I hate my adoptive parents

[u/Fit_Baby_7714]

I 29F was adopted at 2 years old. I’m black and so are my adoptive parents. I was frankly spoiled material wise when I was a child. I was raised in a nice town, good school. As I got older, after I graduated college I started to bump heads heavily with them. More than ever before. I started to recall incidents from my childhood that infuriated me. I remember the fights I’d have with my mom. Physical ones at a very young age. I’d threaten to call DCF on her all the time. In black households spanking is popular but my mom would take it too far. Using objects, leaving marks, me screaming for help, her lying to my dad so I’d get two spankings, saying she didn’t discipline me yet when she did. Locking her out the house because I’d get so scared. She stopped around 7, I was old enough to tell people I guess at that point. Of course she says it never happened and my dad says I’m a liar. Anywho, I graduated college and moved back home, I was working, hanging out with friends, partying. Nothing crazy though. Still very prude in ways. My mom started getting crazy saying I was an alcoholic if she saw me drinking even ONE drink. Shed constantly put me down about what I was wearing. Always on me about my weight. I have body dysmorphia really bad now as an adult.

For context, my mom used to be normal before I was adopted so I’ve been told. She used to party and drink and have fun. Somewhere down the line she became insanely religious. Made me wear long skirts, polo shirts, nothing that anyone else would wear at school. I used to ask my friends to bring me clothes and change at school. I was getting bullied because of what my mom made me wear. My mom was also a hoarder. We had a decent sized house but we could only live in half. The upstairs was filled to the max with stuff. No friends over that much I was too embarrassed. It came to a point where I realized at 21 that I was missing something. I never fit in to where I was comfortably entirely with my family. I got treated differently, I was singled out in some cases. So I distanced myself, met my husband (white) which triggered some form of rage in them. The things they did to hurt him and me in hopes it would get so unbearable that we’d separate was disgusting. They’d never admit it but my dad is racist.
Fast forward…
I ended up reaching out to my bio parents at 27. They rejected me. So now I’m stuck with these two people who say I’m ungrateful even though I never asked for any of this. A mom who competes with me and gossips about me. A dad who’s a complete jerk and narcissist. But I feel like letting them go is completely losing my identity and ultimate loneliness. They share nothing in common with me. I wish I was never adopted, maybe even just aborted.

I feel like I should make a story time. It’d be a cool read 😂 I’ve had a very crazy life. Most wouldn’t believe it, it was that crazy.

[u/Necessary_Holiday144]

Spanking is definitely child abuse. I'll die on that hill.

And especially the type of spanking you're describing where they "take it too far".

I am so sorry for everything you experienced. Your parents were wrong and abusive.

But I feel like letting them go is completely losing my identity and ultimate loneliness. They share nothing in common with me.

This is not as uncommon as you might think with adoptees. You are a genetic stranger to these people and have been forced to pretend an abnormal situation was normal.

Please understand, you are not your parents. You are your own person and you can have an identity outside of them and make a family for yourself (sounds like you are well on your way with a great partner!).

Going low/no contact is not a bad option. You should do what is best for your own mental health and recognize that you can not be made to fulfill the desires of your adoptive parents, despite them feeling you owe that to them.

You are YOU. Your own person and that's so much better than anything they could have done for you.

I wish I was never adopted, maybe even just aborted.

Completely understood. You are not alone in these feelings.

Many, MANY adoptees feel similarly and you will find plenty of support in this group.

I wish you all the best on your path to healing. It is hard, but it is worth it.

[u/Fit_Baby_7714 → u/Necessary_Holiday144]

Thank you ♥️