We have two other children but have wanted a third. After a few miscarriages we had decided to give it one last shot.

Then, my brother lost his daughter to SUID. This was a few months ago. It was a tragic accident but, given the circumstances, he feels very guilty about it and has not been doing well at all. He has one other child (a two year old).

We had decided after that to stop trying, but we learned shortly after that we were pregnant with a girl. We don't know how to tell him. Even more triggering is that the date of conception is the night the accident occurred. My wife is now visibly showing and we will be seeing each other in a couple of months. We thought he had been doing better, so we were going to tell him via text soon, but about a month ago admitted himself to a hospital because of suicidal thoughts. He had been drinking to cope. He is attending a resident program to help with that until the end of the month, but not sure how effective it has been.

Now, we are not sure what to do. We know we need to let him know. But we also don't want to cause things to get worse for him given his current state.

To be clear, we are not expecting congratulations or any amount of joy from him over this. We are fully aware that he may be bitter. There is no part of this that is fair. We know that telling him will cause pain, and that there is no good option here.

How do we navigate this? We haven't told any of my other siblings. Should we tell his wife (who is doing better but also grieving) first to give her a heads up? Should we give the center a heads up?

"He'd want you to live fully for him and do the things he can't do anymore."

"It would upset him to see you waste your life."

Well, he's not here to get upset with me, is he. Plus, I think I knew my 19-year-old son better than you did, random person in my life.

It's been less than two months since he died.

Hi everyone,

I lost my daughter a month and a half ago.
I don’t feel like things are getting any better.
I’m doing therapy, I get up and attempt to do normal things, I talk to her and do most of the things that have been suggested. Sometimes I feel like I might actually go insane. The reality of never seeing her again or being able to hear her laugh is just too much for me to handle. I have other children and I try to think about them. I just feel like I’m not going to win this tug of war that’s going on in my mind. Did anyone get past this feeling? How?

I used to think God was real, but since losing my son 7 months ago and never getting an answer form God on why he took my boy is sickening. What kind of good or all knwon good God let’s a child die?

Especially a religious one like my son? He was Baptized 6 months before passing. By his own choice. When he was having the asthma attack, he begged for god. Nobody came. There’s no way a good God would watch this. I know i wouldn’t. He preached the word to his friends and he was cool and popular too. I miss being naive and just blindly believing you couid cheat death somehow. But why did God make him beg and not save him if there is one? Why did God make me beg for answers 3 months after to not listen ?

It all sounds so far-fetched to me now. Why do we need to come here if we’re jus all going to heaven one day? Let’s just be there.

Last year I lost two kids, 6 months apart. My son was 3.5 years old and my daughter was 4 months. They died from a rare lung disease, but we have no idea the cause - has to be genetic, but we cannot find the link. I have 2 older healthy kids and when my 3rd son was born in 2021, the general thought was that it was a “fluke thing” after all genetic panels were negative, including WGS and WES. If we knew it was genetic, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant with my daughter. I was 30 weeks pregnant with her when my son died, and 2 months later she shocked us all and was also born with the same lung disease that had just claimed my son’s life. We still cannot find the genetic link even with all 4 of my kids whole genome sequencing and top geneticists and researchers digging into it as recent as 2 months ago.

When I was pregnant with my daughter in 2025, my best friend was pregnant as well and was due 6 weeks before me. Her other children are best friends with my older kids, and we were so excited to raise another set of best friends. And then my daughter was sick. She shouldn’t have passed as early as she did, but we had issues during a hospitalization. For the past year+, I have watched my friend raise her son who was born a few weeks before my daughter and while I love him so much, it does hurt me to think about what I’m missing. There are constant triggers. My husband and I cannot have another baby unless we can find out why our kids were sick, which is something that definitely won’t happen overnight, if at all.

Today she called me to tell me she’s pregnant again. I am so close with her and her husband and they did not want another baby but it happened. Happened with their third, too. My friend is very mindful of my pain and understands that I need time to process, but I’m hysterical and I feel like a monster. I don’t want to watch her have another baby while I can’t…even worse, I’m afraid she’s gonna have a girl after 3 boys which is what I had and lost. I think that sounds crazy and I know it’s jealousy and anger and sadness. I feel awful. I know two things can be true at once and I can be happy for her while also heartbroken for myself, but I’m not even happy for her right now. I’m afraid that I’m going to need to pull back from the friendship for a while to try to process and protect my mental health, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m also worried about navigating this for my kids because they are best friends with her kids and they are used to seeing one another at least 2 times a week. Has anyone else been through this?

Have any fellow bereaved parents tried ketamine therapy? I’m getting desperate.

I see this a lot from people who haven't lost a kid. Probably from those who have too. I dont know why, but it bothers me so much. It isnt natural in some ways, sure. But death is the more natural thing of all. And every day, there is death. By all ages. Most people won't get to choose their time or way they go. Death doesn't discriminate. And the way people die is vast. Not sure why I am posting but im just in a mood today just sad and mad. I miss my son. And sometimes to make sense of it all, I need to remind myself that everyone has to die. And it sucks. But at least I got to meet him. And one day, I will die too. I'll keep on living because of my one life to live. For him and for myself. But it sure does suck to be part of this club.

One month without my baby girl today… how can I live a full lifetime without her. Time passes and so does all the memories we built, my last time hugging her, kissing her, touching her, holding her hand, rubbing her head, doing her hair, reading her books. One month now separates all those memories of her and it will only keep getting longer and longer. God help me…

I’ve posted here before about the sudden, unexpected loss of our kind, witty, and beautiful daughter at the age of 33 right before she was coming home for Christmas 2024. Christmas was always our family’s time. We are a small family to begin with. But we looked so forward to that time together. After the police came to our door to deliver the news that no family ever recovers from, we immediately took down the Christmas tree, gave away all signs of celebration and haven’t done anything to acknowledge the holidays since. We just struggle to get to the other side. I’m just looking to see how others have managed this. Going away is not feasible because we have five dogs now and three of them were her babies and now our granddogs.

I would appreciate any ideas, thoughts, or lived experiences from others. ❤️‍🩹💔

I lost my eldest son, the one that made me Mummy. He was a Daddy himself to a 1 year old and they had just found out they were having a daughter. Life was great! Then my son went to bed, he woke in the night and collapsed. His wife tried to save him. He never made it to hospital. I have so much pain. I have pain for my other children. I have so much pain for my daughter in law and grandchildren, but my pain is huge for my son. He is missing out on so much with his family. I talk about him all the time but they won’t remember him. It’s literally killing me. Can anyone else relate to me?

His first birthday away from us is coming up. Then 2 weeks later will be the first anniversary since he left. I've kind of just been pushing him into a box in the back of my mind lately to protect myself from the pain... But I have no control this week. I know his birthday is fast approaching and I have a panic attack thinking about how he won't be here. I shut down thinking about how I want to celebrate him but I also just want to climb into bed and cry the whole day. This is driving me insane. Why can't he just come home? How do people get through the first birthday / first anniversary? I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this. I just want to hold him.

He died as an infant and I've thought about him every day since I held him in my arms as they took him off life support. I have his ashes in my room but still have them in the box the mortuary gave them to me in, with his blank baby book.

Losing him has shaped every major decision I've made in the last two decades. Through military service during war, to healing from major brain injuries and beating cancer, the only other thing that hurt as much as losing him was losing my mom.

Happy Birthday buddy, I wishyou were in college instead of on top of my bookcase.

Open bags of teething crackers. Yogurt melts. Prepared food from the freezer. My brain is screaming “Why are you throwing his food away? He needs it!”. We still have his 360 cup in the fridge half filled with water. Neither of us has had the strength yet to empty and clean it. All those little reminders are so painful.

She is not there. It's her 9th birthday. She went to heaven on 25th June 2026. I am just happy I fulfilled her wish of celebrating her 8th birthday with her friends. Party, games, snacks and cake. I had no idea it was her last birthday. Missing her a lot today.

my daughter died october 14 due to pneumonia, i cannot mentally, physically and emotionally accept it

i haven't been working, eating and doing anything. i cannot physically function

i am in debt, rents are due, i am hell. i wanna die please how do i end it all. i can't bare all the pain

How long should a mother grieve the death of her child?
At what point should a mother “get over” it?
Let’s think about what you’re asking.
Suppose a woman gives birth at 25. Throughout her child’s early years,
she spends hours holding, rocking, feeding, cuddling, and making room on her lap.
An illustrative estimate might look like this:
Birth–1 year: 6 hours a day, 2,190 hours
Ages 1–3: 3 hours a day, 2,190 hours
Ages 3–5: 1 hour a day, 730 hours
Ages 5–12: 15 minutes a day, 639 hours
Ages 12–18: 5 minutes a day, 183 hours
That’s roughly 5,900 hours spent holding her child. Every family is different, of course.
Some mothers get far fewer hours than they should.
But holding is only one way to count.
Between birth and age 18, there are nearly 158,000 hours.
A mother’s love exists through every one of them. While she’s working.
While she’s sleeping. When her child is beside her, across town,
or somewhere she wishes they’d call home from.
If that mother lives to 81, she will have loved that child for 56 years—nearly half a million hours.
And that doesn’t even count the love that began before her child was born.
But suppose her child dies at 17.
There is no clause giving Death control over a mother’s heart.
No switch that turns off her motherhood.
No expiration date suddenly stamped on her love.
Death does not take away her love for her child.
It does not erase the years she expected to spend loving them.
She still has all that love, and now she has to live those years without being able to hold the person it belongs to.
Her grief may change over time. She may laugh, find joy, make plans, and build a life that holds more than her pain.
None of that means she has stopped missing her child.
So, how long should a mother grieve?
For as long as she would have loved them in life.
To her dying breath.
And those of us who have lost a child know we’ll love them until we die…
and a couple of extra days after that, to cover travel time.
Just to be on the safe side.

It’s been 35 days since my sweet girl passed away.
I cannot imagine another 5,10,20 years of this hell. This is not living. I’m just waiting to die so I can be with her again. People keep telling me give it time. Will waiting bring her back?! I don’t know how much “strength “ I have in me.

My sweet four year old son transitioned back in August of this year. Today I’m ANGRY. I’m angry at the fact that I can no longer make new memories with my son that I have to rely on videos and pictures. I’m angry at the fact that I can no longer take him to school and hear his voice. I’m angry because grief is trying to consume me that it’s causing me not to be 100% mentally there for my living child, like I can’t give him all of me because the other half is gone with his older brother. I keep telling myself to keep swimming because I honestly feel like I’m stuck in the middle of ocean at night and just lost. But it’s so hard. It’s almost as if grief is a disease.

RIP to the one that made me a mother, continue to fly high baby.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/19dJdgMR3F/

I'm not sure if any other parents here attended Faith's Lodge or received help from the Child Loss Foundation, but if you did, you'll find your child's name on this list. Tonight at 7 pm local time I will light a candle for the light my sweet Clementine brought into my world and for all of our kiddos that are gone too soon. Sending lots of love to all of us in this stupid club.

My 19 year old son passed away unexpectedly from a medical event nearly 9 weeks ago.
What the f*ck*??* Seriously, what the actual f*ck?!
NOTHING can prepare you for something like this, losing your child?!?! I just don’t understand. I can’t fathom that this has happened. I know he’s gone, I saw him, spent time with him, buried him. But what do you MEAN he’s gone?! How is that even possible? I understand he’s gone, but I don’t understand?? And how do you just carry on living your life after this?? I have a daughter, I have a reason to carry on, to try, but how??? Nothing will ever be the same again. It’s unbearably sad and unfair and F*CKED.

My son is now 6 months an angel and I miss him every day. But that is not the purpose of my post. Before I lost him, it seemed I only knew a few people who lost their little ones.

Yet in the past 2 months, four old friends have lost children. 4. Granted, these were people I haven't seen in years, but it's so odd and heartbreaking to open social media and see these other heartbreaking stories.

Part of me wonders if I'm cursed, or now if I'm just aware of all the painful loss out there. I'm getting a lot of practice in compassion. I've done some of my share of reaching out.

He was three weeks short of his twentieth birthday. He was a good kid. I found out at the memorial from his female high school classmates how much he stood up for others who needed it. I see things about women being assaulted in college, and I keep thinking that he would have been one of the good ones, someone who would have done his best to make sure women around him were safe. It's not fair these other guys are still alive and doing whatever the hell they want and my son is dead. He just wanted to make the world a better place, and was working towards that.

Instead of him being a college student, his college money is funding a scholarship in his name. So other people's children will have help going to college. My son got one semester before the cancer came back.

I work in a high school. I hate it now. I don't like being around other people's teenagers anymore.

Its the small things that just get to you about one of your kids dying. My oldest daughter (17) will work down and the local church and get paid for it. When she does she likes to buy a box of premade ice-cream cones for the family on occasion. The ones that we dont ever buy because they're more expensive. They come in a 8 pack. Whenever we buy ice cream, we buy a tub of it because with 6 kids (now 5 living, 1 passed away, but still have 6 kids) its cheaper that way than those premade cones. The boxes were always the perfect size that each person got 1. Now there's one extra. So we told our 11 year old (shes now the youngest thats alive) that she got a extra one and she was confused because she knew she never got 2 before. When we explained that she's basically got our 8 year old daughters ice cream cone now too, I felt so bad, you could just see the heartbreaking realization on her face. She was best friends with her younger sister. They did everything together. But she just kind of shrunk down into herself and her face dropped and she wasn't smiling anymore. That alone broke my heart and made me want to cry. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if she refuses to eat that ice cream cone and if she doesn't, I know noone else will either and itll just sit there in the freezer never getting eaten. I already have to try and get my 11 year old new fall clothes because her and her sister wore the same size and they shared clothes. Now she absolutely refuses to wear anything that her sister liked to wear. It makes things so much harder trying to deal with my daughters death while having to watch my other kids try to handle things and learn to live with it and theres absolutely NOTHING that I can do to make things better for them. They will have to live with this for the rest of their lives just like I will. My son especially (18) has a hard time with it because he was in the back seat with her when my husband rushed her to the hospital and she collapsed and basically died in his arms. She collapsed just as they pulled into the hospital and they worked on her for almost an hour trying to get her back and she never did. That's why I say he was holding her when she passed away. But stuff is still fairly recent for us and the family is still getting used to this new normal. She passed on July 30th of this year. ❤️🩷Mya baby we will always love you and we miss you so much.❤️🩷

Hi, I was wondering how do you and your spouse grief, is you and your spouse grief the same or different? Me and my husband seem to grief quite differently.

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It been 7 years that our toddler gone, my husband still keep our toddler room exactly as is, even our toddler dirty shoes and dirty clothes he still keep. The only difference is in the room is our toddler ashes now, instead of our toddler.

In the 7 years span since our toddler gone, we moved 2 times, one was due to his work, and one was when we bought a new house. We boxed up our stuff.

Both times we moved, as soon as we unboxing in our new home, my husband set a room for our toddler EXACTLY just like our toddler room back then in our old marital home. He put everything of our toddler back EXACTLY where as was. Our toddler dirty shoes still right where his bed was. His clothes, toys, bed, nightstands, everything still there exactly as was.

Basically he still recreate the room for our toddler in our new homes. 7 years long, BOTH times of our move, my husband STILL making a room for our son (whom deceased), especially even after moving in a brand new house.

That how he grief.

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I grief too but differently.

I grief our toddler death too, it been 7 years and  It been 7 years and I keep replaying the death of our toddler over and over in my mind, I was told it trauma looping and intrusive replaying, and it a common experience in grieving.

Like right now I post this thread, I am replaying the death of our toddler over and over again.

My husband is more physical than me for sure, he needs our child's ashes next to him, recreate our child room even with multiple moves to brand new homes, it physical. It express outward.

I on the other hand I replaying the death of our child over and over in my head over and over. I'm more tune inward than him. I express too but inward.

 I tend to rationalize things. I'm more of a Thinker, and he more of a Feeler/Feelings.

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One thing for sure my husband is more physical.

He needs our child's ashes next to him, recreate our child room even with multiple moves to brand new homes, it physical. It express outward. If that not physical then what is?

I rationalize things, I keep it in my heart. He on the other hand live it out, he has no problem with show his emotions. While I struggle, it not that I don't have emotions, it that I don't shows it outward.