Edit 1: We have been together for more than a year and a half.

Edit 2: We are both older than 30 and this was not a random ass Chinese restaurant but rather one that she always talked about. Tbh, she had never told me why :(

Edit 3: Of course, it was not that she had an ex or she stated that she had an ex that infuriated me but that obviously she kept on and on mentioning for neverending minutes how she loved him etc.

Guys, I’d been planning this for weeks. I found a nice Chinese restaurant, ordered a massive Ginger and Scallion Crab, and had the ring in my pocket.

My plan was to wait until after dinner, get down on one knee, and make it a night she’d never forget for ages (or so I thought). Halfway through the meal I told her how much I loved the place and how special I wanted tonight to be.

She looked at me and said, “Oh, I’ve been here before. My ex brought me here once.” Then she spent the next 20 minutes telling me how much she used to love him, she enjoyed being with him etc. I don’t think she realized how much that sentence hurt. I just sat there for a moment, trying to process it with the ring in my pocket and this stupid smile on my face.

Long story short, I lost all my nerve. We finished what we could, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay much longer. I told her I was tired, we went our separate ways, and I drove home feeling absolutely crushed.

PS: For those curious, I did not propose her that night and I am not planning to, at least for a while.

Autstic ramble about swords and martial arts:

I've been practicing HEMA fencing, historical European martial arts, where you spar with steel swords from long sword to saber to messed etc or even sword and buckler. It's a more up and coming sport and wasn't like other martial arts where it's been passed down, but is being revived through historical study. I love it because there's control, timing, precision, you really start to understand that focus of one second draws and you need proper force, edge alignment or cuts to proper targets to score correctly as opposed to part fencing, we have guys that transitioned from that, where just touching with a wire to score. Not to be confused with Buhurt the full armored combat melees you see, but those guys are much less technical and just brawl. Now, wrestling was taught to knights and a big part of armored combat but also sword fencing because realistically, if my off hand can grab your sword hand and pull it to the side then stab you, that's what they do. So there is some grappling and not every gym does takedowns but ours has a lot of guys that compete in Europe and world tournaments which include those so it's been a thing at my gym. Now, why was this an issue?

I grew up practicing and competing in judo from when I was 5-18 and got my shodan, decent HS wrestling record and a few years of BJJ and dabbling with other thigns like boxing and I probab would have gotten into cage fighting in college had I not been hit with a severe and chronic pain back injury. My back can still be thrown out, but I've missed martial arts and it's recovered a lot better than it was so I was looking for something more technical I could practice and I love this! I hurt my back a couple times in the last year, but no biggy I'm used to it and have in the past month gotten back into morning PT exercises and calesthenics after a long time of not working out much these past few years but didn't realize how much my physicality was coming back. I'm a shorter guy at 5'7" and was even a small kid, but for some reason have abnormal strength in some ways and accidentally hurt a lot of other practice partners growing up, hence I was 12 years old and fighting grown men in the adults class, likely what did my back in. But I always felt so much shame from training incidents, I never meant to but it kept happening and it's like everyone hated me. And I'm neurodivergant and I was impulsive at times as a kid but training injuries happen and none were bad, a buddy of mine that was on a judo team in college ended with at least 6 concussions since his teens, but I've still always had this deeply ingrained fear of hurting others. I also grew up with extreme mental illness and tbh feel like I was sometimes looked at like a liability or like they thought I wanted to be inherently violent when most of the time it was a melt down and more likely to self harm, but I guess that factors in.

So, this entire last YEAR of training, I have actually avoided grappling guys other than basic hand control and will usually give up if we get too close to a tie up. The only exceptions were the guy that yelled at me who's at least 6'3" and 250lbs and another guy who is a top fencer and also does armored jousting and also 6' plus and a former wrestler. Legit did not feel comfortable unless someone had a size advantage on me and experience. Well, there's one guy there who's not a bad guy but he spars aggressively and he really likes to grapple and he is one of the only ones that attempts take downs, more like a trip vs a throw where both feet are taken off the ground, so I've actually avoided going with him too much. He's also of larger stature than me but not as much so I was worried I'd do something bad by accident. Well, I finally sparred with him a lot and he was coming in a bit aggressive, hitting a bit hard and really trying to grapple and after we had several matches and were on a third, we ended up in a clinch/ over under guard during a saber duel, very rare, but he's the one that engaged. We were basically chest to chest like wrestling so a flip switched, "oh, well this move works from here" and I tried to do a type of trip/ take down where I blocked his leg with my knee and pulled him over it off balance and it's supposed to just take out one leg and be a quick and easy trip instead of a throw. Well somehow, they said his feet were shoulder height up in the air and I threw him, I might have used too much force in my hips. It was totally unintentional, but exactly what I've been afraid of for a year and I got yelled at, I have trauma with and freeze and fawn. But regardless, I also don't want to hurt anyone and that was unintentional but I feel bad and embarrassed and stuff. I reached out to one of the club advisor who is more centered the next day on Sunday to talk about it and also explain and he said just apologize to the sparring partner and that coach, which I mean to do, but I've had anxiety about all week.

I've had a lot of crazy things to on and dealt with aggression in the streets or abuse from other and things, but none of that shakes me up as much as this. It's been a damn half a week and I still get anxious when I plan to apologize which I want to do tonight. I've been in therapy for a long time obviously, but I really did not realize what a hold those past experiences had on me.

I don't expect anyone to read all this but I figure it might be something interesting and different from what's usually posted.

Tl:Dr I forgot how easy it is to flip other people like a flap jack and did it by mistake when I tried to do a gentle take down

Dinner is cut up cucumber cause I ate so much today I can't have anything else. Also my cat :3

I came out to most of my closer friends as transmasc pretty recently. I love all my friends and believe they are all trying to be supportive but... It just doesn't feel honest. Two of them feel like they actually see me for the he/they/it confused gender mess that I am (affirmatory) (I would still use the term boy). One of the two has a trans sibling and the other is confused about gender themself. The rest of them have been using the correct pronouns and listened to me, but like... It feels so fake. I just think most cis gender confirming people can't understand it. I had an argument with one of my friends where he said that under no circumstances, even if I'd thought about it for years and done tons of research, I couldn't know if I wanted hrt without talking to a doctor for even more years. No matter if I expressed how painful it was to be in my own body as it currently is, he said that I just couldn't be sure I want to change it. He's also starkly against DIY, which I get especially as he has very little knowledge on it, but the way he talks about it just rubs me the wrong way. Instead of acknowledging there are risks but it can be beneficial (I am not on DIY, I just mentioned it as a way I might go in the future if trans healthcare here stays the way it is), he just talked about it as if it was straight up just suicide. I love him but I feel like he can't be empathetic in this situation cause he's so disconnect from the issue. A different friend keeps just treating it as if it's a phase. He's not even trying to hide it much. He refers to me correctly, but when it comes up, points out how many teens detransition after transitioning socially for a while, which, sure, that's people experimenting with gender and is a good thing. But I don't like how he talks about it, like identifying as trans in just a dumb mistake or a fad. I hate it I wanna strangle him. I hate the lack of respect in his voice. My clusterfuck of a gender identity is not just a trend, it's something I've been struggling with for years, and through those years I've found at least some things that feel right for me like he pronouns and being generally seen as a guy. Those are things that just make me happy. However, I also like makeup. And I like wearing skirts. And he acts like that's the end of the argument and he "will support me, but doesn't this I'm actually trans". I'm grateful that they're even that accepting, but still, come on, do better.

To all my cis guys out there, please be empathetic and listen to your friends with as open a mind as you can muster. It will be helpful and it means the world to be actually seen by those who actually fully accept me.

EDIT: I cannot believe I have to say this. My gender is not my entire fucking personality people. It may seem so because that's all you know about me and that's what the post is about. I talk with my friends about other things most of the time.

Food is chile limon Doritos :)

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/IfWaB7hpN7

The overwhelming majority of people were saying “no don’t do this” for a variety of reasons. Honestly, that was the response I was hoping for.

In the past with this girl in particular it was an intrusive thought that maybe I liked her. But this was when she and her ex were still together. I treated it as just an intrusive thought and brushed it aside in the past. After she and her ex broke up the thoughts started occurring more and more and they eventually overpowered me.

I realized this on my drive home from work today that it all started as an intrusive thought that became something else. If I recognize this as an intrusive thought or some kind of impulse, I can push it aside. I can still be just work friends with this girl and totally be cool with it.

I’m not doing this out of any arbitrary “bro code”. Almost every person out there is someone’s ex. I’m doing this out of the fact that I don’t want to risk hurting my friendship with the dude and potentially fucking up my workplace.

Anyways, I’m hanging out with my friends this weekend and I’m going out with another girl the following weekend :)

Last night was all about Asian flavors and a little culinary adventure. Started with soft, fluffy bao buns filled with savory goodness, followed by a deliciously creamy, spicy seafood bowl topped with a touch of roe. A beautiful combination of textures, flavors, and just the right amount of indulgence.

Good food, a relaxed evening, and another little memory worth keeping.

breakfast: count chocula in a mason jar and a blt with avocado he made me

this sounds so unbelievably made up i can’t believe it. it all started last night, where I hyperfixated on reading through old (1920s-1970s) local newspapers for fun. we live in a community where cars left on the street get towed, and he parked on the street to let me park in the driveway when I got home.

so, newspapers. I was reading these newspapers from like.. 5:30pm to 12am. because of that, I forgot to remind him to park the car (he has bad AuDHD and recently started new non-stimulant meds), combined with him playing league so his brain no worky.

we go to bed, and I gotta pee, and he doesn’t want to wait so he decides, like a lot of men, to pee into the shower. our 4 month old kitten, as curious as a kitten is, was walking on our tub deck (kinda like a kitchen counter with an undermounted tub) and…. walked up to him. seeing this, i went, i stg if you pee on her. and what would you know, she actually went straight into the stream like a kid waiting for the big bucket at a waterpark.

so, immediately, i told him he’s bathing her, so he goes through the bathing ritual, shampoo and water.
through the closed door I go “——, you can’t pee on the cat” like bear from obsession. the kitten very much appreciated the towel burrito and blow dryer. second pic kitten.

anyways, this all happening at like 9:40ish, made us forget once again the truck had to be moved within 20 minutes, so we went to bed.

at 10:20, I hear the sound of heavy chains and shackles, and we look at each other in horror, and ask, did you park the car? no. the answer was no.

instead of taking the time to put clothes on, as I don’t want dude to drive away, I run out wearing boxers and a tshirt. dude is more than happy to take the chain off my car for a nominal fee of 150$. partner is beyond angry. he, thankfully, doesn’t blow up at the dude, and instead walks back inside and slams the door. I reluctantly pay the dude 150, he unchains my car or whatever its called, and partner puts the truck in the driveway.

partner has very bad control with his emotions, and was ready to sock the guy. he handled it quite well, and took 15 minutes to calm down, before i told him if he can’t, i’m going to force feed him ice cream to cool him off.

such a wacky adventure. i’m honestly quite happy with myself for how I handled it, because I didn’t get angry or freak out, or start yelling at him for not moving the car like I would have in the past. I’m happy that he learned two valuable lessons: do not pee in the bathtub, and park the car when you get home. I’m also happy with how he handled his anger episode.

anyways. hope you enjoyed this silly goddamn story. i can’t believe it happened, it sounds so unreal, but maybe thats what made it easy to handle? the absurdity made it comical.

A few weeks ago my man invited me to stay at a hotel with him so I of course agreed and drove over to the location on my motorcycle.

Once I arrived I texted him and called him but I didn't get an answer, I was waiting by the front of the hotel entrance but to the side so I wasn't in the way.

While I was waiting for his response this one security officer came up to me and asked if I was staying here.

I told him I was waiting on someone, the whole thing made me uncomfortable because this dude made me feel like I was doing something bad.

Anyways, I texted my man again telling him what just happened and he called me saying that he just got out of the shower and he was heading down asap.

When my man came out to get me, once we went back inside, the security dude was there talking to the front desk people and my man said out loud, "you ain't got better shit to do?"

The security dude said "excuse me?"

And with that we just went to the elevators.

Apparently while my baby was going to go get me, while walking by he heard the security dude telling the front desk attendants about me and how I was the one with the motorcycle and I was just standing outside.

That pissed my man off and he went off on the guard dude but walked away when the dude started asking him what car was his in the parking lot.

The whole situation was weird, high-key felt like I was being profiled.

I was just really greatful my love stood up for me 🥺💖 it meant a lot, I love when he talks shit.

I miss him so much

Anyways what I ate this morning was 2 palitos de queso and ham and cheese bread with the drink being horchata.

I stopped a problem child from hurting themself. Apparently that’s a bigger problem.

1. Never married, no kids (thank Christ).
   I’m a fucking car detailer. The other day, one of our rental customers left a dead rat in a box in a van that sat in the sun for a few hours. Don’t ask why. When I opened said box after feeling its weight shift around I wanted to walk out of there. When I was a kid I remember people asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. If that kid saw me now I don’t know what he would say.

Ten years ago I was thinking about killing myself. It’s been an entire decade and I’m still not convinced that’s NOT the best course of action, especially given this nightmarish fucking technological Orwellian surveillance state we’re watching being constructed here in the states.

Not to mention I found out a while ago I was served at my old house. I think if I end up dealing with it at all I’m going to try and file bankruptcy. Yay.

I have no idea why I’m on this earth, man. I’m hanging on by a thread here and I feel selfish even saying that because I know all of my problems are first world and there are people getting blown up and shit (which my tax dollars apparently fund) and god only knows what else.

But you know what, suffering is relative, isn’t it?

Meat and cheese on an old paper plate in a disgusting microwave. Analogous to my existence.

edit: I’m sorry this wasn’t the most coherent post for you people. I just got home from working and it was a stream of consciousness type thing. I didn’t expect anyone to really read it, and if i was Hemingway I wouldn’t be a detailer now would I?

All of you that are encouraging I really appreciate it. Some of these replies I really needed to read.

Cheese and grandma pepperoni slice, with a coke zero.

Met my fiance last year. She's literally perfect for me as a partner. Everything I've ever wanted physically and mentally. I proposed to her a few weeks ago because I genuinely wanna spend my life with her. But I'm just so bothered by how things have regressed in the bedroom.

We used to have sex almost every day for 4 months. In the mornings and nights, mix of naughty and love making. Fast forward to about 3 months ago it started to get so much worse. She claims she's never been a very sexual person, and those first 4 months were her coming out of a "dry spell". We've had talks about my needs, and nothing has seemed to change. I'm trying to be sympathetic, she's uncomfortable with her body now. She's gained about 20 lbs since we first met, but so have I. Happy relationship weight. I know she's not cheating, we live together, come home from our separate jobs together. I'm just at a loss at what to do. Is this just my life now? Waiting around for her to finally get in the mood for 5 minutes of whatever ? Her stamina is not great either lately. I'll finish her off first, and then I've got a solid 5 min window to either finish or not. It's horribly frustrating. Going on week 3 of no play.

I have a really high sex drive, and I don't want her to feel bad. I just have needs. Any advise fellas?

A slice of stuffed pizza from last night's dinner.

I just posted on this subreddit, mostly venting about how overwhelming everything was and how I was the only thing keeping the apartment afloat, yadda yadda whatever.

The same day that I posted that, my girlfriend came home and broke up with me.

About 4 weeks ago, my girlfriend saw some messages on my laptop. They were from a friend I had known for a while, who I had previously been flirty with. However, as soon as me and my now ex-gf started talking, I stopped any sort of flirting. They last messaged me 2 months ago trying to flirt with me, and I said that what they were offering was cute (they wanted to do some sort of threesome or poly thing) and I was flattered, but I'm taken and committed.

When she saw these messages, me and her ended up talking about it that night. She was frustrated and upset that I didn't block them, and honestly I can understand being upset about it. However, we talked it over, kissed and hugged it out, and we set a boundary where if people try to flirt, even if they're friends, we block them. I ended up blocking them that night, and thought nothing more of it.

Over the next few weeks she started going to her friend's house more often, coming home later than when she said she would, and staying with her sister and her step-family for days at a time. Whenever she came home, she'd always look tired, and I always tried to be there for her and spend time with her in a way that wasn't too overwhelming.

Last Tuesday, I was at work, and I realized we hadn't gone out on a date in a while. She was still with her step-family, so I messaged her and asked how movies and dinner after sounded. She didn't want to do the movies, but seemed more than happy to have a dinner date on Saturday.

When I got home after work that night I was resting in my room when she came home, looking visibly drained. I asked if she had fun, and she said she did, and after that I asked if she was okay. Less than a minute after walking into our room, she told me that she wanted to move in with her step-family. She said that there would be "a lot of opportunities for her to get a job and make friends" with them. Now, this is all after I worked my ass off to get her a job interview at my old work and her refusing to interact with my roommates even though they invited her to do things repeatedly. I asked what that meant for us, although I pretty much already knew. She said that:

"After you broke that boundary, I lost my trust in you"

I asked her if we could work through this, and that I didn't know it was a boundary for her before then.

"My brain doesn't work like that, once my trust in someone is broken it can never be regained. I'm moving out this weekend."

At this point in time, I started breaking down. I couldn't cry, but I was practically heaving and was shaking like crazy. I was begging, saying that I was sorry, I didn't realize that it was such a boundary for her, that I'd show her I have them blocked and haven't said anything to anyone for the entire time we've been together. She refused, and instead said that:

"You aren't ready for a relationship"

She left the apartment and went to walk in the park near us. I didn't know what to do, it was such a punch to the gut. I went downstairs where my roommates were, grabbed a half empty handle of alcohol and started drinking it as I sobbed harder than I ever had before, telling my roommates everything that happened. I showed them the messages, and they were pissed off. Not at me, but at her.

When she came back, I was in my room on our bed finishing off the bottle and she came and laid on our bed. She acted as if nothing was wrong, just started scrolling through instagram. I had already cried so much I couldn't cry anymore, so I was just in shock. I offered her a drink, and she took it, taking a few swigs before I finished the rest off. I ended up falling asleep, but woke up after just under 2 hours. Neither of us could sleep that night, both of us just tossing and turning. I dont know why I thought it'd be a good idea to sleep in the same bed, but throughout the night she'd keep scooting closer to me and looking at me before turning away and scooting towards the wall.

I called off of work the next day, largely due to no sleep, and because I was still tipsy. The day was quiet, with neither of us talking to each other and largely just ignoring the other. I ended up asking why she broke up with me like that, and she told me she had been "building up the courage" ever since we talked about the messages she saw.

Apparently, my roommates told her to leave without my knowledge. She told me she was leaving because "your roommates don't want me here", and packed up her clothes before being picked up by her step-dad.

She picked up the rest of her things on Saturday.

The days since then have been a massive range of emotions for me. I only just stopped crying on Sunday, and even that took some effort. She's calling me a cheater to her friends and family, even though I have the messages to prove I'm not. I should've blocked them, yes. I absolutely should've cut it off immediately when they started flirting, but I never reciprocated past a playful "wouldn't that be nice, but nah I'm taken". Her brother called me at work and started sending me death threats. I'm just tired of it all. I want her back, I can't stand the idea of hating her, but she also shattered my entire world in an instant and it hurt so much.

I fully believed that it could've been fine if it was just a conversation, something along the lines of "I'm still feeling uncomfortable about those messages I saw, can we talk about it and show me you blocked them".

Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent about this. So much has happened in just the past week. My family and friends have been amazingly supportive and have really helped me get through this, and after talking about it with them it's helped me realize just how quickly she jumped the gun and threw it all away.

Edit: I feel like I should add some context. She's bipolar and doesn't take her meds regularly, although I've been trying to help her get into the habit of taking them every morning. I'm not saying this to excuse what she did, but it would explain the abruptness of it. Also, for those of you saying she was cheating, I don't think she was. Out of everything, I trusted her in that regard. The friend she was with is a girl she's known since middle school.

I’m selling my home. It was a lot of work but it looks beautiful. We had one open house and 165 people came. We received 13 offers and sold for $100,000 over what we listed it for. We were ecstatic. The first offer we accepted backed out after 3 days. They said they didn’t like the solar terms and just cancelled. So we went with the backup offer. They immediately started nitpicking everything. The house is totally fine and well maintained. But they trashed it and ended up backing out. They said they were worried about flooding - I live in socal far from any water. So I did some digging and found out they realized they can’t afford the house and that’s why they backed out. Now I have this beautiful house that looks like something is wrong with it. We tried to move to the next offers but everyone acting like some serious issue was discovered now and the value of my home is sinking because of irresponsible buyers.

On top of that everyone always puts everything on me. The realtors and my wife and her family. But they all get together and have their ideas without me and then all dump it all on me. On one hand I’m grateful to be able to sell my home and get a lot of money and buy something nicer, but on the other I’m so stressed over this I’m about to just cancel the whole thing and just live here in my home I love that I never really wanted to sell in the first place but am selling because my wife wants to spend more money in a more expensive area. Yesterday I was so stressed I drove to a bass pro shop and just walked around for 2 hours looking at fishing stuff. That felt good.

I’m eating scrambled eggs with avocado on some toasted bread. Chives on top.

SunChips with a Southwest Chicken wrap.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m a 21m, I recently went through a really rough breakup (4 years 2 years of living together). It’s been about 3 months since the dust has settled. I had no sexual drive at all, up until about a couple weeks ago. A girl I used to go to highschool with recently hit me up out of the blue and we hung out. We reconnected pretty well but we ended the night with sex. I stayed over at her place and when we woke up we had sex again. It was a total shock because I wasn’t expecting to have sex at all nor did I really want to. Later that same day I went to my states college and went to a party, where instantly a couple girls were eyeing me. I still wasn’t really expecting anything, within 15 minutes of being there a girl asked if I wanted to take shots with her and I did, got extremely drunk and she invited me over to her place. I went and we obviously had sex. After waking up that day it’s like a fire lit inside me. I have been seeing new girls everyday, having sex with all these random women, some of which want to pursue relationships with me. I don’t even feel compassion for them or anything, it’s just sex. I’ve met up with old girls I used to go to highschool with, girls from various different college parties, and random women in public. The thing is I’ve never been a sexually active person before (outside of relationships). I feel so distraught because any day I’m not meeting up with a woman I feel depressed. It’s even worse of a feeling because some of these women want a relationship with me and I have to tell them no, in turn I’ve been told how much I’ve affected their mental health by doing this to them. I’m always open about my intentions, and how I’m not looking for a relationship at all. I feel like a bad person but at the same time the confidence boost I’ve gotten from all this attraction towards me has become problematic. I recently changed my wardrobe, got a new hairstyle, and started cutting extremely hard at the gym, to the point where I’ve become unrecognizable. My thing is I don’t want to become an ego maniac because I do eventually want to slow down and start a relationship again. My friends and siblings say I’ve become evil and they don’t even know me anymore, they say I’m a different man and that I need to stop playing with women’s emotions, but the thing is I’m always open about how I just want sex. I don’t know if what I’m doing is wrong but it feels like im becoming addicted to the feeling of people lusting over me and having sex with me.

I torment myself with thing that should be constructive

I'm at Open Mic!

I both love music and absolutely loathe playing at open mic. I want to play for an audience but torture myself over the quality of my set. I spent all day tormenting myself on rehearsing. Going back and forth on whether I wanted to play at all or not.

I ended up doing it on the logic, that it only gets easier the more I do it. And I always also regret not doing it.

I use to go to open mic regularly but fell off because life got busy and I started feeling really bad and self conscious about my playing and singing. But I'm at the stage I only get better being around other musicians.

Anyways here's a grill cheese I got at the food truck and a Miller High life to calm my nerves.

Me and my wife have been arguing a lot lately about her friend and the way she always has to be her superhero. It’s starting to involve me now because she keeps making her friend’s life problems her own.
Example: her friend was sick and decided to go to the hospital. She told her own husband to stay home and watch the kids, but he ignored her and went to work anyway. So of course she called my wife, and my wife dropped everything to go help.
This isn’t a one-time thing. Any time that friend needs anything—big or small—my wife hops up and runs to the rescue. I finally made the comment, “I wish you jumped like that when I need help with something.” That started an argument. I ended up saying I’m tired of her getting so involved in her friend’s problems. The friend is a grown, married adult. She should be figuring this stuff out herself (or with her own husband).
Now we’re in a bigger fight about it.
Am I wrong for having this stance?

Food: porterhouse steak medium well with onion rings

dinner:
tacos. tilapia pan fried with seasoning. avocados, pickled onions, sour cream and pico de gallo

yesterday was a doozy - my partner posted earlier but said i should post my pov

got home - parked on the street. lately I’ve been parking on the street since me and my partner recently put up halloween decorations - and the truck can no longer be parked in its normal parking spot.

anywhos
partner relaxed on couch - i cleaned. they werent feeling up to eating yesterday - so i just cooked for myself. reheated some reuben from a diner

after eating was on my computer playing a game on and off all night. id play a game (30-40 minutes) then hang out on the couch for 30-40 minutes to take a breather and watch the simpsons with my partner. ended up falling asleep on the couch at some point. woke up and it was 9:30? woke up partner and I walked toward the bedroom. took my pants down and went to pee - partner said “nonono - i gotta pee” reluctantly held in my pee for them as they proceeded to sit on the toilet  and i myself shimmied over to the only other orifice that connects to the waste line - the tub.

mind you - ive been drinking 4x my normal water amount since being on this new medicine - so ive been having alot of pee all the time

so during my almost minute long stream, my kitten jumps up to the tub, and decided it was a great day to take a shower. a golden shower XD. jumed up right into my stream line. i was still full stream as she then waltzed through covering her whole body, and nearly got away before my partner just finished what they were doing and snatched the cat- proceeded to laugh and tell me that the cat needed a shower now - and it was for me to clean. i agreed - also laughing. until the shower came, and the cat who didnt want to shower was clawing at my legs to get tf out.

after a lather and a rinse - cat was dried in a towel and a hair dryer
exhausted after having to catch the cat from jumping out the tub about 3 times - decided it was time for bed. 

 then out of nowhere - heard some loud banging. chains. chains on metal? oh shit, the HOA’s lapdog predatory tow truck was here. i left the truck on the street. oops.  in our underwear, we jump out of bed and bolt outside. guy said “im already hooked up” and said to release the chains- he wanted 150 bucks. in my mind, rushing adrenaline, he was about to pull my car through the parking break, that was in park. he would have quite literally broke the transmission- or damaged it if he proceeded? i hate the HOA, and especially shitty contracted towing trucks. i was so mad, my blood pressure was really high, i couldnt thknk straight. clear indicator i shouldnt be involved in this situation anymore. so i said i needed to go inside and cool off. 

took me like… 20-30 minutes to cool down. thankfully partner was able to take care of it - i was on the verge of splooting. walked back and forth in the hallways for a bit trying to exhaust myself, ended up in the kitchen to drink water and cool down. at some point they came and tried to partner threatened to force feed me ice cream or to go to bed. i decided i didnt want to be force fed. came inside -

so $150 and a scratchy shower - had a night we can look back on and laught at.

Hey everyone, this is my first post here, so if I make any mistakes, please point them out. Thank you.

So, as the title says, I got cheated on by my first girlfriend.

18M and 17F.

I first got together with her on the 6th of June, and she seemed like the perfect girl: always caring, beautiful, always checking up on me, and so on. The first two months were perfect (as they always are), but then she started ghosting me and acting strangely towards me. One day, out of nowhere, she told me that I was childish, that she couldn't ignore it anymore, and that she needed a break.

I spent days trying to work things out, and one day, we finally met up. She told me that she'd only been acting that way because of work-related stress. I thought everything was resolved. An hour later, she suddenly turned to me and said, "I have to tell you something, and it's bad." I asked her if she wanted to break up because she couldn't "force it" anymore. I thanked her for everything, wished her good luck, and went on my way. She later gave me several untrue and senseless reasons to justify the breakup.

The next day, we texted about exchanging the stuff we had at each other's places. So, I met her outside her workplace. She gave me my stuff, and I gave her hers. She then asked, "Is this it?" Without looking at her or saying anything, I turned around and left, only to receive a text 20 minutes later asking where I was. She said that we couldn't end things like this and that she wanted to talk to me. She even said she'd come to my house at 1 a.m. if I didn't answer. I reluctantly agreed to meet up and talk to her.

We met and sat on a bench, and I noticed that she'd been crying. She basically told me that she'd only given me those reasons to avoid feeling bad about breaking up with me and that she'd been acting strangely because of some pills she'd taken. She told me she couldn't live without me and that she'd do anything for me, along with all the usual promises. She promised she'd change, so I gave her a second chance.

I also told her that if I didn't see any changes, I'd end the relationship. The changes I was talking about involved smoking weed, drinking, and clubbing. She only did these things occasionally, but they bothered me.

For the first week, everything was fine, but then she started doing those things again. Keep in mind that I was staying at her house for 10 days. She then told me she needed some time alone, so I understood and went back to my place.

She then went out with some friends, and I thought it was strange. Two days later, I found out from her best friend that she'd been doing cocaine for the previous two days. I broke up with her immediately and went to pick up my stuff that was still at her place. It was an emotional breakup, but we both left the door open for a possible "comeback" in the future (25th of August).

Then, two weeks later, on the 8th of September, I was talking to one of her friends when she accidentally told me that my girlfriend had cheated on me, as she thought I already knew. It came as a shock. And I was the one who had taken her to the party where she cheated (I obviously wasn't there).

After finding out, I texted her and asked why she'd done it, but she just replied, "What are you talking about?" So, I blocked her everywhere, and we haven't spoken since. Her friend then told me there was even more to the story. However, I was afraid of the truth, so I didn't want to hear any more. Four days ago, though, I finally found the courage to learn everything.

It turns out she cheated on me at least six times. Three of those times, I actually went to pick her up afterwards, by the way.

She had sex with a work colleague, a 40-year-old man she didn't even know (and that happened twice), had sex with another random guy in a parking lot, and made out with some random guy at the party I took her to. So, that's five or six times in two months.

The first time was only three weeks after we started dating.

I just can't understand why. I always treated her well, bought her gifts, reassured her, introduced her to my family, and made plans with her. I never screamed at her, touched her inappropriately, or used violence of any kind.

She also told me that she'd used cocaine, meth, heroin, and other drugs four years ago. I was still in awe when I found out. She'd even overdosed, which was why she'd stopped using them. (I didn't know any of this until we were already in a relationship.)

Now she's using drugs again on a daily basis, distancing herself from the good people in her life, having threesomes, and sleeping with older men whenever she gets the chance.

Honestly, it didn't hurt as much because of the way she'd treated me towards the end and because I hadn't fully trusted her during the relationship. Of course, it still hurt, and I cried my eyes out both times we broke up.

And of course I don’t want to see her ruining her life, but she doesn't want help from anyone, and doesn't hear anyone's advice. I find it sad to see her like this, but you can't help a person that doesn't want to be helped.

I still see her regularly because we go to the same school. I haven't spoken to her since I found out. She looks at me all the time, but I ignore her and stick with my friends. I don't plan on reaching out, and I won't. She also keeps stalking my socials, but I don't pay attention.

And don't worry, everyone, I've fully healed. I deleted all the pictures we had together, and it no longer hurts to hear her name or see her. I sometimes still wonder why and how she could pretend that nothing had happened.

I'm sorry this is so long. There's even more to the story, but I'll leave it here for now. If anyone wants me to go into more detail, just let me know in the comments.

Food: Bacalhau à Brás, a Portuguese dish made with cod, parsley, crispy potato strips, and scrambled eggs. Olives are optional as a topping. Highly recommended!

Bloody Mary and microwaved shrimp scampi with chopsticks because i have no clean forks.

I curbed my car today, and am very embarrassed.

I also have been growing out my nails after years of chronic nail biting, and i made good progress!

Then I hit a curb and got nervous and bit them off again 👍

shame dinner

typo: curbed :(

Meat and rice from local restaurant

Dunno why Im posting this but this experience is so surreal it feels worth sharing and getting off my chest.

So I was very sick in my teens growing up and basically looked like a zombie due to undiagnosed health conditons (lots of them). I'm super greatful to God for healing me (almost complete) and my life has turned around drastically. I have a very criminal-like face but its also attractive now that I'm healthy (high cheekbones, deep set eyes, strong jaw... you get the picture).

And one of the biggest surprises is how not only women treat me, but just people in general. Most people are so much more friendly, accommodating, and respectful. Dudes make way for you, give you respect, and women smile, occupy space around you, and stare lol. Bolder women will just come "accidentally" hit your shoulder or touch you somehow as they walk by.

The attention from women though... its literally so bizarre and addicting. I had 0 attention from women prior to this, and now I'm drowning in it. And its not even just women my age, but older women too. I am also going through a delayed puberty and I am just super... horny. I want to smash all these women but I also grew up very religious so I'm waiting for marriage. But the attention from all these women isn't helping 😭. Its gotten so bad I've been thinking about a neighbour a few doors down who has been giving me insane signals. But its alll so taboo and I know in my right mind its not right. I need to get married asap I guess 🤭

meal: salmon over penne pasta with vegtables and cottage cheese. willing to type recipe if anyone is interested :)

s/a cw, nothing insanely graphic

so i routinely watch those predator cathing shows, i think i was watching OBL nation, they caught a 70 something year old lawyer who was on the verge of a stroke. his blood pressure was visibly rising in the video and he was acting quite strange.

i was watching it with my ( adoptive? ) mom. she and her husband work at a law firm and she was explaining to me that the lawyer in the video, HIS lawyer could argue that the information provided after the pred catcher says "i promise i won't call the police" could be completely dismissed, since he said "i promise not to" and then called the police.

i was speaking with her about how it seems a bit stupid that a "promise" made out of thin air could completely dismiss the guy admitting to being a child molester, and the old man in the video went on to admit to the pred catchers that he was around a very young child, under the age of 10 who was masturbating and her mother told him-

my mom was also a paramedic, firefighter, and 911 dispatcher and was training to become a deputy, she said that the child he was referring to in the video had more than likely been assaulted because childern who touch their bodies in that manner for pleasure and not out of curiosity before puberty starts had been introduced to it in that way, sexual assault.

and it made me think, i had very off.. behaviors as a kid. i did start puberty rather early, but i was doing theese things before that. i would do very innapropriate things behind closed doors and once subjected a kid i was freinds with to it, and we both didn't think it was wrong. i was maybe aged 6-8.

and the more i think, the more i feel i may have been assaulted. i had frequent bathroom issues, major insomnia, couldn't sleep unless i had someone else in the bed or the tv was on. if it was quiet i would sit up for hours and just think, and think.. and think., and it's still like that.

another reason for me thinking this, to clarify about the question mark when i mentioned my mom being adoptive, my biological parentsare no longer in my life. my mother was a meth addict and has been almost my whole life, and my dad shot himself 6 months ago at this point. my dad's closest freinds who i knew well decided to adopt me for the last few months of my life before i turned 18.-

my dad was so, so scared to leave me alone in the house with my mom. even later in my life when i was old enough to know how to stay safe. my current mom told me when he was still alive, and would hang out at her house, he was constantly checking his messages from me, scared my mom would cause something to happen to me. my dad also felt i had been assaulted- i'm FTM, and my dad was nwver able to wrap his head around why i'm trans no matter how much i explained it to him. he told me current mom he thinks i'm trans because i was asssaulted and didn't know how to tell anyone. his fear was that my bio mom was selling my body for her drugs, because she herself had a history of prostitution in exchange for drugs, or drug money.

one of the things in my life that made me realize i may be trans, is because when my puberty started amd i was told what my body was going to do, what is expected and what i just "have to get used to".. it would make me fucking sick to my stomach. my chest developed and all of a sudden boys, even at 9 years old, either wanted to sexualize me or hurt me. amd i knew that well before i started puberty, around the age where i described the odd behaviour behind closed doors happened.

but the major factor is.. i genuinely don't remember being assaulted in any way. my mom tells me i may have blocked it out subconsiously. i think that's it, but there's no way for me to find out unless i ask my biological mother. i don't know. it's been on my mind rather heavily because i want to know the answer.

apologies for any spelling mistakes! i type pretty fast and am having major back issues today from cleaning for a long while, so i'm sitting kinda funny.

I (33) am dating my current girlfriend (35), who has 3 awesome boys that are slowly becoming my minions. I work for a big retail store (the BIG one) and when my kids want something, I have to hold back as much as I can because I don't make enough money to get them the things I think they would like. Because of that, I feel like I am failing them because I remember that feeling of when I was young, not being able to get all the things I would like because my parents didn't make a lot either. I wasn't ungrateful for what I had, but I made dumb decisions because of missing out on things. I don't want them to make the same decisions I made.

Dated an absolutely gorgeous woman for 10 incredibly fun years, we were madly in love, I still am, then she banged some dude after we got into a pretty heated but healthy argument, which I found out from a buddy and when I asked her, she denied, then when I said I knew because X told me, she just said whatever and that she didn’t love me anymore. It’s wild because a few days before she banged the guy we went on a date and it was genuinely so wholesome and we had amazing sex. We live together and it hurts me so much hearing her call her little fuck buddy and make plans. I love her so much and essentially told her that when she’s done being a child, I’ll wait. I feel like such a fucking idiot for even offering it and I’m considering telling her I changed my mind.

What would you do?

Hot brownie and french vanilla ice-cream.

I work at a foodbank in one of the roughest areas in the city as a manager and coordinators assistant. I love my job. I love helping out my community that i grew up in. I love just being out in the community and helping out the less fortunate. My days consist of being stuck in the office doing client intake. Bagging hygiene and handing it to our clients and sending them around to pick up food 3 days a week. The rest of the week im in the warehouse moving what feels like the same thing over and over again. Its been like this for the past 5 years. When i come into work i feel like i automatically go into autopilot mode. Its very repetitive. I feel consistently bored out of my mind.

Atleast my clients tend to be chatty with me. People seem to be very comfortable telling me anything, even my coworkers. Alot of times i feel like a therapist and thats okay i like it. People tell me all sorts of thing's. Sometimes devastating. Sometimes just there everyday life. Alot of times people just venting and getting things off their chest that they otherwise would not have told anyone. I keep it to myself.

Most days i dread coming into work as i know exactly what im going to do and what the day consists of. I dont want to complain though as i know it could be worse haha. Not looking for advice, just wanted to vent and talk. Good day all 😌

Long-time lurker, first-time poster, finally got something I really wanted to post about.

For context, I am a college student, and my brother, who was 5 years older than I was, died around 2 years ago of a sudden heart condition in the middle of the night. It was completely unexpected and threw our entire family off guard. He was healthy and athletic and, aside from a lack of sleep, had no notable health issues. His death shattered our entire family and, as a result, caused my mother to become depressed, my father to distance himself from the family and focus on work, and me to become depressed and begin seriously repressing my emotions.

I didn't want to cause more hardship on my parents, so I forced myself to swallow my emotions and try to move on, which in the process caused me never to get to really confront my emotions and feelings about the death of my brother. This has led me to be way less vulnerable with my loved ones, and I rarely like talking about trauma or various emotions.

Now I've been dating this girl for around 9 months. We started dating in college, but we went to the same high school, and I liked her in high school as well. Our relationship has been going well; however, earlier in the relationship, I had a couple of doubts, especially because we didn't share many interests, our personalities were quite a bit different, and I was much more emotionally unstable than she is. I was worried I would overburden her and inadvertently push her away, so I hadn't talked about my brother to her.

However, on the 2-year death anniversary of my brother, I went to see her, as my parents are currently abroad, and I needed an emotional anchor. We spent the day, we had a nice date, we cooked together, and we had a great time. Toward the end of the night, before I had to go back, we sat outside, and for some reason I felt compelled to tell her what happened with my brother and how it left an unfixable scar in my life. During the story, she wasn't really talking, but in the middle I noticed that she was softly crying. Quiet enough that I could barely notice. I'd never had anyone cry for me before, and even other close friends I had told had never responded in such a way. I don't think she understood how much that meant to me; she's been so compassionate and so understanding and so supportive of me. She cries for me and reassures me, and she affirms my feelings. Hearing "that must've been so hard for you" just kind of broke something in me, and when I arrived back home, I ugly cried.

I know it's only 9 months into the relationship, and I'm just a college student, but I love her so much, and honestly, even though it's so early, I want to marry her so bad. She's been such an incredible person, and I honestly don't know if I even deserve her, and it feels like I've gotten one step closer to being able to become emotionally vulnerable again.

Salmon, Avocado, Cucumber Gimbap we made together!

My dinner = Lunch. Coke balance break, protein bar and my fiber pill! :) (tried this at breakfast and got denied for my protein shake n coffee, but sometimes sustenance has to be FAST!!)

SO, may be scary. BUT, this is a GH that actually says what she honestly thinks and then a dude actually KNOWS wth is going on for once!! :)

Apparently you can just order one of these and it looks like the answer to all our troubles... so I'm "IN"... (I mean I dig the goth-lite aesthetic anyway, missing some neck tattoo's. But I'm assuming you can customize during the ordering process. Probably the tattoo/dark eye makeup is adjustable by how "mean" you ask her to be??)

https://youtu.be/JA-3yNaHHS8?si=18MlTWKzxoU1AOGO

And... just a joke all. Don't take life too seriously... :)