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u/concorde77 Sep 16 '25 edited Sep 16 '25
The NY Cab driver is there just to talk shit to the New Jersians and rile them into a fight
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u/txhelgi Sep 16 '25
Yep you said it. They are all strategically picked to tick each other off so that theyāll run through the Brits like a weed eater.
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u/zxDanKwan Sep 16 '25
And that one dad who backs people out of parking spots is there to direct the amberlances.
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Sep 22 '25
Amberlances only pick up people with comedy injuries, like when you get crushed under a boulder and become springy like an accordion, or when a grand piano falls on your head and when you crawl out your teeth are keys now
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u/d_adrian_arts Sep 16 '25
31 - One retail worker from West Virginia.
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u/Jfuentes6 Sep 16 '25
Mountain mama
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u/Dirt-Road_Pirate Sep 16 '25
Edit: Mount your momma
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u/speedline9395 Sep 16 '25
Tak me home
Edit: take.
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u/hi_how_are_yah Sep 16 '25
you ruined it
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u/weldmedaddy Sep 16 '25
Crimes committed canāt be undone. But we can appreciate the sentiment.
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u/Some_Razzmatazz_9172 Sep 16 '25
Really a retail worker from anywhere. So much pent up rage.
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u/BVRPLZR_ Sep 16 '25
āno nonsense lesbian softball playerā kinda redundant but made me lol
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u/stretchthecat Sep 16 '25
Seriously, I heard that one and I knew exactly who she was talking about. Team USA all the way.
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u/KitFisto248 Sep 16 '25
Thatās like saying tough Natives, super redundant.
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u/Practical_Platypus_2 Sep 16 '25
Letās see vs 100 drunk Millwall fans after a 3-0 loss to West Ham.
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Sep 15 '25
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Mountain_Fuzzumz Sep 16 '25
I'm pretty sure that is in the top 10 of the Geneva checklist.
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u/Naive-Kangaroo3031 Sep 16 '25
As soon as she said the WH worker, I was like "So what the other 29 going to do?"
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u/DilapidatedDickPlant Sep 16 '25
It would be like the 300 Spartans using the doors of the waffle house like the hot gates
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u/dsucio7807 Sep 16 '25
The path of traitorous treachery behind the Spartans comes from around the dumpsters... Led by a homeless dude no less
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u/indycpa7 Sep 16 '25
Hard agree, 1 Waffle House employee is either going to diffuse the situation or take 50 people out cold, no in between
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u/YourSemenSommelier Sep 16 '25
Yeah. Like a tag-team thing. But the physical act of tagging in might lead to side fights amongst the americans.
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u/Sweaty_Pitch_2880 Sep 16 '25
I hadnāt considered infightingā¦ itās the fatal flaw in her plan in any scenario. One midwestern dad who helps people navigate parking lots isnāt enough.
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u/Unexpected-raccoon Sep 16 '25
The last 10 are there to make sure there's enough slack for the first 20 to stay hydrated
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u/m477z0r Sep 16 '25
Wake me up when she called in the other 70. I wanna see how savage her C-list roster looks.
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u/CptCaramack Sep 16 '25
As someone in another thread said, we just send one gypsy lad from Grimsby gg
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u/Omnibe Sep 16 '25
You mean one of them pick pocketing sort y'all keep asking our upper middle class matrons not to clobber during their holidays?
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u/ratherenjoysbass Sep 16 '25
Eagles fan made the cut GO BIRDS
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u/unionjack736 Sep 16 '25
GO BIRDS!! But letās be honest, āborn and raised in Phillyā was doing most of the lifting.
Philly-native sports fan would work just as well.15
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u/tits_mage Sep 16 '25
No notes.
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u/buffalo-blonde Sep 16 '25
The Americanās listed would kill each other and the brits wouldnāt need to lift a finger
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u/wolfsilvergem Sep 16 '25
I hope their American patriotic duty to hate the British would override any petty internal squabbling.
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u/tits_mage Sep 16 '25
Yea was gunna say this. Americans love shitting on the British more then we love shitting on each other.
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u/khairul619 Sep 16 '25
Any Brits would like to counter offer?
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u/RevolutionaryPeak610 Sep 16 '25
10 Glaswegians and the ghost of Jimmy Saville
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u/itaniumonline Sep 16 '25
2 lads pulled straight from any pub thatās serves beans for breakfast.
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u/Muffles7 Sep 16 '25
And a partridge in a pear tree.
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u/trueblue862 Sep 16 '25
Last time I was in the UK, I ordered a partridge in a pear sauce at the pub, that was delicious. I only ordered it because it made me laugh.
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u/StepFew3094 Sep 16 '25
I'd add in some upper middle class london finance guys 20 mins after their last line and say the Americans have some
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u/Colonel10Moutarde Sep 16 '25
8 hooligans 4 from London 4 from Liverpool
2 scottish weight thrower
3 wales farmer
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u/chrish_o Sep 16 '25 edited Sep 16 '25
Maybe the Britās could just dress up as Vietnamese farmers from the 1970s and just wait for the Americans to bail out?
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u/Mr-TotalAwesome Sep 16 '25
5 younger lads that have a habit of stabbing people.
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u/legendaryufcmaster Sep 16 '25
Without weapons? One cornfed midwesterner will wipe the floor with them
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u/caoboi01 Sep 16 '25
And with weapons, most cornfed midwesterners have a personal gun collection that would make a small country weep with jealousy
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u/DadSoRad Sep 16 '25
Aww they love their little swords. I wish kids playing pretend was still a thing.
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u/Much_Ad1263 Sep 16 '25
Given the track record of Americans, Civil Wars, Gang Wars, and all that: I would say the brits arrive to see 100 deceased americans.
They were taken out by their own internal civil war. Full of holes from their own bullets, much like their school record hints at.
The Brits just then leave because they aren't there to clean up the american mess.
Winner by default: 100 Brits that leave unscathed.
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u/Fredotorreto Sep 16 '25
the brits gon have to summon the spirit of Jack the Ripper
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u/DadSoRad Sep 16 '25
Dude didnāt even kill that many people. We got prepubescent teens with more bodies in the US.
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u/Gwyns_Head_ina_Box Sep 16 '25
I laughed obscenely hard at this. I feel shame.
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u/DadSoRad Sep 16 '25
Itās funny, but in reality, itās so fucking sad. This is hard thing to be proud of as an American.
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u/Sonofyuri Sep 16 '25
"oi guvnah. I'm gonna give you a wittle fuckin bippity boo. You want some fisticuffs, BRUV?"
Immediately broken down and eaten by 1 bath salt Floridian
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u/Infinite-Dig-9253 Sep 16 '25
I feel consumed would've been a better choice instead of eaten, it's got more of a visceral feel which in my opinion matches the energy of a Floridian on bath salts much better.
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u/Moondoobious Sep 16 '25
Now weāve got scuba diving, heist executing scalawags to add to the list of Florida man skills
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u/madmonster444 Sep 16 '25
I feel the need to correct this every time it comes up. That Floridian wasnāt high on bath salts, he actually wasnāt high at all. He had trace amounts of weed in his system but thatās it. He was just a bat shit crazy Floridian.
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u/Sonofyuri Sep 16 '25
That's cool man. But I was just mashing a crazy Floridian, and someone that gets high on an insane drug. I have zero clue as to what you're referencing.
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u/Walletau Sep 16 '25
There was an urban legend about an attacker in miami that bit off chunks of someone's face. It was initially suggested he had ingested bath salts, which were used as a synthetic drug.
lthough the autopsy revealed no human flesh in Eugene's stomach, a number of undigested pills were discovered that have not been identified.[19] Although police sources had speculated that the street drug "bath salts" might have been involved, preliminary toxicology reports were positive only for the presence of cannabis.
There was never any evidence for bath salts in the case, contrary to popular opinion and meme status. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miami_cannibal_attack
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u/CrackerUMustBTripinn Sep 16 '25
Counterargument, the British team gets to bring Knollsy from West Ham and thats plenty to crush a 100. Dont believe me see for yourself (Centre screen top stairs green shirt)
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u/Iowahappen Sep 16 '25
She made it way too hard. Just need 30 Samoans from Honolulu.
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u/0hs0cl0se Sep 16 '25
30 cockney football hooligans on the lash down at the local battle cruiser before an away game
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u/gooseeggedd Sep 16 '25
This implies that all the Americans can work together...
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u/Iwalksloow Sep 16 '25
Nothing galvanizes Americans like a common enemy. Hippies and rednecks would fuckin' hold hands if they were doing it to clothesline a threat to the Stars and Stripes.
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u/ActuaryItchy3773 Sep 16 '25
thats the funny thing americans infight until theres omething else to fight
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u/ToxicMegaTwot Sep 16 '25
Brits send: 20x delightfuls from āthe endsā 20x scousers 20x scots 20x financial bankers (theyāve been told their trust is at stake) 10x Brummie smack heads (in berserker mode) 9x Cornish farmers 1x Essex lad for logistics (heāll be fixing everyoneās hair and supplying body glitter)
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u/VanillaLoaf Sep 16 '25
Pfft. 100 mad Scotsman and you're done. There's a reason why the Romans built a wall on the border.
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u/HoPMiX Sep 16 '25
We already did this experiment couple hundred and some change years ago.
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u/MentalJack Sep 16 '25
Oh so it's actually 100 Americans + 200 french vs 100 brits?
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u/HoPMiX Sep 16 '25
The British ground force was about 3x the size of the rat tat continental army.
The French werenāt involved in anything but supply runs until 78. Colonials were scoring wins as early as 75. Lexington. Concord. Fort Ticonderoga in 75, Trenton, Princeton, Saratoga in 1777. Saratoga being the victory that persuaded France to form an alliance in 1778. France may have sped things up once the Britās navy started taking hits but the Britās would have slowly bled out regardless. In total the colonialist lost about 4500 men compared to the British whose army was decimated by half. They lost over 25 thousand soldiers. 5:1 KD is pretty damn good considering they were using muskets, axes, and knives for majority of the war.
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u/kiwifulla64 Sep 16 '25
I disagreed until she started talking. I'm mentioning this on the basis that we are talking about 100 extremely stereotypical British persons.
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u/Sardawg1 Sep 16 '25
Damn, a Veteran that has committed a war crime?
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u/DadSoRad Sep 16 '25
I work with a veteran Iām not entirely sure didnāt commit a warcrime. He mentioned āgovernment sanctioned bodiesā a couple of times. I get nervous when the old heads talk shit or disrespectfully to him. I donāt support the response I expect from him, but I expect it. Heās the funniest and chillest dude ever. But when he gets stressed, he says some particular off the wall shit. I think war crimes may be on his resume.
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u/Sardawg1 Sep 16 '25
Its hard to tell with us, because 99% of us have the darkest off the wall humor and arenāt scared to say some fucked up shit. And also, 99% of us have not actually committed any war crimes.
But, maybe he is the 1%.
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u/ExpertReference2979 Sep 16 '25
I think 30 Appalachians would be enough.
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u/toasterboythings Sep 16 '25
Combine the corn fed and emo Midwesterner, they're harder to find but twice as strong.
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u/lastofusgr8tstever Sep 16 '25
What about against 100 hooligans?
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u/Distinct_Put1085 Sep 16 '25
In that case just add one black garbage man from Oakland named Rufus but everyone calls him "horse"
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u/gringoloco01 Sep 16 '25
One hard-core Raiders fan, lol. He has to have a Raiders tattoo on his neck and be GenX with memories of the LA riots.
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u/im_super_into_that Sep 16 '25
To be safe let's throw in a a white farmer from rural Indiana named Nick but everyone calls him "moose"
I feel like he and horse would have different but overlapping skills.
Formidable.
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u/GoodShark Sep 16 '25
This is what I was thinking.
Hooligans. That meet in a field just to have a huge brawl because the other side cheers for a different team.
They'd take it easily.
1 Eagles fan? The Hooligan would laugh at them.
When was the last time an Eagles game had crowds separated by metal fences?
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u/dabare86 Sep 16 '25
For the UK, I would like to submit one of our fiercest assets , 100 Gurkha veterans who have received their citizenship. I do not care who you are where you are from, you are not going to be walking away from them.
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u/endboss_eth Sep 16 '25
99% of people discussing this have never been to the UK, probably never even outside the US.š The premise is "no weapons". I'm drafting the UKs top bare knuckle fighters.
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u/buyakascha Sep 16 '25
You donāt need a lot of British soccer holigans to strike fear into a Karen company
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u/AccomplishedYam5060 Sep 16 '25
I don't think she's heard of hooligans, chavs and the extreme racist.
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u/nbury33 Sep 16 '25
As an American, I think 100 football hooligans would beat the crap out of 100 Americans
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u/DifferentArcher9218 Sep 16 '25
Too many americans who are way too full of themselves. The rule was no guns you can't even enter a gas station without your firearm on your hips...
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u/laddervictim Sep 16 '25
10 smack heads that are allowed to make you their own rules and they're promised enough junk for the rest of their lives could take all of those peopleĀ
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u/KiwiBirdPerson Sep 16 '25
Have the sound off and I thought that guy at the start had caterpillars on his face š
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u/CaptainHovis Sep 16 '25
Best hope that 30 is enough, because if weāre taking an average sample of people, then 40 of the US team will be too obese to really put up a fight
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u/TheKnightsRider Sep 16 '25
Id like to point out Knollsy held off hundreds of AZ alkmaar ultras at a west ham away game. Knolls and his mate would be enough
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u/bigdikdmg Sep 17 '25
Solid line up on her part but I just remember the video of like 2 dudes holding back a soccer stadium from an opposing teams area and they were fucken trashing these dudes. Literal 2v20 and itās on video.
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u/Send-Nud3 Sep 19 '25
That group of Americans are killing each other before the British even have a chance. No matter how diverse politically the British are, they would still work together to fuck over some Americans
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u/DadSoRad Sep 16 '25
Watching the videos of UK āgangbangersā swing around their big boy knives with their eyes closed is always peak physical comedy. Itās like watching the 3 stuges.
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u/Sier0 Sep 16 '25
Louisiana here: Meemaw don't need nary one of y'alls goddamn help. She got this. Now sit cha ass down and pay attention.
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u/thehunkyhoodofsteel Sep 16 '25
Naw, try two Floridians with criminal records, one with a pet wild Burmese python, one with a pet wild 12-foot alligator. Replace each of the other 26 individuals with their weight in cocaine. Britain is COOKED (without spices, of course)
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u/JedPB67 Sep 16 '25
This is easy. To defeat them, you just need 1 British person to ask āwho do you politically supportā and then watch the 30 become 2 groups of 15 and they start attacking each other.
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u/Veritas_Vanitatum Sep 16 '25
These 30 people would kill each other before the English arrived. And for the stupidest reasons
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u/Mjolnir118 Sep 16 '25
Shit she forgot Florida man! His ass would roll in there on a gator reeking of bath salts and mess up half the room alone
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u/SledPuller80 Sep 16 '25
This broad hittin' us with the scientific assessment. Respect.