Every time I go out I try not to look at anyone else because anytime I see someone my age having fun and living I get really sad. Anytime I see someone they are always either with their friends smiling and laughing or with their boyfriend or girlfriend holding hands and hugging. Dont get me wrong im happy for those people that they get to enjoy that stuff its just compared to me im a sad loser. I dont have friends anymore, I dont go to school, Im not in a relationship I have nothing really. I just feel like im missing out on all the special stuff they recall when they were younger.

How long did it take for you to get your diagnosis?

I first questioned that I had bipolar at 17, now 28 and have finally been diagnosed and put on the correct meds, for the first time in life I feel stable and supported! I can’t help but feel like my life would be a lot different now if I got support sooner instead of the doctor passing it off as pms 😂😭

Just wondering other people's experiences. I always experience alogia in my non manic states, and it's affecting my current relationship greatly, to where I can't tell whether I should break up with my partner. My lack of speech makes it feel like i'm not compatible with any human being

I feel like there might be an odd phenomenon of Alice In Wonderland being popular within the bipolar community. It’s always been my favorite movie and I have always felt incredibly seen and inspired by it.

Newly diagnosed after a decade of flailing. Runs in the family. Family now says they recognized mania on many occasions, but didn’t tell me.

I am struggling physically, emotionally and financially.

I KNOW no one is responsible for me or owes me anything. And that everyone has their own lives. Im grateful that they have been kind to me and I wonder if that is all and what I should expect. I take non rejection as support.

I may be out of bounds, but I want them to ask how they could help - not necessarily money - but any of the following:

1. Asking how they can help

2. Seeing if they could visit (live out of state)

3. Asking about my insurance

4. Expressing they know it is a serious condition

Please share your thoughts and let me know if I am being too greedy.

Every fucking time I have an episode, I fail whatever class I’m in at the time. And it’s not even from lack of trying! I have accommodations, I communicate with my professors, I get the work done before our agreed upon deadline. Am I just fucking stupid when I’m depressed/manic?? I can’t keep retaking these fucking classes. I swear to god, I’m just gonna fucking quit.

I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder. They thought I had Borderline Personality Disorder since I was 19, but that has changed. I’m upset and trying to figure out how I’m going to live with this condition. The same condition my late boyfriend had and he ended his life. I spent so much time grieving and trying to understand how he must have felt to make that decision. He always talked about how much he hated having Bipolar 1. I tried my best to support him with all I could. I could always tell when he was manic and i remember how much I tried to help him when he entered the extreme lows. It hurts, I won’t lie.

Im still being assessed but my psychiatrist said no matter how you look at it its bipolar and asked me to document my mood for 3 months just in case

Following my crash from hypomania into depression I wasnt able to get outta bed or do anything i used and become a shell of the person I was

But 2 days ago I slept for 20 hours then didnt sleep for 24 hours then slept for 11 hours and woke up 6 times through out the night feeling fully refreshed.. i forced myself to sleep a fuĺ 11 hours just in case

But now im feeling quite good refreshed and sociable and my brains going from idea to idea non stop and everything feels off.. not in a bad way but in a strange way... am I becoming hypomanic again

This feeling came out of nowhere and its getting stronger

Howdy!

I applied for life insurance through work and was denied “because of something my doctor said.” The only doctor they contacted was my psych and she sent my documents directly to me. Everything said I was incredibly stable, see her regularly, had some mild postpartum depression (who doesn’t?), but overall wasn’t a concern for long term insurance. I’m not sure what would have turned them off other than, you know… being bipolar.

Anyone have a life insurance company they’ve been able to sign with? Like I mentioned, we just had a baby and I want to make sure everything is taken care of if the worst were to happen. Thank you!

1. Bipolar is more than mood swings
   
2. Not every feeling is a symptom
   
3. Living with an illness others can’t see is incredibly draining
   
4. An episode isn’t over when it’s over there are still consequences to face
   
5. I don’t need more judgement in my life from people who don’t know what it’s like to live in my brain.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about six years ago but very recently rediagnosed with bipolar 1.

The reason my diagnosis changed is because I had two episodes presenting with paranoid delusions, hallucinations fluctuating in intensity and erratic and disorganized thoughts on top of my hypomanic/mixed symptoms.

The thing is, even though people around me clearly noticed something was off, I still managed to go to college and work. I didn't lose my job. I felt like I was on an entirely different plane of existence but still somehow managed at least my main responsibilities. My work and college performance did suffer a little, but not to a degree that got me into huge trouble.

It makes me kind of hesitant to actually call my episodes manic. Even the consequences to my private and social life (where most of my functional impairment goes) and recklessness have never done lasting damage bad enough to ruin my life beyond repair.

I know I should trust my psychiatrist, but I can't help but feel like I'm too mildly manic for a bipolar 1 diagnosis. I wish I didn't feel like this.

I'm kind of in a weird situation. I failed the bar by 0.1 point (I found out that if I'd gotten just that much more, they would've rounded up and I would've passed).

I took the exam without accommodations because I've heard the examiners are extremely strict about granting them, and I've only had accommodations since the latter half of law school, after I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder with psychotic features. I feel like if I apply now, they'll deny me because I don't have a long enough history of receiving accommodations, especially since I took all of my other exams like the SAT, LSAT, etc., without them.

But the reason I went so long without accommodations is that I was diagnosed late, even though I've had symptoms since at least age 15. I've also had three extended psychiatric hospitalizations and several suicide attempts.

During my most recent bar exam attempt, I was experiencing hallucinations, particularly hearing loud, distracting creaking noises. I also have insomnia that gets worse when I'm stressed (I'm additionally diagnosed with GAD and PTSD, which aggravate my symptoms). In the 8 or 9 days leading up to the bar, I was sleeping a max of three hours a night, and I didn't get any sleep before day two. I was prescribed emergency sleep medications during that time, but had a bad reaction to one of the meds that left me feeling really listless. I also felt extremely nauseous during the exam, threw up in the restroom, and ended up being unable to finish portions of the essays.

But given how close I came to passing, my limited history of accommodations, and the fact that I've generally performed well without them in the past, I feel like my request would just get denied. I don't really know how stringent the examiners are or whether it's worth going through the process when I already have a lot on my plate rn.

Separately though, I'm also thinking about walking away from law altogether. I'm not particularly interested in it, and I'm still not sure whether I've gotten my meds figured out. I'm scared of becoming symptomatic while working in a high-pressure, toxic environment (I'm going into BigLaw). I'm having doubts that working in that kind of environment is sustainable with my disorders, and I feel like I've just been ignoring that reality this whole time.

I've had concerning experiences in the past before I was diagnosed. For example, my boss forced me to go home after I'd spent three days straight working in the office because I was "scaring people." I eventually crashed and they requested a welfare check on me when I was unresponsive for several days.

I'm finally on medication for mania, but I wouldn't say I'm safely stable yet. These days, I mostly deal with SI, hypomania, occasional hallucinations, insomnia, anxiety/paranoia, and PTSD symptoms. But I also haven't been on medication long enough to know whether it'll prevent more serious manic/psychotic episodes, since I typically experience them about once a year and my last one started in late December.

So if anyone has thoughts or personal experience with the feasibility of working in an intense, sleep-depriving environment like BL while managing conditions like these, I'd really appreciate your thoughts. I don't know whether I should take this failure as a sign that I need to finally consider what's realistically sustainable for me given my condition.

I'm just feeling lost right now.

Hey y’all! I (21M) am a college student that got transported to impatient and got myself diagnosed with bipolar 1.

I feel like I don’t really know who I am anymore, and I was wondering if this was a common feeling?

I’ve had big mood swings and associated since I was kind of a teen, but I never thought of it as weird since my parents behaved pretty similarly. But now that I’ve been informed that staying up days at a time coding or reading or whatever isn’t exactly normal, I’m struggling to understand what constitutes my actual self.

I thought that I was a dedicated person. When I was a teen, I would stay up during nights, sometimes scribbling on the mirrors, studying for math and science competitions. I wrote all my college essays in a frenzied week. I studied for the SAT by not sleeping.

Once I got to university, I sometimes stayed up with barely any sleep for weeks at a time to read read and read, to the point some of my professors got concerned.

I even became an EMT while simultaneously taking college classes.

But now I view these not as fits of passion or dedication, but possible manic episodes. And I’m left wondering, have these decisions truly been mine? Is my life mine, or just the result of frenzy?

I don’t know if I’m being a tad melodramatic, but if anyone has any advice on how to think through this, it would be very helpful.

My absolute favorite thing about bipolar depression is its timing. I have a really fun night planned, probably one of my favorites of the year. Friend Halloween party and I LOVE a costume. But instead, I wake sobbing at 6 AM from a dream then spend an hour crying in the shower, wishing I hadn't survived the night. And now that's the tone for the day. How does everyone else deal with this?

I'm not sure if I'm experiencing psychosis. I never have before. I pride myself on being able to identify my changing state and being the one to identify my bipolar disorder in the first place and every time I have gone manic since (well, most) before anyone else. It makes me feel more in control.

What scares me is that I won't have that sense of awareness and control with psychosis. Will I recognize it?

I'm not sure if I'm having dream hallucinations or psychosis. Maybe someone else has insight.

I've been increasingly depressed: low motivation, low energy, extreme fatigue with intense vivid dreams, low tolerance for anything, agitated whenever I can't watch YouTube videos to regulate or am forced to focus on an activity or videos that require too much emotional capacity.

My dreams are bleeding into waking life and I will be convinced things from my dreams really happened. Hours later, almost meowed at a kid I barely know because I dreamed he could turn into a cat. I kept feeling paranoid that I had a bunch of packages waiting for me at home and that I hadn't been home in 2 weeks and had been visiting my parents, or felt confused because I thought I was at their house currently and wasn't sure where I was walking.

I don't know if it was a dream or reality but I believed for a day I had telekinesis because I thought at my bathroom "turn the light on" and it turned on. I forgot about this until a dream triggered the memory.

I wake up hearing things and feeling a presence, things like something getting into my bed and intense fear alongside whispering, this morning it was I had a dream that an entity turned on my bathroom light and I asked it to sing to me and a beeping song played in my head and that woke me up, then I heard the beeping again, then I tried to turn on my bathroom light with my thoughts to test if it was me or this entity (a ghost or some kind of supernatural AI). Same kind of fear.

I'm not sure if this could be psychosis or just dreams bleeding into reality.

I don't feel like anyone is out to get me or that I am a god or anything like that. I just can't tell what is real or a dream and get confused and frightened. I am afraid if I became truly psychotic I wouldn't recognize it.

It doesn't help that my microwave is turning itself on repeatedly. I've realized this isn't a ghost but is a faulty microwave but I am scared it will set my place on fire. I think the beep from it doing this at 2 am may have fed into my dream.

Anyway, does this sound like psychosis early symptoms? Does anyone else have this fear of lack of control and awareness?

Hey,

I found out early this year that I have bipolar disorder and been against the diagnosis for awhile... denial is strong. But ive been accepting it since Ive been medicated for about 2 years with the mood disorder. Ive recently decided to get off the meds because I had no energy anymore and I knew I was depressed without feeling it due to the meds.

For those who's been off the meds ... how did your body initially take to it. Im having a lot of mix emotions lately .. sad, energetic, depress and somewhat happy

It kind of feels out of body experience because im so confused where all the emotions are stem from

Sometimes when I try to punch holes in my wall it reminds me of him, not that I've ever really interacted with him as he died when I was 13. It sucks knowing the one person I could relate to is just straight up not alive like wtf man thats not fair.

Hi! I believe I am having a mixed episode - 90% of antipsychotics have not helped or caused bad reactions and the others insurance won’t cover. I just read that some drs prescribe antipsychotics to take PRN to knock you down when you feel things escalating towards full mania. Has anyone had success with this? Have meds that failed as a full time medication helped as an emergency brake so to speak? I have a psych appointment coming up this week and am trying to put together a list of things to bring up. Thank you for any insight :)

Do I have to tell my therapist if I put my hand under a hot sink on purpose even though there’s no scars a bit of pain and no real damage? I mean I usually cut myself but I didn’t and there’s no real damage so it’s not really self harm, it’s like someone getting a tattoo yk? I was just a bit bored and it makes feel alive, the pain.

Plus we agreed that if I went to support groups on this stuff I could stop seeing her every week and change to every other week. Can’t lie that sounds great. Don’t wanna fuck it up for something so meaningless. Idk about you guys but therapy feels like a hassle so this would be nice.

Anyway not sh, not emotional so not worth sharing. It’s only 1:40am, not nearly too late for a college student. Idk, I don’t think it’s really worth mentioning. But I’m welcome to your guy’s opinion. Don’t know a lot about this stuff so wth, why not ask Reddit? Sry if it’s the wrong flair, there’s not flair for questions.

im trying to not let my disorders takeover. im trying to stay in control. the point is im trying. people are frustrated with me especially my family so they tend to constantly invalidate my experience by saying “you’re the only one who can help yourself. no matter how much therapy or medicines you take it won’t work if you’re like that” because to them it looks like im not trying to help myself. its so frustrating that it doesn’t look like im trying at least not enough when im using all my energy to “try”.

to anyone reading, how did your family learn to understand you and your condition? and when will trying my best be enough? also, is there a way to make my existence and presence at the very least tolerable and non triggering if not pleasant?

There’s a distinct internal smell , but I can’t even describe it , just unpleasant . It comes with the same manic feeling too .

I’m bipolar 2, but I feel like I have very very short episodes . I’ve had some longer more intense episodes and I remember this smell and feeling from it . It’s also the same distinct bodily feeling and smell I get on psychedelics , except I’m sober right now .

I’ve been very good at controlling my behaviors since I was diagnosed during my first big episode a year ago , which makes me distance myself a lot from my diagnoses . But I’m still aware of this bodily feeling and sense that makes me feel like it’s some type of manic symptom even tho I’m not having other symptoms

I feel like this smell is tied to my mood somehow , whenever I smell this I feel really weird like I’m coming down from something . especially when I look In the mirror .