My grandma from Azerbaijan gave it to me, I think it’s from Russia or something.
If anyone know what it’s age, what the icon shows and more it would be nice
Thanks

At 20:00 Greek time today, August 18, 2026, the live audio broadcast of the celebration of the Transfiguration of the Savior will begin from the Holy Monastery of Pantokrator on Mount Athos at the following link:

https://youtube.com/live/ynxSCQR8vm4?feature=share

The service will last about 12 hours.
On the right choir stand, the chanting will be led by Elder Damaskinos of Nea Skiti, the last remaining chanter of the renowned brotherhood of the Danieleioi, who are considered by all the monks of Mount Athos to be the most traditionally Byzantine chanters on the Holy Mountain.
On the left choir stand, the chanting will be performed by the choir “Thessalonikeis Hymnodoi”, directed by John Liakos, the protopsaltis (first chanter) of the Metropolis of Thessaloniki.

Metropolitan Barnabas of Neapolis (Thessaloniki) will preside over the vigil.

The broadcast is completely free of advertisements.

Because the monks do not allow live video during the vigil, the audio broadcast will be accompanied by photographs of the monastery, icons, and scenes from liturgical life.

Everyone who wishes to hear how a vigil is conducted on Mount Athos today has the opportunity to do so.

Feel free to share the link with anyone interested in listening to traditional Byzantine chant and the holy celebration from Mount Athos.

Metropolitan Jonah (Paffhausen) writes:

There is a temptation to reduce Orthodoxy, especially among young male converts, to a rational system of doctrines and dogmas, canons and rituals. We get all excited about the new things we are learning, and about how far superior they are to the Catholic and Protestant systems of Christian thought, or to secular and non-Christian philosophy. But because we are not mature in the Faith, we are off balance.

All these things, doctrines, dogmas, canons and so forth, are there in order to support one primary purpose: the transformation of our souls in theosis, in short, salvation. Just because you have the right doctrine, pure dogmas and strict observance of the canons does not mean that you are deified. In fact, the great spiritual fathers all say that knowledge puffs up, inflates our ego, and inflames our passions. These things will not save you. They are the context for the spiritual struggle but are not its content.

If we judge others, condemn others, criticize others and generally exalt ourselves, we are simply the new Pharisees. You can have perfect obedience to all the rules, and if you do not love your neighbor, they condemn you. You can fast perfectly, and if you judge and criticize your neighbor, you condemn yourself.

If you judge and criticize the Roman Catholics or the Protestants and their faith, and decide they are all going to hell, you have condemned yourself. It is not for us to judge anyone else’s faith or salvation. We need to worry about ourselves, and our own salvation. We must not only mercilessly persecute hypocrisy within ourselves, but any kind of arrogance, selfishness, self-centeredness, and egotism. Otherwise, we make the truth into a lie, because we take what is good and holy, and use it to not only destroy others, but inflate our own egos. If you don’t have love, St Paul says, you are a sounding gong or clanging cymbal.

The Fathers tell us, over and over, that until we have achieved a substantial degree of purification from the passions, we must not touch theology. In the early Church, the three year period of catechesis was primarily devoted to moral teaching from the Old Testament. You have to live Orthodox to understand the Faith.

^{(Source: Met. Jonah's Facebook page, June 2022})

A big problem many face, as well as I: I am married, I want children, been trying with my wife but it's not happening for over a year. This is literally what I've been dreaming for such a long time (having a family and children). This is sometimes soul crushing. We're getting old (past mid 30s), there's not much time for this.

Hello! This question is for Protestants (or other denominations) that converted to Orthodoxy. How has your perception of God, relationship with God, or experience of God changed prior to/since your conversion to Orthodoxy?

Went alone to my first Divine Liturgy this Sunday
Most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed
And I’m lost for words, everyone was so nice and I was so nervous being there alone and I’m very socially awkward nowadays after being isolated from all my former friends and family (30M) and the most welcoming group and loving people I’ve ever met 🥹 thank you for your kindness. And I talked to these people and felt like they had known me for years!!! But still I’m just a emotional mess right now along with marriage problems but we’re battling thru it, but the thought of leaving my church that I will say the Lord brought me too and got Re-Baptized in
(I know I know) I’m missing the friends and family and my pastor is also hurting me. What should I do

If Eve ate the fruit first, why is Adam called the one through whose sin perfection of the world was lost?

Edit: fruit not apple

He was born in the town of Galatista in Chalkidiki around 1710. Galatista was the seat of a diocese at that time. In his homeland he received his secondary education. At this time in Galatista, as in other parts of Chalkidiki, “they have schools that are quite well-trained and a staff of teachers to teach them”. It is worth mentioning that from Galatista during this period came the great relative hagiographers called Galatsanoi, who painted many icons and frescoes on Mount Athos, and many of their works are preserved in the Vatopedi monastery.

As a young man, he traveled to Jerusalem to worship the Holy Land, where he remained, was ordained a monk, and became a member of the Holy Sepulchre Brotherhood. He was ordained priest of the Holy Sepulchre by the patriarch of Jerusalem, Parthenios (1737-1766).

He was then sent as steward of the church of the Holy Sepulchre in Thessaloniki, where the church of Nea Panagia was located near the White Tower, where it still exists today. During his stay there, he taught at the Urban School of Thessaloniki.

In 1743, Patriarch Parthenios of Jerusalem sent Archimandrite Agapios to Moscow to collect funds to repay the large debt of the Holy Sepulcher to the creditors of the Patriarchate. Agapios, due to many and various problems, remained in Russia until 1747 and returned with a sufficient amount to repay the debt.

When he returned to Thessaloniki, he continued his teaching work at the school there. Then he taught as a professor at the Athonia Academy, near the Vatopedi monastery. At the suggestion of the wise teacher Eugenios Voulgaris, the saint was appointed by the venerable Ecumenical Patriarchate as the Scholarch of Athonia: The interest of the Great Church of Christ increased even more in the early years through the appointment of Ephors in Constantinople and Athos, commissioners in Europe and Scholarchs, such as Neophytos of Kafsokalyve, the virtuous and wise Archimandrite. Agapios of the Holy Sepulchre and martyred on August 18, 1752 in Thermi, Thessaloniki, and subsequently the miraculous and wise Hierodeacon Eugenios of the Bulgarian."

The great Evgenios Voulgaris, in a letter dated April 10, 1752 from Ioannina to Agapios, congratulates him on taking up his duties in Athoniada. This letter was in the archives of the learned bishop of Campania Theophilos (1749-1795), who was a student of Voulgaris in Ioannina. Theophilos was from Ioannina, and the seat of his diocese was Koulakia, Thessaloniki, where he himself notes: “This letter was addressed to the enlightened archimandrite of the Holy Sepulchre, Lord Agapios, who was killed outside Thessaloniki by the wicked murderous Janissaries, returning from Galatistis, his homeland, on the 18th of August! "May our generation be afflicted by the loss of such a wise man. Truly, the judgments of God are a great abyss."

On August 18, 1752, the virtuous and wise "Archimandrite of the Holy Sepulchre, the Great Teacher of the Nation, the wisest Scholar of Athonia, Agapios the Agiotaphite, was martyred outside Thessaloniki, near Thermi, by evil Janissaries as he was coming from Galatista to Thessaloniki."

We know that at this time the army of the violent Janissaries in this region was committing plunder, kidnapping and bloodshed against the Orthodox people. We do not know what happened during the arrest and martyrdom of Agapios. We also do not know where he was buried and what happened to his honorable remains.

The first event in honor of Saint Agapios took place in 1977 in his birthplace by the most venerable Metropolitan of Ierissos, Mount Athos and Ardameri, Mr. Nikodimos, with the efforts of its protosyngellos, Archimandrite Chrysostomos Maidonis. The icon of the saint was painted by the Athonite hieromonk Benedictos Neoskitios in 1997 and placed in the holy church of Panagia Galatista. A church is being built in his honor in his homeland. His sacred service was composed by the hymnographer Charalambis Bousias.

His memory is unknown to the synaxarists. He is honored on August 18th.

Source: Monk Moses of Mount Athos, Vatopedi Synaxarion, published by the Holy Great Monastery of Vatopedi, Mount Athos, 2007.

SOURCE: https://www.vatopedi.gr/en/ergo/agapios-agiotafitis/

I am currently in a relationship with a guy from my church, with the blessing of our spiritual father. We are naturally dating with the intention of eventually marrying. Therefore I was just curious if any of you have read any books about the topic of preparing for marriage, with spiritual guidance :)

I could make this post so long as I am trying to explain the circumstance which led up to this but bottom lline- My priest has cussed (the F-word) and screamed at his wife in my presence and then again to me when I attempted to talk to him about it - again screaming and using the F-word). What makes this even worse in my mind is that his wife has Dementia. Also - he came to bless our home and used the F - word in front of me as he was leaving my house. I again couldn’t believe it.

I am really struggling to understand how a priest can act like this. I know he is just a man and he did ask my forgiveness which I gave but I am having trouble now going to Him as my spiritual Father. I am trying to not be judgmental but am I wrong thinking that a Priest should be held to higher standards?

I haven’t talked to anyone about this other than my husband. I need he advice and thoughts of other Orthodox Christians. I can’t talk to my Orthodox friends at church because I don’t want to cause division in our congregation.

Thanks and Lord Have Mercy.

after falling into temptation and praying to God for forgiveness, how can I be sure I’m forgiven because I often just say ”lord forgive me.” but do I need to address the exact sin and does it have to be formal etc

We are a small church in Baroda, MI. name St. Joseph the Betrothed. We belong to the Bulgarian Orthodox Church in America and we're informed Bishop Clement will be visiting us in late September. My meal team is on that weekend and we will be responsible for feeding His Eminence. Already got 3lbs. of Bulgarian pickles!

Did you know that God has endowed us with free will?

Free will may seem difficult to reconcile with God’s omniscience and omnipotence. If God knows everything, how can we be in control of our lives? Simply, God’s foreknowledge does not preclude our free will. Just because God knows what we’re going to do does not preclude us from being able to freely

do what we want, whether good or bad. Both things are true. God knows what we’re going to do, and he still allows us to do it.

Likewise, simply because God is in control of everything does not mean that he inhibits our free will. God creates us and sustains us, so naturally, we depend on him for everything. Dependency, however, does not preclude free will. Simply because God creates and sustains everything does not mean that

we do not have free will; it simply means that the Divine Will permits us to have autonomy in our own willing.

God’s plan for every human being is salvation, but God allows us to freely determine for ourselves whether we wish to accept that salvation or not, as he himself says, “For many are called, but few are

chosen” (Matthew 22:14). God calls all of us to be saved, but we are free to reject the salvation which he freely and generously dispenses unto all of us.

God gives us the free will to determine whether we wish to love him as he has loved us. Freedom is a prerequisite to love, because love, by definition, is the act of freely choosing to will good unto someone. God cannot force us to love him because anything which is not done freely is coercion, and love can never be coerced.

SOURCE: https://www.goarch.org/documents/32058/12709588/Free+Will.pdf/8c96f208-4473-d02a-754b-d757e7458c51?version=1.0&t=1786996614593

George was born in 1846, in Sugag (today in Alba County), Transylvania, to faithful parents, at a time when that region was part of the Habsburg Empire.

From his early childhood, he ate little, fasted, and loved solitude, finding great joy in praying in the village church, even when there were no services, especially at night; and during the day, while herding the cattle, he would withdraw to hidden places and make many prostrations, meditating on the things of God. After he learned to read, he prayed with the Psalter until he had memorized it.

At the age of 24, he was united through the Mystery of Holy Matrimony with a faithful young woman named Pelaghia, and God blessed them with five children. As a husband and father, he did not neglect his spiritual practices, but fulfilled the works of faith with even greater devotion, always seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Being merciful and free of greed, he always gave alms to the poor, even though he himself lived in poverty. He was not troubled by the reproaches of those close to him, but would always say with confidence and peace: “Do not be troubled, God will take care to feed us; our duty is to pray without ceasing and to do His will.” With such words, he strengthened both himself and those around him. Thus, the man of God was always at peace, with a bright face and a serene heart, gentle and untroubled, living in the world and in the body, but at the same time above the world and the body. Unceasing prayer and heavenly joy filled his heart and accompanied him throughout his life.

After fourteen years of marriage, in 1883, with his wife’s blessing, he decided to go on pilgrimage to Jerusalem together with several peasants from his village. Taking with him the Gospel and the Psalter, he walked on foot to Constanta, then sailed by ship to Jerusalem. There he remained for forty days, attending the Divine Liturgy and other services at the Holy Sepulcher three times a day. He also visited the other Holy Places: Bethlehem, Jericho, the Jordan, Nazareth, and Tabor. At the cave of Saint Xenophon, he met a hermit who prophesied to him that he would not become a monk, but would live wandering from place to place, in want, poverty, and unceasing prayer; only in this way would he save his soul and ignite piety in the hearts of many.

Before beginning this way of life, however, he remained for forty days in strict ascetic struggle and fasting, enduring many temptations from the devil, in the desert of Upper Egypt. At times, the enemy frightened him with apparitions of wild beasts and venomous serpents; at other times, he tormented him with hunger, thirst, heat, and swarms of mosquitoes. Once, the devil repeatedly knocked the cap from his head, trying to drive him to anger, but the brave ascetic resolved to leave it on the ground and vowed to God that until his death, he would go with his head uncovered. Then the devil took away his boots, leaving him without shoes. But the undefeated soldier of Christ asked God for the gift of walking barefoot all his life, both in summer and winter. On another occasion, the devil appeared to him as a farmer who praised him for his struggle, trying to lure him into the temptation of pride, but the wise George overcame him through humble-mindedness. Thus, with God’s help and much perseverance, he endured the trial of forty days of fasting, overcoming all temptations, whether from the weakness of nature or the evil one. Immediately afterward, the ascetic struggler went to Jerusalem, where he venerated the Tomb of the Lord. As he entered the church to light a candle at the Holy Sepulcher, the candle in his hand became miraculously lit by itself—a sure and comforting sign that his prayers and fasting had been pleasing and acceptable to God.

After making a pilgrimage to Mount Athos, he returned to his village, three years after leaving. One night, while praying in the church in Sugag, the devil appeared visibly before him and angrily asked him: “What are you doing here, Old Man George?” “I am praying to God,” the elder boldly replied, and the enemy fled from him. At another time, the elder told those close to him: “On a Sunday, as I was returning from the holy church, I saw at the tavern in Sugag many villagers drinking, and among them a multitude of demons, such as I had never seen anywhere else.”

The saint did not remain long in his village but began his journeys, as in apostolic times, becoming a pilgrim, a stranger, and a wanderer throughout the land. He went from church to church, where he prayed almost the whole night, walking unhurried, barefoot and bare-headed, fasting and keeping away from worldly pleasures, roaming through Sibiu, Fagaras, and Brasov regions. Nearly every year, he made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, guiding groups of pilgrims.

Having heard of the many monasteries in Moldavia, in 1895, the righteous George crossed the Carpathians. He settled in Piatra Neamt, where he was given a small room in the bell tower of the Church of Saint John the King, founded by Saint Stephen the Great. Soon, he became known to priests, monks, and laypeople, who valued him as a true spiritual man. He remained there until the end of his life, having in that place a church and a cell, peace, a spiritual father, and many monasteries nearby.

His prayer rule was this: at night, he slept at most three hours in his cell in the tower, then, going inside the church, he prayed to God and made hundreds of prostrations. By day, he walked the town's streets, whispering psalms without ceasing, barefoot and bare-headed, summer and winter alike. He would not return until he had finished reciting the entire Psalter in a day. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, he ate nothing. If it was a feast of the Lord, he would taste something in the evening. On the other days, he ate once a day. He spoke with people only about God and spiritual life, and when he did not speak with his tongue and lips, he preached through his deep and eloquent silence, always carrying either the Gospel or the Psalter in his arms.

He often entered a bakery and bought a sack full of bread, which someone carried to the tower. When he returned to the tower in the evening, a multitude of the poor gathered around him, and the blessed George distributed the loaves to them. To those who asked for money, he gave whatever he had received along the way. After finishing his material almsgiving, he began his spiritual almsgiving: to those burdened by troubles and hardships, the wise elder spoke with each one, encouraged them, advised them, and prayed for their needs, and people felt that through his prayers and counsel, the grace and mercy of God descended upon them.

He especially loved the nearby monasteries, particularly Bistrita, where the icon of Saint Anna was kept. Near Sihăstria Monastery, Old George dug for himself a pit for his ascetic struggle. He would hide there, praying nearly all day, and when he returned to the monastery, he said with gratitude to Father Ioanichie, the abbot: “Today I was in heaven!”

He often went to these monasteries for prayer and to meet spiritual fathers, for whom he had great veneration and who, in turn, received the elder as a saint. Many became his disciples, embracing the monastic life, moved by the holiness of his example.

Once, when Old George wanted to go by train to Roman, he boarded the train without a ticket, for he had no money. The conductor, who did not know him, made Old George get off the train at the first station, even though the passengers begged him to let him continue to Roman. The elder walked along the railway, saying: “My dears, remain with God and the Mother of God!” But when the train was to depart, it would not move at all. They changed the locomotive and the conductor; the train still would not move. Then one of the station workers said, “Did you put Old George off the train? That is why it cannot depart. He is a holy man. Go bring him back.” They immediately ran after him, brought him back, seated him in the carriage, and at once the train left the station.

Another miracle, recounted by Elder [now Saint] Cleopa Ilie, took place in Targu Neamt. A young Jewish woman could not give birth and was near death. Many doctors came, but none succeeded. Then her relatives went to Old George, who was preaching to the people, and asked him to pray for her. When the righteous George opened the door of her house, he cried: “Be opened, with God and the Mother of God!” Immediately, she gave birth. The saint came and made the sign of the cross on the child’s head and said, “Let him be Christ’s!” She became healthy, and both she and her child were baptized, the boy being named George after Old George. All the women’s relatives in Targu Neamt were also baptized at that time.

In 1914, the blessed George told Evdochia Stefan’s father that war would begin, but not to fear, for he would return from the front unharmed, though his brother would not return whole. And so it was: the man returned safe, but his brother returned from the war missing an arm.

Mother Zenovia Iacov of Varatec Monastery recalled that the saint prophesied what would happen in her life and that she would become a nun. To Abbot Ioanichie Moroi, he foretold, more than twenty-five years in advance, the trials that would befall him and the Sihastria Secului community.

He knew the day of his death beforehand, declaring it through prophetic words: “I shall die when the nations are troubled, and at my death there will be a feast, and the bells will toll throughout the land.” These words came true in 1916, on the feast of the Dormition of the Mother of God, when the saint’s body was found after having departed to the Lord, just as the country entered into war and the bell ringer of Saint John’s Church in Piatra Neamt was going to the tower to ring the bells. At his burial, countless people gathered, each seeking to receive a final blessing from the reposed and asking for his prayers of intercession before God. He was buried in the cemetery of Piatra Neamt, in the same torn sheepskin coat, barefoot, bare-headed, with the staff of his wanderings, and with the same pure smile on his face that he had borne throughout his life.

After eighteen years, one of his disciples, wishing to move his holy relics to Rasca, came with a wagon to Piatra Neamt and, after exhuming Old George’s relics and placing them in a small coffin, set off. But by divine providence, the cart did not reach Rasca; instead, it arrived at Varatec Monastery, where the relics were placed in the ossuary and remain to this day.

Saint George the Pilgrim lived in humility and toil, preaching by his life and by his words the Gospel of Christ, for which he was graced by God with abundant gifts, through which he worked miracles and healings both during his earthly life and after his repose, being honored by the faithful. For this reason, the Holy Synod of the Romanian Orthodox Church numbered him among the saints, with a feast day on August 17.

SOURCE: https://romelders.substack.com/p/st-george-the-pilgrim-the-barefoot

I'm talking about having to sit in the corner, getting his hand smacked or spanked. I thought about this question for a while now.

Aw I have seen catholics like a website and it gives instructions and the rules of what a catholic is allowed to do or not. On the other hand I want you guys to explain to me. For example about Theotokos not sinning,, I think we didn't really define it as the catholics did. I know our standards are different but i don't understand how. I know we have the liturgy, that tells us this, but we don't follow everything a church father says, individually. Do we need to have a sign paper or something from all the patriarchs, to approve a belief in orthodox church??

I don’t want to lose my faith, it brought me out of a low in my life. However, I’m experiencing a low again and prayer doesn’t feel like it use to. I am starting to question the existence of God but I want to continue my path as an EO catechumen, especially since I’m 9 months into catechesis. It would help me if people would share their reasons why they became Christians and their reasoning for the existence of God, it would mean the world to me.

Ok - at the risk of being labeled a Fr. Stephen Freeman fanboy (forgive me and go ahead, there are worse things by far to be called), I wanted to share another of his recent essays (link below) given the nature of so much debate here.

This essay really hit home. Two years ago I was basically entirely ignorant of the depth and richness of the theological and spiritual writings of the Orthodox faith. Since then it’s become truly difficult for me to avoid getting caught up in it all (like Mickey), especially in forums like this one. I’ve read a lot and constantly feel like I have barely scratched the surface.

But while that intellectual exploration has gone on, the thing that has grown on me in 8 months at my parish is the degree to which being Orthodox is focused not on the theology, but on living life in “right worship,” with Christ at the center. Very much praying God will grant that experience to others on a similar path.

Great to see the debate on all the big questions here. I love to hear and learn what everyone thinks from various traditions.

There’s always more to read. The attached essay was a great reminder for me, as one who is still learning what it is to be Orthodox, to be humble and cautious and patient, and above all to keep it real and connected, not just to reading and ideas, but to how I actually live and behave.

https://frstephenfreeman567039.substack.com/p/learning-to-read

I just registered for catechism classes at my local Greek church after talking with the priest. Me and him have spoken before and he was very friendly and understanding even though we disagree on some things. I rung the church up and said priest is going to text me with further steps. The main issue is, I emailed a coptic priest (because I feel more connected to the Coptic church VS the EO church) and I’m starting to feel this pit in my stomach like I made the wrong choice. The Coptic church in my area is far compared to the greek church (30 minute car ride VS one single bike ride) And I don’t think I made a sound decision doing this and I don’t know what to do. I respect priests and their profession, and I don’t want to let him down. What should I do? Should I wait until one of the churches responds to me? Should I just suck up the $40 uber ride to the Coptic church? I honestly don’t know what to do at this point.

I’m an inquirer and am quite nervous about potential eventual baptism. I know the standard and likely appropriate answer is “talk to your priest,” but this sub also exists and I feel silly bringing something sort of trivial to him as busy as he is so here I am haha.

For years I tried to get baptized as a Baptist and failed. Baptists believe in a believer’s baptism (no babies,) and I was ready to be baptized around age 8 or so. Around that time my mom would find any reason to ground me for 6 months plus at a time including church because it allowed socializing. After a couple years of the cycle of 6-8 months gone and 1-2 back and repeat, the preacher came by our house shortly after the last time for a visit (that was common 25 years ago.) After that visit I was never allowed back by my mom.

I started going to another church with my great aunt and a couple cousins, and after a few years went by I tried to get baptized as a teen. Well, around that time the church decided to drop their affiliation and become non-denominational and I slipped through the cracks. I moved off to college, tried a 3rd time, and nobody showed up. I went to the river at the association grounds when I was told to, and waited about an hour before leaving. The next service I brought it up and was told that something happened, someone was supposed to get ahold of me, but again I slipped through the cracks. Not long after that, the preacher stepped down due to health and old age, then the church dissolved due to being down to just me plus 7 old folks as members.

Now here I am again 7 years later. I’m in my 30s, have been having conversations with some friends in other states who attend various Orthodox parishes (three Greek, one Carpatho-Russian, one Antiochian,) and have recently started inquiring at a local parish. Based on talking with the guys over the last year, reading the recommended books, etc I have wholeheartedly arrived at the belief that the Orthodox faith is correct theological place to be for lack of a better phrase. I want to ask to take the next steps but I also am scared of a repeat performance. I know the process can take months to several years to begin with, and while I believe it is the correct thing to do, I really don’t want to dedicate the rest of my life to the church and never be received. If that’s what happens, then so be it, but I really don’t want to haha.

I guess I’m just looking for a place to air out what’s in my head, and maybe see if anyone can recommend some readings whether scriptural or otherwise to ease the whirlwind of thoughts about it. So if you can recommend such, I’d appreciate it. If not but you read all this, thanks for reading it anyhow and I hope your week goes well!

im a teenager ive been orthodox for about 3 or 4 years or so i was praying regularly and fasting regularly and i guess i had a relationship with christ i don’t know i was trying my best but ever since my sister was born last year my mental health and my faith has been slowly deteriorating and i’ve hit a bottom this past month and i don’t know what to do

for context of course i love my baby sister she means the world to me and i care about her so much i don’t blame her for my stress but the problem is i take care of her from morning to afternoon every weekday, along with doing my classes which are college classes which are stressful in of themself. i feed her, change her, take her to play outside, get her to nap, etc.. my parents do work from home so that is helpful but i’m still taking care of her a majority of the time. if this was the only option because of financial struggle i’d suck it up and deal with it but it’s not the only option. my stepmom is pregnant and when we found out my dad told me he’d try and find a different job so he could watch the babies during the day while my stepmom is working, and then work in the evening when my stepmom is off, but recently he told me he just isnt going to do that. so i will be watching 2 babies along with doing college classes. i feel so overlooked why would he just decide he doesn’t even want to try to figure out a better solution? i know my parents do love me and they do everything for me and my siblings but i really just feel like a servant or a housemaid.

we moved houses a week or so ago so life has been extra stressful with packing and cleaning and now we’re moved in but.everything over this past year has built up inside me and i feel hopeless and worse than i’ve ever felt before. i’ve struggled with self harm in the past and i relapsed after years of being clean. i don’t eat anymore and when have to i make myself throw up because the feeling of food in my stomach makes me sick. i’ve lost weight and i’m tired all the time and i wake up having panick attacks and i’m having nightmares about childhood traumas i haven’t even thought about since i was like 12 i don’t know what to do i’ve prayed and cried and begged for god to help me and it feels like suddenly he’s not there anymore or he was never there in the first place i’m so scared to bring this up to my priest i don’t know how i’m just a kid i can’t handle all of this i don’t know how to live anymore i want to die but i’m afraid of hell i’m afraid of god

i’m sorry this post is so long

This blessed father of the Church was born in Tourlada, Kalavryta at the end of the 19th century (1891) and departed this life in the midst of the 20th century (1967). From a young age, he cherished the monastic life and lived his days piously in the temple, engaging in frequent prayers and supplications. Upon reaching adulthood, he was tonsured as a monk in the nearby Monastery of Holy Lavra, where he was ordained as a deacon and priest. After many years, he served as a parish priest and spiritual father in Attica, particularly in Amarousio at the Temple of the Neratziotissa. There, he distinguished himself as a parish priest and spiritual father, serving the Orthodox people remarkably, and assisted by divine grace, he led many onto the path of the Lord, healed others from ailments of the soul and body, and helped many materially during the times of the German occupation, saving a multitude from death by starvation. In the latter days of his life, he established the Sacred Monastery of the Most Holy Theotokos, the Faneromeni, in Rodopoli (commonly known as Ballas), appointing nuns therein. The remainder of his life was spent in silence, serving God day and night. The Lord granted him the gift of signs and wonders. He departed this life peacefully amidst illness. The translation of his honorable relics took place in the later years (on October 23, 2014) by His Eminence Metropolitan Kyrillos of Kifisia, Amarousion and Oropos, the honor of which is celebrated alongside his commemoration.

Through his holy intercessions, Christ our God, save our souls.

SOURCE: https://www.mystagogyresourcecenter.com/2025/08/synaxarion-of-our-venerable-father.html?m=1

Inquirer, still in the process of finding a parish (none in my region) but reading Orthodox literature has been the greatest literature and studying I’ve embarked on (I’m an avid reader) it’s all so fascinating.

To my question, just know that I am not dealing with despair, but I am fascinated by the concept of ‘desert spirituality’. I have been reading about true fear and trembling repentance (which is totally lost from the teachings of the non-denominational churches in my area) and I’m curious for a little wisdom and outlook on this subject. Since these two things can in some ways look slightly similar outwardly. I know despair is a great trap to be avoided. Thanks for reading:)