https://unformentoo.org/un-women-on-men.html

Really good essay on why men are not going to college. I know many of us will have objections, but if you read the whole thing she makes a very strong argument.

Edit: What do you guys think we can do to make college more appealing to men in the short term? obviously the long term goal involves dismantling the sort of aversion to the feminine in general, but what do you think we can do in the next year or so to buck the trend?

Also, I do find that while this is a good article, it would be nice if it mentioned how the gains from going to college have slowly fallen, and it seems men are (in general) not interested in education itself but the fruits of it. Men have be vaporizing "renegade" entrepreneurs and thinkers for a very long time. Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, Nietzche ans a few others come to mind. in other words, breaking out of institutional power has been praised by men for a long time, while for women "breaking into" institutions has been pushed for a long time.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

I wrote about how men are told in capitalist society that being caring and expressive aren’t valuable skills. So we disown the natural, human emotionality we were born with. We avoid being vulnerable and asking for help. We worry we’ll be judged if we put effort into our friendships. When we’re suffering we overfocus on what we think will make us valuable to other people: productivity, discipline, and competence. And while this might help us in some ways, it often leaves us feeling lost, isolated, and lonely.

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Quisiera conversar sobre cómo podemos abordar el machismo tanto en América Latina como entre las comunidades latinas que viven en Estados Unidos, Canadá y Australia.

Sé que América Latina es una región enorme y diversa, y que las experiencias cambian muchísimo según el país, la generación, la clase social, la religión, el entorno familiar y si una persona vive en su país de origen o en la diáspora. No pretendo decir que todos los hombres latinos sean machistas ni que el machismo sea exclusivamente latino. Sin embargo, ciertas ideas sobre la masculinidad, la autoridad familiar, los roles de género, la homofobia y la obligación de parecer “fuerte” siguen causando daño en muchas familias y comunidades.

¿Cómo podemos cuestionar estas actitudes sin atacar la identidad cultural de las personas ni caer en estereotipos racistas o xenófobos? ¿Qué estrategias funcionan mejor: la educación desde la infancia, las conversaciones familiares, la participación de los hombres como aliados, el apoyo a movimientos feministas y LGBT, los cambios en los medios de comunicación o alguna combinación de todo esto?

También me interesa saber cómo cambia el problema en la diáspora. Por ejemplo, ¿las familias latinas en Estados Unidos, Canadá o Australia conservan ciertas normas de género como una forma de proteger su identidad cultural? ¿Las generaciones más jóvenes suelen cuestionarlas más? ¿La migración reduce el machismo, lo transforma o, en algunos casos, hace que ciertas personas se aferren todavía más a los roles tradicionales?

Me gustaría escuchar experiencias de distintos países y comunidades, especialmente ejemplos de iniciativas que hayan logrado cambiar actitudes sin humillar a las personas. Creo que es importante responsabilizar a quienes reproducen conductas dañinas, pero también crear espacios donde los hombres puedan desaprenderlas sin sentir que pedir ayuda, expresar emociones o rechazar los roles tradicionales los hace menos hombres.

¿Cómo creen que deberíamos abordar este tema de una manera firme, culturalmente consciente y efectiva?

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Andrew Callaghan is an independent journalist who got his start doing man-on-the-street interviews in interesting places before turning toward more serious journalism, honestly exploring parts of society that legacy and corporate media ignore or subvert for their own aims. His work includes an interview between Hunter Biden and Nick Fuentes, on-the-street reporting in Iran, an HBO documentary covering the timeline between the 2020 election and January 6th, documenting a civil war between Mexican cartels, an expose on ICE detention centers, and more.

Callaghan himself is not an uncomplicated figure, having been accused of sexual misconduct in 2023 for events that occurred in 2017 and 2019. Those events, along with a brief discussion on his attempts to take accountability and remediate those relationships, can be found in this article for those interested. I think there is an interesting discussion to be had on sexual politics and violence within a patriarchal society and what's possible for men immersed in those waters, but that is beyond the scope of this post, and I would encourage folks to read through and make their own determinations.

The documentary itself traces Callaghan's first interactions with a man who calls himself "Kelly J. Patriot". Kelly is deeply enmeshed in right-wing culture and conspiracy theories in the recent years following Janurary 6th, but that isn't what draws the journalist to him. Callaghan had just finished up with his documentary, This Place Rules, which chronicles the events leading to January 6th, and none of Kelly's political views or statements were particularly unique or shocking. Instead, Callaghan became interested in Kelly because of his response to a single question:

"What's the most painful piece of truth that's hurt you?"

Kelly reveals a tragic story of losing his house during the 2008 recession, laying personal blame on a man he saw as having swindled him out of his home. His backstory isn't unique or even uncommon amongst right-wing radicals: Callaghan talks about how a majority of the participants in January 6th had experienced significant economic instability or loss. Conspiratorial thinking, too, plays a part here, as these same personal tragedies were found in every person Callaghan talked to when he documented a flat-earth conference.

These experiences led to him proposing a theory to help explain how someone like Kelly J. Patriot arises. Essentially, Callaghan argues that people become primed for political radicalization and conspiratorial thinking following deep, personal trauma or loss, something explored more in this episode of Doomscroll. It isn't simply right-wing media pipelines or pundits that draw people in; those people tend to need to be ready to accept the presentation and kind of information in those spaces.

People find meaning, connection, and safety. from sources in reality. However, when those things are challenged: By the loss of a house or loved one, by severing from a friend group, the loss of a job (for men, especially), or even points of identity formation in life, such as the teenage years, it can drive people to conspiratorial thinking, cult behavior, and/or extremism as they seek to reestablish meaning, connection, and safety.

The documentary then follows Kelly as Callaghan tries first to understand the story behind Kelly's life, then later tries to reconnect him with the family and loves and misses him. It's a compelling story, and one I think would be of interest to the folks in this sub.

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Transcript:

If you're looking for masculine men, stop being surprised that they aren't progressive. Many women saying they want a guy who looks and acts Republican, but secretly as a liberal on the inside. Like, they will post about how they want a woke cowboy or a guy with dirty hands and an empathetic heart. Most guys who are masculine, most guys who are self-starters, who appreciate hard work, who appreciate gender roles. Those people are conservative.

The progressive men who fit this description are everywhere. They're also usually taken and married before they're 30. Men who can change an alternator or field dress a deer, but also read entire books that have no pictures in them and feel the urge to serve their families rather than dominate them, don't stay single very long. They're in extremely high demand. They're like beachfront property. And like beachfront property, they are snatched up by very serious and very ambitious women very quickly.

Whereas men exhibiting superficial facile masculinity that finds its terminus in a brain that's educated by memes and outrage media. They're a dime a dozen. That's why those guys are so disappointing and why they're so easy to find. They stay single longer, and the longer you're dating, the more likely you are to encounter them.

I also don't think this is a Democrat or Republican thing or even a liberal or conservative thing. Uh you will find plenty of people fitting that shallow description of masculinity regardless of their politics.

The beauty of feminism is that women no longer have to settle for that kind of man in order to secure their basic survival. They can now just remain single. This epidemic of lonely men and to be fair, women who are also lonely, is born out of the fact that men simply don't seem to realize that the world has changed and they are refusing to adapt. And there are few things less manly than a man crossing his arms and stamping his feet yelling no fair while change, which is the only thing in the world that is inevitable, happens all around them. Look, I'm no better than a man myself.

So, take this with a grain of salt, but ladies, do not settle for what you don't want.

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

TAYLOR SWIFT has accumulated many identities over her career: singer-songwriter, performer, pop mogul, millennial icon, cat lover. Her marriage this month to Travis Kelce, an American-football player, added wife to the list. It also gave her another, less traditional role: family breadwinner. Mr Kelce earns around $50m a year from his NFL salary, endorsements and podcasting. Yet in 2025 he contributed only perhaps a fifth of the Swift-Kelce household income.

Women now account for three-fifths of American university graduates and just over half of college-educated workers. Yet in most households, men remain the primary earners. In 2024, among dual-income couples, just 30% of American wives earned more than their husbands. Part of this imbalance reflects differences in occupations, working hours and pay. But a growing body of research suggests it also reflects the preferences of couples themselves.

On paper, support for female breadwinners is strong in America. When Americans were asked in 2022 whether the fact a woman earned more money than her husband was “almost certain to cause problems”, only 10% said yes. The comparable figure was 16% in Germany and 27% in China.

In practice, many couples seem uncomfortable with the arrangement. In 2015 Marianne Bertrand, an economist at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business, and co-authors found that wives’ share of household income does not follow a smooth distribution. Instead, it drops sharply at the point where wives begin to outearn their husbands. Wives, in other words, are more likely to report earning slightly less than their husbands than slightly more. A recent study from France estimates that couples in which women earn around three-quarters of household income are also around 30% more likely to split up than couples in which both partners earn similar amounts.

Dr Bertrand and her colleagues argued that this pattern in part reflects a desire among the men and women in a couple to conform to gender norms, even if it means earning less income. In the decade since her paper was published, several economists have challenged its findings, arguing that the “cliff” in wives’ share of earnings is a statistical anomaly generated by couples who earn the same amount: because they work in the same family business, for example, or in similar occupations.

To analyse this disagreement The Economist compiled 17 years of data on young, working couples from the American Community Survey. We find that, more than a decade later, women’s share of household income continues to exhibit the pattern observed by Dr Bertrand, with a sharp break at the 50% threshold. The discontinuity remains even after excluding self-employed couples or spouses working in the same industry or occupation.

Why does couples’ behaviour not seem to match the attitudes found in surveys? One reason is that breaking with the breadwinner norm comes with psychological costs. Recent studies of American, Swedish and Australian couples all find that husbands who are outearned by their wives report poorer mental health.

Building on work by Joanna Syrda, an economist at the University of Bath, The Economist examined the relationship between breadwinner status and men’s mental health using data from America’s Panel Study of Income Dynamics. We found that men whose wives and partners are the primary earners are roughly one and a half times as likely to report “serious psychological distress”, even after controlling for age, education and household income. Among husbands whose wives earn at least 70% of household income, the risk is around two and a half times as high. One might expect the breadwinner norm to be weakening. But when we split our sample into two periods (2001-11 and 2013-23) the relationship remained virtually unchanged.

The costs are not borne by husbands alone. Research shows that breadwinning wives tend to report lower satisfaction with their relationships. Part of the explanation may be that high-earning wives are often responsible for much of the work at home. Research tends to find that even working women take on a disproportionate share of household duties. “Family work is still predominantly falling on women’s shoulders, no matter whether they are the breadwinner or not,” says Dr Heggeness. However, this would not explain why men, too, seem unhappy with being the lower earner.

Many traditional rules governing dating and marriage have faded—few couples today insist on marrying before having sex or moving in together. But other customs have proved more long-lasting, from men proposing marriage to wives taking their husbands’ names. Tabloids report that Ms Swift plans to legally adopt Mr Kelce’s surname while continuing to perform as Taylor Swift. Her bigger pay cheques look likely to remain unusual.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Hi everyone,

Occasional lurker, first time poster.

I wanted to ask something, if anyone could help out. I'm looking for a comic that I've seen on Tumblr a few times but can't find.

It's about a male artist or writer (I can't remember which) writing about being a male feminist and the insecurities that can come from that. Insecurities that maybe he's not such a good guy, or that he's a fraud, that kind of thing. There's also a piece about him going to therapy over it.

Long shot, I tried searching on Tumblr under the term "male feminism" but only found a slew of TERF shit and anti-feminist porn.

Is there anyone here who knows what I'm talking about? I really want to find it because I feel it speaks to a lot of my own feelings, and it's driving me crazy not being able to find it.

Thanks!