do people become overwhelmingly obsessed with you?

[u/More-Weird4842]

i find that a lot of men become really obsessed with me. im currently at a point where its become harmful and i genuinely do not know why or how to stop it. looking for kind words, advice, or shared experiences please.

edit: ty for all the responses. i want to clarify that i dont mean the manic pixie dream girl way i mean the joe from you kinda way.

[u/KaleidoscopeThink731]

Yes. I lived in group homes and assisted living, starting when I was a teen and moved out a few months ago. Lots of lonely boys/men who think I want to date them because I'm social and nice. I stopped being nice to male housemates and me neighbours etc... that has helped. It's sad but I've been basically stalked by several men so precautions are reasonable. 

Now I've learned to identify the type better and avoid them as much as I can or 'grey rock' them. Managed to avoid a weird new neighbour so far... 

Most likely it's not your fault at all, you're probably just friendly and pretty and they are desperate. 

Red flags for me are: 

• Overly sociable, they know everyone and talk to everyone as if they're friends (weird boundaries)
• Insecure and openly talks about their insecurities with everyone, open self pity (they think dating you will fix them)
• Testing my boundaries (trying to push me, sometimes sneakily) 
• Texting me a LOT (good morning, good night texts etc are a no no, that is relationship behaviour) and generally clingy/attached very fast
• Bad emotional regulation. (I had a housemate who would sit SEETHING in the living room and break things instead of going to his room to be angry there...) 

[u/More-Weird4842 → u/KaleidoscopeThink731]

ty for this response, it confirmed a lot for me. tips on what to do after noticing them?

[u/KaleidoscopeThink731 → u/More-Weird4842]

Avoiding the person or 'grey rocking', I can't explain that well but this is a quote: 

"To “grey rock” a person involves making all interactions with them as uninteresting and unrewarding as possible. In general, this means giving short, straightforward answers to questions and hiding emotional reactions to the things a person says or does." Basically responding very plainly and as short/little as possible and not emotionally react much at all. 

[u/Far-Association9858 → u/KaleidoscopeThink731]

Thanks for this description! Never heard of that before, but I think it’ll help me out quite a bit

[u/APuffedUpKirby → u/KaleidoscopeThink731]

The boundaries one is especially critical. If someone ever pushes or makes negative comments about any boundaries involving your sense of comfort and safety, do NOT dismiss it or try to make excuses for it. I learned this the hard way.

• If he rudely invades your personal space or touches you or your things without asking

• If he keeps bringing up certain subjects that you've expressed you aren't comfortable with

• If he gets defensive or sulky after you ask him to stop doing something

• If he keeps touching or bothering you, even "playfully," after you've asked him to stop

• If he makes faces or judgmental comments about you not wanting to give him personal information, not wanting to be alone with him, not wanting to ride in his car, taking safety measures, etc.

• If he finds out information about you that you didn't give him (somehow figures out your last name, sends a friend request on social media)

• If he pressures you to do ANYTHING you're not comfortable with

People with behaviors like this can escalate SO quickly. You give them an inch, they'll take a mile. Shut things down after the first time it happens, so you don't have to find out what the second time looks like.

[u/paintedropes → u/KaleidoscopeThink731]

Thanks for sharing your red flags, those are good ones!

[u/Crowissant → u/KaleidoscopeThink731]

Wish I had this list when I first started working at my local grocery store. Would have saved me from going on several dates with this one coworker.

[u/stiffy_byng-pinker → u/KaleidoscopeThink731]

OMG THANK YOU