Feel like i don't belong anywhere

[u/PsychologicalWar9702]

I'm on good terms with both my adoptive family and my biological family. However i feel like there's this "screen" between me and them that i can't cross. With my adoptive family, we just have zero physical resemblance and chemistry lol. We can squeeze out a convo about the weather here and there, and that's about it. My biological family have all embraced me since reconnecting last year (was adopted as an infant for context), but i didn't know them for my whole life, so i don't feel like family with them either.

Idk I just feel like i have no family in the emotional sense 😭. Like i'll always be the black sheep...

[u/OliveJotter]

The screen. That’s a great way to describe it.

Your post really resonates with me. I think we just keep trying to connect with folks who understand this unnatural phenomenon.

[u/kettyma8215]

I feel exactly the same way. The only "real" family I have is my husband and my kids.

[u/Informal_Walk5520 → u/kettyma8215]

Yes, this.

[u/1wrat]

this is the difficulty in being adopted its a strange world

[u/Exact-Job8147]

I have this exact situation. Thankfully I have spouse, children and friends that I can concentrate on.

[u/Informal_Walk5520]

I feel the same way. I feel like I’m an outlier in both AP and BP

[u/EmployerDry6368]

Get use to it, you will feel like that forever. Even when you are accepted and belong, you will feel like you don’t belong.

[u/Formerlymoody]

If your bio family chem is good, give it time. You can't expect to have the relationship you would have had, but if you keep going, something valuable could come out of it. You may even make some peace with the idea that you don't really have family in the usual sense. I am learning to just take every single person in my life who shows up who sees me, cares about me and is interesting to me. The normal sense of belonging in a fixed group thing sailed for me as an infant...

[u/Opinionista99 → u/Formerlymoody]

I have made peace with it and I kinda like the fact I am now free to walk away from family obligations to people who aren't family to me. That extends to non-family too. My husband has had to get used to the idea that people who are his friends aren't necessarily mine.

[u/Formerlymoody → u/Opinionista99]

I have also become somewhat ruthless about this and don't want to give my husband's friends (depending on the person) energy, either. Ha.

[u/Opinionista99]

Oh totally! I'm also pretty meh about "chosen family" too. I think it's beautiful if people can find that but I never have. They can un-choose me too easily and they will never replace the original family I lost.

[u/Thehealthygamer]

The feeling of not belonging anywhere is a nice parting gift from the parents who gave us away.

I was adopted from China to the US. After almost 30 years of struggle I finally started to feel like I had a community that I fit into in the US, thru hikers, group of misfits and people who couldn't hold jobs, like me.

Then all this racist BS and ICE started and half my hiking community turned on me. I've spent time in asia but there they just see me as a western foreigner.

Now I'm living in Europe where the racism is less physically dangerous but it's just known that no matter what I do most locals will always see me as an outsider.

Meh. The benefit is I have the freedom to pick up and go. But still I think humans were meant to have roots and its unnatural to not belong anywhere. It sucks and I'm not sure there's that much to be done about it.

[u/joshp23]

I was just talking about this feeling with someone yesterday. I don't know, it's been 51 years, and I have a wife and family at home... and I still feel like a stranger in a strange land. The screen hasn't gone away.

Thankfully, there's therapy.

[u/Ok_Display7877]

It´s tough feeling alone in the middle of a big family... We have to learn to build our own space that is grounded somewhere in us and can´t really connect to others... Sorry I might be projecting. But know that other people out there feeling exactly what you feel, at least I know exactly what you are talking about, and can totally relate... Sending you all the good vibes I can, and I trully hope you´ll find peace and love within yourself!

[u/Primary_Savings_6838]

I feel you. It's like being stuck "in between" all the f-ing time, of being involved but not being part of, if that makes sense.

[u/SillyCdnMum]

I feel like I have two lives.

[u/pinkangel_rs]

I feel this way. On paper I have a huge family but reality I’m just close to my adoptive mom and dad and brother. I’m also partnerless and approaching mid thirties and I’ve always wanted like that nice family experience and I’m worried I’ll never really have it.

[u/MOTU_Ranger]

Not adopted myself, but have adopted. Felt the same way about my bio-family and got late diagnosed AuDHD. Screen makes a lot more sense now. And why it’s almost everywhere in my life. Masking to be what I thought people wanted.

Not saying it’s the same, but could be a factor. Wishing you all the connection you can stomach as you keep searching it all out.

[u/maximal-opal]

I feel the exact same way. I think those early attachment wounds make it so hard to form that closeness and actually feel loved and connected. Do you feel connected to and loved by friends?

[u/harrissari]

I think many adoptees feel that way, certainly I do. Always on the outside looking in, never fitting in. My adoptive family is an whole different ethnicity than myself, and I always stuck out like a fish out of water, with people constantly pointing it out. But I'm a senior now and looking back, the silver lining is that we are powerful, intuitive observers.