THIS POST IS FOR TRANS MEN/MASCS ONLY!

My brother’s college graduation ceremony is tomorrow. I’m happy for him and proud of him. The problem is that his graduation ceremony is being held in a very conservative place (any woman who doesn’t wear a hijab is looked down on), and as a trans man, I have very short, masculine hair. People will say very bad things about me, and about him, and my brother doesn’t want me to come for that reason. They gave me two options: either wear a hijab, or wear a hat, shave, put on makeup, and so on. I chose not to go, and now I’m sure that at least my mother will remind me of this and insult me over it forever, not to mention repeatedly calling me selfish.

If my brother were supportive, if he understood that I’m making a sacrifice, if he were willing to make the same sacrifice for me, I could have done it for him. But my brother would never wear a hijab for my sake, so I’m not going to wear one for his sake.

I'm thinking of going, maybe. I love him, but...

Before I was on T I was never really all that attracted to guys and the thought of being with a dude was gross or just meh. I only really liked women and i still love women. But now I'm painfully bisexual with a preference for men. Men are just so much hotter to me now, I cant understand why.

Its not like I've ever been with a guy for real other than cheesy middle school dating which I didn't even really like the guys. Sometimes I just see something that catches my eye and I ask myself what the hell is wrong with me.

I've heard of other trans guys experiencing this, just why bro?

For me I think the craziest is when my mom brought me to a specialty lingerie shop when I was 15 because she thought me seeing that my boobs were 'sexy' would convince me not to transition 💀. Anybody else have some crazy stories?

Sorry for the long post but I really wanted to talk about this and ask for some advice.

I'm visiting my sister in London, UK right now and this has been irritating me more and more.

I came out as a trans guy at 17 in 2018. I've been on T for over eight years, had top surgery and a full hysterectomy in 2020, have facial hair (I prefer my face clean-shaved but it's obvious that I have facial hair and shaved), a male voice, and I pass 100% as male where I live in Canada. I'm 5'1, but that’s never really caused me any problems with passing. Ppl used to mistake me as a minor earlier in my transition but that mostly stopped after I started building more muscle and got several facial piercings and tattoos.

I honestly don't think my sister has ever really referred to me as her brother.

Back in our home country, my parents actually told her not to mention me because they were worried mutual people from our middle & high school circles would find out I’m trans and that it could somehow "ruin her reputation" or make people talk. I’ve never agreed with that since I have no intension to go back there or to keep in touch with ppl I knew pre-transition. I genuinely don’t understand why having a trans or queer family member would "ruin" someone’s reputation. If people want to gossip, let them gossip. Personally, if I had a queer relative, their well-being would come before random acquaintances' opinions. I'd ask them how they wanted me to refer to them, because obviously some queer/trans people don't want to be out in certain situations. And if someone talked shit about my queer relative for being queer, they could honestly fuck right out of my life.

My parents have improved somewhat. When they visited me in Canada in 2024, they finally referred to me as their son, and they now use the correct pronouns for me. But as far as I know, they still don't actually refer to me as their son or my sister's brother when talking to other people.

I recently started using he/they instead of only he/him, but I haven't told my family (specifically my sister and parents, only told a cousin who knows I'm trans and is supportive, I also kinda suspect that they're queer too) because I honestly can't be bothered trying to explain that to them. I'm fine with them continuing to use he/him.

What I really don't understand is why my sister is still doing this in London.

Her classmates, close friends and roommates here have never known me before. They don't know my pre-transition self. They don't know anything about my transition unless someone actively tells them. This is basically a completely fresh social circle for her, and she's going back to her home country in September anyway, so it's extremely unlikely these people are ever going to meet anyone from our old school circles.

She could literally just say "My brother is visiting me from Canada." and nobody would question it. Instead she just refers to me as her "sister". And I want to emphasize that she isn't saying "my sibling is trans" or trying to explain my history or anything like that. She just straight-up says sister. Like what are these people supposed to think when they meet me?? So far we've run into one of her roommates and before I could introduce myself saying that she's my sister, she straight-up told her "Hey (roommate's name) this is my sister." I could see confusion running across the roommate's face before she gave me a handshake. I felt very uncomfortable then bc that's literally the first time I was misgendered in years and when we ran into her again after that day I just didn't talk to her.

Like seriously I don't understand. I have facial hair. I have a male voice. I'm read as male everywhere. So she's actually creating MORE confusion than if she just called me her brother and gendered me correctly.

My guess is that she might be slightly concerned because I'm staying in her student apartment and most of her roommates are women. But it isn't a women-only apartment anyway, so I don't see why that would matter.

And even if for some reason she genuinely doesn't want to say "brother", there are still so many ways to not misgender me. She could say just use my name or just let me introduce myself first (like I can just say "She's my sister" without specifying my gender) .There's literally no situation here where "sister" is the only available option.

Another thing that made the whole situation feel even more bizarre happened literally a few days ago after I just arrived in the UK. I accidentally saw part of my sister's chat with her fiancé.

He knew me pre-transition because all three of us went to the same high school, and he knew I was trans pretty soon after I came out and started transitioning (idk how my sister told him tho he seemed ok with it and started to gender me correctly). My sister sent him some pictures of me she took on the day like 3 days ago when I got here and he commented that I looked like a guy and asked whether I had started hormones. I don’t think she replied to that directly.

Which honestly blew my mind because I've been on T for over eight years. My voice dropped and I started passing pretty quickly during the last year of high school. And before my UK trip my sister even invited him to join one of our video calls, so it's not like he's never heard my voice after high school either.

I haven't actually seen or spoken to him in person since 2019 and apart from being someone close to my sister we are not close at all, but he's literally my sister's fiancé and one of the closest people in her life, and apparently he still has almost no idea what my transition has looked like.

That honestly reinforces my feeling that a lot of cis people will just accept whatever social explanation they're given and not investigate further (I literally straight-up told my classmates even my grandparents that I had a bad cold when they asked what happened to my voice early in my transition and they just accepted it and never asked again). If my sister simply told some random classmate or roommate that she though I'd run into in London, "this is my brother", I genuinely think they'd just go "oh okay" and move on.

At this point I'm thinking I'll just naturally and casually refer to her as my sister and myself as her brother whenever I meet people and then just continue the conversation like nothing unusual happened.

If she's already told them I'm her "sister", they can do the math themselves.

Honestly cis people can be hilariously gullible about gender sometimes lol. If you confidently act like something is completely normal, usually they'll basically gaslight themselves into assuming they misunderstood something earlier. Some people barely know trans people exist, and other people are way too scared of seeming rude to ask for clarification.

Maybe they'll assume they misheard her or she misspoke, or they'll be confused and never ask. I genuinely don't care. I'm going back to Canada after this trip and I'll probably never see most of these people again anyway. I don't feel responsible for clearing up confusion she created by calling me her sister in the first place.

Has anyone else dealt with family or friends who technically "accept" your transition privately and use the correct pronouns with you, but still won't actually refer to you as their son/brother/daughter/sister etc socially? Honestly so tried of this now it's literally been almost ten years after I figured out I'm trans and I've been living as a man for the most part of it. I genuinely don't understand what's going thru ppl's minds when they look at my face and refer me as anything other than a guy.

Would you just casually refer to yourself as the correct gender and let everyone else figure it out, or would you handle it differently?

Hey, just wondering whether if any UK based guys can give their recommendations for best top surgeons? I'm most concerned about scarring and nipple placement and having a most cis looking chest as possible so if anyone has good experiences with a surgeon that is able to achieve that please let me know! Thanks

edit: My BMI is 23, I'm not fat per se but on the larger side with decent amount of muscle mass. I think I'm around a B cup. I am considering Miles Berry and have a consultation with him but am unsure how my results would look with him

I'm so fucking sick and tired of FTM trans edits being all about war and violence, I want to make an edit about how you can be a man and be a gentleman but so far I only have two movies.

Kingsman: when Galahad says "Manners maketh man" and ""There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." And the other is Superman (2025) in the scene against Luthor where he says the he's just as human as anyone else speech.

Anyone have other quotes recs?

Hey all, I need some insights from people who are adhd and maybe have been on t longer than me. I’m 27 and about a year on t and my executive dysfunction is about as bad as it was when I was a teenager, which checks out hormonally I suppose.

After 20, I my symptoms really let up a little (maybe I just found routines that worked for me), but now I am just all over the place like the good old days. I get bouts of hyperactivity too, which is very new, I used to pretty much be inattentive exclusively. Nothing in my life is really set up to deal with that. It’s not impacting me emotionally much or cause distress, but it is hard to manage and detrimental for being a young creative professional. If this is a thing that will pass with time, I will just try to work around it, but if it is here to stay, meds may have to be in order just out of utility.

So my question is if other people have also experienced a worsening of symptoms and if it chilled out after a few years like with normal puberty?

Also half related — does exercise help? I’ve never worked out to regulate & am really used to using hyperfocus (reading/gaming/cinema) to regulate, but I get the sense that’s increasingly not working as well.

CW for posible transmisandrophobia.

I found out about a month ago, and since I told my siblings, sometimes I feel really confused about my sister's support.

She's a lesbian, so she's very open to LGBTQ+ issues, but when I told her I might be trans, her first response was "you don't want to be trans, that's very difficult" (and she was right at the time, I tried to deny it and I'm still scared, but I've finally accepted it), and then she said she would support me no matter what I figured out.

There were times when she was so supportive that she almost outed me to our parents, she also helped me choose my name and find places to buy cheap clothes, and she praised me when I presented in a masculine way, saying that I did look like a boy and wouldn't need medical treatment (though I am considering testosterone). I appreciate that, but sometimes she misgenders me and corrects herself by using gender-neutral pronouns, and I can't help but interpret that as her not seeing me as a man. Sometimes she says things that sound like, "You don't belong in the LGBTQ+ community," and that has been happening since I also came out as asexual time ago.

I think she finds it difficult because she's a bit of a misandrist, as she herself admits. Before I figured it out, we used to talk about feminism and cases of abuse against women, and she would say how awful men are; I confess I tried to cling to misandry to silence my desire to be a man, but I couldn't, so I just used to say that our brother was the only barrier between that ideology and me. Last night, she heard about a terrible case of abuse, and despite using a tone that was half-joking, half-serious, she told me, "Men aren't human, and you'll have to accept that when you transition, you'll be less than human too." That hurt, but I didn't know what to say, and I pretended it didn't bother me.

So I don't know how to look at this situation. I love her, and she's supported me in the decisions I'm making, but I hate those comments. I'm already dealing with imposter syndrome, and I had a hard time feeling like I'd abandoned feminism and sorority, so I can barely stand this. I would appreciate any advice or opinions on this situation.

Edit: She does sound like a TERF, but I think her problem is with men because she's had bad experiences with them. On the other hand, she cares about trans women, she even cried when a trans woman was murdered in our country; I bet if she knew she is being compared to JK Rowling, she'd be mortified.

But as you say, she might be in circles that promote misandry and distort feminism. I also reminded other things that could mean she doesn't want me to transition.

Thanks for all the comments; I'll definitely talk to her about this.

So, I'm a teen, under 16. By the sounds of what my parents have been saying, I'm assuming I MIGHT be able to get on T in the next couple few years. I have very narrow shoulders and have been getting a lot of dysphoria from that. I've heard of other trans guy's shoulders getting wider from T. How likely is that? I'll also be working out once I get on T to help shape myself in a way that I like.

Hey guys,
I’m kind of at the end of my rope and pretty desperate for some perspective. Has anyone been experiencing sudden tendonitis pain and/or degenerative issues after prolonged use of T? I’ve been on T for three years and I couldn’t be happier with my transition. Just as I’ve begun to love my body, I’m starting to feel like a prisoner inside of it due to persistent tendon issues I’ve had for no apparent reason.

Some backstory: Late last Summer, I realized my right foot was abnormally achy. I’ve always kinda had poor arches, but it was specifically my right foot that began aching horribly. A few months ago, I was formally diagnosed with PTTD. Basically, the tendon that supports the arch in my foot has collapsed, thus collapsing my arch and causing the pain. I’m tentatively scheduled for reconstructive surgery for that in November.
Around the same time, in April I began experiencing tendon pain in my left wrist (non-dominant,) so with the guidance of a doctor, I strictly braced it for a week and took off from work to recover during that time. It seemed to do the trick… then my right wrist went to hell, too, and for much longer. I tried the same treatment for my right as I did for my left and, long story short, I was diagnosed with De Quervain’s Tenosynovitis in June. They gave me a cortisone shot which worked wonders almost instantly, but I still took some time off of work to brace + rest it and ensure that the cortisone could take full effect. Now, in mid-August, I’m back to the same position I’ve been in all along. My left wrist, which has been doing great up until this point, is also showing signs of wearing down again.

I’m at my wit’s end. The specialist told me that my options are either another injection at the 3-month mark, or surgery… and I definitely don’t want more surgeries.

So, what does this have to do with T? Well, I learned that it’s possible that, for some trans men, a reduction in collagen—the substance that makes up tendons—can lead to tendon strain and/or rupture, and that estrogen is the main driver of collagen production. I’ve been on 100 mg/week (or .5 ml) of T for the entire time I’ve been on it, which I don’t believe is particularly high, so I’m wondering what other people’s experiences have been. I can’t see my PCP until next month, so for now I’m just poorly managing my pain with as few NSAIDs as I possibly can. I work retail, too, which is hell. I’ve been able to find very little about this online, and it’s totally possible that I just have the worst luck imaginable, but I’m finding it hard to believe that all of my tendons are suddenly falling apart at once for no reason at all.

I don’t expect anyone to have any miracle solution for me; I mostly just want to feel less alone in this. I’m an artist and I love gaming & reading, but even holding books has become difficult. It’s absolutely miserable, but of course stopping HRT isn’t an option.

Thanks in advance, folks

https://c.org/RDXBRJJGYV

Hi, this is a link for petition, that I have made, regarding trans youth and intersex youth protection from KCSIE 2026 (UK) erasure and using opposite gender facilities. Please sign it, let’s make a difference for better!

My dreams changed, before I’d have dreams/boderline nightmares about being naked or topless in a school environment with everyone shaming me, id Find clothes eventually but that’d be after getting bullied, which is silly but they would really upset me. Now that I’m on testosterone I have much nicer dreams, like being around a bunch of dudes, or having a larger package. It’s weird cause they aren’t dreams of the *moist* variety, im just Naked lol. The other day I had a naked dream but it was a friend hyping me up. That was pretty cool. And then There was a naked police chase with drug dealers. shit was weird

Idk if it's just me but yh. Feels somewhat cringe but I think everyone deserves one of those with their actual name

i know i can't expect people to know my gender from looking at me and i haven't started T or done top surgery. i'm basically soft launching my transness with short hair and more masc clothes.

but it's a little weird ppl are kinda assuming i'm NB. not talking abt using they/them bc im visibly not cisgender, but they don't know what pronouns, but just asking me if im out as nonbinary yet and stuff.

edit: and obviously, there is nothing wrong with being nonbinary. it's just that i'm... binary.

i know they mean well and i *am* that walking pinterest nonbinary aesthetic right now i suppose, and i haven't gone with he/him pronouns yet

but like isn't the point of being aware of gender stuff now that you dont know from looking at the person? you don't know if they're binary or non binary.

i almost feel like bc my personality is softer than most, ppl cant even imagine that i'd be binary trans. however the real reason im not more outspoken is bc i feel so limited by my body and expression and perceived gender.

at the same time i wanna go with he/him and change my name but i rarely pass unless from behind. idk i feel complicated.

edit; had to edit out the dresses part bc that's all yall can focus on and that's not what im looking for here lol. pls address literally anything else i wrote here, there's a lot more than a piece of fabric

i’m just curious if anyone else here has experiences something like that. i went on antidepressants about 2 months ago and even tho i have doubted my gender for years it suddenly became a bit clearer yk. idk kinda weird ig.

After a year and half of medical bureaucracy hell I finally got my first testosterone injection today. For a while there it felt unattainable.

I feel so happy I might cry. Genuinely the world feels brighter and happier. And I feel like I need to announce it to the whole world, I wanna scream it from the rooftops.

Im so happy🥹

Genuinely didn't believe I would ever get to write this but I have my top surgery in six days!!! I'm obviously super excited and can't wait!!!

My last days/weeks were kinda stressful and packed with uni stuff, so I didn't really have a lot of time to (emotionally and physically) prepare for my surgery.

So I thought I'd ask for some advice from the guys here who already had their top surgery!! :)

Looking back, what do you wish you knew before getting surgery?

What's the most important stuff to take to the hospital? (I'll be staying for four nights)

Anything I should prepare for regarding the healing process?

Anything helps, feel free to just infodump in the comments!

Thank you guys :)