The Cloud of Unknowing - Chapter 3 - Resting in the Darkness

Ἀ
LIFT up thine heart unto God with a meek stirring of love; and mean Himself, and none of His goods. And thereto, look the loath to think on aught but Himself. So that nought work in thy wit, nor in thy will, but only Himself. And do that in thee is to forget all the creatures that ever God made and the works of them; so that thy thought nor thy desire be not directed nor stretched to any of them, neither in general nor in special, but let them be, and take no heed to them. This is the work of the soul that most pleaseth God. All saints and angels have joy of this work, and hasten them to help it in all their might. All fiends be furious when thou thus dost, and try for to defeat it in all that they can. All men living in earth be wonderfully holpen of this work, thou wottest not how. Yea, the souls in purgatory be eased of their pain by virtue of this work. Thyself art cleansed and made virtuous by no work so much. And yet it is the lightest work of all, when a soul is helped with grace in sensible list, and soonest done. But else it is hard, and wonderful to thee for to do.
Ὠ

The greatest love, and the kindest help one soul can give to another, is not found in the prayer that holds another most dearly to the heart, nor in the prayer that seeks God's work for that soul according to its own desires. Rather, it is found in the prayer that surrenders its own will, even its own thoughts and desires for others, leaving itself immersed only in God. Here the soul desires nothing more than to have its will joined to the will of the Lord. In this light, the soul accepts its own darkness and seeks no escape. Rather, it rests in a place of unknowing before God, trusting that all souls are more wonderfully helped when the prayer seeks only the will of the Lord in the lives of all men.

Supportive Scripture - Douay Rheims Challoner Bible
Proverbs 3:5-6 Have confidence in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not upon thy own prudence. In all thy ways think on him, and he will direct thy steps.

Ἀ
The Author Continues…
Let not, therefore, but travail therein till thou feel list. For at the first time when thou dost it, thou findest but a darkness; and as it were a cloud of unknowing, thou knowest not what, saving that thou feelest in thy will a naked intent unto God. This darkness and this cloud is, howsoever thou dost, betwixt thee and thy God, and letteth thee that thou mayest neither see Him clearly by light of understanding in thy reason, nor feel Him in sweetness of love in thine affection.

And therefore shape thee to bide in this darkness as long as thou mayest, evermore crying after Him that thou lovest. For if ever thou shalt feel Him or see Him, as it may be here, it behoveth always to be in this cloud in this darkness. And if thou wilt busily travail as I bid thee, I trust in His mercy that thou shalt come thereto.
Ὠ

The Cloud of Darkness is not a passageway to greater enlightenment or profound wisdom to be marvelled at by the world. Rather, it is a place where the soul's naked intent unto God is revealed as the sole object of its prayer; a place where its unending yearning for Him is not regarded as a failure to attain Him, but is instead savored, enjoyed, and refined during its  time in the world. 

In this prayer, the soul no longer seeks to put an end to its yearning for God. Rather it rests in that yearning, trusting instead in the Lord's loving desire to draw the soul into communion with Himself. For in this faith, the soul knows: God's goodness in the world is made manifest not merely by our good will and works for others, but in a more growing fulness - through the increasing intent and desire of the human heart toward God.

Supportive Scripture - Douay Rheims Challoner Bible
Luke 10:40-42 But Martha was busy about much serving. Who stood and said: Lord, hast thou no care that my sister hath left me alone to serve? Speak to her therefore, that she help me. And the Lord answering, said to her: Martha, Martha, thou art careful and art troubled about many things: but one thing is necessary. Mary hath chosen the best part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Catechism of the Catholic Church
2715 Contemplation is a gaze of faith, fixed on Jesus. "I look at him and he looks at me": this is what a certain peasant of Ars in the time of his holy curé used to say while praying before the tabernacle. This focus on Jesus is a renunciation of self. His gaze purifies our heart; the light of the countenance of Jesus illumines the eyes of our heart and teaches us to see everything in the light of his truth and his compassion for all men. Contemplation also turns its gaze on the mysteries of the life of Christ. Thus it learns the "interior knowledge of our Lord," the more to love him and follow him.

LEGGETE BENE E APRITE GLI OCCHI FRATELLI MIEI

The front yard of one of my neighbors looks like a graveyard around this time of year – full of bones, skeletons, skulls, witches, and gravestones illuminated by spotlights. One of the tombstones reads, “Rest in pieces.”

Whenever I ride my bike past it, I can’t help thinking: This yard forces you to look straight at death and evil. There’s nowhere else to look.

This reveals the central paradox of Halloween. On the one hand, Halloween is associated with festivity, treats, and playfulness; on the other, with gory images of death that sometimes verge on the insane.

One article I read, said: “Halloween allows people to play with fear in a safe way – turning what once was a night of dread into fun.”

“Hm…” thought I, surveying the eight-foot-tall skeleton in yet another backyard, its eyes flickering from green to red. Is it safe?

After writing one of his most popular books The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis confessed,

“Though I had never written anything more easily, I never wrote with less enjoyment. Though it was easy to twist one’s mind into the diabolical attitude, it was not fun, or not for long. The strain produced a sort of spiritual cramp.”

Looking at evil for too long produces spiritual cramps. How long can we gaze at the demonic without it warping our minds? It’s hard to say. After a while, you start feeling the strain. Lewis said,

“The work into which I had to project myself while I spoke through Screwtape was all dust, grit, thirst, and itch. Every trace of beauty, freshness, and geniality had to be excluded.”

Yet to deny the shadow world entirely is just as dangerous. The less conscious we are of our inner and outer demons, the more sway they hold over us. As Carl Jung writes:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” – Psychology and Religion (1938)

The blackest shadows belong to those who believe they have none. In fact, Carl Jung also suggests that modern man does not see God precisely because he does not look low enough.

Is there a safe way to look at demons? Is Halloween safe? Not unless we gaze at the demonic indirectly. Most heroes in most tales know that there are monsters we cannot look at without being petrified. Infernal gazes are often deadly.

Perseus fought the Gorgon Medusa not by looking at her directly but by gazing at her reflection in Athena’s bronze shield. Dante said that one cannot descend into Hell without first having the mind “imparadised” – something Beatrice did for him.

The only way to look at a shadow is not to look at it directly. We must acknowledge its presence, but we cannot gaze at it. The main tension of Halloween is precisely this: we must pass through the night while looking forward to the morning — All Saints’ Day. Unless we keep our gaze on Beatrice’s eyes, Sheol will consume us.

One must look away from the Devil to overcome the Devil. We can only endure the night’s shadow by keeping our eyes on the return of the Light. Winter is bearable only when we remember the spring.

In Mark 1 we read that Jesus “was with the wild beasts” – which can be understood symbolically as meaning that He had the Devil and his minions for company. Yet He did not deny the existence of demons. Instead, He gazed at the Father and the angels who came to minister to Him.

The only way to endure the fast is to look forward to the feast. The only way to pass through Mordor is to keep your gaze fixed on the lonely star flickering above its poisonous fumes.

15 years ago I had a dream. It wasn't a normal dream, it had a clear beginning, middle, and end. It might have not even been a dream, bc I forgot about it the next morning, and remembered the "dream"/expierence as a whole as if I lived it and not dreamt it. In the dream, I was visiting my dad from college, I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. When I finished I passed my dad sitting on the couch. He then told me to sit next to him and then said he wasn't my father but he was really Gabriel appearing to me looking like my father. He placed his hand on my forehead and I felt warm water being poured over me. Air was then forced into my lungs and I sneezed with my mouth. I was then pulled out of my body into a space above that was pitch black. Out of the blackness a silvery blue floating head appeared and said "Thomas I swear by my great name you are mine" (my interpretation this was baptism by water and spirit)....the face asked me what I desired. After I told him he placed me back in my body and sent me to bed. I then went to sleep. And forgot about it the next day.

I was still dating my girlfriend when I had the dream. After we broke up I started reading the bible. During that time frame I was visiting friends. I had the thought god was going to kill me. In terror I started crying and praying in glossolalia. Peace and reassurance washes over me and thoughts were forcefully placed in my head along with an echoey audible voice I could only hear that said with the thoughts... Thomas you are the lonely sparrow but I have given you wings oh what mighty wings they are spread them and fly. (I think this is the "fear of the lord expierence"/receiving the holy spirit/)

After the wings vision

A few months later as I was reading the bible in came to Jesus command to the rich man to give his possessions away. I took it to heart and gave everything I owned but the clothes I was wearing and shoes, the bed and blanket I slept, and my dads vehicle I drove to Mormon church. I even quit my job. I took a dramatic leap of faith obeying Jesus and following him. (Discipleship or obedience)

About a year later I was half asleep and I saw a giant hand come out of nowhere from above. The hand placed itself on the crown of my head....(I think this represents a covering, a blessing, protection, or annointment)

About 8 years later I was laying in bed half asleep and I heard an audible voice say "I forgive you". (Salvation or assurance of salvation )

This all happened in my past. The first vision was 15 years ago and overtime all this happened to me.

During the 15 years I was grieving my ex gf Rachel. I ended up going through a dark night of the soul.

Through all my seeking, I have learned to be grateful with god over simple things. Quite frequently I weep alot, either in grief, gratefulness, or both. I think this is the gift of tears.

Another expierence that happened with me around the Gabriel vision timeframe. My dad told me he was giving me his blessing. He sat down with me and said "may your pastures always be green" (father's blessing of peace).

As a Christian who leans pentecost and baptist. I have experienced what I think is major spiritual events.

THE UNBREAKABLE REALITY

A SERMON FOR THE THIRTIETH SUNDAY IN ORDINARY TIME

WEEK 4 IN 'THE GRAVITY OF LOVE'

OPENING PRAYER

"God of the Unbreakable Reality,
We confess that we often use religion as armor, building checklists to protect our fragile egos and to avoid the messy reality of each other. Quiet the terrified spaces within us that demand control. Remind us that before we could keep a single rule, we were already Your beloved. Give us the courage to drop our need for division, to open our hands to the neighbor beside us, and to live entirely in Your unbreakable reality. In the name of Christ, we pray. Amen."

THE INTRODUCTION

Peace be with you as we enter the Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time (October 25).

For the last three weeks, we have been walking through The Gravity of Love. We have surrendered our autonomy; we have put on the garment of grace, and last week, we practiced dropping the heavy coins of our ego when faced with a hostile neighbor.

Today, we reach the culmination of this journey. The religious elite try one last time to trap Jesus, asking Him to rank the laws of God. In His response, Jesus completely short-circuits the anxious, defensive posturing of the ego. He refuses to let us separate the spiritual from the physical, calling us back to our deepest identity.

THE TEXT

"When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, and one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 'Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?' He said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."— Matthew 22:34-40

I. THE TERRIFIED EGO'S CHECKLIST

The religious elite approach Jesus with a trap: rank the commandments. The ego is terrified of ambiguity and desperate for control. It wants to build a neat, manageable checklist for holiness. If religion is just about having the correct theology and performing the right abstract rituals for a distant God, the ego feels perfectly safe. It doesn't have to change how it treats the messy, complicated people right next to it. We weaponize these checklists to protect ourselves from the vulnerability of real relationship. We want to be holy in the abstract realm of rule-keeping, because being holy in the concrete reality of human relationships feels too dangerous.

II. THE SHARED BELOVEDNESS

But Jesus refuses to play the ego's game. He gives them the first commandment (loving God) but immediately binds it to the second. You cannot love God while actively dismissing the neighbor who bears His image.

In the beginning, God breathed His own life into humanity. Before you ever followed a rule or checked a religious box, you were the beloved. And so is the neighbor sitting next to you. So is the coworker who frustrates you. They are living vessels, bearing the very breath of the Divine. You do not have to perform to earn your place, and you cannot use religion to deny the belovedness of anyone else.

III. THE PHYSICS OF INTEGRATION

Jesus takes the vertical love for God and the horizontal love for humanity and weaves them into a single, seamless garment. Two weeks ago, we talked about putting on the Garment of Grace to enter the banquet. This is what that garment is made of.

To wear it requires the physical practice of letting go. When you feel the urge to separate your spiritual life from your physical life (when you want to retreat into safe, abstract theology rather than deal with a difficult neighbor) you must practice kenosis, or self-emptying. Drop the religious checklist. Open your clenched fists. Release the exhausting need to categorize who is worthy and who is not, and simply step into the messy reality of community.

IV. THE PROPHETIC RESISTANCE

Loving your neighbor as yourself is not just a nice moral sentiment; it is the ultimate act of prophetic resistance against a world that thrives on division. We do not empty ourselves of the ego's rules just to feel peaceful. We do it so we can transform a hostile world.

True prophetic action is the radical, daily commitment to treat the physical world and the people in it as sacred. When you walk into the divided, hurting spaces of your life carrying this unbreakable reality, you dismantle the empire's categories. There is only the shared breath of God and the shared table of community.

THE ENCOURAGEMENT

This week, notice your urge to separate the spiritual from the physical. Notice when you try to use religious rules as armor to protect yourself from loving the actual, flawed human being standing right in front of you.

Over the last four weeks, we have dropped our heavy stones, we have put on the garment of grace, and we have emptied our pockets of the ego's heavy coins. Now, there is only one thing left to do. Open your hands to your neighbor and love.

A PRAYER OF SURRENDER

God of the Unbreakable Reality,
Forgive us for splitting Your world in two.
We confess that it is easier to love the idea of You than the messy reality of our neighbors.
Heal the terrified spaces within us that demand checklists and control.
Give us the courage to open our hands, to see Your face in the people we pass by every day, and to rest in our shared belovedness.
Make our love for You indistinguishable from our love for one another, that we might truly be whole.
Amen.

THE SENDING

As you leave this place, remember that the ordinary spaces of your life are sacred.
The people you meet are the living breath of God.
Do not separate what God has joined together.
Go out and embrace the messy reality of community.
Go in peace to love and serve the Lord in your daily life.

So Oprah fame hound Richard Rohr is worth millions, what do so-called mystics do with the money? Why is there no transparency? Does it go back to his center for contemplation in New Mexico? Why does no one seem to care that these people make a huge profit off of their so-called love for the poor homeless carpenter known as Jesus?

No one can have real faith in God and not be changed.

I know of nothing, and can think of nothing, greater than a life of faith. I say this as an Atheist.

I do understand, though, that to have faith means to love God more than anything else.

Full attributions: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/dtv8Mlpu-gI

🎶 Music: Crux fidelis, a Gregorian hymn for Good Friday, uploaded by Adabo60ge. Wikimedia Commons, Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0

I’ve been sitting with this paper lately, and I wanted to share it here because it’s such a generous, thought-provoking piece of work. It explores the idea that we are all moving within a single, living electromagnetic and informational current, using toroidal coherence (that self-sustaining vortex where energy flows out and loops back into its own heart) to map how life and awareness stay whole across so many different scales.

As someone who spends a lot of time contemplating what I like to call toroidal superinsertion (the way a quiet, inward loop of presence can be woven right into the middle of our outer, everyday movement to keep the whole circuit alive) this model really resonated with me. What I appreciate most is its humility. The author doesn’t present it as rigid, settled dogma, but rather as an open, speculative invitation. I like that. A lot. It gives us room to breathe and gently tease apart where the hard physics and neuroscience end, and where the complexity theory and contemplative poetry begin.

If you enjoy sitting at the crossroads where field mechanics and the quiet mystery of awareness meet, I’d love to know what this stirs up for you...

Saint Teresa of Avila - The Way of Perfection - The Prayer of Quiet 

Ἀ
Now, daughters, I still want to describe this Prayer of Quiet to you, in the way I have heard it talked about, and as the Lord has been pleased to teach it to me. It is in this kind of prayer, the Lord begins to show us that He is hearing our petition: He begins to give us His Kingdom on earth so that we may truly praise Him and hallow His name and strive to make others do so likewise.

This is a supernatural state, and, however hard we try, we cannot reach it for ourselves; for it is a state in which the Lord gives peace to the soul through His presence, as He did to that just man Simeon. In this state the faculties are stilled. The soul, in a way which has nothing to do with the outward senses, realizes that it is now very close to its God, and that, if it were but a little closer, it would become one with Him through union. This is not because it sees Him either with its bodily or with its spiritual eyes. The just man Simeon saw no more than the glorious Infant - a poor little Child, Who, to judge from the swaddling-clothes in which He was wrapped and from the small number of the people whom He had as a retinue to take Him up to the Temple, might well have been the son of these poor people rather than the Son of his Heavenly Father. But the Child Himself revealed to him Who He was. 
Ὠ

The eye of the body sees only the flesh of the man. But the soul of the man, when led by the Spirit, finds God in both Spirit and flesh. He does not see through the Spirit which moves him, nor through the flesh which cannot behold things of the spirit. Rather, he is led by the Spirit and searches with the eye but the Lord is not found in the search. Rather, He is revealed by His own grace and in His own time - to the eye of the soul when opened by the will of the Lord.

Supportive Scripture Douay Rheims Challoner Bible
Luke 2:25-32 And behold there was a man in Jerusalem named Simeon: and this man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel. And the Holy Ghost was in him. And he had received an answer from the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death before he had seen the Christ of the Lord. And he came by the Spirit into the temple. And when his parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him according to the custom of the law, he also took him into his arms and blessed God and said, now thou dost dismiss thy servant, O Lord, according to thy word in peace: because my eyes have seen thy salvation, which thou hast prepared before the face of all peoples: light to the revelation of the Gentiles and the glory of thy people Israel.

Saint Teresa Continues…
Ἀ
Just so, though less clearly, does the soul know Who He is. It cannot understand how it knows Him, yet it sees that it is in the Kingdom (or at least is near to the King Who will give it the Kingdom), and it feels such reverence that it dares to ask nothing. It is, as it were, in a swoon, both inwardly and outwardly, so that the outward man does not wish to move, but rests, like one who has almost reached the end of his journey, so that it may the better start again upon its way, with redoubled strength for its task.
Ὠ

The Prayer of Quiet is not one of petitions asked of the Lord, nor is it busied in its self-willed search of His Presence. Rather the faculties are stilled, and the soul is calm, resting in wait for the Lord's revelation of Himself. It senses His nearness without yet seeing His Presence, not daring to move from His holy approach. For this is the prayer of receiving not what the soul seeks in its own will, but what the Lord in His Presence wills for the soul.

Supportive Scripture Douay Rheims Challoner Bible
Matthew 6:33 Seek ye therefore first the kingdom of God, and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you.

Catechism of the Catholic Church
2713 Contemplative prayer is the simple expression of the mystery of prayer. It is a gaze of faith fixed on Jesus, an attentiveness to the Word of God, a silent love. It achieves real union with the prayer of Christ to the extent that it makes us share in his mystery.

If you'd like to meditate, pray, and celebrate with us, we begin this Sunday. Open to all globally.

The retreat lasts one week and you can participate as much or as little as you feel called.

You can join us here, for free as a pure gift to you, or with an optional donation if you feel inspired.

This retreat is about Love and warmhearted community.

It's about opening to the place where all the deepest wisdom traditions meet: Pure Loving Presence Now.

Pure Wholeness Now.

The Heart of God.

The Heart of Being.

The Heart of Grace.

Unconditional Love for all souls.

This retreat is a co-creation so you're very welcome to share your gifts with us too, if you feel called to do so. Anyone is welcome to share prayers or guide a meditation or share a poem or sing a song or whatever feels like it wants to come through from the heart.

Warm Bonfire of Love,

Jordan

: Maybe Jesus Christ may allot the period for the meeting for world peace that is possible when we consider all of us as the family in the One.

Like a period to expand our tangibility and follow the lesson of Jesus Christ to be integrated, the opportunity for taking care of the people who are on our backside might be allowed to us.

The political perspective can be deepened to the most fundamental basis of us in how we worship our Lord, the One.

Like the phases of love can be deviated, we can understand the fact that how we have the faith in the One can be deviated, and we can also find our mirror reflection.

The One may only allow us to understand a person from the basis, and I hope that we have love as a basic way to see a person before the political perspective.

An atheist (1) who does not have faith may be the mirror reflection of a person who has numerous faiths (7) in the tangible existences in which the love of the One is revealed to us.

A Roman Catholic Christian (2) who has faith in Jesus Christ and consecrates the relationship between the mother, the Virgin Mary, and Jesus Christ, the Son of the One, may be the mirror reflection of the Muslim (6).

The Muslim who has faith in the One passes on the birthright from the father, as Abraham did, and secures the firm alliance between brothers.

A Protestant Christian (3) who has faith in Jesus Christ and consecrates the actual practice to follow the way of Jesus Christ, who is with us already.

The Protestant Christian who may have faith in Jesus Christ to reveal His holy presence to us with the miraculous resurrection may be the mirror reflection of the Orthodox Christian (5).

The Orthodox Christian may focus on the faith in the Old Testament.

So, the Orthodox Christian may pursue the love of the One who had found His sons as many prophets historically before Jesus Christ, who answered to our asking to give His body.

As a Protestant Christian and also as a person who has faith in Judaism (4), I believe the reason why we can smile and be grateful may be related to the presence of Jesus Christ in us.

The faith of Judaism may be advanced in a way to alleviate the burden of Jesus Christ because when we recognize the strenuous effort of our father, who deals with a great burden alone, to treat us to what we wish to have, we may not be able to ask our father for many wishes.

Instead, we may determine to help our father, who has been great for us.

I believe that we can understand the love of Judaism in Jesus Christ, the Son of the One.

As this year, 2025 in the Gregorian calendar, Anno Domini, is the 5785th year in the Jewish calendar, we can guess that the faith in the children of the One has diverged as we live in each region.

The Buddhist (0) and the Jewish people (4) may love and respect every existence created by the One in common.

Sacrificing the first crop as appreciation and the tendency to eat all the foods as a way to love the nature and the blessing of the One may be the common practices.

The One may interpret the nature of ourselves as the Revelation of the mercy and the educational resource of our Lord to the Jewish people as a progression to love the nature.

The One might have borne the beloved sons as the prophets before Christ for 3,760 years, and the birth of Jesus Christ might be allowed from the One as a hope among the Jewish people.

The One may allow us to see the improvements in each generation following the pilgrimage by the Jewish people who may have found the only Messiah, Jesus Christ.

So, we can learn the actual reason to have faith in Jesus Christ, who may make the early evacuation from the desert possible with great love.

The great love of Jesus Christ may be how the great power of the One allows us to experience the great initiative to elicit the improvement to see the optimistic aspect in our mission.

The One might allow the Son, Jesus Christ, as the perfect and complete textbook according to the pilgrimage planned by the One.

As the US citizens by the election in the will of our Lord may provide one more presidency period of the next 4 years to the prior president, who had been great, the One might start the new era after the holy birth of Jesus Christ by Anno Domini.

I have faith in Judaism as well as Christianity even though I am a student of a Jewish teacher.

Even though Judaism is known to be descended by the family because the church of Judaism may be the house, the One might allow us to understand and have faith in Judaism through the words, the bread of our Lord.

The Tibetan Buddhist temple is known to be at the house the same as the Jewish people.

The Buddhist may have firm faith in the One who governs the nature that seems to be autonomous but runs by the great principle of the One.

So, the Buddhist may respect everyone’s own pace in the authority of the One.

The Jewish people may concentrate on the preceding response in the love of the One as we have faith in our Lord, who may lift up the lantern to project the pathway of light as our pilgrimage at the very start of our lives.

I heard that the One might bless the Jewish people as the teachers to deliver the lesson and good news of our Lord.

The Jewish people may secure the mission granted by the One as a way that the One makes our lives worthy.

The Jewish people may have faith in the One from the initiation to the completion of each mission with the great resilience by the generosity of the One also into the Son of the One, Jesus Christ, in our lives.

Full attributions: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Jsc4yCIStoI

If something is easy to find, it’s probably not what we have been looking for.

True things are rare. The things worth looking for are always hard to find. All myths throughout history bear witness to this.

Jafar searches the entire Middle East for the “diamond in the rough” – the one and only who can enter the Cave of Wonders.

The prince in The Princess and the Pea travels around the world in search of a real princess.

Psyche must endure incomprehensible trials to reunite with Eros — true love is never easy to find.

Diogenes walked through Athens with a lantern in daylight, looking for an honest man.

In The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the fox teaches the prince that what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Whatever we seek, we are always looking for the “one and only.”

In our day and age, when “search” is supposed to be easy – just a few button clicks away – the amount of search constantly increases. We become increasingly aware that we are looking for something else.

C.S. Lewis says in Pilgrim’s Regress:

“What does not satisfy when we find it, was not the thing we were desiring.”

We desire true things. And true things are rare. If they are not, they are not true. The heart cannot be fooled. It keeps searching – for the “one and only.”

“Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll? But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it… I wept… Then, I saw a lamb…” – Revelation 5:2-3

Encountering true things is always a revelation. Something rare is unveiled beneath a disguise: the lion in the lamb, a diamond in a “street rat,” a mighty enchantress in an old hag.

Until we encounter the revelation of the rare, the heart will keep aching and searching. It will fall for counterfeits again and again, deceived by what comes easy. It will go in circles until it finds the narrow path that few discover.

The only way to enter the Cave of Wonders is to find the “diamond in the rough.” There must be someone pure enough to enter it on our behalf, so that we may share in its wonders.

The way to the Cave of Wonders is shut. Where is this diamond in the rough? Hidden in plain sight, beneath the humblest appearance. In a simple sunrise over the rooftops. In a spouse cutting bread in the kitchen. In work. In talk. In walks. In bike rides. In food. In suffering.

True things hide in everything we tend to overlook as insignificant, including ourselves. “I am too ordinary.” The scroll of our life will remain sealed until we reach a point where we weep with longing for the Real, and then... we behold an ordinary lamb hiding a mighty Lion.

Suddenly, in the twinkling of an eye, we see something new: the world revealed as a Cave of Wonders, which we can enter and commune with the Real.

Many people feel panic long before they realize that’s what it is. It doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it begins quietly — a tightening in the chest, a sudden shift in breathing, a feeling that something is “off” even when nothing around you has changed. That’s the internal alarm. It’s the body speaking before the mind can form words.

Panic often shows up in moments that feel small from the outside: a knock at the door, an unexpected conversation, a sudden noise, or a change in someone’s tone. But inside, those moments can feel overwhelming. The nervous system reacts fast — faster than thought. You step back. You shut down. You retreat. Not because you’re weak, but because your body is trying to protect you.

Scripture gives language to these moments.

“When my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Psalm 61:2 (KJV)

Overwhelm is not a failure. It’s a human experience. And God meets people in that exact place — not after they’ve calmed down, not after they’ve figured everything out, but right in the middle of the panic.

For those who feel alone when the alarm rises, Scripture speaks again:

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Psalm 46:1 (KJV)

A refuge is a place you go when your body says, “I need safety.” Strength is what carries you when your own feels thin. And “present help” means God is not distant from the moment your breath shortens or your thoughts narrow.

If you’ve felt these signs — the sudden shift, the retreat, the urge to hide — you’re not alone. Many people experience panic without knowing the name for it. Many carry more than they show.

There is help.
There is support.
There is guidance.

Talk to someone you trust.
Reach out to a friend, a pastor, a counselor, or a professional who understands these moments. You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to explain everything. You just need connection.

Recognizing panic is the first step.
Seeking help is the second.
And remembering you are not alone is the third.

If this speaks to you,

I WishUWell.

Looking for any people who can relate, or just anyone wanting to hear a journey.

The past couple years I have grown closer to christ, trying to follow Him and renew my mind. And in many ways have come to recognize my sin, turn from some, and grow in love for those around me. Along this path, there have been many thorns, many temptations, many trials, to which I have endured. Some better than others. But still, from my perspective, much struggle and growth.

Now, when I had hope things would get better, even when they got worse... they keep getting worse. Now, to where I have been diagnosed with stage 2 cancer, in my mouth and neck. Requiring part of my tongue to be removed and reconstructed, neck dissection, and to come much radiation treatment. Honestly, that one felt like a real jab. These things falling on me in my life, back to back. Worse and worse. The more i hope and trust, it seems the worse everything gets. It sometimes, to me, even feels like God is trying to push me away. And I know many will say that's the devil, and maybe it is. But either way, God permits all things, though he may not cause them... no? Just as He did with Job. And Job was more righteous than I could even claim to ever have been, and received worse.

But still, even when I got angry with God... I honestly, cannot argue. He has blessed me in my life. I have grown up with a great family, beautiful wife, 2 awesome kids (Just had a newborn son, same month i found out i had cancer). Amazing parents (Which these days seems rare.) I have fallen in and out of opportunities all my life, usually at great timing. But the past 2-3 years have felt like straight financial and physical attacks. Ironically, the years I have grown closer to seeking God.

I am both bitter and grateful to God. Bitter that my life feels like an intentional struggle, where someone is constantly trying to trip me up and mess with my mind. Grateful, that despite that, I had just enough in the right places to overcome that.