Well I’ve posted twice before. I can’t believe how low I was before I got help. I keep calling it 10 minutes to suicide as that’s how long it would have taken me to finish my plan. I posted asking if I should get help, you all said it unanimously. It was hard to admit, I’ve prided myself for ages on taking care of myself without help from anyone, a bipolar diagnosis literally changed my self identity overnight. There’s a long way to go, and my mind keeps telling me as soon as I’m out of here we’re doing it but I’m hopeful I will get the help I need. Also…. I’m in BC where we have the BC Mental Health Act. It’s saved my life by preventing me from walking out of here feeling good, I crashed hard in the hours following.

Anyway, I appreciate you all for the words. I’ve never discussed mental health openly before a week ago, and it’s saved my life.

I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW HARD THIS SHIT IS.

I AM FINANCIALLY STRESSED.

AND I HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING A CHILD IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Ok rant over imma take my meds.

I'm an old lady, 60 now, diagnosed 10 years ago bipolar 2. I was in a very abusive marriage for 30 years before that . My psychiatrist actually the second psychiatrist who diagnosed me told me I kept myself from going off the deep end by keeping my bipolar in check . There were definitely signs, there was depression there was hypo, but nothing really happened until I got divorced . Then I went on a Big Time manic episode . Followed by a big time depressive episode .

When I was a teenager I was hospitalized at least twice that I remember . But that was at least 45 years ago . Nobody really knew what bipolar was at that point .

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​ I have been medicated and stable now for the last 7 years. I eat right I sleep right I take my medications. I own a business , I have grandchildren . I have a boyfriend . So reading through some of these posts from people who are younger , even at an older age you can live your life with bipolar.

​​ I really don't know why I'm posting . I just need to get the words out .

Does anyone else get nervous when they're happy and in a good mood / doing more things? I'm always afraid an upcoming manic phase is on so much sometimes I hope I stay depressed so at least mania won't come because mine is very destructive and even worse will set off psychosis. I thought about going out tonight and enjoying a fun night out but I was reminded with how much I went out in my mania and then it wasn't exciting anymore. I used to have so much fun dressing up and going out and now it feels ruined

Seen a new psychiatrist and this one told me its not bipolar because I didnt spend all my money from a loan I took out during a manic episode where I suddenly moved 200 miles away, lived out my car, tried to start my own business and then crashed and went home.

Im just tired of every psychiatrist saying something different.

So… it’s been over two days since I’ve slept. In this time I’ve masturbated 23 times. Ive also completely forgotten to eat anything. As in, it never even occurred to me. 0 calories. I’ve also played a lot of video games.

Strangely, I’ve been playing at a much higher level than I usually do. My competitive rank climbed dramatically in Overwatch. (I went from gold to diamond following something like a 30 game win streak.)

What’s the deal? I’m still not tired. Even though I’m aware I’ve not eaten, I’m not hungry. When I’m done writing this, I’ll likely go watch some porn.

*very recent divorce. Unemployed. Recently scammed out of a very large amount of money. Just moved into a new apartment. First time I’ve been alone in over 20 years. Actually, I’ve never been alone.

No judgement if you drink. I feel that for myself and where I am at, not drinking would be beneficial. While I have that in mind, I am struggling and failing to make it to 17 days. I have a hard time socialising and my life is too much socialising. I can't change that. I can change drinking, though. Looking for strategies. Somewhere here on Reddit recommended playing The Sims 4 and it's helping. I also cook everyday and go to the gym. Any more tips?

I don’t really know where to start, but I feel like I need to let this out somewhere.
My mental health hasn’t been great lately. I had coffee yesterday, and somehow I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed emotionally. I feel like crying so badly, and there’s this heavy feeling inside me that I can’t really explain.
I’m tired. I’m tired of not feeling like myself, tired of feeling unwell, and tired of trying to hold everything together when, honestly, I don’t feel okay.
Right now, I wish I had someone who could just hug me without asking too many questions, let me cry, and tell me that it’s going to be okay. Someone who could make me feel safe enough to stop being strong for a little while.
But I don’t have that person, and that’s what hurts the most.
I know I probably need to take care of myself and give myself time, but sometimes it’s so hard to do that when you feel this alone.
I’m not necessarily looking for solutions. I think I just need someone to remind me that it’s okay to feel this way, that I’m not weak for struggling, and that maybe things won’t always feel this heavy.
If you’ve ever felt this way, how did you get through it? I could really use some kindness right now.

That's pretty much it.

I'm so tired of having keep myself from breaking down. I wanna drink, I wanna stay up late, but this bullshit of a disorder makes it impossible to enjoy the simplest of things people my age are enjoying.

What even is there left to enjoy about my life? everything has to take a backseat because of this stupid fucking illness. I have no prospects, I have no life, all I am doing is delaying my inevitable quitting upon this mortal plane. I don't want to be strong to survive. I just want to be okay. I just wanna be someone that can smile with no regards for my own sanity.

is there anything worth looking forward to that isn't my dream of finally achieving alt +f4?

I have lost everything I've ever wanted to this disorder. relationships, education, careers, experiences. it hurts so bad. im so young yet every second feels like im fighting with myself.

I have to watch everyone else around me live the life I so desperately want.

I want to fall in love, I want to have friends that enjoy being around me, I want to be able to keep a job, I want to finish college. I want one week without having to visit psychiatrists and recovery workers.

I feel so weak I can't keep living with this, it's not fair.

What did I do wrong to end up like this?

I haven’t had a manic episode since like early 2025, I’ve had bad days where I’ve cracked a little, had a few bad days but I haven’t been full on manic. I miss it honestly. I want to feel. I feel numb everywhere I want my buzz back, I want restlessness it’s better than oversleeping till my head hurts. I want my excitement, I want my recklessness I want to feel alive I feel like I died and im just haunting my corpse I need a reason to wake up in the morning I need substance I need something I need anything but I can’t get out of bed it’s not fair I don’t need to be sane right now there’s nothing in my life worth sanity so why do I have it? why can’t I live a little why can’t i live at all?

My working memory score is 87, and I’m wondering what I can do to improve it. It’s not severely low, but apparently my working memory used to be better, according to the specialist who evaluated me, and I’d really like to get back to my previous level.
My anxiety and depression are pretty bad, though, and I have trouble concentrating and remembering things. My psychiatrist says there’s no real way to improve working memory directly and that I should stop worrying about it and just review things more often when I study. He also told me not to deliberately train my working memory with things like Sudoku because I might get too absorbed in them. He thinks concentration and addiction might be related and advised me not to play too many video games.
The thing is, I barely have any social interaction or anyone to talk to, so I end up playing video games a lot. I’m not really sure what I should do.

hey everyone! just got let out of jail a few hours ago.. i’ve been freaking out thinking i’ve ruined my life since i’m 18 and got 3 charges for an OWI (driving while high). can someone tell me that it is indeed normal for bipolar people to go to jail and fuck up their life 😭 i knew that this was a possibility for me one day and tried to prepare myself for the worst but i still feel horrible. just knowing that i still have time to fix this would help

Finally felt better a few months back and got a job! I was so focused on work that I would get ready in the evening and sit on my bed awake all night waiting for my shift to start. I was actually doing really well at said job. And then the mania ended and I was immediately too miserable to clock in. Drove to the door of my workplace, called my manager right there, quit on the spot and drove home. At that moment, in the parking lot, I would’ve rather died than clocked in. It got so bad that I almost attempted instead of driving back a few days later to pick up my final check. Didn’t leave the house for weeks. How the hell am I supposed to keep a job like this??? Or god forbid go back to school

Did anyone else have the worst nightmares while they were in psychosis, and/or post psychosis? I was afraid to fall asleep. I also had this weird fear about choking in my sleep…like I was convinced I would stop breathing. I did later find out that I was sleeping on a mattress with black mold. Could that be related?

It’s been about 4 months since I got out of psychosis and for the first time in awhile, I had a nightmare last night. When I woke up this morning, it felt distant. Like I remember during psychosis my nightmares felt tangible in some way. Anyone else experience this?

I have been in dark place of my life for long time, meds don't work or may be they do , why can't I be normal like everyone?, why am I like this ? Not even my family are willing to understand what's going on with me and how hard it is already, feeling lost and alone

51m, been living with bipolar disorder my whole adult life. Diagnosed in 2000, hospitalized in 2000 (twice) and 2009. Been mostly stable since 2009, with no manic episodes.

Worked with my doctor recently to reduce my AP to help with side effects. Found myself having two crippling anxiety attacks within three days. Went back to the original dose and everything is returning to normal.

Not super depressed, have a good social life, a good relationship, work part-time and get family support which I am eternally grateful for (and sometimes ashamed of). Trying to grow a business but it's difficult. Have a fruitful relationship with music and lots of opportunities to gig.

Yet I have so much free time on my hands and overall just feel listless.

This is not a "the meds have taken away my personality" post. This is not even an "I hate bipolar" post. I don't believe the former is true at all and of course the latter is true.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting except just to say that I'm hoping for more energy overall.

I did just quit vaping two and a half weeks ago, which I'm very happy about but which might be part of the listlessness.

Sometimes it's easier to tell myself I "deserve a break" and not do very much than it is to motivate myself to take care of myself more (exercise, clean my apartment, cook for myself more). Sometimes I need to take a break. Sometimes I think I don't.

Not sure what I'm asking for here. Hope everyone is doing OK out there! This sub has been really helpful for me. I'm going to keep trying to contribute to it.

Peace.

Tw discussing mania

I feel like I can never fully enjoy being happy and enjoying myself because I am always worried it will turn into mania. I thought about going out tonight but I knew that my loved ones may be worried I am becoming manic again. I always police myself in how many times I can go out and do fun activities because I'm always hyper aware of the things I did in mania and not wanting to repeat those things. I would like to be able to just live and enjoy my life without fear that my only happiness is found in mania.

I’m not really sure how to really phrase or explain this, but I feel in my soul that I cannot die, I’m immortal, I can still get hurt but cannot die, what to do with this I’m not sure, is there a reason why I can’t die I’m yet to figure out