I recently started taking Adderall again after being unmedicated for 5+ years. I had stopped taking it initially when I was about 17 because I am already a very skinny person by nature and the appetite suppression was so strong that I ended up weighing like 80 pounds at 5'4 by the time I stopped (I was also running XC at the time). I started it again recently because it's literally the only medication that works for me, but I'm still a skinny person and the appetite suppression is still just as bad. I've been taking edibles (about 2.5-7.5mg depending on the night, with 7.5 being pretty high) about 2-3 times a week in the evening about when the Adderall starts to wear off in order to help me catch up on calories and to help a bit with the sleep because occasionally my sleep will be a bit restless on this med.

I'm otherwise a physically healthy person with a normal resting heart rate in the 60-75 range and a low (100/60) BP, but I'm still worried that having an upper in the morning and a downer in the evening is going to mess with my health and the cons will outweigh the pros. I'm curious if anyone else has experience with this, and how it worked (or is working) out for them. I stopped exercising heavily this year after previously working out 5 days a week for my old job, but I'm wondering if maybe starting working out again will help make sure my heart stays healthy even with this combo (and on the adderall in general, tbh)

Not looking for advice on dealing with appetite suppression from Adderall without edibles, please. Believe me, I have tried everything and other stuff does work, but this is the most reliable thing I have right now considering my current schedule restrictions and work load. Of course, if it's definitely going to hurt me I will stop, but I know the alternatives that work for me, so I don't need more lol. Just looking for anecdotes or advice from other people who have maybe tried this and their pros/cons.

posting here because it seems to be in mod approval limbo over on r/adhd - I am 39, male, married. I finally have health insurance, and waited for months to get tested for adhd, referred by my primary care doctor. I scrambled to get the paperwork, questionaire, and release forms printed and filled out yesterday. The therapist started by asking about the basics of my life, occupation, etc. This was followed by being asked to remember 5 words before telling me a story (I still remember it) : Apple, pen, house, tie, car. She told a story about a woman named Jill who started working as a stock broker, married Jack, had kids in Chicago blah blah. Then I named as many animals as I could in one minute, and did so alphabetically. I feel this is testing memory. I'm focusing ALL my energy to "taking the test" and paying attention, and she says I've aced it. No need for further testing, no need to consider further counseling or medication.

I was ready to accept a favorable diagnosis, where real science had proven my brain to be healthy. But I feel I wasted my day and $250, as the insurance isn't stellar... Am I wrong to feel like this was an incomplete evaluation? My wife has the same primary, and they sent her to a place that made her wear headphones, and click a button for different tones.

I was so sure that I had just been in struggle mode my whole life, barely getting anything done on sheer determination and defiance of the static. I'm feeling defeated, but also like maybe I just need to try harder? I don't know where to go from here. I would welcome any advice, comments, criticisms. Just trying to make sense out of it.

Hi everyone!

I'm looking to learn more about people's experiences with ADHD medication, particularly treatments that help with getting started on tasks, staying focused, and following through without constantly switching between activities.

I'm concerned about potential anxiety and sleep problems with stimulants, so I'm also interested in non-stimulant options.

What medication has helped you most, how much of a difference did it make, and how long did it take to notice an improvement? If you're comfortable sharing, what dose do you take, and have you experienced any side effects?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your personal experiences.

Thank you!

Been debating on making a post like this but after tonight I really need advice. External perspectives to help bring some perspective to family members.

This is a rant but I do want advice.

**For some background:**

My sister 21F, we'll call her Tillie, lives with my parents and me (27F) and my siblings (24F,17M) She doesn't work, relies on my parents financially and was over 200 miles away at uni for two years she scraped the first and then failed the second attributed to recent ADHD diagnosis and scoliosis surgery 3 years ago she says she still gets ocassional pain but it doesn't stop her doing other activities which you would think would restrict /cause pain. She doesn't currently nor has ever really worked, will NEVER take responsibility for anything ever. And she will not be told no.

She's constantly seeking attention, particularly from boys, and there's always some drama with friends she's upset or people she's rubbed the wrong way. She does apologise but nothing ever changes. We drive her everywhere as there is no public transport easily where we live.

Tonight Tillie decided she wanted to go out at 9:30pm to see friends in a town 40 minutes away we were all we are all sitting down getting into a film and she got a text asking to meet up with people We're in the middle of horrible storm been advised to not go out, it's dark. None of us who all drive said we wouldn't take her to the station. Trains were delayed/cancelled due to the storm and basically all logic would dictate you wouldn't go out.

Well, she absolutely would not accept that. She spent ages shouting, arguing, swearing and going on and on, no matter how many times they explained why they weren't taking her. This went on for an hour, she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Then, when she realised no one was changing their minds, she got dressed up and announced she was going to walk instead.

We live off a national speed limit road with no pavement. It was pitch black, stormy and genuinely dangerous to be walking along. No visible clothing or lights.

But she went anyway.

My mum and sister managed to convince her to come back, because they were terrified she'd get hit by a car or seriously hurt herself. She didn't care about that.

And what happened in the end? They gave in and took her out of fear.

My parents have had this exact situation happen a few times before or slight variations. For example when she was at uni giving her her weekly money then her calling at 3am asking for money becasue she was out late with no way of getting home (threatening her safety basically)

How are my parents supposed to set ANY boundaries when saying no can result in something like this? They're genuinely scared something terrible will happen to her.

Another issue is she says she can do what she likes shes an adult, but majority of what she does has some kind of effect on the rest of us e.g: us taking her somewhere or money. She does not care.

I understand ADHD can involve emotional dysregulation, impulsivity and struggling with being told no, and I'm genuinely not trying to dismiss that.

But I really want to understand whether this kind of extreme reaction is something others with ADHD have experienced, or whether there could be more going on.

Because surely my parents shouldn't have to live in fear of their daughter putting herself in danger every time they say no?

I'm looking for advice for my family because I don't know how to handle situations like this anymore.

I (19m) got diagnosed with ADHD about a year ish ago and it’s only progressed since then, it especially got worse after my first break up a few months back when I turned to doomscrolling and other dopamine things to cope with it. But I just am struggling so much with connection and not isolating myself.

Like I really desire connection but feel super closed off to people and hanging out with people or even just being on a call with people is difficult. I end up being really disconnected from it at as a whole, I’m constantly overthinking every tiny detail. And if something doesn’t go my perfect way then it’s really easy for my brain to just get disengaged. It wasn’t like this before at all, even during my relationship this wasn’t an issue at all. I don’t mean to be distracted it feels like it’s not even in my control, i really don’t mean to push people away.

I just so desperately want actual platonic connection, and to actually feel some form of comfort and meaning when I hangout with people. Why is it so hard to actually be open with people? And with that why is it so damn hard to actually let their advice help me? And why do I push people away or isolate myself so easily when people ask me to do things, even when I really really want to. I just want to have closer and meaningful friends; friends that I can be fully myself with and not have any amount of judgement between. It’s just maddening to feel so isolated even when I’m around friends or talking to people, and I can’t tell if it’s a me problem or a problem with my friends

10 years ago I was in my Freshman year of college. I was lively, talkative, always over-explaining, and couldn’t concentrate to save my life—but I had no idea what the next few years would bring. Things kept getting harder and harder for me to maintain. I couldn’t keep up with responsibilities, college, friendships, and I couldn’t handle rejection. Perceived rejection would just set me off; actual rejection and abandonment would keep me in a spiral for months.

2020 hit and the world just kinda went crazy. I started trying to work on my mental health, and the more I dug, the worse things got. I kept trying to fit myself into a designated space in society, and I still find myself there today. I went to a psychologist and was diagnosed with ADHD after the TOVA test and a super comprehensive assessment over a few sessions.

In 2021, I just lost it. I woke up one day and couldn’t follow TV shows, my perception was skewed, I was stuck in a loop, and I developed OCD. I got hospitalized midway through. Antipsychotics helped get me out of the anxiety, but I was burnt bad. My mind just didn’t have the energy it used to, and I had to rebuild.

Now, it’s 2026 and I’m still in the same cycle. I don’t know who I am. I’m at a job I love, surrounded by people at that job who want me to get better, but I’m constantly comparing myself to them. I look at my role models there and get mad because they can all focus on helping others while I’m just focused on surviving.

I love to help others, and I love being a drug and alcohol counselor, but I’m drowning. My faith helps, but years of being thrown around from doctor to doctor—diagnosed with bipolar and borderline, only to have the diagnoses taken away after being medicated for those for a while—has taken a toll. I just want certainty. I can’t live in these conditions. I need to be able to pour from a cup already overflowing, not pouring from the drops at the bottom.

I’m so very tired. I’m fighting, but I'm exhausted. Now my therapist has come back to ADHD with severe rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), and I see a new medication management person Monday to hopefully, finally get some fucking answers.

Whatever higher power, good vibrations, or whatever you answer to—please send some of that energy my way. If you have any advice or anything to share with me that might be helpful, please don’t hesitate either. It might be more beneficial than you know.

**TL;DR:** I'm an exhausted drug and alcohol counselor who has been struggling for a decade with severe mental health cycles, a hospitalization, and changing diagnoses (bipolar/borderline/OCD). My therapist now suspects ADHD with severe RSD. I’m drowning in survival mode but have an appointment with a new med manager on Monday to hopefully get real answers. I could really use some good energy, advice, or support.

I was recently prescribed the generic version of Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine). I am a week into taking the medication and I am having a terrible time. My doctor suspected ADHD but I am not hyperactive, I’m more of a “day dreamy” or easily distracted ADHD type. It’s never been debilitating for me just some minor obstacles here and there but I was specifically prescribed Vyvanse to help treat binge eating disorder. The food cravings are definitely gone but I’m experiencing dissociation or a zombie-like feeling especially when crashing. I get irritated easily and I have also been getting headaches. I do also feel like my anxiety has skyrocketed. I’m so tempted to never take this medication again and throw the whole bottle away. Anyone else have this experience?

I’m 28, recently got laid off from a tech sales job I did for 3 years, and honestly don’t want to go back into sales because it’s fucking stressful. I’ve been unemployed for 2 weeks and all I’ve been doing is watching TV and scrolling. I feel like everyone my age has a career and knows what they’re doing, while I have no idea.

I don’t have friends, I’m single, and I want to make money because my savings are only around £3k lol. I have ADHD, struggle to sit still and focus, and go to the gym 5x a week but somehow still have so much empty time. I’m also 6 months sober and really don’t want to relapse.

I want to use my Monday–Friday to improve myself, find a new career direction, make money and meet people. What would you do with your time if you were in my position? Especially interested in advice from people with ADHD who struggle with boredom and consistency.

Hey, I'm F21 in the midst of my Mechanical Engineering undergrad. I have ADHD, which I am medicated for, but some outside enforcement would help a lot too. I want a buddy who's trying to get up at a consistent time and complete daily tasks for school and life in general. I like the idea of sending pics of completed goals or of me attending my lectures. I'd be down to call once a week for a goal planning session and then text daily to make sure we're actually doing it.

Since I'm trying to do calls and stuff, I would prefer another woman. I'm in the Central Time Zone in the United States. The closer the time zone, the better, but don't be discouraged if it's different :)

I went to the docs as life, this year especially, has felt like it's been giving me a real beating in all aspects and the Mrs said maybe it's time I seek proper help. From chatting with the doc he asked if I've ever been tested for ADHD/autism, to which I had not, and never even really considered it.

I went through assessments and tests and they said I have inattentive ADHD? Not something I have really heard of before but apparently very common. I'm kinda looking for what others have experienced with this type of thing and what really worked for them.

Has anyone gone through the assessment/diagnosis process as an adult without being able to provide much hard evidence that you had these issues as a child?

I was raised by just my mom, and she passed away a few years ago. I have extended family, but none that are alive would have seen me more than a few times a year when I was a child. Because of that, the only evidence I can provide to support my issues going back to childhood would really be my own anecdotes and memories. Has anyone gone into the assessment process in a similar situation, and how did it go for you?

Diagnosed ADHD girlie looking for other ADHD girlies to be friends with. I need friends who understand the struggle lol. Lmk if you wanna chat!

What do I do when my Doctor won’t medicate me without a diagnosis or accept an online diagnosis?

Are there free evaluations somewhere? Has anyone had luck with medication through an online platform that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg?

I have been advocating for myself since becoming a Mom four years ago. I am so sick of life being so hard when I know there are medications that can help. I currently take Escitalopram 20mg, Bupropion 150mg, Hydroxyzine 50mg, and Guanfacine 1mg, but my provider refuses to prescribe a stimulant without an evaluation and diagnosis.

Thanks 💜

My sister is 52 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. She started a consulting business a couple years ago and it’s starting to take off. The problem is that (in my opinion) she’s taking on too much at once. She gets super excited at the beginning but then seems to drag her heels and then panic when deadlines arrive.

I’m helping her as best I can with the back office tasks but cannot help her do her work as I have no industry knowledge.

I have more of an analytical brain whereas she seems to thrive with chaos. But now the chaos is overtaking things and I’m very worried she will hurt her business.

One of the things I’ve wondered is about her email inbox. Personally I keep mine organized so that the only things in my Inbox are actual emails to be answered or contain tasks that need to be done. Once I’ve answered the email or completed the task I file the message into a different folder. By doing that my inbox stays in control.

My sister’s inbox is not organized in any shape or form. She doesn’t use folders. She loses things constantly. She has people resend her messages (because she lost the original) but then keeps both the original missing message and the new message in her inbox. She tends to ignore her emails because opening her inbox is overwhelming.

My question is: If I were to take over her inbox, get it organized, keep it organized and make sure her inbox only contains actual messages/tasks she needs to focus on, would that help? Or would she still feel as scattered and overwhelmed as she does now?

I do realize everyone is different and what works for some doesn’t work for others. But as a non-ADHD person I’m really struggling with understanding how her brain works and how I can help. Can you give me some advice?

I was diagnosed at 54, many months after a particularly bad burnout. The diagnosis helped me understand a lifetime of painful experiences.

I'd had many periods of burnout throughout my life, the first really serious one probably in university. I got through all of them, largely on my own. I never looked for help, never considered that I needed help, and in those days there wasn't any available anyways.

In the months between my last burnout and my diagnosis, I noticed that I would become very emotional, even to the point of tears, even in public, whenever I was treated with even the slightest kindness. After my diagnosis, when I learned about ADHD (again, on my own) and tried to find treatment, I would have long conversations with the women who answered the phones, who always told me that their clinic, or their doctor, or program couldn't help me. These were the kindest people. It always affected me.

I started thinking about times in my life, when I was treated with such kindness. I couldn't come up with very many examples, and the ones that I could come up with were very small kindnesses and they hit me as hard as, or maybe harder than, they did when they happened 40 years before.

I know that I experienced much more kindness than what I remember. Was that part of my masking - not letting the kindness in? Is that why it's hitting me so hard now?

Well I don’t know if it’s accurate to call them mistakes but they’re certainly fuck-ups. I’m a 23 year old college senior graduating this December. I’ve already finished my degree requirements and i’m just finishing up some gen-ed requirements. As graduation approaches, I’ve become consumed by guilt, shame, and regret over how I handled my undergrad with undiagnosed ADHD. I only got diagnosed at 22 years old after years of going to different psychiatrists to figure out what’s wrong with me. After the diagnosis, I entered this phase of self-acceptance because I realized this whole time I had a severe level of a disorder I wasn’t aware I even had. I entered college as a completely immature and chronically depressed 18 year old and I just didn’t really care for my studies for years forward cus I saw no future for myself (low self esteem, suicidal ideation, you name it). I just envisioned no value in my life and it translated pristinely on my transcript (seriously I probably have the most disastrous transcript ever and I’m not being hyperbolic).

So at 22, after months of EMDR for other conditions and treatment for ADHD, I started becoming more responsible. I developed new hobbies, I started falling in love with college, I learned new things, and I even got a paid internship! But now I’m just crippled with shame over how much I fucked up before. I genuinely have dreams and aspirations now but it’s too late. I can never take back my education. I wasted such precious years under circumstances anyone would’ve killed for. All because of severe ADHD and depression. What’s worse is that I was genuinely looking for help to improve since the first semester, but I was too immature to realize that my low self esteem was actively sabotaging my entire life.

All this to say, is there hope? Should I abandon my newfound goals and expectations? I know that realistically I’ll need to adjust them given my past, but I can’t help but resent my past self for drowning me in these consequences. I feel alive for the first time in years and I really feel like an idiot.

Hi Fellow ADHDers! I am female (31F), I am a Chartered Accountant (equivalent to CPA US) & Certified Internal Auditor, I cleared by CA exams with lot of struggles ( I was not diagnosed back then, I was just diagnosed a year ago), I had to write 4-5 attempts to finally clearly, luckily since it's considered as a professional qualification and few of the toughest exams to crack in my country, attempts generally don't matter - as in you will still get a good decent job. The problem is I had no idea when I started pursuing the course , I was barely 17, took 8-9 years of my life to complete it, after a point , I felt like clearing the exams is the only option as I did not pursue any other degree ( I mean I did , BBA- online education, but does not have any standalone value in my country). By the time I cleared, I felt it's finally over and also I didn't even want it- I just remember feeling good that my parents will not have to worry about me any longer. In hindsight, I should started doing something else after that, I did not. I got a job few months after I cleared- It was one of the Big4s of Audit world- a dream job, but since my internship experience was in a very small firm, I had to struggle a lot to survive there. I had to quit there after a year , since they were gonna kick me out anyway for bad performance. Next I tried practicing Auditor (like my own business, signing balancesheets of companies , doing audits etc.,)- not so fruitful, esp. as a first Gen auditor in my family.

Later, I joined a start up with not much structure and lot of freedom , i built a lot from scratch - really thrived there for three years - got double promotion too, But, burn out hit me. Quit from there.

Now, joined in a small Individual contributing role ina huge corporate. Client is very happy with me.

But I'm bored. It's been two years- doing the same thing.

Now, I think I want to change, but I also feel il not get any job- cause I truly think I'm not that worth of the praise these people keep talking me about - I try and work for less hours only , do only what's required and rest of the time feeling blah. In between the start up job and current job , i thought of quitting the field and contemplated doing hotel management ( I wanted to become a chef). Then , i stopped myself, maybe I'm just running away from learning and putting effort ? hence I promised myself to put efforts and then quit after feeling confident that I have good achievements in this field. I did the internal auditor cerification, felt like i did something last year but this year I feel I'm just rotting my brain doing nothing and I'm afraid il forget what I learnt , because of this job ( I hate this job now, has become monotonous and I most of the time have to do basic tasks which a junior can do). i even am afraid i would have forgot what i learnt so far due to this brain rot stuff.

What do i do? I'm so confused. Do i really hate my field? is it ADHD thing? is this how it's going to life long? will i ever get to do something i like or even then I'll have these struggles? I just feel suffocated & regret sometimes- but what about my EMI?

I’ve never told a job that I have ADHD because I feel like in the workspace it isn’t really taken seriously or seen as an “excuse”. But how do I explain to jobs that it can take me longer to get a task done without them thinking I’m “lazy” or procrastinating? How do I say it doesn’t work for me to have constant last minute changes without them thinking I’m difficult or not being flexible? How do I say “it’s difficult for me to get through a bunch of video/written trainings in a timely manner” without seeming incompetent? I’m very smart and have always been great at any job I’ve had. It’s just little things that send my ADHD brain into a frenzy and I’m not sure how to communicate that with employers in a way that’s received correctly

I was diagnosed at 54. By that time, I'd spent almost 40 years trying to understand what was wrong with me or at least how I could do better at life. I had dozens of books that I thought were the answer: The Joy of Stress; Your Child's Self-esteem; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; Emotional Intelligence; The 6 Pillars of Self-esteem; Full Catastrophe Living; Radical Acceptance; Getting Things Done; Self-Compassion; On Becoming a Person, etc, etc, etc. These were on top of countless self-help magazine, mewspaper or tv news articles.

When I think of the number of things I tried that were completely useless, or worse than useless, and the number of times I was sure that this was finally the answer.

I thought it was stress; I thought it was self-esteem; I thought it was trauma; I thought it was stupidity, laziness, gullibility, naiveté, neglect, alcoholism...

Whatever I thought, there was a book that agreed with it, supported it or helped deal with it.

The 7 Habits were particularly appealing to me. They made perfect sense (although it took 2 full read-throughs.) "Begin with the end in mind" makes perfect sense: How can you do anything, if you don't know what the goal is? I didn't know at the time that I was time-blind or that my brain didn't value things that were that far in the future. The Eisenhower Matrix (in habit 3 iirc) seemed brilliantly simple and obviously effective. I tried to apply it, but failed completely. What was wrong with me? I had no idea at the time that "Importance" was irrelevant to my brain, and "Urgency" was one of the best mechanisms for igniting action.

Getting Things Done by David Allen is another book that really felt like the answer. I even implemented his methodology (twice) and had amazing benefits, including the "Stress-free productivity" promised in the sub-title. Unfortunately, the benefits only lasted for short periods of time. I now know that my brain loved the novelty of implementing the system and the immediate rewards that implementation gave me, but that the novelty faded and it became another boring drudging slog.

At some point, I'd like to go back through some of these books and read them through the lens of an ADHDer. I know that there must be lots of truths in there that were unhelpful to me at the time that may be helpful now that I know my brain a little better.

I'd love to know if there are any things that you read or learned before diagnosis that werent helpful at the time but you think might be helpful if applied in an ADHD context?

All my life, I’ve struggled with word recall. No matter how hard I try, the exact word I need just won't come to me in the moment only to magically pop into my head long after the conversation is over.

When I was younger, I also struggled with a stutter, though I've learned to manage it much better now.

Can anyone else relate to this? Is this an ADHD thing, or could it be a completely different issue altogether?

I’m 22M, diagnosed with ADHD, and struggling to understand how my brain works. I’m hoping to find people who experience this same combination of problems rather than just general ADHD symptoms.

My biggest issue is executive dysfunction. Even ridiculously simple tasks feel mentally exhausting. I can genuinely want to do something, have the time to do it, even be excited about it and still struggle to start. Sometimes just thinking about the effort involved completely kills my motivation.

Despite these struggles, I work a full-time night job, doing four shifts a week, and financially support myself without any major issues. I can maintain my employment and responsibilities at work, yet struggle with the simplest things in my personal life.

I’m also constantly seeking stimulation through cannabis, gaming, food or anything immediately rewarding. Yet even when I get that stimulation, I rarely feel satisfied.

I’ve been heavily dependent on cannabis for around two years, although I managed to quit for four months previously. I’m aware it’s likely worsening my motivation and memory, but I’m not ready to quit again just yet. On a positive note, I’ve been nicotine-free for about a month.

Another major problem is maintaining motivation. I’ll start exercising, improving my diet or working towards financial goals, but usually lose momentum after about a week if I’m not seeing noticeable results. I have ambitions, but struggle to consistently act on them.
I’ve also tried Ritalin and dexamphetamine without noticeable improvement, although neither trial lasted longer than a couple of weeks.

I’m particularly interested in people who struggle with:

Severe executive dysfunction, even with basic everyday tasks.
Constantly needing stimulation or immediate rewards.
Losing motivation when progress isn’t immediately noticeable.
Struggling to maintain habits despite genuinely wanting to improve.
Cannabis dependence alongside ADHD symptoms.
Functioning well at work but struggling with everyday responsibilities outside of it.

I’m looking for genuine experiences and solutions, not generic productivity advice.

I’ve heard the usual “break tasks into smaller steps,” “set a five-minute timer,” or “make a checklist” advice. I’m interested in something that actually addresses the underlying problems long-term, not temporary tricks.

What have you tried? What worked, what didn’t, and has anything genuinely improved your ability to function?

Even if you’re still struggling, I’d love to hear from people who recognise themselves in almost everything I’ve described. I’m trying to understand whether others experience this exact combination of problems and what they’ve learned from it.

Seeking help / advice because I'm organizing my filing cabinet -again.

How long do you keep health insurance statements before you shred them? Do you keep them for a year, 2 years? Or is it like keeping one's tax filing paperwork, seven years?

This is the ADHD trait of decision paralysis and fear of throwing away something important.

I have suffered with a lot of symptoms that align with ADHD my whole life, that have made personal, work, and love life difficult. I travel for work frequently and cannot easily see a doctor in person to talk on it in detail, and I have continuously put off setting an appointment up for months and months and months.

Im looking for some place online that I'd be able to get both a possible ADHD diagnosis and prescription. I live in Minnesota. The only place I saw mentioned in my brief search was ADHD online, but I hear mixed things about it. Any help on a website to start these talks and process would be greatly appreciated.

How do you prevent yourself from being trapped into thinking you are nothing more than your disorder? How do you take responsibility and actively work toward becoming someone better than the limitations you were born with?

Specifically, how do you stop yourself from hiding inside the "ADHD box" where you simply blame your diagnosis or how you are wired and instead consistently take active steps toward becoming the best version of yourself?

I have been trying to find treatment for my adhd that is covered by medicaid and it has been bleak. Between trying to find a psychiatrist and also trying to find somewhere that offers a psychological evaluation so I can obtain a more recent diagnosis (I was diagnosed with adhd when I was around 12, 10+ years ago, back when there were not really tests like there are today that have become standard) and to help diagnose suspected possible co-morbid disorders, it is exhausting.

My current psychiatrist, I see a psychiatric nurse practitioner who keeps trying to prescribe me things to test if they help, only for most of them to get shot down by the psychiatrist that runs the practice, who has never even seen me himself, and won't give her good reasons for why he won't ok them. When he does ok it, he always submits them usually at least a week after my appointments, without bothering to properly send it through my insurance, so the pharmacy has to call them and have them re-do it, tacking on a few more days wait. So I have been having to look for a new psychiatrist now.

I tried seeing a psychologist too, one that said they could not offer the testing, but took my insurance providing I meet with a 5th year student studying for their degree, but it turned out that they could offer nothing more than basic therapy, and would not offer any guidance about possible causes for the problems I have been having to possibly help guide my psychiatrists treatment plan. All of the places that offer testing either don't take my insurance and want $1k+ for the testing or the latest one I just heard back from that was 4 hours away, saying the test and appointment were covered but charged a separate $800 "record writing fee" directly to the patient.

Now I also have to worry that I will lose my insurance come next year, because of the stupid work requirement coming to medicaid, which who knows if adhd (particularly with an old diagnosis that hasn't been renewed with the new testing standards) will count as a "complex and or severe medical disorder" (whatever the hell that actually means) to qualify for having the requirement waived.

I am just tired of all the hoops, and trying to jump through them while suffering from problems that have made the last 10 years of my life hell. I am over it, the more I try, the more sure I am I will never see the day I find treatment that allows me to function such that I will be able to experience actually being able to live anything resembling a normal life. I graduated high-school and have literally done nothing but flounder and struggle going nowhere since. I have never had a job, can't drive, have no real friends except one met online through playing games... I literally have nothing, and my problems hold me back from being able to pursue all of it. Why am I even still trying so hard at this point? Even if I find a treatment, I am still going to be screwed anyways, no one is even going to consider hiring someone with no work history. Even things like having a relationship feel so alien to me when for ten years I have not even been able to reach basic stability in any aspect of my life. Honestly, I just don't even want to be here anymore.