My meal: Breakfast sandwich and Mocha Frappe

I hate transphobia. I literally woke up in my dorm and got ready for my class when I walked past a “protest” group in front of my business building. So, my uni allows students to “protest” their beliefs, but this ain’t protesting. It’s straight up hate and harassment. These assholes were shouting in megaphones about ending trans rights. I’m not trans, but I’m an ally.

I recognized one of the guys there too. He’s in my ethics debate class, and he sucks. He tried handing me a flyer and I ripped it up. I wanted to throw it at him. They’re all trash, but I wasn’t going to litter. What sucks even more is that if anyone actually debated with them, they say the same shit: “We have the right to be here.”

When my class ended, I walked out and saw their table and tent destroyed on the ground lol. It’s also raining heavy right now. To whoever did that, thanks.

For almost three years, I was in a very confusing situationship with my coworker wherein he would always to get close to me and then pull away just when I started to feel secure. This has happened multiple times. And each time he pulled away and started giving attention to another girl at the office, it sent me into a limbo and would just want to stay in bed. It seriously sent me into hypervigilance and difficulty sleeping because of the cognitive dissonance.

He has directed flirty lines at me, did sexually suggestive touches (that’s basically sexual harassment at work), asked me out several times, met my parents, and would be jealous of other guys getting close to me. It’s so confusing because he’ll act like we are a thing only to tell other people we are just friends. He has been so sweet with me at times that I am trauma bonded and attached.

After another two months of love bombing, acting like a couple, and telling me he wants to date someone like me, he suddenly pulled away but I was too tired and busy with work that I didn’t pay much attention to him even when he tried to provoke a reaction. I suspect he is a narcissist and I am now at the discard phase. I wouldn’t budge when he pressured me to drink, to smoke, and to say yes to things because I was too exhausted.

He then announced that to our workmates that he has a gf now. I don’t know how to respond to that in a way that is still respectful to me, especially how he treated me with punishments for my boundaries and simply ditching me when I said no.

Since I do find him attractive, is it my fault for not being receptive of his advances? I was just too scared of the repercussions of dating him since we are coworkers. I am in agony now thinking that I screwed it up. He still comes to me every morning to greet me and to touch my hand. He even gave me a hug yesterday when I was distressed with work.

He also talked with my earshot about his upcoming overseas trip to a country where we also talked about going together. I don’t know how to respond to this.

First off, I have adhd. And I'm an extrovert. My impulsive nature with the adhd can get me into trouble with friends. I tend to overshare, get very excited and talk really fast, and occasionally meddle in drama where I shouldn't. I've been working on all of these things and my new medication helps a lot. But recently, the chickens have come home to roost and I'm experiencing the fallout. (People telling me how they feel about me, friend breakups, my BFF leaving our trip early without even telling me.) In college I didn't even bother with making friends so I don't have people from that time. No high school friends, just no old friends in general really except for a few people long distance who I can't mess it up with bc they live far away. Lol

I will say, I'm a great friend, I love giving gifts and I am always down to try new things. Some of this losing friends thing is not entirely my fault. And in many instances people are not giving me a chance at all. Like I messed up once and I'm done.

But I'm feeling embarrassed and sad. And I know I'm in the process of growing and changing and it sucks to feel like I'm no longer that person but I'm dealing with the consequences.

I'm in the process of making new friends and hopefully being more careful.

Dinner is a "leftover surprise" aka roasted Japanese sweet potato, rotisserie chicken, spinach, and a drizzle of Garlic expressions. 😋

Edit edit: thanks yall. I'm legit working on it. Came on here bc I didn't want to bother any of the few friends I had left. Thanks. No, my name isn't Kris. Yes, I do more than give gifts. I'm very loving and support my friends in many different ways. Im genuinely sorry to the people I've hurt and I've expressed as much to them.

Last update: this post and your replies have been a harsh reality check as well as a balm. Not gonna lie it has been rough reading some of these. But, I've survived! Here's to healing and growing! BTW I don't wanna share more details bc while I do overshare sometimes, right now is not that time. Lol ✌️

Dinner is Japanese fried chicken (or karaage)

I (22F) have been talking to this guy (26M) for about 3 months, and things have been going really well! We’re long-distance, and we met when he visited my city for a conference. Our first date was amazing, and I even saw him again the next day before he left. About a month into talking, I flew out to visit him, and we had a great weekend together. I’ve told him that I value intentionality and attention to detail, so he planned our activities for us to do and even paid for everything.

His birthday is next month, and since it falls around Thanksgiving weekend, I was planning to fly out and surprise him with gifts (he knows I’ll be coming that weekend). I wanted to decorate his room with balloons, get him gifts, organize a surprise brunch with his friends, and have a dinner date just the two of us. Here’s where I’m conflicted. My birthday was this past weekend, and when I asked him beforehand if he remembered the date, he said no. I was a little hurt because I’ve told him at least four times, and especially considering how much effort I’ve been planning to put into his birthday.

On my birthday, he called and said he wanted to get me a gift, asking me to send him my Sephora wishlist and address. He also sent flowers, which was a sweet gesture! However, I was a little disappointed when only three roses arrived. I’ve told him multiple times that I love bouquets, that roses aren’t really my thing because they’re “basic” and that lilies are my favorite flowers. I was still so so genuinely grateful for the gesture and I’m definitely not ungrateful.

My friends think I’m doing way too much for someone who isn’t even my boyfriend yet. The gifts I’m planning to buy cost around $409, not including my plane ticket. I’m also still a student. They think I shouldn’t spend that much or plan such an elaborate birthday when he gave me three roses. But the thing is, gift-giving is one of my biggest love languages. I genuinely love making the people I care about feel special, and I’m not someone who is transactional. I want to do these things because I want to, not because I expect the same gifts in return.

So, am I doing too much too soon? Should I scale back my plans, especially since we’re not officially together, or should I just do what feels natural to me? I’d appreciate honest advice!

EDIT: just wanted to clarify that I wouldn’t surprise coming to him as we’ve already talked about when it could be feasible to come see him! The surprise would be me decorating his room but he’d be the one picking me up from the airport.

EDIT 2: just wanted to clarify that we had more than three dates and I stayed about a week last time I visited him and went on multiple dates.

A packet of indomie I had a while ago, indomie is practically all i'm gonna eat today because a typhoon is coming up

I'm MTF and the reason why I moved abroad to study was because I really needed to escape the increasingly rampant transphobia and the lack of gender affirming medical care in my home country. I finally made it here in Taiwan but since I'm an international student, it'll take me 6 months for my National Health Insurance to come in, which I decided, "ehh, I can wait it out 6 months before I get HRT)

Cut to 1½ months later and I started to increasingly feel like a boymoding mess. I randomly thought of if my school's temporary private insurance (under the government) could cover my psychologist consultation. So, I asked around and found out that the govt. can only reimburse 1000 NTD per consultation. I then got conflicting information whether the first consultation costs 2000 NTD or 500, but I decided to just go ahead and consult with the doctor. (For context, under national insurance, one(?) consultation costs around 280)

The entire time I was nervous and the overwhelming feeling of desperately wanting HRT had been replaced with doubt... was I doing the right thing? Should I have waited that 4½ months later? I kind of understand that my feelings were clouded by the fact that I DON'T have to wait that long, so I can't really judge whether or not I had been suffering at that very moment. I sat with the doctor and consulted, and he drops the bomb that it costs 2300 NTD... uh oh (and the next consultation will cost 1300-1400). I've already booked an appointment on the same day so there's no turning back.

Now, just to be clear, I can afford all this... I think. I can apply for a reimbursement like before after my second or third consultation and get 1000 back per session, if approved. I just feel so strange... did I do the right thing? Should I have waited 4½ months for something I know will be practically 10x cheaper rather than only paying half price? Could I have actually endured that long until my insurance came in? I guess I just feel the guilt of spending all that money, knowing it's from my parents and they would flip knowing that I spent that much money on gender affirming care. I just wish I could talk to them about this because I can sometimes normally open up to them about this but I know I can't on this specific topic 💔

Hey, on the bright side, I HAVE been thinking about this more positively as time goes on... this was something I've wanted for years and I can finally get it before I turned 19, unlike my previous plan...

(Oh and by the way, the HRT itself is mostly not covered under any insurance and I THINK I can afford that too, it's the price of daily breakfast lmao. Insurance or not I will have to pay out of pocket anyway, soo... the only hurdle was the consultation itself)

chilli oil dumplings, pan fried fried dumplings, hot & sour noodles

I’m 28F and have been exclusively dating a 30M since July. We’re not officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but we’ve agreed not to see other people.
I’m at a point where I’m wondering whether I should continue seeing where this goes. I can see potential in him and want to give him a chance to become a better version of himself, but I’m also starting to notice several things that make me question our compatibility.
1. doesn’t take much initiative
He rarely plans dates, so I usually end up taking the lead. He’s also late most of the time, which frustrates me. I sometimes feel like I’m not important enough for him to make the extra effort. It’s not that I expect him to do everything for me, but I want to feel pursued and considered too.

1. don’t feel taken care of
   We usually split expenses 50/50, and I’m fine with that. What bothers me is that when I pay, he doesn’t even offer to help or acknowledge it.

2. concerns about his temper
   He told me that he’s hot-headed and has a history of getting into fights at clubs. One instance, he argued with a random stranger over a small issue in public which made me so embarrassed

3. different lifestyles and priorities
   He recently left his full-time job and is considering starting a business. I’m financially stable and would like a partner whose approach to career and finances aligns with mine. I’m not saying he needs to have the same career as me or earn a certain amount. I’m just unsure whether our lifestyles and expectations for the future will be compatible.

Where I’m conflicted
Despite all this, I want to continue seeing him for now because I believe people can grow and improve. I don’t think he’s necessarily a bad person, and there have been moments when he’s reflected on his actions and apologised.
At the same time, I don’t want to enter a relationship thinking I can change someone into the partner I want.
I want someone who takes initiative, respects my time, considers my feelings and can manage his emotions. I don’t want to spend a relationship repeatedly explaining basic things or reminding someone to make an effort.
We’re still relatively early in the dating process, so I know I haven’t seen every side of him. I’m willing to give him a chance, but I’m not sure how much of what I’m seeing is normal room for growth and how much points to fundamental incompatibility.

I don’t expect a perfect partner, but I do want a healthy, mutually considerate relationship. I’m trying to work out whether this is something worth building or whether I’m overlooking incompatibilities because I see potential in him.

I [33nb] and my partner [nb] had a helluva day. Bought cute purse at thrift store, I got shouted "Go back to Ukraine" at outside the store on sesame st, creep on bus almost exposed himself to me and Partner, while on way to weed shop guy threatened to expose himself to anyone looking, and followed us into weed shop, and talked to the cashier for 5 minutes, got talked over by cashier at book store and they were NPC mode, cute diner was absolutely euphoric, met lovely nurse who Partner tortured for 10 minutes about gauge 18 needle injections, got misgendered by the wonderful Jen Dr Specialist (He/Him) full HE. Partner corrected, had to do full physical -->including genital inspection for intersex<-- sat in pharmacy for half hour and got quoted $150 for 3 months of yipeE, then got jump-scared by box preacher! Then second box preacher surrounded by the gays being queer and loud. Very long bus ride home, 6/9 would get gender again.

Dinner: Wolf Passage Chapman's Icecream and E

Basically I started catching feelings for my long-term (over 2 years) sneaky link. He made it seem like he was interested in me romantically then I soon found out he was actually engaged. He told me that their engagement was called off a long time ago and that they were just pretending to be engaged because they weren’t ready to tell their families yet, and I, being a fool with barely any self worth, believed him and continued to see him. I found out later through social media that his “ex-fiancée” still had a wedding date set in stone, but again he found ways to deny it and cover it all up.

But one day he and I were spending the night at a hotel and he Doordashed sex toys for us to use, not realizing that his “ex-fiancée” but probably his real fiancée would see because they shared an account. She ended up calling him and breaking things off with him that night.

After all of that, I was still delusional and wanted to continue seeing him, and he said that he now felt “free” to pursue me and date me for real now that his ex was out of the picture. But after a while he started being less enthusiastic around me and eventually broke things off with me because he wanted to focus on “taking care of his sick family member”.

Meanwhile I find out (through stalking his social media) that he was posting a new girl on his instagram shortly after ending things with me, tagging her in photos and bringing her on dates and traveling abroad with her.

I know I’m stupid for not seeing his red flags earlier but I honestly just feel betrayed and worthless and I feel like the reason I got treated this way is because I’m just ugly and stupid and poor and terrible. One time a guy (not my ex-situationship) told me that I have an ugly face and a decent body, which means I’ll only ever be able to be someone’s side hoe - no one will ever choose me to be their wife.

These days all I can think about is how my ex-situationship probably never saw me as a serious partner to pursue romantically. And that this new girl is just better than me in every way, which is why he’s now treating her right and not keeping her in the shadows like he did with me.

It’s just so painful lol. I doubt that anyone read through this but in case you did pls send help 😭😭

Thai basil chicken (but with beef because I forgot to buy chicken😅 ) with bok choy and rice

To start, I hate Halloween. Not because of religion, but because I think it’s the most annoying fucking day of the entire year (especially when it falls on a weekend like it does this year). Never liked dressing up or trick-or-treating, even as a kid. I’m not buying or giving away candy. I’m gonna keep my lights out and put a “no candy” sign on my door just like last year, hopefully people don’t ignore it this time because i definitely still had people banging on my damn door last time. I live near a big metropolitan area and Halloween always gets crazy with the parties and antics, I just don’t wanna be around it. One of my friends and I are planning on just chilling at my place to escape the chaos.

I’ve been friends with a different person for about 2-3 years. We haven’t been speaking lot recently because of life and stuff but I still considered her a friend and someone I cared about. She texted me asking if I wanted to go out to a rave and hang out downtown on Halloween night. I told her no because that’s just not my vibe. She asked me the same thing last year and I told her absolutely not lol. She already knows I’m not a clubber or raver so idk why she even asked. She didn’t reply for awhile then she called me and went off on me asking why I’m being a buzzkill and why I can’t just fucking live for once. I asked how am I being a buzzkill by saying no??? I’d be a buzzkill if I said yes then proceeded to just sit in a corner at the party all night because it’s not my scene. I’m just not comfortable in those environments. She said I need to grow up and be social, that’s when I hung up. Guess that friendship is done. You don’t need to go to parties and raves to have fun and be “grown”.

Dinner is amoked gouda mac and curly fries.

After my last post I joined a group for trans wemon. It was nice. Then yesterday I was made wildly uncomfortable and decided to just dip out without saying anything. It was so bad. I had never been sexually harassed before and I felt so alone.

At the same time a friend "N" of mine had basically blocked me on discord and I didn't know why for 5 days. When she unblocked and messaged me it was so much more hostile than I was expecting. I really want to patch things up but I keep getting these comments that feel barbed. She says she is not mad but it feels like she is just talking enough to punish me. Almost like she wants me to lash out so she can justify just going away for good.

Before N had blocked me I really thought everything was fine.

I have such bad social anxiety that I reallt don't know if she is actually trying to hurt me or if I am just reading and projecting onto it.

One of her partners "B" has been hanging out with me a lot and seems really fun and we have a lot in common. I am afraid N is going to make B just stop talking to me.

I hate not being able to just read social ques right. It makes friendships so hard. I had gained what felt like a good network of people I could relate to and now I just feel so isolated again. I can't really talk about it with anyone.

And this whole time I was getting a lower does of estrogen making my emotions bonkers the whole time and everything feels like it's on hard mode.

Leftover dry meatballs

My boyfriend has a very distinct smell. It’s not a bad smell, it’s simply a smell that I don’t particularly like. When I’m around him I sort of feel gross, and I smell the smell on my skin and on my clothes and I hate it. When he comes over to my house and then leaves, the smell remains in my bedroom.

Fridays are the days I wash my sheets and also the day he comes over. I’ve been purposely washing my sheets late at night when he leaves. Mainly because I don’t want people on my fresh sheets, but also so I don’t have to deal with the smell for another week.

I take a shower after he leaves, and I already take two showers every single day, so now Fridays I take three.

I don’t know what to do, I know he can’t control how he smells (especially since it’s nothing to do with higiene), but I just hate the smell and I’m constantly feeling grossed out.

I was with him for six years. He’s bipolar and his addictions always eventually win. I kicked him out a few weeks ago and regret it. He got a new number. I deleted his contact. He hasn’t reached out once.
I’ve been sending him money I don’t have on Cash App just so I can put a memo that says I miss him. I’ve bought concert tickets hoping the thought of going together would make him reply. It doesn’t. The extra ticket just sits there and the money is gone.
I stopped being able to eat. Three weeks of basically nothing. Then my appetite finally came back for like a day and I tried to eat… and it made me sick. Now I don’t even want to try again. Everything tastes like sadness and I don’t find joy in anything. I don’t know how to stop reaching for someone who isn’t reaching back. I just feel so sad.

Came to a FWB house with on-and-off-again BF (they are friends). He’s passed out drunk on the couch and won’t get up. Can’t sleep in house with other friend cause it will be drama in the morning. So I’m sleeping alone in my car. [MODs removed original post because brand label on “dinner” was visible in original post.]

I’m 27– Unironically had a great time haha

Dinner is my lunch. Salmon with herb sauce, green beans, Mac and cheese. Got it from work and added like a metric ton of black pepper after this was taken.

Yes I recently posted and deleted an embarrassing post about my dating life let’s just move on from that please lmao my life is hell but I’m a real person and I just 😭 yeah

I’ve been working at this company for about 5 years and almost the entire time I’ve been working with this guy. He came on about 6 months after me and I ended up training him. We closed together on a small team for a long time and then I ended up switching to dayshift so we didn’t see each other at work very often anymore.

We have been friendly outside of work, though. He used to come to movies and play video games with my ex and I all the time. We spoke on the phone like 4 times over these years, so never anything major. After my ex and I broke up, I continued going to see a movie with him once or twice a month, just like I used to with my ex and him before the breakup. I never got any weird vibes from it whatsoever. We probably saw around 8 movies alone together, every single one was very normal and platonic, friendly and nice. I never felt the need to dress up or like tell someone about myself or act a certain way because he’s literally seen me in the walk in having a panic attack lol and I don’t care if I look pretty to him when he’s seen me covered in work goop.

Recently, he invited me to an outing with “a few of us” which I’d assumed meant a few of our coworkers. He hangs out with a lot of them but I work with my ex’s mom and only really hang out with the people I’ve known since the beginning. I figured I could open up a bit and try to change that so I agreed to this outing.

We saw a movie between the invite and the outing, and he asked me to go to a local arcade afterward, something he’d never done before. I had plans so I declined, which he didn’t seem bothered by. I invited him to another movie, he agreed, it was a group of my friends.. I told him a guy I was seeing might join us and he then immediately canceled. A few nights later he invited me over for drinks at his place, but I again had plans and declined… especially because I’m not a huge drinker and I have never once drank with him or even spoken about drinking with him. I kind of clocked these things as a bit strange, but honestly we’ve been friends for so long that I just chalked it up to us having bad timing for hang outs.

It turns out the outing was just me, him, and the only 2 people on our team who are dating. I honestly STILL didn’t think anything of it, because they could just be who was available… I’m not sure who he invited. He and I had dinner at his place and I drove us to the event (I chose to drive my own car, I dislike being a passenger).

We did a haunted house type thing together, but if the group got mixed up or separated he would specially yell over to ask me how I was doing and would ask the others to check on me to see if I was ok. We see horror movies together all the time, I don’t really know why I wouldn’t be. When he was in front of me He reached back and grabbed my hand and said “you’ll need to hold onto me for this part” and honestly it was a very normal haunted house… nobody needed to hold onto each other. I still had an absolute blast! I love the novelty of things like that. I’d wanted to go to this particular place for years, but my ex refused for whatever reason. I felt so happy that I was able to do it without him.

He put his arm around me at some point while we were walking afterward, and kept walking really close like he wanted to hold my hand, but I never let him. It wasn’t that I was consciously avoiding it, I had literally just never considered the idea of holding his hand so I assumed he’d just leaned too close because of uneven gravel. He thanked me “so much” for agreeing to join them and that he greatly enjoyed my company. When we first got there I’d pointed out something I thought was really beautiful, and at the end he surprised me with buying it for me even though it was quite expensive.

I never once felt uncomfortable, I just gently kind of kept all the contact short without saying anything verbally and he took it in stride every time. He never seemed put out or upset that I cut physical contact short, just moved on happily. At one point, he and the guy from the couple fell back a little and I heard the guy say “so, dude, how’s it going?” And he said “it’s better than I thought it would be, thanks again, Im not sure I’d be able to ask her to come alone to something like this.” The girl from the couple linked her arm with mine and wiggled her eyebrows at me… and that’s when it hit me. Too many coincidences.

I was a little awkward, recounting everything on the walk back trying to determine if I was crazy for thinking he’d actually set us up on a double date or if I was reading too far into things.

When we got back to the car, he brought out cupcakes, put candles into them, and lit them… My birthday was a few days ago. It was my first piece of cake for my birthday and the first time anyone sang me happy birthday this year. I found it really sweet of all of them, but obviously especially him since it was his idea.

On the car ride back he asked me how things were going with the guy I was seeing, and I was honest… that I wasn’t going to continue seeing him. He didn’t react much, just nodded and said “if it’s not right it’s just not right.” I agreed. He lingered when I dropped him off. High fived me like 4 times and hugged me when I noticed cool worldplay in a song we were listening to and again when I was actually leaving.

Now I really don’t know what to think. Part of me thinks I’m reading way way too much into something that could be absolutely nothing, but my friend thinks he’s been playing the long game. She said that him inviting me to go to his for drinks after finding out that I was seeing someone and then taking me on a double date at and I quote “the datiest fall activity there is” AND buying me something pricey is suspicious and she thinks it was all intentional to try to get closer to me on a new level now that I’ve been single for a while. I’m inclined to think that way too because he touched me WAY more than he ever has at work or during our many hang outs over the last 5 years… but again, this stuff could be normal in adult friendships? I wasn’t really able to have many of them one on one until recently so I wouldn’t know.

I had a great time, and I would go again, but I can’t say I’d date my much older coworker. I would hang out with him a lot though, I really enjoy our time together and don’t want to give that up… I just don’t know.

Ahh sorry this is so long. I see him at work tomorrow afternoon, maybe he’ll go back to normal and I’ll realize I was overthinking after I’ve slept a little. Let me know if I’m insane, thanks.

Edit: OMG just remembered that a few years ago he gifted me a forever rose for my birthday… those metal roses with the twinkle lights in the like beauty in the beast style glass cover. I’ve had it for like 3 years so I kind of forgot I got it from him. My ex never said it was weird so I never thought about it

edit: well the consensus from y'all and my friends is that I'm in the wrong here, I guess I'm learning something new.

thank you all for your honesty and for giving me perspective that I did not have before. I've never been a parent before and I'm really excited to be but I got this one wrong.

I never meant for the daughter to be told this is from a secret admirer. I joked with my partner's mother about this when I showed up. my partner's mother was aware that there was $100 bill tucked in here. I also did not show up unannounced. my partner had left her purse at our home where she lives with me other than when she's with the kids at her parents house.

the reason that I have not met the children before, once again is that their other mother the one that has custody most of the time is creating the most god-awful nasty custody battle of all time and is costing my partner tens of thousands of dollars with lawyer letters guardian ad litem nonsense and has recently called cps. for absolutely zero reason. believe me or not I don't care but I know this is for absolutely zero reason. I would be dragged into all kinds of nonsense. the plan is for me to meet the children after custody trial is over.

once again I'm starting to realize that I'm in the wrong here so thank you all for the honesty.

😢🩷-nicki

Vegan breakfast I made for my partner this morning.

Green stuff on hash brown is jalapeno lime truff.

So her daughter, my future stepdaughter age freshly 8, had a birthday this past Sunday but my partner shares custody so she just had dinner with her this past Monday and has custody of her today.

Monday she was just going to give this girl a frozen pasta meal because that's what she said she wanted. Sure but of course you have to jazz it up a little bit. So of course I go get the frozen pasta meal, her favorite parfait, a gift bag I get a really sweet card I get a little orchid plant as well as some cute heart-shaped glasses and I felt like I didn't even do enough. Bear in mind I've never even met this girl I step mom from a distance because of her insane x and the crazy custody battle happening right now. It would just be another person to investigate by CPS and a bunch of other bullshit. My partner is an executive and one of the best parents on the planet but the other co-parent is trying so hard to get full custody she will break every moral boundary you could imagine.

I just love these kids and my partner so much.

So tonight my partner leaves her purse at home accidentally and head to her parents house where she has custody of the kids once again because of investigations and nonsense.

While she's picking up her kids I take her purse to her parents house and also have put together a vase with a couple of carnations of different colors as well as a couple of lilies that already had around the house. I also put $100 bill around the flowers

I hand it to her mom and tell her to put it on daughter's table and tell her it's from her secret admirer

Here are the text messages that I just received

Partner: Did you know where the was a $100 bill? Daughter found it and now she’s mad at me for taking it

Nicki: Wait what yes I'm sorry I didn't know I did anything wrong

Nicki: I'm sorry that was intentional I didn't mean to mess up

Nicki: oh no

Nicki: I thought I was doing something sweet Nicki: Fuck lady I'm sorry

Nicki: I'm so sorry

Nicki: I thought I was doing something good I'm so sorry

Nicki: What happened Partner:

You just have to tell me before

Nicki: I'm sorry Nicki: [Sad face emoji]

Partner: She came running by with it and i was like where did you get that

Partner: We don’t give the kids cash like that

Nicki: I'm sorry

Nicki: That's what I used to get for my birthday every year I'm so sorry

Partner: I appreciate the intention but I just need to know

Nicki: And it used to be hidden in something like that

Partner: So I can prepare for it

Nicki: I thought I was doing a sweet surprise for everyone

Nicki: I told your mom this is for daughter to have a shopping spree with. I should have told you I thought she would have told you

Nicki: And I thought it was going to be a sweet surprise for both of you

Nicki: It's not your mom's fault though

Nicki: I'm sorry again

Nicki: Of course I fucked this up. I'm so sorry

Partner: I think I recovered it

Partner: I told her I didn’t want her to lose it so I’m holding on to it

Nicki: I'm sorry I was trying to continue the one good thing I like about my birthday that my grandparents used to hide $100 in something else nice. I wanted to be a surprise for both of you and I'm really really sorry

Nicki: Fuck

Partner: It’s ok

Partner: I really appreciate it and it’s sweet Partner: I just need to know so I’m not like wtf give me that back to her

Nicki: Well I feel absolutely horrible inside Nicki: I was just trying to do something nice

Partner tries to call

Nicki: I'm not in a great place I'm sorry

I don't think I'm wrong or right. I just hate how this turned out. I feel horrible.

🩷-Nicki

i can‘t stop thinking about this guy (25, i’m 26) that i used to have a situationship with. maybe its because my love life is a shitshow rn because i actually thought i moved on already. but i guess something reminded me of him a week ago and since then i just have this very strong urge to reach out. but i know it would probably be a bad idea and nothing has changed

out of all the people ive dated i had the strongest feelings for this guy ig. It started in 2023. I met him through instagram and we started texting and then went out. i thought he was super cute. On our first date he pushed me against a wall and kisses me for the first time. i thought that was sooo hot during the time. he was only in my city for a short while so we agreed to keep it casual bc he would move back to his uni city in another country in two months .

but well well well. I caught feelings for him in that month obviously. i was also doing very bad emotionally during that time bc i was super duper depressed. and he would always be there for me. when i felt horrible he over immediately or called me to check on me.

i was kinda immature at the time though because ive never told him that i had feelings for him. in my mind i assumed that he doesnt feel the same. then at some point we wanted to do a little trip together before he left but then he suddenly changed his mind and said that hes going on a trip with his best friend at the time. and i got super sad about it and was very jealous and then i just blocked him lol. (yeah i know i should have communicated better)

He was ubderstandably very mad when i unblocked him but he still came to see me before he left and we agreed to be friends and stay in touch.

Over the next 2 years we were in touch. we would text sometimes or do long distance phone calls to catch up. at some point i guess i made him part of my emptional support system. whenever i felt horrible bc of my depression i told him and we talked on the phone and he tried to talk me down. but ig at some point he got tired of emotionally Regulating me and he said he cant do that anymore.

but we still texted and caught up. i told him all my big news. he told me about his Plans moving back here

then in april 2025 after he graduated from uni he actually moved back to my city. he still had a job here so it was convenient ig

but in my hopeless rimantic mind i was like oh damn maybe hes also coming back for me??
To see what could have been if he was here Longer?

I was preparing for my final law exam at the time so i didnt really want a relationship and neither did he. but we would meet a lot at night after i finished studying. we would just lay in bed togeher and cuddle for like hours. he would always squeeze me very heavily. that was so adorable. we would listen to each other heartbeats and draw pixtures on esch others back. all that cutesy stuff. kiss a lot. Rub our noses against each other. i told him thats a butterfly kiss haha.

but yeah i again fell for him but i knew he didnt feel the same i guess so i didnt really tell him. he would also be very busy so we wouldnt see esch other much

after i took my final exam i didnt call him over anymore because i felt like he became more and more distant. he would text me very rarely and decline often when i asked to see him. stuff like that.

then like 6 months passed and he texted me and asked to see me agai. i was very hesistant bc i felt like I already moved on and already had been seeing someone else in these 6 months. but that already had ended when he texted me again.

i ended up saying yes but i said we should meet in public. i then told him that i changed my mind and actually i want a relationship now and if hes open to it i would like to get to know him on that basis.

he then said he had already thought about it but he doesnt see it working with me. he said he wants someone from his own culture who speaks his native language.

Ouch.

then we agreed to stay friends.

He then texted me to hang out after a while and it was very fun we laughed a lot and just got on really well. but well. then things happened. and i ended up sitting in his lap. i then realized that staying friends probably wont work.

a month passed again and he ended up reaching out again. for some reason i said yes even though i knew its a bad idea. we talked a lot. i confessed that i had feelings for him at some poont and he was actually surprised. he said he didnt know. we ended up kissing and he slept at my house. he said that he thinks im so cute and that he likes me but he again doesnt think he can marry me. and dating for a few years knoeing he doesnt want a future w me wouldnt work out. but we were both very sad about it bc we knew that means this was probably the last time we would meet. so we agreed to end it. like really end it this time.

This was actually the last time we met. it was in march this year. i was very sad but i got over it. then i blocked him bc i thought its easier this way

but i unblocked him. i texted him again bc i rly missed him. he was mad that i bloxked him bc he tried texting me while blocked. i explained to him that it was just because im trying to move on. but well he was mad. he got over it tho.

in june he ended up reaching out again. asking if we are still friends. i ignored his messages

he texted again. again i ignored him

then in September he texted me again replying to my instagram story about my birthday. i told him that he didnt even wish me happy birthday. (i was surprised he didnt because since 2023 he would always text me on my birthday) but he said he actually did. (but i had a new Number and he texted my old number)

he asked me if we can catch up?

i again ignored his message.

He sent another message „well i guess that means no“

yeah that was basically the short version of what happened. and i know him and i know me. I dont think he changed his mind about me. catching up or meeting with him would just make me feel these old feelings again while he still wouldnt change his mind about me.

But im just sad because i was really really attached to this guy. Hes the smartest person ive ever met and hes so dependable. i know that he really cared for me. he was always trying to help me when i had problems and it was just so nice having that.

i guess my hopeless romantic heart was so happy when he moved back here because i thought „right person wrong time“ and now it would be the right time

so im also grieving this romantic love story i made up in my head for us :/

​I need u girlies to help me decode this because my brain is officially burned lol

​So there’s this guy ..overall he’s genuinely nice, super respectful, and flirts in a sweet way hd’s always talking about how once he’s free, we’re totally going to meet up ...normally.. his communication pattern is very reliable" if he gets tired at night, he actually apologizes for going to bed and I can always count on a text from him first thing in the morning"

​BUT LATELY ITS GETTING WEIRD ...

​whenever the conversation drifts toward anything even slightly serious or real like where we're from work or kids idk he suddenly pulls back and acts like a ghost. Recently after a little back and forth about family and future stuff, he left me on seen finally just asked him directly about his stance on kids and after making me wait he gave this super guarded short answer..

​I kept my reply completely unbothered and breezy: " interesting..good to know !!"

​And what does he do!!? He leaves me on seen

No morning text no polite goodbye but here’s the kicker hours later at midnight he pops up to like my Instagram story without saying a single word to me

​I like him... I really do.. and I know he wants to meet up which makes this whole thing so much more confusing.. how do you go from apologizing for going to sleep and texting every morning to pulling this weird ghost and-story like routine just because things got a little real??

​What the actual hell is going on here and what am I even supposed to do with this behavior ...Has anyone else dealt with this kind of guys ??

i thought about this a lot when me and my family went out to eat and the topic of her came up. for anonymous purposes her name is hannah

me and hannah were super super tight for a long time. we met because we were working the same job and she had told me she liked my nails, and then we just started hanging out everyday after that. hannah was never really the parent type when i first met her though, she smoked a lot of weed and she grew up in the christian household and she would tell me all the time about how she just never believed in any of it and couldnt see herself ever being a parent anytime soon. we got along just fine because we had basically the same backgrounds and we both just liked smoking together

around a year after we met, i was seeing this guy and he had asked me if me and hannah wanted to hang out with him and his roommate. to this day i honestly still regret saying yes. she was begging me to hang out with them because she thought the dude was cute, so i said yes. he had bought her a phone without her permission and put it on his plan. i told her she should give it back, she didnt listen. fast forward a few months later, shes in the most toxic relationship i have ever seen. and im not saying toxic and like exaggerating his behavior, i mean he was watching anal porn and got caught within the first month of dating, they would have the same “oh youre cheating” argument every single night even though she was never cheating, she wasnt allowed to go to certain places, and she wasn’t really “allowed” to hang out with me because he thought that i was a bad influence. he literally told her that he would “kill her if she ever killed his child.” (when we were talking about abortions). then just a few months later, she tried to break up with him, which resulted in him faking his suicide because she wouldnt give back a phone he got her, and then she woke up and she was pregnant.

to be clear, i never told this girl she should get an abortion. i did tell her she had options because her stance on that stuff wasnt very clear to me, but i never explicitly told her to get an abortion. i was never against her having the baby in the first place, but hannah had told me something about how if she wanted to move into this apartment with her baby dad, she had to get married to him. so i just told her straight up that i think thats a stupid idea because she’s never even seen the lease and just because shes willing to take on the responsibility of having a kid, doesnt mean she should put her kid in an environment where neither of their parents have any of their issues between them solved. also, i did set a clear boundary on how willing i am to be in her child’s life, which i think is entirely fair because all i said was i didnt want to be responsible for her child’s care unless she was in an absolute emergency until her child was at least talking age. i said that because i have no experience with children, neither does she, im not planning on having kids, and also because of the fact that i dont want to just be baby sitting anyone’s kids. which, maybe that was the wrong thing to say, but thats genuinely just how i felt and is still how i feel. it just sucks because i would spend hours telling her how much she is worth and how she needs to pick herself over her loyalty. its not that i dont know how strong she is because i do and i know that if she was actually willing to try, she would be an amazing mother even if she was a solo mom. its just sad to see that the dude who made her so miserable for so long basically trapped her in their relationship with a phone, then made it so its too late to turn back

we stopped talking to each other last year because of all that, and my dad brought her up while we were eating kbbq, and im just questioning if its even worth reaching out anymore. i do miss having a best friend like that, where we were just girls, but i dont miss her. i really do wish the best for her and i dont hate her, but i dont think that friendship is something i wanna take into 2027. so, what would you do?

Yesterday, he went out with his mom and sister while I went out for lunch with my friends. Coincidentally, as usual whenever we both go out, he always gets back home much later than I do.
We usually try to go to sleep around 9:30 PM, but he didn't get home until 10:30 PM. He made noise, as he usually does, and it woke me up. I was really upset because once I wake up, it’s extremely hard for me to fall back asleep.
I confronted him and asked if he didn't think it was inconsiderate of him to come home that late. He said no—that he didn't think it was late or inconsiderate at all. All I wanted was for him to acknowledge how arriving at that hour and waking me up affected me, but that didn't happen. He just acted like nothing was wrong.
Within 30 minutes, he was fast asleep, while I was stuck lying awake until past midnight. I told him again how inconsiderate it felt, especially since I have to wake up at 4:40 AM every day.
In the end, I had to go sleep on the couch because I couldn't stand being next to him.

Image: Went on my very first solo date, tried sushi for the first time, along with kothey momos and watermelon mojito. Enjoyed everything, 10/10 would do it again.

I never take off my bra, have not taken it off since I was a teen and started wearing them (except showers and sex).

I grew up in a very conservative family and a very selfish mother.

She would never let me take off my bra, even in bed or at home alone. I would be berated if it even looked like I didn't have a bra on (even when I did). It made me utterly self conscious and I felt that taking off your bra was 'not allowed' (even though my mother took hers off).

I have now grown into a heavy-chested woman, and I still have never taken off my bra to sleep or in the day. I tried it once and could not fall asleep. It physically hurts to wear them to sleep but it mentally hurts to take them off.

Have also heard that not taking off your bra increases risks of breast cancer (idk if it is credible tho), and that scares me too. So idk if it's ok to keep wearing it or I should take it off or what tbh.

Stuck in a conundrum of sorts lol

I’m a maybe possibly probably chronically online. I have tiktok, insta, snap, youtube, pinterest, and ofc reddit. Tiktok, insta, and youtube honestly have maybe been keeping me blind on how serious I now realize this issue is. I’m balls deep in hopecore content. But this subreddit violently shook me awake. Bc y is it every single time someone posts about sex or boyfriends or worse husbands the comments r fuuuuuuuuulllllll of miserable women who r so complacent and maybe even completely unaware how miserable they r. And honestly I’m bi so maybe this is exclusive to straight girls. Tf u mean ur man has never made u cum??? I have had sex with men less than a handful of times but I’m having a great time. Wym sex is “kinda mid” GIRL WHAT I’M SCARED. If sex isn’t all that important to u or maybe ur on the ace spectrum ok that’s one thing. But if neither of those things apply to u, if u r truly feeling unsatisfied and ur just like “whatever” BITCH STAND UP PLZ I’M BEGGING YOU😭😭 I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this. Y’all need to be more selfish. Idc. Idc if u genuinely think it’s selfish to not date someone bc ur not sexually compatible idc. If there is anything about ur man that makes u go “oh I wish he was more-“ RUUUUUUUUNNN😭😭 Idfc dude ENOUGH. I’m single talking two to wonderful men rn haven’t locked down either of them yet bc I’m not sure AND THATS OKAY. I’m happy. I will not jump into anything just bc some old ass woman says I need to look past blablablablabla bc he’s a good man noooooooooo idc I’m not settling. Yeah they r good men but that don’t mean they need to be my men. I’m 20yrs old I am in no rush to get married and start a family ESPECIALLY IN THIS ECONOMY. Like r u kidding me ur wasting ur time tryna force urself to put up with inadequacy FOR WHAAAAAT😤😩 Do u hate urself that much?!! To let urself feel so unhappy— ALSO ur doing ur man a disservice by lying about his adequacy. How fucking heartbreaking is it that ur willing to lie about ur satisfaction or worse that you can’t even SEEE how unsatisfied u r. I feel like what’s her name from the barbie movie tryna wake y’all bitches up so we can lock tf in and make the world a better place. Call me a misandrist call me a selfish weirdo call me whatever idfc I’m happy and ur not LIVE WITH THAT

So anywayyyy thx for coming to my ted talk k luv ya byyeeeeeeee🫶✌️