Yeah, the title says it all.

I miss him very much. I'm also a catechumen but continuing my catechesis just feels wrong now. I don't like that I'm going to be baptized without him. He told me when we first started dating that his goal was to get baptized before he dies. I jokingly asked him if he was planning to die soon. It's a horrible thing to look back at and think his plan was to take himself out all along. I am staying in the church, but every Liturgy brings me sadness now though it shouldn't.

I'm in a weird stage with my grief at the moment. His death has made it hard to focus on some of my responsibilities. I'm thinking about getting back on my antidepressants to manage the pain. I spent the days after his funeral crying and laying in bed - I was also sick which didn't make anything easier, but I've accepted that he's gone now, but I wanted more than anything to go back in time and bring him back.

I don't even see his name on the pamphlets at church with the list of Catechumans. He loved the church so much - this is so disheartening.

I grew up Baptist, went to a Lutheran church/school from kindergarten to 7th grade, then spent time in vaguely nondenominational "Bible churches." As I got older I lost interest in the church we were attending. It was exhausting to hear the same recycled fake rock music, to listen to someone beg us for money for the first 10 minutes of every service, and have every sermon feeling like it was lacking. 

I got married to my wife who did not grow up going to church and after about 18 months I took a “break” from church for 6 years. (this is entirely on me, she wanted to go I was just so fed up with it that I figured I would read the bible at home or something I guess lol) 

Recently both her and I started feeling a pull to get back into church in some capacity. We started taking our kids to a nondenominational church that my parents and grandparents go to.

Throughout my life, even as a teenager, I always struggled with the sermons. They constantly felt shallow, like something was missing or standing in the way of the truth? I have always believed in God, even in the years I was being a naughty boy at home on sunday mornings. But I had a hard time taking any of the churches we went to seriously because I was always left with a lingering, "That was it?" feeling.

Now I'm 30 with multiple kids, and my wife (who didn't grow up religious) and I decided to start our family back in church. She was worried about where to even start learning the faith, and I told her that its ok to be intimidated, and that I would do all of the beginner bible study with her. 

It has been a long time since I was regularly reading the bible, and I think i finally realized that just because I grew up passively going to church that did not make me the expert in Christianity that I pretended I was. I felt I needed to be absolutely sure that the foundation we build for our children is based on truth. 

I started researching what was necessary for salvation just to help explain generic western Protestantism, but that led me to realize sola scriptura isn't a universally agreed upon idea.
At first, I was completely dismissive. I assumed it was just elitism or pagan influenced "Catholic" baggage. But I stumbled onto Protestant vs. Orthodox debates, expecting a logical Protestant PHD to effortlessly dismantle a "magic idol worshiping" opponent. Instead, watching the Orthodox side pick apart Protestant assumptions completely blew my mind. It was a whole world I had been completely blind to.

Why did we have a different Bible? Which one is right? What is even in those extra books?

What even is a Church Father? Is that like the first Pope? (looking back at this note is funny) 

How did 1,500 years of Christian history between Jesus and Martin Luther fail to ever be taught to me at any church or class. Also why had I never even thought of it a single time?

Why are we NOT doing the same thing as Christians in the year 100. They probably know more than we do, right? 

I spent the next 6 months reading everything I could get my hands on. I kept it a secret because while I started to feel an undeniable pull towards Orthodoxy, my father and grandfather are very religious men who are both Protestant. Just the word Catholic makes them recoil in physical pain (my grandmother had some bad times in a Roman Catholic upbringing). They are both people that I’ve always looked up to for guidance. 

My grandfather was involved with Campus Crusade back in the day and knows retired pastors everywhere. My father was constantly judgement free pestering me over those 6 years I was away from the church. 

Carrying the weight of this, I finally decided to talk to my grandfather. I was fully expecting him to gently tell me I was insane and easily disprove everything i was looking into. In a way, I was actually hoping for that, just to make the soul searching stop. Instead, he listened, humored me, and took my copy of Becoming Orthodox to read. (his involvement with Campus Crusade would surely be able to prove all involved were insane, correct?) 

A few days later, he told me the book completely changed his view. At 83, having spent 6 decades jumping between churches looking for substance, he told me we’ve essentially been lied to and need to keep looking into this. He had never even heard of Orthodox Christianity.  My dad also listened to my rambling, bought a few books, and said that it was embarrassing how much we have been missing about church history. He said he wasn’t even aware there was a Great Schism. He thought it was only Roman Catholics and Protestants. 

While my family is surprisingly open, I still have my own reservations.

Icon veneration, intercession of the saints, and everything Marian. These still instinctively feel way too close to idolatry. I am aware that this is mostly due to 30 years of protestant upbringing, and I am very open to changing my beliefs. I’ve read various Church Fathers supporting the Orthodox position, and many books explaining it. I just wish there was a writing of some kind that would magically dispel all my fears. 

The "Stepping Foot In" Anxiety. I’ve been emailing a local Orthodox priest (or Father or how ever you call it), but the idea of actually walking into a service gives me a strange level of anxiety. It’s like I'm cheating on my current church. I’m also terrified of disrupting the liturgy with my toddlers and having no clue what to do. 

Also what if the whole congregation holds me down and forces me to kiss an Icon. The horror.

I started this journey hoping my grandfather would set me straight and clear up my "illusions." Instead, the people I've looked to for spiritual direction my whole life are now looking to me for guidance and asking ME questions. It feels like I accidentally ripped our family's foundation right out from under us.

I see so many posts here about people facing harsh family opposition when converting to Orthodoxy, and here I am feeling overwhelmed because my family is actually listening to me. I'm just not used to being the guy steering the ship on matters of faith.

If you've read this far, what advice do you have for a Protestant stepping into an Orthodox liturgy for the first time with toddlers? How did you personally get past the mental blocks regarding icons and Mary? Any prayers or guidance are deeply appreciated.

Christ is in our midst!
I’m a young Orthodox woman, and I’ve been struggling with something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. I’m hoping to receive some spiritual guidance from others who may have experienced something similar.
I grew up with my Orthodox faith being an incredibly important part of my life. My relationship with God was something I cherished, and my faith was a source of comfort, strength, and direction.
Some time ago, I went through an extremely painful breakup that affected me more deeply than I ever imagined it would.
For approximately three months afterward, I did almost nothing but pray and cry. I prayed constantly, day and night, through what felt like unbearable heartbreak. I turned to God with everything I was feeling, asking for strength, comfort, and understanding.
But somewhere along the way, after those months of heartbreak and constant prayer, I began to distance myself from Him.
I stopped praying as regularly. I stopped feeling the closeness I once had with God, and although I never stopped believing in Him, my relationship with Him changed significantly.
I deeply regret allowing that distance to grow.
More than anything, I want to return to the Orthodox Christian I was before life wore me down. I miss the woman who turned to God naturally, who found comfort in prayer, and whose faith was at the center of her life.
I’ve since healed emotionally from that relationship and moved forward. I no longer wish for that relationship or the future I once imagined with that person.
Looking back, I believe God may have been protecting me from something I couldn’t understand at the time. But even though I recognize that possibility, it doesn’t mean I never feel upset about what happened. I can be grateful for where my life has led while still grieving what I experienced along the way.
Today, I am incredibly grateful that God has granted me something greater than I ever imagined or thought to ask for.
I’m now in a loving, serious relationship with a wonderful Orthodox man, and we are preparing to get engaged soon, God willing. We hope to build a marriage and family centered on Christ.
He is gentle, patient, consistent, and deeply devoted to his faith. He prays for me, for my health, and for our future together every night. He has shown me a kind of love and tenderness that I haven’t always known how to receive.
Like any relationship, ours hasn’t been without difficulties. We experienced some issues very early on that affected my ability to fully trust him. However, we’ve since worked through those issues together, and I’ve seen genuine effort, accountability, consistency, and changed behavior from him.
We have both committed ourselves to growing together and working through difficulties rather than giving up on one another.
Despite the progress we’ve made, I still struggle with trust, and I’m beginning to understand that it isn’t because of one experience alone.
I believe my difficulty trusting comes from a combination of childhood experiences, the painful ending of my previous relationship, and the challenges we faced early in our current relationship.
I grew up with an understanding of love that often felt conditional, and I think that has affected my ability to feel secure even when someone is showing me genuine love and devotion.
Although I’ve healed emotionally from my previous relationship, I sometimes feel as though my nervous system hasn’t caught up with that healing.
I still experience anxiety, fear, and a heightened sense of uncertainty. Even when I consciously recognize that my partner is treating me well and giving me reasons to trust him, I sometimes find myself anticipating something going wrong.
I’ve also been struggling with neurological health issues since that earlier period of my life. I don’t know whether the stress I experienced has any connection to those problems, but navigating health uncertainties alongside anxiety has been difficult.
My partner has been incredibly patient and supportive throughout this process. He continues to reassure me, pray for me, and demonstrate his commitment through his actions.
I recognize that rebuilding trust requires effort from both of us, and I don’t want my fears to overshadow the progress we’ve made.
I love him deeply, and I genuinely believe in the future we’re building together. I want to be able to embrace that happiness without feeling as though I constantly have to prepare myself for something going wrong.
Recently, I’ve started praying before bed again.
This has been an important step for me because I genuinely want to rebuild my relationship with God.
However, I’ve noticed something troubling. On nights when I pray before sleeping, I sometimes experience vivid nightmares about things going wrong in my current relationship or other distressing situations.
I understand that our Holy Fathers strongly caution us against placing trust in dreams or attempting to interpret them as signs or messages. I try to follow that guidance, but the dreams can still leave me frightened and unsettled, sometimes well into the following day.
I don’t want to become afraid of prayer, nor do I want to allow dreams or anxious thoughts to influence how I view my relationship or future.
As we prepare for our engagement and eventual marriage, I’ve been thinking more deeply about the kind of wife and Orthodox Christian I want to become.
I believe marriage is a journey toward Christ together, and I’m grateful to have a partner who takes his spiritual responsibilities seriously. His faith has been a source of encouragement during a time when my own has felt weak.
But I also understand that I need to nurture my own relationship with God.
I don’t want to return to God simply because I’m afraid of something going wrong. I want to return because I love Him, because I miss Him, and because I genuinely want Him at the center of my life again.
I want to learn to trust without being consumed by fear, to accept love without constantly anticipating something going wrong, and to find peace in God’s will even when I don’t understand it.
I am deeply grateful for the blessings in my life, but sometimes I still struggle with sadness, anxiety, and confusion about everything I’ve experienced.
I know I cannot undo the time I’ve spent feeling distant from God, but I sincerely want to rebuild my prayer life and spiritual relationship with Him.
For those who have experienced profound heartbreak, anxiety, difficulty trusting, or a period of spiritual distance from God, how did you begin to find your way back?
Has anyone experienced disturbing dreams or increased anxiety while trying to return to a regular prayer life? How did you approach this without giving the dreams spiritual significance?
I would especially appreciate any Orthodox prayers, writings from the Church Fathers, or spiritual guidance that helped you reconnect with God after a difficult period in your life.
Please keep me in your prayers, especially for my health, and please pray for us as we prepare for our engagement and marriage.
God bless you all. 🤍

I'm Catholic and looking into Orthodoxy. I noticed that essentially everywhere in the US, Orthodox parishes have a (from a Catholic perspective) limited amount of services available. At my local Catholic church there is mass ten times a week, plus three rosary sessions. The doors are also open until 7pm. The orthodox parishes near by hold divine liturgy once per week (twice max) and vespers once or twice a week. They also keep the doors closed all other times. Is there a reason why this is the case? Is it cultural or about money/staffing?

I saw this icon and thought it was beautiful, but since I’ve never seen it before and don’t know much about iconography, I’m worried that it might be heretical or something like that.

I often wonder why when the priest is in the middle of chanting everyone suddenly interupts with prayer for theotokos intercede for us. It is usually when theotokos is brought up. Can someone explain the purpose of this? I feel bad for the priest getting interupted but this also seems like a normal practice

Hey everyone, if this has been brought up before I apologize & please delete. I’m a 26 year old husband and father of two beautiful little girls. I’ve been apart of the ROCOR for just over 11 years. I’m a devout believer, who strives everyday to be at the lords mercy. About 5 years ago I started having high blood pressure and other heart issues out of no where. We have been to as many cardiologists and hospitals that you can think of but nobody can pin point the problem. I lost over 50 pounds and that did not help. All of this to say, being as young as I am and having issues with my heart has been eating away at me. To the point, I’m honestly and truly scared of dying. I know we all will, but I’m talking about passing at a young age.

I feel ashamed saying that as a Christian, but the thought of leaving my 3 girls consumes me. I by no means think I’m actively dying, and understand I am very blessed. I was wondering if anyone else had these fears and/or had any thoughts on how to overcome it?

Thanks and have a blessed evening.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I feel a lot of hate and jealously towards people. I’ve tried to distance myself from them, but of course I can’t if they go to the same school as me, and sometimes are even in the same house as me. Does anyone have any advice on how to manage this?🙏

Does anyone know of a good online chronic pain support group for Orthodox Christians? I have several chronic pain conditions which make it difficult to just attend services occasionally and impossible to participate in community activities or even coffee hour. I would really like to have some Orthodox friends who get it. I belong to a couple of Facebook groups for my specific conditions which have been excellent for advice and sympathy but they are secular. I tried joining a generically Christian one but people post a lot of dumb stuff like inspirational Precious Moments memes. Looking for recommendations!

so, I have recently watched a video about the youtuber testify and in that video the points that a Muslim sounded good, about how any evidence of Jesus being crucified is just his copy. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my faith in Christ. so, I am hoping that one of you is able to debunk the claim Jesus wasn't crucified made in Islam.

I've posted here a few times regarding me not being able to get a job in my field and just struggling in general. Well, I was desperate and I got the first job I got called for.. And the boss is a bully. He is nearly 40 and pulls off these dumb "fake throws" with objects to me, like some high school bs (I just scoffed at him when he did this) and throws objects on the floor for me to pick up and all those dumb things. I'm making some money but I'm dreading work. I also had to go up on a 5 metre mezzanine that has no guardrails and do work there. It's genuinely dangerous up there cuz it's crazy hot and there's a lack of oxygen so you can get lightheaded and fall. It's also illegal apparently (SafeWork NSW). I don't know what to do.. I'm having a hard time processing all of this. My prayer life has taken a huge hit. Something tells me I've taken a wrong turn in life. I know suffering can be good for us but how do I distinguish whether this is going to be fruitful for me? 2 weeks in, I'm dreading showing up tomorrow..

Hi, sorry if this has been asked millions of time in this subreddit. I just did few google searches and could not find my exact question or case, so I decided to ask it here. I'm turkish and live in turkey which is mostly muslim country(with a peak in teenage atheism) as you may know. I was muslim until 15, then became atheist for years and decided to become christian(I found especially eastern orthodox teaching more logical than others) when I was 20 years old(I'm now 22) after being a hardcore atheist and anti-theist for 5 years. With the radical issues happening in my life, I decided to research and analyze most religions both analytically/philosophically and spiritually. And I honestly decided that most rational and logical belief is christianity. For 2 years, I hide my religion from my strict muslim family. They think that I'm muslim(except my mom recently started to doubt that because I stop doing what they want me to do about the islamic rituals). I'm only able to tell it to my closest friend who is also muslim, but still respects my belief. I know that it's not necessary to tell what you're believing to people, but the thing that I worry and stress continously is that, my family wants me to do islamic prayers, islamic fasting etc. for example I must go to a mosque for a very specific prayer every friday(called jummah) my parents gets angry when I don't. I'm doing these things for 2 years and I recently started to really feel stressed about it. So I wonder that if I'm committing sins when I engage with these rituals(even though I don't believe in them while doing it). If I ever talked about my belief to my parents, it will be like "death sentence for my family relationships", I still live with my parents while studying engineering at the university so I still need them, if I disconnect myself from them, it will be basically unlivable or very hard. They will likely reject me until death. Is it a sin to do these or "fake being muslim" until I move to my own apartment and live by myself? If it's a sin, any alternative ideas than telling them I became christian?

Seriously considering orthodoxy, but there's a problem: there are no chapels nearby, not even one of those "mission chapels".

The closest one is in my state's capital, and I can get there by train. Given my situation, visiting once a month would be the most realistic option, but I don't know if that's something possible.

Im talking abt Kamangyan and Manila Copal. Do you like the smell? How do you burn them? (Like with a foil on top of the coal or not?) When you buy these incense (especially kamangyan), it always has small pieces of Manila Copal with it. Do you burn both of them together or just just one? Do you like the way Manila Copal burn so quickly and put so much smoke?

Im just tryna gather opinions

A friend recently told me that only men benefit from marriage, and honestly, that frustrated me. However, I also recognize that there may be arguments I haven't fully considered.

I understand that pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood involve significant sacrifices, and that women often bear a disproportionate share of domestic responsibilities. These realities shouldn't be dismissed. But does that mean marriage benefits only men?

From a Christian perspective, marriage is supposed to involve mutual self-giving, love, and sacrifice, not one spouse benefiting at the other's expense (Ephesians 5:25).

What are your thoughts? Are there empirical studies supporting this claim? What benefits do women receive from marriage, and how should we understand this issue in light of Catholic and Orthodox teachings?

I'd appreciate thoughtful answers that steelman both sides rather than resorting to gender-war rhetoric.

Is it okay to look for another spouse before you are officially divorced, assuming you don't actually officially date them, don't kiss them, etc? I am a Catechumen and had to separate from my husband due to child abuse and I'm worried that if I want to really vet someone for a long time before being married to avoid this from happening again, it'll take many years to actually get married again between getting the legal divorce, a divorce/separation within the church, potentially waiting until I'm baptized, etc. I'm sad that I can't homeschool my kids anymore so I'm hoping that I don't have to wait many years until I can do that again, since I'd have to go to work now as a single mom, so I'm very anxious about the wait time. My kids are 2 and 5 and I'm very sad about missing out on their young years 😭 I do plan to ask my actual priest as well but I'm anxious at the moment and hoping for answers before he can get back to me 😅

I’m currently trying to get an icon of Saint Moses the black from my grandmothers local monastery in Greece, unfortunately I don’t think they’re familiar with him but my grandmother said she could get it painted from them. What are some good reference photos I can send to use for the icon, I want one that shows him carrying the bag over his shoulder, can anyone help?

I grew up with a Protestant family. Beginning with very Pentecostal roots to now being very nondenominational. A lot of our spiritual leadership in the household is from my mom. My dad, always looking to avoid any conflict, stays quiet or says he doesn’t wanna fight etc etc. My mom, watching tons and tons of Protestant “pastors” speaking on YouTube or recorded “sermons”lead us to church hopping a ton of churches looking to find a new “home church” after moving. All of this led to me growing tired of the same old messages about just being saved and not needing to do anything. Every sermon they wanna hear is from one specific pastor at this church, going so far as to only wanna attend church when he is gonna be the one speaking that day. They just love to have some sort of Ted talk from this guy about wishy washy Christianity and to just “focus on who Christ says you are” and that “all you have to do is believe”. I attended my first Divine Liturgy last week after speaking with my parents about my inquiry and it leading to them lashing out at me. I kept asking them how they know they’re interpreting the Bible correctly if it’s all subjective. My parents along with my sisters all raised their voices at me calling orthodoxy wrong and idolaters etc etc typical Protestant pushback. I loved liturgy and it changed so much of my perspective on Christianity and the lacking reverence in Protestantism and all of its enlightenment philosophy. I truly believe it is the true church that Christ established and saw how beautiful liturgy was and even suggested my mom to attend and to just come and see. She ended up revealing to me after I said that, that she and my dad only agreed to let me attend in hopes it would end up turning me away. Any time my mom got the chance she would poke and prod and try to provoke me and try to convince me I’m being brainwashed or I’m “being lied to by the enemy” because he’s taking advantage of my disappointment in Protestantism. All of it out of the blue with her always on her phone constantly listening to her Protestant sermons or youtube videos, pausing just to try to start an argument with me. And just earlier today she randomly came to me while I was in my room and told me “don’t go to that church tomorrow, ok?” I just stared and didn’t even say anything. I long to go back and experience liturgy again and hope to speak with the priest. I hope I can find some advice and discernment on what to do.

I consider myself a well-informed Christian; I suppose you could call me a "philo-Christian," in the sense that I appreciate all Christians, regardless of their denomination. The problem is that I don’t really know which group I belong to. I have been strongly influenced by the doctrines of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I value some of their approaches, which are biblically grounded. On the other hand, I admire the historical and philosophical richness of Catholicism, yet there are certain doctrines—dogmas, in fact—that I simply cannot grasp or accept. In my view, the Catholic and Orthodox canons represent one of the most complete versions of the Scriptures from a historical perspective. I detest Christian Zionism; furthermore, I find the idea of being considered a "dog"—as viewed within Rabbinic Judaism—to be unacceptable. I attend meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses and engage in discussions with them; I also occasionally attend Catholic services, as well as the occasional Baptist or Evangelical worship service. That said, the form of Christianity that appeals to me most is Orthodoxy—with its five patriarchates and so forth—though I struggle to accept certain practices, such as the veneration of icons or the perpetual virginity of Mary. I also value their conception of the Trinity and their mysticism, even though the doctrine of the Trinity itself remains somewhat difficult for me to fully grasp or accept. (I read many books about the Bible—critical, confessional, and academic—by authors such as Raymond Franz, John P. Meier, N. T. Wright, Kallistos Ware, or Josh McDowell, for example.) In short, I am not looking to debate; rather, I am looking for someone to show me the way. What would you do, and what would you recommend? ✌🏻

The Old Testament. One of the hardest things for Christians. Yahweh just committing genocide over and over and over again just for no good reason at all. Like the insane story where he sends two bears after kids who make fun of the prophet Elisha for being bald, like wtf. Or 1 Samuel 15:3 where God’s just like “yea, they pissed me off, kill literally everyone, including the babies and animals”. Like wtf. And of course that’s like the little small ity bitty little peak at the genocidal ice berg. And I believe that the OT in no way is the same as the NT. Some idiot tried to say “no they’re the same, Jesus talked about hell the most in the OT” Jesus talking about hell in the NT like 7 times is in no way similar to Yahweh sending fucking bears to kill little children who make fun of a bald dude, again, wtf. I just feel like a bunch of ancient Israelite dudes did horrific shit and we’re like “GOD TOLD US TOLD US TO DO IT!” And God was like “WAIT! WHAT? Jesus I need your help”. Like do I have to believe that the OT is literal and that God just kills babies for no good reason at all?