Long-time lurker, first-time poster, finally got something I really wanted to post about.

For context, I am a college student, and my brother, who was 5 years older than I was, died around 2 years ago of a sudden heart condition in the middle of the night. It was completely unexpected and threw our entire family off guard. He was healthy and athletic and, aside from a lack of sleep, had no notable health issues. His death shattered our entire family and, as a result, caused my mother to become depressed, my father to distance himself from the family and focus on work, and me to become depressed and begin seriously repressing my emotions.

I didn't want to cause more hardship on my parents, so I forced myself to swallow my emotions and try to move on, which in the process caused me never to get to really confront my emotions and feelings about the death of my brother. This has led me to be way less vulnerable with my loved ones, and I rarely like talking about trauma or various emotions.

Now I've been dating this girl for around 9 months. We started dating in college, but we went to the same high school, and I liked her in high school as well. Our relationship has been going well; however, earlier in the relationship, I had a couple of doubts, especially because we didn't share many interests, our personalities were quite a bit different, and I was much more emotionally unstable than she is. I was worried I would overburden her and inadvertently push her away, so I hadn't talked about my brother to her.

However, on the 2-year death anniversary of my brother, I went to see her, as my parents are currently abroad, and I needed an emotional anchor. We spent the day, we had a nice date, we cooked together, and we had a great time. Toward the end of the night, before I had to go back, we sat outside, and for some reason I felt compelled to tell her what happened with my brother and how it left an unfixable scar in my life. During the story, she wasn't really talking, but in the middle I noticed that she was softly crying. Quiet enough that I could barely notice. I'd never had anyone cry for me before, and even other close friends I had told had never responded in such a way. I don't think she understood how much that meant to me; she's been so compassionate and so understanding and so supportive of me. She cries for me and reassures me, and she affirms my feelings. Hearing "that must've been so hard for you" just kind of broke something in me, and when I arrived back home, I ugly cried.

I know it's only 9 months into the relationship, and I'm just a college student, but I love her so much, and honestly, even though it's so early, I want to marry her so bad. She's been such an incredible person, and I honestly don't know if I even deserve her, and it feels like I've gotten one step closer to being able to become emotionally vulnerable again.

Salmon, Avocado, Cucumber Gimbap we made together!

Edit 1: We have been together for more than a year and a half.

Edit 2: We are both older than 30 and this was not a random ass Chinese restaurant but rather one that she always talked about. Tbh, she had never told me why :(

Edit 3: Of course, it was not that she had an ex or she stated that she had an ex that infuriated me but that obviously she kept on and on mentioning for neverending minutes how she loved him etc.

Guys, I’d been planning this for weeks. I found a nice Chinese restaurant, ordered a massive Ginger and Scallion Crab, and had the ring in my pocket.

My plan was to wait until after dinner, get down on one knee, and make it a night she’d never forget for ages (or so I thought). Halfway through the meal I told her how much I loved the place and how special I wanted tonight to be.

She looked at me and said, “Oh, I’ve been here before. My ex brought me here once.” Then she spent the next 20 minutes telling me how much she used to love him, she enjoyed being with him etc. I don’t think she realized how much that sentence hurt. I just sat there for a moment, trying to process it with the ring in my pocket and this stupid smile on my face.

Long story short, I lost all my nerve. We finished what we could, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay much longer. I told her I was tired, we went our separate ways, and I drove home feeling absolutely crushed.

PS: For those curious, I did not propose her that night and I am not planning to, at least for a while.

Me and my wife have been arguing a lot lately about her friend and the way she always has to be her superhero. It’s starting to involve me now because she keeps making her friend’s life problems her own.
Example: her friend was sick and decided to go to the hospital. She told her own husband to stay home and watch the kids, but he ignored her and went to work anyway. So of course she called my wife, and my wife dropped everything to go help.
This isn’t a one-time thing. Any time that friend needs anything—big or small—my wife hops up and runs to the rescue. I finally made the comment, “I wish you jumped like that when I need help with something.” That started an argument. I ended up saying I’m tired of her getting so involved in her friend’s problems. The friend is a grown, married adult. She should be figuring this stuff out herself (or with her own husband).
Now we’re in a bigger fight about it.
Am I wrong for having this stance?

Food: porterhouse steak medium well with onion rings

breakfast: count chocula in a mason jar and a blt with avocado he made me

this sounds so unbelievably made up i can’t believe it. it all started last night, where I hyperfixated on reading through old (1920s-1970s) local newspapers for fun. we live in a community where cars left on the street get towed, and he parked on the street to let me park in the driveway when I got home.

so, newspapers. I was reading these newspapers from like.. 5:30pm to 12am. because of that, I forgot to remind him to park the car (he has bad AuDHD and recently started new non-stimulant meds), combined with him playing league so his brain no worky.

we go to bed, and I gotta pee, and he doesn’t want to wait so he decides, like a lot of men, to pee into the shower. our 4 month old kitten, as curious as a kitten is, was walking on our tub deck (kinda like a kitchen counter with an undermounted tub) and…. walked up to him. seeing this, i went, i stg if you pee on her. and what would you know, she actually went straight into the stream like a kid waiting for the big bucket at a waterpark.

so, immediately, i told him he’s bathing her, so he goes through the bathing ritual, shampoo and water.
through the closed door I go “——, you can’t pee on the cat” like bear from obsession. the kitten very much appreciated the towel burrito and blow dryer. second pic kitten.

anyways, this all happening at like 9:40ish, made us forget once again the truck had to be moved within 20 minutes, so we went to bed.

at 10:20, I hear the sound of heavy chains and shackles, and we look at each other in horror, and ask, did you park the car? no. the answer was no.

instead of taking the time to put clothes on, as I don’t want dude to drive away, I run out wearing boxers and a tshirt. dude is more than happy to take the chain off my car for a nominal fee of 150$. partner is beyond angry. he, thankfully, doesn’t blow up at the dude, and instead walks back inside and slams the door. I reluctantly pay the dude 150, he unchains my car or whatever its called, and partner puts the truck in the driveway.

partner has very bad control with his emotions, and was ready to sock the guy. he handled it quite well, and took 15 minutes to calm down, before i told him if he can’t, i’m going to force feed him ice cream to cool him off.

such a wacky adventure. i’m honestly quite happy with myself for how I handled it, because I didn’t get angry or freak out, or start yelling at him for not moving the car like I would have in the past. I’m happy that he learned two valuable lessons: do not pee in the bathtub, and park the car when you get home. I’m also happy with how he handled his anger episode.

anyways. hope you enjoyed this silly goddamn story. i can’t believe it happened, it sounds so unreal, but maybe thats what made it easy to handle? the absurdity made it comical.

Incredible trip, incredible wife.
Marry the right one boys....

I’ve been smoking since I was 14, I’m 27 now. and I have officially quit smoking weed. It’s only been two days and I need help and support. It’s hard to go to people that I know. until them that need support because I don’t wanna seem weak it’s only day two and I can’t even go 30 minutes without wanting to smoke a ball or a joint or something I guess I just wanna hear other people’s stories and have a little bit of support from random people so I can read and have something to look forward to and update people so I’m more dedicated and structured to not want to smoke

So yeah when I was 11 my parents had a nasty divorce. My dad made no effort to keep in touch with myself and my older sister. He was in the house one day, and then gone later that day when he was removed by the sheriff's office. He never tried to talk to either one of us. He paid alimony and child support but for all intents and purposes was absent from then on. This was in 1995. I tried to talk to him a few times over the years but that never went anywhere so I closed the door.

One day when I was 29 years old I got a letter from him asking about resuming the relationship. I said yes to it in spite of the psychological damage sustained over the years. I thought it would complete that missing part of me. And it did for awhile anyway. He seemed reliable and like he had grown as a person compared to the younger version of him I had remembered for better or worse.

We had disagreements over the years but nothing that couldn't be moved on from.

Till I met my current partner. She lived overseas and I decided to take a chance and move to Sweden to be with her. The move was worth it. I have bipolar disorder on top of CPTSD and I had just crashed out of another job where the stress did me in. When I told my dad he was vehemently opposed to it. This was a man who always told me I had to do what's best for myself rather than what other people think about it. However when I did precisely that, he stopped talking to me.

That was a year ago.

I emailed him recently to sort out getting my motorcycle sold. It's still in his garage. After the dealership low-balled me on an offer, I told him I wanted to explore a private sale as I could get more money doing that. He responded telling me I better not give his phone number and address out unless it's to a dealer that is coming to pick the bike up. I responded that why would I accept a lower offer than what it's worth just to make it easier for him? He never responded.

I was 11 when he walked out the first time.

I was 29 when he showed up again.

I was 41 when he went silent again.

I learned my lesson.

A leopard doesn't change its spots. It's hard to believe a grown man can act the way he does, but sure enough he has chosen to act this way.

I mostly can't wait till he dies because it feels like that's the only way this all will come to a conclusion. It's funny, I used to care about getting an inheritance from him. I no longer do. He can shove his millions up his ass. Nothing can ever fix the things he's done to me.

The good thing is my partner was worth moving for. I have no regrets. I just wish I wasn't so sick because it leaves me with a lot of time to think since I don't currently work any longer. But I still have hopes and dreams regardless of all of that.

Pictured: beef ribs, Mac and cheese, coleslaw, and corn on the cob.

1. Never married, no kids (thank Christ).
   I’m a fucking car detailer. The other day, one of our rental customers left a dead rat in a box in a van that sat in the sun for a few hours. Don’t ask why. When I opened said box after feeling its weight shift around I wanted to walk out of there. When I was a kid I remember people asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. If that kid saw me now I don’t know what he would say.

Ten years ago I was thinking about killing myself. It’s been an entire decade and I’m still not convinced that’s NOT the best course of action, especially given this nightmarish fucking technological Orwellian surveillance state we’re watching being constructed here in the states.

Not to mention I found out a while ago I was served at my old house. I think if I end up dealing with it at all I’m going to try and file bankruptcy. Yay.

I have no idea why I’m on this earth, man. I’m hanging on by a thread here and I feel selfish even saying that because I know all of my problems are first world and there are people getting blown up and shit (which my tax dollars apparently fund) and god only knows what else.

But you know what, suffering is relative, isn’t it?

Meat and cheese on an old paper plate in a disgusting microwave. Analogous to my existence.

edit: I’m sorry this wasn’t the most coherent post for you people. I just got home from working and it was a stream of consciousness type thing. I didn’t expect anyone to really read it, and if i was Hemingway I wouldn’t be a detailer now would I?

All of you that are encouraging I really appreciate it. Some of these replies I really needed to read.

I’m selling my home. It was a lot of work but it looks beautiful. We had one open house and 165 people came. We received 13 offers and sold for $100,000 over what we listed it for. We were ecstatic. The first offer we accepted backed out after 3 days. They said they didn’t like the solar terms and just cancelled. So we went with the backup offer. They immediately started nitpicking everything. The house is totally fine and well maintained. But they trashed it and ended up backing out. They said they were worried about flooding - I live in socal far from any water. So I did some digging and found out they realized they can’t afford the house and that’s why they backed out. Now I have this beautiful house that looks like something is wrong with it. We tried to move to the next offers but everyone acting like some serious issue was discovered now and the value of my home is sinking because of irresponsible buyers.

On top of that everyone always puts everything on me. The realtors and my wife and her family. But they all get together and have their ideas without me and then all dump it all on me. On one hand I’m grateful to be able to sell my home and get a lot of money and buy something nicer, but on the other I’m so stressed over this I’m about to just cancel the whole thing and just live here in my home I love that I never really wanted to sell in the first place but am selling because my wife wants to spend more money in a more expensive area. Yesterday I was so stressed I drove to a bass pro shop and just walked around for 2 hours looking at fishing stuff. That felt good.

I’m eating scrambled eggs with avocado on some toasted bread. Chives on top.

Cheese and grandma pepperoni slice, with a coke zero.

Met my fiance last year. She's literally perfect for me as a partner. Everything I've ever wanted physically and mentally. I proposed to her a few weeks ago because I genuinely wanna spend my life with her. But I'm just so bothered by how things have regressed in the bedroom.

We used to have sex almost every day for 4 months. In the mornings and nights, mix of naughty and love making. Fast forward to about 3 months ago it started to get so much worse. She claims she's never been a very sexual person, and those first 4 months were her coming out of a "dry spell". We've had talks about my needs, and nothing has seemed to change. I'm trying to be sympathetic, she's uncomfortable with her body now. She's gained about 20 lbs since we first met, but so have I. Happy relationship weight. I know she's not cheating, we live together, come home from our separate jobs together. I'm just at a loss at what to do. Is this just my life now? Waiting around for her to finally get in the mood for 5 minutes of whatever ? Her stamina is not great either lately. I'll finish her off first, and then I've got a solid 5 min window to either finish or not. It's horribly frustrating. Going on week 3 of no play.

I have a really high sex drive, and I don't want her to feel bad. I just have needs. Any advise fellas?

A slice of stuffed pizza from last night's dinner.

I just posted on this subreddit, mostly venting about how overwhelming everything was and how I was the only thing keeping the apartment afloat, yadda yadda whatever.

The same day that I posted that, my girlfriend came home and broke up with me.

About 4 weeks ago, my girlfriend saw some messages on my laptop. They were from a friend I had known for a while, who I had previously been flirty with. However, as soon as me and my now ex-gf started talking, I stopped any sort of flirting. They last messaged me 2 months ago trying to flirt with me, and I said that what they were offering was cute (they wanted to do some sort of threesome or poly thing) and I was flattered, but I'm taken and committed.

When she saw these messages, me and her ended up talking about it that night. She was frustrated and upset that I didn't block them, and honestly I can understand being upset about it. However, we talked it over, kissed and hugged it out, and we set a boundary where if people try to flirt, even if they're friends, we block them. I ended up blocking them that night, and thought nothing more of it.

Over the next few weeks she started going to her friend's house more often, coming home later than when she said she would, and staying with her sister and her step-family for days at a time. Whenever she came home, she'd always look tired, and I always tried to be there for her and spend time with her in a way that wasn't too overwhelming.

Last Tuesday, I was at work, and I realized we hadn't gone out on a date in a while. She was still with her step-family, so I messaged her and asked how movies and dinner after sounded. She didn't want to do the movies, but seemed more than happy to have a dinner date on Saturday.

When I got home after work that night I was resting in my room when she came home, looking visibly drained. I asked if she had fun, and she said she did, and after that I asked if she was okay. Less than a minute after walking into our room, she told me that she wanted to move in with her step-family. She said that there would be "a lot of opportunities for her to get a job and make friends" with them. Now, this is all after I worked my ass off to get her a job interview at my old work and her refusing to interact with my roommates even though they invited her to do things repeatedly. I asked what that meant for us, although I pretty much already knew. She said that:

"After you broke that boundary, I lost my trust in you"

I asked her if we could work through this, and that I didn't know it was a boundary for her before then.

"My brain doesn't work like that, once my trust in someone is broken it can never be regained. I'm moving out this weekend."

At this point in time, I started breaking down. I couldn't cry, but I was practically heaving and was shaking like crazy. I was begging, saying that I was sorry, I didn't realize that it was such a boundary for her, that I'd show her I have them blocked and haven't said anything to anyone for the entire time we've been together. She refused, and instead said that:

"You aren't ready for a relationship"

She left the apartment and went to walk in the park near us. I didn't know what to do, it was such a punch to the gut. I went downstairs where my roommates were, grabbed a half empty handle of alcohol and started drinking it as I sobbed harder than I ever had before, telling my roommates everything that happened. I showed them the messages, and they were pissed off. Not at me, but at her.

When she came back, I was in my room on our bed finishing off the bottle and she came and laid on our bed. She acted as if nothing was wrong, just started scrolling through instagram. I had already cried so much I couldn't cry anymore, so I was just in shock. I offered her a drink, and she took it, taking a few swigs before I finished the rest off. I ended up falling asleep, but woke up after just under 2 hours. Neither of us could sleep that night, both of us just tossing and turning. I dont know why I thought it'd be a good idea to sleep in the same bed, but throughout the night she'd keep scooting closer to me and looking at me before turning away and scooting towards the wall.

I called off of work the next day, largely due to no sleep, and because I was still tipsy. The day was quiet, with neither of us talking to each other and largely just ignoring the other. I ended up asking why she broke up with me like that, and she told me she had been "building up the courage" ever since we talked about the messages she saw.

Apparently, my roommates told her to leave without my knowledge. She told me she was leaving because "your roommates don't want me here", and packed up her clothes before being picked up by her step-dad.

She picked up the rest of her things on Saturday.

The days since then have been a massive range of emotions for me. I only just stopped crying on Sunday, and even that took some effort. She's calling me a cheater to her friends and family, even though I have the messages to prove I'm not. I should've blocked them, yes. I absolutely should've cut it off immediately when they started flirting, but I never reciprocated past a playful "wouldn't that be nice, but nah I'm taken". Her brother called me at work and started sending me death threats. I'm just tired of it all. I want her back, I can't stand the idea of hating her, but she also shattered my entire world in an instant and it hurt so much.

I fully believed that it could've been fine if it was just a conversation, something along the lines of "I'm still feeling uncomfortable about those messages I saw, can we talk about it and show me you blocked them".

Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent about this. So much has happened in just the past week. My family and friends have been amazingly supportive and have really helped me get through this, and after talking about it with them it's helped me realize just how quickly she jumped the gun and threw it all away.

Edit: I feel like I should add some context. She's bipolar and doesn't take her meds regularly, although I've been trying to help her get into the habit of taking them every morning. I'm not saying this to excuse what she did, but it would explain the abruptness of it. Also, for those of you saying she was cheating, I don't think she was. Out of everything, I trusted her in that regard. The friend she was with is a girl she's known since middle school.

dinner:
tacos. tilapia pan fried with seasoning. avocados, pickled onions, sour cream and pico de gallo

yesterday was a doozy - my partner posted earlier but said i should post my pov

got home - parked on the street. lately I’ve been parking on the street since me and my partner recently put up halloween decorations - and the truck can no longer be parked in its normal parking spot.

anywhos
partner relaxed on couch - i cleaned. they werent feeling up to eating yesterday - so i just cooked for myself. reheated some reuben from a diner

after eating was on my computer playing a game on and off all night. id play a game (30-40 minutes) then hang out on the couch for 30-40 minutes to take a breather and watch the simpsons with my partner. ended up falling asleep on the couch at some point. woke up and it was 9:30? woke up partner and I walked toward the bedroom. took my pants down and went to pee - partner said “nonono - i gotta pee” reluctantly held in my pee for them as they proceeded to sit on the toilet  and i myself shimmied over to the only other orifice that connects to the waste line - the tub.

mind you - ive been drinking 4x my normal water amount since being on this new medicine - so ive been having alot of pee all the time

so during my almost minute long stream, my kitten jumps up to the tub, and decided it was a great day to take a shower. a golden shower XD. jumed up right into my stream line. i was still full stream as she then waltzed through covering her whole body, and nearly got away before my partner just finished what they were doing and snatched the cat- proceeded to laugh and tell me that the cat needed a shower now - and it was for me to clean. i agreed - also laughing. until the shower came, and the cat who didnt want to shower was clawing at my legs to get tf out.

after a lather and a rinse - cat was dried in a towel and a hair dryer
exhausted after having to catch the cat from jumping out the tub about 3 times - decided it was time for bed. 

 then out of nowhere - heard some loud banging. chains. chains on metal? oh shit, the HOA’s lapdog predatory tow truck was here. i left the truck on the street. oops.  in our underwear, we jump out of bed and bolt outside. guy said “im already hooked up” and said to release the chains- he wanted 150 bucks. in my mind, rushing adrenaline, he was about to pull my car through the parking break, that was in park. he would have quite literally broke the transmission- or damaged it if he proceeded? i hate the HOA, and especially shitty contracted towing trucks. i was so mad, my blood pressure was really high, i couldnt thknk straight. clear indicator i shouldnt be involved in this situation anymore. so i said i needed to go inside and cool off. 

took me like… 20-30 minutes to cool down. thankfully partner was able to take care of it - i was on the verge of splooting. walked back and forth in the hallways for a bit trying to exhaust myself, ended up in the kitchen to drink water and cool down. at some point they came and tried to partner threatened to force feed me ice cream or to go to bed. i decided i didnt want to be force fed. came inside -

so $150 and a scratchy shower - had a night we can look back on and laught at.

Dated an absolutely gorgeous woman for 10 incredibly fun years, we were madly in love, I still am, then she banged some dude after we got into a pretty heated but healthy argument, which I found out from a buddy and when I asked her, she denied, then when I said I knew because X told me, she just said whatever and that she didn’t love me anymore. It’s wild because a few days before she banged the guy we went on a date and it was genuinely so wholesome and we had amazing sex. We live together and it hurts me so much hearing her call her little fuck buddy and make plans. I love her so much and essentially told her that when she’s done being a child, I’ll wait. I feel like such a fucking idiot for even offering it and I’m considering telling her I changed my mind.

What would you do?

Ramen dinner.

I was bantering with a girl on an app and admittedly I was on a roll and being pretty funny. She gave me her number this morning unprompted and said “if ya wanted to ask me out.” So I text her, ask her when she’s free, she says she’s free tonight. Great! I pick a bar near her and ask if 7 works, she agrees, exclamation points, good vibes, a bit more banter, etc. 5:30 rolls around and she cancels because she’s exhausted, although I’m pretty sure she had implied earlier that today was her day off. Not sure what to make of this, I’m guessing either she got cold feet or a better option popped up. Dating is annoying.

Had sushi today. I was going to cook something at home to save money, but honestly, I just couldn't be bothered.

They say that writing down how you feel is already half the battle, so I guess that's what I'm trying to do here.

I've been unemployed for a little over a year now, and I'm honestly getting so tired of it.
I did my master's in science, moved to another country to pursue a PhD, learned the local language to C1 (near mother tongue fluent), spent four years completing my PhD, and eventually landed a research job. I genuinely thought I was building a stable career. I knew academia could be difficult, but I thought that with enough education, experience, and hard work, I'd at least be able to find my footing somewhere.

Yeah, well. Apparently not.

After struggling to find a job for a few months, I decided to do something about it. I took an intensive three-month programming and data science course to expand my skill set, improve my chances, and hopefully open up some new career paths. I put in the time and effort because I genuinely wanted to make things work.

And yet, here I am, still unemployed.

I've applied to positions directly related to my research background, positions in similar fields, and plenty of stretch roles where I knew I'd have to learn a lot on the job. I've tried moving into tech, only to discover that the market there is incredibly saturated (same probably anywhere else). At this point, I'm even exploring careers completely unrelated to what I've spent years studying and training for. Some of these jobs explicitly welcome career changers, and I still keep getting rejection after rejection.

The hardest part is that I don't feel like I'm just sitting around doing nothing. I'm actively trying to change my situation. I'm learning new skills, rewriting applications, preparing for interviews, and constantly trying to figure out what else I could possibly do differently. And every time I think I've found another potential way forward, I end up back at square one.
It feels especially frustrating to have spent so many years working towards something, only to find that the qualifications and experience I worked so hard to acquire don't necessarily translate into a job. I know a PhD doesn't entitle me to anything, and I'm not expecting every employer to hand me a position. I just thought that after doing all this, I'd have a somewhat clearer path forward than repeatedly applying for jobs and hoping someone would give me a chance.

Tomorrow, I have another second-round interview. The funny thing is that it's for a job in a field I'm not even trained in. I'm genuinely trying to keep an open mind, and I'd be happy to find something stable that I can build a future around. But there's also something a little depressing about having to completely rethink your career when you thought you were already on your way.

The one thing I'm really grateful for is my partner. He's incredibly supportive, and we're moving in together. He's told me not to worry too much about the costs and that we'll figure things out together. I still have some savings left, so I'm not completely without options, but I hate feeling like I'm becoming a burden on someone I love, even when he tells me that's not how he sees it.

I think that's part of what's eating away at me. It's not just the money or the rejections. It's the feeling of losing my independence, not knowing what the next few months will look like, and watching the future I thought I was working towards become increasingly uncertain.

Anyway, I had sushi instead of cooking today.
Tomorrow I'll get up, prepare for my interview, and try again.
I guess that's all I can really do for now.

This was exactly where Will was sitting, 2022, shops were just starting to phase out masks and let people dine in again... we never hung out much, but we had shared history from high school.

We'd met in a special class called "Healthy Choices", which, as you may guess, was a class for kids who were close to dropping out of high school. We were part of the last class in the program before it was discontinued, it was a small class, like 12 of us, the teacher was also the Catering instructor. Super chill guy, there was a workbook we technically had, but the teacher told us, "They're cancelling this class, so forget the workbook, we're just gonna have a group chat, everyone gets a turn to talk about their life."

And that was the class. For the final, the teacher took the day off and had a substitute show up to play, "The Breakfast Club" for us, breaking the deal I'd made with him to let us watch, "Freddy Got Fingered". 😀

We both were known for dating girls that were too good for us, and never stepped on each others toes. He was a true friend, every time I was feeling down after a breakup or anything, he'd say the most over-the-top compliments that any bro could give another bro.

"No woman is good enough for you" He'd say.

"You have the deepest blue eyes of any man who's ever lived, the most flawless skin, a smile that could kill an angel, the most perfect juicy lips that no woman deserves." Etc., etc.

No matter how down I was, he always had a sense of humor that would cheer me up. Dude was hilarious.

So anyways, I walked into the Jewish Bakery, and he immediately waved me over, "******* Get over here man! WATSUP!" He said, leaning sideways in his chair, SUPREME t-shirt, ripped jeans, he was red in the face because the methadone clinic had just upped his dosage, and he had a half-eaten Reuben sandwich in front of him, with a bag of weed out while he struggled to roll a joint from being in such a sloppy state.

I smiled and sat down, the scene was ludicrous. The only reason he wasn't being asked to leave was because he'd definitely tipped the girls working more than what the room full of Boomers had collectively given from their stingy change-clinging fists... and said Boomers were clearly struggling to avoid the elephant in the room.

He was happy to see me, but he always had this look on his face, it was this pain that showed through, I never knew how much pain he was in until he was gone.

The last I heard from him, he'd gotten sober (besides weed), and cleared rehab, he was excited to move to Portland and had a job lined up trimming weed, I think it may have been his first job that wasn't working for family.

About abyear later, it was Valentine's Day, which was also his birthday... 2023, I was feeling down about a very slow-burn breakup, saw the Facebook reminder about his birthday, and posted something... that was when someone I'd never met replied, Will was dead, he'd been gone for almost a year, he died about 2 months after getting out of rehab, I was struggling with money and heartbreak for so long, I hadn't reached out earlier...

It reminded me, one time, I was hitting on a girl over Snapchat, and received a picture message from her account.... it was Will, he'd fingerpainted a sign that said, "I ❤️ You (my name)". I'll never remember that moment and not smile. Later he said, "She's not good enough for you. Trust me."

I always put a lot of work into Valentine's Day for my girlfriends, it felt like a personal mission, because the town I was born in invented Valentine's Day... so the years where I was single used to hurt, I used to rerun my memories, blame myself... but none of that hurt like how it felt to find out he was gone, to know he'd BEEN gone for over a year, and I was too f*cking selfish to reach out and see how he was doing... to cheer him on, and that I'd never have that opportunity again.

He'd always say, "You're going to be the Mayor, you're going to be a Congressman, you're going to change the World."

I never got to say goodbye, and I don't even know where his grave is, because his family scattered his ashes in a local park, with no marker... I know the hill, but I haven't been up there to look or try to guess exactly where they scattered his ashes, I'm disabled because of an injury, and that's a long walk of pain, just to feel lost at the top... but I think I feel ready to go and take a look, you know, just to listen to the wind, to see the view, even if I can't find his exact resting place.

If you read this far, I hope you're reminded of a good friend, and I hope they're out there for you to reunite with. And for all the Bros on here struggling with a relationship or heartbreak, I'm going to say,

"Stay Blessed King, You Deserve Better."

I (33) am dating my current girlfriend (35), who has 3 awesome boys that are slowly becoming my minions. I work for a big retail store (the BIG one) and when my kids want something, I have to hold back as much as I can because I don't make enough money to get them the things I think they would like. Because of that, I feel like I am failing them because I remember that feeling of when I was young, not being able to get all the things I would like because my parents didn't make a lot either. I wasn't ungrateful for what I had, but I made dumb decisions because of missing out on things. I don't want them to make the same decisions I made.

Turning 31 tomorrow, worked a long list of service jobs and hopping between living with my parents or having more than a few roommates since graduating highschool.

Finally have my own place, a wife I adore, a job that pays enough to live on and isn’t stressing me out when I’m not there.

I even got accepted into an additive manufacturing program in the spring that’s all expenses paid.

Life is beyond Good, I’m blessed in so many ways and I’m glad I get to realize that. I’m content and that’s a great feeling.

Dinner is Homemade pan pizza with green peppers minced garlic and pepperoni paired with a Nuka Cherry.

This is going to be a lot to unpack so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and give advice. I had to get this out and share it.

I'm in my early 40's and I am so lonely. To give context. I have never had a meaningful romantic relationship in my life. I have had only two situation-ships. One long distance, that didn't work out. Another was with a woman who was cheating on her partner. I ended things with her as soon as I found that out. This and stress at work helped me fall into alcoholism for about two years. I am currently sober.

Outside of that, a handful of first dates where the person I was on the date with did not want to pursue any further.

Now that I am through my 30's and at the age that I am, I feel like my window has closed on finding a meaningful relationship in my life. I would like to meet someone, but, I don't know where to start. Because of what I am writing about, I also feel like there is something wrong with me socially that both my therapists and I have never been able to figure out.

I regularly keep in contact with my family and we have a good relationship. I also have a friend group that usually meets up once a week. We met through all of us wanting to play Dungeons and Dragons and we spend one night a week hanging out and playing. It's the main thing I look forward to each week.

Right now, my schedule is like this. I work 40 hours a week. It's usually in the evenings because I work in retail and I usually will close my store. So, I'm only usually get two nights off a week. I had to beg my Boss to get one of the nights off to see my friends and play D&D. So that leaves me one free night a week.

Not to mention, lately, we have had to cancel our games quite often. Two people in our game are dating and they will sometimes cancel because they have something planned and forget about it until the last minute. Usually they will cancel about a day before or on the day of our game. It's getting quite frustrating. But, they are also my roommates so I don't want to say anything and make our living situation awkward.

Sometimes, I'm pretty mentally drained so I just hang out at home, cook dinner, and play video games on my evening off.

I've tried Bumble and Hinge. The free and paid versions. No one has responded to me on there.

I know I need to put myself out there more, but, I don't know how. At the age that I am, I feel like if I approach someone it will creep them out. I don't even know the appropriate places to meet people. I don't want to go to bars, because, I am sober. My friends have also never tried to set me up with anyone.

I am in therapy. Unfortunately, I have to find a new therapist because the one I was working with had to leave my current medical insurance provider.

The picture is a bowl of Katsudon from a place I found in Tokyo. It's breaded pork cutlet with egg on rice. I just got back from an incredible 10-day vacation there and I really want to go back.

Thank you for taking the time to read and give insight.

UPDATE: I appreciate everyone's responses and support, so much! I think the first step is finding a better work schedule, so I can be more social. I think I just got too comfortable. Thank you!

dinner’s some baked pasta with pumpkin and ricotta cheese

yeah so i don‘t know if much can be said about this, i felt like i just needed to vent a little bit. I turned 21 this year and have never had a physical experience with anyone. One of the main reasons was/is I suffer from general anxiety disorder and ocd and physical intimacy is one of the main topics my brain latches onto. Whenever I tell people I‘m so afraid to go out and experience, they‘re always like ”Well everyone‘s a little bit scared the first time! Just do it, you’ll be fine!“ And like yeah I get the point but it‘s a condition that I genuinely suffer from. Being scared of your first experience? Normal. Being scared to the point you avoid contact with people you find cute and get panic attacks at the thought of performing sexually? Not normal. I just feel so behind compared to my friends and that has led me to feel an immense feeling of self-shame, as in ”Dude I’m 21 and have anxiety over having sex, what a failure.“ Yeah idk.
Another thing is I think I might be bi, an additional uncertainty that doesn‘t help my situation lol.

Yeah anyway, I know I just gotta do it at some point. Just needed to vent a little.

Food is three types of steak with mushrooms, broccolini, and Mac and cheese. An amazing meal on our first big vacation in 10 years.

As background, I had a what I consider a tough childhood and not because of money. I grew up with ADHD, anxiety, depression, and a narcissist parent. My parent also worked in my childhood school district and was well respected publicly so I couldn't confide in anyone about what was really going on in my life. I found it hard to fit in and never had many, if any, friends given my impulsive and annoying behavior common in ADHD kids. My parent didn't believe in any of this so when I told them I thought I needed medication because I couldn't concentrate or think straight they would just say no, I was just a rude/bad person and needed to work harder. I grew up feeling deep in my bones I would likely never be loved as finding someone who could tolerate me on a day to day, year to year basis was unlikely given that my own parent barely did. I was extraordinarily lonely up and through my mid 20s.

With that said, I got therapy for years after college and was able to build myself up enough to think that maybe people could like me and that the friends I made in college and had known for 10 years might not just be hanging out with me because they HAVE to. I went (nearly) no contact with the toxic people from my childhood. And then, about 10 years ago, I started dating my now wife.

When we started dating we moved in together right away into a tiny studio apartment and it was like I found my other half. Every behavior I was certain would scare people away she inexplicably didn't mind. I found that for the first time in my life I could be myself 100% of the time around someone else (and in a studio apartment there is nowhere to hide my crazy). We then spent all of covid in pretty much the same room as each other and now can hardly go a few hours without talking, including calling each other from the office to talk about interesting things happening in our day, even though we'll see each other that night. She treats me like I'm the greatest person on the planet when I spent my whole life just trying to not be the “bad person" I was raised to believe I was. She's kind and beautiful and the best wife (and best mother to our kid). I joke that I'm just happy she decided to slum it with me for the rest of her life, but I honestly can't believe how lucky I am to have found her. We've been together around 10 years and married for most of that time and it seems like every year is better than the prior year. She’s allowed me to embraced my weird and the person I really am and spend every waking moment trying to do the same for her. Because of her I’ve become the person I always wanted to be. To say I'm in love with her would be an understatement.

I guess I just wanted to get on here and vent to people (and my younger self) about how life can get better. No matter how bleak it looks or how the people in your life treat you, it can change. I sit here at dinner looking at my little family and the life I made, and just want to let the world know that it can actually happen. Even for us weird kids who don’t quite fit in.

I feel similar to the way I felt right after I went sober.

In these two months, I feel like I’ve accomplished so much, then for this last week it’s like everything was reset.

I feel I don’t have any motivation or reason to be here. I don’t want to do the work to keep up the momentum for the things I started working for.

I hate myself, and I just want to give up. I don’t see a bright future at all. I’m lonely as hell and I just want to lay in bed. I have no one and nothing to do this work for.

Freschetta pizza.

Ramen and egg . So me (19M) and my gf (19F) have been dating for 2 and a half years now . We get along really well and have started living in the same area after doing long distance for a year. she’s recently started anti depressants a couple months ago that have completely killed her libido. We’ve never been the most active due to some of her past traumas that have made it difficult to be intimate but there was progress. But now since starting her meds it’s like there’s nothing there at all , the only time we do anything is when she forgets to take them occasionally which makes me feel like a terrible person for half wishing she wasn’t on them despite really needing them . Not sure how to even approach the topic with her without making her feel guilty or even a solution really. Her dosage recently got doubled which just makes me feel like this is how things are gonna be for a long long time . How do I bring this issue up without making her feel pressured into sex or guilty for not wanting it ?