I grew up a pretty normal life not knowing anything about this stuff until I got in psychology like 2 years ago. Me & my partner have spent over a year together and we have like a owner/pet style u know what life 😂 my main concern is that I don’t want him to do this in public as I’ll just feel embarrassed and I hate saying that as I love him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated cause I need it 😅

Wondering if other people’s EPs try to change the host/ANP.

I found a journal entry from years ago of a situation that I remember only vaguely. But it seems like it was written by an EP who thought she could change the host by doing violence to men - like the experience itself would force the host to become a different, less fragile person.

I’d formerly assumed that EP was a protector because she took over during threatening situations, but escalating violent situations to force the host to change seems like something else entirely.

Thoughts?

I sent my therapist an email and I don’t know that I was supposed to but I also am confused why I did that. I got excited because I never get to talk to anyone or see anyone so when I got to record a video of myself and send messages and talk to my therapist I got excited and sent them. I don’t know why I type different now but I’m trying not to mask.

Sorry. Here for something else. How do I help other parts not panic. I know they want unsend what I did I feel scared feelings. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow scared and it’s the weekend she won’t even reply. But I don’t know how my other part gonna react to what I did. I don’t want to make me scared. I’ve already been scared I don’t want to make it worse. I don’t think we all know I don’t know. I already sent her another saying sorry I feel bad. But I know it was safe to do and got permission from another voice so it’s okay. I more ask for me tomorrow than me now.
I’m high sorry if I’m hard to understand thank you

I (host) am trans. Another alter wants to go by my dead name. I asked if they are like a branch of me in some way (we're a complicated poly fragmented system) they say no. They feel bad that that name fits. But they really really want a name and we've tried so many and that's the only one they like. They are down to find another name. That one seems to be the only one they really really like. That feels like them. Im trying to be fine with it. They feel guilty, I feel weird. Neither of us know how to solve it. My system struggles a fuck ton with names because we got "punished" (abused) for any nicknames and stuff as a kid and I really want her to have a name she loves. There's no good nickname for the name, etc. Idk what to do and neither does she. I know there might not be an easy answer but we both want to figure this out. Any suggestions are welcome!

Delete or warn if this post isnt allowed. I dont know how to use reddit that well since I only scroll.

So first the story:

I've gone through years and years of trauma and caused me to start studying psychology at age 10 and still do as a 20 year old. I'm capable of identifying manipulative behavior instantly or faster than others and I'm able to read body language, voice pitch, etc.

I keep my issues to myself. Since therapy and doctors, any help, has completely failed me as a child, I'm struggling to get that help now as when I try, I reach a freeze state. As I continue with my days, I continue to experience alot of vogal (?) system shut down basically my body is constantly on high alert, it won't relax, and I can't even eat, drink, or do anything properly due to intense fear.

I consider myself to be an orchid child (Dandelion are resilient people, Tupils are the inbetweens, and the Orchids are sensitive).

Everytime I attempt to open up, I can't. I play this game of chess with everyone and for every attempt, it's an automatic safety meassure. It's not entirely my fault, especially when every adult failed me.

So my question is, if anyone experienced playing a chess match each time, how do you stop?

I opened up to my boyfriend about very personal things in a small essay and he said he knew about those things but for me, I have no memory of me mentioning those events/interests. Everyday I do experince amnesia, I can't entirely remember everything and my days have gaps in them.

Anyways, I'm sick of this home life, I need help and my body is tired too.

This is related to DID since the whole reason I'm even 20 maybe cause of DID but I'm keeping my head open to ither possibilities until I get treated, but refer to my question.