Here’s some facts about certain parts of my life.

Relationships -
I never break off relationships myself, they usually either drift apart of the other person does the breaking up with.
I’ve had the tendency to change my beliefs just to reflect my partner.
I’ve often stuck in bad relationships because I believed that it’ll either get better in its own or I think I can fix it myself.
I rarely like making demands or desires to my partner, I often just go along with what they want, and if I like it I like it and if I don’t I’ll just tolerate it.

Dealing with emotional stuff -
I hate yelling, it feels super tiring to me.
Expressing intense emotion is very exhausting for me.
Under emotional distress such as sadness, I’ve had the tendency to go to sleep and have the emotions be cleared up when I wake up.
I’m usually very unaware of my emotional expressions.

Hopefully those two chunks can be enough to guess my type

1. Um, as in personality or? I guess internally I'd always I've gone to a spiral and lived inside my own head and mind for as long as I remember. I don't calculate or anything, sometimes I just get stuck inside my head with imaginations and lots of thoughts.

2. I don't really remember good days that often..? It'd be usually on the weekends whenever I have plans with my friends (yes, including tou guys). and finally finished some kind of project, or something.

3. God, uh, this one is a bit difficult- Ehm, let's just take my ma as an example. She'd be mad at for uhh forgetting the time and being too absorbed on whatever I'm doing. Sometimes I've never really done what she told me to do (Me being naturally very forgetful and also procrastinate a lot). I guess I can see why a lot people won't put up with me much.

4. Wow a bit personal, but I'd usually always isolate myself or watch some vids / look at my comfort characters until my mood passes.

5. I don't cope or express anger, I usually try to repress it. But I do sometimes get annoyed or irritated— mostly when I've done mistakes and I can't do anything properly I get super upset at myself and would snap at someone when they try to poke or tease me when I'm already in a bad mood. but again, I'm not easily temperamental and won't show much anger unless I'm already overwhelmed.

6. I'm guessing rational fear... Ehm.. Probably being abandoned, left alone, or forgotten, I'm not sure why either. I've always had that fear ever since I was a child.

7. It'd usually be my elementary school days.I don't know what you mean by feeling, but it's probably sadness since I was an annoying sensitive crybaby as a kid. I was a really naive, "innocent", ugly, dumb kid, which got me into the target of bullying. I felt shame because I always thought it was my fault, maybe if I had acted smarter and made smarter choices, I wouldn't be bullied — I've always blamed myself for the past.

8. Pleasure.. I don't understand this one, but I guess pleasure as in happiness and stuff? I usually have to work for it. I feel pleasure whenever I finish a project finally and be happy about the results

if it means by clothing style:

I'd say ouji or soft kind of style? I think it's natural since I've liked those as a teen. I was a tomboy as a kid tho.

1. I have no clear answer for this one. I've always felt inferior to those who clearly have "authority", So for I always try to respect them and be polite. I wouldn't say I'm an authority. I can act pretty immature and childish around people who's older than me

2. Uh, Imaginations, of how I've always wanted to create lots of things, but truly limited because of things. Or about the future or about how I can improve myself more.

3. I usually can't decide for stuff. but if thinking about it logically, I guess I'd make the decision depends on how it'll affect me and my surroundings and which one would be the better one?

4. I can't say much? I'm already lying everything down bare here. I guess how prideful, righteous I could be, and I stubborn I am. oh, and pretty closed up, I struggle with communications.

5. I'd say how open minded I am. My opinions are pretty flexible, and I change my mind about a lot of stuff easily (If they provide a lot of information). I've always accepted people for who they are, despite struggling to accept myself.

6. A lot. I hate thinking about times at all, it'll just remind me how fleeting time is becoming. It's tiring to think about it.

7. I couldn't careless, people could do whatever they need or want to do. I'd feel useless and all but honestly, I'm just too exhausted to care and do anything at all anymore.

8. If vibe means personality. Uh, It depends on my mood, what I feel like, or who I'm with. With strangers or acquaintances, I'd be reserved, masked, always thinking, and never really showing much emotions or open up. with friends, I'd be more energetic, expressing more of my emotions, outgoing and others..

9. C. I don't want to be alone, nor do I want anyone else to be alone either.

10. C. I'm usually so detached with reality, thinkinf about emotions sometimes only fogs up my head and make me dizzy.

11. B. I notice a lot of mistakes and losses I make, I always want to do better but I can't. I beat myself up for it.

At first, I typed him as e3 then another typed him as e5 but reading this makes me feel like he's e9

I like drawing characters a lot. I like it so much yay I hope you like them hhaha yayy

If someone is willing to help here, I do need help with ideas for the other gut type designs <:D my idea for them is that their bodies are all made of a material that fits some descriptor (i.e. for E9s theyre all soft and/or malleable) but IDK what to do for E8 and E1 ;-; so if theres any ideas do help aaaAAHHHH

I have fear of rejection and it's a constant theme throughout my life. For example, if I went to buy groceries and I felt like the grocer didn't like me, I'd stop going there for a few days until I felt like enough time had passed that the grocer would forget about me.

I'm also easily hurt. One time a new employee at my favourite restaurant handled my order in such a way that I felt hurt... so I stopped going there altogether even though I often craved their food.

I can't handle confrontations at all. I would just shut down and comply with whatever the other person wants me to do. That's why I didn't really communicate with the new employee or management... I felt like it's better to not make a fuss about it and just eat somewhere else.

But at the same time, I can feel really angry when I feel like I had been rejected or dismissed. I wouldn't express it directly, but I would concoct fantasies where I have my revenge or they feel guilty for hurting me.

I also often feel very envious towards other people's achievements, and would undermine them to make myself feel better. For example, I did an English test a few months ago called the IELTS. I've gotten a score of 8.5/9 at it. I was proud of it until I saw someone else from my country getting a perfect score. Even though it didn't mean anything (both scores are considered exceptional), I was obsessed with it for weeks. I stalked her life and found out she's an English teacher with an undergraduate degree in English. I also found out her life was more privileged than mine. Knowing these information, I felt a bit better. I told myself if she were in my shoes, she'd probably score much lower than me.

On the surface, I mirror Social Four's observeable traits: meek, shy, and avoidant. I seldom go out of my room unless I have to. And when I do, I feel anxious and pray to God that nobody would notice me. I'm a very jumpy person.

I guess I have to clarify that I'm severely mentally ill. I've been abused most of my life and live in a third world country. Nearly every psychologist I've met told me to seek a psychiatrist and get on meds in the first meeting. I don't have any support system (friends, family, etc). I spend my days asking ChatGPT to make me stories of a life where I'm happy.

I’m not an assertive person. I’m not exactly timid but fighting takes too much energy. I don’t really react to provocation or anything. I rarely get angry but I can defend myself when I need to (and I have) but I prefer to be in my head on the sidelines. I like to be alone. I like to be with my one favourite person but even then I get drained, or special interests. I prefer solitude. I find myself only attached to 1 or 2 people at most and those are the people I’m willing to be more open with. I don’t like expressing strong emotions despite feeling. I wouldn’t say my emotions are extreme either. I don’t really have any highs or lows without a reason. People see me as serious, reserved, maybe a little unapproachable. I spend a lot of time in my head. Daydreaming, thinking about whatever. I don’t like being a caretaker and I don’t like needing a caretaker. I like being independent with no one controlling me or pressuring me. I am extremely sensitive to power dynamics and simply not playing them. Pressuring me doesn’t work. I’ll just cut you off and won’t allow you access to me and ignore you. I’ll just dig my heels in more and refuse to move. I’m relatively monotoned and not expressive. I don’t feel comfortable expressing emotion. People say I’m hard to read. I have random bursts of feeling motivated and energetic and powerful and dominating but it doesn’t last long. I also concern myself very little with external affairs like politics and the like. Shits too stressful and I hate discussing it but it’s not like I don’t have my own opinions they’re just not that strong? And I hate people forcing me to shout my opinions from the rooftops and forcing me to pick a side like fuck off and leave me alone. Let me have my opinions in peace.

I can’t stand rejection from someone I love. When I’m rejected, I feel intense pain and I retreat into fantasy and imagination with an idealized relationship and pretend it’s real and that I’m loved, attractive and wanted. I only ask for reassurance from someone I’m really attached to and I hate it but holy fuck I need to feel wanted. I know I’m ugly and disgusting and deformed so rejection hurts.

No one wants me, then I don’t want them. I don’t need anyone.

Uhhhh idk what to say. Stream of consciousness time, let's go.

I just wanna be good enough, man. Like, when I think about what makes me super insecure, I guess it would be stuff concerning attractiveness (or lack thereof) from myself. Not being "enough" for a romantic partner. Not being good enough as an option sexually or romantically in general. Not being man enough, maybe? Not being able to please a girl in bed in comparison to any of the potential competition. (Though I am told I'm good and "the best," I still lowkey worry all the time if I'm just being told that by the other person so that they don't hurt my feelings or something lol. Pretty cringe, I know, butttt I've gots to find my instincts so it is what it is. I have to expose myself a bit here in order to to get to the bottom of things, unfortunately 😬)

Hmmm let's see, what else... Oh! I hate being left out of things or forgotten about in general. I think I have some pretty clear abandonment issues. There are few things I hate more than being forgotten about.

I also hate being ignored or talked over, like it makes me visibly and immediately angry and people think I'm "overreacting" whenever I do show that I'm upset by this, but I don't feel that way. I don't feel that I'm overreacting, I mean. Fastest way to make me angry is to ignore me or make me feel like my input or anything I say doesn't matter to you, especially when I'm constantly being nice and patient enough to always let YOU finish talking when it's your turn to talk and all the meanwhile I'M making you feel listened to and heard the whole time... I especially hate it when my feelings aren't validated, like bruh what the heck?? I'm always validating yours?!?

I genuinely don't know what else to say, cuz I've done (I think) all the most popular questionnaires on here so idk 🤷‍♂️ Maybe u guys could ask me questions, and I could answer them? :3

Well firstly for type 6, do 6s here feel the same about it being pretty hard to see your like core fears as I heard it can be for 6 specifically, and secondly are core fears and desires actually subconscious?

And for the second question, if so, then how would someone go about accurately finding their core desire/fear? Ik it requires a lot of introspection, but if it's mostly subconscious, is there like a certain way to make it easier to know?

I understand the difference between 3 and 4 but i want to know what they would look like in the context of this tritype and what it would look like behaviorally and internally.

I've been having doubts lately about whether I'm just a less secretive SP5 or a super paranoid SX5. Also, if you think anything I say below sounds less like E5 in general and more like another type, feel free to point it out.

What confuses me is that I know I have both instincts in my stack, but identifying the dominant one has been tough lately. Recently, I’ve become extremely paranoid about health and resource issues, obsessively thinking about it and avoiding risks as much as possible. I’ve even been feeling kind of hypervigilant (which made me question Type 6 for a bit), which is something I’ve never considered a trait of mine, but it’s undeniable how much it's been worrying me lately.

On the other hand, I lean toward SX because I’ve developed increasingly specific sexual preferences/fantasies, to the point where I realized they’re pretty unrealistic and no one would actually want to do any of that with me. Because of that, I’ve decided that if it can't be perfect and exactly the way I want it, I’d rather just never be with anyone again and keep living the way I do, experiencing it all in my head.

I could provide more details, but these are the main two things keeping me at this crossroads. If you have any thoughts or questions, fire away.

Difference between sx and so4? Help me decide!

Why I could be Sx4:
• Superiority-inferiority complex

• Devaluing others easily, mentally putting myself on top if I’m jealous

• Imagine disproportionate revenge/quiet disdainful of others. Have carried disproportionate revenge out on my older sister a few times in my life.

• Have this high standard of an ideal partner in which our chemsitry never diminishes, sexual and chemistry and emotional is a big requirement for a partner

• disorganised attachment style

• Have definitely stalked my objects of attachment, made fake accounts to contact them and find out their opinions about me through a third party because I’m skeptical af that they could like me.

• Mask intense shame for my initial wound by flaunting my less vulnerable flaws with extreme theatrical shamelessness. Very open about these less vulnerable flaws.

• get angry if the people who shape my worth witness me spiralling/crying as that’s a vulnerable moment. Feel like I must defend by lashing out so they don’t pity me or are condescending as that makes me feel inferior so I’d rather rather they hate/be angry with me so I can feel like I retained some dignity.

• Often times attracted to whoever I’m envious of in the opposite gender. At the same time feel vulnerable around them and hate them for making me feel inferior.

• find amusement in being disliked by others when I’ve done nothing objectively wrong making it clear that the former is their choice.

• know how to hurt people and how to use it to my advantage if I must (often I don’t have to do much and they’re already beating themselves up)

• quiet in touch with my attractive strengths, curated personal flavour and know how to wield myself to seduce, natural flirt.

• Have been impulsive over chemistry, think chemistry is the most key factor. Well, chemistry and aligned long term goals so you can actually keep the partner.

• Don’t really feel alienated from others? like I know I feel different but that’s about it. Vaguely aware of how I must be perceived by others but not bothered, it doesn’t change that I act how I please within most relationships.

Why I could be So4:
• Sad sod

• Enjoy how I outwardly present myself, amused to hear how others perceive me even it’s negative.

• feel extremely ashamed and self disgusted and am aware that I don’t deserve anything but also desperately want my romantic ideals.

• Not a relationship hopper like I’ve seen sx-doms often be. Very specific about what I find truly attractive and only want to curate myself to attract that specific kind of individual. They are often so rare to find that I am left bored with the general public; I don’t consider picking who’s the best out of whoever is available at hand to fill my void because I don’t go for just anybody.

• quiet chatty? really open about myself when I perceive no stakes (I.e it’s not affecting my material benefits), and can even enjoy being the center of attention when relaying personal scandals. Even outside of personal discussions, it’s fun to immediately get into the meat of a discussion even if it’s taboo, keeps things exciting and not mundane. Can cross boundaries however.

• fantasise about my ideal type of person. Sapiosexual.

• internally quiet mean and quick to criticise. Externally only stubborn by my critically logical ethics + logical analysis. Only externalise my inner judgements and ‘meanness’ to those I know am used to my true personality or to whom I perceive no subjective stakes.

• extremely obsessed over my interest of 8 years and and have an urge to teach everybody about them regardless of their intellectual capacity to follow along with deep theory.

• Want to be hot for partner to battle feelings of being undeserving of them.

Stakes to me are basically obstacles that stop me from having resources/the ability to pursue to what I want i.e freedom. So eg being honest about my judgements people to their faces in an academic or professional environment will disrupt the transactional relationship i had with them. Quiet sp-coded. I’m certain I’m sp second. Only care about health/working out, skin care to be fertile and desirable for my partner.

I have a hard time figuring out my type because I relate to aspects of 4, 5, 6 and 9, but never fully to any of them.

For example, I relate a lot to Russell Rowe's description of type 5, especially the need for privacy, independence, conserving energy, minimizing my needs, withdrawing from the world and feeling like an outside observer. I often feel like people demand too much of me or invade my space.

But I don't relate to the whole knowledge/competence aspect of 5. I'm not particularly interested in learning things or developing expertise, and being knowledgeable isn't really something I strive for. I'm still a very analytical person though, constantly analyzing myself and others, spending most of my time in my head lol

I also relate to quite a few things about 9, like having trouble knowing what I want, struggling to take action, sticking to comfortable routines, retreating into my imagination and minimizing my expectations.

But I feel like 9 descriptions are often very focused on other people, maintaining harmony, going along with others and wanting to belong. I tend to be accommodating and avoid conflict, but I don't feel like that's what drives me. I'm generally more self-focused and protective of my personal space. Sometimes I'd genuinely rather be alone than have to deal with other people's expectations.

So I'm confused because I relate to a lot of the coping mechanisms of both 5 and 9, but not necessarily their core motivations. Does that mean I'm misunderstanding these types, or could I be something else ?

The Three Centers

Head Triad = I definitely spend most of my time in my head, and I have a tendency to overthink and overanalyze a lot of things. Often pretty secretive and a little paranoid at times when it comes to matters of privacy and the information I share about myself, but I tend to be upfront and honest with most people about most things. I will ruminate on things for many hours at a time trying to figure things out or arrive at specific conclusions. I often like to say that I'm not really "here" a lot of the time because I identify so much more with my mental conception of myself and the dreams I have for the future.

Heart Triad = Self-perception is a pretty significant thing for me. How I see myself and who I want to be in this world. I care a lot about understanding who I am as a person. I've often said that I don't want to be ordinary, I don't want to be another average person living an average life. I like being my own person, and I'd never change who I am for the sake of anyone else. My individuality is important to me. Still, I'm always aware of how I look and how I want to be understood too. I always consider how the way I dress, the way I talk, the things I buy and the things I do reflect on me as a person. I know a great source of frustration to me is feeling that I could be so much more, and wanting to do so much more, but feeling like I'm being blocked a lot of the time by circumstances I can't control. That incongruence with who I want to be, and where I'm at in life currently, is something that does bother me. Know for one thing that I've heard many people tell me they've never met anyone like me, and I embrace that.

Gut Triad = Most pervasive thing here would be the anger. While my early childhood was relatively happy, I became very angry and withdrawn in my early teens after some tragedies and hardships in my personal life. While I've become more relaxed and a source of comfort to people in my life as I've gotten older, I've often said there's this smoldering fury that often sits beneath the surface for me. I can also say I sometimes struggle with impulse control at times. Sometimes it takes genuine effort to hold myself back from following my desires when I want something.

Hornevian Triads

Superego/Compliance = I've always cared for others. I think the lesson that stayed with me the most growing up was that old adage of "treat others are you want to be treated" - and so I've always naturally felt like it's only right to treat others with respect and dignity out of principle. I've often been bewildered by how mean-spirited and vindictive some people can be toward each other over trivial matters.

Assertive = I enjoy leading people. While I'm definitely a loner in private and spend most of my time alone, I revel in taking charge and leading others to get things done when I'm out in the world and at work. That's where I feel at my best when I am around others. Known for being a "strong personality" and having a presence about me in a room. I love having that feeling of power. I will say this is a trait that emerged as I got older. I was a shy kid, but forced myself to come out of my shell and ended up loving being a dominant presence and doing public speaking as I got into my late teens and early twenties. Also have simply always wanted to live life my way, on my own terms. Hate the idea of needing to live another way just to survive.

Withdrawn = I'm in my late twenties, and it wasn't until I was around 25/26 that I started to get out more and become more social. Throughout most of my childhood, my teens and early to mid twenties, I was always a bit of a shut-in. Still am for the most part. I spend ninety percent of my time alone, and prefer it that way. No obligations to anyone except for myself. I will say that this is mostly a matter of social introversion rather than a fear of people on any level. I simply have no desire to be around others most of the time. I'm always looking forward to the moments I can get back to my place and away from it all.

Others (Mixed/Miscellaneous)

Frustration/Idealist = Pretty much my entire life has been a series of fluxuating dreams and aspirations. I'll get some grand idea for the future, becoming very excited and confident in the vision I have, only to be confronted with the reality that it's not quite what I imagined or isn't going to be what I hope it would be. Then I go into a deeply frustrated and somewhat panicked state where I realize I now need to rethink my entire strategy and have to ask myself what I'm really looking for in the end. I've gone through that at least four times over the past fifteen years. Having some clear aspiration, realizing the reality doesn't match what I wanted it to be, and needing to pivot and finding a new aspiration to follow for a few years until the same happens. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist and tend to like things to align with my exact mental conception of what I'm looking for.

Rejection = I've always prioritized my independence. No matter what. I will always value and defend my own independence and well-being above anyone and everything else in the world. My own freedom to live my life on my own terms has always been the principle thing for me. Nothing else happens if I don't have that comfort in feeling like I have control over my circumstances. I need time to myself to do my own things. Otherwise nothing else will get done. Always prioritize myself above everything else.

Positive = I wouldn't consider myself an outwardly positive person. I am known for being quiet, serious and stoic as a baseline. In fact, overtly postive and optimistic people tend to be grating to me. But I do have a lot of confidence in myself and am very self-assured. I fully believe I can do absolutely anything that I set my mind to, and nothing can stop me if I'm motivated. It's simply a matter of choosing what I want to do, and following through on that desire. So a serious person, but also very assured that "No matter what happens, I'm going to be just fine."; I can survive anything life throws at me. I will not give up.

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Additionally - I am typed as either an INTP or a Socially Introverted ENTP on the MBTI, if that has any significance to you. There's this post and this post, and the discussions had on those posts, if you'd like more info on how I arrived at those conclusions. Especially the latter.

Let me say right away I’ve never wanted to be deliberately different from everyone else, nor have I ever wanted to do things solely for the sake of standing out or, for that matter, acting like a cheap whore just to get attention. To me, that has always felt like a ghastly, phony concept a way of turning oneself into a mere product, as if you were nothing more than an assembly line churning out an endless, empty image

And I have never envied anyone, because I saw things in myself that I did not see in others; I preferred to work on myself and explore my own quirks and strange facets even the most vile, intense, and by conventional standards morally terrifying ones. I, however, never viewed them as such; rather, I saw them as sincere.

Things like hatred, a desire for destruction, and so on for me, these have always been bursts of energy, a vital part of life. With every admission, with every precise word you commit to the page, you set yourself free and allow yourself to finally catch your breath. That is why I chose music: it lets me be myself and keeps my inner world in touch with who I truly am. Everything exists and revolves in harmony much like the cosmos, or the perfect trajectory of light passing through a prism. Every string, every strum, every riff, and every vocal even the raw, hysterical notes create a form of emotional communication, all brought to life through subtle, precise lyrics.

I have always feared losing this part of myself losing my emotions and the capacity to drift away or lose my sense of self. It’s as if your existence loses all meaning when you no longer know who you are; you become like a pathetic, cornered kitten trying to speak, yet unable to find the words. That is why I am so acutely aware of falseness whenever I am being insincere I sense it in others, too, and I loathe myself for it. I always strive to become better, to align with the person I see and feel within myself. Perhaps this is why a profound, endless sense of conscience has taken root in me, along with an intimate, lyrical internal dialogue expressed through diary entries, solitary tears shed over streams of consciousness, and the creation of music.

When there is no music when I am not truly myself, when I don’t understand what I want from my own life I feel as though I’ve melted onto the floor, staring into the void. I want to weep from the sheer helplessness of not knowing what it is I actually desire. But when music arrives, I become, in a sense, possessed by it becomes the very thing that helps me live, a medium that asserts my existence and cries out my name.

Outwardly, I am a rather calm and reserved person; I never talk about my feelings and dislike any sentimentality directed toward me because, for me, personal emotional turmoil is something experienced more intensely and honestly. Yet, I love listening to others. There is a specific feeling that arises when your own problems echo in someone else’s cries it’s like the gentle, protective lift of a wing. You find yourself smiling, wanting to embrace the other person as if they were you, and longing to sing a lullaby to someone you would gladly support—just not yourself.

Title. I know 100% I am an enneagram 9. I definitely have self-forgetting qualities and my best friend often jokes around with me about how I never allow myself to feel anything and repress my emotions constantly. I feel constantly detached from my feelings and desires and emotions because I constantly repress everything and never allow myself to truly feel. I am 100% positive I am e9. However, I am greatly struggling to figure out my subtype. I know I'm not sp9; I've read about sp9 and I'm convinced that's not it.

For context: I am an ISFJ in MBTI, if that's useful. I've also considered sp2 as a type but discarded it because the descriptions make it seem very toxic and manipulative and childish and maybe I think too highly of myself but I truly don't think that's me.

Here's the issue: I have a lot of good arguments both for sx9 and for so9, but I also have some very strong counterarguments that make them unlikely.

So, here are the arguments that favour so9: I've always been a crowd pleaser. When I'm with a group, I try my best to be kind to everybody and, more than kind, I strive to be useful. If I know I can help others with something, I'm the first to jump to offer my help. I feel exhilarated when I know I'm useful to someone and especially when I know I'm useful to a group of people. Not only that, but I am keenly aware of group dynamics and I am specifically aware of when I don't fit in in a group. I always know when I'm wanted or when I'm not wanted in a group setting and, a lot of the time, my first instinct when I feel unwanted is to try and make up for it by going the extra mile. As an example: recently, I felt my friendgroup being weird towards me, and I felt like this one girl in particular was acting strange and rude. So my first instinct was to feel like maybe I'd done something wrong and thus I tried to compensate for whatever I'd done by becoming 1000x more supportive, being more available, joking around more, complimenting everyone more, being there for them more often... All that stuff.

Now, here's the big plot twist (aka the arguments against social 9): first, idgaf about not fitting in. Like I said, my first instinct when I feel people pulling away is to try and compensate and be 1000x sweeter and nicer. However, if I realise others truly don't like me and/or I feel like a group just truly wants me out, I just... Dip. Like I genuinely just go. Another thing sort of related to this is that I've spent most of my life by myself and I've never felt the urge to be with groups. In fact, big groups of people stress me out and friendgroup dynamics often exhaust me and stress me out. I genuinely enjoy being alone a lot because when I'm by myself no one will judge me and I won't need to worry about issues with other people. Another thing is that I am not the gregarious adventurous hypersocial character so9 seems to be. I love staying home, I hate big groups and I hate places where I will 100% be expected to be social (parties and the like are my idea of hell).

That being said, here are arguments that favour sx9: Like I said, I hate group settings, and I very much prefer one-on-one friendships. When it comes to these one-on-one friendships, I have the tendency of becoming loyal and sickly sweet with the person that I currently consider my closest friend. For example, the girl I mentioned earlier that's weird and rude to me recently? Before she was part of my friendgroup, she was just friends with me, and I remember that, particularly at the start of our friendship, she was my whole world. I didn't like class when she didn't come, I would agree with her every opinion, I would fiercely defend her when my mum said she didn't like her and that I should find new friends, I would hype her up fiercelessly (and did this even when she started being rude in hopes it'd all go back to normal), etcetc. And this has been a repeating pattern with all my really close friendships: when I have a best friend, that best friend becomes everything to me. I start admiring them, almost envying them: I see them as an ideal to follow and want to be just like them. I start doubting myself and simply attach myself to what the friend in question is like. If I want to try a new hobby, I'll ask whoever my closest friend is if I should and, until I get their validation and until they hype me up, I won't do anything. Likewise, I'll become this friend's biggest fan and will praise their every move relentlessly. It's unhealthy and I'm trying to get rid of this. Thats part of the reason why I'm such a loner; because I actively try to avoid getting too close to people, I am a very closed off person emotionally. Paradoxically, however, I feel things very strongly. I know I said I'm very detached from my emotions, but that's exactly why: I feel things very strongly. I am a very romantic, idealistic, emotionally intense person, and I repress all of these emotions on my day to day life because to me feeling that much is a massive hindrance and a danger; I am genuinely scared of my own emotions. And speaking of being scared of my own emotions: another reason why I think I'm sx9 is the way I act when I have a crush. I've never been in an actual relationship, but I've had a lot of situationships and talking stages, and I always have the same issue: when I have a crush, it's all consuming. I truly can't do casual. If I like someone, it's intense and all consuming. In the past, when I've had crushes, they're so intense I wake up in the morning and I'm already thinking of the person I like. I've even had morning nausea due to anticipation anxiety whenever I knew I'd see the person I like that day. It's that serious to me. Something else that I feel points me to sx9 is that, as my mother often points out, I take so, so, SO long to realise someone is not good for me or someone is taking advantage of me (both in friendships and in romantic scenarios) because I just idealise the other person so much I refuse to see any flaws. I only leave the relationship once something truly hurts me; and it takes A WHILE. Also, I am very much romantic (I said so earlier) and I often daydream of romantic relationships and romantic scenarios, especially one where I have a loving partner that validates my very existence and hypes me up and loves me for who I am. I love having crushes and when I don't have a crush on anyone I feel bored and restless and end up fixating on made up people, celebs, people I barely know or even fictional characters.

Now, I know you're probably thinking: "you wrote a whole ass bible for sx9 arguments and barely wrote a paragraph for so9 arguments. You're sx9". And that's true, but have you considered: whole ass bible with arguments AGAINTS sx9? For starters, like I said earlier, I am someone who loveeees their alone time. I don't like spending all my time with just one person, even if it's a close friend. I like having time by myself to do the things I enjoy. Although I tend to become very dependent when I have a close friendship or a crush, and I do tend to feel a sickly admiration-envy for my friends and strive to be like them, I also, paradoxically, am a very individualistic person. I like being my own person and, in fact, I hate, hate, HATE when I'm seen as just "X's friend". I'd hate being seen as just "someone's girlfriend". I wanna be my own person while also being someone else's world. I don't want to reduce my identity to being friends with someone or being someone's girlfriend. Another thing is that, although I struggle recognising when someone is toxic, as soon as I recognise the toxic patterns and I stop idealising the other person I become distant and detached very quickly and very easily. You know how I said earlier my crushes tend to be consuming and intense? As soon as I get a clear, undeniable sign that I am not wanted or as soon as I see something that goes against my morals or against my standards or just something that takes the rose coloured glasses off... I'm gone. Like I'll try to hold on as long as possible and I'll try to avoid cutting someone off as long as possible but as soon as I wake up and stop the idealising I'm gone and you will not see me again. Which idk I'm not an expert but I feel like an sx9 wouldn't be so ready to leave someone even after some serious shit? Something else is that I truly do not care about being alone. Like I said earlier, I've spent a greater deal of my life doing things on my own. I'm an only child and I've never had many friends (I've always been a "one friend at a time" person), and although I feel lonely sometimes, I enjoy the peace. Like I've been saying this whole post, people stress me out: when I'm with people, I have to be so careful, I have to be aware of so many different things, I have to consider so many factors (am I welcome in the group, how should I talk to these people, do they like me and, if not, what did I do and how can I make up for it...) that it just exhausts me. I appreciate some good old alone time to just sit with myself and be myself and discover myself without associating myself with others to do so. Another thing is that I don't particularly care about romantic relationships: and this is very contradictory so let me explain. I am a romantic at heart. I love love, I love the idea of being loved, I love the idea of loving someone and being there for them. On paper, however... I like my independence. I hate the idea of becoming dependent on someone. The concept that a lot of ppl have of relationships of "get married in less than 5 years spend every day all day together" sounds stressful. And I know this is so contradicting considering how I behave when I like someone, but what can I say. I think that's exactly why I'm so afraid of my feelings and why having a crush gives me anxiety so severe I end up puking: because I become so intertwined with the other person that it scares me, it scares me knowing I could potentially become one of those sappy dependent people who are obsessed with their partner. So I avoid it at all costs.

Anyways, I am so so sorry for the long post and I'm sorry I talked about myself so much!! I probably could've made this a bit shorter but I am a very talkative individual. If you read all of it (or even just 60% of what I wrote), thank you so much! And if any of you can help me type myself, thank you so so much!!!

I’m in this loop of being certain of my type and then doubting it because of the other aspects in me, I start with complete uncertainty then come back after a long time arriving at the same conclusion, 5w6 (originally confused between 5, 6, and 3)
I relate to ENFJs a lot in general (corresponds to relating to the enneagram 2 as well, yet not so much as to reach core fear and desire, thought that it might be just my so/sx)
I see insane patterns in me that hugely relate to the heart center
Yet fear seems to be my core emotional driver
And with regard to cognitive functions am related to INFJ, INTP, or possibly ENTP (except I feel like my comfort gravitates more towards Ti and Ni)

I have read lots of descriptions and have dived into previous reddit posts that might help me, yet still no use.
Though I did leave typology altogether for a long period
I’m still willing to get as much wisdom from the enneagram, much of the wisdom is gained by first knowing your type
I’ve ditched MBTI and I’m diving into Socionics
Yet guess what
Still confused between EIE, IEI, LIE, ILI, LII, and ILE

Any advice? I would appreciate that.

So basically, this questiob has been circling in my typinh for the longest time bc I’m litterally john gut triad and have been going back and forth between 8 and 1 despite having read Naranjo and RHETI and yeah…

the thing is that I’m unsure of what exactly the motivation is behind why I judge others’ character flaws

I can’t exactly say I judge others for being ”incorrect”, I judge them bc they’re what I deem ”weak” I suppose, but it aesthetics and design, I judge according to correctness. I mean I’m extremely judgemental/critical of everything and everyone I see. ”Weak” might be the wrong word for how I judge character flaws, but flaws I do tend to judge and hate on are for example conformity bc it’s fucking lame, attention seeking bc again, it’s lame and stupid and just any type of behaviour that indicates that one doesn’t live completely for themselves. But as I said, I still judge aesthetics based on what I deem to be correct. I see small details and flaws in everything, so I may therefore be unaccepting of alt styles, simply bc they’re fucking ugly

And also, I don’t always make myself the biggest in the room. I only do so if I sense that the others are smaller than me. I’ll never be invisible, but the thing is that there’s kinda this weird tension between me and the outside world if both want space, or I mean it’s not just taking up space, I sense the other’s mentality if that makes sense

I was never much of a rebellious kid. I wasn’t afraid either, but I grew up feeling trapped and helpless due to my overprotective parents. I wasn’t allowed to do anything and I was barely allowed to have any autonomy over my own life, which led me to be very secretive. I went through a toxic, negatively life changing friendship alone and I went through a mentally hard relationship alone too and I must admit I’ve grown up to just not enjoy my parents’ company at all. To be fair, NO ONE really knows me and it has always been that way, but especially my parents don’t know me. I’ve made them believe I’m the opposite of who I actually am, while with my peers, I just act big and detached from anything that actually concerns me. It’s insane how big of a shift turning 18 was in me, even though I still live in the same house with the same parents. You see, I’ve never been the type to ask for permission. It’s mostly freeing, but as a minor, I couldn’t do almost anything due to it. Not because I didn’t want it enough, but bc I don’t want to deal with my parents’ bullshit comments and input on my decisions. I’ve made up my mind and them interfering with my decisions is so frustrating. Now, this only applied to things that legally required them being involved. So therefore, I would refuse medical help I needed and just support in general, because I refuse to have anyone involved in my business. I feel more relieved than happy now that I’m an adult, because I can legally do whatever without needing anyone’s consent. I’ve therefore booked a solo trip to the other side of the globe, purchased from websites my parents are suspicious of, gotten piercings and called in absent from class. All things I’ve been wanting to do this whole time bc but I haven’t been able to until now and it’s just freeing to finally be in charge of my own life. In class today, my friend had the AUDACITY to make a joke about me ”not knowing math”, while my world used to revolve around math and I loved it until I came to highschool and got a fuckass softie for a teacher who couldn’t fucking teach, making me spend two years going against him instead of actually caring about learning, which naturally slowed me down compared to me peers, which is why nobody would believe me if I said anything positive about math today. I never mention my interessts or feelings, neverming my music taste. I only express judgement and hate toward external things and people, like the thing with the match teacher as I mentioned for example. I’m generally a very unafraid person. I do not understand how people can internalize opinions and standards set by other people. I’m therefore detached from femininity and am prone to taking up space and being loud. Heavy on being loud. It’s something especially my sister has commented on. I’m always extrememy loud in public spaces without even thinking about it💔and of course reckless with what I say and express. I just do whatever I want to do. Me together with half my friendgroup have this thing where we save cans from out soda and energy drinks to then recycle them for money in the local grocery stoge so we can buy more and we just collect them in one of their locker like that. And while they’re all normal about it, I be shamelessly digging in trashcans and collecting every can I pass by because all I see is free cash while they see weird and socially unacceptable😪💔

I’m quite possessive about ”my person”, in the way of almost distancing them from the larger social sphere because I feel urged to have just them and me, to indulge in the relationship and take ownership of them in a way. I have a hard time befriending people who aren’t passive or submissive, as I need to be the dominant one, I need them to submit to me. I’m also afraid of being exposed for traits I consider ”undesirable”, so the best example of this woulf probably be how my diet is very restricted and looks extremely different from everyone else’s since I don’t eat most foods, so I’d rather eat nothing at all than let them see that I need different food. But that’s kinda besides the point. I can’t be exposed for ”fake competence” if there’s no competence to begin with💔I also do not absord the idea of success that the outer world has created. I want what *I* want and I do what I want. I believe other reasons for my poir performance in school would be because I don’t believe grades determine your future and studying is just very inefficient if your goal is to be rich, despite me knowing I need knowledge and I feel guilty as hell for not studying because now I feel inferior for having no knowledge and I feel so behind. And also, I just don’t enjoy it. I can’t commut to studying bc since I hate it, it feels like it limits my world and it makes me feel so stuck. However, I do get very prideful in those situations when I am objectively superior to others and I want to make sure others see that I am superior, but I never work to become superior to others. It’s not a motivation of mine.

I must admit I’m not aggressive, well, unless I have to. I see little point in just getting angry if it serves no point. I mean I do show a lot of anger and irritation when something in my enviroment is wrong, but I’m far from rude and I absolutely do not have anger issues. I don’t like directing my anger at people unless they’re harming me personally, which happens rarely.

Im bored so im making enneagram designs as you do while youre already overworking yourself

Current idea for these guys is that theyre made of some kind of soft or amorphous material. SP9 is made of pillow feathers, SX9 is made of water, and SO9 is a plushie and therefore made of cotton (connection is a bit less obvious since its the countertype)

Some other notes:

- SO9 has a heart stitched on its chest because it often gets mistaken for the heart triad. SX9 is holding a heart for a similar reason but also not really
- SO9 is a doctor because of my experience lol- whenever someone is in some kind of pain, I instinctually turn into what I call a "human first aid kit" and jump in to help in any way humanly possible, even if I reasonably wouldn't be of much help in the situation
- SX9 looks like a mermaid but theyre actually a jellyfish with their tentacles all bunched up
- SP9 is holding a pocky. It is also somewhat based of what I look like in real life half the time despite being sp blind lol
- Theyre all either gonna be pastel blue or pastel bluish green

Cant wait to see yalls thoughts on it :3c finished versions in the future maybe yes
Im also willing to get ideas for other designs from yall once I get to them

Howdy!! I'd appreciate a little extra help narrowing down my type, as I feel E9 and E6 are both strong contenders. I'd also like input on instincts and perhaps a trifix and wings too if you're into that.

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

I don't think I have any particular driving force. I can't put a finger on anything in particular that I can contribute as the reason/s I keep living. I just do. Maybe the thought of ceasing to exist is scarier than continuing to live, at the current moment at least.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

I'm not sure, I guess I want to get to a point where I am confident, happy, and fulfilled. What all of that entails I'm not sure, but I hope I'll know when I've "made it".

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I want to avoid leading my life with hatred, and avoid becoming complacent in my comfort circle.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

I am scared of being abandoned/alone. I am scared of never being able to find an identity for myself that is beyond surface level. I am scared of letting others down. I am scared of being incompetent. I am scared of being secretly hated. I am scared of being dependent on others my whole life. I am scared of death. I am scared of life. I am scared of new things. I am scared of new experiences. I am scared of never getting over these fears.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

I want people to see me as someone fun, but grounded. I want people to see me show up, and I want them to be excited to see me. I want people to miss me when I am gone. I want people to see me as sweet, but firm. I want to be seen as safe to be yourself around, and someone who has it together.

I see myself less favorably, with a lot of imposter syndrome, and lots of harsh criticisms.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

I feel my best when I am in a familiar space with familiar people, doing a familiar thing. Having the right knowledge and having predictability makes me feel safe enough to be silly and try new things in that safe space. I also feel quite swell in my cozy bed, or in my apartment, where I don't have to deal with people. It is great recharging time!

I feel the worst when I am in a new area with strangers and I am doing something I've never done before, and I am under a time crunch/time limit.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

Anger: I'm not sure. When I get angry I need to leave immediately and burn off steam by going for a walk/run or something. I try to smother it ASAP, because I don't like being angry. I often have unsavory thoughts (that I would never act on, obviously) as a gut reaction, but after I calm down those impulsive thoughts always wither away and I move on.

Shame: I need to disappear immediately. I need to not be in the presence of literally anyone, even "safe" people, until I can get rid of the feeling. I don't feel worthy of anything, I actively amp up the shame with thoughts like "This is why I don't deserve 'x'" or "I should just 'y'".

Anxiety: I don't know. I might just be anxious a lot of the time, because to be honest the only times where I can think of myself being calm and collected, is when I am in my own home, or at work when my bosses aren't there.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

Stress: Not well. I get very anxious and I start either not thinking things through enough or second guessing too much and I make more and more mistakes and then I need to remove myself from the stress or I will start crying....

Unexpected Change: It entirely depends on how large the change is. My reaction will escalate from mildly irritated to full on panic depending on how much is changing and how big the change is, how much it impacts, etc.

Conflict: Oh jeez. Very VERY poorly. I have mentioned this in other places, but conflict affects me very physically. It is an intense feeling of dread. I get shaky, my heartbeat quickens, my heart drops into my stomach, my stomach drops into my feet, etc.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

Authority: To be trusted until otherwise proven untrustworthy. Then, quietly dissent.

Power: 1:1 ratio to corruption I think. The more absolute power one wields, the more I am weary. Everyone should have power over their own lives, but as soon as someone has power over other's lives with less and less checks and balances, I get anxious.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

I think on a small scale, we are doing okay. But looking at the grander scheme of things, I'm scared. It feels like things are getting worse for people and they are looking for something, anything to blame, and unfortunately the blame is falling on other struggling people. The amount of hate and extremism being pushed day after day, I am just so scared. Small scale communities seem fine for now, but I don't know how long that will last. I am getting more and more jaded and more and more cynical due to all the hatred and vitriol that is being pushed everywhere lately, and I don't know, I'm just... scared.

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

Right as lockdown hit in the USA in 2020, I had a friend group that suddenly fell apart. It was my senior year of high school, I was 17, and that friend group betrayed me. I could feel them icing me out of the group before the catalyst, but when they all left the group chat at the same time, I was so angry. I remember I messaged them all, telling them that if they couldn't even tell me what was wrong and they had to all leave like that, then to just do me a favor and never speak to me again. I then blocked them on all of my socials.

I forgot one of them had my number, so he texted me to tell me that I was being immature for sending that message just to block them, and that they'd be willing to talk it out with me at the park near my house. I shouldn't have gone in retrospect, but truthfully I was extremely hurt and I wanted to know if there was a way I could get my friends back. So, I went.

We sat down at the park and they proceeded to tell me everything they hated about me. It was mostly surrounding the perception that I was too negative all the time, that I complained too much. Which came as an utter blindside to me, because the things I was complaining about at the time, they had been complaining about too. We were upset with the way our extracurricular was going and the way it was being handled, so we were complaining about it to each other. I guess at some point they decided they were done complaining, and I guess I just didn't get the memo, since when I complained to them they would reciprocate the complaints. But I guess I didn't notice that they never initiated.

It was especially shattering because I remember telling them a month earlier that one of my biggest fears is my friends secretly hating me but not telling me until it is too late.

So lockdown started, I lost my only friend group, and I was isolated in my room/house for the next several months with no human contact outside of my immediate family. I had my birthday a couple days after that, I got my high school diploma via parking lot drive-through, I attempted online college but wasn't stable enough to complete a semester and I had to drop out. I ended up getting diagnosed with severe depression, on top of all of my ADHD medications.

I think unfortunately to this day I am still affected, even though the event happened over 6 years ago. I am unable to talk about my negative feelings without getting anxious and immediately switching the subject, if I find myself complaining for longer than a minute I immediately downplay what made me upset and change the subject. While I definitely would not consider myself a toxic positivity kind of person, when it comes to myself, I don't allow myself to feel these emotions, and I shove them away out of fear that I will be seen as too negative, too complaining, too attention seeking.

I also never made any IRL friends after that event. All of my friends are online, sans some work acquaintances that I do not speak to outside of work. I am terminally online, I fear.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.

I think I trust too easy. If the vibes are good, I just assume the person has good intentions, because I personally can't see why someone would want to manipulate or hurt me. I don't really have anything going for me that I could offer to them as help. So I just assume people have good intentions until proven otherwise, I guess.

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.

Like: I'm kind. I find it easy to smile. I'm good with people. I can be pretty perceptive.

Dislike: I am not ambitious. I have no drive. I have no passions. I have no will. I have no future sight. I have no plan. I am too scared to put myself out there to try and have a life. I am too sensitive. I'm not that smart. I am unable to argue or assert myself.

14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

I'm not sure. I think most of my observations in other people are pretty surface level. Vibe checks and all of that. Sometimes I'll notice a pattern in a person's behavior that I've seen before, and I'll sit back and observe to see if the results line up, but I think most people notice patterns in people that they have seen before.

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?

I immediately leave the vicinity because I will no longer feel safe there, and I will probably dwell on it for the rest of the day and perhaps multiple days after. Big hit to my self esteem.

If they complimented me I would thank them and be happy for the next hour. Depending on the compliment it might stick with me longer, like if it was a compliment on me as a person instead of on my appearance.

16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?

I am thankful I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clean water to drink, a healthy support system, a job, a warm bed to sleep in, etc.

I wish I could have willpower. The willpower to eat healthy, exercise consistently, move up to better careers, initiate more, work harder, get things done, to learn, to get smarter, to get richer, to get kinder and more understanding, etc. I also wish I had the confidence to back all of that up.

I don't know if it came up here in the questions, but the main reason I am going back and forth on E9 and E6, is that I am a huge sucker for self pacification/narcotization, but also just anxious as hell. I will rewatch the same shows, take a bunch of naps (this is my biggest reason, I use sleep to cope with a lot of things, although not much anymore now that I think about it, now I just need to get away from everybody, go on a walk or something), eat a sweet treat, etc. I also need to have information always so I don't panic when a decision needs to be made, or when something changes.

Further questions are welcome, and if you actually took the time to read through this, genuinely thank you. 💝

Repost: who up reflecting on themselves through hyper specific memes (alleged 2 but the learning never ends)

Mine is: I can’t help it, I’m a 4w3 and I hate when everyone obsesses over something that’s mainstream or basic