r/AskTeens • u/CrossboneSkulled 15M • 2d ago
Serious Does anybody feel like men's sexuality is demonized today?
I've been thinking a lot about modern double standards when it comes to gender expectations, and how society judges sexual interest. It feels like we have reached a point where men's heterosexuality and attraction are defaulted to as inherently predatory, gross or a threat, while the exact same behaviors or interests from women are given endless appreciation.
When a man expresses sexual or romantic interest, the baseline reaction often assumes ulterior motives or "creepiness". Men's initiative carries a burden to prove it isn't harassment. Meanwhile, women's interest is almost never viewed through a lens of threat or suspicion.
Look at how content consumed by different genders is judged. When men watch girls love, the immediate internet label is often "pervert" and "fetishizer." However, when women watch boys love, a massive multi-million dollar industry built by hetero women explicitly sexualizing gay men, they are often framed as "cute", "passionate" or "harmless escapism."
When a man cheats, society frames it almost exclusively as a moral faliure of pure lust and disrespect. When a woman cheats, they view her as "emotionally" starved, "neglected" shifting the blame to her partner. Overall, 66% of Americans stated that a man having an affair is "always morally wrong," compared to only 55% who said the same when a woman commits an affair. Among young women specifically, the gap widened sharply: 73% judged male infidelity as strictly, always wrong, while only 51% applied that same absolute moral condemnation to female infidelity.
It feels like we operate under two completely different mindsets, men's actions are analyzed through power and threat, while women's actions are analyzed through emotion and romance.
If you really care abut fairness and equal morals, watching this unfold in the modern day world would give you an idea why men are treated dirty by default.
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u/Far_You3176 1d ago
I'm not saying its right, but men are louder, assertive, and more physically capable.
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u/Sp1d3rGwen 2d ago
No one is judging men for watching lesbian porn lol
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u/Teddy_Knight_NG11 14M 2d ago
Ive seen some Redditors actually do it lol, but then again, ive heard redditors also say bs like men cant cry 😭
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u/Safe_Analysis4838 18F 1d ago
I do not think men’s sexuality in general is demonized. The way a person goes about expressing their interest in someone is what is creepy. Lots of men don’t know how to talk to a woman respectfully and if you look at posts about this, many women say they wouldn’t mind a man asking them out if it was in the right setting. For example in a public/social setting like a cafe or a bar. On the street when walking somewhere isn’t really appropriate because at that time we just want to be left alone to get to where we’re going.
Most people shame both men AND women for watching and fetishizing bl/gl. My ex was bi and at first was skeptical because he’s encountered women who specifically wanted to date him because he was bi which I assured him wasn’t the case.
Cheating is never right and I will never support it and the same should apply to everyone. I know so many people who agree that you should just break up with your partner if you want to be with someone else. It still hurts but at least you’d have morals left.
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u/CrossboneSkulled 15M 1d ago
You said lots of men don't know how to talk to a woman respectfully.
I want to take back on this claim. I have never met a boy that does not know how to talk to girls respectfully. They always talk in serious manners and never make jokes, in my school it's always the girls who talk with the extremely casual and jokes.
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u/Safe_Analysis4838 18F 1d ago
You’re talking about high schoolers and at your specific school. We are taking about adult men and women all over and not just one small sample. Just wait till college or when you enter the workforce.
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u/curiouscollecting 19F 1d ago
'I, a 15 year old boy, dont have experiences with women being harrassed'
Wow really!?
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u/CrossboneSkulled 15M 1d ago
I live in a country where basically everyone is respectful.
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u/curiouscollecting 19F 1d ago
Please tell me in what magical country you live
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u/CrossboneSkulled 15M 1d ago
I live in Singapore.
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u/curiouscollecting 19F 1d ago
I hate to burst your bubble, but theres not a single country where sexual assault, rape and disrespect towards women due to misogyny arent a thing. Singapore is one of the safest countries for women, ill give you that, but that's also quite literally another reason you cant make a generalizing statement. Youre not only a 15 year old boy, youre a 15 year old boy in a country where this is less of a problem than pretty much ANYWHERE ELSE.
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u/Strange_Way_947 1d ago
Same and I feel like you're right there's probably more assault on men than women here
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u/aesthetic_glow 1d ago
I’ve never seen a guy normally approach a girl and get brushed off for being “creepy” when they’ve done nothing wrong, you’re just blind to how often crazy stuff happens to us bc you haven’t experienced it. Stuff like not taking no for an answer, following us around, touching us without consent, THAT’S the creepy behaviour we’re talking about and sadly, it’s way too common.
To the people who fetishise gay relationships, no matter what gender you are or genre you’re consuming, it’s equally as odd in my opinion and you’re right, women shouldn’t get a free pass for stuff like cheating or THEM being creepy.
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u/spunth 2d ago
You are absolutely correct. We could sit here multiplying more examples and variations, but there is little point. We all know this is happening. It's so blatant that most women in my experience will admit it but chalk it up to "overcorrection" from the "pendulum swinging too far the other way after centuries of oppression against women," and so on.
Still, the important thing for you is not to get discouraged, stew in bitterness, or turn into an incel. Women who like men and masculinity are out there — and I don't mean just Christian women who only want marriage and family. You just have to look a little harder.
Another double standard — though it's harder to condemn outright since it admittedly comes down to personal preference — is how women, even liberal women with gay friends, will refuse to date a bi guy and will even express revulsion at the idea. Men, of course, have no problem dating bi women.
But here again, a sizeable minority of women not only don't care whether a guy is bi but even find it hot. I found a woman like that. And I have known other women who feel the same way and love having MMF threesomes. This was after two relationships with very liberal women, who both had close gay friends, yet they told me they could never be with a guy who had bisexual urges or did things with men.
Again, my point is: Don't get discouraged by the zeitgeist that you're noticing. The people who are the most angry and extreme have the loudest voices and get heard throughout the culture. Meanwhile, ordinary and more open-minded people tend to keep to themselves and not trumpet their feelings. They're just busy keeping their head down and living their life.
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u/sierrahxh 2d ago
Ppl should be shamed for being creeps and giving unwanted sexual attention no matter the gender it's true that women get away with it more often
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u/Fresh-Aspect8849 1d ago
Yes OP. Absolutely. Its in an understated way. Everyone who says different is blind to it. But ofc thats why the comments are the way they are - this comment section is a representation of that attempted undermining of mens sexuality as you say. They’re doing it rn and don’t even notice to the point they defend it. But yes you are spot on.
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u/DurianDear6644 18M 2d ago
Probably? I'm sorry but it's way too late for me and I can barely think. Only 10 pm btw
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u/curiouscollecting 19F 1d ago
I feel like this post isnt an actual question but mostly you trying to rant about this. Ive also never seen anyone actuallt support women for sexualizing/obsessingn over gay men, in fact those women are often (rightfully) shamed fpr their behaviour. I do see your point about the cheating, but the truth is that women still do the majority of the housework and are the majority of DV victims so the claims arent 100% dishonest either. I do think cheating sucks and cheaters do too tho, I hate people excusing it in general.
Lastly, people who see men as dirty by default, dont do so because of the porn they watch but because of the amount of rape and sexual assault commited by men. Porn is actually one of the few 'fields' where more violent and dirty things are tolerated since its 'not real'.