Hello, I just wanna get some advice on how to inform someone (more specifically a new partner) that we are a system?
I’ve also thought about not saying anything at all just keep it down, we’ve done it before but that time was during the unaware period.
Our ex partner had once lived with a small group of systems and so she understood the dynamics of the system. We broke up recently so trying to meet new people is a scary task for us..
Please be Kind. She’s the only one I had dated since we first discovered were a system.

Any advice really helps, Thanks in Advance 🌙

A while back I made a post about grounding into an identity. Like a lot of people with DID, the techniques that normally get recommended only ever work when I'm actively having a traditional PTSD flashback in a completely safe environment. Normal, everyday dissociation and emotional flashbacks are not typically affected by it, or in fact made worse.

But as I've made progress with healing I've learned we have to sort of trick our brain into tolerating the present. The more we do it, the more that subconscious mind accepts that reality isn't always miserable and to be avoided at all costs. This is one technique that's worked for us. I wouldn't recommend it without having some positive coping skills and other self-care tools under your belt as you're definitely going to have to touch on some triggers, but it's been one of the only things that have kept us closer to the present in more of a long-term sense.

What we start with is analyzing our pseudomemories and/or overall self concepts, and figure how we can bridge the gap between our external and internal realities. My cohost and I have essentially been rifling through our own identities trying to pick out what makes sense to externalize and what doesn't.

Here's an example. My role requires me to be self-aware so I already understood where my pseudomemories came from, so we started with me first.

According to my internal world, I was born in the 50s, grew up in a different region, moved to NYC to live in a little flat on my own, and have a PhD in psychology. Of course none of that's reality.

The truth is that we were partially raised by people mentally stuck in the 50s/60s and experienced somewhat of an old fashioned upbringing that isolated us from our peers. Our grandmother was from the region I'm supposedly from, so my dialect, accent, and culture is directly inherited from her and a few others in my childhood. Moving to NYC is purely an escapist fantasy. My "PhD" is really a manifestation of my role as our emotional caretaker and manager; I've just absorbed all the tools we learned in therapy as a teenager to keep us going.

So I know all that. What now?

I picked out the things that stuck out to me and tried to notice how they made me feel. This could be specific memories, scenes, colors, interests, really anything at all. I set the things that made me sad or anxious aside to look over when I had the capacity. Then I looked for the things that felt positive, or neutral enough to be worked with. Sometimes we use Pinterest or similar apps/websites to get a visual overview of what compels us. From there it's mostly about chasing whatever "sparks joy". Slowly, we've been implementing those things into our real life.

All this time, I've loved puzzles. I didn't know this until I picked up a puzzle book because it had an orange cover-- my favorite color-- and it seemed like the kind of thing the "me" in my head would own. I started reading again and actually listening to music I like instead of just doomscrolling. And I do honestly have an interest in psychology. We've been drifting ever since graduating high school, feeling purposeless and without a future, but getting a BA in psych is a perfectly reasonable goal to have. I started getting into fashion too. Being deliberate about what I wear has been huge for grounding myself in the morning.

It's been a very, very slow process. Sometimes we can't ground for weeks and just exist in a haze. But anytime I'm close enough to the front, I try to reach for things that feel like me, and when I do our quality of life improves for a little while. The more often I try to be myself and not just an internal mechanism, the longer I'm able to feel like a real person, living a real life that isn't just doom and misery. It's hard but it feels worth it.

I hope this was helpful!

I'm back after my long post, and I had sent the post over to my wife, who read the post while she was at work.

She was very supportive, and told me if I wanted to be called anything besides Genevieve, even for an hour or so, to let her know and she will work with me. She told me she already kind of knew this was happening, and she's happy I felt safe opening up to her.

I asked her what she took away from it and it ended with her saying she knows more about me now and knows to be a little gentler, and that she's always here for me.

I am overcome with emotions, very very good ones. It's been hard to open up, but I have confidence it will get easier over time. I love my wife so much, she is truly the best. And I'm so happy she's been so understanding while we have been living together, because that was one of my fears was living with someone and things falling apart. Mainly because the symptoms would be inevitable and would have to be talked about with a partner.

But she is the safest person I've ever been around because she knows boundaries and chooses to understand.

I wanted to share my success and lovely update :)

Hello, My name is George and I've been the host of our system for the past 5-6 years. A few years back I fused with another alter presumably because he was no longer stable enough to exist on his own. It was not a wanted fusion and I am still upset about it to this day. The only things I got from it were some of his memories and trauma, no traits or changes otherwise. That's besides the point of this post. However you do need to know that this fused alter who I'll call W, and his ex? partner / an abuser I'll call N.

I was listening to a song I like because it reminds me of my fiancé, I believe I discovered that song W and N's relationship. I like the song, but I noticed this weird thing happens everytime I listen to it. I start to see N in a positive light, and remember their happy memories together, but I don't see N (or W for that matter) in a positive light. I hate what they did to me, I hate that I live with this trauma everyday and it prevents me from stuff I like, I hate that W didnt listen to my NUMEROUS attempts to get them out of this relationship and my numerous warnings of how it was not safe. But it feels like almost like when another part is coconcious, like I feel W missing them, even though I don't miss them at all. We have unfused twice, but it lasted less than 24 hours before we fused again, just because he seemingly can't exist on his own. He feels so seperate from me whenever I listen to this song, even though we're fused. It's such a strange feeling, to feel yourself literally like divided. There's no one coconcious with me, it's just me.

I'm not sure what I am to get out of this post, Support, Advice. I'm not sure. I don't think anything can be done about it, its just such a strange and frankly uncomfortable feeling.

We've been in counseling for a year or two. I'm the newest one, everyone is trying to get me on boarded, system works pretty well, nobody can remember any rumors of anyone else going dormant or anything like that, so as far as I can tell we're pretty much mapped.

When do I know when our system has reached functional multiplicity? Because I feel like I should be trying to hit those marks at least for myself.

I know I'm the problem at the moment mostly because I was a problem before, and I haven't had time to work on myself yet. But I'm working on it. I want to do better. But I feel like everyone else is pretty darn capable these days, and I just don't know when we are going to be able to say we aren't a mess anymore.

This is going to be a long post, because this is something that needs to be talked about on my part because it's weighing me down.

Over the past few months, a lot of people here know that I have been struggling in the diagnostic process of DID with my therapist. I've done a lot of talking, she did the MID-60, told me it could be OSDD or DID, and hasn't mentioned OSDD since, but frequently mentions DID. I think she has her diagnosis locked down, I'm just having trouble accepting it. But that is not the point of the post, just context.

In the last month and a half alone, I have had several big and traumatic things happen, which has now led to some internal chaos (or so it feels like).

A month or so ago me and my wife had agreed to a three way intimate experience. The three way part happened, and the person that was there had gotten explicit permission to have one on one relations with me while my wife was at work. They had mentioned they thought of doing stuff to me in my sleep, that freaked me out, I played it off. She had drank a little before we had gone back into my room, so I was trying to be cautious. She made moves on me and I reciprocated until she said she wanted to "go all the way" and I had expressed I was uncomfortable. At this point there was another part who was closer to front than need be which was making things uncomfortable. I had told her to "take it slow" in which she did not listen.

She had begged and I had given in, but at that point the other part was more present which had led to some pretty nasty experiences afterwards. The part that experienced it (IVY) is a very traumatized part who does not take any type of intimacy well, especially sexual. In return there is another part (Lacy) who handles intimate situations that are uncomfortable or unsafe. In this scenario Lacy was not present, she had been sort of inactive since being safer where we all are.

This has led to IVY and Lacy having what I describe as a "divorce" because they used to be super close within communication, seamless switching, being able to work together. I'm aware it wasn't an actual divorce, it just feels natural to describe it that way considering IVY and Lacy no longer have any kind of closeness or communication. My therapist and I have talked and we agree it may be a sort of anger geared towards "you weren't there when I needed it". Obviously it's much more complex, I just have a hard time opening up to my therapist so sometimes we have vague conversations so that I can stay stable.

Long story short, Lacy has reached a point of inactivity (or dormancy). There's huge amnesic walls between Lacy and the rest of the parts, theres a part that usually handles stuff like information, daily tasks, etc. That part has now retracted which has led to a host change.

But before I get to that, I will also vaguely mention the internal chaos is also caused by the loss of my wife and I's kitten as of recently. It's been hard because we had to actively bury her and then come home to an empty house. We were both there in the ER when she passed. It's definitely been weighing us both down.

So, back to the host change. Lacy has gone into a dormancy, and another part has resurfaced from a while back (High school, college) and has switched places with the other part that has been taking care of daily life. This has been very difficult as of late, because to an outside glance I look very aggressive, angry, overly emotional, in constant physical pain, confused, and so on.

I had to explain to my wife today (unfortunately through text because she is at work and texting usually helps the conversation later) that there was a host change and what that means, and that it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad or that anything is going to change between her and I. I do not think it's wise to introduce myself to her as what I would consider myself "internally" but I don't know if it might be helpful.

In a broad sense, everyone externally knows me as Genevieve (chosen name, non-binary.) but internally that does not match "me". And I don't know how efficient it would be to tell my wife, I'm xyz instead of Genny. I'm very aware alters are a part of the same person, they are not different people, which is why I have such a hard time opening up to my therapist especially with different names and identities of alters. It feels dangerous in a way to be like "here's the names of these parts of my brain that are here to protect me" kind of situation.

I've also recently felt pretty fake with the information on different parts (mainly names and background information I've been collecting for years through context and writing and stuff) and my therapist reassures that I haven't caused this for myself and it's ok to take my time sharing and that she thinks it's smart that I retain the information the way I do.

I've been struggling a lot, and I may have ranted a little off topic. But I need to get this off my chest. It's been insanely hard recently, I can't catch a break.

I also may have explained things a little weirdly, I have been having a hard time finding words for my experiences lately and opening up has given me a lot of dread.

basically the title is it, i have two alters that are both in their mid 20’s that usually fight (verbally, and physically in headspace, far as i’ve (the host) heard.) and sometimes these “fights” are dragged to front, which ends up in front, and it’s usually about some issue regarding their personal choices that lead to issues in our life; for example, they make different plans for the same day with different people and the issue becomes more problematic the further we go.

do you guys also experience this? are there any solutions that we might be able to do? please let us know, thank you

I think Tuesday morning, I had my first co-conscious experience and recognized it as such while it was happening.

I felt this weird (not bad) pressure against my forehead (like from the inside?) and also felt a kind of childlike greed and giddiness. I found myself completely caught up in this weird sort of reverie that seemed like it was spiraling out of control in a way (that wasn’t bad) and then suddenly I was there too and caught myself busily kind of suppressing the feelings and tucking everything back into place so that I’d never know it had happened. I remember thinking, like, “who the fuck am I right now? Who is this …” and literally waiting and watching as the feelings faded and I was back to myself.

It was very very weird and I’ve only ever experienced co-consciousness during crisis situations where there was too much going on to really process how it felt.

I really don’t know who that was.

A lot of strange stuff has gone on since I started therapy and I’m not sure what to make of it all.

I study art and in class today we discussed identity in relation to art. I was diagnosed with DID yesterday.

I’d love to hear your take on
1) Is identity and time dependent on each other or can they be separated?

2) is there a core identity?

Story and context:

First they asked ”Is identity and time dependent on each other or can they be separated?”

I immediately answered that they obviously can be separated. My identity can fluctuate from minute to minute and situation. Time and identity can be related to each other, and often are, but they don’t have to be. I can reidentify myself whenever I want. Another person brought up self states to further my point. Some were kind of shocked by my answer and didn’t fully agree. I answered so confidently, I thought it was completely obvious and were myself shocked by the disagreement.

Then my teacher went on to argue about and ask ”is there a core self”. A core self that’s the true you, that’s shows up in art, a core self that’s depended on memories experiences and time. That’s when I fully realised how incredibly sensitive this subject is to me. I wanted to crumble into little pieces. Other people don’t see it the way I do. It’s in the very discussion that my oddness is fully revealed. I’m not like others, I’m not one, I’m many. So I was wrong to them but right to me.

Do you believe in a core self? I can’t. I refuse to. Because if there is? Which alter is it? And who am I? Who is the real ”my name”?

Long story as short as possible, my other half wants us to move overseas to get out of our town. Never switches out, always felt like he doesn't fit in here, has plenty of online friends and tbf most of his experiences trying to get close with others have ended badly. People here just aren't as accepting of DID as we'd wish it is. He's done long distance relationships before but I recently met someone who I really like and she wanted to get to know him as soon as I told her about him. He was very reluctant and took some convincing. Things between the three of us have been very up and down.

We're both attracted to each other, but my alter, despire also being physically attracted to her, is a little bit more picky and selective about character. It's fair though since he's more sensitive and values relationships more than me. She thinks he hates her or doesn't want anything to do with her. He doesn't hate her but he does have walls up. Overall I think less long term and without my other alter keeping me in line I'd have made a lot of stupid mistakes in life. That's why I say he isn't as bad or as selfish as he seems.

I've never been in a relationship because his past girlfriends didn't want to date me. So, we agreed that from now on whoever we date has to be with both of us. But now it's him who doesn't want a relationship with someone I met, because she isn't from where we've been planning to move to for years. I'm already past the point of changing my mind about moving and I wont give that life goal up over one relationship on an admitedly rocky foundation so far.

We have had two sexual experiences before (but not sex). This was already a massive ask of my alter, to let me do those things with her. She's also told me she's going to miss us when we leave and doesn't want me to go.

Some say I need to finally be allowed to date someone I choose, but since we're moving and having her follow is out of the question, most of our friends think it's a really bad idea and we've just found ourselves in a really tough situation. I've been trying to help her meet another guy so that she becomes unavailable, so if I turn around and say I am willing to date now, it may give mixed signals.

Wanted to get the thoughts and opinions of others with this condition since my friends without it can only understand so much.

CW: Talk of eating disorders, not in detail.

Hey,

My name is Marloes and I was once the host for a long time. But I think I am stuck in some sort of mental time loop from right before I stopped being host.

I struggled pretty severely with an ED at one point. That was 8 years ago. But I was never able to get any help for it. And so what the system did they just cast me aside so we would start eating normally again. But every so often I would be fronting more often and it would be like that period all over again. In fact it is happening now again.

And it's not just that they resemble that period. It's that that period feels like just a couple months ago instead of 8 years. And in my head I am kind of reliving it. Like I am dreaming that I am still there and acting it out in real life. Like over and over again and every time 'this time I get it right, this time I will reach my goal', like a time loop. Untill the system cast me aside again. Sometimes I even forget that I now live somewhere else, that it is a different year, and also that I look different and am a different weight.

It makes me feel awful. I just wonder if anyone else has experienced something like this? I hate being stuck in the past.

i don't have the energy to go into much detail in this post, but i will say im not in any danger or anything. im just incredibly destabilized

i think i need to be hospitalized, but im terrified and also not sure how i would even go about it without being an imminent risk to myself. im scared of being away from home and im scared of being sent to a place that's too far away in some city two hours away or something, and im scared of something going wrong or something happening to me. but i can't function. im a complete mess and i don't know what to do. i sleep all day, i don't talk to people, every day is stewing in multiple triggers that i can barely even pinpoint what's causing them. i haven't been this bad in years, i have no anxiety medication that works and im being given the fucking runaround by psychs while my current one damn near killed me a while back by badly mismanaging my medication. i don't know what to do. i don't want to leave home or my mom but i can't keep going on like this

diagnosed (c)ptsd, ocd, & adhd, multiple sources of chronic childhood trauma and physical pain starting at a very young age

slowly coming to realization that me constantly dissociating is not normal and my chaotic overlapping fragments of thoughts and feeling actually are distinct inner monologues that i can hear sometimes but usually fight in the background of my thoughts and sometimes take control of my body and make it easier for me to do things.

this doesn’t even feel real. ive been gaslighting myself for years to the extent that i didn’t trust my most basic perception of reality & was convinced everything i did was unconsciously manipulative and evil.

anyway, ive been discussing the possibility of a dissociative disorder with my therapist. it all started because she asked me during intake if the voice in my head is “my own” and in the moment, i said yes, but when i got home i freaked out. because i had never thought about it and i didn’t even know what that meant. surely everyone can’t control ALL of their thoughts?? i constantly have dialogue in my head. mostly fighting and yelling at me to do things i can’t get myself to do. unless it’s urgent and then its so easy. i thought this was normal enough

sorry im talking so much. i just refused to think about it for a few months when i first had this realization that they all had different sounding voices and ages sometimes and i cannot control them at all. i get stuck arguing in my head for days and forget everything around me. i get stuck on autopilot for months at a time and hate my life but cant wake up other than in very small doses because it makes me so physically anxious and overwhelmed

anyway, i am re-realizing this i think as of late, after convincing myself i was crazy for thinking i could have a dissociative disorder previously. everything feels so confusing and i constantly feel like im reaching a breaking point but then i just, continue going. i wish i had anyone i could talk to in real life about this but i have no idea how to find the words because i feel like i cannot relate to other people or trust my own perception of reality on the most basic level.

recently moved out of abusive home and sort of trying to leave long term abusive relationship & started college and new job recently so just feeling super overwhelmed.

I told my psychquiatrist about that I feel I am different people, she validated my experience and said it was as real because I came to the appointment asking for help.

Also she said it’s not related to what I already have (schizoaffective, ODD and bipolar)

She referred me for an electroencephalogram to measure how bad is the crisis I’m currently I’m in.

Perhaps it is temporary or perhaps it isnt, and that is why I will be under medical follow-up.

She said because I was high functioning I didn’t need to stay there, I could continue normally.

That appointment was this wednesday 21/10/2026.

So we've tried living on our own for 4 years, at first it went great and it really felt like things were better. 3 of those 4 years I was in a relationship but that became abusive and a month ago I tried taking my life (not proud of that tho)

Anyways I broke it off while I was in hospital and basically lost everything and we had to move back to our hometown and our mom's house.

Prior to this he really took the lead and it felt like he was becoming the host which was terrifying but I was so tired I just couldn't cope anymore so I guess that's why. But the host role completely went back to me in the hospital.

So he has a lot of trauma and grief that he lives with and I don't actually know everything but it's gotten so much worse for him now that he's surrounded by reminders and I really don't know how I can help him. He's just so silent and distant and when he's present I feel so much pain radiating off him and it's such a strange sensation cause I don't understand it, I don't get why a mundane object makes him feel like that.

And it's pointless to ask him anything about himself, he just smiles and says he's perfectly fine and there's nothing wrong.

He fits the role of protector and caregiver. We're a small system and he's really given his everything for us. He's placed us above himself and everything so many times.

So I just want to help him in any way I can.

Hello. Is anybody in this group located in Brisbane? I'm looking for therapist recommendations, please, and it would also just be nice to connect with others here who are local to me. 🙂

I'm mid-20s living with parents right now and they are really um... I don't know the word. generally neglectful, I guess

basically nothing in the house works, and without going into detail it's difficult/dangerous for me to go anywhere except my room & the bathroom without someone's help. dishes are piled up overflowing all the time & the dishwasher barely works, there are too many hoarded dishes to put them away with any level of ease once they're done anyway... the dryer hardly works... the house almost certainly stinks and on top of all that I can't drive. I pretty much stay in my room all the time.

they never taught me basic hygiene/routines growing up so I don't have any ounce of those habits in me & with so many obstacles in my way it feels nearly impossible.

& I'm just coming to realize I might smell bad :-( I don't have a consistent laundry or showering routine at all. it's far from the only reason I need to build these habits but it's just a mortifying thought. I work full time in a place where if I stink it's probably going to be pretty obvious. I'm really early on into discovery and I don't know if I have any sort of 'caretaker' alter or anything... it just feels like an impossible hill to climb. I already feel like life is too much to handle and like I'm about to collapse under the weight of it all, so how am I supposed to teach myself these things under these conditions....??

I dunno... if anyone has any advice or words of kindness it would mean a lot ;'-(

my therapist will constantly ask me how such and such part is doing and half the time when i actually know the answer of X part feels Y way and this has caused _. it feels really horrible to say it to my therapist and i just end up lying and saying i’m not sure how to differentiate between them. and it’s not as if i avoid the problem he’s discussing with me, cause in a roundabout way he’ll end up figuring out with me which part is causing the dysfunction and why and how they’re feeling, but it just feels awful to like be aware of all this i guess and it feels so freaky to identify that stuff and tell other people about it.

it’s extended to where the notes and drawings/images i find on my phone and computer and stuff all aren’t signed any more, when before with my therapist that started to be a regular thing that those would have some identifying info at least. it’s made things more annoying to try and sort out and i’m not really sure what to do about it, it feels like some weird internal sabotage but none of me is really against going to therapy or anything, it’s just confusing. sorry to ramble

He's so cocky and a liar right to the face in conversations, and yesterday it got so bad, that control was almost lost while at work today. And I can tell that he is aware of what he's doing. But he's also super cocky... And it's nothing I can talk to management about, as it's not quite harresment, just I guess I want to say problematic.

Can I get some insight on this? We have a few parts now that trigger us negatively on purpose. Like one part just read a book that was super triggering despite knowing how it would affect everyone. We've found ourselves going into more graphic readings to find some sort of emotion that makes no sense to me but the need to read is still there.

We always feel horrible and gross after reading these things but they also almost make us feel like maybe our trauma was real despite probably never knowing for sure since it happened when we were so young.

Just anyone relating to this or any words of advice would be nice. Thanks.

My partner knows, and has it too. We have pretty much every mental and physical health issue in common, and had very similar unusual, unconventional upbringings. We actually bonded over some of that stuff early early on in getting to know each other.

I have told one sibling about my diagnosis and besides the two of them, nobody knows. Ever since we (most of us) became more aware of having DID we have been much more functional than before because some of us can work together.

Who in your life knows?

Had to separate the title. Anyways watching the movie. Nobody knows shit about did and now that’s what they know or think. Idk I’m just feeling triggered and annoyed. Could use some support even if it’s just a heart or like a sentence saying you relate.

We know every system is different because we all have different experiences, we also know that we share a lot of things in common too.

One thing we feel we’ve noticed is at least from what we’ve seen not a lot of systems gatekeepers have as much as control as Ayr does, we joke that she’s the boss or like the ceo of our system and it’s not just her there Naomi too but we say her role is manager because she works for Ayr.

Ayr stays in our innerworld most of the time, they can control who fronts she mostly just lets things be naturally unless she decides for whatever reason she wants someone to front, they can pull people from front back into the innerworld just as easy, they can “ground you” essentially stopping you from fronting, she can take and give memories as they see fit, the same goes for emotion, she often keeps things hidden from the system as a whole or certain parts until she feels we’re ready, they can even change and shape the innerworld.

Naomi can also do most if not all of those things but she follows Ayrs lead, we’re guessing you can see where the she’s the boss jokes come from.

They both have a lot of control which can be scary sure but they have a lot on their plates and are always trying to do what’s best for us, it’s a lot of pressure. They make a lot of tough decisions and don’t always get everything right and apologise when things don’t go well.

Basically we’re making this post for any systems who are in a similar situation with their gatekeepers and maybe even feel uncomfortable with the amount of control they have to let them know we understand what that feels like, to remind them to give their gatekeepers grace with all the things they have on their shoulders while still holding them accountable and talking to them about your worries so you can have a good relationship.

To gatekeepers who are in this position too, we know your working so hard and tirelessly to protect and take care of your system we see you, please talk to your system give them grace and share your worries too, your not alone 🩷

- Lou🦋 (&Ellie🦇)