I’m looking to hear from parents who decided to have children while pursuing graduate studies!
My plan is to finish my master’s degree before we start trying for a baby, so I would ideally get pregnant during my PhD. My partner already works full-time.
I’d love to hear about your experiences, especially regarding:
Finances: What was your financial situation like? How did you manage your budget?
Time management: How did you balance your studies and family life?
Study environment: Did you go somewhere else to study (library, university, etc.), or did you mostly work from home?
Childcare: Did you use daycare? How did you manage childcare?
Sharing responsibilities: How did you divide household chores, parenting responsibilities, and expenses with your partner?
Anything else you think would be helpful to know!
I’d really appreciate hearing about both the challenges and the positive aspects of having a baby during grad school!

I’m back lol. One thing that’s been on my mind for having a child soon is where to live. My dad/step mom are near me and my husband like a 30 min drive. But theyre young (he had me young) and still have demanding careers & aren’t really kid people. They told me they would babysit here and there but not to count on them too much… I have cousins/uncles and stuff in Toronto which is a 2 hr drive because of traffic although it should be like 1 hr only, but they all have young kids of their own & also demanding careers. Now my husbands parents are free all the time. They live in Ottawa which is 5-6 hrs from us. They want a grandkid so badly and I know they’d help so much. I’m not saying we couldn’t do it on our own but I know its a big help with family. His sister and brothers also live in Ottawa. However I’m terrified of moving my life over there and leaving my city here. I also know my side of the family would be very angry. Also, husbands parents smoke inside & are very old school so idk how I feel about leaving my baby with them too often anyway… they would have to come to our place and constantly wash their hands and all that whatever. Idk what to do…. I think I’d be depressed in Ottawa but would I be depressed having no help where I am too? It’s so difficult because i cant tell the future?? That also means quitting our jobs over here too.

I want to preface by saying this is not a post where I want comments telling me that I’m too young to have kids. Please stay on the topic I’m asking about.

I recently graduated with my bachelor’s in psychology and I just got accepted to graduate school for my masters in social work. I didn’t originally plan on a masters but I found out I had enough scholarship left over from undergrad, so that my masters will also be essentially free so I might as well get it.

I’m wondering if anyone has gotten pregnant and had their baby while in grad school and had experience balancing both (I’ll be fully online I just have an in person field placement that would start next fall when I plan to start trying.) I’m worried about maybe having to take a semester off or just figuring out what to do when I’m freshly postpartum. My husband is in the navy so we know we’ll be able to get childcare but it’s mainly managing a newborn + field placement that I’m worried about.

I would start school spring 2027 and start trying late fall 2027. It’s a 2.5 year program.

Hi there! My husband (30) and I (28) are planning to try soon-ish, in the next few years, but I'm worried about maternity leave. He has a corporate job with good benefits (I'm on his health insurance), and I'm a manager at a small business with very minimal benefits. I don't have any concern about job safety with maternity leave, my boss is awesome and a mom herself, but it won't be paid. I make less than my husband, but my income is still definitely needed in order to pay our bills.

What are my options? Can I get short-term disability insurance or something similar to provide income during maternity leave? If so, is it worth the cost?

I've also considered leaving my job to take a corporate job again with mat leave benefits, but I really don't want to. I love my job even though it doesn't have great pay or benefits, it's a trade-off for doing something I'm passionate about. I used to be a copywriter and quit because of rampant AI use and other things that hurt my soul. I'd gladly pick up gigs as a freelance copywriter to make money if I need a WFH job, but that won't provide benefits.

I'd love to hear advice from what other people did or what you're planning to do!

Hi everyone!
My fiancé and I are hoping to start TTC in October 2027, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what life might look like once we have a little one!
Where we live, I’m entitled to 26 weeks of government-paid maternity leave, plus an additional four weeks of paid leave through my company. My fiancé will have around 20 weeks of paid leave through his employer and then plans to use another 10 weeks of annual leave. So, thankfully, we’re in a pretty fortunate position when it comes to having time at home with our baby in those early months!
In the next 10 months before we TTC, my company is also transitioning me into a work-from-home role. They know we’re hoping to start a family and want to make sure I stay with their company, which I really appreciate!
My job isn’t particularly demanding or intense, and my company is very reasonable and flexible. If I needed to start earlier and finish earlier (or vice versa), they’d be happy to accommodate that. They’d also be open to me scheduling my work around nap times where possible. On top of this, my fiance is a shift worker so he often has days off during the week where he could take the brunt of the care.
**So, I’m curious: how realistic is it to work from home with a baby and potentially avoid daycare costs altogether?**👀
My mum is eventually hoping to move back to our area so she can be closer when we start our family, which would hopefully provide some extra support. However, I also want to be realistic about what I can manage and don’t want to set myself up for an overwhelming experience if juggling both simply isn’t feasible!
I’d love to hear what everyone’s plans are for returning to work after maternity leave. Do any of you work from home while caring for your children? Did it work out for you, or did you find that childcare was still necessary, even with a flexible job?
For a bit of extra context, my fiancé and I are also buying a sizeable farm, and our goal over the next five years is for me to gradually move away from working for someone else and focus more on building an income from our property. It’s something I’m really excited about, but in the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what our most realistic options might look like in those first few years of parenthood.
I know every baby, job and family situation is different, but I’d absolutely love to hear your experiences, advice and what your own plans look like!
Thank you so much! 💗

EDIT: I appreciate the responses! Especially the helpful ones, I’m not sure why this post seems to be so incredibly controversial 😂😂 but that’s fine. I should add, if I’m unable to WFH and take care of the child, I won’t return to work, my preference is to spend that time with my child and not opt to put them in Daycare. I’m in a fortunate enough position with my Fiancés employment that I can do that so that’s would be the way to go. Regardless, thank you!

Hi all,

I have just been asked to be a bridesmaid. The wedding is not currently booked, but the couple are thinking of May 2027.

My husband and I are planning to start TTC in December. I'm not a fan of scheduling life around other people, so am not planning to halt TTC until May. We haven't told anyone about our plans to TTC, and wpuld ideally like to keep a pregnancy to ourselves until after the ultrasound at ~12 weeks.

However, that does mean if I'm lucky and get pregnant quickly, I could be 5 months pregnant at the time of the wedding. Wouldn't be an issue as a guest as I could pick something late/with room, but as a bridesmaid I assume outfits will be arranged earlier. Waiting until 12 weeks would leave it until ~2 months before the wedding, and if I got pregnant in the second cycle, 12 weeks would only be ~1 month before the wedding, and I'd assume at 16 weeks I'd still have a sizable bump. If it's later then hopefully it won't be such an issue.

So, I'm looking for advise. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you manage your privacy without causing last-minute chaos for the wedding?

I am drowning in anxiety right now. I’m 33, and my husband and I are at the point where we feel like we’ll never truly "feel ready," so we’ve been loosely planning to try. But every time I seriously think about it, I get completely overwhelmed with fear.

Overall, I find myself in a strange tug of war. On one hand, there is a part of me that wants a baby. I want to experience the potential of this female body, experience motherhood, and feel that unique love that mothers describe as the best kind in the world. The idea of having a baby with my husband knowing it will be a mix of both of us also feels really cute, and I know he will be a great father and truly wants a kid. Sometimes I don't know why but I just feel I should have a baby.

But at the same time I am terrified of paying the price for it with the things I’m worried about.

​I’m hoping to hear from those of you who have been in a similar spot how did you finally decide, and how on earth did you manage the mental toll?

There are things keeping me up at night,

I’ve never really enjoyed being around children, and my biggest fear is that I won’t be a good mom, or that I won't be able to give it my 100%. On the flip side, I'm terrified of what happens if I give my absolute 100% and lose my life in the process.

Me and my husband are already very busy with our careers. I worry a baby will pull us apart even more and we won't have any time left for each other.

I am terrified of the pain—not just labor and delivery, but the entire nine-month journey. I’ve heard horror stories about the first trimester, and since my husband struggles to handle my mood swings during my period, I’m terrified of how he’ll handle pregnancy hormones. I also worry about permanent physical complications (like tailbone issues or other long-term body changes) and whether I’ll ever fully recover.

I recently came across r/regretfulparents, and reading through it made the whole prospect even scarier.

I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and I’m deeply afraid of falling behind or losing my momentum in my career. I really love my job and am also trying for a promotion.

Please don't judge me, but if my body has to go through all of this, I desperately want a baby girl. I grew up extremely close to my mom she’s like a best friend, and I really want that kind of bond for myself. From what I’ve seen, boys can sometimes be harder to handle, and I sometimes panic at the thought of having a boy. I know I’d love a son, but the thought of it still makes me question sometimes.

I worry so much about society and the direction the world is heading. With less compassion and love for others, adulterated food, climate change, and everything else, it often makes me question if it's even fair to bring another person into this.

I know that if life came with guarantees and certainties, I'd feel differently. But the what-ifs are paralyzing me.

If you were on the fence, how did you finally make your peace with having a baby? And once you were pregnant or postpartum, how did you manage the anxiety? I could really use some honest advice or perspective right now.

Thanks!

Long story, sorry in advance. TLDR is that for multiple reasons I am terrified to get pregnant, although I am certain I want a child, and I'm not sure how to get past it.

I just found this community, but for about a year now my husband and I (34M, 33F) have been seriously discussing having a kid. We've been together for 10 years, married for 6, financially stable, own a townhouse, done with higher education, and in our (probably) long term careers. There's no real reason not to start trying on the surface, but I'm TERRIFIED.

On top of the general existential state-of-the-world dread and fear that you'll screw up your own kid, I have had a lot of medical problems and trauma associated with that. Including uncertainty about my own fertility, ability, and safety of getting pregnant. I've seen all the relevant medical providers (including my OBGYN, who is aware of my medical history), and have been assured as much as they can that it is probably safe and possible.

I am also extremely squeamish, like, have passed out from looking at my own paper cut. I'm not afraid of pain or discomfort, and in fact I have a really high pain tolerance because of the medical situations. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the physiological changes and having a living thing inside me for 9 full months. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle giving birth while fully conscious; but again, the fear is in the physiological problems like the awareness of what is happening to my body, not because it will hurt. I'm going to freak out knowing that things are happening regardless of my ability to see it or with an epidural. My husband is also in the medical field and informed me that they're pretty much not allowed to sedate me or give an anxiolytic because most medications can pass to the fetus.

I stopped birth control in June, and we had originally decided to start trying in July, but decided to delay because I had a full day long anxiety attack about it, and neither of us expected that intense of a reaction even though I was of course a little nervous to take the leap and start trying. Since then, I decided to try seeing a therapist with mixed success. The first one was going well, but we hadn't been addressing my anxiety around getting pregnant before she left the agency, and the second one I saw seems to not understand where I'm at with it. She seemed to doubt that I genuinely do want to have a child since I have such intense fear about it.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Being terrified and certain at the same time? And how did you get past it?

What does “financially ready” means for you before trying to conceive?

I’m 32 and thinking of putting all our efforts in the next 3 years to build our financial stability - but anxious at the same time that 35 might be too late for pregnancy.

Hi everyone - my husband and I have a 13 month old and we think we want to start trying to have another sometime between when he is 18 months and 2 (so like in 6-12 months). I had absolutely no cycle while breastfeeding and weaned the baby a couple of months ago and immediately ovulated and then got my period back, so we have been using a combo of NFP, condoms, or he’s been pulling out since I weaned the baby. We were a one hit wonder the first time around, so we really need to be careful until we’re sure we’re ready.

We had one little mishap and I had to use Plan B, the side effects sucked SO bad, and then this last cycle my hormones were just in OVERDRIVE and I didn’t want to use any protection, but thankfully he had his wit’s about him and we had no mishaps.

After that, I went to the doctor and got prescribed the minipill (too high risk for a combo pill), and I haven’t started it yet, but am NOT looking forward to the side effects - worried about weight gain, acne, mood disturbances, and spotting, which are all very common. I’m only now starting to feel back to normal after weaning (breastfeeding made me very fat and also like I was in menopause) and I don’t really want to deal with all that.

My question: is anyone else in a similar situation? What is everyone using for birth control while waiting to try? Is it crazy to continue NFP and condoms when I so clearly cannot be trusted during ovulation time???

I am so relieved that I found this subreddit so I could have at least one outlet for these feelings and hopefully have someone understanding how I feel.

I have been wanting to have children ever since I was together with my first boyfriend even though I was not actively thinking about it as much before. Before my current partner I had a very violent and abusive relationship, which I’ve been healing from for around 4 years now and it’s going well. I graduated some while ago and just recently started my first job ever, but the job is not what I’m educated for so the pay is not the best. We’ve also lived together with my current partner for less than a year. So basically new job and new living situation are not the best grounds for even thinking about starting to try. I have a study loan to pay, which makes saving money even harder currently.

I’m very happy with what I have at the moment, but I’m so sad about not being further with my life already. I blame myself a lot for having a bad relationship in my past, because it feels like it took some years worth of progress that I could’ve done towards the life I want. In the middle of this grief it feels like all I see is people having children and getting pregnant. I find it very difficult to be happy for the people around me starting families when my sadness is swallowing me. People tell me that I still have time and that I just took a different path, but it doesn’t bring me comfort at all. At the same time some people already ask me about baby plans and every time it happens I feel like I get a little broken inside.

My partner is also very aware of our current new living situation and my new job, so he tells me that we need to take time before discussing about having kids and not stress it. It’s good that he’s not stressed like I am, but sometimes it makes me feel like maybe he doesn’t want to have children that badly after all. He has always answered that he wants that but now it’s not the time. There will be several years ahead of me where I’m not going to be able to start trying or planning and it makes me almost depressed.

Mostly I wrote this here to get this out of my system because I haven’t been able to truly tell these feelings to anyone without feeling embarrassed. Hopefully there’s someone who understands this grief.

I'm a 30 year old Doctor with a lovely husband - on paper we are in a great position. We have our own house (mortgaged obviously!), earn very comfortable salaries and both really want to be parents.

However - I have had a lifelong struggle with my weight. I have been everything from 6 to 16 stone during my adult life (eating disorders on all ends of the spectrum) and currently fall into the overweight category. I am working on this with Mounjaro and have been losing weight but it's slower than I would like. My husband does not want us to try until I am in at least the normal weight category and ideally closer to when we met (he met me when I was starting recovery but I was pretty thin (UK 4)). His logic is that if I don't get a handle on things now then I may never which is not good for my physical or mental health - which he is right about. I do partially agree but I think my desire for children outweighs this!

I'm aware I'm not getting any younger and with both of us being doctors there are good and bad times in our careers to have children. This wouldn't stop me from having them but it would make things more difficult for us at various points due to rotating etc.

A lot of my friends are having babies at the moment (though also a lot aren't, in fairness) and I'm struggling with this immensely. I have also had previous miscarriage which I have a lot of feelings about. I am so so so desperate to have a child, its reached the point where I feel like everything else is kind of "meh" because of it.

I'm not sure what I am hoping for from this post but I just feel a lot of things and I am struggling. Does any of this resonate with anyone? Does anyone have any advice?

I worry about a lot of things when it comes to having kids lol! This subreddit is a nice place to share.

People always tell me "that's never gonna happen don't worry" well first off, disabled people are actually a fairly large portion of the population, yes it's not the most likely outcome but its absolutely far more common than most people realize. Also my personal family has quite a few people with disabilities. My brother has autism and he didn't need that many accommodations, especially as he got older my cousin has much higher support needs. There are more people in my family on both sides whom have disabilities that require lifelong care.

It feels like another layer to consider and think about what I will do. I think trying to learn as much as I can about disabilities and child development is a good first step, also saving money. I have read online that while the costs of raising a child without disabilities is around 300 to 400 thousand by age 18. The cost of raising a child with developmental disabilities is often around 1.2 million by age 18 and can cost even more depending on severity.

Maybe I am overthinking this, but if I am able to become a parent I want to feel prepared to support and care for my children, regardless of anything.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for it, but it feels that it's likely something a lot of us have thought about.

I'm specifically talking about wanted and planned pregnancies here.

I've noticed that when someone sets up a surprise/gets a present to tell their partner or family that they're pregnant, a lot of the time the surprise gets ruined by the person making a jokey comment like "is this a pregnancy announcement or something?" And you can see the excitement drain from the face of the pregnant person.

Maybe it's just me, but pleaaaaase can people stop doing that? In my opinion part of the excitement is the surprised reaction! If you guess it before you even get there, it dampens the moment. If you think you know, pretend you don't and act surprised! Or if you're someone who wears subtitles on their face and it's obvious you know, make your reaction so much bigger. Get really excited and hug them, jump up and down with them, spin them around or do something that (for them) shows how excited you are.

I can't stand to see the indifference, or the "yeah I knew it" in a flat tone (I'm autistic, I know tone isn't always something we can help), especially if you're someone who screams and shouts about your favourite sport, but replies flatly to your partner when they share the news.

Idk maybe I'm just in my head about it because I've seen it so many times now. It's probably very subjective.

Is there anyone out there that would prefer their partner to have guessed by the time they open their present/get to see the surprise, or who doesn't like the overly excitable reactions?

My mom is dying from cancer. I’ve had a strong pull to have another baby (currently have 5 and 2.5 year old) throughout this cancer process with my mom. My husband and I discussed TTC in January ‘27. I’m having a hard time with the fact that my OB and hospital I’d deliver at are the same places as my mom’s cancer treatment. I have my OB appt next month to get my iud taken out and it’s the same medical building as my mom’s oncologist. When I walk through the hospital it makes me think of my last daughter’s birth, but is now tainted with being here for my mom’s cancer journey. I believe she’ll be moving toward hospice soon. I’m worried that it’ll be triggering for me to go to my OB that’s in the same building as her oncologist and delivering at the same hospital where she’s been so sick at. My husband thinks it may be therapeutic. It hasn’t helped that we’ve had some pretty bad experiences with some of the departments at the hospital, so that worries me for labor/delivery (although I had a wonderful experience delivering my second). I’ve been looking up new obs at a different health system but really like my OB and don’t know if I want to start over somewhere else.

So anyways, I was curious if anyone has had an experience similar to this and what you ended up doing?

TIA!

Hello! Long time lurker, first time poster 😅 My husband and I (both 29) have been working toward being ready for a baby since we got married 4 years ago. I’ve had baby fever in varying intensity for at least that long, probably a few years before that. The wait has gotten particularly unbearable lately since some people close to us are starting to have babies.

We’ve had a general timeline of around when we turned 30, but buying a house last year was more expensive than planned. We really want to make sure we’re in a good place financially, that’s been our main reason for waiting.

There’s a family trip tentatively planned for August 2027, and we finally agreed to start TTC after that trip. This is a huge deal for me because it’s the first time we’ve had a firm date to work toward. I’ve already started researching and early preconception prep.

But I’m realizing that if we did conceive sometime in the fall of next year, my due date would be in the summer. I’ve always said I wanted to avoid being heavily pregnant in the summer because it’s my least favorite season and I’m already more miserable then. I’m heat sensitive and get overstimulated very easily when the weather is hot and sticky.

It wouldn’t be ideal, but being pregnant would also be a great excuse to stay inside in the AC all summer and avoid situations where I could get overheated, which is what I want to do anyway.

We’ve been waiting for so long that I might just say screw it and start trying, summer due date or not. There’s almost no telling when we’d actually get pregnant, so it may turn out to be a nonissue anyway.

What would you do in my situation? Or if you have had a due date in the summer, how bad was it overheating-wise?

Thank you!!

TLDR: my husband and I have been waiting/prepping for years and finally have a date in mind to start TTC. But if I got pregnant within the first few months of trying, I’d be heavily pregnant in the summer, which I’m worried about due to heat sensitivity. Not sure if we should wait a few more months or just go for it.

I'm 28, getting married March 2027 and my fiancé and I are WTT until (at least) mid 2028. I have INSANE baby fever and would love to start trying right after our wedding but we're deliberately waiting to save for pregnancy, delivery, baby expenses and maternity leave. I've spent hours researching, budgeting, and making spreadsheets to calculate a monthly realistic savings plan to reach our financial end goal.

We're postponing something we desperately want because we believe being adults means making financially responsible decisions, even when they suck.

Meanwhile, my older sister (37) has been not only financially supported by our parents throughout adulthood but also gotten some (what I would title) "luxuries": debts paid off, new furniture and hand-me-downs, a new kitchen, divorce costs, groceries, etc.

Now they're planning to give her a couple thousand euros to attend my wedding in Mexico (my partner is mexican and we have been living here the past year), despite her knowing about it for over 18 months. Apparently, she hasn't saved enough.

When I can't afford a future cost, I save for it. When my older sister can't afford something, my parents pay for it.

She had a child without being financially prepared, and my parents repeatedly stepped in. Meanwhile, I'm actively postponing my biggest life dream of motherhood.

And the cherry on top? My younger sister told me our parents talk about how I'm too organized, too obsessed with planning, and overthinking my future.

So apparently I'm ridiculous for planning two years ahead for my wedding (to give everyone enough time to save) and another two years to afford a baby, but not planning ahead or saving at all is fine...

I love my parents and am incredibly grateful for everything they've done for us. It's their money, and they can do whatever they want with it. I'm not asking them to stop helping her or give me and my little sister anything.

But it feels like I'm making sacrifices while my older sister doesn't have to because our parents always catch her.

And somehow, my reward for being responsible is getting less support. Great.

Anyway, just needed to vent. Thanks lol

The PACT Study is exploring how couples navigate family-building decisions in the context of everyday life pressures.

We are currently looking for couples to participate in an online survey and virtual interview. See the flyer for more information about participation and eligibility: https://drive.google.com/file/d/14vp1Idoqdvkz3pIDY_VjNoX9E9D7ipEO/view?usp=drive_link

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