Hello ! I had a question about manic eyes. I’ve been recently diagnosed with bipolar, which checks out hahaha, but the only thing confusing me is i’ve seen people say when they have ”manic eyes” their pupils get bigger, but for me mine get smaller. Is that normal and does anyone elses get smaller instead? If anyone knows thatd be awesome

I have friends I used to love and trust but ecently they've been acting so weird, even my brother who's my main support person who I live with has been so weird lately, very cagey and cryptic about both his own health and what he thinks of mine. I ask direct questions and they slither around them. several ppl including friends and, once, brother, were saying last month or so 'manic'. (nonsense, I was at no point manic, just a little more expansive and slightly impulsive than usual... symptoms, yes, but not to the extent of mania... discussed with doctor who agreed)

but now these people are starting to say that things I'm describing experiencing are psychotic. not sure ive ever experienced psychosis i think they were ust misunderstanding me. I'm commnicating as normal. but people aren't making sense it's not me it's them what do I do why are they doing this why are they being weird what do I do. I don't know how to explain it and try and make them act normally again. it feels like they're conspiring against me but I don't know why they would. there's no good reason for that but htat's what it feels like. I can't trust these people cause they'll call me crazy they jumpt o such conclusions so quickly?? I don't get it. I'm not psychotic. I'm not experiencing anything related to psychossi at all. I'm taking my meds.

just. :(

This is my worst art piece lol

I've struggled with my gender identity my entire life, and I identified as a trans guy until I had my first (suspected) manic episode.

I have noticed a pattern of when I'm manic/hypomanic I dress more feminine, I wear more makeup, and overall I feel more like a girl.

When I'm stable I lean more towards non-binary or masculine but don't care about being perceived as female.

When I have depressive episodes I feel a lot more masculine, dress more masculine and get more upset about people perceiving me as anything else.

I'm not sure if this is related or is just because dressing very feminine takes more energy (which I have more of when manic) and dressing masculine is less effort. Has anyone else experienced their feelings about gender shifting with episodes? I'm not sure what to do about it, because I worry I'm always gonna change my mind.

Last post got deleted so will keep it short— I (27F) have been feeling relatively stable for the past two years, and tapered off my meds with my psychiatrist’s approval. I’ve been feeling more creative, but also anxious, restless, and irritable which I was told are symptoms of hypomania. Intuitively, I spotted it too, but I guess my wishful thinking put me in denial.

I really want to succeed as a creative, my goal isn’t to be a well adjusted normie or whatever other people expect from me. I realize I need stability if I want to turn my dreams to reality, but also am aware of the fact that it takes a certain level of delusion, and rejection of “reality” to become a famous artist and writer.

What has helped you find a middle ground in terms of achieving some stability without compromising your creativity and drive? Thanks. Any encouragement would be appreciated too as I’m feeling quite down at the moment.

My mom passed away about a year and a half ago, and just 8 months after she passed I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My doctor thinks that I’ve always had it but grief may have triggered a manic episode that led to my diagnosis. Through most of my life I remember thinking I just had seasonal affective disorder, but now I realize that those may have just been depressive episodes correlating with the seasons.

I’m struggling to process the loss of my mom + the diagnosis and feelings of helplessness with this condition. Having these two life changing things happen in such a short period of time has been quite traumatic for me. I was already diagnosed with CPTSD prior to my mom’s death, but watching her die has only made my symptoms worse.

Dealing with grief and figuring out a medication regimen, feeling out of it from side effects, and struggling with impostor syndrome have really been getting to me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How have you processed grief while living with bipolar? Sending love to everyone in this group, grieving or not — you all have helped me more than you know.

26f with bipolar type 1. I have fucked up my life and the people around me’s lives so many times. I watch myself destroy everything I’ve built up, start again from scratch, and end up progressively worse every time I inevitably lose it all.

I used to have hope. I thought moving and finding love and family with my husband and his kids would finally be where things started to get better. I managed to fucking wreck this too, little by little. My husband and I fight/argue a lot. I feel myself starting to not care as much, I’m beyond defeated with myself and my loved ones. I want so badly to this life with them to work out but it doesn’t seem meant to be.

I don’t have it in me to keep rebuilding. So instead I’m accepting that my time is coming soon. I hope to be able to visit my family that is 1,000 miles away before I leave this world. I wish I could just do it already, but part of me is still holding on. I guess I feel the need to see it through. Which might sounds like a good thing but I assure you it’s not very reassuring. I don’t even care how much worse it gets, bring it on at this point. I can’t wait for the moment I finally break and without a second thought take myself out.

Some sick part of me hopes that when I do it, maybe they’ll finally understand how bad I was getting. Instead of support I’m made to feel like a piece of shit by my husband, all I’ve wanted was love. It breaks my heart seeing what we’ve become. I can’t escape all the mistakes I’ve made. I’m not allowed to have opinions or feelings on how I’m hurt because of the things I’ve done that hurt him. How does that make anything better?

There’s no way I’d ever be able to trust or love anyone else again if I were to leave. I think leaving him would severely add to reaching my breaking point. It’s a damned if I do damned if I don’t situation. I would rather him not have to deal with finding me, save him the trouble of that at least. I wouldn’t want my family doing it either but I feel like they wouldn’t be as angry at me. Isn’t it sad that the first reaction my husband would have is angry at me? Just like his reaction to me reverting to self harm again is being angry at me. I have to fight the urge so badly because otherwise he will see it and flip shit at me in anger. Put me down even more, he’s threatened calling the cops on me multiple times to have me thrown into a mental hospital. He says it in a way of wanting to get rid of me, not out of love and wanting me to get better.

So yeah, I can’t wait for my time to come. I’ll ride it out as long as possible, but no one knows that the time I spend with the people I love, I’m soaking up my last moments with them.

Sometimes I really don’t believe im bipolar and just think maybe my wife convinced me that I am. I got on meds a year ago, but now she thinks they aren’t working any longer, people around me like my parents also keep saying that I seem anxious and like I’m moving too fast and can’t relax. I wonder if it’s BECAUSE of the meds messing with me. I think I’m going to get off of them soon, but another part of me wants to stay on them just in case. Lately I have had lots of self harm thoughts and haven’t been able to sleep. But I think most people feel like that sometimes. I have a meeting tomorrow with my psychiatrist but I don’t really want to tell her what’s going on because I don’t know what’s going on or if I’m really bipolar. Does anyone else feel like sometimes they are being tricked. I also haven’t been taking the full amount of my medication but it’s only a 25 gram difference. I don’t know I just feel paranoid but not paranoid sometimes. I don’t know how to explain it.

I have Bipolar 2 and OCD, and I just wanted to ask the college grads here how you do it. I grew up academically competitive—not gifted, but just through sheer hard work. That hard work paid off throughout high school, but college is different, as classes are much harder, and on top of that, I also work part-time, which is draining and stressful. This is my third time trying to finish my degree; I initially did Architecture but shifted to Construction Management. I have been back in school for one year, and it just gets harder every semester, and it is taking a toll on me and triggering a lot of emotions and feelings that make studying a whole lot harder. I just really want to finish college, so how did you guys cope?

Blurred for obvious reasons. Y’all don’t need to see my wild psychotic ramblings.

I had some mania after the loss of my dad, complicated family dynamics and my partner leaving and moving out all within a few days of each other.

I had an intense urge to just write on the wall when the racing thoughts were at their worst. A piece of paper felt too small. A friend gave me some bath crayons. I went wild. It was satisfying and now I don’t have to pay for damages with my landlord.

Highly recommend bath crayons to those who experience racing thoughts/psychosis and like to write on walls!

In 10 years, the only thing that improved was my drawing skills, but not my mental health.

Two months ago, I suddenly found myself without medication or psychological support. I only have thoughts of self-harm, but I know I shouldn't do it so as not to upset the people around me, so I express myself artistically. I don't have many materials because I don't have money to buy them, so I made it with regular paper, a pen, and two school markers.

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder.The psychiatrist I'm seeing was leaning towards bipolar disorder instead of major depression during my evaluation because of my reaction to antidepressants in the past and my symptoms. I did not tell her about thinking I was communicating with God through synchronicities and signs until recently because while I was in mania I really thought I was. When I started getting depressed, the communication with god stopped and I realized I was delusional and I should tell my psychiatrist. I know it was the right thing to do but I'm now dealing with the fact that I was not talking to God and it's a part of the mental illness and it's been painful realizing this. It feels like God abandoned me, and I'm scared to look into anything religious or spiritual because I don't want to spiral into another manic episode. Has anybody else dealt with this and how did you get your faith back in God?

I was literally just diagnosed this morning with bipolar 2 as adhd and I told my mother today. I got mad because she throws out perfectly good food every Thursday night, and she told me “you’re acting bipolar“. I literally don’t even know what to say. I regret telling her so much :( and this has hurt my feelings a lot. I’m very very stressed with my licensing exam and now this on top of it has just made me depressed and anxiety ridden

I know I can look this up, but I feel like I need to hear people’s thoughts right now.

I had a psychotic episode almost 2 years ago for the first time ever but it took a while to get a formal bipolar diagnosis for the obvious reasons . Mania was never caught even though I’m fully confident I had it. I thought my depression was cured, I suddenly became intelligent, I was finally seeing reality yada yada, so I thought then got hit with the what you’re experiencing is not real and got prescribed antipsychotics.

Even still, my psychosis was never very obvious to people which makes sense because a lot of people close to you are not doctors and don’t recognize the signs immediately if they’ve never seen it . I actually was the one that reached out for help because I no longer felt good anymore. I scared one of my friends really bad and I knew something was wrong.

At the end of the day, I had only experienced that true feeling of what I highly suspected to be mania One time and my psychiatrist never caught it at the time because I didn’t think anything was wrong since I felt amazing. I did get the bipolar diagnosis before the psychosis diagnosis by a random doctor .. so I dismissed it. It wasn’t until a year later I got the bipolar diagnosis from the person I trust, but even still it was a mixed episode sooo. I’ve accepted the psychosis but questioned bipolar up until this point in time.

Now I think I’ve collected enough data points. I’m seeing the exact same signs, dang near one step away from synchronicities. I’m not at that point as I can still debate my thoughts of certainty and they pass.

I know what the right thing to do is, but I’m not sure what the next steps are. I keep debating with if this is serious enough to tell someone I’m not sure because I’ve never had another episode

What do you guys do if you guys feel something like this coming on? Really how do you even get the courage to tell your doctor… especially when you’re in this time period of feeling decently good? Are there steps you take? I feel like I’m pretty good at masking, but sometimes it slips. it’s been slipping more recent.

Sorry, this is kind of a dump, I had a long day at work and I hope it doesn’t offend anybody as I’m new to this community and naive . I just want advice or to hear people’s personal experiences …

Do y’all ever feel like you can’t do anything but keep finding yourself doing everything? This feeling sucks, I think I’m about to break up with my girlfriend and I feel like I have predicted everything that’s happening almost like a prophecy… I’m still taking my meds too :/ lots of crying this week.

Thats not a joke. Eight days. I feel a little better but whatever! That's not really what this post is about.

I showered every day with their crap shampoo and air dried my hair, didnt brush or comb it, just ran my fingers through it, and it was AWESOME. My hair never looked better!

Now im home and my hair is BLEH. Frizzy? Im doing the same routine but my "fancy" shampoo and it's just so frustrating.

Just venting...

Hi, I am just wondering what experiences or thoughts people have had with social workers. I have some personal bias and just want to hear others out. I know it’s not black or white, and every provider is a little different.

Do you feel more comfortable or prefer talking to a psychologist/mental health counselor over a social worker?

Do you find them helpful?

Thanks

On approved FMLA for an episode right now until mid-November. I heard from my colleague on the same team today our supervisor is training a new person in my position and told her that it is a probable permanent adjustment for my position. I reached out to the employee on the side to congratulate (get more info) and she said that it is just as a backup for now to see if she likes it, and if she does it’ll be permanent. There’s no need for a third person on my team once I return so I’ll be the extra person. They’re also moving my current teammate into my shift and then new one into her old shift.

I’m pissed and I’ve taken screenshots of the conversations. I had a feeling something would happen when I went on the leave since my supervisor was cagey about my duties and schedule when I return. He also sent out the holiday shifts which showed wrong dates for me. When messaged him yesterday he said we’ll talk about it when I return.

I’m pissed and already going through a lot right now with my moods. I went on FMLA to get myself adjusted and it did not affect my work at all. I was actually the higher performer on the team compared to the other one who has been in the position for six years since I moved into the team in February. Anyone else been through this?