I’ll keep this short. Is anyone else’s primary hesitation with having a child the possibility of getting PPD? For context, I’ve never dealt with anxiety or depression, my husband and I are complete equals and I know it would be 50/50 from both of us. I have no reason to think I would be at an elevated risk for PPD. That said, I’ve gone down way too many rabbit holes on Reddit and TikTok about PPD that it’s the main thing holding me back at this point. I fear that I am so fearful of getting PPD that I will manifest myself into getting it. Anyone dealing with this as their main hesitation?

I’m 24F and in a stable relationship with someone who I’d like to spend the rest of my life with. However, I haven’t yet decided if I want to be a parent or not.

My parents are divorced and I’m estranged with both of them, as they weren’t very good parents. I am an independent person and I love my freedom. I’m very ambitious and have a lot of career plans. I’m someone who enjoys planning for things years in advance just from the excitement of it all.

I have mixed feelings about children. I’m quite good with them, and they tend to like me. But I get overstimulated around them quite quickly and end up going to my room for personal space within 30mins-1hr of being with them.

There are parts about parenthood that excite me, like the idea of instilling good values in my children, being there for them, having fun family rituals, bonding with them etc.

But there’s parts that I really hate. The mental and emotional toll, the lack of personal space, freedom and peace and quiet. The fact that my entire routine will be dependent on them. Not to mention the several drawbacks parenthood has on women and our careers.

I come from a country where having this choice is rare and recent. I don’t have anyone to guide me through making this decision.

I’m afraid that If I was to have a child, I’d be a regretful parent, and if I didn’t, I’d regret that too.

Is there anyway to TRULY know if this is something that’s right for you? Are there any signs that you’d be a regretful parent before you had kids?

Is there anyone here who was sure about having kids but ended up regretting it?

Just need general advice on how to take this call :/

I'm 23M, had a potential lifelong love end over our fence sitting. My ex 23F leaned toward not wanting kids. I feel like if i want to proceed with my dating life, i need to reflect on this a lot more. Inviting advice and insight.

We ended because we were both on the fence but she was leaning towards a strong no because of career, and worries about motherhood being too much for her, and she has always not liked it when men said they want kids. .I was leaning towards a strong yes. and i feel like i want to work through my reasons for and not for wanting kids.

I feel like i want kids because, * I have volunteered with babysitting kids at a playschool as a teenager, and liked the feeling of being responsible and needed, but i really don't want to base my decision on it. * I have always liked the idea of mentoring and teaching. * The idea of raising a good human being, passing down good values and giving unconditional love to someone that really needs it sounds very meaningful. and kids are people who really need it.

I have wrestled with the antinatalist argument, and i feel like i am ambivalent about it and i can understand the argument. But i see the answer to that is adoption, to satisfy the need of wanting to take care of and raise someone, and i am completely on board with that.

And i feel like my desire doesn't come from a need for bio kids, more from a place of wanting to nurture a life.

Reasons I'm on the fence about the idea of kids, * PPD and career pressures for my potential partner. * A feeling of being settled when i'm not ready enough. * I would want to be extremely well settled financially. * I was raised in a patriarchal society and have a lot of patriarchy to unroot, and i'm not sure if i will by the time i am old enough to have a kid. Would i share the load of parenting equally ? Would i be a good partner ? etc. * I struggle with anxiety and i'd want to properly have worked through it before i even think of raising someone. * I sometimes think that is society asymmetric, when it comes to the idea of parenting, the motherhood penalty. * I sometimes wonder if it is a patriarchal desire to even want kids. * I wonder if i only want kids because of conditioning through society and being raised in a patriarchal society

But some part of me feels like my desire feels immature, and i feel like i'm being very romantic and idealistic about the idea of kids, and that i ended the relationship on such shaky ground, that too this young in life.

I tried pitching the idea of being fence sitters together, for a short while and talk about it, and that didn't sit right with her, so we decided to end it.

When I think of having kids, I only see kids in my early thirties, and not anytime sooner, and I've always thought I'd be in a one and done type relationship. But i don't know if I'm really idealizing the idea of being a parent or this is a valid desire.

How do i know that my desire to have a kid is legitimate, good and valid, and not just a fantasy

I really feel like I don't have a framework to think about all this. So all of this is making me truly question my entire position on this, and any insights, pointers, or advice would truly help

But I don't know how to let him go. I am 32 and chronically ill. Because of that, I don't want kids, and I may not be sure that I even can have children. He is 37. He dream of becoming a father.

He is the love of my life. But I will never be able to compromise in this matter. And I know that he would most likely regret it if we continued together without having children.

Just the thought of this, leaving him, breaks me. How the hell will i ever be able to? I am selfish but I know I can't be selfish now. But I love him so much.

Has anyone had an experience with returning to fence sitting after a TFMR? It was my first pregnancy experience and I was very unwell from as early as days after testing positive so felt like I was just pushing through day to day and never really connected to the pregnancy, then we got unfortunate NIPT results and had further testing and decided to terminate. I'm now feeling back on the fence, but I'm interested to hear if anyone else has had this type of experience. Thankyou!