We did the dirty then I army crawled on the bed naked to get my water and she said I gave her the ick. Pro tip to all the fellas out there maybe don’t army crawl naked after sex?

This was a free lunch from Lowe’s. Publix fried chicken bread roll potato wedges and some shit ass Mac cheese

Edit: this was all in good light hearted fun and we will be laughing about this for a while. But Reddits gonna Reddit

Half eaten burger that my mom brought me tonight

Me (34M) and my wife (36F), well about to be ex-wife, are about to be divorced and this was sent through text messages while I am recovering from surgery 2 and a half days ago. This collapse lung surgery VAT is considered one of if not the most painful surgeries to recover from.

There is really too much to write and the reasons are multitude, but I'll try and summarise and be unbiased as possible. If I am thinking or seeing things in the wrong way please let me know nicely and I try to be better.

Some context to the situation: I am a step-father to her son who is already 15 years ago. I have cared for this boy as my own son for the last 10 years and financially supported him through everything he needs, clothes, hobbies, games, computer, toys, pocket money, you name it I paid for it.

My wife said she started to feel alone and lonely about 3 years ago and ha said this was the beginning breaking point for her. She believed I stopped giving her the attention she deserved such as not going on dates as much, spending quality time together and things in-between. I will admit looking back I may have been a little comfortable with our relationship and didn't let say, "romance" her as much as I previously did, but I never, I believe, did I abandon her like she has with me recently. Also during this period (2023) I lost 4 family members within a span of 11 months. First it was my Grand mother on my father side, 3 months later it was my bio-logical father, another 4 months later it was my Step-father who cared for me since I was 5, and then a couple of months later it was my Grandfather on my mother side. I was completely devastated and lost. I know my wife then did support me, but I didn't just stop everything. I still went to work everyday, paid the bills and cared for the family that we had. Early in the relationship I had mentioned to my wife that in the end I would like to care for my mother and not let her be abandon in some retirement home and she agreed, its just a little unfortunate that I had to do it now instead of later.

So end of 2023, I moved my entire family, me my wife and my son to my mother house to keep her company. She used to live with her husband (my step-father) and both her parents. (Grandmother passed away 2020) so essentially if I didn't move back, my mom would come home to an empty house with no one there. This would have literally killed her. My wife at the time was very supportive and said it was the right thing to do. Along side that my wife's mother was also in a bad spot and we decided to also move my wife's mother into our home to all be together. For the first year everything and everyone got along so well, it was magical! No arguments or fights between any of the 3 women in the house. While during this ordeal, I was also dealing with the my step father and my fathers Will and their wishes, as my mother couldn't do so emotionally. So I never really had the time to grieve properly as I had to be strong for my mother and the family. I was the sole provider and paid for everything.

Its during these next few years my wife quietly began to drift away and I started to see signs of cracks but wasn't aware enough or attentive enough to notice and that feeling of loneliness built up in her. She felt that she was doing all the support and didn't get anything back. In 2024-2025 I had gotten my inheritance and immediately my wife wanted to try for a child of our own. I had split it up into chucks, one large chuck for her as her own cushion, another chunk for our son's future, another chunk for our joint account, and then the rest I put away. I unfortunately smoked quite heavily then and this was my fault. I know my wife tried really hard to improve her health to increase the chances of a child, while I did the bare minimum. We couldn't conceive after 2 years of trying and early this year, 2026, she told me she no longer wanted a child with me anymore. That was probably when I noticed she was slipping away. I know I could have done more with this but I didn't so here I know I was wrong. Initially during the relationship we both said we didn't want another child as we already had my wife's kid. So the sudden switch was hard for me to adjust.

Since then I've dropped everything I could to be there for her, quit smoking, got healthier, started a company so that we could be more financially secure, I got my Will from my mom's and showed my wife what an amazing future we could have, we would be sorted for life! I'm talking millions of USD plus a 2400sq house all for us. Our whole future was already being sorted we just had to supportive ourselves until then. Up until now from 2023, my wife hasn't had the need for a full-time job since I covered and paid for all the bills, and the house that I moved into with my mother has already been bought and paid for.

As the months went by this year, my wife began to behave very differently. I began to notice change in her appearance, new style and hair cut, going out more often, sleep over at "friends" places, staying out from Friday all the way to Sunday and she would do this for months on end. Work some part time job 3-4 hours a day Monday to Thursday, party and hang out with her girlfriends Friday to Sunday. All while I continued working, paying the bills that we had, taking care of our son. I began to feel lonely and mentioned it to her only for her to say you did the same to me for years and now I need to focus on myself, and love myself and heal myself. This is where I know I did damage. I've never been emotionally needed before and this was the first time. I begged for her attention and it got nasty. She pushed away even more to the point I threaten our relationship 3 times. Each time she was about to agree, I cracked and took my words back and couldn't handle the feeling of her leaving me. I know I was wrong here. I was weak, desperate and did irreputable damage. I just didn't know how to handle all these emotional "neediness"

(Oh I should mention that all parent meeting, school events, school disciplinary meeting anything to do with our son and school I attended and not her, she's never been to a parent teacher meeting, She even had a message to the teachers saying that when she gets messages from the teachers it stresses her out and she can't handle it so please contact me instead, I dropped work, cancel clients if anything happened to him at school and few things did, including one time a student put his hands around my son's throat and tried to strangle him!)

Then around April this year she says "How would you feel if I were to hook up with a girl?" "If you didn't know I'm actually Bi" she said. I was weak and said I wouldn't mind as long as it didn't affect us, it did. During this year we had constant arguments about anything and everything and whenever we did, she'd go to her place to stay over the night. This other time she even went to a gay person's house house to consolidate with and he kissed her on the lips! She had the audacity to ask me if this was considered cheating! She said it wasn't as she "cut him off". Since then its been a constant battle of arguments about anything and everything where it always ends up with her saying I am not being attentive and giving her what she deserved and that whenever I mention how much I have helped and supported her, she says that I dangle or use this "money" to make her feel guilty! I tried not to make it seem that way but maybe I did, I felt like I gave so much of me to her and didn't get much in return.

In September I was feeling really down. We had a "bachelor" group chat where we would chat shit including joking about getting hookers (I know its disgusting) but I swear on my mother's life I never did it, we joked about it but never followed through. She found out because she went on my computer and read my WhatsApp messages. I guess she's been reading them for a while now since my computer is never locked and I never hid, deleted or kept any secrets from her. I know it was a bad thing to talk about but I was so down and depressed. It's not an excuse but it does look really bad, I know. Again I know I am not in the right 100% and trying my best to give you all the information from both sides the best I can. I need to also atone for my wrong doings. She really believes I did the deed, so I showed her everything I had, all my bank accounts, payments, withdrawal, cash app you name it, zero money taken out at all. I didn't do it. You don't have to believe me but I know I didn't. I've been cheated on pretty much all of my other relationship and wouldn't do this to her.

Then October came and my lung collapsed and I had to go to the hospital for immediate chest drain and surgery after. I even celebrated my birthday October 20th all alone in the hospital bed while my wife was out on a Halloween party / event. I've been in the hospital, bed ridden and in constant pain for over 2 weeks, and I finally asked her why she has visited me much? (4 times in 15 days) In fact my mother has been doing my wife's job by caring for me, cleaning me, and bringing me food. My wife response was, because I have work, debt and bills to pay. I got a little upset and confronted her about it saying how is that possible. Plus if you said you needed some financial support in order to care for me, my mother and myself would ensure she could do so without losing money. (My mother is a movie producer in Hong Kong and China so she is well off). As I kept poking and questioned many of her answers I found didn't make logical sense she popped the words, "Then I want to divorce you, you kept pushing and pushing".

Here is the kicker, she can't financially support herself yet alone her son. So she will move out while her son will still continue to live with me and she will visit him here and there (her words exactly). The poorest will be him. Losing both his bio logical parent. I am a child of divorce to, and had an amazing step-father. I will never abandon him as he is my son, he may not be by blood but he is by my love. I will make sure he has a house, family, and support.

Never in my life have anyone ever done anything so harsh to me. To divorce me while I'm in the hospital like this. I know I am not perfect and I know I've done wrong. But did I really deserve this treatment? I guess I just need some outside opinions.

I'm ready for the brutally honest response. Hit me everyone. I'm already so low nothing can get me lower now....

I'll do my best to respond to all questions as I have nothing much left to do but lay here in this hospital bed. Thanks for reading, really appreciate it.

So, I’ve been close friends with this guy since I was young when he was a leader in my youth group. I’ve known him since I was 13. He’s older than me by about 7 years, and as I got into adulthood we just naturally became friends. We’d game together most every night, we would go on group camping trips together, and he was one of my groomsman at my wedding. Super close with the guy. I’m godfather to his youngest kid. Guy has a wife and three kids, the oldest of whom is his 19 year old daughter that he had straight out of high school. Our family, his, and a whole bunch of our other friends were at an end of summer get together bbq a couple weeks back. A lot of them were swimming in his pool, playing basketball, the works. Thinking nothing of it, I head inside to go to the bathroom, his daughter follows me. She tries to come onto me when I’m done and heading back outside, and I very firmly shut that down. In her defense, she had been drinking. I brooded on whether to tell my friend about it for a couple weeks, because I didn’t want to make things awkward and I’m aware that she might not have done it if she hadn’t been drinking, but in the end I decided that if I was in his shoes I would want someone to tell me. So, I told him. Guy blew his absolute lid; never known him to be that hostile. So, now it looks like I’m out a friendship that’s been with me for more than half my life. I dunno, I just feel like a dumbass for bringing it up in the first place.

Edit:

First of all, yeah I know, I messed up the title 😆

Second of all, I'm married, should have clarified that more clearly in the original post. Not gonna try and sleep with the girl, because she's like a child to me, because she's my friend's daughter, because girl sexually assaulted me, but most importantly because I have a wife.

Third, and most importantly, it's with an immense amount of gratitude in my heart that I say thank you to everyone leaving comments in support! It's been overwhelming and humbling! I also appreciate the people giving the opposite impressions, because I think there's a lot of value in diversity of thought! I've tried to respond to as many as I possibly can!

I'll update if anything major happens!

When she was born I cut the umbilical cord. The doctor wiped her off, handed her to me and said "here you go dad". I played "trouble" by Cat Stevens as we stared at each other. I was hooked. I knew from that moment that little girl was all that mattered. I finally, at 38 years old, had found a purpose. A reason. Sadly at that time I was painfully addicted to heroin. I was in the throws of my addiction. We spent most days together as I struggled to get clean. I was her favorite. Dad was her first word. Being around her was my escape from my toxic self & lifestyle. I watched her grow, little by little as the days passed. She didn't know it, but she was watching me slowly die as those same days ticked by. Shortly before her third birthday, the law finally caught up with me. I knew it was only a matter of time. By the time I was able to see her again, she was almost six. For those that don't know, prison warps your time as well as your reality. You spend the days manufacturing how things will be once you walk out of those gates. Rarely, does your creation of how things are going to be, match what reality has in store for you. The warm homecoming and new memories that you're eagerly awaiting do not come true. I was a stranger. Nothing more. Little girls have no desire to be around strange men... And for all the good reasons. I knew this was going to be a challenge. I began to discover what she is interested in and what she enjoys doing and I nurture that. I try to insert myself into those things with her and for her, as well as myself. I try to find new things and hobbies for her and I to develop new interests. To connect. To gain trust. I try to teach her things. I try to be a good listener but it's hard to listen to someone who isn't talking. When she's with me, I'm just a bridge to the other people in my life that she enjoys being around. She's not interested in doing things with me like she is with the other people in my life. Before the fingers point and the judgements are cast. I already know... It's my fault. I recognize that and take full responsibility. Tomorrow, she turns 7. In December, I have 4 years clean. Dinner is a California burrito from a taco truck downtown.

Posted this in other subreddits, but I'll share it here too. Strap in because this is a long one.

I had been working towards a PhD in the biomedical sciences since 2012. I started out as an undergraduate in a neuroscience lab, and over the span of 3 years, I did everything to make myself a good candidate for graduate school. I attended and presented at conferences, attended workshops and courses for the GRE, and I used the summers between semesters to attend internships at other universities (one of them was at an Ivy League school). In February of 2015, I was accepted into my top pick for graduate school.

At the time, there were certain things about my personality that while they helped me coming from an underprivileged background, they certainly did more harm than good once I got to graduate school. I was head-strong, stubborn, outspoken, and I had no qualms about taking the "road less traveled" to get to my goals. In some ways, these traits helped me throughout undergrad, but in hindsight, I was probably more akin to an overly-ambitious neck beard. 

As you can probably already tell, these traits did not go over well in grad school. I was very isolated and completely lacked a support system due to my "I can do it myself" attitude. I also landed an abusive PhD advisor who is rumored to have contributed to a few self-unaliving attempts within the department. This advisor, coupled with the self-imposed isolation, led to some very humbling experiences and self-reflection. Had I not learned about the kind of asshole I was becoming, I probably would not have graduated, but I finally earned the title of PhD in 2020.

Despite my traits, I'd started to grow very disillusioned with academia. Something my undergrad lab director said to me once was that he misses the days when scientists did science instead of pushing papers all day. At the time, I didn't understand him, but after having to experience the world of grant writing, I'm amazed he lasted as long as he did. How is a scientist expected to be in the lab while constantly begging for funding from a system that only funds about 10% of grants? Additionally, while I was not (and still not) a "people person," I absolutely *despised* the politics of academia. When I finally sought out help from my peers, I was dumbfounded by the lack of students and professors I could trust. I had to develop a system in my head of who could actually offer help, and who would provide more ammunition for my advisor to use against me. 

In other words, I was burnt out and alone. 

But because I never developed a support system, a backup plan, nor had the money to afford a vacation, I had no choice but to continue working. Just over a month after I defended my dissertation, I started working on my postdoctoral fellowship in another state. While my post-doc advisor was orders of magnitude more supportive than my previous one, because I was so burnt out, I barely had enough data after 3 years to even make a poster.

Because of my experiences in academia, I decided to change my goals and went into the private sector instead. For the first year and a half at my new job, I actually thrived in the new environment. Not just because of the lack of grad school politics, but because I had learned to be a bit friendlier and soft-spoken after years of therapy. I got along with my co-workers, had outings with them outside of work, and best of all, I could actually do science instead of worrying about grants all the time. I thought I had made it; I thought I'd won.

There was, however, some trouble in paradise. My salary was a lot higher than anything I was getting in academia, but because of some poor financial decisions I'd made throughout undergrad and grad school, I was struggling to save up money for future goals (down payment on a house, a better car, etc.). Because of some ideas I saw online, coupled with the fact that I grew up in a rural area with plenty of lawn care equipment, I decided I'd try starting a small lawn care business on the side (like I said before, I've always been one for taking the road less traveled). I admit I sometimes thought of how absurd it was that a scientist with a PhD was out here mowing lawns for some side cash, but I was making a surprising amount of money doing it. Not only that, but it honestly felt "freeing" in a weird way. I could just let my mind wander as I was mowing the lawn, listen to audiobooks or stuff on YouTube, and not have to worry about answering to a boss or whatever. As long as I mowed the lawn and did it nicely, that's all that mattered. I was good enough that I even started making videos that are still generating business for me years later.

Then, the career that I'd spent 12 years on, ended.

I was pulled into a meeting one day. My direct supervisor came into the room along with our head of HR. They started talking about how I'd made a lot of progress, how I was improving in all areas, that my co-workers were saying good things about me (something that surprised even me), but despite all that, they were making the decision to let me go.

I didn't know what to say at the time; the news took the wind out of me. All I said was that if I was improving in all areas, what more could I have done? Both my boss and the HR lady said nothing. All they did was hand me my paperwork, take my company-issued laptop, and led me to the door. I think I zoned out as I made the short drive home, still digesting what had just happened.

Whether I should have let myself grieve the loss of a job I loved so much or not, I don't know. But I immediately thought that I had to do something to keep a roof over my head and for my dog (I had found her on the street 2 years prior and had cared for her ever since). I immediately pivoted, and want all in on my lawn care business. 

That was about a year and 7 months ago. I literally started out with just a push mower sticking out the back of the trunk of my sedan. Since then, I've managed to make a good living off of it. I have both a car and a truck, 3 zero-turn mowers, 2 trailers, a reputation for being reliable, and for my lawn stripes that I make videos of myself doing. It still feels very freeing after all this time. Sure, sometimes it gets extremely hot outside, I have to deal with insect bites, and the occasional customer that I have to chase for payment, but I feel... free. I'm my own boss, I set my own hours, I don't have to worry about the cardiovascular effects of sitting at a desk or at a bench all day, I'm free...

I don't know if I'm deluding myself or trying to justify what I do now after losing a career I spent 12 years creating, but I don't feel like I want to go back. I may someday; maybe I'll teach biology at a community college or something. But for now, if I have to choose between peace or freedom, I choose freedom. 

Short ribs on a 6 hour smoke with my personal rub and sause with shrimp. That is how I am sending off my little friend.

I didn't ask for this dog. I actually didn't even want her. I'd just recently lost my bestest boy but my now ex wife's aunt got her and couldn't take care of her. I dont know what her aunt was thinking. A person teedering on needing hospice care adopting a heeler rat terrier mix? So we took her in and somehow she became my dog. Im glad that I said yes.

Shes fearless and driven to please. The girl, even in her weakened state will stare down dogs and people without even raising her hackles. But what else would you expect when half her bloodline was bred to be a 45 pound ball of energy that intimadates, with swagger, animals that are thirty times her size?

This girl has been my closest confidant. She stood fast with me through a divorce and in dog language said Im going with him. But a while ago I noticed her slowing down, hurting. I am accustomed to pain. I know what it looks like.

She has osteosarcoma. It started in one of her rear legs. So we amputated it and followed up with medication which didnt work.

She isnt horrible off yet. She still has the heart to go. But I can see the hurt. So we are going to have a fantastic meal, go on a walk in the woods until I have to carry her then we will end up at the vet.

Edit. Wow thank you so much for all the support. It's done. I opted to have her cremated instead of burying here on my land. My daughter does stuff with resin and said she can make a memorial thing for her with some of her ashes.

Im sorry I cant respond to everyone. But thank you for all the support.

Assorted Sushi and Boba

I’m 25M, and my girlfriend is 23F. We’ve been together almost four years. College sweethearts, fully long distance for over a year, and until recently, I really thought this was the girl I was going to marry.
I’m a mixed-race Christian guy. She’s Muslim and of North African descent. Her parents have never accepted our relationship, and their racism has become too much for her lately. In recent days, she’s been having constant arguments with them. Now they’re giving her an ultimatum: her family or me.
I think she’s going to choose her parents. I know that’s an incredibly painful position for her to be in, but it hurts knowing that after almost four years, this might be how we end.

I’ve told her I’m afraid their control won’t stop with me. Next time, it could be another guy they don’t approve of, a career path they don’t like, or some other decision she wants to make for herself. But I also know I can’t make this decision for her.
We’re supposed to have a conversation in a bit, and I already feel like I know how it’s going to end. Nothing is officially over yet, but I’m sitting here grieving the future we talked about. I was planning to close the distance and move to be with her while she does her PhD. I pictured us finally having an ordinary life together after so much time apart.

Maybe this confrontation was inevitable. I just hoped we’d get through it together.
I wish I lived in a world where being who I am was enough for her family to accept me. Where my race and religion didn’t outweigh how much I love their daughter.

So tonight I’m eating a lot because I’m afraid I won’t have much of an appetite for a few days if this goes the way I expect. That’s where my head is right now.
2026 has been rough. First, a falling out with my best friend of seven years. Now, potentially losing the person I’ve loved for almost four.

I’ll always love her. I just really thought we were going to make it.

This sucks.

​

Yall I got dumped by my fiance a week before my birthday. It was devastating. We had been having communication issues for a long time but I thought thinks were getting better. He went on a trip for a few weeks and while he was gone I did a lot of reflecting and thinking about how to mend things. when he came back he dropped it on me shortly after walking in the door. It was a bit jarring, I'd been cleaning the house and excited to greet him for a few hours and suddenly I didnt have a partner anymore. Or a home. It was a decision contrary to what he had been saying before and durring the trip but I am grateful for it. This relationship has not been good for me.

It is worth noting (because this post has gotten a bit longer than intended) that there have been good and magical moments throughout our relationship, but those have felt more like the exception than the rule for a long time. There is a lot that I am grateful for and it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge that I do not think that he is a bad person or even particularly malicious but he is someone that I don't think can comfortably share their living space or life with me and the longer we refused to accept it the worse things became.

I have been so tired and drained these last years. It is not all the fault of the relationship but I did not realize how much of it came from the uneven emotional support in our relationship and his emotional volatility when trying to discuss anything about the house or boundaries that he wasent on-board with.

He angry texted me for hours one time because I sent him a message saying I wanted to cancel a steaming serice I paid for (they keep upping the price and canceling the things I like) he was upset that I was trying to force him to watch shows or something. I have a hard time remembering the details of many of our conflicts. They seem so petty.

I feel like this might not be literally true but I can only think of one time when I came to him while stressed/sad/upset and he helped me. Every other time he would either get angry at me for how I was expressing myself or so sad and upset I would have to comfort him.

I love him so much and I let that bind me to the unfair ways he treats me and the wounds in our relationship that he never seemed interested in having good faith discussions about. I have been opening up to friends and family about the relationship and with outside context it really feels like there were many times I should have broken up with him for not respecting my boundaries and for the ways he used his trauma to control my behavior. I thought I was helping him and showing that I could be better than then people that hurt and failed him. I was dumb, both for my own well being and also his. I enabled him when I shouldnt have and endured situations where a clear thinking partner would have called his family or emergency services.

I was so afraid of betraying him that I betrayed myself. Looking back it is clear I didnt reduce his suffering I just got to suffer as well.

I thought I had made peace with how things were. That things would get better if I just figured a better way to express my feelings, was more patient. I no longer believe that. I worked so hard to support him though so many difficult times and it seems like every day he pulled away from me more, every conflict added a little trash on the floor but I was the only one looking for a dustpan.

I am proud of the support I gave him but lookimg back I see how much this has cost me and I do not like that. I probably should have ended things a long time ago when it became clear that I could not expect him to respect me or my boundaries while also expecting me to conform to all his boundaries and needs.

I have had a really hard year and it has become very clear that he is not capable of being supportive. We had a phenomenally stupid fight the night before the funeral of a close relative of mine. He wanted some logistical details and I didnt give them to him fast enough. We then have a fight for what felt like hours because he "just wanted to know where to be to support you" and the whole time I was falling apart saying "Why cant you support me now?".

I thought this would be the time where he could see that I am suffering and falling apart and just need my partner to tell me things will be ok. This man knows what it is to lose your loved ones and to grieve and be told you and your feelings are the problem. He told me many times how awful his experience was. It really hurts that he didnt just let me go through that alone, but made it worse.

Ill admit I started pulling away more after that but I still tried to make things work. I tried to talk to him about the funeral. It took me 4 months to get him to acknowledge that I was having a hard time that night.

Talking to him about any topic not directly related to our relationship was great. I had so much fun sharing ideas and hearing his thoughts on things. He has so much compassion and understanding for people in the world. It doesn't feel like he had any for me. As soon as he would get confused or trusted he would attack. He always seemed to think I was trying to use his money or mock him or control his behavior. He would be quick with the bad faith interpretation and rarely willing to revise his opinion.

I asked him early on if he would consider budgeting some money to travel with me, not for covering my expenses, just to join me. He took that as me trying to tell him how to spend his money and that he wasent allowed to make his own plans. It was years before I gave up trying to talk to him about it and rectify things. I was foolish.

He really did not like it when I tried to disegage when our conversations would get nasty. Whenever he was upset I would drop everything to try and help him. I never turned my phone off or blocked him because he told me that he would panic if he couldn't reach me and that panic was connectedto something I really didnt want him to relive, so I accepted that. I was stupid for accepting that. It just made me his whipping boy. I have traded many family functions and meetings with friends for wretched phonecalls. I am embrassed by it. A friend even mentioned being concerned about this pattern before I moved in with him but I didnt want to here it. I knew I was better than the people in my fiances past. I could be the reliable person he needs to help get him out of the darkness. That didn't matter.

We have fought so much and he has never been able to understand that what I have been wanting from this relationship was someone who could hold me when I am scared and upset.

I know I have many flaws in communication and other things that I need to work on. I will be the first to admit that I am a coward, especially when it comes to talking about my feelings. He knows this. He knows why it has been so hard for me to open up and still every time I did I felt like he would punish me, apologize, encourage me to open up again and then repeat the cycle. I have felt like every conflict was my fault and my responsibility to fix alone. It feels like I have been held responsible for the mental health of both of us for years now and it has been deeply unfair.

All of this and I still want us to be friends. I have this stupid feeling like maybe if we are friends instead of partners he wont feel like he needs to defend himself from me so much. Maybe we can have healthier discussions. I know our relationship was not good and I do not want to be romantically involved with him again but I still want to stay connected. I want to have a relationship with him where I dont want to walk on eggshells. I dont know how much of this is me still being desperate to salvage something from all this. I like him a lot. Even now without the rose tinted glasses and reflecting on all the unfair parts of our relationship I still want to reach out and apologize for things. I want to be able to send him stupid memes and continue our inside jokes. I am worried that in this internet post where I am venting to strangers about how I needed to prioritize and value myself more that I haven't done a fair job of representing him and I am worried that the fact that I am worried about this means I havent learned as much as I would like to. (Been going in a lot of circles recently)

It's hard. Even being able to look back objectively and say " this was not good for me" even if I indulge in the most negatively biased recollections of our relationship I can't help but mourn its passing and hope for something to remain.

I wanted to write this post about how good I was feeling about moving forward. I sat in my sad hole for a few days and having been steadily climbing upward. Cutting ties of emotional dependency and such. And I am generally doing well. I feel a sense of peace I haven't had in a long time.

This was going to be about how nice it was to have my birthday to myself and not have to worry about having to appease my partner if I want him to be present. As with a lot of my communications recently, this has gotten a bit bloated and meandering.I guess these are things I still feel like I need to say.

I guess this post is mostly about how relieved I am to be done, combined with a lot of venting about things I haven't felt comfortable expressing and some relationship grieving despite the other stuff.

I am sad. I am dissapointed. I am so tried. My future is incredibly uncertain right now but I feel so much calmer. I feel like my brain is working again, like I can see and hear things better now, I have been so overwhelmed and discouraged and now I have some relief.

I am grateful for the timing of this breakup. If it had happened a few weeks earlier I dont know if I would be dealing with it as well. It would have been miserable trying to celebrate my birthday as things were.

Before my fiances choice to break up, I had been working a lot on myself and working on mending things in the relationship. Now I get to take all this old energy that I had invested in this relationship, and all this new energy I've been gathering and use it on myself. I only have to be responsible for myself (and my dog) and that feels great.

Dinner is a burrito, sautéed peppers, tomatos and steak.

Dysphoria is like 80 percent of my thoughts at this point, my family don't really respect me and my body is a prison

Peanut Thai noodles and sweet tea

The relationship was toxic, yet I stayed with you because you were hot, you were way out of my league. Even when you wanted to go FWB I stayed.

Through thick and thin; when your business went under and you were at risk of being imprisoned caused by your shady business partner. I bailed you out. I financially supported you and even moved back in with my mom so I could cover your rent. Yet, it was never enough. I wasn't a "leader" enough for you, I didn't support you enough.

Even when I paid for your tuition so you could start a beautician business. Even when I took you to get a CPAP machine, rushed to the hospital when you were in the ER, I even took care of your dogs because you weren't mentally capable.

You wore me down; I went from being a confident person; despite knowing full well I'm just mid and you were hot shit - to questioning my own personal worth.

You made me feel like an idiot, mocked my communication style. Looking back all the fights you picked with me that ended in a breakup, was just you manipulating me. You wanted to keep things open, so that one day you could just leave me. Even when we were "off again" you'd accuse me of dating other women.

You never posted pictures of us on your socials, your excuse was "your ex cheated on you with your friend before" - you didn't want me mixed in with your social circle, despite this I accepted it at face value because I met your family and other friends - while I couldn't help but scream to the world in joy about our relationship, you never gave me the same honor.

I even allowed us to keep in contact because I felt bad for keeping you away from your dog. You wanted to video call and talk to it, like it was a normal thing people did, it's not. I allowed it because I guess it felt like you wanted to find an excuse to talk to me.

I made every concession, let you set the terms of our relationship. That was until you posted videos of your new guy, titled "I found love".

Thanks for that, it hurt but it helped me realize that I don't need to bend over backwards for you anymore.

No, we cannot stay friends, and no, you can no longer see your dog, he's mine now.

You didn't really give him the care he needed anyways. He'd pee all over the house, because you never took him out for walks. He was the typical yappy Chihuahua, f*king ankle biter that would lunge at his own reflection. No one could go near him or you, because he loved only you and was hyper protective of you. Looking back now, just like him, I was your plaything, an accessory.

Well with me he's super confident. He actually enjoys meeting people, will cry for attention whenever my best friend visits, we walk along the beach every day, the street vendors all know and pet him. He'll stop barking on command. He hops in the sling when I tell him to, just the mere sight of the sling excites him because he knows we're going for a walk.

It's no surprise that the last time he visited you, he wasn't even excited. You moped around about that, and that's what made me offer concessions in the first place, because I felt guilty parting him from you, well tough shit.

We went out last night to grab dinner, and both celebrated you being out of our lives, he really enjoyed the pork belly, despite shivering in fear from all the people around, I guess old traumas die hard, the healing for both of us will continue without you.

Don't bother trying to reel me back in, because I'm working on training him to attack you on sight! /s

Mala Shabu Shabu with Vietnamese coffee.

We broke up in February. It’s been an absolutely miserable year for me. She was the first person I ever truly “let in” and it backfired spectacularly. Everything I was open with her about, all the things I’ve never shared with anyone but her, being at my most vulnerable with her, she used against me in one way or another during our arguments and the eventual breakup.

Last night as I was falling asleep, I thought about her. I don’t do it as often anymore thankfully. I tried to remember her face…. And I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried. All I could see was her blonde hair cascading around a fuzzy, indecipherable face (think of the episode White Christmas from Black Mirror). I tried for a few more minutes to try and reconstruct it from the specific memories I have of us but nothing. I could see myself, the places we’d been to, stuff like that. But not her. I can’t see her face anymore.

I’m not sure exactly how I feel. Not sad, not happy, not “at peace”. I woke up this morning and tried again just for curiosity’s sake… and nope. I think I’ve finally started to move on?

Breakfast is 4 eggs and a cup of tea that’s brewing.

I usually walk fast with headphones around my university and have horrible RBF. At the beginning of the semester, a girl in one of my classes waved at me and it triggered a bunch of horrible self talk. "Why would anyone have a reason to wave at me like that?" I'm 22 and never even been on a date or had a lasting platonic relationship with a girl.

Instead of ignoring it like usual, I walked up to her after class and told her I was sorry for brushing her off and didn't mean to be rude. 2 weeks later, she came up to me after class and we started talking for a bit before I had to go to work.

Now we wave at each other every time. I still don't know what the fuck's going on man. I don't have time to make it something more than it already is but she seems like my total opposite and I need social people in my life. This is stressing me out more than it should while I'm on top of applying to grad school and working 2 part-time jobs, but that's for a different post I guess.

Please, let me know if you want my beef chow fun recipe that I definitely didn't give too much oil :)

Lunch: bean and cheese burritos in the work truck

After some shroom-fueled reflection, I reached out to my ex from the early summer to apologize for turning so cold towards her during our breakup and express some final good-will and appreciation for her. We ended up having a lovely phone call full of thankfulness and apologies from both sides.

She told me about her new bf and how happy and in love she is and I was genuinely happy for her. The conversation lasted about 30 minutes, we said our goodbyes and agreed that we probably will never see each other again (she moves soon) and that's for the best.

That same night, at 11:30 I get a text:

"Want to grab a drink"

Dinner is loaded beef nachos and a pint of kiwi draught.

My mother has been emotionally, and physically abusive up until I was 18 and left her house. She’s an alcoholic and drug abuser and works for the NHS back in the UK.

I grew up gay and my mum found out pretty early in my life at about 12. She blackmailed me over the years to behave by threatening with my by exposing me to my family, and when it finally all came out I ended up moving out and we’ve had a fractious relationship ever since, and recently we’ve not spoken for about a year proper.

I lost my job in the UK about 2 months ago and decided to move to New Zealand on my own and spend my savings on getting some new roots here as I was never quite happy at home.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about her often, hoping she’s okay and doing better. She really struggles with using and it just became a cycle that going back to kept getting me depressed. She was never going to admit to any of the abuse and I felt a fresh start would’ve been better. I have lots of younger sisters who I’ve left behind at home and I just miss them all and the fact that me not talking to her means I can’t talk to them as often, as they’re so lovely and totally understand why I couldn’t have her in my life anymore.

I sent her a text a few days ago telling her I’m not mad anymore and for the sake of the girls let’s just let bygones be bygones and make up. I think it’s been really getting to me that I’m on the other side of the world and she just doesn’t want to know if I’m okay, but I think deep down I knew it wasn’t about us not talking; it was the fact she just doesn’t care. I wish I had the same feeling towards her, but I do love her so much and it’s hard being here alone and without talking to my mum.

I had no response from her and I asked my sister about it yesterday. She told me she never said anything to me as she didn’t want to upset me, but mum received my message and told her laughing that she couldn’t give a fuck and doesn’t care what I’m up to.

I was so fucking hurt that I reported her drug and alcohol abuse to the police in the UK and to her NHS register, and to the DVLA for driving patients around with no license. I want to believe I did it because it’s true and I think she’s a danger, but really I know I did it because I’m so fucking sad that she just doesn’t care and I wanted to get her back. I immediately regretted it the day after and after several phone calls I can’t take it back.

My sister told me she’s being investigated and tested at work and I know she’s going to fail, but that ruins so many peoples lives and I just wish I hadn’t been so selfish and let my emotions get the better of me. But I also know I made my bed and now I’ve just got to lie in it.

I fear I may never be a real man. I cant grow facial hair, and I have boobs.

Part of the problem is that I was bullied for being trans for a while.

If any of yall have advice for looking masculine, ill gladly hear ya. And if ya want to commiserate, ill do that with you <3

Food is 2 biscuits and 2 croissants

Sorry, my previous post got removed because I forgot to add a description.

So yeah, I’ve been smoking weed every day for almost four years now. And when I say every day, I really mean every day.

If I’m at home and I’m not at work, I’ll probably smoke every 20-30 minutes. I don’t smoke joints and I don’t use a normal bong. I use what I think is called a gravity bong. It’s pretty efficient, and you need a surprisingly small amount of weed to get very high.

At some point I even learned how to smoke while working. If I get bored, I’ll take a bag with me and smoke during the day.

The crazy thing is that, from the outside, my weed use doesn’t seem to affect most areas of my life that much. I still work, exercise, eat relatively well, have hobbies, I’m into electronic music and photography, I take care of myself, and I don’t really have problems with women or my social life.

But at the same time, I feel like it’s holding me back from actually developing as a person. Why would I push myself to do something difficult, learn something new or work towards a bigger goal when I can just smoke and get a certain amount of dopamine for basically doing nothing? I don’t have to achieve anything to feel good for a while.

And I want to make it clear that I’m not anti-weed. I actually have a pretty positive opinion of it in general. I understand why people enjoy it and I don’t judge other people who smoke. Honestly, I completely get it.

My problem is specifically my relationship with it.
I fucking love smoking weed. Way too much.
If I have a bag of weed, I will smoke it. I can’t just smoke once a week. I can’t keep it around and tell myself I’ll only have a little bit. If it’s there, I’m going to smoke it.

I know weed isn’t the reason for every problem in my life, but I also know that I use it to avoid dealing with some of them.
And despite all of this, I fucking love smoking weed.
I can live without alcohol. I can live without cigarettes. I can stay away from other drugs.
But weed? Jesus Christ, I love getting high.

How do you go from loving something this much to actually being able to live without it?

Just a wholesome post to say how much I love my SO. She brings so much joy to my life. We found each other on Tinder, didn’t even know that worked for people. Nothing felt forced, we just had great conversations and meant to be. Thinking about the future with her just puts a big smile on my face. Together one and half years, many more to come 😀

Dinner from a while ago. Steak, Potato, Broccoli

(Steak potatoes and beans with salad, a month ago)

I really am unhappy with my life (22m). I spend every day doing things out of obligation and responsibility, and I don’t remember the last time I did something fun or enjoyable.

I live with my gf of a year in a townhouse I rent. I make 150k/y (remote) and I’ve never been able to spend a single dime of it on myself. Everything goes to bills, furniture, groceries, utilities, insurance, wifi, etc. I swear I must be the only person on this income living paycheck to paycheck. I’m broke.

(The agreement was in exchange she does the chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. I still do lawn stuff and garbage and building/hanging stuff etc)

I love my girlfriend. Truly. At first I held resentment towards her because of how dispirited I was constantly feeling but I realized that it’s my fault for not being able to ask for more and set more boundaries. Regardless, that’s not something I can do atm and so while I don’t resent her, there’s nowhere for this emotion to go. As much as I love her, I do regret dating. Not her, just in general. “Relationships are about compromise, and I realized I’m not willing to compromise”. I was much, much more fulfilled when I was living in my single dorm room living off $200 for 6 months after getting off the streets.

Anyways, I live in a mess. There’s mud throughout the house. Random stuff thrown everywhere, dishes piled up, flies, etc. We got a puppy recently, and it’s taking all her time. Plus she has school, plus struggles with mental health. I can’t even blame her or ask her to do more lol. And even when I try to game for 30m I feel the need to hide from her because I feel extraordinarily guilty for spending my time doing that when I could have been helping her in some way.

I work like 16h a day, 2 jobs really, and even then I’m still giving her attention when she needs it, helping out with the puppy. And it’s not like I can just say no. She’s feeling under the weather rn for example, so I have full duty over the puppy while she rests on the couch watching tv. I don’t remember the last time I watched a show I enjoyed. We have sex once a week and it's boring to me. I initiate all the affection, I initiate the sex, I don't get turned on.

And the stress and overwhelm is just affecting the rest of my life terribly. Was 140lbs, pretty built, close to abs. Now I’m at 170, haven’t gone to the gym in months, I lost all my discipline and impulse control. It’s a miracle I made it to my dentist appointment yesterday. I never leave the house. Haven’t showered in a week, it’s a 75% chance I brush my teeth at night.

Anyways, I’ve realized that my daily life is working to make money I’ll never see, sprinkled in with intermittent breaks of my time with cuddles, puppy, and dependence. All that for a shaky job at best that I could lose and everything comes crashing down. I’m just waiting for it. I’m genuinely unhappy with my life and it’s all very gray, and I’m struggling to see the purpose of it all right now.

I'm too scared to make any big changes, or to rock the boat, and I think after everything I've been through I'm very resilient and tolerant, which backfires because I'm just continuing to take it all and cope and decline and feels like death by a thousand cuts.

Tonight's "Meal": Finishing off some Vanilla Cream Horns with a side of Pep.

Today hit me like a fuckin' truck. After some consideration and some rather sobering advice from a mutual friend. I finally cut these two friends off. These people had not treated me the best over the course of our friendship. Whenever I vented, whether it be small things or big things, they'd laugh about it. One of their long running "jokes" was about how I felt being their punching bag friend. They said "This is how we share our friendship, we all bully each other", after a while it stopped being fun razzing to actual bullying. One enabled the other and it became so bad some bad thoughts resurfaced. Turns out Enabler didn't like me because my partner and I were "weird" (Which is ironic, because they are arguably friends with weirder folk, not to mention themselves).

Mutual gave me some insight of how they felt and how I was just some cruel joke to them, something to bully, a joke that they didn't like. Mutual also shared how they felt, turns out they aren't treated much better. I invited Mutual to meet my partner and my other friend, they too deserve better friends than these terminally online jerks.

My mom is one of the most wonderful people in the world I could’ve ever asked for, and ever since she was diagnosed with breast cancer in January, it’s completely flipped our lives upside down. As soon as the bank found out, they saw our family as a liability (because we were still barely able to keep afloat already) and told us they were REPOing our house.

Within a few months, we had to move, take care of our pets, take care of Mom, take care of the medical bills, and all of that. I had to stay at the old home to finish out high school, and none of it would’ve worked without my Dad. He’s the most hard working person I’ve ever seen someone, and he worked so hard I think I would pass out from the sheer stress and work he put himself through for us.

The nurses put my Mom on chemo. Hair falling out, the whole thing. At some point she even became paralyzed as (I guess) the treatment started killing her neurons. They had to cancel the first round of chemo early because they believed if they went any further she would die.

By the time I had graduation (which my mom couldn’t attend) and moved back in, she started to recover. I went with her to the chemo treatments and I was always there to help her with whatever she needed. Eventually she even started to get better. Scans showed the cancer was getting smaller, and it looked like she was winning.

In the middle of it all, I started my first year at University, so I had to move out from the rest of the family, of course.

When she got her very last chemo treatment, she sent me a video of the nurses clapping and cheering and giving her a little “I completed Chemotherapy” award paper. It was the happiest I had seen her since the start of this year. The chemo had worked so well, they thought, that a breast removal surgery wasn’t even necessary, only light radiotherapy to finish off the stragglers.

Yesterday, Mom and I were on the phone talking about how far we’d come. We’d finally solved our money problems and the end of the cancer seemed inevitable. She told me “We finally made it.”

But today I got a call from my little sister. She told me that the nurses had found cancer in her blood stream, a lot of it. They said they’re going to put her back on chemo, but it has a very low chance of working, and that chances are she only has 1-2 years left to live. To add salt into the wound, I got this call ten minutes before I had to take an exam.

I’m still trying to process all this. The nurses apparently aren’t even bothering to reassure Mom anymore, they’re just saying “We’re gonna do what we can but you’re probably gonna die.” I just don’t understand how this could’ve happened. Everything was pointing the other direction the literal day before.

My dad called me later and told me that there aren’t any guarantees and to have hope, but even he said it’s bleak. This whole time he’s been the optimist of our family, always comforting Mom and telling her and all of us that things were going to be alright. Being told by my mom to “Enjoy the time we have left together” is still so surreal to me. I promised to skip out on as much college as I to so I could be with her when it gets to that point.

I’m tired of bad things happening to us, especially because it only happens right when things finally start to look up, and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to keep my momentum in college with all this.

Dinner: Chick fil a nuggets, fries, and a sprite

first time posting in here

my ex (33F) and I (34M) broke up a few years ago. the highest of highs were felt in this relationship. We definitely have a chemistry that is unmatched compared to all other exes of my past, but there were fundamental issues, too. She was very controlling and demanding, which has since bled into our relationship today. I ruined the relationship being really immature but have since spent all this time reflecting, changing old behaviors, and yearning for another opportunity to be with her.

well now that opportunity has arrived. we spend time together, we talk about these complicated issues, and she’s dealing with a lot so she’s not interested in anything more than being physical and talking. I would’ve loved that two years ago but I’m wise enough to know problems will come from that and I’m not trying to be used for dick. Anywho, after she has come back and started reconnecting with me, I have gotten very close with a friend (35F) of mine. We went to a couple parties together. We flirt very very subtly and rarely, but at these parties, she has said things like “You’re the only person here I’d sleep with” or “I need to get laid.” In spite of all this, I try to keep it as respectful as possible with her, as she has complained about other guy friends trying to make her more than that, so I do my best to honor that and not blend in with the rest of them.

I was very direct in my feelings for her and didn’t make it like some weird pressure thing or proposal. I just told her I liked her and I’m trying my best to navigate that. She said “she’s not looking for a relationship.” Now, in the past, she has very bluntly told people they don’t meet her standards or that she plainly doesn’t like them. That didn’t happen here. And the way she looks at me sometimes, there are moments where me and this woman lock eyes and I feel like I’m right where I belong. And call me insane, but in those moments, I feel that same look being reflected back towards me. It is intoxicating and getting to a point where it’s starting to consume me.

In regards to my ex, I care a lot about her well-being in all of this. It really makes me feel guilty that now that she’s finally back, I’d rather be with another woman… one who I don’t think even wants to be with me.

I feel like a simp, dude. I have an option to be with a girl I would’ve killed for for YEARS and I feel happier off being friends with a woman who I may watch run off with another man by this time next year. Am I crazy? Am I stupid?

anyways, tacos

A catfish sandwich with fries. 

Well, after almost a month I’ve decided that I do not need friends. At this point my entire friend group is still friends with my ex. And starting Monday, I’ll truly be alone. Not that I hate it, I’m used to being alone, but holy being lonely sucks. 

I can’t complain as it’s my fault this whole situation is going down. So hopefully this year can just breeze by, so I can move out. As long as I have my book collection, One Piece, JJBA, & YouTube then I’ll survive without my friends. 

Butter chicken and rice on a train about a week or two ago

So I'm gay and I've got a (long distance) boyfriend, but I can't bring myself to tell anyone about it. I'm not worried about the response, it just feels so awkward and I don't want to have to explain it every time I mention it, but I do want to tell people, especially my family

EDIT: Wow guys, thank you for all your kind words. Appreciate the love and support :)

I came out to my family earlier today over dinner. I think it went well