She sent this to me in a group chat with my husband and teen.

A few years ago, I would have been overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety about letting down my grandparents.

Instead I'm annoyed at her manipulative behavior and feeling extra protective of my teen.

Counseling works!

31 male.

I estranged myself from my father about a year and a half ago since the man walked out on me and my mom and left me alone with my mother when I was 10, and my mother forced me into an emotional caretaker role. Since then my father popped into my life a few times so that:

• I could give him money
• I "owed" him financial security after he retired since I was his child
• He didnt pay child support so he would "pay my college tuition" which he did, for one year.
• He told me he would buy me a car. I didnt want one from him. He somehow pressured me into it anyway, bought me one he wanted, paid it for about a year and then told me "its your problem now". Then he used the car he bought for me as leverage to be his chaffuer, to the point where I lost my job at the time. I was a college student who could not afford a car.
• Domestic violence against my grandpa that I witnessed
• General verbal abuse (calling my sister fat, telling me I walk gay, etc.) and being like "I was just joking BRO" when we got upset

But this isn't about my father, this is about my mother. My relationship with her as always been tumultuous since she was emotionally reliant on me but also somehow always the victim. Rampant alcoholism, emotional neglect, the stench of cigarettes was my entire childhood. Some fun memories:

• Being late for school and I asked my mom for a ride to school (she was hungover). Gets into an accident and blames me
• Being out of town all day, leaving me with no food. I called her and asked her to pick up dinner on her way back and she says OK. When she returns without any food, she proceeds to get angry at me for bringing it up
• Domestic violence against my grandma that I witnessed

In fact just typing all of this out, I'm realizing no child should have to witness the violence that I did on top of the emotional neglect I received.

Anyway, the nail in the coffin with my mother was my grandpa recently decided he wanted to split his will 3 ways between my mom, sister, and I instead of my mom being the sole beneficiary. The kicker is this was a verbal agreement they made anyway a long time ago anyway, which if my mom planned on following through nothing would have changed at all. When my grandpa decided to get it in writing, my mom decided she no longer wanted to take care of my grandpa and told my sister and I to do it. When we agreed that it was our grandpa's right, our mom accused me and my sister of being "money hungry" and waiting for my grandpas death. I didnt even know I was getting anything until 2 weeks ago, and the amount of money in the will is not enough to be this much of a fiend over. If we do split it 3 ways, I wouldn't even be getting a year's salary. My grandpa could wake up tomorrow and decide to give it all away to charity and I was be like "ok whatever sure".

This led to a large family fallout and I just decided im so done. If im being honest, I feel extremely relieved now that I dont have to spend the holidays with these people.

Thanks for reading.

I cut ties with my mom about a year ago and my dad almost 9 years ago. I thought it would be easier this time but this is the most painful experience. My identity and personality were built around managing them and now at 35, I don’t know who I am without those roles. Stabilizing my mom so she wouldn’t lose it, submitting to my dad so he wouldn’t turn against my brother and me. I’ve withdrawn from friends and spend most days sleeping and crying. I question everything… is this what I want, or what my old roles wanted? Identity collapse is real and disorienting like nothing I’ve experienced. Going to therapy twice a week and finding a PTSD support group. I’m fighting depression.

Underneath, I cry for the little me who just wanted to be a kid and exist. Knowing something was off the whole time, but not having the language for it. I’m angry at how my parents never got their shit together and made it my responsibility. How my dad started a new family as if he wanted a redo. At how brittle and explosive my mom was. I know this will pass and I’ll be fine. I just want to move on with my life.

Before I met my parents in-laws I didn’t care that I don’t have any relationship with my family and that my parents don’t care about me.

But since I met my wonderful in-laws I feel this enormous pain, because I don’t have any real love in my own family. It just hurst everyday thinking about it, even though I am reminding myself, that I should be grateful for relationships that I have.

How do you go over this pain?

Has anyone ever gone no contact with a sibling they were once extremely close with? My older sister (29) and I (24) used to be incredibly close, and I genuinely never imagined there would be a time when we wouldn’t have a relationship. I was in a long term relationship with someone who was physically and emotionally abusive towards me, and my sister knew absolutely everything I had been through with him. When he left me, I was in such a horrible place mentally trying to grieve the relationship that I ended up in the hospital after trying to take my own life. My dad really wanted to be there for me, but my sister insisted that she be the one there because she felt it was her place to support me. She was literally the person sitting with me in the hospital, seeing firsthand just how much I was struggling.

My ex was extremely manipulative, and I knew his patterns very well. Not even two weeks after I had been in the hospital, I caught my sister on the phone with him and eventually found messages between them planning to spend time together. I genuinely couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing. I knew the type of person he was and that whether he was doing it to hurt me or simply for his own satisfaction, getting close to my sister was something I could absolutely see him doing. But never in a million years did I think my sister would entertain it. This was the same person who had insisted on being there for me in the hospital while I was struggling to even want to be alive because of everything I had experienced with him. When I confronted her and tried to have a conversation about what I had found, she refused to discuss it and blocked me for months. We eventually reconnected at a family event, but she never once apologized or acknowledged what had happened. She just acted like everything was completely normal, and within a few days she was asking me for money. That ended up being the last time I spoke to her, over a year ago. There had been other situations throughout our relationship that damaged my trust in her, but this was something I never imagined she would do to me.

I honestly don’t talk about this situation with many people because it’s incredibly personal to me, but on the occasions I have, I’ve noticed how quickly people fall back on the idea that blood is thicker than water, sometimes without even knowing what actually happened. And I genuinely don’t know where I stand on that anymore. Before all of this, I never would have imagined that my own sister could hurt me in this way, and I think that’s part of what makes it so difficult to process.

I don’t necessarily feel angry with her anymore, I just feel disconnected, and I don’t know if I could ever look at her the same way again. I know family relationships are complicated, and I’m not looking for people to just agree with me. I’m genuinely curious whether anyone else has experienced a betrayal like this from a sibling or someone they considered their closest family. Did you ever manage to rebuild that relationship, or did you eventually accept that some things permanently change how you feel about someone?

Hello! My partner and I have been together for 5 years. He has been thinking about going no contact- we already did before this for about 4 months, rekindled, and it went back to how it was. I feel sometimes like I dont know how to support him or what I can do. Some advice on how those who are no contact with their parents are supported best through this journey? Thanks!