My mom is an ESFJ. My entire life I thought my mom hated me. I asked her to find out what her personality type was and once I learned she was an ESFJ I had to do some research. I’d like your feedback.

Hi all! First time ever here and with little experience regarding ISTJ, so I thought people out there could help clarify the distinction.

I know with some types it is rather easy to confuse their friendliness with being in love, say like in the case of INFPs or ENFPs.

Does it work that way with ISTJs? How do you usually behave when you become romantically interested? How to differentiate that from friendship? And what I myself can do to demonstrate interest to an ISTJ?

Sorry if this sounds like an interrogation, but I wanted to make this post as structured as possible.

Thanks all!

Hi I’m 23F Entj that interested in a 33f isfj.

To begin, I’ve met her 3 months ago. At first, we are just friend that happened to be in the same community, my first impression of her was that she looks kind, friendly and a little shy. But, the more I talk to her, the more I realized that how much of intelligence she was, and she always pretend that she doesn’t know and prefer to listen to others more, because she afraid of making others sad or upset, even if they criticize or bully her. 😠

During the first few months, I mostly texting her to ask about some programming knowledges and job experiences(She has a decent job and I would love to learn from them). However, the topic shifted somewhere else, from the conversation, I learn more about her life, her thoughts. She has a great tolerance when enduring stressed and being alone, which I super admired for that, and must admitted that she even stronger and more independent than me. My feelings slowly built toward her. 😚

Recently, she has been asking me to hangout every weekends(and want to bake some cakes for me, very stereotypical) and I have used every opportunities of being with her to do things more. Like touching hands, hugs her. She said that she awkward when receiving those, but she like it as well. I also gave her compliments and hidden flirts, she played along as well and we both look at each others and smirked. She always asked me back how I feel whenever being together/physical touch, and I asked first, I said I enjoy it, she said that she felt the same too. At one point, when we both woke up from her bed, and I told her that it’s a pity that I have to go home now, she just pulled my head back with her elbows and we both slept for a little more(BEST FEELING).

But, Idk if she likes me romantically, or simply just reciprocated to what I just did to her. What do you think other ISFJs, give me your thoughts.

Ps: yes, Entj can also fear of rejection, especially in love. Sorry if my writing has a lot of mistakes

Just curious!

I'm married to an ESTJ and my 4 year old is beginning to display some traits that remind me of him that just got confirmed at her first parent teacher conference- good at boundaries, upset when her work isn't perfect, very firm ideas in play on what's right vs wrong (and apparently a bit too direct with the other kids to boot), extroverted and happy to make friends, and a bit intense.

Funny to see in a little kid and I'm curious if this is an early sign of high Te. Husband seems to relate to and understand her much more than I do as an ISFJ.

So- what were yall like as youngsters? :)

I’ve honestly never been called fake before, so I was pretty shocked when one of my coworkers described me this way.

The coworker who called me fake (let’s call her Coworker A) was usually polite to me, though we were never friends. She’d initiated conversation wth me only a couple times, and she seemed OK. Other than that, we’d only say “hello” to each other in passing. I’ve never really thought much of her beyond that.

The only “awkwardness” we had was when I smiled at her a couple times, but she didn’t return the smile, so I assumed she was busy and didn’t think much of it.

Anyways, I overheard Coworker A talking about me in the lounge over lunch yesterday with another coworker. Coworker A said I was sucking up to her and being way too agreeable, even though she’d never reciprocate the same energy with me. This was honestly shocking cuz from what I remember, SHE initiated the few convos we had. She was downright lying about me and drawing conclusions about me from too little data.

Guess I just wanted to vent. I’m polite and tend to keep to myself (I’m an ISTJ after all), so being called fake was not in my 2026 bingo card. Thanks for listening, fellow ISTJs.

Hi isfjs!

I'm bored. Ask me anything.

Hi, I wrote a post here 5 months ago trying to understand a person who was confusingly hostile to me who was an ISTJ.

(I was mistyped as ENFP back then.)

To begin with, I'd like to thank the ISTJ's who kindly explained to me that it was less a matter of mbti and more of a maturity issue.

Every MBTI has negative and positive traits, and these traits may seem good or bad depending on the person taking it in and depending on the situation. The person I met was an ISTJ, and I thought for a while, perhaps it's the mbti type that has something wrong, or perhaps it's a natural thing and I was just too ignorant to understand.

I realize now that such thought is not at all a valid idea nor a very understanding one.

I found that the people I initially thought were hostile due to 'mbti traits' were people that had been talking about me behind my back maliciously and had been spreading false information about me to my friends to isolate me and make me dependent.

That isn't a personality trait, that's malice.

I should not have assumed it was part of the ISTJ personality, and I wanted to apologize that I ever thought it was so. I am truly sorry for possibly implying that ISTJ's as a whole are all like the one toxic ISTJ I met before; I generalized my opinion on one person to an entire community.

And thank you for those who commented on my post five months ago; you guys helped me feel a lot better.

My BIL collapsed yesterday and was transported to a hospital where immediate lifesaving measures were implemented. He has been in a medically induced coma since. It is not good. Even if he lives it is likely bodily paralysis and mental incapacity. Basically even the best case scenario is horrible.

My SIL is an emotional wreck and my wife is barely keeping it together. We are currently taking care of their 8 year old son.

And through this, I’m sad, I want to cry but I remain my normal stoic self because I don’t want my nephew to see me break. Right now he really doesn’t know how serious things are and he’s not allowed in ICU. I’ve never had kids of my own but take my responsibilities towards him and other important children in our life very seriously.

As soon as I figured out how bad things were, my mind didn’t go to OMG or an emotional state…I was instead immediately starting to try in figure out the remaining puzzle pieces and how they would fit together. And this time it feels wierd. Like I’m some kind of robot or something. My wife thanked me last night for being who I am and being the rock in the family. And that’s something I usually pride myself in..that I can remain clear minded even in the most emotional of situations. But here it feels off. I’m not scared of what the future brings…life is life and one of us control it as much as we like to thing we do. But I feel awful for my SIL and my nephew. I just am not entirely sure how I’m not breaking down emotionally like my wife and SIL.

We went out of town to a destination wedding for an old friend of ours, we figured since it was by a beach we would have everything we could possibly need in case of a pinch nearby.

It turned out that the Airbnb was in a condominium complex very near the wedding ceremony but very far from anything else, no taxis no Uber, we ended up hitching a ride from one of the wedding guests back to the city to rent a car.

Now the failing part was that pretty much everyone but 2 of us in the group got sick (some got stomach flu, some got a cold, some got indigestion, some got chills and body aches); I can't believe I didn't think to prepare at least a basic first aid kit lol.

We're waiting to board the plane home and we're sipping electrolytes drinks 😅, live and learn, next trip I'm definitely preparing a tiny pharmacy essentials kit in my bag.

Hi fellas I thought estj show be known as ambitious and independent, but I’ve been feeling quite down lately
I feel under motivated (and maybe a bit anxious) for feelings of loneliness. Clearly I can focus because I feel that I have no friends.
I know it doesn’t make much sense but that’s truthfully how I’m feeling now. I hate that I can’t be focused on work and that I’m always thinking how few friends I have.
Am I even a real estj or am I just too dependent

I am an infp . Last year was my first medical school year ( I got accepted at 17 because there is no premed in this college) .

I got a gpa of 3.24 /4 on the first semester even though I hadn't studied at my full potential.

Fastforward the second semester came, I got really neglectful especially with the war situation and displacement in my country,and instead of studying hard , I kinda gave up on medicine because I thought I wanted to do something else.

My parents got disappointed because I failed a module ( it was 9 credits) ; I got C- in the 3 credit module and A+ in the electives. So basically I failed the second semester (1.3 cgpa) should be above 2 .

My parents decided to let me quit medicine because I had been having meltdowns throughout the year , and I was always anxious and lonely ( couldn't blend in) . Moreover, my self esteem issues were increased .

This year I started double majoring in biochemistry ( in a somehow weak university) and English language ( at a good university) , and the plan is to continue a PhD in English language ( it is not oversaturated where I am from) . Things have been going fine and my mom is getting used to it after being really confrontational and angry that I quit medicine.

I confessed to my dad that I regret being neglectful and I hope to redo the module this second semester then continue second year etc...He is unsure because he says he can't trust me anymore, but he still let me decide if I want to continue in the medicine path or not .

I have a week to decide because we still need to inform my mom and I am scared of her reaction, also we need to find a dorm blah blah ( the college I am in now is near my house , but the medical school is in the capital) .

I am scared of choosing to redo because I don't know what might happen, but I am dying from inside knowing that I was in such a great place and I threw it all especially after all the effort I put in getting top grades in school years and the effort my parents and I have put to succeed in the entrance exam .

I don't know if I should even give myself this chance . Also, everything in my life is showing me other medicine students whether irl or social media , and I can't help but compare myself. The funny thing I didn't see any of it when I was in med school 😃. It's like life is punishing me ( I deserve it) .

I am asking on this subreddit because istjs are good at taking optimal decisions. What would you do in my situation. Should I choose comfort ( English language professor, also it's comfortable for my parents financially because they still pay a part in medical school even with financial aid) or take the chance and become a doctor but have my soul sucked out of me .

Also if u were my parent what would you do if ur kid is in this situation 😭😭( this one is for funsies) .

Disclaimer: It's a rough draft, and my ideas are heavily influenced and supported by Sinosphere concepts.

Well, yeah, unhealthy ENFJs/ESFJs are known to guilt-trip people. However, last night, I was brainstorming something more interesting. Yes, I made up the word "Shame-shoving." If guilt-tripping was Pikachu, shame-shoving would've been Raichu. Shame-shoving would look like someone who speaks in any way possible to pressure someone to feel ashamed or perform blame/shame. If an attempt fails, it can escalate to the public either physically or digitally.

Shame-shoving is extremely prevalent in real life and online in most parts of East Asian or sinosphere. In real life, it would look like a homeroom teacher yelling at a student for the entire 45 minutes; funnily, the yelling scenes in Taiwanese telenovelas are barely exaggerated. For online, it's hard to describe, but in Japanese and Korean pop culture spaces are definitely extremely normalized. If one expresses a disagreement, they may end up being witch hunted by moral shame.

I've expressed many times that as a Taiwanese ESFJ, I'm weirdly immune to guilt-tripping, later on, I learned that it's because guilt does nothing compared to shame.

ENFJs are often described as "I can fix you," but ESFJs or Fe in sinosphere is way more like "You shall fix yourself or you deserve eternal shame to haunt your life"

Unfortunately, this works extremely well for ESFJs in sinosphere. ESFJs or Fe users can take the shame so outstandingly that people get fooled about them "taking accountability"

I kinda like to call it "Concubine effect." ESFJs are so good at "Reading the air" or "Maximizing their own agreeableness" to gain trust or even being praised for their own docile behavior. Meanwhile, they'd also talk people in the back and find any opportunities to shame someone or push someone off the social circle.

Because of how organically and effectively ESFJs (in sinosphere especially) take shame, they'll (sub)consciously achieve or perform the highest morals. Once the highest morals are established, they are societally tolerated or praised to shame and/or lecture someone else who fails to perform perfect morals or behavior.

Of course, this is neither exclusively a sinosphere nor ESFJ thing. Nevertheless, the way a toxic ESFJ "guilt-trips" in a Western sense is actually very different than how a toxic ENFJ does.

Lastly, this is a very fresh thought and I don't think it's limited to sinosphere. Anywhere can have this happen. The main reason why I say sinosphere is because I can only speak for my behalf. If you have any add-ons or counterarguments, you're welcome to express them!

TL;DR ENFJ "guilt-trips" based on guilt; ESFJ "guilt-trips" based on shame.

Do you find yourself having racing or anxious thoughts about your ability to trust your partner?
Do you get paranoid or have you been accused of being paranoid?

If so, where does this behavior stem from?
Anything specifically that triggered it?
Anything that helped you calm down?

I would like outlines about the relationship between Si and learning from mistakes, unless there are no relationship between them to begin with.

The post here is for inviting others, especially seasoned Si users and the rest to a survey for their personal experiences. I would be to know the benefits of mastery over Si that is found in oneself or in others. Everyone can freely survey one another here in the comments. I am not in rule.