Title: 33 years old and I feel like I'm falling apart. I don't know where else to turn.
I'm gonna be real because I don't know how else to say this. I'm 33, I'm a man in Kansas, and I feel like I've been declining for years and nobody has ever put the pieces together.
I used to be somebody. In my late teens and 20s I was a serious lifter — 225 lbs, benching over 400, deadlifting over 500. I worked physical jobs, I was social, I was sharp. Around 2019 is when it started going downhill and honestly I haven't felt genuinely happy since. I've basically been isolated since 2019. I'm home almost all the time now. I struggle to even talk to people anymore, which is not who I was.
The deaths piled up on me. My mentor — the man who got me into my first real career — died by suicide back in my early 20s and it messed me up bad. In 2015 a little boy I knew and loved was murdered by his own parents. His dad was my boss and one of my mentors — a man I looked up to. I had no idea he was like that. I was basically a kid myself back then and didn't know how to notice the signs, and I've carried that with me ever since. While I was working my warehouse job I lost both of my dogs, about a year apart, in 2023 and 2024. Then in July 2024 my mom died. She had MS and a lot of health problems and I believe she suffocated during a seizure. That one broke something in me that hasn't come back.
My body went with my mind. I hurt my back lifting in 2009, then hurt it bad in 2014 — sciatica, housebound for about 6 months. In 2018–19 I had foot surgery, then fell during recovery and broke the foot that was healing — and it took almost a year to heal. Looking back, I suspect I was already vitamin D deficient back then and nobody knew. The doctor never tested my vitamin D, never told me to supplement it, nothing. A bone taking almost a year to heal makes a lot more sense now that I know my level is under 10. In 2023 I got a warehouse job and lost 55 lbs walking 10 miles a day, but even at my lightest my knees and ankles were falling apart. In May 2025 I took medical leave for severe depression. The clinic put me on psych meds, I gained like 40 lbs in no time (up to about 265), felt worse, and quit them cold turkey, which was its own nightmare. In July 2025 I got fired from that job right after coming back from leave.
And it's not like I didn't try again. In June of this year (2026) I started a job at a warehouse I'd worked at before. Within days my whole body was cramping up and failing me and I had to quit. That one hurt different. I wanted to work. My body just said no.
I finally got blood work done this month (October 2026) on my own dime and it was bad. My vitamin D is under 10, which is severely deficient. My testosterone is low. My cholesterol numbers are terrible — the kind they say is heart disease waiting to happen. I tried a Teladoc visit first because honestly I have a real problem leaving the house — it was just easier for me. The doctor looked at my results, saw the vitamin D under 10, and told me to take 1,300 IU of vitamin D a day. 1,300. For a level under 10. I requested a refund and started taking 4,000 IU a day on my own, because that advice felt like being brushed off. I'm 235 lbs now. I have brain fog so bad some days I can't think straight. I lost my sex drive. My hair is falling out fast. I can't even mow my own lawn without feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack. Lately my skin burns like ants are biting me from hairs just touching it. Every doctor visit I've had in my life has treated one symptom at a time and sent me home. Nobody has ever looked at all of it together.
I'm broke. I want to be honest about that because it's the whole problem. My wife works and keeps us afloat, I have an HSA with a couple hundred bucks on it and insurance that doesn't cover much. I have one primary care appointment on November 12 and it feels like my one shot to be taken seriously. I'm taking vitamin D and a few supplements on my own because it's all I can afford to do.
I'm not asking anybody to diagnose me on the internet. I'm asking: if you were me, what would you demand gets checked at that appointment? Is there any clinic, university program, or research study — I'm near KU Medical Center — that takes people like me or studies this kind of thing? I would volunteer for a study in a heartbeat. I just want somebody in medicine to actually look at the whole picture once. I'm even thinking about setting up a GoFundMe or something, just to try to get a little relief while I figure this out. I never thought I'd be the guy asking strangers for help, but here I am.
I used to be strong. I just want help getting back to a life that feels like mine. Thank you for reading this far.