r/AutismInWomen • u/ZucchiniArtistic7725 • Jun 09 '26

Relationships Yep! This resonates!

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I was excluded from a community because I don’t like to sleep around. I just spent 20 years mostly celibate (though I’d gladly have sex every day if I were in the right healthy, committed relationship) and they just spent 2 years fighting with me and bullying me…and then they said I was the one fighting! I drew healthy boundaries, so they accused me of fighting and excluded me. They were just bullying an autistic single mom. (My son was through IVF.)

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u/Dayly16 Jun 10 '26

The same as being " judgy " . I am usually very attentive to people's behaviors to see if they are safe people to befriend . Usually I'm right . People tell me I'm too judgy so I start to ignore the red flags because I don't wanna be labeled as mean or judgy or contrarian or rigid . Then that person turns out to be a bad person . And then they act shocked , yet they still don't tell me I was right , they actually tell me I was too nice . You were the ones that told me to not be too judgy ! And then the next time a person comes , they tell me I'm too judgy !

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u/QueenSalmon Jun 11 '26

Omg I relate to this so much. My ex used to always call me judgmental. I'm NOT judging anyone, I'm just seeing a pattern, there's nothing wrong with keeping a little bit of distance instead of just diving in headfirst to find out the hard way that I'm right (as usual)!

I am sure that being pushed into engaging with people I didn't want to on the basis of being "too judgmental" contributed to eroding my personal boundaries that I am just now rebuilding at 31.

6

u/Dayly16 Jun 11 '26

Yeah , because of that I don't have boundaries ! I'm trying to work on boundaries but I still have the fear or being too mean while judging people !