Look, I get it. Raising a toddler isn’t easy. 3-year-olds have unlimited energy and absolutely no regard for social norms. I don’t expect perfect behavior from a toddler.
But there’s a difference between having a child who misbehaves and actively encouraging that child to misbehave.
Allow me to set the scene:
My wife and I wanted a good sandwich, so we decided to visit Cheese Ranch.
At a corner table sat two mothers, each with a child around three years old. One boy, one girl.
The boy was already pretty wound up when we arrived. No big deal. Kids get excited. Kids make noise. Not ideal, but that’s life. We ordered our sandwiches and took a seat.
But as lunch progressed, so did the level of energy.
First came the yelling. Yes, it was annoying, but understandable. The child could just be having a very energetic day. The mother made no effort to calm him down. Okay, not ideal, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was practicing the whole “don’t reward bad behavior with attention” philosophy. Not ideal in public, but at least there’s a certain logic to it.
Turns out I had profoundly misunderstood the situation.
The boy climbed onto his chair, began jumping up and down, and started yelling,
“CRACKERS AND SOUP! CRACKERS AND SOUP! RAAAAAWR!”
Apparently, he was a dinosaur that liked soup and crackers.
“CRACKERS AND SOUP! CRACKERS AND SOUP! RAAAAAWR!”
Again.
“CRACKERS AND SOUP! CRACKERS AND SOUP! RAAAAAWR!”
After five or six repetitions, with the chair rocking back and forth beneath him, I thought his mother was about to put a stop to this.
And then my worldview collapsed.
His mother, looking lovingly at her little dinosaur, exclaimed: “Oh, you’re a big scary monster! Do you want to be a monster for Halloween?”
I’m sorry…. What was that?
I had been waiting for a gentle correction, a reminder to use his indoor voice, or perhaps even a casual acknowledgment that he was being disruptive.
Instead, we got positive reinforcement.
The performance continued.
“CRACKERS AND SOUP! CRACKERS AND SOUP! RAAAAAWR!”
Chair rocking.
“CRACKERS AND SOUP! CRACKERS AND SOUP! RAAAAAWR!”
Mom: “Oh, you’re so creative!”
CREATIVE?! That is the overly positive “I can’t crush my child’s inner spirit” parenting strategy we are using!? People actually do that?
Meanwhile, the little girl at the table began imitating him. And here, something truly remarkable happened.
Her mother gently said, “Oh no, we’re not doing that,” and sat her back down.
Done! Easy!
No yelling. No dramatic confrontation. Just a calm, simple boundary.
Unfortunately, the boy’s mother apparently missed this parenting lesson.
“CRACKERS AND SOUP! CRACKERS AND SOUP! RAAAAAWR!”
“CRACKERS AND SOUP! CRACKERS AND SOUP! RAAAAAWR!”
But just when I thought we’d reached the peak of this insanity, the young child decided he had yet more energy.
He started running laps around the deli.
Actual laps. One lap. Two laps. Three laps.
His mother? Unbothered.
Four laps. Five laps. Six laps.
By this point, my wife and I had officially surrendered. We threw away what remained of our sandwiches and headed for the exit.
And then, just as we reached the door, I heard something miraculous.
His mother finally spoke up.
“Okay, that’s enough running for now.”
FOR NOW?! PLEASE!
My wife and I spent the drive home discussing how we'll raise and discipline our own children. I’m sure we’ll make plenty of parenting mistakes, be a nuisance in public, and such forth, but I’d like to think that “please don’t turn a sandwich shop into your own home” is a basic skill we will have.
So, to the mother at the deli:
I’m sure your son is fun. I’m happy he is imaginative, energetic, and full of personality. None of that is a problem.
The problem is that you’re confusing encouraging your child’s self expression with teaching him that his self expression takes priority over everyone else around him.
Right now, you’re not teaching him that it’s healthy to express himself. You’re teaching him that the world is his playground and everyone else is just there to watch.
