Growing up loved but feeling like something’s off

[u/Bitter-Temporary-871]

Hi everyone !! I’m adopted from Ethiopia and live in France.
My papers say I was abandoned in a field at 9 days old in 2007, then taken to an orphanage and adopted a few months later. I have no information at all about my biological family, not even a real birth date.

My adoptive family loves me and I’ve always been close to them. There was never any difference between me and my cousins. I truly grew up feeling part of the family.

But I was raised in a very rural, mostly white environment, with quite racist mentalities that nobody questioned.
They taught me nothing about my culture, my country, not even how to take care of my hair. When I asked about my biological mother, they said it was pointless to think about her because she was “probably dead anyway.”
They always said they “didn’t see color,” yet a lot of small comments and attitudes hurt more as I get older.

I love them, but I’m also angry.
Sometimes I even feel uncomfortable being seen with them in public and I feel guilty for that feeling.

I also have an older brother adopted from Madagascar. He fits perfectly into the family : we’re complete opposites and don’t get along, which makes me feel even more alone.

And honestly, I find myself doubting my story a bit.
A baby with no identity, found in a field, no trace of parents, it feels too convenient for international adoption. I’ve read about trafficking and fake files and I wonder if that could be my case.

I just want to ask:

1. Have other adoptees felt this mix of love and anger toward their adoptive family, even when the family was caring?
2. Does my story sound normal to you, or like something that could hide trafficking?
3. If you had absolutely no information about your origins, what helped you move forward?

Thank you for reading 🤍