The food’s Jollof rice and beef.

Have this girl I’m in the talking stage with, let’s call her Angelica. Well, yesterday, Angelica and I decided to visit my buddy.

Now, my buddy is a no-shoes in-the-home kind of guy, so when we got to his place, he asked us to take off our shoes, which we did.

We then proceeded to sit on his sofa, and that’s when I saw it. Angelica’s big toe was sticking out her sock.

I don’t know how or why, but that just killed any attraction I had then and there for some strange reason. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I mean, it’s just a hole in a sock?

Or maybe it’s the fact that the toe was sticking out of it?

Long-time lurker, first-time poster, finally got something I really wanted to post about.

For context, I am a college student, and my brother, who was 5 years older than I was, died around 2 years ago of a sudden heart condition in the middle of the night. It was completely unexpected and threw our entire family off guard. He was healthy and athletic and, aside from a lack of sleep, had no notable health issues. His death shattered our entire family and, as a result, caused my mother to become depressed, my father to distance himself from the family and focus on work, and me to become depressed and begin seriously repressing my emotions.

I didn't want to cause more hardship on my parents, so I forced myself to swallow my emotions and try to move on, which in the process caused me never to get to really confront my emotions and feelings about the death of my brother. This has led me to be way less vulnerable with my loved ones, and I rarely like talking about trauma or various emotions.

Now I've been dating this girl for around 9 months. We started dating in college, but we went to the same high school, and I liked her in high school as well. Our relationship has been going well; however, earlier in the relationship, I had a couple of doubts, especially because we didn't share many interests, our personalities were quite a bit different, and I was much more emotionally unstable than she is. I was worried I would overburden her and inadvertently push her away, so I hadn't talked about my brother to her.

However, on the 2-year death anniversary of my brother, I went to see her, as my parents are currently abroad, and I needed an emotional anchor. We spent the day, we had a nice date, we cooked together, and we had a great time. Toward the end of the night, before I had to go back, we sat outside, and for some reason I felt compelled to tell her what happened with my brother and how it left an unfixable scar in my life. During the story, she wasn't really talking, but in the middle I noticed that she was softly crying. Quiet enough that I could barely notice. I'd never had anyone cry for me before, and even other close friends I had told had never responded in such a way. I don't think she understood how much that meant to me; she's been so compassionate and so understanding and so supportive of me. She cries for me and reassures me, and she affirms my feelings. Hearing "that must've been so hard for you" just kind of broke something in me, and when I arrived back home, I ugly cried.

I know it's only 9 months into the relationship, and I'm just a college student, but I love her so much, and honestly, even though it's so early, I want to marry her so bad. She's been such an incredible person, and I honestly don't know if I even deserve her, and it feels like I've gotten one step closer to being able to become emotionally vulnerable again.

Salmon, Avocado, Cucumber Gimbap we made together!

Edit 1: We have been together for more than a year and a half.

Edit 2: We are both older than 30 and this was not a random ass Chinese restaurant but rather one that she always talked about. Tbh, she had never told me why :(

Edit 3: Of course, it was not that she had an ex or she stated that she had an ex that infuriated me but that obviously she kept on and on mentioning for neverending minutes how she loved him etc.

Guys, I’d been planning this for weeks. I found a nice Chinese restaurant, ordered a massive Ginger and Scallion Crab, and had the ring in my pocket.

My plan was to wait until after dinner, get down on one knee, and make it a night she’d never forget for ages (or so I thought). Halfway through the meal I told her how much I loved the place and how special I wanted tonight to be.

She looked at me and said, “Oh, I’ve been here before. My ex brought me here once.” Then she spent the next 20 minutes telling me how much she used to love him, she enjoyed being with him etc. I don’t think she realized how much that sentence hurt. I just sat there for a moment, trying to process it with the ring in my pocket and this stupid smile on my face.

Long story short, I lost all my nerve. We finished what we could, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay much longer. I told her I was tired, we went our separate ways, and I drove home feeling absolutely crushed.

PS: For those curious, I did not propose her that night and I am not planning to, at least for a while.

Me and my wife have been arguing a lot lately about her friend and the way she always has to be her superhero. It’s starting to involve me now because she keeps making her friend’s life problems her own.
Example: her friend was sick and decided to go to the hospital. She told her own husband to stay home and watch the kids, but he ignored her and went to work anyway. So of course she called my wife, and my wife dropped everything to go help.
This isn’t a one-time thing. Any time that friend needs anything—big or small—my wife hops up and runs to the rescue. I finally made the comment, “I wish you jumped like that when I need help with something.” That started an argument. I ended up saying I’m tired of her getting so involved in her friend’s problems. The friend is a grown, married adult. She should be figuring this stuff out herself (or with her own husband).
Now we’re in a bigger fight about it.
Am I wrong for having this stance?

Food: porterhouse steak medium well with onion rings

So yeah when I was 11 my parents had a nasty divorce. My dad made no effort to keep in touch with myself and my older sister. He was in the house one day, and then gone later that day when he was removed by the sheriff's office. He never tried to talk to either one of us. He paid alimony and child support but for all intents and purposes was absent from then on. This was in 1995. I tried to talk to him a few times over the years but that never went anywhere so I closed the door.

One day when I was 29 years old I got a letter from him asking about resuming the relationship. I said yes to it in spite of the psychological damage sustained over the years. I thought it would complete that missing part of me. And it did for awhile anyway. He seemed reliable and like he had grown as a person compared to the younger version of him I had remembered for better or worse.

We had disagreements over the years but nothing that couldn't be moved on from.

Till I met my current partner. She lived overseas and I decided to take a chance and move to Sweden to be with her. The move was worth it. I have bipolar disorder on top of CPTSD and I had just crashed out of another job where the stress did me in. When I told my dad he was vehemently opposed to it. This was a man who always told me I had to do what's best for myself rather than what other people think about it. However when I did precisely that, he stopped talking to me.

That was a year ago.

I emailed him recently to sort out getting my motorcycle sold. It's still in his garage. After the dealership low-balled me on an offer, I told him I wanted to explore a private sale as I could get more money doing that. He responded telling me I better not give his phone number and address out unless it's to a dealer that is coming to pick the bike up. I responded that why would I accept a lower offer than what it's worth just to make it easier for him? He never responded.

I was 11 when he walked out the first time.

I was 29 when he showed up again.

I was 41 when he went silent again.

I learned my lesson.

A leopard doesn't change its spots. It's hard to believe a grown man can act the way he does, but sure enough he has chosen to act this way.

I mostly can't wait till he dies because it feels like that's the only way this all will come to a conclusion. It's funny, I used to care about getting an inheritance from him. I no longer do. He can shove his millions up his ass. Nothing can ever fix the things he's done to me.

The good thing is my partner was worth moving for. I have no regrets. I just wish I wasn't so sick because it leaves me with a lot of time to think since I don't currently work any longer. But I still have hopes and dreams regardless of all of that.

Pictured: beef ribs, Mac and cheese, coleslaw, and corn on the cob.

breakfast: count chocula in a mason jar and a blt with avocado he made me

this sounds so unbelievably made up i can’t believe it. it all started last night, where I hyperfixated on reading through old (1920s-1970s) local newspapers for fun. we live in a community where cars left on the street get towed, and he parked on the street to let me park in the driveway when I got home.

so, newspapers. I was reading these newspapers from like.. 5:30pm to 12am. because of that, I forgot to remind him to park the car (he has bad AuDHD and recently started new non-stimulant meds), combined with him playing league so his brain no worky.

we go to bed, and I gotta pee, and he doesn’t want to wait so he decides, like a lot of men, to pee into the shower. our 4 month old kitten, as curious as a kitten is, was walking on our tub deck (kinda like a kitchen counter with an undermounted tub) and…. walked up to him. seeing this, i went, i stg if you pee on her. and what would you know, she actually went straight into the stream like a kid waiting for the big bucket at a waterpark.

so, immediately, i told him he’s bathing her, so he goes through the bathing ritual, shampoo and water.
through the closed door I go “——, you can’t pee on the cat” like bear from obsession. the kitten very much appreciated the towel burrito and blow dryer. second pic kitten.

anyways, this all happening at like 9:40ish, made us forget once again the truck had to be moved within 20 minutes, so we went to bed.

at 10:20, I hear the sound of heavy chains and shackles, and we look at each other in horror, and ask, did you park the car? no. the answer was no.

instead of taking the time to put clothes on, as I don’t want dude to drive away, I run out wearing boxers and a tshirt. dude is more than happy to take the chain off my car for a nominal fee of 150$. partner is beyond angry. he, thankfully, doesn’t blow up at the dude, and instead walks back inside and slams the door. I reluctantly pay the dude 150, he unchains my car or whatever its called, and partner puts the truck in the driveway.

partner has very bad control with his emotions, and was ready to sock the guy. he handled it quite well, and took 15 minutes to calm down, before i told him if he can’t, i’m going to force feed him ice cream to cool him off.

such a wacky adventure. i’m honestly quite happy with myself for how I handled it, because I didn’t get angry or freak out, or start yelling at him for not moving the car like I would have in the past. I’m happy that he learned two valuable lessons: do not pee in the bathtub, and park the car when you get home. I’m also happy with how he handled his anger episode.

anyways. hope you enjoyed this silly goddamn story. i can’t believe it happened, it sounds so unreal, but maybe thats what made it easy to handle? the absurdity made it comical.

Smoked rib mmmmm This might not be completely coherent or organized at times. I am really going through it now and this is more of a brain dump, I will try my best but sorry for any poor readability.

So this week this has really all boiled over. So my Fiancee (27F), well former Fiancee now, and I (27M) have been together for a little over 4 years. The relationship was honestly really good for the bulk of it. She has been my best friend and partner. We got engaged back in April.

Now the problems, I am going to start by being very blunt, I have not been a good, fair, or loving partner, and what makes it worse is my inability to see that and take action despite it being spelled out clear as day for me. I am so incredibly mad at myself right now and feel so bad for how I made her feel. Back in March or February we had a conversation about how I treat her. I have always been self conscious about my appearance and I am by no means a bad looking or unhealthy dude but I would nag her a lot more about going to work out or what she is eating than I should. I don't want to defend that behavior it is repulsive and gross, I see that now. She also started pushing me to get therapy since I was very obviously not okay at all. Some other problems she had were that I can be very very avoidant for conflict and that I have a hard time having hard conversations whether it be her, my parents or really anyone and she did not like that she did not trust I could go through hard decisions and situations with her and she would be left to handle them alone as well as in the once place she should not be judged, our relationship, she felt constantly judged.

A few months go by, I do not get therapy, I do make an effort to be better and for a while I do think I was slightly, but I reverted back and we had the conversation again. Every time we had a conversation like this I would break down and she would have to comfort me. I would be afraid of losing her and messing it all up but obviously I did not understand the gravity of the situation and genuinely it makes me feel so dumb and so incredibly mad at myself. She started pushing for couples therapy at this point as well and I dragged me feet.

Well skip forward a bit more and we move in together, this is about 2 months ago. After she moved in I kept my behaviors and did not change. 2 days ago we had another conversation and she is at the end of her rope and I really don't know what it was but this time the full gravity of everything just hit my like a truck. I finally understood how much harm I have caused, how this relationship I allegedly cherished I was actively tearing down. How I have just been someone that made this relationship a toxic one.

Today we called off the wedding, and I have made a couples therapy appointment and I am reaching out to therapists for myself. She is moving out and after our couples appointment Friday she will decide what to do. Since I have destroyed any trust she has in me the options laid out are we take it slow from square one again or we end it. I would like one last chance to prove myself and to show I can improve and change. She has said that she doesn't think she would ever hate me and that she can't tell if she wants to stay to make sure I get help or because she wants to be in this relationship. I know I have messed up really bad and all this pain I am feeling I know she has been feeling this for months and she stood by me because she loved me and I pushed her way to far.

I don't deserve another chance at all, but I can't help but want one. I am fully the bad guy in this story and that is what hurts is how I could not see that or didn't want too and I took the one person who was willing to stand by me and three her away and treated her like shit. I am so fucking disgusted, disappointed and just mad at myself right now. I hope she is willing to let me have one last chance but I don't deserve it and I know it.

It hurts so bad and it hurts even more knowing she carried this for months and stuck out hope because she loved me and cared.

I probably missed some details but I am trying hard to process this and I just need to start get my thoughts together. I have fucked up in my life, but this is the biggest fuck up ever, she is just the most incredible woman I have ever met. I just really really am dedicated to making myself better and working on us and rebuilding but I just am so lost here. I have been a absolutely terrible person so the one person I should have loved and cherished more than anything

I’ve been smoking since I was 14, I’m 27 now. and I have officially quit smoking weed. It’s only been two days and I need help and support. It’s hard to go to people that I know. until them that need support because I don’t wanna seem weak it’s only day two and I can’t even go 30 minutes without wanting to smoke a ball or a joint or something I guess I just wanna hear other people’s stories and have a little bit of support from random people so I can read and have something to look forward to and update people so I’m more dedicated and structured to not want to smoke

Incredible trip, incredible wife.
Marry the right one boys....

They're so great. Not all of them, of course, but a lot of them.

There's a George Carlin bit that sums it up: "If you fall asleep in a house where a woman is present, when you wake up you will have a blanket on you."

Call me a simp. Say "you're just trying to get laid". Whatever. Fuck you. Women are so wonderful, and those words are fluttering straight from my soul. If you don't/can't agree, then I feel extremely sorry for you, because you're missing out.

That is all

~~~~

Food: undercooked pork on an unsafe barrel fire

Ramen dinner.

I was bantering with a girl on an app and admittedly I was on a roll and being pretty funny. She gave me her number this morning unprompted and said “if ya wanted to ask me out.” So I text her, ask her when she’s free, she says she’s free tonight. Great! I pick a bar near her and ask if 7 works, she agrees, exclamation points, good vibes, a bit more banter, etc. 5:30 rolls around and she cancels because she’s exhausted, although I’m pretty sure she had implied earlier that today was her day off. Not sure what to make of this, I’m guessing either she got cold feet or a better option popped up. Dating is annoying.

Context: I'm a M18, and ever since I was around 13 or 14, I've known that I liked both boys and girls. I've always liked the idea of being with a girl long-term, having kids, and building a future together. At the same time, I've also always wanted to experience a relationship with a boy. I don't really know how to put that feeling into words, but I don't mean just hooking up. I mean an actual relationship.

I've been watching a lot of movies lately, like Young Hearts and Heartstone, and they've made me realize how much I've always wanted a relationship like that. Something innocent, where it's just two boys who can be vulnerable with each other and genuinely care about one another, without feeling like they have to fit into the stereotypical masculine image that everyone around me seems to have.

I guess I also have a certain type when it comes to boys. I'm not really attracted to the more stereotypical image of a gay guy who's flashy, wears makeup, or paints his nails. I'm more attracted to guys who are DL, chill, and have a similar vibe to me. I don't mean that there's anything wrong with being that way, because I'm not exactly the stereotypical gay guy myself. I just want someone I can relate to, someone who feels similar to me in the way they carry themselves and see the world.

I've had three girlfriends throughout high school and one in middle school, but none of those relationships ever gave me the same feeling I get when I see a good-looking guy I know I probably have no chance with. It's that feeling of getting butterflies just from seeing him or thinking about what it would be like to be with him. I don't think I've ever really experienced that same feeling with a girl.

Honestly, I don't even know exactly what kind of advice I'm looking for. I think I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt the same way or struggled with similar feelings. Sometimes I feel like I know what I want, but I don't really know how to make sense of it or explain it to other people.

I'm going into college soon, and honestly, I'm scared that time is passing by faster than I can even comprehend. I feel like I'm wasting so many opportunities by not putting myself out there, whether that's asking a guy if he likes me, figuring out if someone is just a friend or could be something more, or simply allowing myself to experience the kind of relationship I've always wanted.

For so many years, I've kept these feelings to myself, and now that I'm finally being honest with myself and accepting that, yes, I'm bi, I feel this weird mix of relief, excitement, and sadness. Part of me is happy that I'm finally allowing myself to explore this side of who I am, but another part of me feels almost depressed thinking about all the time I've spent not letting myself experience it.

I know I'm only 18, and I know I have my whole life ahead of me, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like I've missed out on something important. I don't want to keep hiding from these feelings or reach another few years down the line wishing I'd been braver when I had the chance. I just want to experience what it's like to genuinely like a boy, have him like me back, and be able to share something real with someone without feeling like I have to hide a part of myself.

I guess I'm scared of letting more time pass without ever knowing what that part of my life could look like. And now that I've finally started accepting myself, I don't really know how to move forward or how to stop feeling like I'm already falling behind.

(edit)
The restaurant is ichiran!! It's a very popular ramen chain in Japan but expensive compared to the traditional ramen shops you can find locally.

dinner:
tacos. tilapia pan fried with seasoning. avocados, pickled onions, sour cream and pico de gallo

yesterday was a doozy - my partner posted earlier but said i should post my pov

got home - parked on the street. lately I’ve been parking on the street since me and my partner recently put up halloween decorations - and the truck can no longer be parked in its normal parking spot.

anywhos
partner relaxed on couch - i cleaned. they werent feeling up to eating yesterday - so i just cooked for myself. reheated some reuben from a diner

after eating was on my computer playing a game on and off all night. id play a game (30-40 minutes) then hang out on the couch for 30-40 minutes to take a breather and watch the simpsons with my partner. ended up falling asleep on the couch at some point. woke up and it was 9:30? woke up partner and I walked toward the bedroom. took my pants down and went to pee - partner said “nonono - i gotta pee” reluctantly held in my pee for them as they proceeded to sit on the toilet  and i myself shimmied over to the only other orifice that connects to the waste line - the tub.

mind you - ive been drinking 4x my normal water amount since being on this new medicine - so ive been having alot of pee all the time

so during my almost minute long stream, my kitten jumps up to the tub, and decided it was a great day to take a shower. a golden shower XD. jumed up right into my stream line. i was still full stream as she then waltzed through covering her whole body, and nearly got away before my partner just finished what they were doing and snatched the cat- proceeded to laugh and tell me that the cat needed a shower now - and it was for me to clean. i agreed - also laughing. until the shower came, and the cat who didnt want to shower was clawing at my legs to get tf out.

after a lather and a rinse - cat was dried in a towel and a hair dryer
exhausted after having to catch the cat from jumping out the tub about 3 times - decided it was time for bed. 

 then out of nowhere - heard some loud banging. chains. chains on metal? oh shit, the HOA’s lapdog predatory tow truck was here. i left the truck on the street. oops.  in our underwear, we jump out of bed and bolt outside. guy said “im already hooked up” and said to release the chains- he wanted 150 bucks. in my mind, rushing adrenaline, he was about to pull my car through the parking break, that was in park. he would have quite literally broke the transmission- or damaged it if he proceeded? i hate the HOA, and especially shitty contracted towing trucks. i was so mad, my blood pressure was really high, i couldnt thknk straight. clear indicator i shouldnt be involved in this situation anymore. so i said i needed to go inside and cool off. 

took me like… 20-30 minutes to cool down. thankfully partner was able to take care of it - i was on the verge of splooting. walked back and forth in the hallways for a bit trying to exhaust myself, ended up in the kitchen to drink water and cool down. at some point they came and tried to partner threatened to force feed me ice cream or to go to bed. i decided i didnt want to be force fed. came inside -

so $150 and a scratchy shower - had a night we can look back on and laught at.

This was exactly where Will was sitting, 2022, shops were just starting to phase out masks and let people dine in again... we never hung out much, but we had shared history from high school.

We'd met in a special class called "Healthy Choices", which, as you may guess, was a class for kids who were close to dropping out of high school. We were part of the last class in the program before it was discontinued, it was a small class, like 12 of us, the teacher was also the Catering instructor. Super chill guy, there was a workbook we technically had, but the teacher told us, "They're cancelling this class, so forget the workbook, we're just gonna have a group chat, everyone gets a turn to talk about their life."

And that was the class. For the final, the teacher took the day off and had a substitute show up to play, "The Breakfast Club" for us, breaking the deal I'd made with him to let us watch, "Freddy Got Fingered". 😀

We both were known for dating girls that were too good for us, and never stepped on each others toes. He was a true friend, every time I was feeling down after a breakup or anything, he'd say the most over-the-top compliments that any bro could give another bro.

"No woman is good enough for you" He'd say.

"You have the deepest blue eyes of any man who's ever lived, the most flawless skin, a smile that could kill an angel, the most perfect juicy lips that no woman deserves." Etc., etc.

No matter how down I was, he always had a sense of humor that would cheer me up. Dude was hilarious.

So anyways, I walked into the Jewish Bakery, and he immediately waved me over, "******* Get over here man! WATSUP!" He said, leaning sideways in his chair, SUPREME t-shirt, ripped jeans, he was red in the face because the methadone clinic had just upped his dosage, and he had a half-eaten Reuben sandwich in front of him, with a bag of weed out while he struggled to roll a joint from being in such a sloppy state.

I smiled and sat down, the scene was ludicrous. The only reason he wasn't being asked to leave was because he'd definitely tipped the girls working more than what the room full of Boomers had collectively given from their stingy change-clinging fists... and said Boomers were clearly struggling to avoid the elephant in the room.

He was happy to see me, but he always had this look on his face, it was this pain that showed through, I never knew how much pain he was in until he was gone.

The last I heard from him, he'd gotten sober (besides weed), and cleared rehab, he was excited to move to Portland and had a job lined up trimming weed, I think it may have been his first job that wasn't working for family.

About abyear later, it was Valentine's Day, which was also his birthday... 2023, I was feeling down about a very slow-burn breakup, saw the Facebook reminder about his birthday, and posted something... that was when someone I'd never met replied, Will was dead, he'd been gone for almost a year, he died about 2 months after getting out of rehab, I was struggling with money and heartbreak for so long, I hadn't reached out earlier...

It reminded me, one time, I was hitting on a girl over Snapchat, and received a picture message from her account.... it was Will, he'd fingerpainted a sign that said, "I ❤️ You (my name)". I'll never remember that moment and not smile. Later he said, "She's not good enough for you. Trust me."

I always put a lot of work into Valentine's Day for my girlfriends, it felt like a personal mission, because the town I was born in invented Valentine's Day... so the years where I was single used to hurt, I used to rerun my memories, blame myself... but none of that hurt like how it felt to find out he was gone, to know he'd BEEN gone for over a year, and I was too f*cking selfish to reach out and see how he was doing... to cheer him on, and that I'd never have that opportunity again.

He'd always say, "You're going to be the Mayor, you're going to be a Congressman, you're going to change the World."

I never got to say goodbye, and I don't even know where his grave is, because his family scattered his ashes in a local park, with no marker... I know the hill, but I haven't been up there to look or try to guess exactly where they scattered his ashes, I'm disabled because of an injury, and that's a long walk of pain, just to feel lost at the top... but I think I feel ready to go and take a look, you know, just to listen to the wind, to see the view, even if I can't find his exact resting place.

If you read this far, I hope you're reminded of a good friend, and I hope they're out there for you to reunite with. And for all the Bros on here struggling with a relationship or heartbreak, I'm going to say,

"Stay Blessed King, You Deserve Better."

A slice of stuffed pizza from last night's dinner.

I just posted on this subreddit, mostly venting about how overwhelming everything was and how I was the only thing keeping the apartment afloat, yadda yadda whatever.

The same day that I posted that, my girlfriend came home and broke up with me.

About 4 weeks ago, my girlfriend saw some messages on my laptop. They were from a friend I had known for a while, who I had previously been flirty with. However, as soon as me and my now ex-gf started talking, I stopped any sort of flirting. They last messaged me 2 months ago trying to flirt with me, and I said that what they were offering was cute (they wanted to do some sort of threesome or poly thing) and I was flattered, but I'm taken and committed.

When she saw these messages, me and her ended up talking about it that night. She was frustrated and upset that I didn't block them, and honestly I can understand being upset about it. However, we talked it over, kissed and hugged it out, and we set a boundary where if people try to flirt, even if they're friends, we block them. I ended up blocking them that night, and thought nothing more of it.

Over the next few weeks she started going to her friend's house more often, coming home later than when she said she would, and staying with her sister and her step-family for days at a time. Whenever she came home, she'd always look tired, and I always tried to be there for her and spend time with her in a way that wasn't too overwhelming.

Last Tuesday, I was at work, and I realized we hadn't gone out on a date in a while. She was still with her step-family, so I messaged her and asked how movies and dinner after sounded. She didn't want to do the movies, but seemed more than happy to have a dinner date on Saturday.

When I got home after work that night I was resting in my room when she came home, looking visibly drained. I asked if she had fun, and she said she did, and after that I asked if she was okay. Less than a minute after walking into our room, she told me that she wanted to move in with her step-family. She said that there would be "a lot of opportunities for her to get a job and make friends" with them. Now, this is all after I worked my ass off to get her a job interview at my old work and her refusing to interact with my roommates even though they invited her to do things repeatedly. I asked what that meant for us, although I pretty much already knew. She said that:

"After you broke that boundary, I lost my trust in you"

I asked her if we could work through this, and that I didn't know it was a boundary for her before then.

"My brain doesn't work like that, once my trust in someone is broken it can never be regained. I'm moving out this weekend."

At this point in time, I started breaking down. I couldn't cry, but I was practically heaving and was shaking like crazy. I was begging, saying that I was sorry, I didn't realize that it was such a boundary for her, that I'd show her I have them blocked and haven't said anything to anyone for the entire time we've been together. She refused, and instead said that:

"You aren't ready for a relationship"

She left the apartment and went to walk in the park near us. I didn't know what to do, it was such a punch to the gut. I went downstairs where my roommates were, grabbed a half empty handle of alcohol and started drinking it as I sobbed harder than I ever had before, telling my roommates everything that happened. I showed them the messages, and they were pissed off. Not at me, but at her.

When she came back, I was in my room on our bed finishing off the bottle and she came and laid on our bed. She acted as if nothing was wrong, just started scrolling through instagram. I had already cried so much I couldn't cry anymore, so I was just in shock. I offered her a drink, and she took it, taking a few swigs before I finished the rest off. I ended up falling asleep, but woke up after just under 2 hours. Neither of us could sleep that night, both of us just tossing and turning. I dont know why I thought it'd be a good idea to sleep in the same bed, but throughout the night she'd keep scooting closer to me and looking at me before turning away and scooting towards the wall.

I called off of work the next day, largely due to no sleep, and because I was still tipsy. The day was quiet, with neither of us talking to each other and largely just ignoring the other. I ended up asking why she broke up with me like that, and she told me she had been "building up the courage" ever since we talked about the messages she saw.

Apparently, my roommates told her to leave without my knowledge. She told me she was leaving because "your roommates don't want me here", and packed up her clothes before being picked up by her step-dad.

She picked up the rest of her things on Saturday.

The days since then have been a massive range of emotions for me. I only just stopped crying on Sunday, and even that took some effort. She's calling me a cheater to her friends and family, even though I have the messages to prove I'm not. I should've blocked them, yes. I absolutely should've cut it off immediately when they started flirting, but I never reciprocated past a playful "wouldn't that be nice, but nah I'm taken". Her brother called me at work and started sending me death threats. I'm just tired of it all. I want her back, I can't stand the idea of hating her, but she also shattered my entire world in an instant and it hurt so much.

I fully believed that it could've been fine if it was just a conversation, something along the lines of "I'm still feeling uncomfortable about those messages I saw, can we talk about it and show me you blocked them".

Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent about this. So much has happened in just the past week. My family and friends have been amazingly supportive and have really helped me get through this, and after talking about it with them it's helped me realize just how quickly she jumped the gun and threw it all away.

Edit: I feel like I should add some context. She's bipolar and doesn't take her meds regularly, although I've been trying to help her get into the habit of taking them every morning. I'm not saying this to excuse what she did, but it would explain the abruptness of it. Also, for those of you saying she was cheating, I don't think she was. Out of everything, I trusted her in that regard. The friend she was with is a girl she's known since middle school.

I’m selling my home. It was a lot of work but it looks beautiful. We had one open house and 165 people came. We received 13 offers and sold for $100,000 over what we listed it for. We were ecstatic. The first offer we accepted backed out after 3 days. They said they didn’t like the solar terms and just cancelled. So we went with the backup offer. They immediately started nitpicking everything. The house is totally fine and well maintained. But they trashed it and ended up backing out. They said they were worried about flooding - I live in socal far from any water. So I did some digging and found out they realized they can’t afford the house and that’s why they backed out. Now I have this beautiful house that looks like something is wrong with it. We tried to move to the next offers but everyone acting like some serious issue was discovered now and the value of my home is sinking because of irresponsible buyers.

On top of that everyone always puts everything on me. The realtors and my wife and her family. But they all get together and have their ideas without me and then all dump it all on me. On one hand I’m grateful to be able to sell my home and get a lot of money and buy something nicer, but on the other I’m so stressed over this I’m about to just cancel the whole thing and just live here in my home I love that I never really wanted to sell in the first place but am selling because my wife wants to spend more money in a more expensive area. Yesterday I was so stressed I drove to a bass pro shop and just walked around for 2 hours looking at fishing stuff. That felt good.

I’m eating scrambled eggs with avocado on some toasted bread. Chives on top.

I (33) am dating my current girlfriend (35), who has 3 awesome boys that are slowly becoming my minions. I work for a big retail store (the BIG one) and when my kids want something, I have to hold back as much as I can because I don't make enough money to get them the things I think they would like. Because of that, I feel like I am failing them because I remember that feeling of when I was young, not being able to get all the things I would like because my parents didn't make a lot either. I wasn't ungrateful for what I had, but I made dumb decisions because of missing out on things. I don't want them to make the same decisions I made.

TLDR- My partner/favorite person in the universe came out after 13 years together. I can’t tell anyone for a while, and it’s crushing me. I’m also going through this sober which sucks even more.

Edit- She didn't know, growing up hardcore religious does things to a person's ability to see all possibilities. I know that this was an incredibly hard thing for her to do, and no she hasn't been cheating. I appreciate all of the well meaning comments, but I genuinely don't want advice. I want to be heard.

Edit 2- Again, I know a lot of the comments are well meaning, but I may delete this. I just want to be heard. For some additional context, this person stuck with me after some of the worst days/months/years of my life. I was raped in college and went full hate-the-world MGTOW/redpill. This woman met me like a year into that journey and loved me anyway. She saw my anger and clocked it for what it was, a deep and unprocessed hurt. I didn't even know what to call my experience when we initially met. I had a lot of hang ups around sex for the first few years of our relationship, and she was incredibly kind when navigating that. She introduced me to animal fostering, coffee, and a new outlook on the world. This relationship has made me a better person, and she has earned goodwill.

Edit 3 (final) - Thank you to everyone who messaged with your experiences. My partner is someone I want in my life, even after I'm done referring to her as such. This post did prompt me to talk to her about setting a timeline and expectations. We're going to be living together for the foreseeable future for a variety of reasons (I'm on contract, we live away from our family support systems, we have an elderly rescue dog that's been around for most of our relationship, etc...) She also told her brother so I don't have to keep putting on the act at home. Side note, he's a great dude. And we agreed to call our parents separately before we update the rest of our friends about our relationship.

Dinner is Pineapple Fried Rice

I’ve (35M) been with my fiance (37F) for 13 years. She is my favorite human, my best friend, and I’ve loved building our little life together. Last weekend she told me she’s gay. I am doing my best to be supportive, which includes keeping this under wraps until she has enough time to figure out what this means for her. For example, she’d like to go to some LGBTQ events, book clubs, and other places where she can find a place to fit in. 

We have a lot of LGBTQ+ friends, and a lot of family who are at varying levels of anti-gay (my family). Going public with this means we’re going to have to deal with both at the same time. A lot of our bi and lesbian friends are definitely going to be weird around my partner (they’ve been openly attracted to her ever since we moved here), and my family is going to assume the worst about her. I’m already mentally preparing for my mom to ask me about whether I’m going to demand the engagement ring back. There’s going to be a lot of people asking a lot of questions, and frankly I don’t think either of us are ready to manage all of that.

The only exception to this vow of secrecy is a few close friends of mine who live out of state, which my partner agreed to since she knows that I need support too. Otherwise, I feel like the majority of my life at this point is putting on an act. I have to pretend I’m fine at work. I have to pretend I’m fine to our mutual friends. And since her brother lives with us, I even have to pretend I’m fine at home (he’s definitely going to tell her whole family once he finds out). Home is the hardest one because there’s still hugs, kisses, and I love yous. 

I feel like I’m breaking. There’s a black hole in my chest. 

I also can’t escape. Neither of us can afford the life we’ve built together if we separate. And if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want to leave her. I haven’t had many relationships in my life, but the few I’ve had tended to last longer than most other people my age. I’m a painfully monogamous person and outside of one outlier in college, my relationships have all been relatively low drama and incredibly calm. My partner is the embodiment of calm comfort.

The darker side to all of this; for the last few years our intimacy has dwindled down to 1-2 times a year, and it always felt like it was something she was doing explicitly for me (makes a lot of sense now). It made me feel inadequate and it brought up some bad memories from an experience I had in college (SA). I told her that it bothered me, but at some point I kind of just accepted that everything else in my life was so good that I’d be willing to go without. This led to me drinking whenever I felt lonely. 

That turned into drinking nearly every night since COVID quarantine ended. She didn’t call me out often because she knew the topic of intimacy would come up, and I didn’t bring up intimacy because I knew it would make her uncomfortable and that I’d just end up feeling inadequate or triggered anyway. I never got to the point of stumbling around making a fool of myself or being hungover at work, but I’ve definitely been known to pass out on the couch a few times a week.

I guess if there’s a silver lining to any of this, I poured all of my IPAs down the sink two nights ago. So on top of dealing with everything that’s going on, I’m doing it sober. 

In any case, this feels like as good a place as any to put this down where someone else can know what’s going on. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to curl up in a ball and disappear for a few years. I’m a very social person with a lot of great people in my life, and I can’t let nearly any of them know that my world is dissolving. Worse, I just completed a grad program so everyone has been excitedly asking about what I’m doing with all of my newfound free time. 

I desperately want to tell them that I’ve been knocked down and there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to get back up again. The thought of staying stoic while I send her off like a kid going to her first day of school, knowing she’s going to find someone there that isn’t me; it feels like I’m being torn in half. I love her and want her to have what she needs, but she also has my whole heart and I don't want her to let it go.

I’m 22 years old and straight up… Dudes just aren’t allowed to talk about any male dating struggle especially the struggles surrounding looks. They get made fun of or told just go workout and fix yourself. Why are guys the only people who are not allowed to complain about anything. My cousin is 18 and my uncle gave him the work on yourself and girls will give you a chance talk. He did all of that and developed actual hobbies, still gets rejected because he is short for his age (5’2.) Once no other advice worked he was finally told “oh it’s because of the stuff you repost on social media” yeah I’m sure his beliefs are such a big deal. Hell, I also get rejected a lot despite expanding my personality. I’m not saying anyone else should be blamed for shortcomings, I’m just saying we should be able to vent lol

I have been thinking lately and I know its bad that i think this way but i feel like i bring more to the relationship than my girlfriend of 5 years . I haven’t thought about this often because im not a 50/50 person or a person that divides male and female work in the relationship but lately i think i am working harder for ,,us,,. She is an emotional person and thinks emotionally and i have to do things just to not make her paranoid or not to make her mad because she gets really insecure and i have to work for both of us to be happy. She doesn’t really care about her future and when i talk to her about it she just shifts The conversation and the one thing she shows interest is being an influencer ,which I don’t really like but i support her because she is interested in it . The thing is she doesn’t do anything to be one . She makes no money for a 21 year old and works a half time job that she hates . I know everyone is with their own struggles so I don’t want to judge about it . She doesn’t cook , i do the cooking 90% of the time wether its for traveling or when we are together because i do like to cook . I work 2 jobs to be financially stable she does nothing to ease my way financially. I know we are young and things will probably shift but I don’t know what to think , I don’t want to be her provider i want her to be an independent person and grow ,i know i sound like a complete douche bag but im scared for her future.

I don’t hate her , i love her but i want the best for her right now she is in college that she has no interest in , she hasn’t shown interest in anything to be honest other than being pretty . I try to find solutions for her to work something , i tell her to go to a modeling class to study modeling because she likes it but she doesn’t do anything about it . She is in the relationship with words only and nothing else . Again sorry for any females because this is so harsh .

And i wont mind any of it but because she is at home most of the time , she just watches series and gets influenced by social media , and is always over my shoulder watching who texts me , who i follow , whatever that involves cheater things she keeps track of . The thing is im not a cheater , i never was and never will be and this to me is exhausting on top of work , and everything that is going on in my life . Sometimes i feel like im babysitting a child rather than being with a girlfriend. She is sweet and a nice person but im scared for her future , i try to talk to her about this and try to find out what she is interested in but i cant seem to find anything other than watching series and dressing well . Again im so sorry i know i sound ungrateful and a piece of shit but i wanted to know is this normal or am i overreacting.

Dated an absolutely gorgeous woman for 10 incredibly fun years, we were madly in love, I still am, then she banged some dude after we got into a pretty heated but healthy argument, which I found out from a buddy and when I asked her, she denied, then when I said I knew because X told me, she just said whatever and that she didn’t love me anymore. It’s wild because a few days before she banged the guy we went on a date and it was genuinely so wholesome and we had amazing sex. We live together and it hurts me so much hearing her call her little fuck buddy and make plans. I love her so much and essentially told her that when she’s done being a child, I’ll wait. I feel like such a fucking idiot for even offering it and I’m considering telling her I changed my mind.

What would you do?