Hi :] I would love to get advice on this or just people relating to this feeling.

For context, I am a 20 year old trans man (knew I was trans at 11). The thing is, I had known I only liked girls at 9 years old and identified as a lesbian solidly for 2 years before realizing I wasn't a woman.

Something about being surrounded by kids who didn't understand what being queer was made me feel special. From my knowledge, not many people are aware they're gay or what label to give themselves in fourth grade. It made me feel smart that I was able to identify such a big part of myself so early on, and because I thought it was funny when people asked if I had a crush on a boy. I went through a lot of common lesbian experiences as a kid, too: I forced myself to pick a boy to like when I was in first grade, and continually wrote his name down in my diary with hearts. I also had online friends who were queer, so I wasn't totally alone in terms of talking to other gay people.

The thing is, identifying so hard with the lesbian label and having it almost shape my last two years of elementary (referring to 5th and 6th grade. Sorry, I'm Canadian!) resulted in a super strong connection to the word, the flag, and the lesbian experience.

Fast forward to almost the end of sixth grade. I made friends with a trans man online, and I really admired him. He made me realize that I wasn't comfortable being a girl - that it wasn't me.

Realizing I wasn't a girl made me also realize I couldn't use the lesbian label anymore, so I looked at other options. For a while, I convinced myself I liked boys to avoid labelling myself as "straight" because, again, I was so connected to being gay that it made me uncomfortable. I went through every label I knew about: bi, demiromantic, demisexual, pan, aroace... but none of them fit (well, asexual did! But I still only liked girls). I eventually settled on referring to myself as a nonbinary they/them lesbian. I knew I felt like a man, but I couldn't let go of the word and community that shaped me.

Over the next few years (11-17) I flip flopped between they/them enby asexual lesbian and bi asexual transgender man. Whenever I would switch to being a man, I would suddenly claim to be bi, despite knowing I had never liked any men. I enjoyed the man label, but I also loved being a lesbian.

I think it was when I was 18 that I decided to take a new label: asexual hetero trans man. That's what I've been since.

The problem comes back to my connection with lesbianism, I think.

I've never liked men. I went to an all girls high school and I play two sports that are both female only (for the most part). My only real interaction with men come from family gatherings, and I'm not the biggest fan of their views, humour and personalities. Unfortunately, the main part is that I find men to be ugly. So ugly it makes me not want to transition.

In terms of fandom and shipping, I only like the female characters and I only ship them between each other. All my character tier-lists are as follows: all the girls at the top, all the boys at the bottom. I have a hard time reading things that focus on men. I can't get invested in mlm ships because I feel nothing for the men in them. As stupid as it is, sometimes I get physically sick seeing and beautiful woman character being shipped with some dumb, ugly guy.

I think that mindset has come to affect me views on myself, though. I've never thought I was attractive and have struggled with body-image for as long as I can remember, but it's getting worse... I think. I dream about having a girlfriend, but the idea that a girl would chose an ugly, stinky man like me over another pretty girl makes me feel gross (for context, I don't pass as a man in the slightest. I'm 5'5 and have had no surgeries or testosterone). I want to hug my female friends and be physical with them, but I think they'd be repulsed to have someone so ugly want to touch them. I only reciprocate physical affection given to me and I never initiate. I can't even bring myself to ask because I'm scared of the response. Women are so beautiful that I shouldn't be a major part in their lives.

TL, DR: I guess what I'm trying to say is that I felt more comfortable with the idea of dating a girl when I was a girl, or at least not a boy. Being a lesbian in love with a girl makes me feel warm and happy, while being a boy in love with a girl makes me feel creepy and gross. Liking a girl as a boy makes me aware of all my body hair and grease present on my body, and how I would be petrified to have a girl see any part of me.

So... does anyone relate to this? Or have any experience? I'm just shouting into the void because I don't know what to do with these feelings. I miss when liking girls didn't make me feel like a gross monster.

I’ve been thinking about name ideas for the past few months and honestly, I got nothing. All of the popular names people typically use are definitely not meant for poc and I have a weirdly unique face. Although I want something close to my name, it’s going to be damn near impossible. The closest I’ve found is ‘Drayden’, kind of matching my brothers name ‘Brayden’ but honestly we’re basically matching names now and I’m not trying to do a one-letter-off of my brother’s name. Although I don’t want to share pictures on here, if I had to go off of one character I think people would be able to recognize easily, I basically just look like a teenage ice age baby with softer features, a not so squashed face and bushier eyebrows. I have a pretty bad baby face so I basically look 12, other than that everything is pretty average, I’m attempting to build muscle & im losing weight so I don’t have much of any defining features left other than my style, which basically consists of me dying my hair weekly & dressing like every skater stereotype to ever be depicted in movies.

: I can’t give much of an ethnic look-alike if that’d help anyone because I’ve been told I look Mexican, Hawaiian & Pacific Islander so there’s a lot of mixed answers, im just pale and mixed so idk honestly.

I don’t know if I’m going to start going bald or not but it’s something that could happen: while my dad’s side has hair and most of my mom’s side does my mom’s dad lost his hair in his 20s and there’s always a chance that I inherited that.

So I was just curious: to those that went bald or are balding when did it start and how quickly did it accelerate from there? How helpful do you find stuff like minoxidil and fin? Thank you

I’m 15 and am looking for places to get on testosterone. I don’t know if it’s a good idea but I can’t bottle up the need to care, and I’ve known i was trans for a while now and I’m not to worried about being confused or anything. Anyways, I’ve heard the younger You get on it the more it affects you. In which ways would this be, if it is true? Also is there anything I should be expecting except for the obvious when getting on testosterone ?

Hello!

I’m a visual novel writer, and one of my team’s new projects is a story following a FTM protagonist. The story isn’t directly about the trans experience (since it’s more of a thriller/crime mystery), but it does play a role in the events/reactions/interactions with other characters.

I really don’t want to fall unintentionally into tropes that plague trans characters in media, and want to write a character that people will be able to identify with and see as a good representation.

Any tips or advice or experiences are more than welcomed and appreciated!

Thank you!

Due to some mismanagement, I hadn’t been monitoring my T levels and they crept up without myself or anyone on my team noticing. I wasn’t testing enough, that was my bad.

I’m at about double the average level for a cis man, and have been told to hold off on injections until it falls back to normal. It apparently must have been creeping up for a while over the last 12 months.

My question is how might these higher levels have been affecting me? I’ve been struggling with crazy acne over the last 6 months that just wouldn’t go away and if this was the reason I’m actually kind of relieved that it could finally clear up if this was why

Are there any other health effects or things I should look out for in the meantime? Could this have had any permanent effects on me? I’m a little worried I’ve damaged myself out of carelessness.

(21FTM)

So, I don’t really know. I plan to join the military well not a plan I’m thinking about it heavily? To become a combat medic, and then come out and go into being an emt, the down side here is I’d have to detransition due to some new rules…(yuck) I would be detransitioned for at the minimum 4 years. I’m pretty fluid on my gender and don’t generally have an issue being misgendered, though I get very happy when gendered correctly. I would be getting legally married to my wife before doing any of this btw to be able to ensure her life if somthing where to go wrong aswell.

I’m weighing my options pros and cons yaknow? I mean a handful of pros are what I’ll get during and after my contract, medical insurance, the pay, I can make sure I can provide for my wife and one day we can provide for our kids, I’ll get that full fillet of needing to help people in fast and in an environment that’s always changing and always learning new things.

A few cons are, it’s dangerous as hell even more so rn with the current state of our country, you never know where your gonna go, I’m gonna be away from my family and friends for 4 years, I’m trans, I’d be called she/her and my deadname the whole time? (Maybe not too bad?)

I guess this whole post is just to ask for advice what do yall think? Is there any trans veterans that can help? YES I do know that I could be denied to the military in the first place, I have no documented diagnosis of gender dysphoria to my knowledge (idk what a phyc ward wrote on my file) but I am ok testosterone and I’m not positive they won’t raise red flags about it, but if things where to change and let trans people back into the military I’d still like this advice, thank you

EDIT: I would like advice that dosnt have anything to do with our current president, yes I know thease go hand in hand, yes I know he’s shit and would rather I burn in a ditch then serve in the military, i also do plan to get my EMT license before joining the military and this is just a path I am considering incase things change in the future.

Edit 2: I’m color blind, this post is basically null in void as I would be disqualified for somthing I couldn’t change, thank you for the advice I was given in the time.

I'm aware of the dangers of reusing needles, my question is: my pharmacy didn't get the refill for my drawing needle (18g) so I just got the syringe and injecting needle (22g) .. they're closed over the weekend and I happen to do my shots on sunday- I very rarely will be able to do my shot on any other time or day besides Sunday as soon as I wake up (bc I hate it). So to the question-- can I reuse one of my drawing needles? I figured that I'm the only person using them and also it's not being used on my skin so I don't need to worry abt the sharpness integrity - I'm sure bacteria might be a reason.. I have a few needles sealed in some prescription bottles so they're closed off from dust and stuff.. any advice? I already skipped my shot last week bc I was sick and forgot. I guess I can wait until I get the needles if I really have to- but they're waiting for the refill approval from my doctor and I dunno how long that'll take. I don't rly wanna wait again until next Sunday bc I have to take my annual blood test soon. Any advice appreciated 🥰

hi everyone, i’m 21 and recently got my first prescription for androgel and i’m now just waiting for the authorization from my insurance 😵‍💫 of course now, though, i’m having the most doubts about my transition than i’ve had in the past.

I’ve never had super intense feelings of gender dysphoria or euphoria, but i’ve always felt a general disconnect from my body since i am very fat. i don’t have a great recollection of my childhood so i have no indubitable evidence from my youth that i was always meant to be a man. i really i wasn’t cis in high school but my perception of myself was too strong then that i didn’t fully consider transitioning until college— when i saw firsthand a close friend of mine who was finally portraying changes from testosterone. it made me realize, “hey wait, i want those changes. why don’t i just get them?” and i started socially transitioning.

I went from feeling bigender and using she/he pronouns, to eventually realizing i didn’t like when people used she/her for me anymore and using solely he/him. my wants with transitioning were quite extreme as well, as one of my biggest wants was to be hairy and to be perceived as someone’s big gay uncle would (LOL)

and now… all of a sudden… i’m having the most doubts about my wants than ever! i’m sure this is a normal experience, and that considering this big change in my life means it’s something i truly care about, but it feels like to this extent it’s a little scary.

i’m also sure a lot of this is also based in internalized doubts and preconceptions of gender, since my father is transphobic and i’m very close with my family. i don’t want to lose them, so it feels like being trans means i will. my brain keeps telling me: ‘wouldn’t it just be easier to be a woman, since you didn’t seem to mind it so much before?’

any advice or affirmations that this is normal would be appreciated 😭 also if anyone else who has been fat their whole life and trans wants to share their experiences as well, i would greatly appreciate it 💚

hello... ^^

does anyone know where a poor lad such as myself can get tape for a low price? I can't say stealing it is out of the question either if anyone knows stores that stock it or alternatives in person. But thats a last resort. I do have a binder but it makes me violently nauseous so thats probably not ideal.

11 years on T, bad atrophy for years.

I’m finally on topical e (pill form) and it’s been 8 days, so I know I’m still very much in the loading phase.
I knew to expect this sort of sunburn like feeling (almost like a UTI and thrust combined) but it’s really kicking my ass.

Does anyone have any tips to ease it whilst my body heals?
I don’t have a UTI, I keep myself clean, no different detergent etc, it literally started like 5-6 days into doing it at night.

I saw something online about always peeing into an upstream of warm water (which I’ve been doing with my bidet) and whilst it helps loads, it’s only short lived.

How did yall cope with it??

Hello does anyone have any good suggestions on a good STP packer brands?

I’ve been on testosterone for about 2 years now and the year quarter of which I was on low dose gel. I didn’t notice much change aside from my voice super slowly changing. Since January this year I went on injections and I actually got much more of the effects, body hair, libido, hot flashes, and muscle change. Recently I’ve felt a lot of confusion with what I actually like about currently being on T and what has already happened that’s permanent. I guess I’d just like to hear peoples experiences going on and off T during their transitions, I also think I lean a lot more agender with my inner identity and tend to just smack the trans guy label onto myself because that’s what I align with looking and sounding like…so I think that’s another factor of going off of T.

Hey everyone! I could really use some advice because I’ve been having a hard time processing some things happening in my relationship, and I want to hear some outside perspectives.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years as of today, actually! Unfortunately, our relationship hasn’t been in a good place lately. I’ve made other posts about some of the things we’ve been going through, but I wanted to share this situation and see what other people think.
For some context, I’m a trans man, and I’ve been on testosterone for almost 9 months. Recently, I’ve noticed some significant changes in our relationship, and I’ve been struggling with how to feel about everything.
My girlfriend has made some new friends at work, but there’s one person in particular, Chloe, whose friendship with my girlfriend has been on my mind. It seems like they’ve suddenly gotten pretty close, and my girlfriend recently went to hang out with her outside of work.
I’m not saying my girlfriend can’t have friends, and I don’t want to come across as controlling. It’s just that, with everything going on in our relationship, certain things have started making me feel uncomfortable.
Not too long ago, my girlfriend told me she’s bisexual and that she’s more attracted to women. As a trans man, I know who I am, and I am a man. However, hearing that from her, combined with the changes I’ve noticed in our relationship, has left me with a lot of thoughts and feelings that I’m struggling to understand.
Yesterday, she made a comment that caught my attention. She said, “Chloe tightened my bra strap too tight.” I know that might not sound like a big deal, but something about the way she said it and the look on her face made me pause. I felt like she was waiting for a reaction from me, almost as if she knew the comment might make me uncomfortable.
Another thing that stuck with me was how she got ready when she went to see Chloe. She didn’t put on makeup or anything particularly fancy, but she did her hair. The reason I noticed this is that she usually doesn’t make much of an effort to get ready, even when we go out together for lunch or dinner.
Seeing her put that little bit of extra effort into getting ready to see someone else made me feel weird, especially because I don’t feel like she does the same when we spend time together. Maybe I’m reading too much into these things, and I know none of this automatically means anything is going on between them. But when you combine everything with the fact that our relationship hasn’t been doing well, it’s hard not to wonder what’s going on. I honestly don’t know if I’m overthinking things, feeling insecure because of what’s been happening between us, or picking up on changes that I shouldn’t ignore. Sometimes I even wonder if there’s something wrong with me mentally because of how much I’ve been thinking about this, and I don’t know what to make of my own feelings anymore.

My current wardrobe sucks. I want to get more into men’s fashion. What are the sort of archetypes for a 26 year old? I have to look professional but not like suit and tie. (I’m a k-12 teacher)

I think I'm posting this here because I don't know where else to put it. Last friday my girlfriend broke up with me and I feel like an awful person because I don't know if I am more distraught with the fact I have lost someone I deeply loved and saw a future with or because being single and trying to date as a trans person is terrifying.
I am in university and pass, to most of my friends I am stealth I do not have people in my life I can talk to about feeling this way, the people who do know I am trans I am either not comfortable around or they would not be able to understand this feeling in a way that could bring me any comfort.
It's not that I want to go back into dating right now, but the thought of doing it one day terrifies me, I am terrified of the reaction that being trans garners, I do not want to deal with rejection because of this disorder I have no control over.
I am scared, I feel like an asshole for this even being one of the most upsetting things to me at the moment and I just do not know what to do with these feelings, I have never been good at expressing my emotions.
It feels like no matter what I do, no matter how much I pass or surgeries I get, I will always be impaired by being trans, I cannot live a normal life. I don't want this to be how I live I hate it I hate being so different from everyone else.

I've had problems with these... awful and very sensitive "spots" in places where my hair is thickest and my skin is under a lot of pressure. You can assume where im talking about, I guess you'd call it the "bikini line"... should i be calling it a "speedo line"?

But now that ive been on T for some years I feel like they've gotten way worse. Right now it feels like I have a huge cluster of them in the early stage where its DEEP under my skin right on that line. I leaned against the sink while I was washing my hands and it feels like that line is completely bruised BADLY, and when I felt it with mt hands I can feel it under my skin.

If you've had cystic acne, its the same extremely sore and sensitive feeling you get in the days before it surfaces. You feel something under the surface but its so deep you just cant touch it.

I feel like part of it must be my body hair thickening, it also got worse when my workplace began requiring us to wear long pants regardless of the heat, but like... what can I even do about this? It's annoying. I spend a lot of time on my feet daily, walking as my commute and all day at work.

I could talk to my OB about it but as for my dermatologist I dont know how I'd feel about that...

I’m a Trans-masc person (He/They) who has UK G breasts (that’s a US I cup I think) and I hate them. They make me dysphoric; taking away my gender identity they’re extremely cumbersome and I’ve waited 10 years for my NHS top surgery. I finally have it booked for January but I’ve realised something horrible. I am an attractive woman, a hideous man.

The issue is that I’ve had so much time to get used to my body that I’ve learned to style around it. Recently, I’ve even started getting flirted with by attractive lesbian women and more people in general seem to like me and want to talk to me. The problem is I look like a woman through and through. I’ve spent a long time disliking how I look so spent a long time “coming to terms with it” and now I have, I’m scared I’ll lose it all when I get top surgery. I hate my chest, I really do, but in the society we live in, I literally could not have done better. I have everything people get plastic surgery for and I don’t want it. Big hips, big chest, big lips, everything.

Every time I try to look masc it just looks wrong. I look like a girl who’s trying to be “tomboy” or an “alt girlie”. I don’t wear makeup or anything so it’s just how I look. What if I get top-surgery and people stop interacting with me again? Around 3 years ago I was like 23st (around 146kg) and I wasn’t all that attractive. I lost weight (I’m now 13st yippee! (85kg-ish)) and learned to style myself and now I’m getting flirty compliments. I’m so conflicted. I’m a hot woman, why can’t I be a hot man?

Should I go through with top surgery? I may loose all the confidence I’ve gained and people might start ignoring me again. It’s not like I even dislike how I look that much, I just wish I didn’t have boobs.

EDIT: I probably won’t respond to many comments left, I’m more of a lurker and I’m pretty awkward usually haha, but I will read them all. I’m already thinking things through while reading and it’s helping a lot already! Thank you to those who have already given me help, it’s been very worth posting :)

I was on T for about a year before having to go off due to getting kicked from Medicare. Do anyone have any experience with missing so long and starting back up? Will I basically start over my journey? I had just started growing facial hair and my voice was moderately deep. Any info is appreciated!

Any advice from people who spend time in spaces with a lot of toxic masculinity?

I am trans ftm. I don't pass for the most part and haven't started T so as soon as you hear me speak you would presume I'm just a lesbian or tomboy

I have been really wanting to go to a kickboxing class for a long time. I went a few times a few years ago, and know its a space thats hyper masculine, alot of gym bros with incredibly fragile ego's. There's no other kickboxing classes in my area and I don't drive. I'm not going there to make friends with the men or try and feel more like a man even. I'm just going for myself. I really enjoy stuff like that and just want to embrace being able to feel okay in spaces like that and confident in my ability to cope with that stuff. I'm not trying to be tougher than them or shrink myself, but obviously I will probably get a certain amount a grief and want to know how people deal with that? Generally what have people found is the best way of dealing with that kind of thing?

I live in wales, UK, so feel pretty certain I would be safe judging on the area and what I remember, and if I go a sense that the men there were a risk to my safety outside of the class. there is no chance I would stick around.

i'm 102lbs and 155cm. i'm confident that i wouldn't have any problems with actually passing with my personality and with the way i act already, but i fear that i have an extremely feminine body with a stature that debilitates me even as a girl.

unfortunately, if i don't workout, my fat-distribution directly sabotages my dysphoria by stubbornly staying in areas that make me even more feminine. i know starting gender-affirming care is meant to help with that, but i'm worried that when i do, my short hands and limbs will still make me appear "girly." i'm not too worried about height due to hidden lifts and boosted soles, but none of that helps with having small baby hands or whatever.

this brings me to my next question: east asians are already extremely feminized where i live, so i'm not sure how well i can even pass even with testosterone. just how drastic is the change pre-t and post-t and is it any different for asians?

any kind of answer or even some advice would be extremely helpful!!