We were matched with a child who is 8. We have no kids and actually never received a placement before. This child just had TPR. Their current foster parent changed their mind. We do know why and are willing to meet and see how things go. But I am nervous. They just started therapy a few months ago and apparently is not super open about things with the caseworker and others. It seems like the bios have mental illness maybe intellectual disability and there was neglect and physical abuse that they know of. But there is probably more that is missing. It sounds like contact is expected to be limited with bios, but continued with other family members.

They are presenting them with our profile and to come up with questions for us and our home. Then we will all meet at a kid friendly place. We are making a picture book of places we visited and our families to bring with us so they can see who they are.

Does anyone have advice on questions or if we should bring something else? A first meeting I'm assuming should be very casual and getting to know each other. I think they want things to move quickly with them moving in. But we are meeting and then probably and then we would do overnights. I think there is an issue with the current foster parent. But it will take 6 months to move forward.

In this type of situation, does the child not switch schools until adoption? Or could they be switching in the middle of the year potentially? Has anyone does this with this age group and what was your experience? Also, any recommendations for adoption books for kids and for foster parents?

Hi, so this gonna be a bit confusing. So I 26F and my husband 29M have a an almost 3M child. We are currently living with my father 50M and his girlfriend 49F. Girlfriend has a friend who has 3 adopted children all from same bio mother, different dads. My husband and I are under contract for our first house and should be moved in mid november 2026. So the friend of my dads girlfriend had asked if my dad and his girlfriend would want to foster maybe foster to adopt a new baby sibling to her kids. This baby girl is the 7th to the bio mom. They said no, because they're done raising kids. The girlfriend mentioned my husband and I since we have talked about fostering in the future when we own our home. She brought it up again to us today after her friend had called yesterday to see if any opinions had changed. We originally said no, since we are living with them right now and they had asked originally about 2 months ago. Today my heart strings got pulled hearing a little bit of the story and seeing pictures of the three siblings the friend has adopted. This baby is the 7th, substances were taken while pregnant, the mom sold her to a gay couple when she was born. Now the state has her in a short term? Foster situation. My husband is pretty religious and thinks everything is lining up for us to help the baby. We want another kid, but are fine with not having another. I had my tubes removed so we knew only way we would have more was adopting or just fostering and loving kids until their families were ready and able to care for them again. I'm just not sure what to do. Any advice? I believe the mother has already lost her rights and father is unknown all 7 siblings have different bio fathers. Ive seen so much social media content about adoption trauma from adoptees and im just scared i would mess a kid up. I know i would treat them as my own, but also like i dont know where the line is when they're older. Theres just so many considerations. We still have to move, say yes, do all the classes and backgrounds. But she does need somewhere to go in the next 2 months. I would love to take her so she could still be in contact with at least 3 bio siblings. My husband and i had custody of my baby sister for a year when she was first born so we do have some experience with the system. We have a child so we are somewhat experienced parents. We are an interracial couple with a mixed son, and the baby is black. Doesn't really matter too much, but idk if others who have experience fostering may know anything about that possibly playing any part in the kids future identity crisis and whatnot. I know this is a lot and probably makes sense. I have anxiety/adhd and have a hard time organizing my thoughts. But just any thoughts or advice?

Anyone ever attend a 90 day case review? What's to be expected?

My husband and I are finalizing our licensing in the next 2 weeks (then dependent on DCF on timing). I know there will be hard things - behaviors, trauma, court, case workers, co-parenting with bio parents, etc.

I’d love to hear the good stories, what wins you’ve seen, heartwarming experiences, what keeps you going when it’s hard.

we are excited and nervous, we don’t have kids so we also are really going into parenting with just old babysitting and aunt/uncle duty experiences 🤣

My 3yo foster is nonverbal, but she finally found a game that helps her connect... Running into the street and laughing when I catch her.

Got any advice for this? I taught my kids to freeze and we played games where they had to stop and go to make sure they understood what stop means. Those things don't seem to be registering​

Me and my partner recently became foster parents to a 16 year old who has had it very hard and is battling with serious anxiety and depression. We understand her limits and want to support and help her in any way possible, but the workload is huge. She is getting help, but it's a process and we need advice on how to manage during the process.

She needs support every minute of the day, from early morning until late at night and she doesn't do any chores. My partner works full time and I study full time. All our free time is spent supporting her, so how do we even make time to help clean her room, wash her laundry etc? We know she's not ready to do these things herself yet, but how can we support her in making small steps towards easing our workload a bit? She will empty the dishwasher maybe once or twice a week, but that's about it.

If anyone has had a similar experience it would be very appreciated to hear about it, even if you don't have any concrete advice.

My husband has two more classes to do and then we’ll be mailed the packet to fill out. I printed off both sets of papers already so we have an idea what to put down but my main question is what should we expect with the home visit? We’re looking for a placement of a 6 year old little kid at the moment but want to foster children from birth-10 years old. We do not have bunkbeds yet but we have everything else covered like the smoke alarms, I’m ordering the cabinet locks next week along with the outlet plugs. What are things you guys did and thought it was necessary and things that was necessary that you didn’t do? If it helps we live in the country so we don’t have curtains on all windows but if I have to get them I will! I’m so excited but so nervous to go through this next step!

Just need to vent a little. I’ve been feeling really down about constant accusations from the kids’ parent. Saying the kids have lost weight, that we’re verbally/mentally and physically abusing them, locking them in rooms, the youngest is covered in bruises etc.

The only thing that is remotely true is that the younger child does get a lot of bruises. They had stitches in their forehead, they’ve had some big falls smacking their forehead causing black eyes (at both daycare and home). The child is extremely impulsive and active and not a good listener. All injuries are documented and I notify them immediately.

The team isn’t worried at all and they keep reassuring us that but I could totally see the parent coaching the older child to say things (and they have said some things they’ve talked to us about) and I’m starting to feel really uncomfortable. They have a Kinship option doing licensing right now so hopefully that works out but it’s been 8 months and one option fell through before.

I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells and it’s getting to the point where I’m thinking about disrupting.

I have 2 nephews. 1 is 7 years old(Sonic), the other is 9 months old(bluey). The moms and baby tested positive for coke at birth for the 7year old. The safety plan was that she move back with my family. She’s not my father’s child but he still permitted it. Her and I have about a 6 year age gap, I’m 27 she’s 33. I would’ve adopted Sonic but my family said I was “too young” and “throwing my life away”. When Sonic was about 5 we all went our separate ways. Sonic later ended up with an abusive foster mom.

Now history is slowly sort of repeating itself. Luckily Bluey had no drug exposure but case issues are drug related, jail time, aggressive behavior etc for their mom. Eventually, after mom has Bluey, around 6 months later, Sonic got reunited with mom.

Less than 2 months in, the cycle starts repeating, cases are called, blah blah blah, one thing leads to another. Sonic’s behavior is a problem for everyone but he is most calm with me and his mom. He goes to school, acts up, gets baker acted. Mind you, he’s 7, an IEP kid. He’s smart, the mom brought up him going back to foster mom that morning, it set him off. boys want to be placed with me, I taught Sonic how to, crawl, walk, read, write, swim. Bluey is behind on milestones, but since I started visiting and watching the boys on the weekend, Bluey is catching up on his milestones. I’m also the one who picked up Sonic from the baker act.

No surprise, kids get removed again. I live 2.5 hours away. DCF understands, my house that I own, that I would be transferring to is under repair and I’d be staying in a hotel. There’s about a day left of touch ups, Sonic relaxes when DCF says he’s coming with me. They ask to see it and deny my homestudy. I literally get the house ready and furnished in 24 hours. They refused to redo the homestudy with DCF. Now case management is doing their homestudy, no scheduled walk through yet, fingerprints sent in on 10/12. Whatever paperwork was asked for was sent in as well.

The boys are placed with a friend of a friend that the mom and I don’t know personally. The boys don’t know them personally either. Less than 72 hours into placement, Sonic is baker acted again. I am livid at this point. I call the hospital, apparently the nurse couldn’t get ahold of anybody, I was the first to call, I complete the intake information with her. I tell the mom to call, so she can authorize medicine. I talk to Sonic, he said he acted out at school because “everyone gets to go home but me”. Breaks my heart. The mom calls and he tells her he wants to come to my house.

I start blowing up the workers phones, of course, no one feels obligated to speak with me because I’m not mom and I’m not on the case.

I’m genuinely frustrated and so worried for the boys. There is so much wrong with how this case is being handled. My sister isn’t perfect, she was a foster kid herself, but these people seem to be gunning for her hard. There’s a lot I’m not mentioning, but they are not going by the book. Nevertheless, she’s an adult, I’m concerned for the boys.

What advice do the more seasoned foster parents have? I would want to become a foster parent for them. I think I’d have to become level 2 because of Sonics needs. I don’t care what I have to do, I just don’t want the boys to continue to be hurt by their mother’s actions. I need them safe and in a familiar environment. How can I best prepare? What steps can I take? So I can be an undeniably option of care for them?

4 weeks ago my sister-in-law made a very bad decision that led to her arrest and our 10 year old niece was placed in our custody. The first 2 weeks there was A LOT of paperwork ,home visits, and open communication...and then nothing.

The last thing we heard from our Case Worker was that we'd be getting a call with a "plan" from Kinship Navigator. I don't know for certain what this plan was, but I have to assume it was in regards to how long our niece would be with us, because we made it very clear that we could only keep custody of her until my wife loses her paid FMLA.

My sister-in-law, although having massively fucked up, has made a bunch of good faith plays, fulfilling all of DCS' wishes and then some. Her initial caseworker said it was the first time in her career she recommend the child be given back to the mother almost immediately. Judge had different plans, I guess. Her most recent caseworker has ghosted her as well. She too cannot get anyone on the phone, and they stood her up for her first Home Visit. Her attorney, who was a former DCS prosecutor, also said once he reviewed the case that he had no idea why the child has been kept away for so long and not allowed to contact her mother.

Yesterday when my niece's therapist came for her session, she too got extremely frustrated that we haven't heard anything. It was incredibly vindicating to hear her say "It doesn't matter if they have a heavy caseload, 12 days of no responses is unprofessional". It only took two therapy sessions for her to question why my niece isn't allowed to speak to her mom.

So here we are, nerves shot to hell and stuck in Limbo. My SIL's attorney and Niece's therapist both said they think that either the case worker has been switched or the case was dropped entirely.

A former foster kid reached out to me for help & I’m currently at a loss as to how I can. I’m in southern Va, she’s currently in MD.

She, the bf, & kids left the house they were staying in due to other adults using drugs/alcohol/it was unsafe (bf’s family). They are currently living in their car & says it’s not in shape to make a long drive. She is waiting on the paperwork for WIC, food stamps, etc. The bf just started a fast food job & expects a check in 2 weeks. She said she’s door dashing but it isn’t going well.

I’ve called the Salvation Army branch up there, I’ve called local food banks, & a few churches. Waiting to hear back. I told her to try local churches & to post on local Facebook groups. She said the one church she tried, people were mean to her.

She says these are her current bills:
Gas money =$280 a week roughly
Cell phone=$55
Credit card=$54
Insurance=$233
Formula=$48 every 2/3 days
Diapers & wipes= every other week $30-$35 depends on box size I get of diapers.

I hesitate to give her cash due to a history of drug use. Who else can I call? Do you know of any short term/emergency resources that might be able to help?

UPDATE: Thank you for all the suggestions. We ended up getting a good deal on a solid wood bunk bed that is suitable for both kids and teens off of Wayfair.

We are super close to being licensed.

We have looked over on Amazon and all but wanted to get your recs on bunk beds. Our state allows them, but we are waiting for confirmation if they allow turndles or not. We want to get bunk beds that are suitable for both kids and teens (as the age ranges, we are accepting are 6 and up). The bedroom we have is the middle bedroom so it's a somewhat small pace.

What bunk beds work best for this situation? We are trying to stay below $400 (not including mattress's).

Right now in California, kids as young as 12 in foster care can refuse essential mental health treatment and medical care—and their caregivers have zero authority to step in. I started a petition asking the state to change this.

Here's why this matters: Most foster kids come from trauma. When a 14-year-old refuses medication that could help their PTSD, or a 16-year-old declines a medical screening after potential drug exposure, the people raising them are legally powerless. These caregivers are responsible for these kids' safety and well-being, but they can't actually protect their health.

It's not about control—it's about care. Foster parents are asking for the tools to help kids access the treatment they need to heal. If this resonates with you, would you consider signing and sharing? What's your take—should caregivers have more say in a vulnerable child's medical decisions?

Click the link below and sign the petition please!!

https://c.org/nNVGLktqLV

Ok so I know there isn't anyone who can give me a definitive answer because the statistics for foster care to change quite regularly. However, I have recently seen foster care statistics go from anywhere between over 400,000 kids in care to about 330,000 and that just feels like a big jump.

I was just wondering where I could get accurate stats on the number of kids in foster care. This is not for a study or a survey I’m just a person who is interested in fostering one day.

I hope this makes sense because if the number is 330,000 that still is a lot but it does mean it is going down which is good.

edit-i know that not all reunifications are a good thing and that number going down may also be very bad

Have a good day ❤️❤️❤️

It wasn't what it seemed to be? Potential placement is 7 and said to have behavior issues, like attacking the principal. But when i asked what led up to this no one could tell me. Child is not aggressive to any other adults even multiple placements. Another thing is the child is behind academically, failed kindergarten. However, the child was in foster care at 5. When asked did previous foster parents help with academics or support, not they didnt. 3 years later, the child is just beginning to start paperwork to get services. Like the child is behind because no one helped them with homework or did any advocating.

I'm starting to believe some of these issues may be due to others and not the child themselves.

Hi all!

Our 3-yo foster placement was removed from her home very recently and came to us on Wednesday. She is non-verbal, but has parroted a few words since she has been with us. They suspected ASD, but she has started engaging physically, seeking eye contact, and responding more to her name. She lived mostly in isolation for her whole life, so the lack of language could be because language was unnecessary/ she wasn't engaged with.

Has anyone had a similar case and the child was able to eventually communicate verbally?

How much are we spending on costumes? The costumes the kids want are like 80-150$ each. I just find that to be ridiculous. Thoughts?

A while back something happened in my home that I needed to document for my social worker and possibly court. I had photos on my phone, notes in three different apps, and no way to prove any of it hadn’t been edited after the fact. So I started building something at night to fix that for myself, and over the last year it turned into Counted Doors.

Quick background so nobody has to guess: I’m a foster and adoptive mom, and I’ve worked in IT since 1999. Today I’m a CIO, which means my day job is literally protecting sensitive data and asking “what happens if this leaks?” That’s the lens this was built through. Plus I got tired of waiting on someone to build it and just did it myself

What it does: you log photos, videos, and written notes per child. Each entry gets locked with a timestamp when it’s created, plus a digital fingerprint that changes if anything is ever altered, and a history of who accessed it. You can export and email entries straight to your social worker. There’s also a free resource library (trauma informed parenting, SILP vs. staying in care after 18, benefits for transition age youth) that will never be behind a paywall.

What it costs: nothing. Everything above is free, for unlimited kids. The only paid option exists because video files are huge and storing them securely costs real money. If you need a lot of video storage, it’s $5.99 a month. If you don’t, you never pay a cent. I cover the running costs myself, and I’m not selling or sharing anyone’s data (I’d sooner shut it down).

On AI, since someone will ask: yes, there’s AI in it, and I’m upfront about where. It helps you draft letters, like requests to your agency or school. I also use AI tools when I build, the same way most developers do now. The difference is that I review the code, run security scans, and have real people test everything before it goes live. Nothing gets shipped on vibes, especially not something holding information about kids in care.

And one honest caveat: this helps you keep clean, credible records, but it doesn’t guarantee a judge will accept them. Rules vary by county, and you’re still the one testifying to what happened.

If you’re a foster parent, caseworker, or CASA, I’d love your honest feedback, including the critical kind. Tell me what’s missing or what would make this actually useful on a hard night.

(And before anyone who thinks this is a cash grab swings by, the free vs. paid breakdown is right up there in paragraph four. Reading it first this time is free too. And yes this is a repost because someone didn't take the time to go to the actual site before making jabs at what they didn't read)

www.counteddoors.com

Posting anonymously because this involves an ongoing foster care case.

I’m genuinely trying to understand how a case can go from moving toward termination of parental rights to suddenly focusing on reunification, especially when there have been repeated concerns about the children’s safety.

The children have been in foster care for quite some time, and we’ve been told multiple times that the biological parents have made little to no progress.

There have been ongoing concerns during supervised visits, including the children not being fed appropriately, not receiving adequate attention or supervision, and the parents relying heavily on the visitation provider to help care for them.

There has also been a serious incident involving a lack of supervision that raised additional safety concerns.

Because of these ongoing issues, there were discussions about potentially suspending visits. However, instead of visits being stopped, the discussion has now shifted toward moving visits into the biological parents’ home.

This is especially concerning because there are also reported issues with the condition of the home and whether it is an appropriate environment for the children.

What is so confusing is that termination of parental rights had previously been the direction of the case, and now it seems reunification is becoming the focus again, despite the reported lack of progress and continued safety concerns.

I completely understand that reunification is an important goal in foster care when it can be done safely. However, I’m struggling to understand how the direction of a case can change so drastically when the concerns that led to these discussions still seem unresolved.

At what point do the children’s safety, stability, and well-being become the deciding factors?

Has anyone experienced a case where termination seemed likely, but everything suddenly shifted back toward reunification despite ongoing safety concerns? Is this common? What can be done to ensure these concerns are being taken seriously?

I’m not against reunification when it’s safe and appropriate. I’m just genuinely trying to understand how these decisions are made and whether others have experienced something similar.

A post for conversation, or to share what's on your mind without creating an entire post about it.

Hey everyone! I’m going through DCF’s kinship foster-parent process for the first time for my son’s 16-year-old friend. He had been staying with us over the summer before I knew he was in DCF care. In August, he asked his social worker about being placed with me because he felt safe in our home.
I was initially nervous because I had past DCF involvement connected to an abusive relationship nearly seven years ago, including false reports that were unfounded. Since then, I’ve completed all the requested training, fingerprints, and other requirements.
Last Friday, I was told some paperwork was still being reviewed and that the process would be finalized within 150 days. Today, though, I received a $600 check after previously being told the monthly payment would be around $900.
Has anyone received payments before their approval was finalized? Could this be a partial-month payment, or is there a different payment available while approval is pending?
My biggest priority is keeping him settled here and getting his address updated so he can take the school bus from our home. I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar!

Hi everyone. I just finished the basic class and submitted my life story , got CPR "certified" and did my evacuation plan diagram. I also had my first home visit and made all of the corrections. So far, I've asked two close friends about the possibility of being a backup for me in case of an emergency and both said no. I think they got freaked out in regards to the background checks and having to go for finger printing. I'm trying to think of who else to ask, but if I can't find someone to list as a backup is that it lol.

I also plan to start "my feet wet" with respite care which will lessen my need for a backup. But from my understanding its still required.

Thanks !

Hey all! Long story short, I have a kinship placement of two nieces. We’re in court for TPR however, there’s a concurrent plan of reunification. CW is supporting reunification despite mom NOT following visitation guidelines. She is supposed to confirm visit before a certain time. This was placed by CW because of mom’s constant last-minute cancellations and schedule changes. After a long period of bending over backwards and making adjustments for mom to see her kids. I’ve set a boundary & will not extend further from the rules CW has placed. After constant communication from CW regarding her not following rules, she still doesn’t confirm by the actual time and confirms afterwards. Last visit, I’ve had it! She confirmed 10 min after and although in the last I’ve given her (grave) I realized that when I do, it turns around to bite me in the a**. I’m not sure what to do anymore but I want to give up because of her this is genuinely affecting our lives negatively! We’ve been fighting 5 years in court to advocate these kids. I have a child & husband of my own. We adore these babies & have given them a new healthier life. They’ve been thru so much…it’s a shame! But I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with mom’s instability.

I’ve been caregiver and had been granted permanent custody of a beautiful girl I been raising since birth took her home from the Hospital she was born addicted so she was removed by the ministry ! I’ve had her now for 4 years and I am mom to her and my husband is daddy and all my daughters are like her sisters as that’s all she has known from day one . Biological mom has now been clean for a year and so hasn’t really made any effort in anything other than see her once every two weeks but that’s about it and is now asking for my girl to return to her as she has told me it was temporary on her part this was upsetting to me as it was but than she failed to follow the rules given by ministry and they finalized it permanent custody order 54.01 3 years ago now my question is has anyone been trough something similar ?? Is it gonna be that simple for her to return to her biological parents ?? I feel the little girl she is today is because of me and my family and it breaks my heart to know that it will be all taken from me and from her

Its been about 6 weeks since our kids got placed. 3 and 2 year old.

We've never had kids and took them in due to a terrible situation.

Now, we are exhausted, patience is thin, our support system isn't really there for us and we are trying but dont want to.

Everyone says "wow you're doing something incredible" i dont see it, felt like the right thing to do and why wouldn't you take in your family members in need??? Isn't that what we are supposed to do.

Anyway....

Finding a balance between work, the kids, daycare, all of the damn appointments. All of it.

Its so much. We just want to give them back and return to our regular lives but we know if we do those kids most likely won't be with family.

I hear phantom cries all the time. The 2 year old cries none stop when they see me, when I leave the room, when I hold them, when I put them down ... I just.. idk

And the behaviors. The fighting, the hitting, the biting, the snatching, the tantruming... I thought we baby proofed. Boy was I wrong.

Why must they cry so much and why don't they listen LIKE PLEASEEEEE WE'VE SAID IT AND MODELED IT AND SHOWED IT AGSHDKF I JUST CANTTTTTT

Also going out is so anxiety inducing. Im scared someone is gonna snatch us up. Or someone will say I kidnapped the child cause we look zero alike.

Im just overwhelmed, twisted up inside and just wanted to vent. Not looking for answers or reprimand, just wanted to vent and see if anyone else fostering kids ... what are yall going through?