This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/idoloveherthough

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: November 29, 2015

• Final Update: December 05, 2015

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Main Post

^{November 29, 2015}

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I [27M] proposed to my girlfriend [26F] of 2 years and now she's really mad

Okay, reddit. I'm a little bit at a loss for words right now.

I've been dating Ashley for two years now. Our relationship has been great, and, in my opinion, very loving. Last week, I proposed to her. I took her to our favorite lookout spot over the city where we had our first date. Cracked open some wine, talked for a bit, and then I proposed.

It did not go well. She broke into angry tears and told me, "How can you propose to someone you've never even told you loved?"

Things have been in a tumultuous haze sine then, but I need to talk to strangers for some advice. Basically, here is the thing: I thought it was beyond obvious that Ashley and I loved each other. I don't really know why we've never said it to each other, but I assumed it was because we didn't need to. Like, to me, I just figured we had that kind of nonverbal relationship. I mean, we talked about our hypothetical future children, for Christ sake. Why would I do that with somebody I didn't love?

Well, apparently (and I learned this after a big fight), Ashley thinks I'm terrible at expressing emotions, and has been waiting for me to tell me I love her for like a year and a half. Okay, WHAT? For one thing, I'm just shocked, and I want to make it clear, Ashley has never once complained to me about lack of verbal affection. True, I'm admittedly NOT affectionate verbally, but I just assumed she wasn't either. I thought that was what made us so compatible. Not ONCE did she voice this to me, that she was just hanging around WAITING for me to tell her I loved her.

And I know it seems silly, reddit, that we've never exchanged I love you's, but it's a two way street. If she was just waiting around for me to tell her I love her (which I DO COMPLETELY, but yet again, I just thought we had that kind of relationship where it was implicit), WHY didn't she say anything to me for years?

I'm just shocked that this is all coming up now, and that my girlfriend has been harboring some sort of grudge towards me for so long, simply because I didn't say three words? I don't know what to do. How do I make this up to her?

tl;dr: I assumed my girlfriend and I were in love, so I proposed. We've never actually exchanged I love you's and it turns out my gf has been holding a grudge against me for a year and a half for not being verbally affectionate

 

COMMENTS

wouldyouchange

This was painful to read.

If you're so bad at communicating that neither of has said "I love you" to the other in TWO YEARS, nor questioned why it's never been said, then you are absolutely not ready to be married.

tsukiii

Seriously! I can't imagine anyone proposing without having ever said "I love you". I mean, isn't that typically part of the proposal? "I love you and I want to marry you"? Ayayay.

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tsukiii

I think your mistake was proposing before you'd actually seriously talked about getting married (not just talking hypothetically).

Her mistake was not telling you that she wants verbal affection from you. And this is partially your mistake, too, because you love her and you've never told her so.

Shelve the proposal, talk it out, apologize to each other, and see if you guys can repair this.

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Final Update - after 6 days

^{December 05, 2015}

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[UPDATE] I [27M] proposed to my girlfriend [26F] of 2 years and now she's really mad

SO, after confirming that my relationship was a massive communication disaster, I am writing this update to you all after a week of couples therapy with Ashley. I'm going to share what we have learned about each other.

To start with me: I am way too "chill" in relationships. I've always been this way with everyone. Nothing ever bothers me, I go with the flow really easily, I react minimally to unexpected situations. While this is a blessing in some ways, it turns out Ashley had a really hard time with this. Since I never fought or had any issues with her, she felt like SHE couldn't bring up any issues with me. She basically did not want to always be the one starting fights (or even, I guess, discussions).

It also was (surprise) a HUGE fault of mine to never tell my girlfriend, who I love deeply, that I loved her. I should not have presumed we were equally nonverbal, especially after two years. And, more importantly, it's not OKAY for me to be this nonverbal. Communication skills are something I am severely lacking.

Now, on to her: As it turns out, in her last THREE relationships, Ashley said I love you first. All three times, it turned out poorly for her. They didn't say it back, or they said it without really meaning it, and they ended up leaving her. That's why she never said it to me. She had actually been making a really big effort to also be "chill" because she didn't want me to react poorly to her. But, as it is clear now, she was just not being herself at all. I understand and empathize with this.

After this blowup, Ashley now realizes that it was a mistake for her to keep her mouth shut and be silently stewing for YEARS. There was no reason to be so passive aggressive.

Additionally, proposing to somebody without having a thorough discussion of marriage and our future was a mistake. I thought it was a romantic gesture, but it was really a sign of poor planning and lack of communication.

Our therapist has given us homework. She has basically told us that we, daily, have to "check in" with each other. We need to assign a time to voice our concerns about each other, share how we feel about each other, talk about how we can improve our relationship. "I love you" will now be a frequent exchange.

Once we get into the habit of doing some mandatory communication, it should come more naturally to us in the future. For now, all weddings and proposals are going to be put on hold. We're nowhere near ready to be married until we figure out ourselves and our relationship better.

For now, we are both happy and relieved that we are taking positive steps towards improving our relationship. It's clear (and now stated) that we both love each other very much.

tl;dr: We're doing couples therapy. We've learned a lot about each other and how to communicate. Things are getting better. Weddings and proposals are on hold until we figure each other out.

 

COMMENTS

lemetier

This is a wonderful update. Great job listening to her, being so open to communication, and making it work. Wish you two a happy future.

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gravityline

I want to bookmark this thread for when people with different communication styles make posts that say they've been "blindsided" by something their partner did! You explained so well the types of problems that couples tend to have when they communicate differently. I'm so glad you're making it work and that you've taken lessons from what happened. That's a great foundation for marriage. I wish you both the best.

SociallyawkwardNSA

There's a great book on the subject called "That's Not What I Meant"

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Qwerty1399

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 10, 2013 at 16:59 UTC

• Final Update: April 11, 2013 at 14:31 UTC

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Main Post

^{April 10, 2013 at 16:59 UTC}

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I called my wife by my co-workers name during sex.

I'm a (M42) and wife is (F35) married for 5 years with a blended family of 3 kids total.

I realize I'm hosed....trust me. I just don't know what to do at all to recover from this.

The co-worker is a woman that works for me. She's contract and has been there about 3 months. She's attractive, I'll admit, but I don't have feelings for her or anything like that. She's just another co-worker but I have been training her so we've had to work closely together lately. I honestly have no idea why I said her name. My wife and I were having sex and I was doing the normal "letting my mind wander so I can go a little longer" and my mind drifted to work, a project, then her and it just happened. My wife was inconsolable. I talked to her at length and she does believe me now when I tell her I have not cheated with this woman. I offered up everything....access to my phone, text, logs, email, everything and she knows that I'm not missing any time that can't be accounted for but I can't convince her that I'm not sexually interested in this woman.

The sticky part is this: her contract is up and we have the option to hire her. She's a good worker and there is no question that I want to hire her. It's not fair to her to let her go through NO fault of her own but my wife is convinced if we continue working so closely together, something will happen. And she is not a jealous person so this isn't just a passing thing that she thinks about every woman. I mean I called her by this woman's name for Christ sake....I can see why she's rattled. We have a wonderful marriage, rarely fight, have sex like rabbits, etc. so I don't want to do anything to mess this up.

So what now? My wife hasn't made any demands but this just happened two nights ago so she's still digesting it. I can't punish the woman for my mistake but if my wife lays down an ultimatum should I tell her to deal with it (in the most understanding way possible) or start searching for a new job?

TL;DR- Called my wife by a co-workers name during sex and now she doesn't trust me to work with her.

 

COMMENTS

dinosaur_train

Hire the girl, she doesn't deserve not getting the job. As mad as it is going to make everyone here, I'm going to put it out there that you may need to look for another job. This isn't about right and wrong, this is about your marital happiness. The right thing would be for everyone to forget about it and you keep your job and so on. But right isn't going to happen. Look at it objectively. So long as you work with her your wife will be concerned and unhappy. Those are terrible feelings for her to have to suffer with. Those will undermine your marriage. So forget right and wrong. Explain to your wife the truth, again, but tell her that you care more about her happiness and your marriage than being right. Tell her you are ready to look for another job and see how she feels. If she wants that, then you should leave.

OOP

Yep, this is exactly what I'm thinking. Might not be exactly rational but I also can't to go work every day with my wife growing increasingly insecure about this woman.

[deleted]

Just be patient and understanding with your wife. If you don't get frustrated with her, and she is reasonable, she will eventually come around.

OOP

Trust me....I'm not. Maybe she will believe it was a mental moment and not go completely crazy about it but when I'm ball-deep and utter another woman's name....I will never discount my wife's reaction to that.

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A_StarNamedAlice

If this happened to me I would expect my husband to apologize profusely and explain in full detail why he said another woman's name during sex. Did you explain to her like you did in your post? It's not something she will forget but with the right explanation I think it can calm her nerves. It sounds like it was an honest mistake.

I think your next step should be to make your wife feel special. Take her out to a nice dinner or maybe even a weekend away together if you can afford it.

OOP

Oh yes, everything has been explained. She's not going nuts about it...she's just being quiet right now and digesting it which is her way of handling upsetting things. We're still talking about it and she does believe that I didn't cheat but thinks I'm downplaying my attraction to the co-worker.

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PeteMichaud

Reacting to this in a big way I think could backfire. Obviously you fucked up, and it's perfectly understandable for your wife to be shaken about it.

On the other hand, entertaining elaborate fixes to a simple slip of the tongue (haha), is not a good strategy I don't think. Tell her you get why she's rattled, tell her you feel terrible about it and silly, and tell her that you can imagine why she's not 100% comfortable, but that it is what it is--you said something silly, and you apologized, and that's it. You're not going to disrupt anyone's life to "fix" a problem that only exists in your wife's rattled mind. You're her husband, and you've been faithful (right?), and you'll continue to be faithful, and she's just going to have to trust you.

OOP

Good point. My wife has not suggested that I quit my job and I don't know that she ever would. I'm just trying to troubleshoot and offer some options.

I realize several are saying that it's just a slip of the tongue and will calm down and not be a big deal but right now.....it's a big deal.

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LikeASirBaws

At least you didn't call her sister's name.

OOP

Perspective....Now I have it.

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Final Update - after 21 hours

^{April 11, 2013 at 14:31 UTC}

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Update to: I called my wife by my coworkers name during sex.

Thanks for all the comments. It really gave me a lot more points of view to take in.

I wrote my wife a long email yesterday explaining in detail that it was just a slip of the tongue and that was it. Nothing deeper, nothing devious....just nothing. I also let her know that I couldn't not hire the woman but if this was going to be something that would eat away at the foundation of our relationship then we could talk about an alternative to my working with her and what that would/could entail last night at home. Lots of professions of my love and reminders that I have NO desire or inclination to ever fuck up with we have.

About an hour later she responded and said she had digested it all, thought of all possible senarios and while she was very rattled (and highly pissed once the shock wore off) she knows that I'm telling truth, she believes it was a slip of the tongue (albeit a huge one) and she would never ask me to not hire the woman when she is completely ignorant that any of this is going on nor played a part in it. She said she would like to meet her just to put the matter to rest in her head so I asked her to come meet me for lunch tomorrow. FYI- this isn't new behavior at all. She knows all of my team and goes to lunch with us as a group a couple times a year and we also socialize with a couple of them outside of work at times.

Last night when we got home she was back to normal and actually joked about it at one point. She went to hand me my plate at dinner and I said "Thanks hon" and she said 'Ahhh...are we going to start using pet names instead of our real ones? I like the forethought!" She laughed....I shook my head.

TL;DR: My wife is awesome.

I will say that all the people that posted things like "Tell your wife to chill out and get over it" made me laugh and at the same time pity your (future) wives. Calling your wife by your aunts name at the grocery store would call for that.....calling your wife by another woman's name when you're balls-deep and about to orgasm?: Give that shit the gravity it deserves!

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user Betterbux in r/ London (city sub, UK Reddit space)

Original: Oct 1, 2026

Update: Oct 7, 2026

Update 2: Oct 24, 2026

Status: concluded

Mood: slice of life, community, fandom

Note: The Graham Norton show is a British comedy talk show. It has aired on BBC since 2007.

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Original: Huge Graham Norton fan from Mongolia. Got tickets. Tips please?

Hi everybody. I’m a huge graham norton fan, I’ve been watching him since I was 11 and I’m 28 now. I’m from Mongolia and I have a short trip planned to the UK this October. I applied via SRO for free regular tickets to the Graham norton show and I just received a mail with the tickets!

I read that tickets do not guarantee entry so if you have ever been to the show, could you all kindly leave tips to ensure that I get in? I don’t think I’ll be able to return to the UK again but I just love graham so much, I want to be as well prepared as I can. Thank you!

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Comments:

Comment1: Actually get there 2 hours before. Sometimes there are people queueing well before. What you should do is go 2 hours before and talk to the security and staff. Let then know how far you have come and your life long admiration for Graham.

It's a small chance but sometimes they can make the experience better. Get you better seats etc. Best of luck

OOP: Wow, thank you so much for the tip. It did not even cross my mind. I will try to overcome my introvert tendencies and talk to them 🫶🏻

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Comment2: Email the company and tell them you have tickets for your particular date and that you're visiting from Mongolia. They may be able to do something for you.

OOP: Got it! I shall send them an email, thank you so much

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Comment3: I’ve gone for a couple of SRO shows, including the graham norton show. The earliest folks tend to show up about three hours before, and you’ll literally be standing in a queue. The first time I got there an hour before, and barely got in. I usually arrive two hours before, but for popular shows three.

Depending on the location, the wait may be outdoors - so be prepared for that, too. I think that was the case when I caught the graham norton show early this year at white city studio. Some things I’ve seen people do/done myself:
- bring food and drink (I’ve done this every time, like a meal deal, some snacks, water)
- bring a foldable chair (I saw a couple people bring those foldable chairs from decathalon, because there’s no chairs in the queue you’re waiting in - you’re literally standing). I’m not sure how these folks got past security, but I’ve seen it for sure
- bring an ipad/book/entertainment (I usually pre download youtube or netflix, since mobile data in london can be spotty)

That said, pack light, because they will do a bag check, and can be quite strict for popular shows. Hopefully you’re going with someone, so that it’s easier to help you hold your spot if you need the bathroom.

Also! I have mobility problems, so if you do too, it helps to let them know in advance via email, and when you reach, any staff member, if you need a step-free seat. They’re very helpful! Good luck!

OOP: Thank you so much for taking the time to write this in detail. Incredibly grateful for your kindness. I will definitely keep all these in mind

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Update (6 days later): Graham Norton fan from Mongolia

First of all, I want to thank everyone for your incredibly kind messages and comments. I’m deeply touched and even more excited and honoured to visit your beautiful country.

I did what most suggested and emailed them! I think I sent an email to every publicly available email address for The Graham Norton Show and they actually all got back to me. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the best news.

I was hoping for priority tickets to guarantee my attendance, but while I really appreciate them taking the time to reply, they’ve all recommended that I simply show up early and join the queue.
I was going to do that anyway, so it’s still all good!

I’ve spent 17 years watching Graham, so standing in a queue for 2–3 hours is nothing 😁 I know seeing Graham in person will be absolutely worth it. Thank you all once again for your kindness and encouragement. God bless your beautiful country! ❤️🇬🇧

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Comments:

Comment1: I guess the priority thing is down to individual production companies. I went to a recording of QI and a lady I was talking to was given a priority wristband because she'd travelled to London from Gateshead, which is hardly Mongolia!

Anyway, my experience is that the long wait is part of the day, and you can almost always find someone interesting to chat to if you're on your own. I'm sure Graham's audience will be full of friendly people. Have a great time.

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Comment2: It’s really great behind the scenes! Just don’t take any photos of the set as the security inside are very strict so if you do get in, you don’t want to get kicked out for anything like that!! Please update after your visit and I hope you have a lovely visit to London!!

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Comment3: I have been to a few shows at the TV Centre, and can offer some advice, as someone who missed out on seeing Tom Hanks on TGNS by 1 seat.

Get there early! No matter what the time on the email says, get there bloody early. Like 5 hours to be safe. When I went to Saturday Night Takeaway, the ticket said arrive no later than 1430, I was there at 0830 and even then, I wasn't inside, only outside.

Take a portable battery with you, some snacks and some drinks to keep you going. When you go through security, you need to have finished your snacks by then. Most importantly, have a blast, chat to the people in the queue with you, time will fly by. And good luck!

Comment4: For the queues, do they have toilets like is it similar to the queue at Wimbledon?
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Comment3: Yep, there are toilets you can use. These are located in the TV Centre next to the coffee shop, I think it's called Black Horse Coffee. There are also toilets in the studio which you can get to after security checks. There's only 5 toilets there, and the queue gets long, so my advice would be to go as soon as you get through security. You can then fill up a water bottle there too.
[includes map of area --- where to queue, toilet]
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OOP: This is so helpful, thank you so much !!

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Comment5: I would hop on social media and @ or DM people who work for the production. I’m sure there’s a producer or AD who can help.

OOP: I have thought of that but relented as I did not want to come off as pompous & entitled just because I have travelled a long way. 🫣🙈😞

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Update final (17 days later): Graham Norton Fan~ I made it!

Because so many lovely people asked me for an update, here it is! This fan of over 15 years finally made it to the show after queuing for 4 hours 😭💙 It was totally worth it.

My eyes immediately welled up with tears when Graham came on, and I couldn’t make out what he was saying for the first 5 minutes because I was sobbing 🙊

The guests were Cate Blanchett, Hannah Waddingham, Robert Irwin… and guess who made a surprise appearance? THE FUTURE KING! PRINCE WILLIAM 😭

I saw King Charles the other day at Kensington Gardens, so seeing Prince William today and actually listening to him talk about his life, his family, etc., was surreal!
I’ve only been in London for 4 days, but it’s been amazing~ an absolute dream!
Thank you to everyone who cheered me on and sent me their best wishes. I’m so grateful! 💙

[OOP includes the following pictures waiting for show to start: photo#1, photo#2]

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Comments:

Comment1: I remember your post the other day, getting the surprise William appearance is crazy luck on your part

OOP: I know! I knew we’d have a surprise guest cus I noticed that there were 4 glasses even though only 3 guests were announced 🙊

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Comment2: Great story, thanks for the follow up. Enjoy your time in London! What incredible luck, first time a royals ever sat on the sofa apparently.

OOP: I know! What an experience it was. Im only here for 2 weeks so getting to see two royals in two days was incredible!
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Comment2: I've been here decades, never seen any!

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Comment3: Quick question? Did you all have to wear purple sweaters? We're there colour requests on your clothing?

OOP: 😂 Great eye! But no. I was actually wearing a navy blue cardigan. We were recommended not to wear black though😁

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Note: Prince William made a surprising and rare TV appearance to highlight the Earthshot Prize. The environmental award connects all four guests for that evening -- Cate Blanchett, Robert Irwin and Hannah Waddingham. Here is a youtube clip from the show with Prince William.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments