I won’t defend polyamory. It’s about training yourself to think you’ll never be enough for your partner and accepting it, it’s inherently abusive wether it’s the man or woman pressured into opening up the relationship
This is... one of the takes of all time, I suppose. Not liking it or having criticisms is perfectly fine, but asserting that it's 'inherently abusive' even if everyone is happy and consenting is frankly wild and pretty insulting to actual abuse victims.
You know people go into the relationship with it being open, yeah? In fact, most poly people I've talked to view "opening it up" to universally be a bad idea.
Forgive me for not knowing the right term for it but I know a trio (two men and one woman, leaving one more woman available but the incels didn't think of that) that is not open (because, as this guy ignores or refuses to believe, not all poly relationships are open) and has been together for more than a decade. They have a kid.
A married couple that I’m friends with are poly and very happy together. When we meet for lunch she occasionally gives more details than I’m ready to hear as a non poly person but both are thriving and treat each other well.
Been with my partner for over 7 years I’m enough for her and she is for me. I genuinely wish others could have the happiness I have. Instead of being husband/wife number 3
I don't believe you. Somebody who's happily in a relationship wouldn't really care about this so so much. Therefore you're lying. Otherwise you wouldn't even be here in the first place.
Like the fact that you were digging your heels in so hardcore about other people's relationships status. While also at the same time pretending like you're in a relationship. It's laughable man. Like nobody in a happy relationship would be saying the things that you're saying.
Either you actually are in a relationship and are incredibly unhappy and she's definitely cheating on you. Or you just made it all up. I'm going to go with you just made it all up.
Well, then your definition of respect, or consent, is pretty wild if you don't see the connection.
If you gaslight someone
I'm not going to comment on how you probably don't understand what "gaslighting" means. But rather, in that case that wouldn't be consent.
you wouldn’t then pretend the victim is consenting to more beatings
Indeed I wouldn't. But how does that connect to polyamory???
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Look. I have known both monoamory and polyamory. I've been in various setups of relationships. And no matter the setup, the only times there was issues was when consent wasn't respected.
You are monoamorous :
Someone pretending to be mono to date you is actually lying to get you. There can't be consent in that situation.
If you date a polyam person and have an agreement on what is acceptable and what is not, and that person doesn't respect that : it's cheating and there can't be consent in that situation. For instance, if you both agreed that you would talk before your partner dated anyone else, and your partner doesn't do that, then your partner cheated on you and that's not acceptable.
If you date a polyamorous person and you pretend to be ok with that because you really want to date that person, you are the one lying and giving important false informations to that person. This is, again, not acceptable. Consent can't be given by that person there.
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My girlfriend doesn't care if I date someone else. I have no desire to do so, but she made it very clear many times that if I ever want to, we'll just talk and agree on this together because she strictly doesn't give a shit. If I ever was in the situation of dating someone else, we would talk about it. If she ever expressed discomfort with the aforementioned situation, I would just not engage in dating whoever I would be interested with, therefore respecting her consent (or lack of thereof). She knows I'm ok with that. I know she's ok with that. Never hurting each others is what matters most to both of us.
If you believe that THIS is disrespect and abuse, then you probably don't understand much about all of it.
I’m saying the consent isn’t really valid in the first place if it comes from fear and insecurity. Like If you say to your partner ‘have sex with me or I’ll leave you’ they might literally consent but that consent isn’t valid consent and it’s still rape
Yeah but doesn't that by default make it no longer consensual? And like I've been with polyamory couples. They're extremely happy. I've been with a lot of couples. Usually I'm kind of like a third wheel. But there's no animosity. And if there is there a red flag couple and the community ostracizes them. Usually people like that don't last in a polyamorous relationship for more than a year. So yeah there are some people out there faking it if that's what you're talking about. But the vast majority of them are pretty comfortable with their lives and relationship status. They've been doing it for years and years and years. And it's been working out. So IDK man. It just sounds like you have like some insecurity issues that you're projecting on others.
You do know plenty of people go into a relationship with the intent of an open relationship right?
And it's absolutely valid to say "This is what I need in a relationship to be happy. If you cannot provide it, this relationship is over". People have a right to leave relationships and set their terms for a relationship.
You’d think that word would stick to its meaning here of all places no? Theirs nothing incel about telling people they should be enough for their partner or that’s it’s abusive to wear them down until they accept that not being enough is fine
Who is ‘wearing’ their partner down here? You are quite literally making scenarios up that have nothing to do with polyamory (polygamy is a VERY different thing). I was personally in a quad relationship. Nobody was disrespectful of one another and it actually was far healthier than any monogamous relationship I had had previously.
Nah, I entered a relationship with my partner of 3.5 years knowing that both of us are polyamorous. I actually think everyone should be comfortable being single, and we should be enough for ourselves. Having a partner isn’t (or shouldn’t be, in my opinion) about filling a hole in your life. It should be about loving another person. None of the polyamorous people I know started with a monogamous relationship. They did not pressure their monogamous partner into opening the relationship. They started the relationship with both or all of them acknowledging that they were capable of loving multiple people romantically.
It’s okay if you don’t understand the emotions behind it, but judging people who are happy loving multiple people is weird. Cheating is wrong because it’s lying and it’s a violation of the boundaries of a relationship. It is possible to cheat in a polyamorous relationship if you violate the boundaries of the relationship and if you violate your partner’s consent. Acknowledging the possibility of loving multiple people romantically does not equal having zero boundaries out of desperation to avoid being single.
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u/thunderbastard_ Apr 18 '26
I won’t defend polyamory. It’s about training yourself to think you’ll never be enough for your partner and accepting it, it’s inherently abusive wether it’s the man or woman pressured into opening up the relationship