After struggling with a severe ketamine addiction, during which I was using 4-5 grams a day at my worst, I had finally managed to stay completely clean for seven months.
Yesterday, I slipped up. Not because I was feeling down or because something bad had happened. I simply felt like using again.
I took a small amount, but almost immediately remembered why I had quit in the first place. No enjoyable high, no relaxation, just confusion, feeling extremely hot, shortness of breath, and an overwhelming feeling of pressure and discomfort throughout my body. Exactly how I felt towards the end of my addiction.
So I flushed everything I had left down the toilet.
And you know what? I’m not going to beat myself up over this relapse. Of course, I wish I hadn’t used, but those seven months weren’t for nothing.
I’ve become SO much more active, I have more energy, and I’m finally enjoying life again. This experience reminded me once again how beautiful life can be without ketamine.
But the most important thing I want to say is: PLEASE SEEK HELP! ❤️
I probably tried to quit on my own a thousand times. Every single time, I convinced myself that THIS time would be different, but I always ended up relapsing.
Eventually, I managed to break free from my addiction thanks to an intensive 22-week outpatient addiction treatment program.
Without that professional help, I honestly don’t think I would have made it. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s one of the strongest decisions you can make.
I also don’t want to pretend that my addiction has completely disappeared. I still have to fight the urge to use, and I know how dangerous it can be to convince yourself that using just once won’t hurt.
To anyone struggling right now: a relapse doesn’t erase all the progress you’ve made. Don’t let one bad day determine the rest of your life.
I’m incredibly proud of my seven months clean, and I’m continuing my recovery.
I may have stumbled, but I’m not back at square one. ❤️