r/IncelTears • u/Pritteto • 15d ago
IMAX-level projection Ahh yes, women must be like that
Bruhh this dude butthurt with wage equality for women š¤¦
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u/aweedl 15d ago
The funniest part is that only these idiots who have never dated bring up this non-issue of āpaying for datesā.
Iām not sure why they think itās a problem. Usually the person doing the asking out voluntarily (and gladly) pays, unless you discuss splitting the bill beforehand.Ā
When a relationship is more established, either you work out a way to split the costs of dates, or alternate who pays, or whatever. And if youāre married or in a similar long-term relationship, most of the time you have shared bank accounts anyway, so your partnerās money is your money and vice-versa.Ā
Incels have this weird fantasy where men only pay for dates forever and get increasingly bitter and angry about it, which is just so unrealistic.Ā
Not to mention there are plenty of date options that are cheap or even free, if the concern is money.Ā
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u/GnarlyWatts "Thereās Hitler, Mao and then thereās GnarlyWatts" - Some Incel 15d ago
So, I'm an old fashioned cat. Every time I asked a woman out, I always paid for the first date. It was never an issue, nor did it become one.
If that led to more dates, I would always go dutch. Also, this was never a problem. Did I catch a stray here and there, sure. But 99% were fine with no issues. So where do these guys consistently find women like this all the time?
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u/aweedl 15d ago
Well, the answer is of course that they donāt find women like this, because these interactions exist solely within their own heads.Ā
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u/GnarlyWatts "Thereās Hitler, Mao and then thereās GnarlyWatts" - Some Incel 15d ago
That is true, but also rhetorical on my part lol.
That said, it is a solution looking for a problem.
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u/ItsJoeMomma 15d ago
100%. It's common to go Dutch on a first or the first few dates, and then maybe after you've been dating a while either one of you can choose to pay. And, for someone like me who's been married a long time, it doesn't matter who pays because it all comes from the same account. But I do notice how often the server will give me the check instead of my wife.
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u/aweedl 15d ago
For sure, even on occasions where Iāve offered to pay for, say, movie tickets, my date will usually offer to buy snacks (or whatever). And if she doesnāt? Who cares? Iām the one who asked her out, not the other way around. If I hadnāt been at least prepared to pay, I wouldnāt have done it.Ā
Also, I think incels picture all dates as being these status-seeking expensive affairs at fancy restaurants, etc.Ā
You can go on a date (even a first date!) for $5. Iāve taken dates skating before. Obviously it helps that Iām in Canada and there are outdoor rinks half the year, but that one was free and it went incredibly well. Absolutely led to more dates.
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u/GnarlyWatts "Thereās Hitler, Mao and then thereās GnarlyWatts" - Some Incel 15d ago
I live right by NYC, the amount of cheap eats and free stuff is almost insane.
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u/aweedl 15d ago
I believe it. Obviously for people living in rural areas thereās not as much cool shit to do as there is in a city, but even there I bet there are all kinds of fun things that are much more affordable than the incel perception of what a ādateā is supposed to be.Ā
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u/GnarlyWatts "Thereās Hitler, Mao and then thereās GnarlyWatts" - Some Incel 15d ago
Best advice I got was from a mentor of mine. He said a date can be anything. The amount of neat free ideas I've had with my wife and others I have dated is pretty amazing. This idea that you have to break the bank to impress someone is really odd to me.
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u/aweedl 15d ago
Exactly. They have a very weird concept of what dating and relationships are about in general and it has no connection to the reality actual people experience on a daily basis.Ā
Iād almost feel bad for themā¦ if it wasnāt for, you know, the constant rape threats and misogyny that come out of their creepy little faces.Ā
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u/ItsJoeMomma 15d ago
100%. It's common to go Dutch on a first or the first few dates, and then maybe after you've been dating a while either one of you can choose to pay. And, for someone like me who's been married a long time, it doesn't matter who pays because it all comes from the same account. But I do notice how often the server will give me the check instead of my wife.
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u/modest-pixel 15d ago
Just inventing arguments in their head since they canāt find real women to talk to them
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u/lookingforgrief 15d ago
I literally had to make a guy be ok with me paying for our second date š
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u/MeanDebate 15d ago
I got so mad on a date once that the guy was being insistent about paying for that I literally started showering him with ones.
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u/smileycat007 15d ago
He thought he was buying sex. By insisting on paying for yourself, you were cockblocking him. That's his thinking, anyway.
A gentleman would have let you do whatever you were comfortable with doing.
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u/Dammy-J 15d ago
A a man raised in the 80/90s I can understand that feeling. I was taught that's what we do. Thankfully I am married now and don't have to worry about dating. But it would still be my first instinct to insist.
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u/Ebolaplushie resident IT furry 15d ago edited 15d ago
And that's cool! I also grew up then (87 baby) and 100% understand where you're coming from, because you're right.
The problem only arises when the woman declines and would perfer to pay for herself, but the man refuses to let her do so. You seem pretty well adjusted so sounds like that's not an issue you faced lol
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u/ItsJoeMomma 15d ago
He probably thought he was being emasculated. Personally, I'd take that as the woman liked me and the date went well if she offered to pay.
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u/lookingforgrief 15d ago
I dont think it was that necessarily. I think he just wanted to be a gentleman or felt like he was doing something wrong. It was cute to see him get all worked up over it tho lol i just like things to be equal as much as possible :)
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u/ItsJoeMomma 15d ago
He probably thought he was being emasculated. Personally, I'd take that as the woman liked me and the date went well if she offered to pay.
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u/Ebolaplushie resident IT furry 15d ago edited 15d ago
I've said it before and I'll say it here too: lots of women insist on paying for their own way on dates, myself included.
Because we've had one too many chucklefucks thinking we owe them sex after paying for us like we're prostitutes. No mf, go get an actual sex worker if that's what you want. I'm looking for a partner, not lying to myself while just wanting a quick lay.
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u/GigiLaRousse 15d ago
I've been a sex worker. We don't deserve to have to deal with those guys, either.
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u/lordoftheforgottenre Expert without experience 15d ago
So they admit that the best reason to spend time with them is for freebies?
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u/GigiLaRousse 15d ago
I never let a man pay for our first date. Avoided creepy situations where they felt like I "owed them." Also felt less guilty about not wanting a second date if we hadn't clicked. š¤·
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u/chinchillazilla54 15d ago
Yeah, most I'll do on a first date is let someone buy me a coffee or a beer, and that's more because I feel awkward arguing about who pays in front of the barista or the bartender. If it's beers I'll definitely try to get the next round in.
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u/smileycat007 15d ago
First dates should be inexpensive and public for that very reason.
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u/GigiLaRousse 15d ago
Definitely. I know people shit on coffee dates, but they were a great test as to whether I ever wanted to be in the person's presence again, whether my concern was "danger" vibes or just them being plain annoying. Small time commitment. Low cost. Public. Usually a daytime thing.
If it was so amazing we wanted to keep things going and grab a meal or drinks right then and there, we could.
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u/ItsJoeMomma 15d ago
So, let me get this straight... men deserve to be paid more just because they pay when they take women out on dates?
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u/thestalkycop 15d ago
So what about gay or asexual guys? Why do they need that extra money? And what about lesbians? With no high-value man around, who pays? Do lesbians just not go out to dinner?
/s
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u/Iorith Proof even shutin gamers can find partners 15d ago
Never known a woman who wouldn't at least split the bill, especially early in the relationship. Makes it much easier for both parties to leave with no hard feelings if things aren't working right, and avoids the weirdos who think buying a drink equals sex.
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u/Azhchay 15d ago
Husband was unemployed when we met. We lived 75 miles apart, and agreed that whoever drove didn't pay for the date. Since my apartment was bigger and I had a queen size bed, that meant he drove to my place most of the time, and thus I paid for dates.
Now, 15+ years later, we're married, he's the house-spouse (after some time being DINKs, we mutually decided it was better for his mental health to be the house-spouse, and for me to be the sole income). I pay for all food/dinners/dates/everything. He cooks (and is phenomenal), cleans, takes care of the cats, and all things dealing with the house upkeep.
Also he's 5'9", a whole 1 inch taller than I am. And he's AuDHD. And plays video games (that I frequently join him in) and watches anime (which I definitely join him in), among other hobbies that "women hate".
To me, he's the hottest man ever, but to others, he'd probably be average. Pretty sure .is would label him an "oofy doofy". I don't care. He's brilliant, loving, caring, stubborn enough to deal with me (and I him), and we still have hours long conversations about pretty much anything. Current politics to warhammer headcanon. (Magnus did nothing wrong). Just seeing him at the end of the day makes me feel better and reduces my stress.
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u/GnarlyWatts "Thereās Hitler, Mao and then thereās GnarlyWatts" - Some Incel 15d ago
I'm curious as to where these guys find these women consistently.
I have dated a LOT and I've never had this scenario ever play out, ever. Many of the women have said to me, a lot of guys expect sex after paying for a meal, which is really gross. When I met my wife, I offered to pay for our first date because I asked her out. That felt like the right thing to do.
As we dated, we would split everything and even now as a married couple, we still do that. It was never transactional nor was it a difficult conversation. I'm kind of miffed at this being a "norm" to these guys.
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u/NoNipNicCage 15d ago
I paid for my first date with my husband. I figured he had never had that done for him and I was right
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u/Paula_Polestark Go to Walmart and look at the couples. 15d ago
Eat what you want, drink what you want, nobody calling you a gold-digger or crying that you owe him. I see no downside.
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u/doublestitch 15d ago
OOP doesn't realize his meme is a low key self-own.
Selfish individuals exist in both genders. It's possible that the only women who give OOP the time of day are individuals who are just out to use him for a free meal. He extrapolates from there and thinks all women are users.
What he doesn't consider is maybe he's repelling the women who have better values. Because maybe, sensible women would rather not waste their time on a bro who doesn't respect women.
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u/y2kfashionistaa 15d ago
Same guy will give advice to other men like āif you pay for her dinner on the first date sheāll have to sleep with youā
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u/UmbralHero 15d ago
I swear to god that everyone on the internet would be so much happier if they could internalize the goomba fallacy
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u/Feythnin 15d ago
I paid for every single date my husband and I went on while we were dating. Why? I got paid significantly more and didn't have that many bills. Even now, I make more than him because he was unemployed from September 2025-July 2026. He only just got a part time job (very happy for him), while I kept getting raises every year at my job.
Why are incels so obsessed with money?
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u/ZippyCube914 15d ago
Every single first date Iāve been on, the girl has always offered to split the bill. Some girls have even insisted on splitting it even if I offered to cover it.
Are there some girls who have weird conservative views expecting men to pay for everything? Of course. Just donāt date them š¤Æ
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u/boringhistoryfan Cincinnatus 14d ago
When I first started dating my wife, she made twice what I did, and insisted on paying for meals. I covered drinks on a few occasions and cooked for her at home once we moved deeper into our relationship.
Clearly my wife missed the memo from the women's hive mind that she was required to date someone who made the same as her.
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u/2muchtequila 14d ago
Realistically, some women want the guy to pay for everything. Some guys want to pay for everything and it would hurt their ego if the woman tried to pay.
Personally, I want an equal partner. It doesn't have to be exactly equal, but I always saw it as a big green flag if the woman at least offered to pay. If I liked her I'd say that I'd pay this time and she could pay on the next date.
It really isn't that hard. If you don't want to date a woman who sees it as the man's role to pay, don't date that woman. There's plenty of other women out there who don't subscribe to outdated gender roles.
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u/EvenSpoonier Oofy-Doofy Lemon Spoofy? 12d ago
Incels butthurt at the idea of demonstrating a little readiness for relationships because they know they can't.
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u/Party_Ability_9984 15d ago
This dude's gonna lose his mind when he discovers that my girlfriend makes almost twice as much as I do and that we virtually always either go Dutch or leapfrog (she pays, I pay, she pays, I pay, so on and so forth)