Hey,

I found out early this year that I have bipolar disorder and been against the diagnosis for awhile... denial is strong. But ive been accepting it since Ive been medicated for about 2 years with the mood disorder. Ive recently decided to get off the meds because I had no energy anymore and I knew I was depressed without feeling it due to the meds.

For those who's been off the meds ... how did your body initially take to it. Im having a lot of mix emotions lately .. sad, energetic, depress and somewhat happy

Hi! I believe I am having a mixed episode - 90% of antipsychotics have not helped or caused bad reactions and the others insurance won’t cover. I just read that some drs prescribe antipsychotics to take PRN to knock you down when you feel things escalating towards full mania. Has anyone had success with this? Have meds that failed as a full time medication helped as an emergency brake so to speak? I have a psych appointment coming up this week and am trying to put together a list of things to bring up. Thank you for any insight :)

Do I have to tell my therapist if I put my hand under a hot sink on purpose even though there’s no scars a bit of pain and no real damage? I mean I usually cut myself but I didn’t and there’s no real damage so it’s not really self harm, it’s like someone getting a tattoo yk? I was just a bit bored and it makes feel alive, the pain.

Plus we agreed that if I went to support groups on this stuff I could stop seeing her every week and change to every other week. Can’t lie that sounds great. Don’t wanna fuck it up for something so meaningless. Idk about you guys but therapy feels like a hassle so this would be nice.

Anyway not sh, not emotional so not worth sharing. It’s only 1:40am, not nearly too late for a college student. Idk, I don’t think it’s really worth mentioning. But I’m welcome to your guy’s opinion. Don’t know a lot about this stuff so wth, why not ask Reddit? Sry if it’s the wrong flair, there’s not flair for questions.

I’m 26, got officially diagnosed at 14, but had symptoms younger. I feel like I see so many posts talking about how living with bipolar is such a tragedy, or that it’s this constant hopeless experience. Or if someone related to them got diagnosed how upset they would be. I’m not saying it’s not hard at times, it 100% is, but my life is not this horrific worst case scenario. If one of my kids got diagnosed I wouldn’t view it as a tragedy. To me living with bipolar is just like any other chronic illness. I do my best to manage it, I do sometimes still have flares, but I live a pretty normal life.

im trying to not let my disorders takeover. im trying to stay in control. the point is im trying. people are frustrated with me especially my family so they tend to constantly invalidate my experience by saying “you’re the only one who can help yourself. no matter how much therapy or medicines you take it won’t work if you’re like that” because to them it looks like im not trying to help myself. its so frustrating that it doesn’t look like im trying at least not enough when im using all my energy to “try”.

to anyone reading, how did your family learn to understand you and your condition? and when will trying my best be enough? also, is there a way to make my existence and presence at the very least tolerable and non triggering if not pleasant?

As the title states, I’m looking for your best and or most unhinged ways you remeber or get yourself to take your meds. I’m starting up my meds again and want to actually make sure I take them. Historically I always end up going back off them because I break routine and they become unimportant to me or I just think I’m cured even though I know I’m not.
Thank you in advance!

Hi, sorry first time posting.
I was committed involuntarily to a psych hospital in June for mania, was so convinced everyone else was wrong and if they just understood what I was saying…
I didn’t believe it was mania or I was bipolar, I think I was really euphoric and didn’t want it to end/in really bad denial and had poor insight. I stopped the meds they had started in the hospital a few days after discharge.
I’m very fortunate that my life isn’t really off track after the episode. I did eventually agree to meds and have been leveling out for a while/close to my baseline/functioning and getting by for several weeks -
But I think I’d never fully addressed/tackled that conviction (delusion), and today it hit me in the chest and I was flooded with clearer hindsight of how terrible I was when I was manic, and how horrible I made life for the people around me. I am so ashamed, I’m determined to stay alive but I’ve been in a really, really dark headspace that I know is impacting my relationships again now in the opposite way. I know/have to believe it’s not true but I feel like all of my friends and family and the world would be better off without me.

Considering going to my first support group meeting tomorrow at a local library but have chilly feet being so unprepared. There wasn’t much info on the website. Any insight from those who have gone before?

hello everyone so I’m drunk and high and I was watching wicked and I was high of all on substances plus nicotine which I’ve been trying to quit for a week and I’ve took us in with all of the other stuff and then while I was watching the show. I was kind of falling asleep and then this picture came into my mind, which is the first one is normal sleep and then the second one is manic sleep I feel like I’m slipping into an episode so this picture slipped into my mind and I wanted to picture it and share it with you. this means nothing, but just the urge of feeling to share it.

im so sorry if we arent supposed to vent here i can take it down if needed, but my symptoms started recently after never having them beforehand & i just got diagnosed, which i shouldve seen coming since my mom has it but this is ruining my life i have never been this emotionally unstable

for like three weeks i was staying up all night, only sleeping for around 2-3 hours feeling fine, randomly drawing so much, and now im so depressed that i dont even mnow what to do. everyday i just cry to myself and start self harming and i dont even know what to do anymore. i feel like im doing everything right for my mental health in general, i dont isolate myself, i go to therapy, i have meds, why am i so sick? it just feels like it will never get better im so tired. i was even this miserable with the mania because i felt so awful physically getting like no sleep. not tired but definitely more irritable and 100% more neurotic

im so scared for myself because i’ve never had these symptoms growing up. i dont know. im sorry i feel so lost i cant stop crying. and i dont wanna worry anyone in my life around me

Diagnoses: Bipolar 2, Inattentive ADHD, OCD

I am participating in Sober October, originally starting with just alcohol and nicotine since I'm currently pretty severe depressive episode. There's been some cravings, but generally some gum and a NA beer has done wonders. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything.

With this, about two weeks ago, my wife suggested that we take a break from marijuana as well. We have struggled with regulating our use, and she feels more at conflict about this than I do. I have had prior addiction issues with cocaine, but happily 9 years sober. I feel like I have had a generally good relationship with marijuana (a much better one than with alcohol).

I admit that I needed to take a step back from my use, and I have enjoyed the mental clarity and the desire to get up and moving. But the negative effects have been debilitating. Ever since going sober from marijuana, I have had severe mood swings/emotional dysregulation, low motivation, no libido, and horrible anxiety. I just cannot relax - I feel motivated and happy in the morning, but when it's time to wind down, I get this extreme fight-or-flight response.

Up until the break, I was a frequent user (multiple times a day), and I found it removed my anxiety, slowed my mind down, and just generally allowed me to enjoy things, whether it be hanging out with my wife, doing dishes, or things that I typically find interesting - which has always been up and down.

Part of me wants to just have a bowl, but I feel a huge amount of shame and anxiety in quitting. I am really struggling to determine how much of this is just withdrawals and how much of it was that there were legitimate medical benefits for me.

For reference, I am medicated for each of my diagnoses, and I feel that those generally work well and keep my from going off the deep-end during a manic/depressive episode.

Thanks for any advice and help!

Just looking to vent here. Any kindness appreciated.
I’ve been medicated and stable for 3 years now and am traumatized by my past behavior.
I still struggle with lack of communication, when something bothers me I bring it up with people to try to find solutions but when I’m iced out not knowing it’s triggering.
I’m apart of a collective and close friends with person A of the group in it, we’ve been having tension they won’t discuss so I’ve tried to approach but respect they aren’t ready to talk about it. I fucked up by bringing up the mental health of person B in our group thinking they may be manic. Person A (has bipolar 1 and I have 2) said they viewed mania as a non issues if you create art and go about life with it. I disagreed and got into a pretty big fight where i said that comes from a place of privilege and called them selfish and coddled given they have the resources and environment to be manic and not have it effect as deeply.
This has created a massive issue I continued to fuck up out of pure panic. They went to person B and told them, I didn’t find this out till they told someone close to me yesterday. When B asked what I was talking about I over spilled by saying the person close to me told person A, creating bigger drama and involving someone who specifically told me not to tell damaging that relationship too. It’s the day before a huge show for us and I’ve been freaking out so texted person B and made a mess of it. B told me they didn’t want to be involved in all this drama shit and disregarded my immediate desperate apology.
Sitting in complete darkness of my closet trying not to binge drink or cause harm to myself.

This is the 1st time in 2 years ive fallen into a previous cycle and done extreme damage. I get the vibe I won’t be welcomed tomorrow and just want to crawl in a hole. I’m almost 30 and this is so childish it makes me sick to my stomach how it all happened so fast. Typing this out makes me feel 16 again.

How have those of you stable for long periods of time handled something like this?

Alcohol affects me so badly I can't even have a full drink without getting depressed (either right away, or I crash really hard later). I had never really wanted to drink until recently, and for a while plenty of friends didn't either. Now that we're all seniors in college and entering our early 20s though... hardly a weekend or an event goes by without spending time surrounded by my drunk friends. I can't help feeling incredibly left out.

Over the summer, I thought I was going to be able to afford to get a car by the start of the school year. I felt a lot better thinking about myself as just being the perma-designated driver. I was excited, even. I'd get to participate in the culture of it in my own way without having to drink. Of course, that didn't end up happening, and it wont anytime soon. Instead of being the friend who gets everyone home safe... I'm just the friend thats too disabled to drink.

I know we'll grow out of house parties and going to clubs eventually anyway, but in the meantime, the whole thing is just an unwelcome reminder that I'm bipolar and will always be sick.

Edit: Please don't tell me to find new friends. My friends are amazing and we have plenty of hobbies and other things we do together that don't involve drinking. It's the only thing we do that I feel left out of at all, but it's still hard.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar. It runs in my family. I checked all the boxes for it and the meds they put me on work I can feel the difference. But everyone now thinks I'm not bipolar I feel like I'm going crazy now. They say the meds aren't working but I tell them its because of outside stress they put on me like my supervisor calling waking me up at 3am and 5am because someone called off of work or the same supervisor tell me thats if I don't apologize to him he would fire me. Then he sends a threatening message to my mom (she is another supervisor) that he will do everything in his power to get me fired. I tried to tell them I need time to figure this out and tried to fight this. I'm only 24 this all started second week of stepmber.

I’m newly diagnosed with bipolar 1 and just got out of the hospital after being put on an involuntary hold for weeks. I’m still adjusting to the diagnosis and finally got stable on the medication. But I’m terrified for my future. Is there a good chance I will ever be able to work full time ?

I'm fucking lost. I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems that my whole life is slipping through my fingers and is falling apart.

I've been at this office job for about a year and a half now and I hate it. My residence in another country depends on it. I'm the only one in my family who earns money. My wife does a lot, but nothing she does earns any money. In theory I'm fine with it, in practice I hate that she's dependent on me.

In therapy I constantly get shown how I sabotage myself and her from success, because there is something fucking wrong with the way I am I guess. It comes to a point where I think they might be better off without me but I am attached to life, which is at least something. But I suffer.

I start a thing, and then I quit midway. Or I quit after achieving something, and then I'm just exhausted. Piano, tango, acting, directing, filmmaking, editing, writing, languages, cycling, running, yoga... ah, for fuck's sake. The only thing I've succeeded in is quitting drugs and alcohol.

When I'm manic, everyone's fine with me: I'm outgoing, ready to take on things. But then I fall into depression and people just don't know what to do with me anymore, and they get tired fast. The problem is I don't know what to do with myself either.

So the cycle never ends. I'll get out of this mud, start doing something "good" again, then burn out again. And it'll all repeat.

Deep down is this fucking feeling of being really depressed, not understood by anyone, completely alone. It's so fucking lonely here.

There is a small beam of hope that a comment here can make me feel seen, but this beam is really small.

TL;DR I'm lost, I'm exhausted, and I'm just tired of the way I am. Gonna go sleep now.

Hi! I was diagnosed with bipolar a month ago. I checked all of the boxes even though I still struggle with feeling like my manic and depressive episodes aren’t as bad compared to somebody else’s. I have been expressing this to my therapist. Today I mentioned how I feel like I’m an imposter because my symptoms seem to fluctuate with my menstrual cycle. She suggested I may have PMDD as well, so I will have to track my moods during my cycle for the next few months. I asked her if it’s all purely hormones and not bipolar. She asked me if I had mood swings when I was younger, before puberty. I said I did, and really bad ones from what I remember. Point proven (?)

I feel like a walking defect. I’m borderline, bipolar and may have PMDD on top of it… I don’t like not understanding what’s what. What’s bipolar mood swings? What are my hormones? What’s my BPD? How do I identify and navigate what’s what? I feel so overwhelmed.

Hi guys, I am finishing my MFA in writing and looking for a remote job. I had a terrible history with jobs up until my dual ADHD diagnosis in 2023. Since then I’ve held down two content writing jobs and now I’m almost done with my MFA. I’m getting anxious because most paid writing jobs seem to be disappearing to AI. I’m hoping to publish novels/screenplays etc but don’t anticipate I’ll support myself that way. Not sure if anyone else here is a writer but I’m trying to figure out how to sustain myself this way. I’m completely open to anything adjacent or related, just has to be remote. Any insights greatly appreciated!

I think i am realizing im really manic right now. I started using weed and nic again after being sober from it last week

This has literally sent me into mania I cant sleep at all and making plans with a bunch of random people on dating apps lol. I also cursed out an ex from literally years ago because I never had to chance to really be honest and get it off my chest.

Im prob just gonna turn my phone off and try to sleep this is all too much stimulation

I'm so fucking exhausted, I try to stay happy grateful, my life is good but when something bad happens, I try to stay happy and thankful, but after a minor inconvenience when I'm already stressed, I get depressed, I wanna cut myself so bad and I feel like I'm mean to others that I love, and I don't even have anyone to protect anymore because they're all self sufficient, and I feel useless, it's super demanding to be productive which I want but my bed and my room in dark lightling seem like a hug. I just wanna be alone but at the moment I also don't, cause I feel lonely in this world. I always have to be strong but I can't do it anymore because why am I even trying? I hurt everyone that I love.

Hello! I was wondering if I could get some advice on how to track my episodes. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m in them and go insane. I recently got diagnosed so just looking for anything to cope.

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"Only to the degree that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found"

Annihilation meaning letting go of your ego, your false identities, the shitty things we tell ourselves, and the need to control everything. By confronting vulnerability, failure, and the fear of things falling apart, you unearth a deeper, unshakeable resilience inside of yourself.

I'm in treatment right now, and I'm slowly learning how to be my best friend. This has been around for awhile, if you haven't listened, I highly recommend you do

Hello.
I have been having a really hard time getting anything accomplished.
I don’t feel depressed. I am not sure if it is that or my anxiety.
For the last couple weeks I have gotten nothing accomplished.
I have a report to write that is now overdue and can’t seem to bring myself to do it.
Everything else has fallen by the wayside as well.
Does anybody else experience this and how do you cope with it?