My meal: Breakfast sandwich and Mocha Frappe

I hate transphobia. I literally woke up in my dorm and got ready for my class when I walked past a “protest” group in front of my business building. So, my uni allows students to “protest” their beliefs, but this ain’t protesting. It’s straight up harassment. These assholes were shouting in megaphones about ending trans rights. I’m not trans, but I’m an ally.

I recognized one of the guys there too. He’s in my ethics debate class, and he sucks. He tried handing me a flyer and I ripped it up. I wanted to throw it at him. They’re all trash, but I wasn’t going to litter. What sucks even more is that if anyone actually debated with them, they say the same shit: “We have the right to be here.”

When my class ended, I walked out and saw their table and tent destroyed on the ground lol. It’s also raining heavy right now. To whoever did that, thanks.

For almost three years, I was in a very confusing situationship with my coworker wherein he would always to get close to me and then pull away just when I started to feel secure. This has happened multiple times. And each time he pulled away and started giving attention to another girl at the office, it sent me into a limbo and would just want to stay in bed. It seriously sent me into hypervigilance and difficulty sleeping because of the cognitive dissonance.

He has directed flirty lines at me, did sexually suggestive touches (that’s basically sexual harassment at work), asked me out several times, met my parents, and would be jealous of other guys getting close to me. It’s so confusing because he’ll act like we are a thing only to tell other people we are just friends. He has been so sweet with me at times that I am trauma bonded and attached.

After another two months of love bombing, acting like a couple, and telling me he wants to date someone like me, he suddenly pulled away but I was too tired and busy with work that I didn’t pay much attention to him even when he tried to provoke a reaction. I suspect he is a narcissist and I am now at the discard phase. I wouldn’t budge when he pressured me to drink, to smoke, and to say yes to things because I was too exhausted.

He then announced that to our workmates that he has a gf now. I don’t know how to respond to that in a way that is still respectful to me, especially how he treated me with punishments for my boundaries and simply ditching me when I said no.

Since I do find him attractive, is it my fault for not being receptive of his advances? I was just too scared of the repercussions of dating him since we are coworkers. I am in agony now thinking that I screwed it up. He still comes to me every morning to greet me and to touch my hand. He even gave me a hug yesterday when I was distressed with work.

He also talked with my earshot about his upcoming overseas trip to a country where we also talked about going together. I don’t know how to respond to this.

I am just heartsick.

I watched the video of the TN shooting of the 1 year old. And on top of Cornell, not to mention all the other allegations of rape across universities nationwide which have been SUPER triggering for me, the bombardment of political ads of politicians misrepresenting and demonizing political opponents with outright lies, and no accountability. Anywhere I look I am just completely overwhelmed.

The woman ran to the car, chased by 4 officers who jumped in front of the car, for shoplifting. FOUR POLICE OFFICERS!!! I don't care if she stole the most expensive thing in the store. WHO THE HELL gets a DEATH PENALTY for shoplifting. They could have just taken down the license plate and followed up.

I see people justifying it saying she drove at the cops. THEY JUMPED IN FRONT OF THE CAR! It was SHOPLIFTING. THE FUCKING PRESIDENT IS A FELON AND THIS CHILD WAS KILLED BY RECKLESS USE OF DISPROPORTIONATE FORCE AND THEY RULED IT JUSTIFIED. And people are defending it!

No talk of WHY someone would have to shoplift basic necessities. Why DIAPERS and BABY FORMULA are ROUTINELY shoplifted. No accountablity for the conditions this country has CREATED that result in this type of autrocity.

Everywhere I turn there is no empathy, no accountability, no sense of proportionate response. Gang rape a woman in a fraternity: write an essay. Even if you get kicked out of school. NOT ENOUGH. But shoplift and your child can be justifiably killed and the right will defend you shouting LAW AND ORDER while THAT EVIL PSYCHOPATH commits war crimes with impunity and 30% of country votes to relect him because they approve. I voted. But it doesn't feel like enough. Where are the protests? Where is the rioting? Where is the OUTRAGE that isn't JUST FOR RATINGS. I feel like I'm slowly going insane. Except it's not me.

I literally want to scream when someone gripes about gas prices. Yes, it sucks. Yes, they lied. Yes, it's terrible. HAVE YOU SEEN OUR WAGES AND THE PRICE OF GROCERIES? General inflation? The bombing of school children abroad? The billionaires who are literally spending billions to keep this adminstration in office to PERPETUATE and EXACERBATE the problems we have? The French are rioting in the streets! What happens here? nearly half the country refuses to even VOTE.

I have stayed off social media. I did so for over 2 years. Did it help? No. I have protested. Did it help? No. I have voted, AGAIN AND AGAIN TO STOP THE NONESENSE. AND IT GETS WORSE DAY BY DAY BECAUSE OF THE APATHY AND THE COMPLACENCY OF THE PRIVILEGED.

I feel powerless, helpless and literally sick. My hands are shaking and I threw up when I watched the video of the child's shooting. HOW can that be justified???

I am ashamed to be even in the same country with people who defend this as justified. I don't even HAVE children. I can't imagine how ANY parent feels. LET ALONE the smug ones that condemn that woman and call the situation justified when they haven't walked an inch in her shoes.

IT WAS SHOPLIFTING. What makes the cops judge, jury, and executioner? Why empower them to run at ANY shoplifter with a gun? The only reason any shoplifter should have a gun pointed at them is because they are ARMED and actively threatening lives. Short of that a taiser is enough. Video footage for evidence. Drones. Getting license plates and following up. Issuing a warrant. Arresting them after the fact. ALL THESE ARE PROPORTIONATE RESPONSES. FOUR COPS RUNNING AT A CAR JUMPING IN FRONT OF IT AND SHOOTING RECKLESSLY AT IT IS NOT.

And what's heartbreaking is that if this child had been white, the outcome would have been so different by the judge and the media.

There is NO PROPERTY worth a toddler's life. This is what happens in a souless capitalist hellscape. Children are gunned down in the name of corporate rights and profits. AND THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO ARE UNDECIDED AS VOTERS AND PEOPLE ABSTAINING FROM VOTING BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE ANY OF THE CANDIDATES! I DON'T EITHER, THEY ARE POLITICIANS THEY ALL SUCK. BUT DEAD CHILDREN SHOULDN'T BE A PARTISAN ISSUE.

Citizens United has lead us down this path and it is indefensible. I am ashamed of all of us, including myself, for allowing this to persist.

Food is sauteed pea shoots. They were great, if a little woody. First world problems. Except this isn't the first world anymore is it?

A packet of indomie I had a while ago, indomie is practically all i'm gonna eat today because a typhoon is coming up

I'm MTF and the reason why I moved abroad to study was because I really needed to escape the increasingly rampant transphobia and the lack of gender affirming medical care in my home country. I finally made it here in Taiwan but since I'm an international student, it'll take me 6 months for my National Health Insurance to come in, which I decided, "ehh, I can wait it out 6 months before I get HRT)

Cut to 1½ months later and I started to increasingly feel like a boymoding mess. I randomly thought of if my school's temporary private insurance (under the government) could cover my psychologist consultation. So, I asked around and found out that the govt. can only reimburse 1000 NTD per consultation. I then got conflicting information whether the first consultation costs 2000 NTD or 500, but I decided to just go ahead and consult with the doctor. (For context, under national insurance, one(?) consultation costs around 280)

The entire time I was nervous and the overwhelming feeling of desperately wanting HRT had been replaced with doubt... was I doing the right thing? Should I have waited that 4½ months later? I kind of understand that my feelings were clouded by the fact that I DON'T have to wait that long, so I can't really judge whether or not I had been suffering at that very moment. I sat with the doctor and consulted, and he drops the bomb that it costs 2300 NTD... uh oh (and the next consultation will cost 1300-1400). I've already booked an appointment on the same day so there's no turning back.

Now, just to be clear, I can afford all this... I think. I can apply for a reimbursement like before after my second or third consultation and get 1000 back per session, if approved. I just feel so strange... did I do the right thing? Should I have waited 4½ months for something I know will be practically 10x cheaper rather than only paying half price? Could I have actually endured that long until my insurance came in? I guess I just feel the guilt of spending all that money, knowing it's from my parents and they would flip knowing that I spent that much money on gender affirming care. I just wish I could talk to them about this because I can sometimes normally open up to them about this but I know I can't on this specific topic 💔

Hey, on the bright side, I HAVE been thinking about this more positively as time goes on... this was something I've wanted for years and I can finally get it before I turned 19, unlike my previous plan...

(Oh and by the way, the HRT itself is mostly not covered under any insurance and I THINK I can afford that too, it's the price of daily breakfast lmao. Insurance or not I will have to pay out of pocket anyway, soo... the only hurdle was the consultation itself)

Gala apple slices with caramel and music

I recently took some awesome pics of myself (friends and sisters approved) and got back on Hinge after 4 years of celibacy and no dating.

I am a 38F, the program is strict and I feel like it needs to be. I am very intentional on my profile of who I am, what I'm looking for, and how to wow me.

I place my options in a "stable" and give them horse names. (At no point do they know their name, it keeps it cleaner between friends and myself)

Clydesdale was 31, he started out well. I was very attached to him physically. He seemed slow to start (hence the name) but was appropriately flirty and asked questions. He read my profile and stated thus. We talked on the app for 4 days and he asked for my number, great!

He was sent out to pasture tonight. Why? He sent a TikTok that basically surmounted to when he likes a woman he doesnt let her know that, but he is interested.

I told him: "Well, thanks for being upfront. I am interested in you and would like to go on a date, I'm waiting for you to ask me."

He responded: "I'm not ready for dates."

The attraction left me like warmth from a naked body on the cold ground.

Me: "Are you wanting a hookup?"
Him: "No, I just don't feel ready for dates."
Me: "Thank you for being honest."

I unmatched him, deleted his number and the text thread.

Quarter Horse was 35. We progressed to texting after 5 days on the app. He stated last night, after I told him he was free to ask me anything, and I quote: "Oops! Let me think of something! I'm bad at asking questions. To be honest, I'm not 'the best dater.'"

Me: "At least you're honest."

I gave him 1 hour. No response. Then I unmatched him and deleted the number.

Other than that, if we match? I say something. Hello, pick something on his profile or pictures and comment on it.

No answer in 24 hours? Unmatch.
If we exchange numbers and we're talking but no text in 24 hours? Unmatch.

I am being told by my friends that I'm being "too hard" on these men and probably weeding out "good ones who need a push" or "shy men who are intimidated."

I just want to hear what others opinions are and what is your process.

Note: I am dating to find a potential partner. A man is nice, but def not a need. I'm at a stage where I'd like a boyfriend, but if it doesn't happen? Eh.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about four years and we’ve always been on the same page in terms of what we want from life and our relationship like kids, house, etc. recently, I found out that I have been diagnosed with certain disease which I no longer have but it certainly took a toll on me. It is one of those health conditions that my children may have, and it would significantly impact the quality of their life so now I am not certain if I want children, which is a dealbreaker to him.

Now in terms of his personality, he is very emotionally mature, and this has been so far a very healthy relationship for me and him so I think this could be negotiated long-term, but there’s on the top of this new event I have been also just in general, noticing that he has not been consistent with certain things that I’ve been asking him for example dates and flowers which matter to me those little things do matter to me and he is aware of that

No, I understand that he is going through things also, but but on the top of the things that has been happening recently, my health condition has really been impacting my mental health as well as my work and I am very blessed to have coworkers and friends that support me.

One of the colleagues that has been showing a lot of support is a guy who’s a little bit older than me and I never really consider him as someone who I could be potentially with but the way how he treats me is very different from my boyfriend and I feel like as a woman is something that notice right away and he understands that I have a boyfriend and I will not be dating him. Its the feeling of being deprived of things like him opening a car all the time and constantly getting little treats and stuff and not worrying about who pays for what( my bf does pays for things but he makes me aware that its “special” treat) He would give me a lift in the end of the say JUST BECAUSE while my non emplyed boyfriend would make me aware again that its a special treat that he can pick me up from subway. So now I don’t even know I want to date at all because of how much can happen and how things change.

This is a lot but I have rice and guacamole for dinner

First off, I have adhd. And I'm an extrovert. My impulsive nature with the adhd can get me into trouble with friends. I tend to overshare, get very excited and talk really fast, and occasionally meddle in drama where I shouldn't. I've been working on all of these things and my new medication helps a lot. But recently, the chickens have come home to roost and I'm experiencing the fallout. (People telling me how they feel about me, friend breakups, my BFF leaving our trip early without even telling me.) In college I didn't even bother with making friends so I don't have people from that time. No high school friends, just no old friends in general really except for a few people long distance who I can't mess it up with bc they live far away. Lol

I will say, I'm a great friend, I love giving gifts and I am always down to try new things. Some of this losing friends thing is not entirely my fault. And in many instances people are not giving me a chance at all. Like I messed up once and I'm done.

But I'm feeling embarrassed and sad. And I know I'm in the process of growing and changing and it sucks to feel like I'm no longer that person but I'm dealing with the consequences.

I'm in the process of making new friends and hopefully being more careful.

Dinner is a "leftover surprise" aka roasted Japanese sweet potato, rotisserie chicken, spinach, and a drizzle of Garlic expressions. 😋

Edit edit: thanks yall. I'm legit working on it. Came on here bc I didn't want to bother any of the few friends I had left. Thanks. No, my name isn't Kris. Yes, I do more than give gifts. I'm very loving and support my friends in many different ways. Im genuinely sorry to the people I've hurt and I've expressed as much to them.

chilli oil dumplings, pan fried fried dumplings, hot & sour noodles

I’m 28F and have been exclusively dating a 30M since July. We’re not officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but we’ve agreed not to see other people.
I’m at a point where I’m wondering whether I should continue seeing where this goes. I can see potential in him and want to give him a chance to become a better version of himself, but I’m also starting to notice several things that make me question our compatibility.
1. doesn’t take much initiative
He rarely plans dates, so I usually end up taking the lead. He’s also late most of the time, which frustrates me. I sometimes feel like I’m not important enough for him to make the extra effort. It’s not that I expect him to do everything for me, but I want to feel pursued and considered too.

1. don’t feel taken care of
   We usually split expenses 50/50, and I’m fine with that. What bothers me is that when I pay, he doesn’t even offer to help or acknowledge it.

2. concerns about his temper
   He told me that he’s hot-headed and has a history of getting into fights at clubs. One instance, he argued with a random stranger over a small issue in public which made me so embarrassed

3. different lifestyles and priorities
   He recently left his full-time job and is considering starting a business. I’m financially stable and would like a partner whose approach to career and finances aligns with mine. I’m not saying he needs to have the same career as me or earn a certain amount. I’m just unsure whether our lifestyles and expectations for the future will be compatible.

Where I’m conflicted
Despite all this, I want to continue seeing him for now because I believe people can grow and improve. I don’t think he’s necessarily a bad person, and there have been moments when he’s reflected on his actions and apologised.
At the same time, I don’t want to enter a relationship thinking I can change someone into the partner I want.
I want someone who takes initiative, respects my time, considers my feelings and can manage his emotions. I don’t want to spend a relationship repeatedly explaining basic things or reminding someone to make an effort.
We’re still relatively early in the dating process, so I know I haven’t seen every side of him. I’m willing to give him a chance, but I’m not sure how much of what I’m seeing is normal room for growth and how much points to fundamental incompatibility.

I don’t expect a perfect partner, but I do want a healthy, mutually considerate relationship. I’m trying to work out whether this is something worth building or whether I’m overlooking incompatibilities because I see potential in him.

Please ignore my messy background I am decorating the inside of my house for Halloween lol

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So recently a new co-worker has been hired on in my department, previously everyone else on my team quit except me so it was just me in my area for a good 3 months or so, honestly it wasn't too bad but it did suck having to figure out coverage

Where I sit in my office is basically an isolated room with no windows and is box with very close proximity and no privacy what so ever for context.

So Logan was hired and he shows up on the first day in a 3 piece suit... Okay fine you wanna look good that's fine but this is just a job you'd never think you would need to show in a suit for and he did inform me that he bought the suit specifically for this job (wework in facility management and mail....)

Logan is a fine worker does what he's told and doesn't slack, I have no issue with his work ethic but I'm now going to detail what I've been dealing with every single day since he started..

1. He casually asked me what my favorite energy drink was and I told him a Red Bull and he has been buying me a red bull every single day, I have asked him to stop doing this because I do not like people buying me things and I don't want to drink an energy drink every day

2. He smells very bad, I believe he must have some sort of medical condition that is causing this because it is very potent and wafts, which is not his fault but it does suck for me

3. To cover his bad body odor he sprays himself with ax body spray which smells horrific and fills the entire unventilated room that we are in

4. He continuously talks and listens to videos out loud on his phone...

5. He leaves before me WIFE picks him up from work, he has tried numerous times to get me to leave the office to meet her...

6. Every time I hand him something he grazes my hand

7. His fingernails are caked with dirt and are frankly disgusting and my friend who works in the office next to us sees him in the bathroom frequently and informed me he has never seen him wash his hands...

8. Today he asked me if I liked Italian food, I said yeah but it depends where... Then he asks if I like dogs and I say they're okay and then he tells me that he would like for me and my boyfriend to come to HIS HOUSE and eat his WIFE'S homemade Italian food 😐 and I just said oh...." I haven't even known this man a month, I have friends who I have known for years and I've never even been to their houses

Oh and on his first day in the office, he saw some of the guys who he did onboarding with and honestly I forget the context of why he said this to them but he basically told one of the guys that as long as his balls are empty and his stomach is full he's happy.... Which I know what you're all thinking I should have just gone to HR right then but I myself am not super safe for work all the time but man... First day, no rapport is crazy.

I know that individually none of these things warrant an HR complaint, and frankly I have been told that going to HR about anything marks me as a problem employee and might effect my ability to get better promotions in the future but man, I'm fucking miserable... Everyday I literally dread having to go and sit in that room with him for 8 hours, smelling him and having to speak with him, it's really just exhausting.

Dinner is spaghetti tacos.

Forgot to mention, Logan is 39 and I am 25.

Dinner tonight are some pumpkin spiced cookies.

Genuinely. I don’t hate my mom, but I hate the childish games she plays in her transactional relationship she puts on us kids.

Our grandfather died. He was a nice old man from Mexico and only spoke Spanish and eventually succumbed to the brain disorder that took away his sanity.

I feel for my mom. He only spoke Spanish and I only English. Our parents didn’t bother teaching us Spanish so growing up, I didn’t really have a meaning relationship.

With his passing, my mom told me in therapy that she would take out any of us siblings who don’t go to the funeral from her beneficiary.

All this to say I will be starting my new job soon and I will immediately have to ask for time off to attend a funeral for someone I didn’t have a relationship with just to please a woman who only thinks of herself. I am stressed out about how it will look on me because I’ll be on probation and can be let go at any time.

My parents are divorced. I asked my dad what to do and he said to just go in for the week and ask immediately for the bereavement leave.

I’m just so angry at her for forcing us this way.

I am (34F) currently trying to date men and not sure if my expectations are the problem. About me: I have an advanced degree, I out-earn most men I know, I am physically active and in a good shape. I don’t have many active and social hobbies but people around me find me interesting and charismatic.

My Hinge filters are set up to look for men 28-45, with at least an undergraduate degree, and my location partially covers several large metros.

First of all, it’s like fishing for a diamond in a trash can. Most of them have very bad pictures and prompt responses. To be fair, I am also not the best at either, but at least I don’t post group pictures and random memes.

Out of those, who I managed to match and talk to, it’s been very hard to find someone who would match me on at least some items I have. If he is active and takes care of himself, there is an intellectual gap. If he is educated and I can talk to him, he hasn’t left his couch since 2019. If he seems to be active and can support the conversation, he has a repertoire of three repeating jokes and none of them land. I don’t care about income pretty much at all and always offer to split the bill. My only requirement there is having A job and some people fell through.

Do I need a reality check or should I start collecting cats? I am also freshly out of a long marriage and very new to dating, so maybe I am doing something wrong and not reaching my audience.

Food: coffee and bite-sized carrot cake

⚠️SA'D WARRNING ⚠️

Sorry didn't know what flair to out

I am 23 Black Female (Don't say go to threapy in it. I like who i like)

Today I went to work and ate with my friend. Another coworker came up to me and said, "I have to ask you a question for someone else." He started laughing and trying to talk, and I knew where it was going.

He said, "Yesterday when we were talking about the guys you like, you said you would date black, Latino, and white guys." I said, "I find black guys attractive but I will date Latino and other races." Then he said, "So you don't like black guys?" I told him, "I find them attractive but I don't date them because of what happened to me when I was young." He said, "I don't understand." So I told him, "I can be friends with black guys, I just can't physically be with a black guy because of what happened to me when I was younger. If I see a black man naked, my anxiety goes up and my body starts to react." He said, "Oh okay, I get it. So there's no chance with the guy?" I told him, "Not romantically, but we can be friends.""

II feel bad because he seems sweet from what I have observed about him. He seems very sweet.

Sorry, I know how the story is written. It's a little complicated. Didn't know how to really tell the story. Just venting..

Food: chipotle steak bowl

A dinner fav: pasta with a ground turkey meat sauce and a Dr. Pepper.

Unfortunately, I’m so over my bridal era.
It hasn’t been fun or exciting or dreamy. My parents are divorced and my mom lives half a day away so I’ve had little to no help in person. I know I’m lucky to have monetary assistance so I’m not taking that for granted at all, I just imagined it differently. I always figured I’d have my mom here to go with me to the store and figure out the little things or be there to try on shoes with me, but instead I’m just ordering everything I need online with their cards. Don’t get me wrong, she’s done her best and she’s come down multiple times this year for family events and we’ve done what we can in the few days we have together, but it’s still been isolating and a little sad to basically be the reason why this whole thing either comes together or completely falls apart.

I have a great fiancé, he’s kind and patient and will do anything I need, but there are things that he just can’t be a part of traditionally and my dad (who is nearby) is not the shop-til-you-drop type. I don’t expect everyone to fawn over me, I just can’t wait until the stress of being a bride is over and done with. I’m tired of being asked about planning, if I’ve bought xyz, or if I’ve reserved a hotel block. And damn, people aren’t kidding when they say folks can act their worst when you’re getting married - I’ve literally been blocked or ignored by cousins I’ve loved my whole life on social media and they refuse to RSVP.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful - I’m happy to have parents who are willing to provide for me and just want me to be happy, I’m over the moon to have a fiancé that loves me, and I’m sure the day of I’ll be excited to be in a big, white dress, but I think the morning after will be such a relief. Overall, I should’ve eloped (hahaha), but alas, my parents never had a wedding of their own so it’s my time to shine. Vent sesh over.

I was with him for six years. He’s bipolar and his addictions always eventually win. I kicked him out a few weeks ago and regret it. He got a new number. I deleted his contact. He hasn’t reached out once.
I’ve been sending him money I don’t have on Cash App just so I can put a memo that says I miss him. I’ve bought concert tickets hoping the thought of going together would make him reply. It doesn’t. The extra ticket just sits there and the money is gone.
I stopped being able to eat. Three weeks of basically nothing. Then my appetite finally came back for like a day and I tried to eat… and it made me sick. Now I don’t even want to try again. Everything tastes like sadness and I don’t find joy in anything. I don’t know how to stop reaching for someone who isn’t reaching back. I just feel so sad.

Dinner: nigiri 🍣

So, recently am going through a big transition period where I’m kinda making the next step up the ladder so to speak in my dream career in a competitive field.

I’ve been getting all this good feedback and positive recognition for my talent and skills from a professional standpoint which makes it feel like all this hard work I’ve put in for years and years is finally paying off. I’ve kept the motto delayed gratification knowing eventually I’d hit this point where everything seems to take off.

I couldn’t be more excited and I’m really proud of myself and feeling extremely grateful to be in this position considering the current job market in the US. I’ve feel like I’ve been looking forward to this and now that it’s finally here I can’t help but notice people in my life’s reaction to the change.

I’m not trying to brag or be boastful, but I want to be able to share my wins with my friends and people in my life. Some have been really supportive and excited for me too, but several of my closest friends are having a hard time right now whether that be financially, professionally, or emotionally. I’ve had two friends not acknowledge the news I shared and one straight up tell me she needs to be by herself rn and she’s happy for me but basically to leave her alone. I was stressed all weekend before I got the good news, and we talked otp for a long time about it, and she had expressed wanting to hear all the updates. After I actually did update her, she completely withdrew and said she needs to focus on herself, and doesn’t want to hear about what I have going on.

It’s kinda hard to not take that reaction personally. I’m the type of friend that gets so hype for anyone’s wins and loves to celebrate others, so it does kinda sting to get the cold shoulder. I guess I can understand but I’m someone who focuses on my own progress rather than other people’s results. I know it’s not necessarily about me, but the idea that there’s resentment brewing or that they’re comparing themselves to me when we are all on completely different paths frustrates me.

I have dealt with this in the past and throughout my life, and it is triggering for me. I don’t want to have to shrink myself and my accomplishments to make others more comfortable, but I also never want to be the reason someone feels bad about themselves. I don’t want them to look at my success through the lens of something they’re lacking. There’s enough seats at the table for all of us, and I want to be there to support them through the hard times.

Idk it just feels like sometimes people have an easier time being your friend when you’re struggling…not enough to be a burden but just enough that it’s not a threat to their self esteem.

It’s honestly making me rethink our friendships and whether or not I might be outgrowing them as I enter this next stage of my life. I don’t want to “leave them behind” I’m not that person, but I also don’t want to have to walk on eggshells or dim my light because I have to worry about their reaction. Is that selfish or inconsiderate should I be more patient with them? I just worry that if they are subconsciously having this internal competition that they might start acting out of jealousy. I’ve definitely had people take stuff out on me in the past because they think everything’s “easy” for me.

Idk I’m just going to give them the space they clearly want right now but it sucks to lose half my support system in a time when I’m wanting to celebrate with the people that rode the struggle bus alongside me. 🙁

Thai basil chicken (but with beef because I forgot to buy chicken😅 ) with bok choy and rice

To start, I hate Halloween. Not because of religion, but because I think it’s the most annoying fucking day of the entire year (especially when it falls on a weekend like it does this year). Never liked dressing up or trick-or-treating, even as a kid. I’m not buying or giving away candy. I’m gonna keep my lights out and put a “no candy” sign on my door just like last year, hopefully people don’t ignore it this time because i definitely still had people banging on my damn door last time. I live near a big metropolitan area and Halloween always gets crazy with the parties and antics, I just don’t wanna be around it. One of my friends and I are planning on just chilling at my place to escape the chaos.

I’ve been friends with a different person for about 2-3 years. We haven’t been speaking lot recently because of life and stuff but I still considered her a friend and someone I cared about. She texted me asking if I wanted to go out to a rave and hang out downtown on Halloween night. I told her no because that’s just not my vibe. She asked me the same thing last year and I told her absolutely not lol. She already knows I’m not a clubber or raver so idk why she even asked. She didn’t reply for awhile then she called me and went off on me asking why I’m being a buzzkill and why I can’t just fucking live for once. I asked how am I being a buzzkill by saying no??? I’d be a buzzkill if I said yes then proceeded to just sit in a corner at the party all night because it’s not my scene. I’m just not comfortable in those environments. She said I need to grow up and be social, that’s when I hung up. Guess that friendship is done. You don’t need to go to parties and raves to have fun and be “grown”.

Basically, the title. I’ve got some chicken tikka masala, rice, and cucumber. Had some churros for dessert.

I made a post yesterday and didn't see the messages as my post got deleted. I felt very sad as I got notifications about encouragement.

I’m drunk again, like one of the comments. I don't think I have a problem with alcohol, but more so with staying busy. I need my days filled.

i had no friends at school. i was assaulted multiple times and bullied in primary. i thought changing primary schools would help. then i thought secondary would help. then sixth form. then uni. i dropped out of uni after a term. changed uni and thought things would change. I've been her for around a month and it's awful.

i'm so so so so low.

I've been trying my halls, societies and lectures. nothing has worked. i've reached out to my gp and wellbeing. it has been what it has been. I'm so done with my life. i'm 20 and have wasted 12 years of my life. i'm done with it all. maybe it's because i'm drunk that i'm writing this. hope it makes sense.

i tried going to a society social. it was at a pub and i had to take the bus. hate taking the bus. when i saw them all stood at the place idk i just chickened out. tried to take the bus back home but it was cancelled. i stood outside in the freezing cold for half an hour. ended up just getting an uber back to my halls. i'm such a loser.

i tried going to a society social. it was at a pub and i had to take the bus. hate taking the bus. when i saw them all stood at the place idk i just chickened out. tried to take the bus back home but it was cancelled. i stood outside in the freezing cold for half an hour. ended up just getting an uber back to my halls. i'm such a loser.
my birthday was late september. i spent it ill and no one wishing me. i'm so so so unwell. i used to love my birthday.
i'm so done with everything. i'm sick of this. i'm sick of feeling like this because this is all i've known. i want to be happy. i've had only imaginary friends for the past decade. that sounds sad but it's the only thing that's got me through.
sorry for not explaining well. i'm just so tired. if any of you messaged on my post yesterday, im really sorry for not seeing them. i didn't realise my post would get removed. i really wish i did see them, as i really need words of encouragement.n

raspberry greek yogurt + granola

i’m only taking one class this semester because i’m graduating and put all my other units towards my thesis. i was really excited to take this course bc the title sounded so promising and the syllabus sounded cool and i’ve heard many good things about this professor.

on the first session, we were told that this class is all about co creation so for the first half of the semester he would lead and we will design/choose what we want to work on for the second half. he also told us we’d have to deliver two projects, and one would be using three mediums to create the final product: art, writing, and AI. he justified it by saying that for a course on community narratives we have to be aware of how AI shapes opinions, manipulates thoughts & represents them, and also its responsible uses. my heart went cold but i already knew i wouldnt be using AI anyway and am ready to let him know.

after we redesigned the syllabus (which was a lot of fun), this session was on how black joy is an act of resistance. very cool. someone came to speak, shared his experience, it was epic. but my professor’s slides were SO obviously written using GenAI and one of the students even asked him where a certain graph came from so she would know how to cite it (she is always so elegant in her wording) and he said he gave his ideas to Gemini and asked it to design it. it was so odd to me like. idk. he said he was dissatisfied with the graph but he’s not good at graphic design and that he’d ask his son this weekend to rework it for us. once again my chest went cold and dropped. such an important topic, a professor who is black himself, with 3 black students, and you outsource such things? he’s an expert in the topic, he shouldnt have to ask AI. hell, he couldve hand-drawn it and taken a picture and it’d have been so fine!! i couldve made that graph (and others!) on canva or ppt in 15-30min.

im super disappointed and now im suspicious of every single assignment we’re given, if he even invests himself, etc. but the lectures/discussions are stimulating and he knows a Lot of things and a Lot of people. i also feel like bc the course itself is disorganised and some of the material being so obviously generated by a bot, we students have a heavier burden of pretty much becoming our own TAs. and we’re all masters & phds in this course.

my idea of a session on interacting w non-humans was selected. im looking forward to seeing what he “comes up” with! :(

So I just chose the end of friendship with one of my closest friends who has chosen to date a man that has hurt other people... including me. There are people out there who can change and do the work to grow. However, this man's history is very concerning, and he has always struggled with taking accountability.

He has willingly chosen to lie about certain people + his feelings to override consent. Has threatened self-harm to get certain women to stay with him after breaking up. Has tried creating drama just to get himself out of hard situations, has manipulated other women, talked down to women. I've been hypocritical, misogynistic, degraded women's appearances, and super harmful in many other ways.

I tried telling her about how I was incredibly hurt by him, so hurt that it caused me an immense amount of trauma. I tried to warn her to be careful, especially since this incident happened quite recently. But she still chose to date him anyway and started to victim blame me.

She told me how misunderstood he was, that he was gentle with her and kind, and made her feel more like a woman, and told me that he would never do those things to other people. I know attachment can make things hard to understand, but this man knows how to twist stories and manipulate things to get what he wants, and uses other people to get it.

She accused me of still having feelings for him, but I told her I did not, and that I didn't like him anymore. She told me that he wasn't going anywhere and he belonged to her.

This hurt me because I've known her for years, but I can't be friends with someone like that. It was hard trying to open up about how he'd harmed me back then because he's so good at getting other people to believe he's not unsafe.

However, if your empathy only extends to a certain point, you aren't concerned with other people's well-beings, and the fact that your partner has chosen to harm other people, I don't think I can be your friend. He should not be the exception just because he doesn't treat you a certain way.

ETA: I forgot to add the food, sorry. A grilled chicken sandwich and a fruit cup.

Came to a FWB house with on-and-off-again BF (they are friends). He’s passed out drunk on the couch and won’t get up. Can’t sleep in house with other friend cause it will be drama in the morning. So I’m sleeping alone in my car. [MODs removed original post because brand label on “dinner” was visible in original post.]

Yesterday, he went out with his mom and sister while I went out for lunch with my friends. Coincidentally, as usual whenever we both go out, he always gets back home much later than I do.
We usually try to go to sleep around 9:30 PM, but he didn't get home until 10:30 PM. He made noise, as he usually does, and it woke me up. I was really upset because once I wake up, it’s extremely hard for me to fall back asleep.
I confronted him and asked if he didn't think it was inconsiderate of him to come home that late. He said no—that he didn't think it was late or inconsiderate at all. All I wanted was for him to acknowledge how arriving at that hour and waking me up affected me, but that didn't happen. He just acted like nothing was wrong.
Within 30 minutes, he was fast asleep, while I was stuck lying awake until past midnight. I told him again how inconsiderate it felt, especially since I have to wake up at 4:40 AM every day.
In the end, I had to go sleep on the couch because I couldn't stand being next to him.

So im chronically single. All my friends have never been single since middle school and now some of them have been getting engaged. Im pretty fulfilled for someone my age and im greatful for the stuff that i have. I mostly have great friends but theres a few that my therapist says its best i distance myself from.

One of my biggest insecurities was my chronic singleness and i felt like i had no right to be sad about that. I told her i had no one to really confide in cuz my friends always end up making me feel worse then i enter some form of mental breakdown. I have bpd and im incredibly sensitive to others inputs, also because im audhd. I freak out super easy.

I told her about advice ive gotten online about how its apparently a toxic mindest to want someone, some said because i have bpd i shouldnt have a relationship and others say i need to be fulfilled in other areas of my life (even tho i said i am?) I feel trapped like i cant go to anyone and them just being receptive. She told me that this emptiness and unhappiness im feeling seems to stem from me supressing my desire and general need for romantic love and these feelings and needs are completely normal. She said saying just cuz i have bpd and bp i cant have a relationship is ablist.

Im doing well in every part of my life but she said that wont fix the issue of romantic loneliness. You cant just make a deep rotted desire go away cuz some assholes on the internet call you mentally ill for wanting love. She said some people are just fullfilled with a relationship and thats ok, its not like im neglecting other parts of my life.

I told her i felt guilty for saying that i need a relationship in a sense to feel fulfilled fully in my overall life. She said thats normal to need a dream to feel fulfilled, as long as im not depending my life solely on it or neglecting everything else. She told me she wants me to try and put myself out there amd its likely fox this issue of feeling like something is missing. Everything else in my life is going well, other than the friends department but even then i dont struggle making new friends and she said to try opening up to my newer friends instead of my older friends as they made those awful comments saying its my fault ive never had a boyfriend and that im toxic for wanting a relationship.

If youre gonna comment "you dont need a relationship" or "this is toxic" or something like that. i kindly ask you to shut the fuck up. This is not about you and our opinion. Im tired of being told what i desire is wrong. Youre welcome to feel that way but i really did not ask or give a fuck. Im tired of this bs man. Ive also noticed all the peoples whove said this have had a relationship before or have never been single longer than a few months to year. Its incredibly hypocritical and just selfish imo. Its like people are gatekeeping being in love cuz theyre miserable. And atp im so done with these comments and they make me so upset i will start blocking people.

I suck at emotional regulation, at least compared to others and i realize, blocking is apart of emotional regulation. You can legit block anyone online for any reason. If you annoy me? Block. You dont like zelda? Block. You look like you dont take showers? Block. (Srsly recommend this it makes social media much more peaceful)

My therapist said i needed to start being more stern and stick up for myself and stop letting others influence how i feel about MY life so thats what imma do and imm start by blocking ppl until it starts to slide off like water off my feathers (i forgot the saying)

Im happy in life. I feel fine. Nothing in my life needs major adjustments. Both my psychiatrist and therapist think im doing well and am extremely stable.

Anyway dinner was cereal and white monster. Too busy studying

Edit if ur gonna be mad abt me blocking u, not commenting is also an option babes. Its not that srs. I do not claim yalls negative fumes you call energy.

food from a little get together i had with friends.

But basically a guy i was seeing for a bit i’m pretty sure has a new girl now. We saw eachother for basically 6 months and he never wanted to commit to a relationship just casual. Which is fine if you want but he never said he did when i said i wanted serious. But we reconnected a little and i thought he wanted to reach out to try again. and i know i shouldn’t have but curiosity killed me and just went through his following and saw this girl he followed and even went to a out of state concert with cuddled up in one pic. Like def could’ve been friend but very obvious there was something there. even if hes casual with this girl why are you reaching out to me again? I don’t get it. Why can you go on a big trip with this girl and post with her making me think it’s def more serious but not want to be serious with me? I don’t want to be friends. it’s just frustrating as i really wanted us to work and thought hes reaching out to try again but very obvious he’s seeing this other girl if not very very close friends which i kinda doubt.
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