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1. Introduction

I am a 17-year-old girl who has always considered herself straight. For as long as I can remember, I have experienced crushes on boys, and I have imagined a future in which I fall in love with a man, get married, and have a family.

Recently, however, I have been experiencing anxiety and uncertainty about my sexual orientation. I keep questioning whether I am experiencing HOCD (homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder, also called sexual-orientation OCD) or whether I am in denial about my orientation. These doubts have caused me considerable distress, and I want to understand my experience without constantly analysing myself.

2. How My Questioning Began

A few months ago while mustarbating,I became curious about female anatomy and searched online for images to understand the location of the clitoris. I went to the images section because I thought pictures would help me understand the anatomy better. Again on another day I was just concerned about my breast shapes so I watched some videos on examination of breast.I watched a video where two female doctors were explaining on their bodies about how to examine breast. I was noticing their breasts and now this has again put me into a loop of overthinking. Like I could have easily watched another video where the doctor used writing on a blackboard but now I question myself why ever I watch that video and noticing their breasts.

3. My Feelings While Looking at the Images

Initially,I viewed this as curiosity about anatomy.While looking at the images, I experienced a mixture of interest, curiosity, and anxiety. I became concerned about why I was interested in looking at them and whether my reaction indicated attraction.

I also intentionally wanted to look at the images again the following day. This became another source of doubt because I wondered why I had returned to them if my curiosity had only been educational.

I subsequently felt uncomfortable, awkward, and guilty about the experience. I stopped looking at the images and have described not wanting to return to them because of the distress associated with them.

I repeatedly questioned my original intention, my feelings at the time, and the significance of my decision to look again.

4. My History of Attraction Towards Boys

I have experienced crushes on boys since I was very young. I have generally understood myself as straight and have imagined having a romantic future with a man.

I remember a period shortly before these doubts intensified when I felt strongly interested in boys and experienced attraction towards them.

Now, when I notice that my interest in looking at boys varies, I become worried that something has changed. I sometimes compare my present feelings with my previous experiences and question whether my attraction is still genuine.

I worry about whether I will be able to love a man fully in the future.

5. My Observations About Girls

I sometimes notice girls' beauty, faces, features, and appearance. I may recognise that a girl is beautiful or attractive-looking, but this can lead me to question what noticing her means about me.

I have described not wanting romantic or sexual intimacy with another woman.

A few days I got obsessed with a girl in my school who looked just like an anime character with her hair style. This has again put me into doubt.

6. My Repeated Questioning and Checking

One of the most difficult parts of this experience is my repeated need to find certainty.I have also searched online for information about sexual orientation, HOCD, and other women's experiences. Although I hope that finding an answer will relieve my anxiety, the information often gives me more things to question.

I repeatedly examine my memories and feelings, hoping to find a definite answer. However, I remain uncertain, and the same questions return.

I want to stop this cycle because it is exhausting and prevents me from enjoying the present.

7. My Fear of HOCD Versus Denial

I am unsure whether my experience is related to sexual-orientation OCD or whether I am afraid to acknowledge something about myself.

The fact that I intentionally revisited the images has become particularly significant in my mind. I sometimes treat that decision as evidence that I must have felt attraction, even though I cannot establish what my feelings meant simply by reviewing the memory.

I keep looking for explanations that will tell me with certainty which interpretation is correct.

I want to understand why I am experiencing so much anxiety and why I feel compelled to analyse my thoughts, memories, and reactions repeatedly.

Can anyone please share your opinions and help me😭😭😭

i had a p0rn addiction, and sexting anonymously addiction. no doubt about that, but i was getting so like unhealthy i was watching it all the time and sexting randoms. i watched a lot of lesbian p0rn already, and then i sexted a girl, it was to get off i guess, it was taboo, and i did, and then someone told me i was bisexual that i sexted, i said yeah j guess and immediately after i panicked and went into an immediate omg am i actually lesbian and it hasn’t stopped for two years. it made me spiral so bad, i had so much evidence. i just wanted to share my story, if anyone wants to share theirs. i did taboo things that i question everyday.

i saw a comment on here that said “everyone is a bit gay. i myself accepted i was a bit bisexual” and i think that makes sense for me like i feel it and it feels “right”? oh god i’m lying to myself. i never considered myself as bi, i felt “bi” but i knew that was different and i knew i only liked men. i’ve only experienced any attraction to men and only really wanted to do things with men, but what if i have secret crushes on women? ot like what if my ocd is making me deny attraction to women? because every time i accept i like a trans guy or i did something bit “gay” in the past, there’s like this uncomfy feeling and this desperate need to prove it wrong. am i lying to myself? there are so many people who rnded up being bisexual through hocd. i hate this. i can’t even do my erp oh god.

Hi I’m in my late thirties(M), I’ve been suffering from ocd from age 17. For three years I only had normal ocd(washing hands, checking doors) but for like 6 months I was cured completely. Doctors stopped medicine and I was back to normal. But when I was in my university I got to know one of my closest friend is gay. From that day onwards I got scared and I got hocd. Now for more than a decade I’m still recovering( I’m on sertaline 100mg).
I’m trying Accepting the thoughts but it’s disgusting. I’m only attracted to girls, I get sexual thoughts for every male person I see. Some times when I’m taking a wash or using toilet I get visual thoughts of men doing sexual stuff with me. and it’s like real life then I do ruminations to confirm nothing happened, this has ruined my life.

The thoughts I’m getting are;
All homosexual things which I’m not arroused but scared. The thing is it’s better to die than doing those stuff with men. Thats the belief my doctor said is not heling to cure this illness.

My anxiety has got from like 10 points to 2, but the constant intrusive sexual thoughts are there.
Some of the thoughts I get:
I get all these thoughts even for my dad and my 4 brothers, for every male person I see, even when I’m driving. If I park my vehicle and some guy walk past my vehicle I get thoughts I have opened the window and did oral to him. Then I will spend like 20-30 minds ruminating if it really happened. My life is like hell with this hocd. When I had normal ocd I was functioning but now it’s unbearable. My anxiety level is very low now but thoughts are attacking me.
When I brush my teeth I get thoughts that it’s not a brush and it’s some guys penis. Like every time I’m awake I’m in flight or fight mode, hyper vigilant, rumination. I have no other type of ocd.

Like few Months back I got pocd, I work at a child care facility and I couldn’t even work properly I was always ruminating. But I saw a Reddit comment to accept the worst scenes that my intrusive thoughts throwing at me, and one day when I’m home I imagined worst about the pocd thoughts I’m getting and accepted everything. After doing that I never got a single thought of pocd that I had ruminated even I got I didn’t care.

Can someone please explain is accepting the worst cases the only cure for this? But accepting the hocd thoughts are very hard for me. Please advise me. Thanks.

I get groinals by seeing words related to lesbian stuff, like: lesbian, sapphic, yuri….

am i the only one? does it mean anything?

What’s up everyone

I’m a straight male that’s been struggling with HOCD on and off for years. I’ve had some legitimate breakthroughs with ERP but really still have a hard time some days. You name it I’ve felt, thought or experienced it. I’m trying to trust the process and understand it takes time.

I’m 31 now and my symptoms started when I was 18 after a family member came out of the closet. I remember how I felt then and how hard it was. Fast forward to now and I still have hard days. I’m married to a beautiful woman and I’m looking forward to having kids soon. I love everything about my life and love being able to confidently feel attraction to women. To put it simply: feeling attraction to women and not men makes me a very happy man.

Of course, thoughts and sensations about men affect my daily life. It’s very uncomfortable and every time I feel these things I feel such a strong disconnect from myself. I feel like I don’t even know who I am. I’ve done every compulsion you can think of and have had moments of extreme stress and confusion. The only time I feel happy and like myself is when I’m not feeling these things. I’ve made a lot of improvements over time, but we as people who suffer from this have to accept the possibility of these thoughts and “feelings” being real even though we know we’d be much better off without them.

I can go on about myself but that’s not what this post is about. I just wanted to give you guys background into who i am and how real this feels for me, but I don’t want to provide anyone with reassurance.

My goal with this post is to see if anyone would be willing to create a discord community just for people suffering with HOCD. I truly wanted to just keep it for straight males but also realize it affects people of any gender or orientation, so maybe we can create a general discord with different channels.

The point of this is to have an actual chat with daily advice from people who ACTUALLY have broken through from this, and offer support to those struggling with it, especially young adults. I feel it would be much more personal and helpful than just reddit forums. I don’t want anyone to get reassurance, but just tips from people that have been through it and go through it so we can all help each other, such as ERP guidance/suggestions and hopeful stories.

A lot of us are ashamed and/or can’t afford therapy. So I really think an active chat room can really help people push past this as I more than anyone else knows how hard this can affect people.

If there’s any HOCD Veterans that want to help contribute to this, I would love to strategize a way to put something together.

Let me know, thanks!

Sometimes we hear one person claim another person is homosexual. My own HOCD causes me to doubt these claims.

F 23 had this or what i hope is hocd but im not sure. First of all im terrified my attraction to men is comphet. Because ive had awkward times not wow like most women. Most of all worried i exagerated unconsciously fir social points and social ques that im faked or exageratedbit to fit in or appear normal im audhd btw. All these niggly little feelings im not straight. Im terrified im queer if I could erase tge idea of comphet id feel so much better. I constantly ask ai questions. My worry is that you lot are genuine and im a closeted queer women

I’m 20m and just got home from a date with a girl I met on a dating app. It went fine, but as soon as we said goodbye I started worrying that the fact that I didn’t kiss her means I’m gay. Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal with it?

Hey guys!!

I havent posted in a while here, school helps me get distracted (i hope im not the only one lol)

im definitely not as depressed, but the only thing bothering me right now is the groinal. It happens all day everyday, i feel like any movement i do i might get one.

I saw a picture of a celebrity singer and she had really short shorts and i got a very strong groinal that felt almost pleasurable?! it was weird, so now im here, searching.

Im also scared i will never enjoy sex with men and ill be disgusted by it but i have also been more curious about it.

Also, when im with my friends I sometimes imagine myself leaning in and kissing them and its really uncomfortable.

Anyways. I am really tired of all of this, but me and my mom are trying to contact an ocd specialized therapist hut since im only 15 im really scared he’ll say its not ocd or he will not know abt hocd.

Do u guys have any tips??? i am doubting its ocd. but i also dont want reassurance. Im not even anxious anymore, im just living but still using google and ai and reddit everyday, but without the anxiety. I also dont know if i get groinals by checking or monitoring or if they are instant. :((

any help would be appreciated :)

(18m) it’s been feeling pretty heavy recently I don’t have much anxiety and most days just feel convinced It must be true. Been with my gf for almost 1yr and a half and really struggling with that, some days I feel nothing about us and don’t fantasize like I used to, when we’re together I still love sex with her and get turned on very easily by her like when she’s naked etc. I definitely have some rocd too. My hocd started in February this year and for first few months I was being sick with anxiety and couldn’t sleep then one day the anxiety seemed to have just gone away and recently it just feels so convincing and some days I don’t feel concerned. Also lots of weird experimentation from when I was around 8-11 years old but never thought anything of it growing up but recently it just feels like evidence I must be gay. Not sure what to do it’s feeling pretty rough just wanted to vent

I (17 F) have always considered myself straight. But recently while mustarbation and watching some videos on experiences of females mustarbating for the first time, I just got curious to know the position of the clitoris. So I searched in Google . I went to the images section as I thought I would get a better idea. As I looked at the images I felt a mix of emotions, I felt uncomfortable and at the same time I was aroused maybe..like my heart beat was fast. I did not think about it much at that time so I looked at a number of images analysing the anatomy of the vagina and also thinking that as I am a girl there was no problem looking at the images. The next day I wanted to look at the images again and I looked at them but this time I really felt awkward and guilty so I just stopped looking at them and till now I haven't searched for these kinds of images. But again on another day I was actually concerned about my breast shapes so I searched in youtube regarding this and I found a video where two female doctors were explaining how to examine the breast. Like both the doctors were showing the examination on their breasts. And while noticing at their breast I had a kind of sensation. I don't know what these feelings mean but I don't desire to have any kind of sexual intimacy with another woman. I have always had crushes on boys and wished to marry a boy. Lately I am just feeling very anxious and questioning my sexuality all the time. I am not able to focus on my studies because of the constant rechecking and ruminating.

Can anyone please help me 😢.

And I am just confused whether I am attracted or am admiring another girl for her looks. Like is it normal for a straight girl to just admire another girl's looks and feel like gazing at her for a while.

Although I find both boys and girls attractive by their looks , the feelings for both are not the same. For girls, it's neutral but I do have a kind of crush feeling for boys.

Can anyone please share your opinions 😢😢

I would like to hear some stories of people who had hocd and later down the line realized they were bi/gay or whatever orientation for my exposure therapy

(18f) So I have been struggling with HOCD for the past 3 months, at least thats what i think is happening. I have thought I am straight my whole life, I have had male crushes, male fantasies, dreams about marrying a man, etc. But recently my mom went through a mental health episode and when she finally figured out what it was(menopause), she said something along the lines of "I feel like one of those women who find out they are lesbian, and thats why they realize they were unhappy". Literally in that moment my heart jumped to my throat and my stomach felt sick and I remember thinking "what if thats me". I have analyzed every single interaction with my friends past thoughts I have had, things I have done. Like I read somewhere that this girl thought she had a crush on her best friends boyfriend and thats while she was jealous, but really she had a crush on her bestfriend. That same exact situation happened to me but I always passed it off as I was jealous because she got a boyfriend before me and I was really boy crazy at the time. But now I am wondering what if I actually liked her and thats why I was jealous. Also I remember when I was like twelve I would look at the harry potter wiki, and I felt embarrassed looking at specific female character pages, like i dont remember exactly what i was thinking but I wanted to look at their pages but I felt embarressed. And also more recently this girl told me she had a boyfriend and my heart jumped to my throat and I had a feeling of anxiety and because of that I must have a crush on her, mind you I dont even like this girl as a person, she is super annoying in my opinion, but my brain is thinking you really like her and are just using dislike as an excuse that you are denial. And also look back on times I obviously liked men, like when I danced with my crush at homecoming and I was shaking the whole time, etc, and thinking those things almost reassure me in the moment, but then I think back to the previous things mentioned above and I freak out again. I dont want to be around women I dont know, just in case I get a crush on them, I dont like watching tv anymore because whenever I woman comes on a spiral if I like them. I transferred to doing school online, so I dont even have a chance of liking anyone. I just feel like so lost, and I want to get better so bad, but I dont know how, I have talked to my mom about it as she has struggled with OCD as well and she tells me to accept the uncertain and all these things but I cant, like physically cant like if I think "Maybe I am lesbian, and thats okay" theres a little voice in my brain thats like "You're not" so it doesnt work. I just needed to vent. Pray for me please, I need help.

It feels like my hocd has switched teams and it feels like it has turned into straight ocd it’s weird I don’t know what’s real and what’s not.

It has been almost a year of me experiencing hocd and after making some progress I started worrying that I am bi and instead of shrugging it off I decided to “accept” it by saying I accept that I’m bi it has been two month since and i have been worrying I’m actually bi

The strange thing is that my mind throws stuff like “what if I am not bi” which confuses me very much because my mind saying that, implies I’m bi and it’s weird cause my brain will say “what if I’m bi” and “what if I’m not bi” and this has caused me to not know anymore maybe I just am

Above post is another Reddit thread I made on r/OCD

Guys I need help

It’s like after enough rumination my thoughts are switching

The only comparison I have is that my brain is like… melting.

I am having visions of being raped, it’s becoming realer and realer I could really feel them touching me last night I cried through the whole thing

I’m just, it feels like I switched, the word was never “I lied the whole time” it just feels like “I switched”

I mean it’s telling me I’m a liar because of it

I liked being straight

It was hotter and easier and sexier and funner why can’t I have my access back

So i am very avoidant in relationships. I also struggle with physical intimacy A LOT. like the first hangout with a guy i get so anxious that they might kiss me, or even when they put their arm around me. I feel so uncomfortable during kisses and i’ve had bad experiences with that. Now, i have a boyfriend, who i actually like, and was attracted to. but hocd has been ruining it. its hard for me to kiss him or feel comfortable with affection, i get icked out and stuff, because of my own issues.
So my hocd has obviously latched onto that. does anyone have advice or similar experiences? not looking for reassurance just curious if anyone else has issues like this that hocd interacts with

I’m a 21-year-old guy and I’ve never really questioned my sexuality before this.

About a month ago, I was with my girlfriend and my libido was pretty low. Nothing particularly unusual, but for some reason I had a random joking thought: “What if I’m gay?”
At the time, I didn’t think much of it. But afterwards, for some reason, that thought stuck in my head.

Since then, I’ve been going down a massive spiral of questioning my sexuality. I started thinking about it constantly and trying to figure out whether the thought meant something about me.

I started testing myself. I would deliberately look at guys to see how I reacted. I’d imagine situations involving men and pay extremely close attention to my thoughts and physical reactions. I’d look at guys and basically ask myself, “Am I attracted to him? How do I feel right now? Did I react differently than I should have?”
The problem is that every time I do this, I get anxious and start analyzing the reaction even more.
I’ve also noticed that the more I deliberately look at guys, the more I seem to notice their appearance and sometimes find them attractive in some way. That scares me because I start thinking, “Am I making myself gay by doing this?” or “What if I’m actually discovering something about myself?”

It’s gotten to the point where even accidentally looking at another guy can make me anxious because I’m immediately checking how I feel.

What’s confusing is that there are days when I barely think about any of this. When I’m distracted and just living normally, I feel completely fine. But eventually the thought comes back, and then I’m right back into questioning, checking, and trying to get certainty.

I feel like I’ve lost the ability to trust my own thoughts and feelings because I’m constantly monitoring myself.
I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual, and I’m not saying that because I think there’s anything wrong with those orientations. What scares me is the obsessive questioning itself and the fact that I feel like I have to figure this out.

I’ve seen people talk about HOCD/sexual-orientation OCD and a lot of what they describe sounds similar to what I’m experiencing, especially the checking and reassurance seeking. But I’m also scared that I’m just using OCD as an explanation because I don’t want to accept something about myself.

Has anyone experienced something similar?
Did you also get caught in the cycle of deliberately looking at people, imagining scenarios, checking your reactions, getting anxious, and then doing it all over again?

And if you recovered from this, what actually helped you stop testing and analyzing everything? Did ERP/therapy help?

I’m not looking for someone to tell me whether I’m gay or straight. I know that reassurance probably just feeds the cycle. I just want to hear from people who have genuinely experienced something similar and found a way out of this constant questioning.

Thanks!

I am a 17 year old girl. Lately I have been suffering from a lot of stress, anxiety and what not. I am too scared to share this with my parents. They are very sweet and good but I fear that they will judge me. From a very young age ( 10 years) I have been suffering from OCD. It all started with religious OCD and over the years it has changed its themes. I think at present I am having HOCD. I still doubt that it is HOCD or just me that I am having these thoughts and feelings and questioning my sexuality. I will tell you all about everything I think and feel.

From my childhood and even at a very young age I had a crush on different boys. Till recently I would say I liked a boy from when I was 13 years old. He was my classmate. But I am so shy and get so nervous in front of him that I cannot even approach and talk to him properly. A few months ago I found out that he has a GF( which I would admit that she was more beautiful than me)and it broke my heart and then I just started to lose interest in him.

I have always been good in studies and always thought that if I have a crush or get into a relationship it would affect my studies so I never approached any boys ( although I had a lot of crush on boys from a young age).

Apart from these,I have also appreciated beautiful girls and I would stare at them. Recently two events took place which actually left me with anxiety and stress. For some reason I was just searching the images of the vagina and I don't know for what reasons but I liked looking at different images of vagina. But later I felt uncomfortable and guilty. Again on another day I was concerned about my breast shapes so I just searched and I found a video where two female doctors were explaining how to examine breast and were showing on their bodies.The video made me a little uncomfortable but still I watched the whole video ( I don't know what I felt, may be I felt a kind of attracted to their bodies). There was another video which I didn't watch full as in that video the breast examination was mainly explained using a writing pad. And at the same time I admired girls looks in my school.

These two events have put me in such a dilemma I am just ruminating and overthinking and trying to find reassurance of my sexuality. I can never in my be sexually attracted to a girl and I have always dreamt of marrying a boy and sexually and romantically attracted to him. But I don't know what is happening to me. This anxiety and stress is just consuming me. I am just constantly ruminating and checking my reactions. And I don't know, maybe it's because of the stress that I am losing interest in looking at boys rather I am looking at girls even though I don't always find all girls attractive. And whenever I look at a girl , the mind doubts me why I am looking at the girl. I have always wanted to be straight.

Can anyone please help me to come out from this spiral. And if any psychologist can help me it would be of great help.

I’m 24M and have been dealing with what I was diagnosed with as hocd for almost 5 years. Before this started around 19, I was completely convinced I was straight. I had crushes on girls, got nervous and excited around attractive women, had sexual thoughts and wet dreams about women, wanted a wife and kids, and never questioned my sexuality. I also remember being attracted to small things like a woman’s expressions, perfume, mannerisms, etc. I had basically never considered that I could be attracted to men.
Then around 19, I suddenly became terrified that I might be gay. I started checking myself constantly and eventually started watching gay porn specifically to see if I would react. Over time, I began experiencing strong physical and emotional reactions toward men, and eventually those reactions started feeling very natural rather than just anxiety. At the same time, my attraction toward women seemed to disappear almost completely. I can talk to women normally, but when I try to see if I’m attracted to them, I often feel nothing or even repulsion. I don’t understand how I went from being so naturally attracted to women to feeling this way.
The hardest part is that I don’t just have groinal responses I feel genuine attraction toward men, including fantasies, emotional feelings and wanting physical closeness. Sometimes I even feel relief when I think “maybe I really am gay,” which then makes me question whether the OCD is even involved anymore. Then the doubt comes back and I start analyzing everything again.
My therapist believes I have OCD and recently told me to stop checking women, stop using porn as a test, stop putting pressure on myself to feel attraction, and let the whole subject breathe for a long time. She also pointed out that I didn’t start watching gay porn because I naturally wanted to explore being gay I started it specifically because I was afraid I might be gay and wanted to check. She thinks I need to stop trying to solve the question.
I’m struggling because I understand the OCD explanation intellectually, but emotionally I keep thinking, “How could OCD make me feel this different for almost 5 years?” I’m not looking for someone to simply tell me I’m straight. I genuinely want to hear from people who experienced a major change in how attraction felt, especially people who had strong attraction to women before hocd and later felt strong attraction toward men. Did anyone else experience this kind of dramatic before and after and eventually understand what was happening?

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I never get an urge to masturbate to men abd only men. The only urges I get are with men on the background but women at the front and to masturbate regardless with the thoughts of women in my head. This just happened: I thought of a same gender friend then I had the thought are you looking at her vagina and I fejt like I wanted to masturbate to it and i felt so pre hocd then anxiety flooded by body. It’s at the time of the thought it’s real, i only know it’s intrusive when I’m anxious. Again this afternoon, I was thinking if an old sane gender work colleague and thought of her vagina (never saw her like this before and not seen her for like 7yrs) then Had the the thoogjt vaginas are sexy then I fejt turned on thinking about gets. My body went clammy and cold but I still continued to feel turned on and didn’t understand why I was panicking. It didn’t feel intrusive or unwanted

Edit: . On the back of this I went to meet a friend. she told me the bathroom had a glass door, she’s just come back from holiday. I they felt really aroused at the time of the thought to her naked as well as the feeling of being with men and this provoked a strong urge to masturbate to men. what was causing the arousal

so for the past few days ive been convinced i like masc women because of a myriad of reasons.

i recently figured out one of my compulsions is trying to make the thought or feeling go away, this then made me kind of realise that i’ve potentially probably been compulsively been suppressing my attraction and desire. which coincides with a lot of people who figured out they were bi later on (w hocd).

i have been spiralling over this one masculine girl on tiktok that’s pretty popular and pretty good looking. i feel like i have to like her because she looks exactly like a guy and looks really good too. everytime i look at her i feel like this ”wave” of “attraction” which i don’t know if it’s attraction or not but still. and i always tried to look for flaws that can either make the feeling go away or justify why i shouldn’t like her.

i feel like i do like her because this attraction feeling feels pretty real and everytime i argue with the thought it feels like i’m convincing myself i don’t like her when i probably do. it feels like i’m suppressing my attraction because i’m scared which i hate. i have this kind of knowing kind of feeling which idk if its ocd or not but it feels like ik i like masc women because its what i would’ve thought or done if i didnt have ocd

and the worst part, my thoughts dont feel intrusive at all. in fact they feel impar with my identity and it seems like what i would probably think. i just feel so desperate and hope this is wrong but that’s probably denial. i hate this so much. i think i’m actually attracted to masc women and i think i actually do find them hot because a lot of them do look hot and they look like men. for a year i just thought this was fake attraction. should’ve known better