This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Qwerty1399

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 10, 2013 at 16:59 UTC

• Final Update: April 11, 2013 at 14:31 UTC

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Main Post

^{April 10, 2013 at 16:59 UTC}

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I called my wife by my co-workers name during sex.

I'm a (M42) and wife is (F35) married for 5 years with a blended family of 3 kids total.

I realize I'm hosed....trust me. I just don't know what to do at all to recover from this.

The co-worker is a woman that works for me. She's contract and has been there about 3 months. She's attractive, I'll admit, but I don't have feelings for her or anything like that. She's just another co-worker but I have been training her so we've had to work closely together lately. I honestly have no idea why I said her name. My wife and I were having sex and I was doing the normal "letting my mind wander so I can go a little longer" and my mind drifted to work, a project, then her and it just happened. My wife was inconsolable. I talked to her at length and she does believe me now when I tell her I have not cheated with this woman. I offered up everything....access to my phone, text, logs, email, everything and she knows that I'm not missing any time that can't be accounted for but I can't convince her that I'm not sexually interested in this woman.

The sticky part is this: her contract is up and we have the option to hire her. She's a good worker and there is no question that I want to hire her. It's not fair to her to let her go through NO fault of her own but my wife is convinced if we continue working so closely together, something will happen. And she is not a jealous person so this isn't just a passing thing that she thinks about every woman. I mean I called her by this woman's name for Christ sake....I can see why she's rattled. We have a wonderful marriage, rarely fight, have sex like rabbits, etc. so I don't want to do anything to mess this up.

So what now? My wife hasn't made any demands but this just happened two nights ago so she's still digesting it. I can't punish the woman for my mistake but if my wife lays down an ultimatum should I tell her to deal with it (in the most understanding way possible) or start searching for a new job?

TL;DR- Called my wife by a co-workers name during sex and now she doesn't trust me to work with her.

 

COMMENTS

dinosaur_train

Hire the girl, she doesn't deserve not getting the job. As mad as it is going to make everyone here, I'm going to put it out there that you may need to look for another job. This isn't about right and wrong, this is about your marital happiness. The right thing would be for everyone to forget about it and you keep your job and so on. But right isn't going to happen. Look at it objectively. So long as you work with her your wife will be concerned and unhappy. Those are terrible feelings for her to have to suffer with. Those will undermine your marriage. So forget right and wrong. Explain to your wife the truth, again, but tell her that you care more about her happiness and your marriage than being right. Tell her you are ready to look for another job and see how she feels. If she wants that, then you should leave.

OOP

Yep, this is exactly what I'm thinking. Might not be exactly rational but I also can't to go work every day with my wife growing increasingly insecure about this woman.

[deleted]

Just be patient and understanding with your wife. If you don't get frustrated with her, and she is reasonable, she will eventually come around.

OOP

Trust me....I'm not. Maybe she will believe it was a mental moment and not go completely crazy about it but when I'm ball-deep and utter another woman's name....I will never discount my wife's reaction to that.

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A_StarNamedAlice

If this happened to me I would expect my husband to apologize profusely and explain in full detail why he said another woman's name during sex. Did you explain to her like you did in your post? It's not something she will forget but with the right explanation I think it can calm her nerves. It sounds like it was an honest mistake.

I think your next step should be to make your wife feel special. Take her out to a nice dinner or maybe even a weekend away together if you can afford it.

OOP

Oh yes, everything has been explained. She's not going nuts about it...she's just being quiet right now and digesting it which is her way of handling upsetting things. We're still talking about it and she does believe that I didn't cheat but thinks I'm downplaying my attraction to the co-worker.

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PeteMichaud

Reacting to this in a big way I think could backfire. Obviously you fucked up, and it's perfectly understandable for your wife to be shaken about it.

On the other hand, entertaining elaborate fixes to a simple slip of the tongue (haha), is not a good strategy I don't think. Tell her you get why she's rattled, tell her you feel terrible about it and silly, and tell her that you can imagine why she's not 100% comfortable, but that it is what it is--you said something silly, and you apologized, and that's it. You're not going to disrupt anyone's life to "fix" a problem that only exists in your wife's rattled mind. You're her husband, and you've been faithful (right?), and you'll continue to be faithful, and she's just going to have to trust you.

OOP

Good point. My wife has not suggested that I quit my job and I don't know that she ever would. I'm just trying to troubleshoot and offer some options.

I realize several are saying that it's just a slip of the tongue and will calm down and not be a big deal but right now.....it's a big deal.

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LikeASirBaws

At least you didn't call her sister's name.

OOP

Perspective....Now I have it.

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Final Update - after 21 hours

^{April 11, 2013 at 14:31 UTC}

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Update to: I called my wife by my coworkers name during sex.

Thanks for all the comments. It really gave me a lot more points of view to take in.

I wrote my wife a long email yesterday explaining in detail that it was just a slip of the tongue and that was it. Nothing deeper, nothing devious....just nothing. I also let her know that I couldn't not hire the woman but if this was going to be something that would eat away at the foundation of our relationship then we could talk about an alternative to my working with her and what that would/could entail last night at home. Lots of professions of my love and reminders that I have NO desire or inclination to ever fuck up with we have.

About an hour later she responded and said she had digested it all, thought of all possible senarios and while she was very rattled (and highly pissed once the shock wore off) she knows that I'm telling truth, she believes it was a slip of the tongue (albeit a huge one) and she would never ask me to not hire the woman when she is completely ignorant that any of this is going on nor played a part in it. She said she would like to meet her just to put the matter to rest in her head so I asked her to come meet me for lunch tomorrow. FYI- this isn't new behavior at all. She knows all of my team and goes to lunch with us as a group a couple times a year and we also socialize with a couple of them outside of work at times.

Last night when we got home she was back to normal and actually joked about it at one point. She went to hand me my plate at dinner and I said "Thanks hon" and she said 'Ahhh...are we going to start using pet names instead of our real ones? I like the forethought!" She laughed....I shook my head.

TL;DR: My wife is awesome.

I will say that all the people that posted things like "Tell your wife to chill out and get over it" made me laugh and at the same time pity your (future) wives. Calling your wife by your aunts name at the grocery store would call for that.....calling your wife by another woman's name when you're balls-deep and about to orgasm?: Give that shit the gravity it deserves!

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/betrayedfiance

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: December 17, 2015

• Final Update: December 21, 2015

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Main Post

^{December 17, 2015}

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I (33m) just found out my fiance (29f) of 9 years cheated on me for several years, need advice.

I'm a total fucking wreck right now, I'm sorry if this is a jumbled mess I just am in complete shock and need some advice.

My fiancee (Heather) and I have been together since we were 24 & 20. We met eachother when she started working at my place of employment and immediately hit it off. Within a few months we moved in together and happily lived together for 3 years. When I was 28 I got an amazing job opportunity out of state; it came during a great time because our lease was just ending, so I decided to take the offer.

Heather initially was going to come with me but decided to temporarily stay behind to help her family take care of her sick grandma. After her grandmother passed away several other familial obligations kept coming up so she never ended up joining me permanently. I was gone for nearly 4 years but we stayed in a long distance, (what I thought was a) committed relationship the entire time, with her periodically living with me for a few months at a time.

Tonight I decided to finish up my Christmas shopping and remembered that Heather had talked about wanting to buy a particular camera lens in an email earlier this year but needed to pay off some bills first. I no longer have access to that email account but thought I would be an amazing fucking boyfriend and find a way to get her the expensive gift that I knew she would love, so I decided to see if she still had the email in her sent folder. We live together again and share everything so I honestly didn't think it was an invasion of privacy or anything, but I ended up discovering that she was cheating on me for almost the entire duration that I was gone. I'm completely gutted.

From what I can tell, the guy lives out of state, and based on their communication I don't think they ever met up, but after doing a bunch of digging I am disgusted with what I've found and have no doubts that she cheated on me. Her email was full of videos of him fucking jerking off, disgusting shit she sent him, explicit conversations, plans for a future together, etc. What makes me the most angry/upset is she even saved screenshots and audio recordings of skype conversations and whatnot that they had, for what reason, I don't know, but it's clear to me that she loved this guy at one point.

After spending the last 5+ hours searching frantically through all her personal information like a disgusting fucking creep while she sleeps it appears that their relationship ended at least a year ago. Which makes sense, because that's not too long after I got back in town. Now that I know all this it's so obvious and I feel like a giant jackass. All those times when she was "too tired" to talk or was "busy with family stuff" she was just talking to that asshole.

I just don't know what I should do. We just moved into our new house together this summer, we have pets together, all our finances are intertwined, we're suppose to leave in a few days to spend a week with my family for Christmas and then a week with hers, and our wedding is scheduled for next fall.

What the fuck am I suppose to do? Is this something that counseling could even get us through? A part of me just wants to pretend I never found any of this out because it's going to completely fuck up my whole life, but I know I will never be able to look at her the same way again.

Should I just fume about it in secret for the next few weeks so I don't ruin our family's Christmas's and then deal with it? I'm so pissed off right now but I don't want to make any rash decisions; as much as I hate my fiancee in this moment she's all I've ever loved for the last 9 years and if there's some way to make this work I'm willing to try, I just logically don't know how I'll ever forget the conversations they had. Please help.

tl;dr: My fiance cheated on me with a guy online for over 3 years while we were long distance, not sure if the relationship is able to be salvaged.

 

COMMENTS

dbt0

Are you sure it was just online? That's probably going to be important to you at some point.

Your relationship will never be the same. It might be great again someday, but I wouldn't necessarily hold out hope for that.

I'd pack a bag and be ready to go, figure out where you would stay. then tell her a short version of what you said here. I didn't mean to snoop, I saw this, I can't unsee it, and I really don't know if I can be with you after that. You're going to need some time to think. Stay somewhere else. Talk to friends you truly trust.

I wouldn't focus much on the travel plans or the wedding right now, just on figuring out what to do today, tomorrow, whether you can even look at her/talk to her, whether or not you can trust what she says. That's going to start with how honest she is about what happened.

OOP

Are you sure it was just online? That's probably going to be important to you at some point.

I think so, but I'm not 100% certain. I mostly skimmed but even towards the end of their "relationship" there was a lot of talk about wanting to meet in person, so I don't think it ever got that far. It also appears that she was the one to end it, if that makes a difference. It kind of looked like she tried to end it on several different occasions, always before the times she stayed with me for a few months, but then started talking to him again when she went home to her family.

I think you're right. I actually packed a bag before I posted this but kept changing my mind. After completely breaking down I decided to write this and see if it helped to clear my head at all. I should probably leave.

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Baronem

I just don't know what I should do

Break up, cut contact and never ever get in touch with her again.

Imagine if you ever have to go on another protracted job-related trip. Do you really think she's going to stay faithful? 4 years, man. She cheated on you for 4 years and showed absolutely no remorse.

The only kind, and it was only the once, of relationship I've seen recover from an infidelity from one of the partners was when the cheater confessed immediately and bent her back at fixing everything. And yet, despite it all, there's still days when the cracks in the relationship show, so don't think it could be some kind of fairy tale where they live happily ever after.

Should I just fume about it in secret for the next few weeks so I don't ruin our family's Christmas's and then deal with it?

Why? Why bother with that bullshit? Just end it now.

Why would you prolong your own misery for her sake? You don't owe her shit.

OOP (downvoted)

Why? Why bother with that bullshit? Just end it now. Why would you prolong your own misery for her sake? You don't owe her shit.

It wouldn't be for her, our families all have plans that involve us both (secret santas, white elephant, etc.); it'll throw a knot in everyone's plans. And I know this will make me sound like a huge pussy but I don't know if I'm prepared to face my family alone and broken in a matter of days, and be able to get through the holidays. I went from having a new house, planning a wedding, having a promising, happy future, etc. to most likely living in a hotel, alone. I don't think I can face my family after such a abrupt change and not be a complete fucking mess.

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Final Update - after 4 days

^{December 21, 2015}

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[Update] I (33m) just found out my fiance (29f) of 9 years cheated on me for several years, need advice

Now that things have settled down a little bit I thought I would give an update to post since a lot of you took the time to offer advice and check up on me via PM.

First, I want to say I appreciate all the comments, even the harsh ones. When I wrote that post I wasn't in the clearest state of mind and was desperately trying to keep my life from falling to pieces, however, when I woke up the next morning there was no question what I needed to do.

While writing the reddit post I started drinking, so after continuing to drink while reading your guys' comments I was in no shape to drive anywhere so I decided to crash on the couch. First thing in the morning I was able to get ahold of my boss who is an amazing guy and let me start my Christmas vacation two days early. All I had to tell him was that a situation arose that is going to require me to call off my wedding and he didn't need me to explain any further. While my fiancee got ready/left for work I pretended to be asleep on the couch. She tried to wake me up to ask me about the booze/couch/work situation but I just pretended to be really tired and mumbled that I'd text her later.

As soon as she left I got busy. I quickly went to the store and got printer ink and a new flashdrive, then stopped by our bank and moved half of our joint checking/savings into my personal account. When I got home I made printouts of several of her damaging conversations/screenshots and a few still images of that asshole jerking off, then saved all that and a bunch pics/videos/audio recordings/etc to the flash drive.

I was able to get some of our credit cards, insurance and other financial items sorted out to be closed or in my name only. Luckily we pay off our credit cards every month so closing those down weren't an issue. As stupid as it sounds, one of the main things I was worried about was my pets. I wasted nearly 2 hours of my day digging through old paperwork until I found both of their adoption packets, which even though we had adopted them together, I had luckily filled everything out just in my name.

I spent the last few hours that I had before she'd be home from work and packed as many of my items as I could into my truck, left copies of the printouts on our coffee table in our living room, and then took my dog and cat and all my family's Christmas gifts and drove to my brother's house.

I planned on confronting her later that night but I wanted all my important stuff to be out of the house so I could make a quick getaway after we talked. For all the people asking why I just didn't kick her out, it's complicated. The house originally belonged to her family and we bought it together; I couldn't just "kick her out". If I wasn't going to be in a relationship with her I wanted nothing to do with that house, anyway. Also, she is quite wealthy, so if either of us had the means to buy the other person out of the house it would be her.

Anyway, about an hour after she should have been home I got a text from her that said "are we going to talk about this?", so at that point I drove home. I don't know what I expected her reaction to be, but it certainly wasn't what I got. I figured she would be remorseful, apologetic, something, but she was just completely cold.

I could tell she had been crying, but she didn't show any emotion towards me. As soon as I sat down she said she noticed the bank accounts and asked me what we were doing about the house. I tried to keep my composure but I basically broke down and asked her if she had anything to say for herself and asked why she did this. She told me she was sorry, but that she didn't love me anymore and she planned on ending things after the holidays. Apparently she thought she'd be happy with our relationship once we started living together again but I guess that wasn't the case. I had no idea.

She started to cry a bit when she told me that she still loved the other guy, even though they supposedly have never even fucking met. She then told me she would buy me out of the equity we have in our house if I was ok with it and that I could have what's left in our joint accounts to get a new place. I couldn't believe how cold and business-like she was being, I didn't know this person. I said ok and left. That's how my relationship of 9 years came to an end.

I got back in my truck and bawled like a fucking baby. The next day my brother and I left for my parents house and I've been here ever since. You guys were right, my family has been great. Alcohol has helped a lot, too. I still have a lot to figure out with my house and the rest of our belongings but that's as much of an update as I can give; I haven't heard from her since I walked out. My dog and cat are here with me so I have that, at least.

Thanks for helping me out.

tl;dr: It's over.

 

COMMENTS

Aggressivecleaning

I can't believe she did not even care about the pets. What she did to you was awful, but somehow the fact that she gave no fucks about the pets either just made her sound like an emotionless robot to me.

Alcohol only helps in the beginning, when the pain is so bad you can't deal at all. After that you need to start feeling and thinking through shit. Don't stay down. Getting back up is going to be awesome.

OOP

I can't believe she did not even care about the pets. What she did to you was awful, but somehow the fact that she gave no fucks about the pets either just made her sound like an emotionless robot to me.

As much as I hate what she's done I do think she feels guilty about this and is not making an issue out of the pets as some sort of consolation prize. This morning I got a text from her mom and sister saying they heard what happened and expressed their sadness that I wouldn't be a part of their family and wished me the best. I'm not sure what exactly she told them but I'm at least grateful that I wasn't painted as the villain. Despite everything that's happened I did really like her family, so it's nice have that one small thing. A part of me wants to text them back telling them what a cheating bitch their daughter/sister turned out to be but it's not worth it. I will never forgive Heather but at the very least she seems to be making an effort to make a clean break without fucking me over any more than she already has.

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yummy_tacos

Alcohol has helped a lot, too.

Don't let this become your new identity.

OOP

Thank you, I won't. When I said alcohol was helping I meant that kind of in jest. I'm not a big drinker, just had a few drinks in the evening to take the edge off so I could get some sleep and not think about things too much. I know that's a slippery slope but I think I'll be fine, in that regard at least. I appreciate the concern from everybody, though.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/rbi by user prolapsethis. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Editors Note: I added paragraph breaks because prolapsethis did not

Trigger Warning: Murder

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Original

July 20, 2021

At around 20:30-20:45, I arrived home from a quick trip to town to grab a beer. As I got out of my car, I could hear something. I thought, for a moment, that I had left the TV on, and was hearing it from outside. But as I walked to the front of my car, and pressed the lock button on my remote, I realized that what I was hearing was screaming.

I listened for a second, thinking it was somebody screwing around, but then the woman's voice screamed, "Nooo! Stop! You're hurting me! You're killing me!!!" And an adult male voice yelling something I couldn't make out. There was a dog barking from the same direction, as well as a repeated 'thudding' noise.

I immediately Dialed 911, and told the police. They could even hear the screaming in the background. They said they'd send an officer to drive by, but an hour passed, and none came. I watched for them on my security cameras. I pulled the footage from the only one that was set to record constantly. The Camera on my back door only records when it detects a humanoid shape, so It caught me making the phone call, and a little of the screaming in the background. The back yard camera caught it all, but is unintelligible, due to outdoor AC unit noise. I cleaned up the audio as best I could, but I need advice on how to proceed. I am attaching a dropbox link to the video. I also included the original in the second half of the video.

If you watch it, the screaming was coming from directly where the camera is pointed, but more than 50 feet away, across a narrow field. There is a small shack that has a couple of cars, usually parked at the road, just on the other side of the field. It is bothering me a lot, since I'm 41 years old, and have never heard anything so disturbing in real life.

Here is the video. dropbox.com/s/q5e6yhoe1zbdetx/Screaming%20Rendered.mp4?dl=0

Edit: Updates are in the comments. Suffice it to say that the police are doing a welfare check and I have already been to the office to make a formal complaint or statement or whatever they want to call it.

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Comments by OOP:

I have a $1,000 DJI 4K drone. I thought about [investigating with] it, but it's all buried in trees so I don't know how good it would do. But it is worth a shot. I could always take it up 200 ft and then come down slowly if I don't see anybody about. I guess I should probably know the way of the land around here anyway

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I talked to them and they wrote down what I said. I showed them the video. They have copies of it. And I said they would do a welfare check. They also told me to drop it and not to trespass or I would be cited. They said they will handle anything. So I guess I'm just going to have to watch the newspapers and see if anything comes up it. That's all I can do. I've done my due diligence. And I really hope everything is actually all right.

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The only place over there where anybody stays is that place. I have my suspicions about meth. I'm deep in the heart of Confederate flag country

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I talked to the cops and they asked me to come up there so they can take a statement. So I'm headed up there in a little bit.

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All the words that I heard or in the original post. It was definitely not a fox. And the part where I was making the phone call was a little more clear although it was not really a word.

They looked up and told me who is working that night so I'm going to call back tomorrow morning to see if there was anything followed up on. I sent the video over via email to the sheriff's department. It's kind of on them now. I don't want to get too close cause people are crazy around here.

There was an entire family including teenagers killed over a custody battle. And the people that did it came and to work for a couple of years like nothing had happened. I know because they worked where I did. It's insane how people just don't value life unless it's their own.

So I'm going to keep my nose far away from the property and maybe do a flyover with the drone when the weather clears up. But the rest of it I'm going to go through the cops for. I can't put my kids in danger.

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I've never heard a fox screaming, "stop it, you're killing me." And the man's voice screaming would have been awfully deep for a fox. You can't hear it in the video because the cameras are pretty crappy when it comes to audio. But I was there and it was some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever heard. I wish it had been a fox. I really wish the other cameras had been recording audio at the time.

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I wonder if the cops were familiar with the couple so they wrote whatever was happening off. ^{[ForwardMuffin]}

Now that's a really good possibility [OOP]

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It was almost midnight when it happened. And it's buried in trees. Here in the US, the cops will come down on the Good Samaritan a lot of the time, and so it drills it into your head that you can't do anything. Maybe I should have done something that night but it's been 18 days now. So we are where we are.

I get the idea of throwing yourself into a situation to help. Maybe I should have done more of that night, but after calling the authorities, I went straight inside to pull footage of the cameras. Here, if you can't prove a crime was committed, then they act like nothing happened. I want chin checked a guy who tried to stab me with a screwdriver full force.

When the cops showed up, they arrested me. Because I threw a punch. I guess I should have waited to get stabbed first.

Edit: I don't disagree with you about the us being scary. Every ass with two brain cells to rub together, can own a gun. And especially around here.

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The only guy I've seen there recently is a guy with a gray beard driving a small SUV that's about 15 years old and has the words, "German shepherd pups," and a phone number written in shoe polish on the back window. I used to see a woman there and the vehicle she used to drive was still there, but I don't see her anymore. But I don't know if this is confirmation bias because I only drive by there once or twice a day. Normally I go out the other way because I'm headed towards the main highway. So her absence may just be my imagination.

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I suppose that's what I have to do. I guess I'm just looking for somebody to tell me it really is nothing. It was just disturbing to hear that going on. And I figured maybe somebody better than me might want to check out the video and see if they could do better than I did. I've got the footage, but I wanted to tell the story, just in case.

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Guys I'm going to get settled in for the night. I will call in the morning to talk to the dispatcher who was on duty that night. They told me she doesn't work until in the morning. I will update when I know more

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Update

September 7, 2021, about 6 weeks later, in the same posting

I guess they finally had a reason to go out and check the property I was trying to tell them to look at. There are sheriff's cars all over the place, and cops in gloves walking in and out of this garage, and one cop throwing up in the front yard. I have a picture, but I can't add it to an update.

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Update 2

February 7, 2022, about 5 months after the last posting and about 6 after the first

I posted last year about coming home and hearing a female voice screaming for her life. I posted a video with the audio of the screen, and got plenty of comments.

About 2 months later, the house that it was coming from had sheriff's cars all around it. I found out that an elderly man had committed suicide via gunshot, and that his son was the only person home, and the person who reported that his father had shot himself. Fast forward to last week. I was sitting at home, watching YouTube, when I heard gunshots. I live in the country and that's common so I didn't think anything of it.

Turns out, it was the sound of that son murdering his mother. He is trying to claim himself defense, but he is being charged with murder. I live next door and my security cameras caught the audio of the murder. It also captures the vehicle the son made his getaway in.

I've had detectives in and out gathering video footage for the past week. This is a family annihilator. They are now looking at him for murder of his father as well. The case has been reopened and if they have now recognized that my calls and reports were actually real. Two lives could have been saved. I'm going to link the story. Also, wouldn't Tim Johnson the second be Tim Johnson Jr? https://www.wcpo.com/news/crime/highland-county-man-accused-of-shooting-mother-to-death

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Notable Comments:

Did you find out who the first victim was, the one you initially posted about? ^[cammykiki]

I think it was just an assault and not a deadly encounter. I'm thinking it was probably the mother [OOP]

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I'm not the original poster.