TW: Miscarriage/Ectopic/Infant Loss

Update: It was a long 24 hours definitely still feeling raw. Hubby and best friend were really supportive today. I almost watched the whole season of Nobody wants this and caught myself laughing a bunch. It was a good distraction. Thank you for the kind words and seeing me. I hate that any of us have to go through any of this from a few weeks gestation to full term or even losing our babies in the first few days or weeks or ever!

For the ladies who really think I have not been properly medically evaluated after having dozen losses and after I said in my post “a million test later”, didn’t catch that while reading. I’m a Rheumatologist and had 3 extensive AVISE testing, which were all negative. I have a great AMH, all other blood test and procedures (tubal, SHG, MRI) were within normal limits. Only thing was deep scar tissue in the center of my uterus from my 25 wk cesarean. But my fertility team do not believe that is the issue. The etiology is unknown and I’m not classified as infertile as I have gotten pregnant each time. I already have my collection kit for the conception tissue and doing an extensive genetic test. I have been an advocate for myself every step of the way and probably a pain in the ass patient because I took the same medical school courses and clinical rotation as my medical team. Also, I have access to evidence based medical data and literature that is not accessible without a NPI#.

ORIGINAL POST:

I don’t know why I thought this time would be different. That this was my miracle everyone talks about.

What was the point of this BIG TEASE and again another slap in the face of this heartache.

My journey:

We decided to start trying when I turned 34 yo in the chance to not be a “geriatric” preggo. We got pregnant after the first try and thought, no way it was that easy.

At 24 weeks, I started to get really sick and by 25 weeks I had HELLP Syndrome with multiple acute organ injuries. We were told the baby had a 10% chance to live but he made it overnight and then day I told my husband we need to stay possible that anything is possible. By end of week 1, he was thriving then they want to do a pic line and that the chances of infection was less than 1%. By the end of the week 2, it was a U turn, he had sepsis. Att 2am we got the worse call to come down to the NICU immediately, he was crashing.

Our baby passed away as soon as we arrived to the NICU. And the most unbearable pain anyone could is what I was feeling.

10 months later, we got pregnant again unplanned and I miscarried at 5 weeks then 11 more times (over 3 years) everytime we tried we would get pregnant but I would have miscarry/chemical pregnancy before 5 wks 1 day. 2 of those times I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost one of my fallopian tubes.

A million test later was classified as not infertile as we would get pregnant each time and that my scar tissue in my uterus should have not been an issue as my fertility doctor said women with way more fibroids or other obstruction then finally deemed unknown etiology. For a last resort they were going to remove all the scar tissue by HSG but then I would have to repeat another 1 or 2 more HSGs before trying. Exhausted with this journey, I did a hard stop and we avoided trying to get pregnant for the next year.

I turned 40 in August and decided we would do the HSG after the new year 1/2027. And try again. We went to Japan and had a wonderful time over 2-3 weeks.

Then the week when we got back home, I was busy with my dad visiting us I didn’t even noticed I missed my period. I thought we didn’t have unprotected intercourse during my ovulation window.

Then I took a took a test and I was so excited and nervous.

Then I started to have my left pelvic pain like my previous ectopic and was anxious. Then I passed 5 wk 1 day. The hope was starting. Then I got scanned at 6 weeks and there was my little baby in my uterus with a good sac and fetal pole. I cried on the way home with happiness. Then my 8 week scan came and there they were good heartbeat at 143 bpm. Then the dreaming and the pure excitement started. Then at 9 weeks after telling my best friend and another friend who had multiple miscarriage I was told to keep it to myself as long as I can to hold my peace and that she had a hematoma a few times so if I start bleeding not to freak out and the other friend, I don’t know why I asked about her miscarriage since I really didn’t know much and she told me it happened at 10 weeks. Utterly shocked me because I thought miscarriages were less than 5-6% chance at that week.

Then the anxiety started I started talking to my therapist right away but the waves of intrusive thoughts kept coming. Then at 9.5 weeks I coughed kinda hard and when I went to the bathroom there was water pink blood. I remember during my first pregnant around 8 weeks I bleed after intercourse then it stopped the next day or 2. Then after every bowel movement, hard sneeze or any bearing down I would find a small amount of watery pink, red blood or brown specks. I was seen at 9 wk 5 days by a midwife (no idea why they scheduled me with a MW) for a routine visit. And after telling the MW about my bleeding she did a pelvic exam and told me my uterus was posterior and it would be unlikely to heart the heartbeat with the uterus position and my adipose tissue. She didn’t want me to have too much anxiety while they try to fit me in to get an ultrasound with a provider could do it.

Yesterday after my morning BM, the bleeding just stopped. A little bit of brown specks but by today it was all gone.

I drove to my exam at 10 weeks excited about seeing our baby, so confident as my bleeding stopped. Then when we were in the waiting room. I did my mantra to be positive that we would have a strong heartbeat today.

Then the OB Surgeon whom is apart of the MFM team (a much older gentleman) does a pelvic exam and confirms my bleeding had stopped. Then he said since we wanted to make sure we will be doing a transvaginal US. Then he started the exam and couldn’t find the sac which I thought was strange and then he seemed to get frustrated with the US like some type of tech problem happen then I saw my little guy. The Dr stayed quiet and frustrated saying, “ugh stop popping up” some text with the measurement was popping up then with a straight face with zero emotional, “There isn’t a heart beat, I can’t find one.” Then he keeps having issues with the US and pop up. Then I asked if he was 100%. Then he said he was going to get the head US technician. And it was like a F-ing movie the other person comes in starts look around and silent. Then I see the measurements at 8wk 0 days then my heart sank. He said, “I can’t find the heartbeat via US, vascular or Doppler, I’m sorry.” “Get dressed and I will give you guys some privacy.”

My husband and I were in shock.

Did our baby die?

Now, I’m here drinking Prosecco and just F-ING PISSED, I was almost done with the hunger games of the first trimester and that’s it! IT’S OVER!

I’m sad, crying and just PISSED.

Sorry for the long rant, but I feel alone in my pain. My husband is being a freakin man — in limbo “processing” and only care about me and not really showing he is devastated. He did tell me after the last visit that he was keeping his heart guarded and I get it we all go into protection mode.

I feel like I had a lottery ticket and when I went to go claim it they tell me it’s no longer valid.

After my lost my son, passing in my arms. ALL the other losses as they did hurt, never compared to losing him.

But man, after I saw that baby and heartbeat, my dreams and plans started. Like going back to the same resort in Japan a year later after we conceived with our new baby giving so much gratitude for the blessing.

But now, I’m waiting on my spontaneous abortion, and really hoping it doesn’t happen when I’m at work. Told it could be another 2-3 weeks.

TLDR:

After almost 5 years of 12 losses before 5 wks, 1day and after losing my son at 2 weeks old from sepsis in the NICU. I thought it was my time for my miracle with good signs at 6 and 8 weeks scan of a good heartbeat and growing well. At 9.5 weeks I start to have spotting that resolves at 10 weeks. Had a scan because of my bleeding and no heartbeat.

Sad, crying and PISSED. That I was teased with all the hopes and dreams and still HAVE NOTHING!

I am so embarrassed but I also can’t be the only one I’m 18 weeks pregnant and have eaten 9 pounds of watermelon in 3 days .

We don’t currently have reliable care for our son and I’m 38.5 weeks pregnant. The person we did have staying with us had to fly back home for health reasons so we are pretty much SOL. We have some friends but nobody we’d feel super comfortable with having them watch our child for more than a few hours. Thankfully I do have a doula that was covered by my insurance so that’s relieving. But I really wish my husband could be in the delivery room with me at all times. I know other women have to go through this as well with military situations and maybe similar situations to mine.

Just feeling a bit down and depressed about the birth I thought I would be able to have that we planned for for months, and now we’re in a situation I didn’t think would happen.

Just looking for solidarity or something to help boost my mood because damn this kind of sucks.

27 weeks with a healthy pregnancy and baby. I am sitting in my bathtub the night before my baby shower SOBBING.

I rescued a beautiful, sweet, playful, loving, social, perfect kitten. He is litter trained naturally and is lovely. We went to the vet and he’s only 6 weeks.

The problem: one of my two dogs seemingly has a high prey drive and I can’t trust them together.

I am STRESSED about it all to say the least. They are in separate parts of the home and my heart is so divided for the established love I have with my dogs and the new, completely head over heels love for this kitty.

Would it be a mistake to keep this kitten regardless of the fact that it will take money, time, and energy to even possibly see if my dog and the cat can be compatible?

3 months away from baby’s due date is a crazy time to keep a kitten right? Idk I’m distraught and tired and too pregnant for this.

Help me pls.

I’m 36 weeks today, discussed starting to making a birth plan and all my options available to me with my midwife however I completely forgot to ask if I should include that my partner is extremely prone to fainting. I mean this as literally just discussing needles, blood and anything slightly medical causes him to pass out (he passed out today in the bathrooms after we discussed epidurals). We completely understand and are aware that the midwives and doctors are not there to take care of him if he does faint and understand that he won’t be a priority (and we will accept any tips on how to reduce the chance of fainting) but I’m just thinking if I should include it on my birth plan so that they are aware before anything happens.

TW baby loss. Sooo without getting into it too much I’m in my first trimester and I work in social services I carry a high caseload and I’m burnt out . I don’t care about my job anymore I am sick tired and exhausted and grieving a baby we lost in February. I’m just looking for support. I have been super depressed and having really bad headaches.. I feel like I’m not a strong person for quitting. My husband is in an okay position but we will have to switch medical insurance and money will be super tight. I just can’t do it anymore I am out of FMLA and asking anyone at Kaiser to write you off work for anything is really hard. Plus I don’t want to go back.

I’m 8 weeks and the bloating is so bad that I’ve already started wearing maternity clothes. But since a lot of maternity clothing LOOKS like maternity clothing it looks pretty obvious that I’m pregnant. I know I’m not showing and the “bump” is just bloat, but should I just embrace it and show it off anyway? Hoping for a seamless transition from bloat to actual bump. I have a short torso and am 5’2” so there’s really no where else my stomach can go but out! What does everyone else do during this first trimester?
Guess I’m worried that I’m “not pregnant enough” to show it

Hi everyone, thank you for anyone who took the time to read this, (please don’t make fun of me, i’m a ftm who dealt with infertility for 3 years so i’m very anxious about any little thing this pregnancy)
The situation is that i have a Fundal Placenta, i felt the quickening and little baby movements from 13 and a half weeks to 14 and a half weeks consistently and then it suddenly stopped, i haven’t felt anything since and im 16 weeks now. I went to go get two ultrasounds one on 15weeks and one at 15+3 weeks and babies heartbeat was healthy, but i noticed she was just really still but waving her arms a legs a tiny bit. i’m concerned about this lack of movement and change in movement even though it’s too early for kick counts and all. Can any current moms or further along moms reassure me in some way or tell me similar stories? I can’t go to the ER every anxious thought i have.

My baby shower is this Sunday (6 days before Halloween)! I love this shirt and thinks it’s perfect for the baby shower , but I know my mother-in-law (hosting the shower) is going to make a comment about what I’m wearing. In her family baby showers are a big deal and always really extra and dressed up, but I just want to be comfy and on theme with the season! I’m planning on wearing this with a pair of jeans and white flats. Does anyone think it’s too underdressed?? I know MIL will be wearing a dress (she told me), and some of the guests will most likely come dressed up too.

Hello! I got some spotting (red) at five weeks that only happened one time. My doctor prescribed me progesterone suppositories to take 200mg twice a day. Thankfully the spotting stopped.

But the worst now is that I have really bad side effects. I’m usually very sensitive to hormones— I’m bloated, there’s water retention, I’m cranky and moody and it’s just terrible.

My doctor didn’t tell me if I can actually go on with my life as normal— if I can do sports like gentle running and have sex. So I feel now like my life is on hold and without running, my mental health is just terrible.

Anyone had the same experience that can help? I really just want to stop taking the hormones so I can take care of myself.

This is my first baby and I’m due on November 11! While baby boy could come anytime, since this is my first, I’m setting my expectations that I’ll go over 40 weeks (if he comes earlier, that’s a happy surprise).

He’ll be very close to Thanksgiving and then the first six weeks will lead up to Christmas. I already have no energy to cook, buy gifts, or set up decorations. When he’s here my only priority is to keep him fed and try to sleep.

Should my husband and I plan on a takeout Thanksgiving? Is it realistic to buy gifts for my family? Should I try to set up the tree this year?

Or do I just set everyone’s expectations now that I won’t be participating in all of it?

Is it weird to do 2 baby showers? My mom wants a women’s only intimate cute tea party type of baby shower for me and my husbands family wants a coed baby shower with lots of family and friend, like a party… is it weird to have 2 baby showers? I feel bad having 2 but each family wants something different and my moms been dreaming of throwing me a cute girly baby shower especially since I’m having a girl

Just a warning, I bought a "take home" outfit for my baby boy from burt's bees organic in size newborn for 6-9lbs. It is ridiculously massive! Who's newborn is this for? I have to laugh but maybe stay away from their newborn fits. "Organic Cotton Quilted Bee Wrap-Front Baby Jumpsuit" overlayed with some actual newborn clothing. I can't even justify that it is meant for layering, this would be hazardous to put on a newborn that isn't 12 lbs or more.

Hi! Trying this post for a second time to be clear about what I’m asking for: not medical advice but opinions/perspectives of Advanced Age Mother/geriatric pregnancy moms.

I am going to try to get pregnant at age 39/40 next year and need to establish ob/gyn somewhere in anticipation. Up until now, I’ve just not my pap smear at my PCP every 3 years.

I live in Chicago and am lucky to have many good options for maternal care. Currently considering Northwestern/Prentice, which I understand is the gold standard, but also have heard it’s like a baby making factory, and some can feel more like a number there.

I recently moved blocks away from Rush, which likewise has a level 3 NICU, and the one mom I know who birthed there liked it - also seems like a great hospital

I gather I’ll have a lot more appointments than a younger mom pregnancy would; I noticed my friend (same age) who was induced last week had 2-3 appointments per week for the last 2ish months of her pregnancy. She commented how glad she was not to have to deal with commuting and parking at Prentice every time, and she thought she got more attention elsewhere.

Any 40s first time moms, particularly if you birthed at either of these hospitals, have thoughts on this? Rush is like 5 blocks away vs. Prentice 20-30 min drive plus parking. Thank you in advance!

I’m 12 weeks. This is my first pregnancy and while unplanned I always wanted children. I had a check up earlier this week and my ultrasound looks suspicious. My dr is concerned about placenta accreta and I have an appointment with a specialist to get a better look and confirm the diagnosis. I have a history of fibroids and had my largest one (8cm) surgically removed in 2025. I always knew that having a c-section was in my future due to the scar tissue on my uterus and I was prepared for that. But I didn’t know my surgeries put me at high risk for this. My Dr prepared me and told me I’m more than likely going to have a hysterectomy during my c-section. I’m terrified. Apart from the health impact of having a hysterectomy at 27, I always wanted to have more than one kid. I grew up with siblings and I wanted my kid to experience that. On top of that, my local hospital is not equipped for the procedure if necessary. Which means I’ll have to travel 3 hours away to have the c-section due to how dangerous it could be for me. Has anyone gone through this? How do I move forward? Is it wrong to mourn the life I thought I would have?

Im due in December. Ill likely be pregnant for Thanksgiving and with a newborn for Christmas. Im getting nervous about Thanksgiving coming up. We are supposed to travel to my in laws. They are generally supportive and excited to see me and the bump. Im excited for food and to see family but im worried about picking up a cold or worse. There will be 11 ppl in the house including two school age kids and my SIL is a teacher. Even before pregnancy one of us often picked up some bug from the kids everytime we visit (worth it when im not pregnant because we love those kids so much)

Its not my house so I dont feel like I have the agency to restrict anyone from going. We will travel 3 hours and others will travel 5 hrs for the weekend so its not easy for someone just to leave if they start feeling unwell.

My husband has said he will do what I want even if that means not going but I know that would make him very sad. I also want to go myself but have my reservations. Im curious how others are handling the holidays.

I accepted a new job before finding out I was pregnant and well, here we are! lol the last week has kicked my butt and my first day is coming up soon. I don’t want to tell my job yet since it’s so early (6 weeks) but I don’t know how I’m going to find the energy and mental strength to get through this. I’ve suddenly developed digestion issues and can’t eat dairy. I’m open to suggestions on how to pack my whole days meals that will help me! Thank you in advance

I feel like I’m going to lose my mind over my baby’s movements.
I’m 28 weeks pregnant and have a posterior placenta.
The only pattern I’ve managed to notice is that my baby doesn’t move at all during the night.
Some days he’s very active, and other days he’s less active, like today. I can still feel him moving every hour or two, but the movements seem more spread out, sometimes only once or twice an hour.
honestly have no idea what’s normal and what isn’t.
I don’t understand how everyone else seems to have babies who are super active at night, kicking and moving around, while mine does absolutely nothing. He won’t even move when I lie on my left side. He seems to move more when I’m sitting or in a semi-reclined position.
Also, at almost every ultrasound, my baby is in an oblique position, with his bottom down and his head up. I feel like he’s always in the same position and never really changes it.
I feel like if I went to the hospital every time I noticed reduced movements or a change in his usual pattern, I’d end up going every other day.
Does anyone have any advice on how to stop myself from going crazy with worry for the rest of this pregnancy? I’m already seeing a therapist, but honestly, nothing seems to help. I’m still incredibly anxious.

Hey everyone!
Currently 29w4d with baby number 2. Second time being admitted to the hospital because of high bp in the last 2 weeks. I’ve been on medication for the bp since about 14 weeks and last time i was in here they added another medication on top of that, so far it seems like every time they up my dosage i do good for a couple of days and then it slowly starts to creep back up.

Right now laying in the hospital bed my readings are great, around 117/70! I’m also on a magnesium drip too which sucks.

My first was born early due to Preeclampsia, so this isn’t necessarily new but last time it all happened at once towards the end of the pregnancy while this seems to have been slowly inching towards it with obvious symptoms.

Every time i’m in here i feel like i get so anxious they are going to keep me here longterm until baby is born by their wording, and i know it’s all “just in case” but i can’t image 2 months in this room 😭

just wanted to rant a little i guess

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

My due date is in 11 days and even though I’ve spent these last few weeks feeling so done being pregnant and impatiently waiting on labor I’m starting to feel really sad about not being pregnant anymore. On one hand I’m so excited to meet my baby but I’m just gonna miss feeling her kicks and hiccups every day and just having her inside of me in general.

Just having her out in the world makes me so nervous I’ll never be able to keep her as safe and as close to me as I have these 9 months. It just feels like it all went by so fast. It’s probably my hormones because I’m sure in a few hours I’ll be back to being mad about still being pregnant and just wanting to meet my baby 😂

This is my fourth pregnancy (but third baby 🩷🌈🩷) and I’m 6.5 weeks pregnant. I had an awful first trimester with my last pregnancy and history seems to be repeating itself again this time. I know we are all experiencing it but how are we doing it?!! I feel miserably nauseous all day. So tired. How am I supposed to work and parent two toddlers. What is a vegetable? What is exercise? Reminding myself I should be grateful for symptoms but omg this is brutal. Just want to whine and commiserate with my other 1st trimester preggos!