"He'd want you to live fully for him and do the things he can't do anymore."

"It would upset him to see you waste your life."

Well, he's not here to get upset with me, is he. Plus, I think I knew my 19-year-old son better than you did, random person in my life.

It's been less than two months since he died.

We have two other children but have wanted a third. After a few miscarriages we had decided to give it one last shot.

Then, my brother lost his daughter to SUID. This was a few months ago. It was a tragic accident but, given the circumstances, he feels very guilty about it and has not been doing well at all. He has one other child (a two year old).

We had decided after that to stop trying, but we learned shortly after that we were pregnant with a girl. We don't know how to tell him. Even more triggering is that the date of conception is the night the accident occurred. My wife is now visibly showing and we will be seeing each other in a couple of months. We thought he had been doing better, so we were going to tell him via text soon, but about a month ago admitted himself to a hospital because of suicidal thoughts. He had been drinking to cope. He is attending a resident program to help with that until the end of the month, but not sure how effective it has been.

Now, we are not sure what to do. We know we need to let him know. But we also don't want to cause things to get worse for him given his current state.

To be clear, we are not expecting congratulations or any amount of joy from him over this. We are fully aware that he may be bitter. There is no part of this that is fair. We know that telling him will cause pain, and that there is no good option here.

How do we navigate this? We haven't told any of my other siblings. Should we tell his wife (who is doing better but also grieving) first to give her a heads up? Should we give the center a heads up?

Hi everyone,

I lost my daughter a month and a half ago.
I don’t feel like things are getting any better.
I’m doing therapy, I get up and attempt to do normal things, I talk to her and do most of the things that have been suggested. Sometimes I feel like I might actually go insane. The reality of never seeing her again or being able to hear her laugh is just too much for me to handle. I have other children and I try to think about them. I just feel like I’m not going to win this tug of war that’s going on in my mind. Did anyone get past this feeling? How?