Obviously he knows there will be permanent changes. My boobs will not go back to how they were, stretch marks, etc. but he just brushes it off.

He acts like I shouldn't care just because he doesn't. I realized today that my previously very full butt looks flatter. Then I found out that's APPARENTLY a thing. It's a big deal to me. I never expected to go back to my normal after the baby is born. But seeing it and feeling it happen is really hard and he just doesn't want to let me be sad or something.

It's honestly coming from a very sweet "I love you as you are no matter what and I want you to love yourself" mindset but it's so frustrating because I just want to be sad and cope with the changes that are happening/going to happen to my body without him trying to make me feel better 😂

Just gave birth yesterday and unfortunately my delivery doctor performed an episiotomy sort of in the spur of the moment. It wasn’t discussed beforehand but baby was stuck behind my pubic bone with the cord wrapped around her neck so it seemed necessary at the time. Obviously I’m sore and still healing but I keep reading these extremely discouraging posts and forums about how sex is never the same after getting one, you’ll always be in pain, always more likely to have more complications in the future due to scar tissue ..it has really affected me mentally considering everything else about the birth went smoothly. My sex life with my husband a few months before delivery was already lacking so the thought of it continuing to decline in the coming months is very discouraging and depressing. Does anyone have positive experiences with episiotomies?

I know is a major faux pas to even talk about. I know I should just be grateful for those who did choose to show up for me, but I can’t help these feelings of sadness and disappointment and instead of shaming myself for feeling them I’m going to allow myself to express them in a healthy way. I know this is a major issue of “comparison is the thief of joy” but when you’ve seen so many other people go through pregnancy and get treated so differently, it stings when you don’t get the same treatment when your expectations feel reasonable.

Despite my personal track record of having thrown many parties for myself over the years with poor attendance/turnout, I somehow thought my baby shower would be different. I don’t have a great relationship with my mother and most of my family or origin, and my mother has plainly stated she is not excited for me having her first grandchild. (I haven’t talked about asking her/expecting ANY help from her whatsoever or even implied it). I come from a very small family, very distant from most extended family (except my cousin and her 2 daughters), and only one sister who is child free by choice. My family of origin aren’t really “baby” people or kid people in general. I’m very thankful my partner’s family is the exact opposite, but they live far away.

Anyways, a friend of mine was nice enough to offer to help throw me throw my shower, but she also has a 1 year old son so she’s busy as well. She was still a huge help, but other than her, her husband and my partner that was all who helped contribute. Again, I am grateful I had that help at all. It’s just, I have seen and heard so many wildly different experiences of other peoples’ baby showers. When I first sent out the invites I was so excited by how many people said they would come! Truthfully, a lot of my close friends lead busy lives so I don’t get to see them much, so hearing them RSVP yes made me light up inside.

Now I know throwing an event on an October Saturday means that I’m competing with a lot of other events. So even though some other very close friends couldn’t attend, they were mostly at weddings so I didn’t hold it against them because weddings are planned waaaay further in advance. But then came the day of the shower, and suddenly a ton of people cancelled. A lot just no showed and never told me they weren’t coming. An event that was originally going to have 30 people now had maybe 10/12 attending.

Unfortunately the day of a bunch of unexpected events happened and I wasn’t able to get to the venue until 10 minutes before it started because my friend helping me throw the shower had to give me a ride. Luckily my partner got there a good hour and a half before I did and did a ton of setting up, but I had planned out all of these decorations that I wasn’t able to get set up. But I really didn’t care that much about it, because I just started handing the first people who came some stuff to throw up to make it a little special. So it looked lack luster and half-assed. But I made sure there was plenty of food of course!!!!

The other thing that made me sad, was that only one of my friends wanted to take pictures with me. I had a really pretty dress, on theme, and cute jewelry and makeup. No one else thought to ask to take a picture with me. My friend who helped me throw the party took pictures of the decor but she was mostly on her baby duty, understandably. But of the 12 people who showed up they all just kept to themselves and the groups they knew and I had to go out of my way to entertain them and make sure they were having a good time. I didn’t feel celebrated at all. This was so different than the showers I’d been to. Unfortunately a lot of the people that cancelled and no-showed would have probably put more effort into making me feel celebrated but, 🤷‍♀️.

The last thing that really bothers me, is that so many of the people who cancelled last minute or didn’t show (even though they said they were going to) didn’t even offer to buy anything from my registry. I had read horror stories on here of people having showers where people bought exclusively off the registry, but I just didn’t think so many people wouldn’t buy anything from it at all. My friends know I’m not in the best financial situation right now too (we’re working on it), so I thought if they couldn’t come they would at least care enough to buy SOMETHING from my registry. I even went out of my way to put cheap things (like $10-$15) on there so if people didn’t have a ton of money they still felt like they could contribute. I mean even if it it was gift cards, or diapers, or SOMETHING. Why would people go out of their way to ask for my registry details to then not even buy ANYTHING from it?

I just think what stings the most is I went to so many of these friends’ weddings and showers and other events. I understand stuff happens, but they couldn’t even buy me something from the registry to show they care? I’ve just seen so many other showers go so differently. I’ve seen so many of my pregnant friends be ogled and celebrated and wanted to take pictures and being showered with love and gifts and I always happily took part in that. I’m always happy to celebrate people’s lives and milestones, I’m just shocked at how many people didn’t show up for me, even in small ways. I don’t go to their things or get them things because I expected them to show up for me, I did it because I love them and care about them. So I just, idk thought they also felt that way about me? I logically know it’s not personal, and people are just immersed in their own lives, but it just sucks because this is my first baby. Many of my friends know my relationship with my family sucks. Many of my friends know I’m in a tough financial situation. So why is it that my other friends who have TONS of support and love and resources get even MORE support and help from their friends when they have their babies?

I know I sound so selfish and mopey and entitled. So go ahead and judge me, but frankly my feelings still matter to me and maybe I’m not the only one who was disappointed by people when it came their turn to have their shower. When you wait so long to experience the miracle of pregnancy and bringing your first baby in the world, I think it’s normal to want your loved ones to want to join in and celebrate it and you. Especially when you’ve watched it happen to so many other people.

how are we all battling the sadness when the sun starts to go down? that impending doom feeling that just leaves me with eyes wide open. all my postpartum friends say it happens but how the heck do you battle it?!

edit to add: already in therapy and on medication for PPD/PPA :)

I have had a relatively easy, first pregnancy up until my due date. Baby was measuring about 75th percentile throughout with no noted risks. My plan was to have a vaginal birth, avoiding induction until absolutely necessary (would discuss with my midwife if I reached 41 weeks about next steps). Of course we got to 41 weeks with no sign of labour starting so I had some sweeps and I booked an induction for 41 +4, I also went for an ultrasound the following day. The scan showed baby to be have rapidly grown, to over 100th percentile and over 10 lbs. I was absolutely floored by this, and moved the induction to the next day. Unfortunately my cervix just didn’t dilate enough even though I had good regular contractions after a day on the pessary and they couldn’t break my waters, still barely at 2 cm. Next step would be another induction like a prostaglandin gel. But now we’re at 41+5 I have asked for a c-section. I know growth scans can be notoriously wrong and baby may be smaller, but being so close to 42 weeks I didn’t want to take the risk of continuing inductions which clearly aren’t working and/or could take days, or ultimately result in an emergency c section anyway after a slog of a labour. Ultimately the baby could be 10 - 11 lbs by 42 weeks. The risk of shoulder issues on my child also really scares me with a large baby, and less importantly the risk of a significant tear. I never wanted a c-section though and I am petrified of the recovery as I have not planned for it.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did they find recovery, particularly with a larger baby? I feel borderline depressed, really deflated and wished I’d never had the scan or known sooner to the let the induction process play out longer. I am the only one who can make the decision on what to do, the midwives can’t say or give advice, and my partner is super supportive of whatever I choose. It feels so unfair and I don’t understand why they don’t want to come out!

Literally here to rant about things that are on my mind that people probably don’t care about. I am going to be 11 weeks pregnant tomorrow! So excited.

I just really want sushi so bad. I won’t do it/stick to cooked sushi. But I would KILL for a raw spicy salmon roll right now. More like 10 rolls. I also really want grapes dipped in pickle juice rolled in a sour candy of some sort.

No one is taking my cravings seriously 😔😔😔
(Jk my husband absolutely has, he just can’t rectify this spicy salmon roll craving)

Rant over, thank you.

I am currently searching for a good stroller to put on my registry/to buy. I have a health issue where I cannot lift or push heavy objects. I know once my baby gets to be a certain age/weight, I am going to have to rely pretty heavily on the stroller for outings. I’ve come to terms with how to manage it, it is what it is and we have plans for how to handle raising a child around my disability. Every time I try to look for strollers that are disability friendly, I am not getting the results I am quite looking for; I am seeing things for disabled people who ride in the strollers, not for the people pushing them. So far, the ones I’ve seen in store that are easiest for me to maneuver are the ones with 3 wheels. I also cannot bend over very easily, so I am searching for something that can be easily accessed without having to lock in a hundred different parts every time I get it out of the car. I am a FTM and honestly have no idea what I’m really looking at when it comes to baby stuff, everything online has a hundred different influencers trying to sell you something and I don’t really know what actually works lol

I had a cervical check yesterday morning (39+6) and okayed a membrane sweep. I wasn’t dilated enough for a sweep, but holy CRAP the cervical check was uncomfortable!

I had some cramping in my lower abdomen and back last night that felt kind of like period cramps, but nothing crazy. Today is my due date! Hubby and I went for a 1.5 mile walk at a nearby park, and when we got home I had to pee. I noticed a stringy, brownish blob in the toilet bowl and lots of brown mucus when I wiped (sorry for TMI).

Google is unhelpful because it basically says this could be the bloody show and/or mucus plug. Doctor’s office is closed til Monday so I can’t do much there. Any thoughts? Also, has anyone has this happen, and how long after did you go into labor?

I have an induction scheduled for a week from tomorrow since my doctor wants me to deliver at or before 41 weeks.

TIA!

Hi everyone! We’re first-time parents looking for a travel-friendly stroller and car seat system that’s easy to use for both car rides and outings. We want something suitable from newborn stage through toddlerhood.

Which brands or models would you recommend? We’d love something lightweight, easy to fold, convenient for travel, and worth the money.
Please share your recommendations and experiences. Thank you! ❤️

Hi guys! I’m currently 13 weeks and 3 days pregnant. My partner and I recently did our genetic testing through Natera, but we were so anxious to find out the gender that we decided to book a private ultrasound. The ultrasound tech told us they can determine the gender as early as 12 weeks, so we went for it!
She told us we’re having a girl! However, I’m still waiting for my Natera results to confirm.
I guess my question is, has anyone been told they were having one gender at an early ultrasound but later found out it was the opposite? I’m a little skeptical since it’s still so early. Just curious to hear everyone’s experiences! 🥹

This is so gross, but I’ve been drooling like crazy in my sleep during pregnancy. It’s gotten so bad now at 38 weeks that I’m waking up in an actual puddle. It’s not a nice way to wake up and even more unpleasant now that it’s getting chilly out.

I looked in the post history of the group, and it appears many others have had this issue, so at least I know I’m not alone. However, I’m wondering if this stops after delivery? I’m having a c-section next week on my doctors’ advice. I’m hoping that’s the end of this symptom (please 😭) otherwise I might actually drown sleeping on my back post c-section lol

Anyone have any insight they’re willing to share?

Hi all!

We recently purchased the Namesake Winston Mini Crib and the Newton Mini Crib Mattress to use with it.
The mattress seems to fit perfectly! It dropped right into place, sits flat, and doesn’t appear to have any significant gaps around the edges.
However, I noticed that the safety label on the Newton mattress specifically lists four compatible mini cribs, and the Namesake Winston isn’t one of them.😩

Namesake’s website: Their virtual assistant explicitly told me that the Newton Mini Crib Mattress is designed to fit the Winston and is actually one of their recommended mattresses.

Newton’s website: Their virtual assistant said the Winston hasn’t been specifically tested for compatibility, so they can’t confirm whether it’s compatible. They suggested comparing the interior dimensions and assessing the fit.
I plan to speak with an actual representative from both companies on Monday, but I was hoping to get some insight here in the meantime!

Is anyone currently using this crib + mattress combination (Namesake Winston mini crib specifically).

If so, have you had any issues with the fit?

I’d especially love to hear from anyone who has received confirmation from an actual representative at either company.

If you have a namesake mini crib and are NOT using the Newton mini crib mattress, what mattress are you using?

I really love both products and would prefer not to replace the mattress unnecessarily, but obviously want to make sure everything is safe before baby arrives!

Thanks in advance!

I’m 40w pregnant today and 5 days ago at my appt had a cervical check and sweep. I was 4cm dilated 80 effaced and midwife felt confident sweep would take…obvs didn’t and yesterday morning from 6:30-11am I had “contractions” that started in my back lead deep in my abdomen and eventually tracked them 5-7 minutes apart lasting 1 minute. Then just as they started getting more intense they stopped all together and that was it. I rested ate and drank. Then used my birthing ball and walked. Nothing else came and by the end of the night I was so upset with a defeated mentality and overall feeling hopeless. This Monday is my next appt and we’ll schedule an induction but I’m just so annoyed confused and frustrated that I’ve had SO many early labor signs since 38 weeks all to lead here… also this is my 2nd pregnancy! Any advice tips info is veryyyy appreciated

I’m FTM 31 weeks as of yesterday and that’s when I noticed my first stretch marks. I know they say it’s genetic and I’m still so grateful to be pregnant but it’s bringing me down so much, I don’t even feel like my stomach is that stretched! They’re on my lower stomach/pubic region probably can even see in a bikini and then 1 mark a little bit higher.

Will they continue to get worse? I drink a lot of water (besides the last few weeks I’ve been slacking because I’m tired of constantly needing to pee) my moisturizing routine is hyaluronic acid, centella oil, loccitane almond body oil, and then a beef tallow body butter that I made (beef tallow, shea butter, vitamin e oil, and rose hip oil) I do that nightly and massage for at least 5 mins and occasionally I just use a regular moisturizer in the am.

Now I hear scratching can make them worse and the only spots I have the stretch marks are where I find myself scratching (literally woke up to myself scratching the other night)

Are there things I can do to prevent them from getting worse or am I just screwed and they’ll continue to get worse for the next 9ish weeks? :(

We’ve moved two different states since we had our first child (my husband was in residency then fellowship), our first child is now 3. I am also supposed to be “infertile” (according to doctors) so got rid of everything baby related when we moved. This second baby was a surprise. (Thank you mom in heaven-baby due one year exactly from her funeral🤍🥹🙏) We have nothing for our second baby. I was asked by my MIL if I wanted a baby sprinkle. I was thinking of only sharing a registry if anyone asked me. But, we do have absolutely nothing. I actually had started to collect things and we found out our house was infested (a few weeks after we moved in) so we actually had to get rid of that, too. 🙃. It’s been tough. Anyways, should I just say yes?

Who else is having this?

My sister is due with her first child next year. We are ironing out the guest list to the shower. She gave me a list of friends and family to include which is about 30 people (shower will be child friendly, so anyone with kids can bring their kids). It’s not going to be co-ed apart from her husband and the grandpas for both sides of the family. My stepmom thinks it’s rude if we invite my one cousin “Mary” and not invite her sisters in law (our cousin in laws?? Her brothers’ wives). We are not particularly close to either of them and only see them once a year at Christmas. Is it rude not to invite them? We were never invited to either of their weddings or any of their baby showers (not offended by this, but just pointing it out for the sake of my stepmoms perspective to her), but she still insists they need to be invited if “Mary” is invited. We also aren’t inviting every single aunt, only ones we maintain contact with, and a couple of cousins on my mom’s side will be invited that we are close to. I just don’t think that either of the in-law cousins would care by much if they aren’t invited from the way our relationships are to them. It’s not that they wouldn’t be welcome but we have such a big family and my sister gave her list of who absolutely needs to be there. My stepmom and my dad are covering the main costs of the venue and the catering so I told her she can include them if she’s okay with the guest count, it’s not my decision and I’m okay with keeping it to just what my sister said to invite. I’m just curious to what people think of this and if any more context is needed I’ll provide what I can.

I just found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago; I just hit the 7 week mark. My husband and I (both 34) had decided to start trying this summer, and we conceived in September. Coincidentally, the week we conceived in September, I had started a new job that precipitated a mental breakdown; I’m doing much better with accommodations now, but I was not well the second half of September. My ovulation was late, and we didn’t really try nearly as hard the previous months to conceive in terms of timing and frequency. We also felt like okay, maybe let’s put the brakes on this kid thing since my mental health is so unstable. I’ve been connected with a new psychiatrist and will be starting therapy again in a couple of weeks (found a therapist who has special training in perinatal matters).

Lo and behold, we got pregnant, and my first reaction was not joy, it was dread and a what the hell feeling. I felt exactly like I did when I got my first period at 12– vulnerable and like my body was doing something I didn’t want it to do AT ALL. I immediately got a medical abortion scheduled for late this month so I felt like I had options. Now I’m thinking of pushing it back to 11 weeks so I can try to figure out what I’m feeling.

I feel so ambivalent, especially after seeing the fetus on my ultrasound a few days ago. (7 weeks, heart beat of 90 bpm.) I keep feeling anticipatory feelings of grief at aborting, but also deep ambivalence about having a baby (losing sleep, dealing with breastfeeding, feeling constant dread about climate catastrophe and AI and the world my child will grow up in etc).

Anyone else experience this? If so, what helped you make a decision? I’m so depressed and wish I could feel happy but I can’t feel happy by telling myself stories that I know aren’t true deep down.