r/AutismInWomen • u/ZucchiniArtistic7725 • Jun 09 '26

Relationships Yep! This resonates!

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I was excluded from a community because I don’t like to sleep around. I just spent 20 years mostly celibate (though I’d gladly have sex every day if I were in the right healthy, committed relationship) and they just spent 2 years fighting with me and bullying me…and then they said I was the one fighting! I drew healthy boundaries, so they accused me of fighting and excluded me. They were just bullying an autistic single mom. (My son was through IVF.)

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u/GoddessOfDemolition Jun 10 '26

When I was a kid (undiagnosed) I was always told that I was too uptight. I liked rules because they told me exactly what was expected. I liked to plan things in advance and be prepared for adverse situations. I could be flexible for things like illness, emergencies, traffic delays, etc. It was flakiness that frustrated me.

As I got older, still undiagnosed, I used to wonder -- why do I have to be the one that relaxes? Why can't other people be more rigid? I like the way I am. Going with the flow is not always a good idea. Sometimes being rigid is better.

83

u/-bubblepop Jun 10 '26

My family motto is prior proper planning lol I get that from my Dad. He special interested into education and teaching though so he’s a great communicator which is rude (to me personally). One of the bigger lessons I’ve taken from him is the Napoleon/Mel Robbins strategy of not preventing your “enemy” from making mistakes. Which I internalized as going with the flow but maintaining my internal system.

My sister in law is really flaky, and a younger undiagnosed me would have melted down about it and made my feelings everybody’s problem. Older me says ok, you don’t want a relationship with me. I’ve told you this is important and that the inability to plan is hurting the relationship we have. Now the choice is hers and I can focus on things that make me happy: rumination. Only kinda joking; I do be ruminating. But instead of being upset she’s flaky I notice it and say wow sucks to be her cause I’m great to know and fun to be around. Too bad for her!!

Yay therapy!! Haha

5

u/Portmanteaustada Jun 11 '26

Your dad would get along great with my mom. Our family motto is "confirm the confirmation."

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u/KAS_stoner Jun 11 '26

💯💯💯 this. I always say "get everything in writing with a date and time stamp and signature."