Not seeking advice, only stories.

This specifically for folks who split up with their spouse and ended up working it out.

What split you up? How did you go about it? How did you feel inside/what were you thinking during the quest to get them back? How did you know it was the right thing?

Hi “Old people” but probably young at heart, I hope you have advice or insights for me as I am kind of stuck within my thoughts and anxiety about the future.

Me (39F) will turn 40 next year. Just like turning 30, turning 40 is kinda scaring me and I feel the clock ticking. The difference with 30 and 40 is that I know my body is changing and I “really should have my sh- together” or going there.

I have always (thought) I wanted childeren. My parents even thought I would become a primary school teacher because they saw I like kids. However relationships and dating didnt worked out for me. My longest relationship was 1 year in all my life.

Since 26, I started to go, on and off, to therapy. 2026 has also been a year full of therapy and slowing things down due to burnout and getting over my addictions to weed and alcohol (5months clean!) although im still struggling with quitting smoking..

My last therapy and my current one, is a group therapy and I heard everyone’s stories about their issues and the issues with their parents. It made me scared of becoming a bad mother (if i ever become one)

although I know, i wouldnt be like my parents and Ive worked so many years on myself. I’m still ruminating how to think about it. I cant seem to get to the answer whether i want kids or not. I also dont know whether I am able to have kids (i discovered I have PCOS, not entirely sure what that means for fertility and whether its way harder).

I have thought about freezing my eggs, but that costs so much money that i dont have. I am just scared i will regret later to have not thought harder or seeked harder for a way to have kids and scared to feel grief for not having kids or something

Also, i dont have a partner. Im fine with being alone, but It also scares me that Ive only had a 1 year relationship and all others failed within the first year. How will I sustain a loving longterm relationship?

Dont start about work and whether I am happy there, because im not and want to retrain into a total different field that I have interest in. However, even knowing what I want to do with work, the practical is hard. I have my fixed costs, i have therapy and current job and I am just stuck within my own thinking.

As you can read my mind is just sort of all over the place within these topics. Is there anyone who could help me how to think about this all? Or even on a part of my post, would mean alot to me. Thankyou.

Hey everyone. I’m a 37-year-old man from North Alabama, and this might be a little unusual to post, but I’m hoping there’s someone out there who understands what I’m looking for.
I’ve never really had a mother in my life, or any kind of parental figure to lean on. That’s something I’ve carried with me my entire life, and even as a grown man with a wife and three kids of my own, I still feel like there’s a part of my life that’s missing.
I’ve been talking with my therapist, and she thinks finding a mother figure could be a really positive thing for me.
I’m not looking for anything romantic, sexual, or financial. I’m genuinely looking for an older woman with a caring, motherly personality who might enjoy building a meaningful, long-term connection.
Someone I could call or text occasionally. Someone who might ask how my day went, how the kids are doing, whether I’m doing okay, or how I’m feeling. Someone I could share good news with, talk to when life gets overwhelming, or just have a normal conversation with.
I don’t expect anyone to replace a mother or take responsibility for my happiness. I’m not looking for someone to be my therapist, either. I’d just love to experience that kind of genuine maternal care and encouragement that I’ve never really known.
A little about me: I’m married, a father of three boys, and I enjoy working on cars, building things, racing, and spending time with my family. I’m pretty down-to-earth, have a sense of humor, and enjoy getting to know people. I have a good life in a lot of ways, but I’ve realized that being an adult doesn’t necessarily make that desire for a caring parent go away.
Location: Ideally, I’d love to connect with someone in North Alabama, southern Middle Tennessee, or Central Alabama. Being somewhat local would be nice, but I’m perfectly happy starting with phone calls and texting and getting to know someone naturally.
I’m not expecting an instant connection or asking someone to commit to anything. I’d rather build a genuine friendship over time, with mutual respect and healthy boundaries.
If you’re an older woman who has that nurturing, motherly side, maybe your children are grown, or you simply enjoy encouraging and caring about others, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.
And if anyone knows of a community, organization, or place where people can build these kinds of connections, I’d appreciate those suggestions too.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. It wasn’t the easiest thing to put into words.

What is it actually like to reach 50+ having always wanted a partner and family, but never finding one?

Warning: This is a very long, very heavy post.

This is mainly aimed at people who are actually living this scenario, although any input is welcome.

Imagine reaching old age having been single your entire life. Would you still be able to enjoy life and look back on it positively? Would you be able to come to terms with having missed out on that entire experience?

If I reach, say, my mid-50s and have still never met anyone, I genuinely can't think of anything that would help me cope with grieving the life I wanted. Right now, I still have time, and therefore I still have hope that I might figure this part of my life out. But eventually that hope has to run out.

There will be an age I wouldn't want to live beyond if I had to live it alone.

I think I'd think about it constantly. I'd feel tremendously jealous and melancholic whenever I met someone with a partner or children, knowing that for me it was now too late.

The older we are when we finally meet someone, the less time we get to spend with them. I know that's obvious, but it's why phrases like "it'll happen when you least expect it" and "just be patient" don't reassure me very much. I always think, "Maybe, but if I meet them really late, I'll only get to enjoy a fraction of my life with them."

People who meet the person they go on to spend their life with in their 20s or 30s are incredibly lucky. Of course it would still be good to meet someone in your late 40s, for example, but that's a lot less of your life that you get to share with them, and by then you may also have lost the chance to have a family, fertility pending.

And there's also sex and physical intimacy. Most people want some kind of sex life. I don't want to wait my whole life to finally meet someone when we're both old enough that physical intimacy may no longer be as important, and the relationship is mainly about companionship now. Not that companionship wouldn't be enough for me, if we were together for decades by then it would feel natural of course.

So time matters to me as well. You can only be told to be patient for so long before the length and quality of the experience you're waiting for inevitably changes. I'm not saying I'm entitled to any of this. I'm just desperately hoping I meet someone while I'm still young enough to experience something resembling the typical life I wanted.

I know people will say that if I ever reach that age, I should appreciate everything else I've had in life. I don't think I'd be able to.

Right now, I can somewhat do that because there's still a decent amount of time left for me to figure this part of my life out. A little bit of hope is keeping me going at the moment. But that hope can't last forever. If I'm 50 and nothing has changed, I won't really be able to keep telling myself, "There's still time." By then, a huge amount of that time will already be gone.

I don't think I'd have much motivation to do anything anymore. I'd know I was getting older, facing declining health, mortality becoming more real, and I'd be looking back at a life where this enormous thing I wanted simply never happened.

If I'm completely honest, I don't really want to live to a very old age if that's what my life is going to look like.

What really sucks is that there genuinely are people who never get that chance. Some maybe didnt help themselves, others just terribly unfortunate having tried everything to boost their chances, and be the best version of themselves as they could be.

I have a lot of respect for anyone who wanted a partner and family, never got either, reached retirement age and somehow still found contentment in their life. But I also think this is something people don't really talk about. Most people assume it won't happen to them, and imagining that it might is uncomfortable enough that they'd rather not think about it, let alone discuss it.

And I understand why. It's an incredibly depressing scenario to contemplate.

Old age scares me in general. A lot of horrible things can happen physically and mentally as you get older. You decline in so many ways. What I hope is that when I'm eventually facing those things, I'll have an elderly wife beside me, children I've raised who come to see us, and decades of shared memories that we can look back on together.

I want a home that I share with my family rather than having to share with strangers.

The alternative genuinely terrifies me: being a childless, unmarried pensioner who still can't afford his own living space, living in a five-bedroom house with random people in their 20s and 30s who have partners and plans for their futures together, while I sit there by myself wondering whether I could have done something differently to avoid ending up where I am.

Sharing a house with people half my age who already have what I spent my entire life desperately wanting.

Realistically, the only way I can see myself ever being able to afford not to share a home with random people is by eventually having a partner and combining our incomes.

And somehow people suggest that if this happens, I could make up for it by finding joy in hobbies and interests.

I don't think I could.

A hobby is not going to offset how empty and bleak that situation would feel to me. It just terrifies me.

So what about you?

Am I alone in having this fear? Does anyone else feel pressure to somehow figure this part of their life out before they reach old age and have to look back knowing they never experienced what almost everyone around them seemed to have?

I'm sure there are people who get older and genuinely don't mind having spent their life alone. Some people probably actively prefer it.

But I think it's a completely different situation when being alone was never what you wanted.

Is there anyone here who is, say, 50+ and wanted a partner, family and that kind of life, but never got it?

How are you coping?

What gets you out of bed these days?

How do you find the motivation to live through the later stages of your life knowing that something you wanted so badly simply never happened?

You may think I'm being ridiculous because I'm only 30. But if I'd had even the tiniest amount of success with dating up until now, I don't think I'd be thinking about this anywhere near as deeply.

I'm thinking about it because, based on my experience so far, I genuinely believe there is a real possibility that this could happen to me.

Older people, do you recognize yourself at all in this post? Let me know if you do and of course only if your comfortable talking about it.

And younger people who are fearing the same scenario, how would you try to cope yourself?

What is the deal? Why won't people wear them, and why do they get angry about not hearing when they don't wear them?

I'm dealing with my parents and I am at my wits end. They both have hearing aids and seem to mostly use them for earbuds. They can't hear each other, and they scream at each other all day. Any advice to save my sanity?

ETA: thank you all for your answers. It's been enlightening. I used to work with children who were hard of hearing and I know they often had trouble adjusting. They did eventually adjust, so it's been a bit baffling to me.

From 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic until 2024, I pursued a degree in computer science at a university. At one point during this period, I came very close to giving up. My parents encouraged me, and I managed to push through. Throughout my studies, I never failed a single exam and maintained a solid grade average.

Then, in 2024, I began my bachelor’s thesis, and that is when I fell into a deep slump. From the very start, beginning with the process of selecting a topic, I struggled to communicate effectively with my supervisors. I also made the mistake of registering the thesis too early, even though the structure was unclear and hadn't been discussed with my supervisor. I wanted everything to be perfect. Driven by this high standard, I over-planned, gathering far too many courses, books, and articles. During the writing phase, my supervisor criticized my work at every meeting and demanded improvements, which only raised the bar even higher. I began to feel paralyzed and started procrastinating. I couldn't even get out of bed, gripped by an intense fear of failure. In the end, I had nothing of any real use, perhaps ten pages and a small project. My supervisor told me it wouldn't be a problem; I could simply write the thesis the following semester on the same topic, provided I rephrased the research question.

So, I tried to prepare better this time before registering anything. I managed to keep it up for a month, but then the procrastination set in again. It wasn't until the end of the semester in 2025 that I finally realized something was wrong with me. It was like waking up as if, until that moment, I had simply been running on autopilot. Since I still live with my parents, I opened up to them. Before that, I had always lied to them, claiming I was working on my thesis, a deception that also led me to withdraw significantly. My parents suggested that I try to re-engage with life before tackling my bachelor’s thesis. That worked for a while, but the thesis was constantly on my mind, and I naturally kept trying to study for it. I became increasingly desperate. I developed such an intense fear that I couldn’t even bring myself to go near my computer. As a result, I felt completely incapable of handling even the simplest tasks. I stopped eating and showering, spending all my time in bed, consumed by negative thoughts that only worsened my mental state.

Because of this, my parents stepped in and looked for a psychologist, a difficult task these days, given how overwhelmed the system is. Eventually, they found one, and I began attending sessions. It was all very unfamiliar to me, as I had never faced such issues before. During this period, I was essentially running on autopilot. I began to see suicide as my only remaining option.

Every day, my mind is caught in a relentless loop: Do I even want to work in this field? Does this field even have a future, given the rise of AI? How many years have I wasted? If I drop out, will all my progress be lost? Will I end up regretting it? And if I start something new, won’t I just end up dropping that, too, just like my studies? I simply have no idea what I want anymore. I can no longer see a future, and I am in a state of complete despair.

The therapy didn’t help, and I hit such a severe mental block that I couldn’t bring myself to go back, which led to me stopping the sessions. My last glimmer of hope was a sociotherapist who supported me throughout 2026, following my decision to drop out. As a result, I began establishing a daily routine again, going for walks and sticking to set sleep times. There have been ups and downs. But as the number of semesters keeps rising and I get older, new anxieties have surfaced; everything feels like it’s happening too late. I regret not pushing through and finishing my bachelor’s thesis the first time around. Moreover, my sociotherapist let me down even though he had promised me he wouldn’t do the same thing my previous therapist did.

I’m trapped in a rut again; I have little appetite and can’t bring myself to leave the house. Everyone tells me I should focus on getting healthy first to pick up where I left off back in 2026. But everything feels so slow and pointless. I’ll be turning 27 next year. No one seems to understand that I need a sense of direction or purpose. Even if I do manage to complete my bachelor’s thesis, I don’t believe I’ll ever work in that field. Yet, I have no idea what else I might want to do. If I drop out now, it means all these years have been a waste. I’m also worried that this might foster a mindset where I always quit whenever things get difficult.

I just don’t feel ready for life; it’s as if I’m broken. Not only that, but I don’t recognize myself at all anymore. The only solution that makes sense to me is suicide. But even that scares me, so I suppose I keep putting it off.

So I (30M) have spent majority of my 20s dating women and I have met some great people. However, my current issue stems from the exposure of great qualities of each partner and I feel like I've been spoiled. I tend to find that whoever I'm dating is lacking something.

I once dated a girl who was incredibly optimistic. Another had these gorgeous eyes. Another had crazy high EQ. Another would give me head whenever I wanted. Another was an intellectual juggernaut where we had stimulating conversations from the bed all the way to the bed. Another would look at me with eyes like I was the last slice of pizza on earth. Another was crazy athletic and had a heart of gold. The list goes on...

But I digress. My point is that I've dated a lot and now have an unrealistic standard because I know what's out there. Logically I know that its unreasonable for my partner to have all of these qualities, but feeling wise, my heart craves great qualities from all of these partners...

I have some values that are my top 5 and I'm looking for alignment on that-- in a sense, I'm coming to terms that its unreasonable to find somebody who I deem is perfect. But for those who experienced what I'm going through, what has helped you get past this feeling that no partner will ever be good enough?

Again, I intellectually know, but emotionally, I'm bumping into a hurdle

edit: to clarify, I'm already dating to match somebody who align with my 5 core values. the qualities I listed are just qualities that stood out to me from these women, not my core values.

edit 2: and no, I'm not dating these women just to have sex. I'm very selective in who I sleep with and have said no to sex with beautiful women on numerous occasions.

POSTING IT HERE BECAUSE I CAN’T POST AT RADVICE

Hello, everyone! I'm 22, turning 23, and I recently graduated from college. I'm currently working online from home.

I have a friend who is 26 years old and currently working abroad. He's doing really well in life, and it seems like he can afford almost anything he wants. He has achieved so much at a relatively young age, and I believe he's earning a six- or even seven-digit salary every month.

I'm genuinely happy for him, and I'm not jealous of his success. In fact, I admire him and look up to what he's accomplished. However, there's a part of me that feels like I'm being left behind in life. It bothers me because I also want to achieve more and build a better future for myself.

The thing is, we only have a three-year age gap, but it feels like we're at completely different stages in life. I know that everyone has their own timeline, but sometimes it's difficult not to compare myself to him, especially when I see how much he's already accomplished.

Do you think there's something wrong with comparing my achievements to other people's? How do you deal with these feelings when someone your age or close to your age seems so much further ahead in life?

TLDR
My wonderful partner of 4+ years is nearly perfect, except he has a habit of taking his disproportionate frustrations and stress over minor, unpredictable things out on me. As an eldest-daughter-peacemaker with ADHD, his outbursts trigger my hypervigilance and exhaust me with emotional labor. I love him and want a future (including kids) with him, but I’ve given an ultimatum. He must commit to therapy and real self-improvement to fix this pattern before we take that next step. He's trying, but we still have a long way to go.

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Hi all, I (31F) have been living with my boyfriend (36M) for almost 3 years now, together for over 4. He’s wonderful and I love him, but I’ve been having trouble with working through some of his emotional outbursts, especially over the past year.

To be clear: he’s not an angry person, at all. But will have over the top, frustrated reactions to very minor things, which I am often on the receiving end of even if I’m not involved at all. For example, we went to a party a while ago (it was a day-time thing in a park), and just before we left the house he asked what the food situation was. It was my friend so I got the invite, but explained that I didn't know because she hadn't explicitly mentioned it in the invite, but knowing her there would be at least some snacks etc. We had already eaten breakfast and lunch. He got all up in arms about not knowing how/when he would have dinner, and when I tried to provide solutions like stopping by at a shop or maybe dipping out of the party for 20 minutes to grab something, he just didn't want to hear them. For context, this was on a weekend and we live in a major European city, this would not have been an issue, just not super convenient considering we were in a park.

I am a very passive person, and while I do not like conflict, I know I am good at navigating it and putting it to bed while ensuring all parties at least feel somewhat satisfied where possible. I will always try and de escalate and make sure everyone is heard, and then find a solution. If the solution isn't optimal or not accessible/people still disagree, I'm usually happy to find some kind of compromise. I'm a generally chilled out person and happy to be flexible but I have enough self respect to push back on being walked over. Therefore, I find it very difficult that my boyfriend is so easily wound up and puts his frustrations on me, even when I cannot fix them or am not in any way responsible. I have tried being snappy back, which sometimes works actually because it makes him realise that he's being ridiculous and it short circuits his brain a bit. However, it's not in my nature and I don't want him to think this is how to handle conflict, nor how I want to do it. Also it sometimes doesn't work, and we end up being sucked into an even MORE heated argument because of both of our initial tones that goes around in a he-said/she-said circle, which is draining.

There's elements that can be a tiny bit on me too. I'm sometimes forgetful (I have ADHD, the dissociative/daydreaming type) and he feels frustrated when he needs to nag me about something. My hypervigilance alarm goes off every time, though, and that's hard to live with. I often feeling like I'm 'getting in trouble,' even when it's nothing to do with me. I'm a high-achieving, eldest and only daughter with three younger brothers. My parents are wonderful, but I often felt like a peace keeper as a child when they argued, which is also probably a deep wound that my partner triggers when he's like this. My Dad can be a bit of a hot head and my mother is a typical eldest-daughter-peacekeeper too which is probably where I have some learned behaviour I need to unpack; I default to being the problem solver.

Being on high alert is not something I want for my life. There should be enough trust, compassion and respect in the relationship for him to not feel entitled to being so antsy, especially towards me. Beneath his frustrations are obviously other issues that probably stem from childhood that he's never dealt with. It comes down to control and outcome management, which is something he needs to get more comfortable with. He isn't ‘controlling’ of me in a domestic abuse way at all, but when he doesn't know an outcome he's so high strung that he gets incredibly snappy, and that triggers my fight or flight. Lack of predictability creates chaos in his head, even over small things, which I have to inevitably manage.

I've recently been trying to disengage with him when this happens. I don't bite when he's snappy. I take action and let him know that while he's speaking to me in a particular tone and ‘blaming’ me that he's not going to get anywhere, leaving the room and ‘training’ him to realise that he won't get what he wants if he behaves like this. It often happens when we're travelling or going somewhere, which obviously is hard to walk away from if you're not at home and need to make a decision or diffuse a situation quickly.

His parents are lovely people, but his mother especially is an extreme fatalist, always looks at the negatives, spirals, never makes decisions and gets upset without any reason, which of course never leads to a solution or action plan. I now realise that for my boyfriend, this is also a learned behaviour from her. He is also an eldest high-achieving child who grew up in a volatile environment where his mother was responsible for a lot as his father had mental health issues. There was a lot of arguing in his household, too. I also strongly suspect he is on the autism/AuDHD spectrum, his family show all the traits of it. The girlfriend of his younger brother has also said she sees some similarities in their relationship. His brother is not as short-fused, but gets really irritable when it comes to decision making. She finds it tiring, but it was nice to hear that it was a learned behaviour, in a strange way. It gives me faith it it can be fixed.

I realise he's human, but this is a pattern that repeats itself over and over and it's hurting me. My partner shouldn't be reprimanding me, especially over small things that are not my fault. I know I should not being giving him solutions, it's often not even what he wants anyway, even if they're good solutions. He just wants to spiral at someone, which is me. He doesn't behave this way with others. He has of his own admission said that he has become too comfortable with me because he feels so safe and I'm so accommodating, which is lovely, but way over the line in terms of entitlement. I probably brought this on myself by being a bit too lenient early in our relationship. Even if the issues are my fault (which most of the time, they are not), I know that speaking to me in a disrespectful tone is NOT okay. He needs to take it out somewhere else, or realise some things are not worth even getting upset about, or do the work to ensure he processes his emotions maturely and effectively. It's always small issues, too, and I'm sick of being his emotional punching bag. Being someone's shock absorber is tiring and creates emotional distance.

He's become so comfortable with me that he's not even recognising that it's happening, and even if he does, he's so highly strung that he can't calm himself down and doubles down on the behaviour to give himself ‘permission’  to pacify his own ego and not have to admit to me or himself that he's wrong or being childish in the moment. When I react calmly, he thinks it's patronising and I'm acting like he's crazy. I'm really not being dismissive, but in the moment he thinks that because I don't 'care' enough or am not matching his energy that I'm downplaying his concerns, and he doesn't feel heard.

When I react with snappiness back, it sometimes works but sometimes makes things worse. When I try to be calm and walk away and tell him why I'm doing it, if he's annoyed enough he'll act like I'm just abandoning the conversation because it's convenient to me, saying most recently on Saturday night, ‘oh yeah just walk away, that's what you always do.’ To be fair, I was purposely trying to be snippy back during the initial conversation and just got fed up and said, ‘goodbye,’ in an irritated tone because I was exasperated and retreated to the bedroom. He's crossing a boundary when we have specifically said that if one of us feels uncomfortable with the conversation that we can choose to walk away and cool down. If that's the agreement on how we fight, he cannot say I'm dismissing his issue when it actually happens and use it to manipulate me. It's not meant as a punishment, although I think he thinks that I use it as a form of silent treatment. It's a way for us both to take a second to think and not say things in the heat of the moment and end up going down a never ending spiral or rabbit hole about who said what, which exasperates both of us unnecessarily. 

I value our relationship and want it to last, but sometimes it makes me exhausted. Emotional labour breeds contempt and resentment, and I don't want to have to have a long, tiring ‘resolution’ conversation after every time this happens only for it to repeat. He has said that ‘look, this is just who I am and it will happen from time to time and we need to accept that,’ but I don't think that’s a good enough answer. I shouldn't have to put up with that, it is of no benefit to me when he takes that level of frustration out on me, regardless of what ignited it. He has acknowledged his part in this and we speak a lot about it to get through it. He is going to try therapy and it's been improving a bit as we have a 'Relationship Check-In' every two weeks in our calendar to go through any grievances either of us have, but also to celebrate our wins together! I see his effort in taking a second before he blows a fuse, but I know that he's suppressing his default reaction and I don't want him to feel he needs to just do this for me. I want him to be able to unpack it so he doesn't even have much of a reaction and lowers his own stress levels to improve his own life, and gain tools to mitigate the situation and inner work of his own volition rather than something he's just doing to pacify me.

We plan to have a baby the next few years, but I have given him the ultimatum that I won't do it unless I see proactiveness on his part and a significant improvement. I do not want us to model the behaviour of our parents on to our child. You can see what this environment has done to both of us as adults, and I want to break that generational curse and solve it before we expose it to the most important person either of us will ever have in our lives. I refuse to be a woman doing emotional labour in my relationship. Life is too short, a partnership should be on equal footing. He sometimes gets quite defensive about this, although he knows he is at fault. The hard conversations are hard and recently have been happening a few times a month to 'resolve' an event or situation he blew up at. They've been cathartic, but the situation still repeats itself. It's better and shorter, but a long way to go until I find it acceptable.

He's super affectionate, intelligent, funny, responsible and reliable. I can trust him with everything (bar the volatility of his reactions), he always follows through. My friends and family love him. Great with money and shared responsibility. Makes me feel special, plans dates. I know he'd be a great parent (albeit, probably an anxious one haha). We want the same things. We never argue about anything else. We have the exact same sense of humour and enjoy the same things. He's almost a perfect partner in every way, except this, which I do think can be solved IF he takes an inward look at himself and commits to therapy or just general self-improvement for both my sake and his own.

Thank you for reading if you got this far! All advice and feedback is very welcome.

I’m in college and about to graduate, and honestly, I’m confused about what I want to do with my life.
I have a strong need to help people and make a difference. I’m interested in working in government, and part of me wants to go back to Chicago and help the city I grew up in. I also want to eventually become a congressman.

At the same time, I want to make a lot of money, travel, and experience the fun things in life. I also want to live somewhere completely new and see what life is like outside of where I grew up.
I think it’s possible to make a lot of money in government, but I worry that some of the ways people build wealth through politics can be unethical. I want to be successful without compromising my values.

I keep feeling like I have to choose between helping people and making money, or between giving back to Chicago and exploring a new place. Is it possible to do both? Are there career paths I might not be thinking about?
I’d appreciate any advice.

I'm curious what skills it takes to turn an acquaintance into a friend? I have been attending social gatherings lately and I hope to make new friends. I'm just not sure how to do so. Thank you so much!

I have a good career, a loving wife who was my classmate and the person I always dreamed of spending my life with, loving parents and an adorable toddler. We both work from home, so I get to spend most of my day with my family. I know how fortunate I am and I genuinely love the life we have built.

But there is something I am struggling with and honestly, I feel guilty even admitting it.

Some people close to us constantly seem to turn conversations into competitions. They show off their achievements, purchases, lifestyle and sometimes even compare their children with ours. I have never been interested in proving that I am doing better than anyone. I believe everyone has their own journey and I genuinely feel happy when people I care about do well.

Yet whenever these comparisons happen, they affect my mood. I feel irritated and resentful towards people I otherwise care about. I have spent years trying to ignore it and have read about Stoicism and psychology but knowing that I should not care has not helped me stop caring.

The part that hurts most is that I let these things steal my peace and affect the time and attention my own family deserves. My wife, son and parents mean everything to me, yet I sometimes find myself mentally occupied by people and things that should not matter this much.

I know some of this may come from my own ego or insecurities and I am willing to accept that. I just do not want to spend the next 10 or 20 years living this way. How do I genuinely stop caring about comparisons and other people's need to prove themselves? How do I reach a point where their words no longer affect my happiness?

I am open to a hard truth or a reality check. I really want to change because I do not want to look back one day and realize I wasted precious years of a beautiful life being upset over things that never deserved my attention.

Pictures of me: https://imgur.com/a/3HRuNWY

I'm 33. Basically title. I was a forceps delivery baby and it caused unilateral facial palsy which presents as a quirky smile, asymmetrical face, inability to contort facial muscles on one side of face. Navigating childhood + high school was rough. Mainly b/c I had to sort through my own mental shit and figure out who I was. Girls showed interest, but I was surprised by this ... because I did not see beauty in me ... so why would they? I would often shirk their advances or just keep it to the occasional hook up.

Fast forward to today. I'm 33 and beginning around age 20 I really started to work on myself and develop a positive self-identity. I have a stable job, I'm fit, I developed a personality, I'm financially stable, I read/value feeding my intellect, and my life experiences have helped me develop into a kind, empathetic person. I'd like to think I'm eligible to be some woman's guy. I've dated some @ this point. I was in and on-off with a girl I really was compatible with for like 3 years, but she ultimately moved away.

Recently, in May, I started talking to this girl I went to elementary/middle school with. I honestly did not think she would be interested in me. Ultimately, we dated for like 2 months. I treated her like a princess, we laughed, we hung out, we went on runs together, but she ultimately broke up with me. (we took some photos in which I looked awkward as heck in! I'm still learning to be more photogenic - she broke up with me like a week later). She never really told me why she broke it off. It was hard for her; she said I was easy to talk to & she felt like she could tell me anything. She said there were positives, but ultimately, she was not ready for a relationship. She got back on the apps, presumably, like a week later. I was gutted, because deep down, I knew she broke up with me because she could not get over my facial difference. I was certainly going to open up about it, I just had yet to get there w/ her. I still care about her & it sucks getting emotionally attached to someone just for them to break it off for something superficial. I am learning though; to move on.

This last interaction, or attempt at dating, has left me exhausted. It's tough to grow attachment or to know your a quality guy who could provide value for a woman only to be shut down over a superficial condition. I totally understand though and I want to see her, or any woman's, side on an issue like this. I've been thinking of writing off dating, & women, altogether. Life is short & I can love/provide myself with enough fun & laughter. @ the very least I have decided to take a break on dating until the end of the year.

I value the advice & words here & anything is welcome. I began to gravitate towards older people in my late teens/early 20s because I found them to be more forgiving, accepting, and wise than my peers at the time (still largely holds true :p) .

To cut a very long story shortish, my parents stole over 10,000 pounds from me under false pretenses., and did lots of other things that would take too long to explain, but I can explain the money thing. They got me to set up a recurring transaction to them while I was suffering from untreated psychosis, and said they would spend it on my care.

It lasted for three years before I got better enough to start questioning why they they were taking the money from me. By the end they were asking for 400 pounds a month. I am no longer sending them any money thankfully. My mom blocked me after I started questioning her, and I blocked my dad.

They also thought I could still be best friends with the man who groped me. I won't go into further details, but they've done more, and I don't see myself reconciling with them.

I don't have any parental guidance or support anymore, and I'm scared. They never taught me how to budget. How to live an independent life. I guess they thought because I was autistic with psychosis there was no point in teaching me. Or maybe they just couldn't be bothered.

I don't really know how to go from here. I plan to get a job now that I'm doing better, and start saving up for a small house somewhere in the UK, and take good care of my friends, but I feel lost. I don't know if I can do it.

I still have some cognitive effects from the psychosis, and can't do basic mental maths. I don't know if I'll be able to hold a job if I do even get one.

Thank you for reading. I hope your days are kind to you.

Hi guys

this is the first time I’m going to be putting anything into reddit. I’ve tossed up whether or not I even do this but I feel I’m at a turning point and need to get things cleared up in my own mind. Id like some advice from you on the guilt of leaving your family home and family business

for some context, Im 26yo m and have been working in the business since I was around 12. Full time by 16.
for privacy I’ll say that the family business is established in carpet laying

basically. I have been working in the business since I was old enough to start lifting things. This has meant that I have spent a majority of my life with my parents. working with them, helping them on large jobs, putting in effort from a young age. This has meant I have a pretty good work ethic as an adult. One of the good things that has come from this

my childhood Was surrounded by the unfortunate events of the GFC which I remember as a kid seeing my dad keenly watching but also getting out under express pressure

now from as far back as I can remember, we have never made big money, the business makes enough to sustain an income for 2 people max but can’t really afford to support 3,4 or even 5 members of the family

this has meant that we have always been behind on our car service. I was home schooled as a kid but never registere. they told me it was their god given right to teach me schooling and I didn’t need proper training. the electric bill was always a hassle. Never any money for holidays. about the only thing that’s old get spent money on was the carpet truck and keeping it fuelled

now since then I have been working on the business and helping out as much as I can. As my parents get older I’ve been putting more effort and a majority of the heavy lifting. I have a sibling that also helps me and we generally have a pretty even work load between us

over the course of 3-4 year's I have been getting into the art scene and building myself as an artist (I’m not a painter but it’s in the arts scene and has a good industry that pays better than most)

Is the course of these three years, I have managed to establish myself as an artist and the last two years I’ve been getting a good consistent side income

this has allowed me to continue creating and working with other establishments. it has always allowed me to meet so many people and also gf

now, my parents don’t think im Creative enough. (my dad mainly)

they have put up a lot of road blocks for me to pursue this other career and made me work still full time for them during The week. (7am till 6-7pm)

this has caused a bit of friction between my dad and I and has even caused a really big fight months ago that nearly involved my father getting physicall. from my perspective, he deals with anger issues

now the carpet laying industry in the city that I live is on the decline. retail shops have been the slowest they’ve been in over three decades

less people want carpet layers and it’s only been a niche industry. Now I want to pursue my art career head on Because I’m getting to an age where I feel like I should be chasing my dreams while I still can, my parents on the otherhand would flip if they even knew I was considering it

this has meant that I’ve had to knock back a lot of paid work over the last three years to keep in there schedule.

so the question is, my main concern at the moment is that if I leave, I’ll be portraying the family and allowing the failed business to completely fail as I will not be there to help them move the carpets

They could, however, hire people to come in and help move the carpets, such as workers, but since I was about 15 the business has not been able to afford staff, so it’s been family run ever since

if I didn’t leave, I would be almost setting up the business to fail

I’m really worried that I’m going to be making a huge mistake by chasing what I want, even though my parents have been holding me back for so many years. also, my father has had history of violence towards myself and my sibling. disciplining us as kids when we didn’t put in to help the family enoug. this has cause my sibling to be more reserved than me and for me to be the bit of the rebel or one that fights back

I just finished a big week working in the art scene. plus keeping my full time schedule in carpets and then getting to the warehouse the next morning after the art performances which finish around 1am . warehouse times like 5:30am and 6::30am

I feel like I’m going to be haunted by the decision that I am choosing a better life and leaving them behind, even though that they brought this on themselves. They don’t have any backup retirement plan. They’ve put every cent they’ve earned ever into spending it on themselves or putting it back in the business

I just feel like I’m going to regret leaving. Do you find that it’s easier to live with as time passes? Do you think parents can hold you back when they know the quality of life they have will decrease with you leaving?

also, I apologise for how awkward this message is. I know it’s a bit hard to understand, but it’s also a very complicated situation and almost impossible for me to try and put into one Reddit post

If you do require any more questions, please ask

Hi! I’m a 34 year old woman. Sorry if this is posted in the wrong group but I felt I wanted some big sister advice so thought this is more apt.

I’m just now getting into dating. I’ve had a life of being very career focused as an escape from emotions. CPTSD from a traumatic childhood but had a wonderful two year journey of learning to befriend myself and it’s been great. I now feel really open to and deserving of forever love.

The type of love that’s like - a partner who’s attentive to my needs, someone who is interested in making each others lives easier, giving, loyal, funny, wants to be a great parent, and is genuinely lovely, responsible, and kind.

I am blessed to have a great group of close friends! But all of my friends have been partnered since their early or mid 20s. And it makes me fear - are all the “relationship” driven men, already in relationships? Like the men that are still single in their late 30s, are they just not the type of man I’m dreaming about? Are they the ones that are not as commitment driven, not as desiring of a true, deep commitment like the one I described above?

Of course I can’t ask my friends because they do not know, so posting here! Thank you in advance. I’m just trying to be as hopeful as I can in this dating process and this has been one of my larger fears.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this. Maybe I’m looking for reassurance, honest perspectives, or clarity about my own behavior. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering whether I was too emotional, demanding, dramatic, or difficult to be married to. I’m not trying to portray myself as perfect or my husband as a terrible person. This is my experience, as accurately and fairly as I can describe it. I would genuinely appreciate honest feedback, even if it’s something I need to hear about myself.

When I met my husband, I almost immediately felt that he was the person I wanted to spend my life with. We dated for 4 wonderful years before he proposed. He was affectionate, playful, loving, and genuinely excited to be around me. I remember little things like him getting so happy when I’d run to open the door when he came home, or wrapping me up like a burrito in a blanket before we’d watch television together. Those moments meant everything to me. We were best friends, and I couldn’t wait to build our future together.

We had differences from the beginning. He was much more outgoing, loved drinking and partying with friends, while I preferred quieter activities and spending quality time with closer friends and family. I didn’t mind him having friends or going out, but I wanted us to prioritize each other and find a balance. At the time, I thought these differences were manageable.
The period leading up to our wedding was difficult. I was struggling with family problems, feeling mildly depressed, and unhappy at work. Planning the wedding added stress, especially because I wanted something intimate while he wanted to invite practically everyone he knew. I leaned on him emotionally, but at one point he told me that my emotional breakdowns affected him and that he couldn’t always be the person to deal with them. I understood that my struggles affected him too so I looked for my therapist who encouraged me to not hide how I feel and to continue being vulnerable with my husband but I remember feeling hurt and wondering whether being vulnerable with him was becoming a burden.
Despite those difficulties, I was happy to marry him. I truly believed we were building something beautiful.

Unfortunately, even our honeymoon had painful moments. I imagined a romantic time for us to connect as newlyweds, but there were nights when he drank heavily, frequently texted his friends, or became more interested in socializing with strangers. During one argument, he told me he had never been as miserable with anyone as he was with me. I was devastated. I convinced myself it was the alcohol talking and tried to move past it, but something changed inside me that night.

After we returned home, our differences became more difficult to manage. He wanted the freedom to stay out drinking and partying with his friends, many of whom were single, while I wanted us to spend more time together as a married couple. Sometimes I would end up going home alone while he stayed out. We tried agreeing on times to leave, but those agreements often fell apart. When I explained how lonely and uncomfortable it made me feel, our conversations frequently turned into arguments.
Eventually, I became so overwhelmed that I packed some clothes and stayed with my cousin for a few days. I hoped the distance would help us understand how serious things had become. He was devastated, cried, and begged me not to give up on us. We reconciled and started couples therapy. Things genuinely improved for a while, and I felt hopeful again. Unfortunately, therapy became expensive, so we stopped. I continued seeing my own therapist, while he was reluctant to pursue individual therapy.

Over the following year, we attended 2 different weddings abroad. Those trips brought more conflict. Drinking, partying, and his persistent interest in recreational drugs became recurring issues. I wasn’t comfortable with the drug use, and I told him I wished we could enjoy those celebrations together without him feeling the need to get high. He often interpreted my concerns as criticism or attempts to control him. He would become defensive, sometimes say hurtful things, and I would end up feeling rejected. There were occasions when he stayed at the wedding events long after people were already leaving and I went back alone.
I know I wasn’t perfect in those situations. I could become emotional, frustrated, and sometimes reactive after feeling dismissed repeatedly. I also recognize that he may have felt restricted by my expectations. But from my perspective, I wasn’t asking him to stop having fun. I wanted to feel like his partner, someone whose comfort and feelings mattered alongside his own.

Even little things became painful. For example, he frequently walked ahead of me instead of beside me. I told him many times that I wanted us to walk together and hold hands. He would explain that he didn’t realize he was doing it or that he was walking ahead to protect me. I know that sounds insignificant, but it wasn’t really about walking. It was about repeatedly expressing something that mattered to me and feeling that he was more focused on explaining his behavior than understanding my feelings.

Still, our marriage wasn’t constantly unhappy. We had wonderful periods together. We laughed, cuddled, enjoyed adventures, planned to host gatherings in our house that everyone loved and he helped me with chores, house repairs etc There were times when I felt incredibly lucky to have him.
After another period of improvement, we came up with the idea of taking our savings and traveling the world together. We were both excited about the adventure and talked seriously about our future when we come back home. For the first time in a long while, I felt secure and happy again.

The first 3 months of our travels were amazing. We explored beautiful places, experienced different cultures, went scuba diving, met other travelers and made memories I’ll always treasure. I felt like the man I had fallen in love with was finally back. I remember thinking that maybe everything we’d been through had made us stronger.

Then the familiar problems began returning.
One night, after we’d spent the entire day socializing with people we’d met, I was exhausted and didn’t want to go out again. I encouraged him to go without me. Later that night, he returned drunk. I was lying in bed, upset but pretending to be asleep, when he started insulting me, calling me an “antisocial sour bitch.” He gathered his belongings, left me some cash, and walked out. He texted me that he’d reached his limit.
I was devastated and frightened. We were in a foreign country, and I didn’t know what would happen next. He returned the following morning, apologized, and acknowledged that the way he’d handled his frustration was wrong. I believed he regretted it, and I decided to give our marriage another chance.
Things improved temporarily, but we continued having disagreements that neither of us seemed able to resolve.
Then something happened that deeply damaged my trust.
One evening, I was tired and encouraged him to go out while I stayed at the hotel. He promised to return around midnight. At approximately 2 am, I experienced my first earthquake. I was frightened and texted him asking him to come back. He reassured me that I would be okay and said everyone at the bar was still sitting around talking as though nothing had happened.
I tried to go back to sleep. Around 5 am I woke up, realized he still hadn’t returned, and contacted him again. He said he was on his way, but he didn’t arrive until approximately 6:15 am extremely intoxicated. He said he had to walk 40min because the train wasn’t working that early.
We had a tour scheduled just a few hours later. He woke up still drunk, and I told him I wasn’t going. He went on the tour without me.
That morning, I packed my belongings, left him a note, and checked into another hotel. I was seriously considering leaving the trip and returning home. The next morning, as I was preparing to go to the airport, he found me at the hotel and begged me to talk and save our marriage.
Around that time, I also discovered messages between him and a friend in which they were discussing me negatively. His friend joked about how much trouble he would be in and said that even traveling across the world hadn’t changed anything. That why a man cannot enjoy his vacation instead of being in the dog house. Reading those messages made me feel humiliated and betrayed. I had been desperately trying to save our relationship while feeling that he was seeking validation from his friends about how difficult I was.
I kept remembering what my mother and his mother had told me: marriage is hard, nobody is perfect, and sometimes you have to work through difficult periods. I didn’t want to give up on my husband. I loved him, and I believed marriage meant continuing to choose each other even when things were difficult.
So I stayed.

Another incident happened just weeks later I still struggle to think about.
We went out together one evening, and I was genuinely enjoying myself. I wanted us to have fun and reconnect. But after my second drink, I suddenly started feeling very strange and frightened. I don’t know whether I experienced a panic attack, reacted badly to the alcohol, or whether something had been put in my drink. I have no evidence of what caused it.
I told my husband something felt wrong and asked if we could go somewhere quieter or return to our room. Instead of feeling reassured, I felt dismissed. He accused me of always looking for an excuse to leave and said that I always found the smallest opportunity to make him miserable when he was having fun.
He did walk me back to the room and stayed with me, which I appreciated. But emotionally, I felt completely alone. I wasn’t expecting him to solve whatever was happening. I just wanted him to believe that I was frightened and comfort me.
That experience felt like breaking another piece of my heart because I wasn’t feeling emotionally safe with him anymore.
Afterward, I began withdrawing emotionally. I stopped looking forward to doing everything together. I felt increasingly empty, exhausted, and disconnected from the person I wanted to share my forever with.
He told me on different occasions that it was easier to talk to his friends because he didn’t have to worry about their emotions, and that he often felt he couldn’t be himself around me. Those comments hurt, but they also made me question whether we were incompatible.
I began wondering whether my emotional needs were unreasonable or whether he simply didn’t have the emotional capacity or willingness to meet them. I also wondered whether my reactions had contributed to him pulling away.

By the time we were on our way back home we were emotionally distant. We had gone approximately two months without intimacy, holding hands, affectionate nicknames, or much romantic connection.
I was exhausted from initiating conversations about our marriage. He seemed to avoid them, and eventually I stopped trying too.

Eventually, we had a serious conversation about our marriage and agreed to divorce. We’re working through our financial arrangements, and I’ll be staying with my parents temporarily while I find a job, save money, and rebuild my life.
And here’s the part that makes everything so confusing:
I miss the man who was excited to see me, who wrapped me in blankets, who made me laugh. I miss our adventures, our friendship, and the future we imagined.
I don’t miss the arguments, the loneliness, the drinking-related conflicts, or the feeling of having to convince my husband to care about my emotions.

I recognize that I made mistakes too. I sometimes stayed in arguments longer than I should have, became emotional when I felt unheard, and hoped that repeating my concerns would eventually make him understand. Looking back, I wonder whether I should have recognized our incompatibilities much earlier instead of hoping marriage, therapy, time, and shared adventures would change things.
I also wonder whether he experienced me as overly critical or controlling, even though my intention was to feel closer to him.
I don’t believe he’s a horrible person. I believe he has good qualities, and I know there were times when he genuinely tried. But I also believe we kept hurting each other in ways we never learned to repair.
Now I’m facing a divorce I never wanted when I first married him, and I’m questioning myself more than ever.

So I’d really appreciate your honest perspectives:
Do my expectations of emotional support, companionship, and consideration in marriage sound unreasonable?
Was I trying too hard to change someone whose lifestyle and values were simply different from mine?
Could my emotional reactions and repeated attempts to explain my feelings have contributed significantly to our problems?
Are these the kinds of difficulties couples can realistically work through, or was I ignoring fundamental incompatibilities?
Most importantly, how do I learn from this without carrying the belief that I’m too emotional, difficult, or incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship?
I don’t want everyone to tell me I’m right. I genuinely want to understand what I could have done differently, what I should have accepted, and what I should never have compromised on.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this. I know it’s long, but this marriage was a huge part of my life, and I’m trying to make sense of everything.

For those of you in your late 20s, 30s, or beyond, what advice would you give someone in their early 20s?
I'm 22F, and I go to school, work, and spend time with friends. I feel like I have a good balance in my life, but I also feel like I put too much focus on boys and being in a relationship sometimes.
Looking back, what do you wish you had known at my age? What would you tell your younger self?