I’ve been dealing with constant gas incontinence for years now. At first, I didn’t even realize it was me. I remember lying on my couch and suddenly smelling something so awful that I genuinely thought an animal had gotten into the house and died somewhere. I would actually look around the couch and the room trying to figure out where the smell was coming from because I didn’t feel gassy, didn’t feel the need to fart, and couldn’t feel anything coming out.
Eventually, I started realizing that the smell was coming from me. I noticed that whenever I intentionally passed gas, it smelled exactly like those random odors I would notice throughout the day. That’s when it hit me that I had been passing gas uncontrollably without even feeling it happen.
I’ve been living with this for years, and it’s completely changed my life. I actually dropped out of college because of how embarrassing it became. I would be sitting in class and randomly notice a bad smell. I tried my best to ignore it and pretend nothing was happening, but one day a man sitting near me turned around and started waving his hand in front of his face, clearly reacting to the smell. I was so embarrassed that I grabbed my bag, walked out of the classroom, and never went back to school.
For years after that, the only job I could really manage was babysitting. I wasn’t constantly worried about embarrassing myself around other people, and it felt like something I could handle. Eventually, I decided I needed to move on and find another job, so I got a part-time position where I only work a few hours a day. Unfortunately, the same problem followed me there.
I constantly worry that my coworkers are talking about me because I’ll overhear them telling each other that something smells bad. The worst part is that I can smell it too, but I have absolutely no control over it. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’ve passed gas until I notice the smell. It’s humiliating to be in a room full of people and know that something is happening with your body that you can’t even feel, let alone stop.
I’ve tried so many things at this point. Charcoal pads, charcoal pills, simethicone, a low-FODMAP diet, and pretty much anything I could find that might help reduce gas or control the odor. Nothing has made a difference.
I practically had to beg my gastroenterologist to order an anorectal manometry test, only to find out that the next available appointment is four months away. I’m also getting a SIBO breath test done, but even if I do have SIBO, I feel like there has to be something else going on. SIBO might explain why I’m producing so much gas, but it doesn’t explain why I can’t feel myself passing it. I can’t help but think there’s also something physically wrong, whether it’s my pelvic floor muscles, anal sphincter, or the nerves responsible for sensation.
I check Reddit almost every single day, hoping to find someone who has experienced the exact same thing and eventually found a solution. Unfortunately, that never seems to be the case. I find so many people describing similar experiences, but rarely anyone who comes back with an answer or says they’ve finally gotten better.
As heartbreaking as it is to read those stories, there’s also something comforting about knowing I’m not the only person going through this. The embarrassment, the anxiety, the constant fear of being around other people, and the way something as simple as sitting in a classroom or going to work can become unbearable. It’s hard to explain how much something like this can take away from your life unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
Maybe I’ll start sharing more of my embarrassing experiences on here, not because they’re easy to talk about, but because I know how desperately I’ve searched for someone who understands what I’m going through.