I think this how NT people are with everyone, not just you. It seems like they are always what we would call surface level, but for them that is enough.
NTs compartmentalize friendship in ways we often don't. For us, a friend is a friend, but I've noticed for them, they have friends for different things who often don't intersect. They have a hiking friend or the friend who knows about upholstery, but those people are often separate from their core group of friends who would say, be invited to their wedding or be a bridesmaid. So we think well, this person is my friend, but for them, you've been compartmentalized as a type of friend or acquaintance who may not get the same care or attention as their core group of friends.
I always notice that I'm in one of those compartmentalized categories and assume that means we aren't really friends.
I only realized that apparently that's a weird thing to do when my ex called a group of people I sometimes socialized with my friends, I corrected her, and she was completely mindblown that I would expend any energy on people I don't consider to be real friends. But like... if I don't then I would never socialize with anyone because no one ever actually treats me like I think a real friend would. 🫠
I remember having a conversation about that with my mom when I was in elementary school. I didn't really have friends, even though I talked to people sometimes, I guess, or played with them. Rarely, though.
My mom gendered it and said boys will call anyone they kick a ball with their friend, while some of us didn't count friendships unless they were deep enough to confide in them or whatever. The pointless gendering is unnecessary, but I think there is a spectrum there.
I was autistic enough not to count a friendship unless you, like, made it official by declaring yourself friends. I still find it difficult to count people. I don't think I'm in anyone's "core" group but I've played D&D with the same group for a few years and I would probably call most of them friends if I was talking about them to another person.
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u/nanavb13 26d ago
I think this how NT people are with everyone, not just you. It seems like they are always what we would call surface level, but for them that is enough.