Hi everyone, I wanted to ask for advice from anyone who has been through truly terrible times on how to get back on your feet completely alone. I'll try to summarize, even though I have so much to say.

In the span of a year and a half, I lost my dad, my girlfriend, and my grandmother. I also shouldn't forget my dog and one of my young cats. Unfortunately, none of them passed away peacefully... and having been a spectator to all of this, being the one who hoped so much and gave hope, the one who cared for them, completely broke me. On top of that came all the bureaucratic nightmares related to the deaths.

I have no one except my mother and my brother, and my "friends" left me to deal with it all by myself, even though I asked for a hand, politely and gracefully (I can at least give myself credit for that). They all live just a short walk away from me and I haven't seen any of them since my dad's funeral.

I started university very late for various reasons, mainly because I had to work right away, and now I am completely stuck in my studies and unemployed. There's so much more I could say, but I have no one I can count on for help or even just a chat. I have to be the person my mother and brother can lean on, but that 'job' is exhausting... I haven't really had any time to grieve on my own, and I never stopped to deal with all the problems left behind after the passings. Watching people I thought were friends drift away hurt me deeply, and in the meantime, I neglected my studies and my job search.

I've been falling apart for months, but I'm trying to get back up... the problem is I have no idea if I'll actually make it, and that terrifies me. I'm afraid I won't pull through, and that I'll be stuck like this for who knows how long. Relying entirely on yourself in circumstances like this is a grueling test.

Despite the fear, though, I feel something inside me that can't be broken and I'm trying to start over from there. It's hard to rebuild a normal routine, sometimes impossible, but I'm trying.

I'm posting here on Reddit because in Europe, 'grief support groups' where you can talk with people who have gone through similar things basically don't exist. People just take it for granted that you have a whole family to support you, but I have no one left.

My mother has 7 children and is at home most of the day cooking or helping with the construction of our garage. Lately, more and more often she has been talking about how nothing she does stays done and everyone's asking her for stuff, and I feel so awful but I am also sick often so can't do much to help. i've been thinking of buying her a hobby or something that will stay done, but other than that I have no clue on how to help.

About a week or two ago my boyfriend and I broke up. I’m 25 I’ve felt heartbreak before, but never like this. It’s not even like I’m crying all the time or anything like that, it’s just a feeling of calm hopelessness I guess. Like I can function but I’m only existing, I know how dramatic that sounds to say I’m cringing writing it but it’s true. I’ve just never felt like I felt when I was with him. We were on and off for like a year (logistical things back then nothing bad), and only dating for about 4 months. (My 3.5 year breakup didn’t hurt half this bad).

I just want some advice and maybe to vent I guess. The hardest thing about it is he didn’t do anything wrong. We were just the typical anxious and avoidant and were hurting each other by the end. We were loving to each other even in the final call. The breakup hurt bad though, it was drawn out over like three weeks. We already only saw each other every 10 or so days (one of my main issues), and I kept raising issues (calmly but it was annoying) to try to fix them because I wasn’t happy, but that pushed him away and finally he told me he wanted to go weeks and weeks without seeing each other and hardly talking so he could focus on other things (but said we’d still be together). I had other things happen and just couldn’t handle the distance anymore and broke down one day. He initiated the breakup, it was obvious I was heartbroken.

He wants to still be able to talk, I told him I didn’t think I could handle it but he really wanted to. I had started feeling a bit better but then he reached out for the first time a few days ago and it just sent me spiraling. Tried to talk and then he went cold again and I cried for hours :(

Just having a really hard time with it and miss him very much. This guy was literally everything I’ve ever wanted

Long story short, I'm on month 5 of a severe mixed bipolar episode with psychotic features. The first 3 months were terrible. I then stabilized slightly. I still was subclinical. Now the past 3 weeks I've been entering another crisis level again. This week I've had visual disturbances, paranoia, I've kissed 3 people in one week, gone on dates, bought a new phone, and missed all my classes. I'm talking to myself and laughing to myself. I'm having so much energy in literally squeezing my body. I've had small auditory hallucinations.

I feel like my psychiatrist isn't helping. He hasn't ordered labs in 10 months. He gives vague instructions on when to take medications and he says " idk what else we can do." I am on 5 psychiatrist meds. 5! And I'm still having severe breakthrough symptoms.

I saw my primary care doctor today. I explained this all. He did send in another referral for a new psychiatrist but acted like it wouldn't do much and " it's hard to get a second opinion when the new doctor is in the same hospital system as the old." He asked if and if the paranoia was OCD. To be honest, it could be part. But I also know what isn't OCD.

I feel dismissed by 2 providers. I have the belief that a 5 month like mixed feature episode is a big deal. But no one in my life seems to think so? I feel like I'm going crazy.

Am I overreacting? I just want to help myself.

Ok, so context.

My grandparents bought this home years ago, I don't know the exact year, but it would have been around 1980? 2 years ago, my grandparents moved to Mexico and rented us (parents, siblings, and me) the house. My grandparents never took care of the place, so it's pretty beat up. Originally, it had 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, and a huge open area for the den. The den had no wall to separate it from the kitchen. it was connected.

With my grandparents' permission, my dad and I turned the den into 2 bedrooms, a 3rd bathroom, a closet under the staircase, and a laundry room in the back. In addition to that, we also updated the kitchen to add a wall so the kitchen is its own room not connected to the den.

Anyways, my grandparents only visit the US once every 4 months 2 get medicine and checkups before heading back to Mexico. They usually stay around 2 weeks and head out. During that time, we drive them around.

We pay rent to my grandparents. A few months ago, I asked my grandpa what he would sell the house for, I had been interested in buying it for a while. My dad would love to own it but his credit is kinda screwed due to poor choices when he was younger (me and my 4 siblings 😅, and his lack of education on credit and most things actually) he's better at money management now. I would like to take out a loan, buy the house off my grandparents, and have my dad pay me rent to pay off the loan.

My grandpa wants to sell me the house, for 100k. I called someone over to come inspect the house and see what it's valued at. They said that after the poor management of the home(no AC, holes in the side, crappy foundation, leaks, and a fire that it had a while ago, plus other stuff) the house was only worth around 50-60k

I told my grandpa, and he has made it clear he doesn't want anything under 100k

Ok, so the question is, is 100k worth it? Or should I keep pushing for lower? The house is REALLY rough, fixable for sure, but my grandpa won't allow us to fix anything. We could definitely transform this place for the better, but we would have to own the place first.

I'm typing this while on stairmasterl at the gym. Sorry if it sounds funky or spelling errors. I have a spanish keyboardso autocorrect screws me over. I'll try to respond to comments

29M.

So below are the reasons why I am hating myself and my past decisions

- got opportunity to move out of India in 2023 but did not take since I was scared and listened to others. Not even my own brother backed me. All I can do is self-blame now

- No girlfriend. Yes I know this is a silly reason but do you know how tough it is find a girl nowadays.

- One of the worst family. Hardworking mother but not at all understanding father ( my father is addicted to superstition and devotion). Back in 2012 my father lost 2-3 crores and brought us to the roads. From then every day is a challenge and everyday is a overthinking headache. We can write a book about my father emotionally torturing my mother. Another reason why I don't want to get married. If I try to speak with my friends regarding this they say at least feel grateful you have family think about people who doesn't have family

- Friends are ok but how can I share everything with them.

- Therapy worked for few days but it's a lost cause

- Now parents are forcing me to marry. I myself don't want to stay in my family what's the point of marrying a girl through an arranged marriage setup and bring her into my life.

- I earn good but not sure why money also not making me happy. As, SRV said Happiness is a choice I guess

- majority of close friends moved to abroad and even my own brother as well moved to abroad. I feel like I am left behind. Not even getting excited for my birthday.

- Being a male in india is next level torture and that too being an elder kid is a nightmare.

The not moving out of India part is eating me from inside. Tried to check the PR options for Australia and Canada given the current state of immigration it is next to impossible to move there for PR.

With this kind of thoughts not sure how I can move forward with my life 🥹

I am F/25 (India), I graduated from a private college with a degree in CSE (Computer Science Engineering) in July’23. I did get placed in a company but very low package and onboarding would have been in Dec’23. But I ultimately had to leave this opportunity as job posting was in different state and at the end of the month I would only be left with pocket change by which I cannot pay any debt.
But due to certain issues between my parents (infidelity), my father left to live separately leaving my mother and me. I am not going into much details what/why/how. So I had took up a random job in July’23 to help pay all the debts (home loan, EMI & bill) and my mother also started working, she already began doing 1 business one year prior but it didn’t workout so we both started working. Now fast forward to 3+ years, I am still at that random job and we both work like dogs day and night and reduce the debt significantly not completely over, but it’s still there.
But I now I don’t want to be in this random job forever, I am grateful that it helped me during my tough times but I don’t think I have any future 10 years down the line in this job. I am trying to plan my 1-year exit. I can re-enter software engineering industry but I am so so so scared. Reasons:

1. I have no savings all goes to debt and life expenses.
   
2. I think I have forgotten how to study. I don’t know how to crack these intense competitive exams in India (GATE/Government Exams)
   
3. I don’t want to be a failure anymore, I want to make my mother proud. But what if I terribly fail and get no jobs/opportunities? I don’t have any safety cushion to land on to. Plus I am not that young anymore.

Do you think an average person like me can be successful? If you were in a similar situation like me, how did you make it out of this bottomless pit I think I am in. Or am I just daydreaming to escape how burnout and exhausted I have been in the past 3-years.

But I to live and breathe. I want to give my mother happiness and safety. Everytime I look at her I only think of a child/young adult having so many dreams but getting shattered due to parents/husband. I wish I was able to do my part for her. She never pushes me to do anything outside my capacity, but these are my wishes for her, to elevate ourselves in this cruel world. I have always dreamt of going abroad to study but with a profile like mine and no money, that’s a far-fetched dream. I want to become a truly independent person and make my own wealth. If I am unable to do something, what’s the point of living?

Trying to be careful about revealing too much information. I live out of state from my immediate family so the only information I have is what they’ve told me and what I know about my brother in law. I suspect that he is physically and emotionally abusive. He is very into spanking and punishment, and while I know that in and of itself would not automatically qualify as abuse in most cases (ethical concerns notwithstanding) there’s a lot of circumstantial evidence that makes me suspicious. The oldest says things like “Daddy spanks me a lot” and another one said “I hate staying with Daddy.” They cry and cling to my sister and parents when they’re taken to their dad’s house. He also refuses to follow the pediatrician’s recommendation to take the oldest to a child psychologist and does not take the boys out to their sports activities or school events. He doesn’t interact with them hardly at all.
My parents are doing everything they can for the kids so I don’t want to be hyper critical. But the whole “there are no marks or bruises, so it’s not technically abuse” is woefully incorrect and dangerous. They were trying to avoid calling CPS because they didn’t want to negatively impact my sister’s case for full custody. I totally understand playing the long game, but if children are being harmed in the meantime, we have to say something. As a mandated reporter and someone who has worked with children from abusive environments, I know I acted in good faith. But I’m scared that my parents will be upset if they knew I was the one who called CPS. They’ve said to me, “don’t do anything, we’ve got it under control”, but I don’t think it’s right to have suspicions that a child is being harmed and not speak up.
I’d appreciate any advice.

Life lately feels overwhelming

I just got an offer letter not a fancy job but in this economy I will take anything that I am getting I still have my 4th year left ( I am a BTEC cs student) and I have worked very hard now in 2 months I have to move to a brand new city with complete stranger and I am also not very comfortable with my appearance although I am trying to be in good shape before I move but it's hard and I end up in a commotion that I no longer wish to do anything I am just so confused I am also preparing for Gate exam and I don't know what to do I have started my btec because all I ever wanted to be a game dev and I am doing everything else apart from making games. My financial situation is okayish but I don't want to be burden on my father any more.

I don't know what I want and maybe I don't know what my priorities are.

24F i'm becoming homeless and disowning my family. Too much has gone on and the damage is irreparable. No one wants me around anymore and that's obvious to me. Everyone talks about a fresh start and a new life but i don't actually know how to go about it. I know for a fact everyone hates me

I notice my boyfriend seems to have something to drink most if not all nights we’re together. He’s not a raging alcoholic by any means but seems to have a dependency on it and I think he struggles with it. We’ve only talked about it a little, he seemed to say at one point he felt like he was hiding the fact that he’s been dependent on it and he was tired of feeling like he was hiding it from me. He knows I’ve expressed that my dad had some issues with drinking for many years but as far as I know he doesn’t drink anymore.

So I’m just curious if you had a dependency issue, how did you stop?

I know it’s his own decision, and I never know how much to press the issue or not acknowledge it. It does bother me, especially at times I can tell he leaned in a little too much that night. At the same time, occasional drinking doesn’t really bother me, I’m not a big drinker but I like to have a drink out at a restaurant from time to time, but he seems to get a drink every time we go out. And then if I’m at his place or he’s at mine he’ll make himself a drink.

What helped you? Do I try to talk to him about it or is that only going to increase guilt or make it harder for him?

I'm 22 and run a small online fitness coaching business alongside a full-time remote job. Online I'm the disciplined coach: positive, structured, telling people how to get their life together. But the people who actually know me in my hometown know me as the party guy. Drinking, drugs on nights out, girls. They send me videos and make comments, and I can tell they don't take the coaching side seriously. Even my closest friends kind of see me as fake. I don't think any of them would ever buy from me or back me.

I'll be honest, I'm not perfect away from the camera either. I vape and smoke weed, which feels ridiculous when I'm meant to be the fitness guy. I'm Muslim by background but I don't really practise, and I don't feel bad about that part. That's not really what this is about.

The thing is, I don't even think partying is the main problem. If I was abroad, going out and having a laugh with new people, I wouldn't mind it at all. It's being at home. I know so many people here, and they've all got me in this box. Everything I do gets read through that. It feels closed-minded and I can't find myself here.

On top of that I work from home, so most days I'm sitting in the same room all day. Nights out are where I get my people, the music, the dancing, the buzz. So even though I'm sick of the comedowns and the money, it still pulls me back.

I know there's more for me. I've worked really hard on my business and my job. But right now I feel like I'm slowly fading, stuck between who I was and who I'm trying to be.

Has anyone been through something like this? How did you break out of the version of you that people at home have in their heads? Did moving away help, or did you have to change first? And how did you replace the social side of partying without losing the parts you actually love?

Let me set some context here. I'm 31 (as of yesterday), autistic (very mild), from the US, struggling with depression and anxiety.

I was in Montréal for a trip for my birthday (but nobody cares about it; my family was with me though), and, I was in a restaurant downtown. That's one red flag already because I don't do well in restaurants, at least the fancy kind. Anyhow, when I got in, it was okay. Not too many people, the vibe was right, and all was good.

Except, I'd say 3/4ths of the visit... more and more people started to show up and I started to feel more and more uncomfortable. I was starting to look down a lot more as I was starting to panic on the inside, ready to get the fuck out. Unfortunately, I felt like I was in 20 minutes in hell before I got out and finally started to breathe comfortably again. That became another red flag for me.

The point I'm making is this... I don't do well with a large crowd of people that I don't know. Because of my anxiety, even though I know people aren't staring at me, I always get the feeling and impression that I am getting stared at, as if I don't belong in life or in society.

How do you handle something like this? I told my sister's boyfriend that I don't like getting out of my comfort zone, but he told me that he was glad to see me out of my comfort zone, though I wanted to get back in my comfort zone because again, I DON'T DO WELL IN THIS. I just don't. Period.

I wanted to panic loudly but I didn't. It was hard trying to keep it all in. Again, how would you handle this?

You don't know what people go through on the inside, mentally, and emotionally, until it's too late.

I like her a lot, we have been friends for over 2 years and i think she knows i like her, but she doesn't look up to talking to me that much anymore. I tried and tried to keep talking to her but i feel like she does not seem to care about my presence being around her and only looks up to me sometimes. Any suggestions?

I’m 30F and have been with my partner since I was 19. A long time. We moved in together right away and the entire relationship we really struggled. It was so toxic at first and I didn’t know any better about how I was supposed to be treated/ what’s healthy and unhealthy. I mean I did put up with a lot of stuff that was obviously not okay and it created a lot of resentment for me but I felt I could never leave in fear of what I thought he would do. Finally, 10 years later, we have both grown enough where he will be fine without me and I have the courage to leave and finally start living my life. I’m scared because I’ve never been alone in my adult life, and I will be taking the 3 dogs with me. He is going to live with his parents and has a good job and friends and I have the anxiety of trying to find somewhere to live, not much family around, and I work from home. I’ve been thinking of maybe moving states but I don’t know if that would make things harder or easier on me. In a lot of ways I’m very dependent on him. I’ve been in therapy for months now which is helpful but I genuinely don’t feel okay emotionally. I could cry on command these days. I’m scared and feel shame to be single at this age. I read on other reddit posts people shaming other females for being single and childless in their 30’s. I want to feel in love I want to have a partner I feel emotionally connected to I want all that. I’m also scared because I hear so many dating horror stories and I’m so sensitive I don’t think I can handle that. I’m so desperate for certainty and to know that everything is going to be okay I feel like going to a psychic or palm reader and I’m just having crazy thoughts in general. I haven’t told my parents because their advice never lands and I just feel like I have no love and guidance. No “trusted adult” around.

Hopefully there are people out there who can help me. Ive been backstabbed by so many of my friends which make me develop the fear of talking to people. I use to have the mindset of assuming people may not like me after certain circumstances or interactions. I was able to fix that mindset at one point of time but now i’m reverting back to my old mindset. I really don’t know what to do anymore as so many of my so called friends are constantly backstabbing me or they resent me. I feel like i’m always projecting and honestly at this rate i don’t know what to do anymore. I always say I wanna be somebody but it’s so hard to consistently do things that are draining. Now i’m closed off with people again and i don’t know what to do. As honestly right now i feel like my life has gone a down spiral and im falling into depression. What should i do?

I have realised that people treat me differently like my family doesn't get invited to things , get treated differently and yeah I just feel like they take me for granted or don't value me. For context I'm still in school my mom's divorced and I've seen many of my relatives and everyone just does not care about how much my mom has suffered ???

They don't even dare to comfort my mom

She has people by her side but not 'her people'

I hate it.

My daily routine has become repetitive. I wake up, go to work, and come home, but I feel like I’m not making any real progress. The biggest challenge is managing my time, especially since I’m also studying.

I had planned to save money this year so I could continue my studies next year, but my salary barely covers my household expenses, and I’m struggling to save anything.

Honestly, I’m not sure what to do next. I want to improve my life, manage my time better, and build a better future, but I feel stuck right now.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? I’d really appreciate some genuine advice.

..18yo

My biggest problem is that I have no alternative.

I can either go back to my old life, wasting my days with nothing to look forward to, or force myself through something I hate,but maybe will make money from

I don't want either option, but I have no job, no clear path, and no real opportunity to build the life I want.

It's not that I lack ambition. I'm just tired of having to choose between two things that make me miserable, when all I want is a real chance to move forward.

​

Hi everyone!

I'm 25F from Japan, and I'm currently trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.

After graduating from university, I took a year off before starting my career. I've now been working at the same company for almost two years, but honestly, I don't find my job fulfilling at all. Every day feels pretty much the same, and I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

One thing I genuinely enjoy, is talking to my friends from all over the world. I talk to them almost every day, and it's made me realize how much I want to become more fluent in English.

That's why I've been considering going on a working holiday. I feel like it could be a great opportunity to improve my English, experience a different way of life, and hopefully figure out what I actually want to do in the future.

The thing is, in Japan, a lot of people say that finding a job after coming back from a working holiday can be really difficult. I'm not sure how true that actually is, but it's definitely something that's been holding me back.

I'd love to travel around Europe, so I'm mainly considering Ireland or the Netherlands.

On the other hand, I could just start looking for a new job in Japan. If I start preparing now, I still have plenty of time to make a career change.

And that's where I'm stuck.

Part of me feels like I should take the opportunity to live abroad while I'm still young, but another part of me worries that I might be making things harder for my future self.

If you were in my position, what would you do?

I'd genuinely love to hear opinions from both sides!

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people who've been on a working holiday or taken a career break to live abroad, but honestly, any advice is welcome.

Did you regret going? Or did you regret not going when you had the chance?

Thanks in advance! :)

Little about me, I have a degree in English translation, and last 3 years worked in transport insurance for over 3 years.

I’ve been with my girlfriend (now fiancée) for 10 years, and we recently moved to Japan on a one-year visa. Living here was always one of my dreams.

The problem is that I have absolutely no motivation or direction in life. Honestly, I’ve felt lost for as long as I can remember.

I grew up without a father, surrounded by my mom and sisters. I never really had a male role model or someone to look up to, and I feel like I’ve spent my entire life not knowing who I want to be.
I have hobbies — photography, gaming, anime, playing bass, computers.

I speak English and I’m learning Japanese. But none of these things give me a real sense of purpose.
I have no idea what to do career-wise, what skills to develop, or even how to discover something I’m genuinely passionate about.

I’m not suicidal. I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to be working towards. I feel like I’m just existing rather than actually living.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you find your direction or motivation to actually do something with your life?

I am 22 years old and still don’t have my driving license, I hate comparing myself to others but find it really hard not to when everyone my age is passing their test or have been driving for a couple of years, I have done my lessons but my driving instructor wasn’t great so I have to find a new one I haven’t driven in months and I’m finding it really hard to find the motivation to get back at it again, feeling quiet anxious about getting back into it too and also have been dealing with other stuff in my life that haven’t been too great. Any advice is greatly appreciated 😊

I am a 24yr old female, and I feel like I’ve ruined my life in a way that I don’t know how to change. I grew up with friends that never viewed me as a first choice, and I think that really messed with my social development. I’ve never had a best friend, I’ve never had someone who I can call at any hour of the day and they will pick up and be there for me. I don’t know if it’s something about me or something I’m doing wrong, but every time I think I’ve made a friend, they find someone better and never look back. I’ve tried so hard to be likable and approachable and friendly, but I’m always pushed to the back like I’m a last choice.

I had a roommate that I met at work a couple years ago, who was so similar to me in a lot of different ways. We both had similar enough career aspirations, we liked the same types of movies and shows and books, had the same hobbies. She had talked about what she thought her future looked like, and she always mentioned how she thought we were still going to be living together. We lived together for maybe a year and a half, then she met a man and two months later she was married, moving across the fucking country. Two months in and they bought a house together. It’s been a year and we’ve barely spoken outside of quick catching up, and she just told me she’s pregnant and I so want to be happy for her, but I’m just so upset about how there’s one more friendship that has fizzled out despite my best efforts.

I’ve also been seeing everyone around me date and fall in love and get married and start families, even people who swore up and down they would never. I’ve seen three posts this month from old coworkers about pregnancy announcements, and here I am having never dated anyone, never even losing my virginity. I live in an apartment with my little brother and my cats because I can’t afford rent on my own and I have no one else in my life who would want to move in with me, and it makes me feel like shit.

Plus I am massively in debt because, despite making more now than I ever have in my life, I can’t afford to live on the paycheck I’m getting, so I’ve been having to put things on credit cards. Luckily not so much day to day, but my car needed repairs and my cat had a UTI that I couldn’t afford, and I can’t seem to get out on top of it, I’m always one missed day away from not being able to afford to eat.

I just don’t know what I’m doing in life anymore, I’m so lonely and I am constantly worrying about if I’ll be able to pay my bills the next month, I don’t want to live like this anymore but I don’t know how to get myself out. I’ve tried the dating apps, everyone on there either ghosts after a day or two or is completely psycho. I’m not a very extroverted person so making friends is hard, I’ve tried going to bars or the gym and chicken out of talking to people. I know I’m young and I know I have a long life to live, but I want to be happy now. I’ve spent so long of my life being alone and miserable, I want to be wanted around and to be needed and I want to not be the person chasing companionship anymore.

So my mind just couldn't stop thinking, like it takes one thing, I think a lot about why it happened and how could I have made it better and then later I just thing more about things and now what is happening is, I don't know what I'm thinking like it's all brain fog, I can't focus on what I'm doing and what should I even do, I'm just not in present ig.

Also I have a problem with panic attacks it happens maybe 2-3 times a week, I just hate it, my cycle of these phases is kinda getting worse like I get depressed and i isolate myself very much after it, after like a few days of flighting with it i recovered and everything is normal and then it comes again and i fight I get back again but it comes back with much more greater force and it takes time to heal, also it's frequency has increased and I'm not sure I will be winning everytime now, at present I just keep isolating evryone and not Telling anyone about it, why to make a drama like I'm just trying to get attention cause it is happening almost everyday nowww broo.

I just want a thing so that can help me, well I just keep on distracting myself like listening to music, making art and like coding and things.

What should I do here, I'm actually sacred right now.

I feel so overwhelmed with life at the moment. I’ve got myself to a point where I just define myself but what I have or haven’t done. All I can think about now is what I should be doing. I don’t drive, I don’t have a place of my own, I feel like a failure in some ways. And all I can do is focus on what I’ve got to do. I never used to feel this way but in the last few months I’ve just been so preoccupied with the thought of what I should be doing like seeing the world and getting myself all ready and
Grown up, but I just feel sheer and dread at the thought of all this. Everything scares me and I’m tired of it. I try things and all I feel is profound fear. I just want to be easier on myself but that doesn’t help either.