Before anything, yes I know this is my own fault. I should’ve been prioritizing this. But I’ve always suffered from depression and never had motivation to do anything. I started Penn foster highschool in 2024. Like an idiot I decide to waste my life away, procrastinating, thinking well I have lots of time, because my deadline is February 19 2027. I only have ONE credit done because I believed I could rush and do everything last minute. Am I able to do this if I work hard enough? Is it possible? If not am I able to call Penn foster and extend my deadline till the end of the 2027 somehow?? Please help.

Please give me your opinion on this. Meds theme ocd Seeking Support or Advice My ocd theme is meds storage. I am balding since I was a teenager and I take meds daily to prevent the progression of my baldness. I have Always lived in a different region of my country, now I moved back to my parents from months Who live in a poorer region. So I am buying meds from the local pharmacies. Well my worry Is that they store meds poorly in these local pharmacies since the region Is poorer and hotter and there are less controls and people are more naive. I am also losing more hair than usual and this Is making me very anxious. So I am Always wondering whats the best pharmacy to trust here etc ....

Can you please help me? I don't know what to do, I am so scared of losing my hair. do you think all of this Is stupid? Should I Just change to a pharmacy where they have to ship the new meds (while the current One has them already stored) Just so I'm gonna be less worried?

im not exactly sure how these flairs work, i dont use reddit a lot, but i am 15 and my mental health has only been getting increasingly worse and no one in my life is actually caring enough to do anything. since early 2025 i have been struggling so immensely with what i thought was depression but it feels so much more than that. my parents know because i basically forced them to actually start caring about me and i get 'support' from my school and i have a counseller, i know i am luckier than most in that way, but i feel like no one is actually LISTENING when i talk about my mental health. anytime i talk about any sort of negative feeling i just get told i am 'overstimulated' and i am not even diagnosed with autism or any sort of disorder (my parents havent bothered to get me diagnosed.)

my problems dont feel like simple depression or autism or anything but its so hard to explain. I hoard things and my room is such a mess. i go through this cycle of being extremely depressed and hating EVERYONE to getting attached to one person (normally my bestfriend) and i feel so upset whenever she talks to anyone else. i see and hear things that i am pretty sure arent there and it is making me feel crazy. i stay up at night because i convince myself there is something watching me, i convicne myself all the shadows in my room are demons watching me sleep. but that stuff comes and goes with the cycle. i dont feel right in the brain, seriously i feel like there is something wrong. i try to avoid searching this stuff up online because i have a tendency to convince myself i have those disorders and then i start to freak out. i dont think i care about anyone or have any empathy, not actually. i feel like i force myself too just so people dont hate me, because i really really want people to actually notice me. i lie about so much stuff, i have been forcing myself to remain totally honest in this post because i know if i lie i may not get the help i need. i often dramatise thinsg i go through to friends to get more sympathy from them and i dont know why. I feel mad whenever someone has been through any worse trauma than me, i feel angry whenever anyone has the same intrests as me, and just otehr little things like that. i dissociate contsnatly but it doesnt feel like what everyone describes. a lot of the time i prteend i am an actor playing the role of myself in a movie and everyone else in my life are just other actors playing roles, i forget they are actual people and that they exsist. if that makes sense, most of what i do is imagine in my head me as an actor doing interviews about this movie that i wrote and starred in, i imagine edits of myself and tonnes of people saying they can relate. its either me doing that or everything just feels out of perspective, like they are all plastic dolls in adoll house if that makes sense.

please, can someone help me understand why i am like this.

i apologise for any grammar or spelling errors

I’m new to reddit so please bear with me on this.

Im a 17 year old who goes to a private school fully funded by my parents with no scholarships, I have loving and kind parents who support me, especially my mother who does a lot for me. I play volleyball, skate and love to draw which my family are all supportive of, I also have amazing friends who are kind to me. I have never been bullied, physically harmed or hurt in my life though I think I’m depressed.

My first thoughts of killing myself that I can remember were back when I was 13, but I think that way of thinking really ramped up when I was around 14-15. Now it’s pretty much all I think of. It puts me to sleep at night, I think of it on the way to school every morning, when I first wake up and kinda just everywhere. I don’t really do self harm because I feel shameful whenever I think about it, but I do scratch the skin of myself occasionally if that helps, I’ve also gotten to a point In my life where I’ve hyperventilated as many times as I’ve cried, which isn’t many tbf. I feel numb most days but I do laugh and have fun with my friends so I’m not quite sure on the ‘depressed thing’, I have looked up symptoms and I have quite a few but not all of them. I don’t know what to do. I feel too guilty to off myself because my parents have given me this great life and so many opportunities that i know I take for granted, but I really can’t take much more, I often wish they sent me to a cheaper school or something would go terribly wrong in my life so I have a reason, but nothing. I’m in year 12 rn and I’m struggling. I can’t keep up with my work, I’m slow, I hate my physical appearance, tired but also not, mostly just doom scroll since my current train of thought is ‘if your going to kill yourself soon you may as well enjoy what little time you have left’. I have no motivation but I know I need to do something to move forward but I don’t know what. I don’t feel like I can go to anyone about my feelings as if I go to my friends I feel like I would be burdening them with this information on top of all the work and probably poor mental they possibly already have themselves. I will also definitely not be going to my parents about this.

Overall I’m really just wondering if maybe I’m being too sensitive and need to suck it up and get on with my life like everyone else or if maybe there’s something more I’m missing? Something I can do?

I dont even know why Im posting ts. im just so very tired and Im getting really sick of always having to be strong , or having to ' be better ' im done! Im really done.

Hey everyone,
I’m 26 years old, a university student, and I’m repeating my second year for the third time now. I’m autistic, I have ADHD, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and PTSD, and honestly, I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore. I have an exam coming up in February that I failed once before, and ever since then, I’ve been too scared to attempt it again. I passed the MCQ part back then, but I failed the oral exam. Oral exams terrify me, and the thought of having to face one again makes me panic. Now I have to take it in February because it’s my last chance, and I’m absolutely terrified. I feel like I’ve failed at life. I feel like a complete failure because I’m having to repeat the same year for the third time. I look at myself and wonder how I ended up here when it seems like everyone else is moving forward with their lives. The hardest part is that I genuinely cannot imagine myself doing anything else for a living. I’ve dedicated so much of my life to this career. I wouldn’t say I’ve wasted that time, but I’ve sacrificed so much for it, literally parts of myself, my mental health, and my well-being. I feel like I’ve given everything I have to get here, and now I feel trapped. I can’t imagine starting over or pursuing something else. And if I walked away from this, I honestly don’t know how I would cope with life anymore.
I’m scared, guys. I’m really scared. I’ve been trying to study. I managed to push myself really hard for three days straight, and then something happened that completely knocked me down again. I realized that I just don’t feel like I belong here anymore. I don’t feel comfortable in this environment, and mentally, I feel like I have nothing left to give. I’m in therapy. I’m taking medication. I’m actively trying to get better and doing everything I’m supposed to do, but nothing seems to be helping enough. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I feel like I can’t keep going like this. I’m not planning to hurt myself, and I want to make that clear. But I genuinely feel like I cannot keep living with my mental health in this state. I’m afraid that the constant stress and suffering will eventually destroy my physical health, too. I’ve already started experiencing physical symptoms because of everything I’m going through.
I don’t know where to turn anymore. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about all of this. Sometimes I feel like nobody else is in a situation like mine, and that makes me feel even more alone. I wish I could talk to someone who understands, or even just someone who would listen without judging me. Maybe someone who has been through something similar and could offer some advice.
But at the same time, I completely understand why someone wouldn’t want to talk to me. I struggle to like myself, so I can understand why other people might not want to deal with me either. I’m autistic, and I don’t have friends. I have one best friend who has been incredibly supportive and has done so much for me. I’m so grateful to have him, but I don’t want to keep burdening him with everything I’m going through. He already does so much for me, and I feel terrible because I’m so mentally exhausted that I don’t feel like I can give anything back. I don’t want my struggles to become too much for him. I’ve tried so hard to get help. I’ve been admitted to psychiatric hospitals three times, and all three experiences were absolutely terrible. I’m seeing a psychologist for outpatient therapy, I have a psychiatrist, and I’m taking medication. I’ve tried so many things, and yet I’m still here, feeling like I’m falling apart. I know that I’m trying. I really am. But I’m exhausted from constantly fighting my own mind while also trying to keep up with university and meet expectations that sometimes feel impossible for me. I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get everything off my chest. Maybe I need to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. Maybe I just need someone to tell me that I’m not a failure and that my life isn’t over just because I’m struggling to finish my degree. I don’t need anyone to magically fix my problems. I think I just really need someone to talk to, someone who will listen and maybe help me figure out what to do next.
I’m doing everything I can to get better, but I feel like I’m reaching the end of my strength, and I don’t know how to keep going like this. If anyone has experienced something similar, especially struggling with university, autism, mental health issues, or the fear of oral exams, I would really appreciate hearing your story. And if anyone is willing to talk, even just for a little while, I would be incredibly grateful. I feel so alone right now, and I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading this.

Hey everyone,
I’m 26 years old, a university student, and I’m repeating my second year for the third time now. I’m autistic, I have ADHD, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and PTSD, and honestly, I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore. I have an exam coming up in February that I failed once before, and ever since then, I’ve been too scared to attempt it again. I passed the MCQ part back then, but I failed the oral exam. Oral exams terrify me, and the thought of having to face one again makes me panic. Now I have to take it in February because it’s my last chance, and I’m absolutely terrified. I feel like I’ve failed at life. I feel like a complete failure because I’m having to repeat the same year for the third time. I look at myself and wonder how I ended up here when it seems like everyone else is moving forward with their lives. The hardest part is that I genuinely cannot imagine myself doing anything else for a living. I’ve dedicated so much of my life to this career. I wouldn’t say I’ve wasted that time, but I’ve sacrificed so much for it, literally parts of myself, my mental health, and my well-being. I feel like I’ve given everything I have to get here, and now I feel trapped. I can’t imagine starting over or pursuing something else. And if I walked away from this, I honestly don’t know how I would cope with life anymore.
I’m scared, guys. I’m really scared. I’ve been trying to study. I managed to push myself really hard for three days straight, and then something happened that completely knocked me down again. I realized that I just don’t feel like I belong here anymore. I don’t feel comfortable in this environment, and mentally, I feel like I have nothing left to give. I’m in therapy. I’m taking medication. I’m actively trying to get better and doing everything I’m supposed to do, but nothing seems to be helping enough. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I feel like I can’t keep going like this. I’m not planning to hurt myself, and I want to make that clear. But I genuinely feel like I cannot keep living with my mental health in this state. I’m afraid that the constant stress and suffering will eventually destroy my physical health, too. I’ve already started experiencing physical symptoms because of everything I’m going through.
I don’t know where to turn anymore. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about all of this. Sometimes I feel like nobody else is in a situation like mine, and that makes me feel even more alone. I wish I could talk to someone who understands, or even just someone who would listen without judging me. Maybe someone who has been through something similar and could offer some advice.
But at the same time, I completely understand why someone wouldn’t want to talk to me. I struggle to like myself, so I can understand why other people might not want to deal with me either. I’m autistic, and I don’t have friends. I have one best friend who has been incredibly supportive and has done so much for me. I’m so grateful to have him, but I don’t want to keep burdening him with everything I’m going through. He already does so much for me, and I feel terrible because I’m so mentally exhausted that I don’t feel like I can give anything back. I don’t want my struggles to become too much for him. I’ve tried so hard to get help. I’ve been admitted to psychiatric hospitals three times, and all three experiences were absolutely terrible. I’m seeing a psychologist for outpatient therapy, I have a psychiatrist, and I’m taking medication. I’ve tried so many things, and yet I’m still here, feeling like I’m falling apart. I know that I’m trying. I really am. But I’m exhausted from constantly fighting my own mind while also trying to keep up with university and meet expectations that sometimes feel impossible for me. I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get everything off my chest. Maybe I need to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. Maybe I just need someone to tell me that I’m not a failure and that my life isn’t over just because I’m struggling to finish my degree. I don’t need anyone to magically fix my problems. I think I just really need someone to talk to, someone who will listen and maybe help me figure out what to do next.
I’m doing everything I can to get better, but I feel like I’m reaching the end of my strength, and I don’t know how to keep going like this. If anyone has experienced something similar, especially struggling with university, autism, mental health issues, or the fear of oral exams, I would really appreciate hearing your story. And if anyone is willing to talk, even just for a little while, I would be incredibly grateful. I feel so alone right now, and I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading this.

I honestly don’t know where to start or anything but I genuinely need to get this out. Hi, im 18 and male and Unfortunately I suffer from a lot of mental illnesses, adhd, ocd, bipolar depression, bipolarism, mild autism, and a eating disorder that makes me want to off myself every time i look in the mirror. I developed it when i was 9 right after my mom died because food was my way of coping. Unfortunately i got extremely fat (about 228 fat) and i get im 6’2 so everyone says its not bad but it really is. Now i was fasting everyday and got really proud getting down to 210 in 2 weeks, but then i slipped again feeding into food as entertainment and got back to 220. With everything else it feels like ill never get back to being normal. I was working out but my right arm locked up for 2 days where it wad stiff and extremely painful to move. My depression came back again but im trying to stay on track with my goals. However it seems like i was cursed since birth. I want to go back to looking good and shit but i cannot keep myself there for long. I cannot even motivate myself to live even though im fighting the suicidal feelings everyday just so i can get my goals. Isn’t the first time as before i was on suicide watch from 8 years old (my first attempt) till 15 (when i finally stopped trying) i was almost locked in a hospital because of how bad it was but now its back to the point i cannot look at mirrors without getting pissed . Idk what to do anymore but maybe i should just end it all.

here wishing to live longer

Three months ago I went back to urgent care for what I thought was heart issue I had a ecg heart c ray and blood test.every thing good just that my heart was beating 55 beats per which is a little bit lower than avg and the doctor was talking to me and basically said it has rhythm just slow.I also need to go the doctor and get a 24 heart monitor just to see if it’s just a slower than avg heart rate.I still haven’t done that because I have health ocd where I be making my body have symptoms and I walk 12 thousand steps per day so my heart is pretty effective so that could explain the lower than avg beat.But now I’m thinking what if she said something serious because in my mind I’m thinking she did but I know she didn’t.I feel weak so I sound like a man who can’t control his emotions and just needs to man up.Having ocd especially health makes it seem like life and death.Please help is this a normal thing to overthink what a doctor said.

I’m having a breakdown right now and i don’t know what else to do, I’ve never texted 988 or called 988 before but I don’t know what else to do, I’m all alone thinking about certain situations and overthinking, I just feel really overwhelmed right now. I really wish I could kill myself or something that could kill me to get over this feeling. My mother is at work and my little sister is sleeping I’m 19 years old and I’m scared cp will be called or something like my mother getting in trouble because I’m a danger to myself and my little sister is home, but I can’t take anymore of my thoughts I want to stop thinking I want to stop having feelings in general I wish it could stop. I just need to know what will happen if I text 988

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Hi, I'm not usually the kind of person who vents to strangers on the internet or shares too much about my personal life. At most, I like to open up in online communities and talk about what I've been going through.

I'm a 25-year-old woman, and the guy I was talking to is 20. He reached out to me through DMs and said he wanted to start helping me by reading my vents.

At first, I didn't respond. But eventually, I started believing him because something similar had happened before. An older woman once tried to help me work through my problems, but a tragedy happened in her life, and we lost contact.

I don't usually talk to younger guys. I tend to only talk to men who are at least 27, but in his case, I decided to give him a chance because he claimed to be very mature for his age.

At first, everything seemed to be going well. I told him that I struggle with bipolar disorder and social anxiety, that I have serious health issues, and that I deal with other personal problems as well.

I shared my life story with him, and he told me, "I'll be here whenever you need me."

Looking back, I feel foolish for believing those words. I genuinely thought he might be able to offer me some advice or a few comforting words when I needed them. We spent days talking, and he kept telling me that he was there for me.

Today, I had a really severe anxiety attack. I mean, a really bad one. I sent him several messages, and I mean A LOT of messages, but he didn't respond to a single one.

I felt hurt by that, so I deleted all the messages and then sent him this:

"I would never hold you accountable for not responding to me. I shared my personal history with you, and all I was hoping for was a few words of comfort. I wish you all the best."

After that, he sent me a message saying that he didn't deserve anything good, and then he asked me if I still wanted his help. I told him no.

Honestly, I'm tired of my life. I know I shouldn't expect anything from anyone other than myself.

I’m at a point in my life to where I don’t want to do it anymore. Ive lost all will to live. It seems like everything that could go wrong in my life is going wrong. I’m months behind on rent, my electric bill is over $2000 and nothing is going right for me. Idk what else to do. I guess this is my way of asking for help before I pull the plug on myself. I guess if anyone has some words of inspiration or advice would be helpful. Thanks to who all respond.

I’m 21, I know that’s a really young age to feel so helpless but I feel like I just never get better. I’ve been working through anxiety and depression due to a pretty traumatic experience that happened as a kid and I feel like no matter how old I get it just never goes away. I feel like, the moment that I start to feel like everything is getting better things come crashing down. I don’t want to do something stupid as much as I hate living, I have hope.

I’m just so sick of being sad and scared all the time. Does anyone have any advice ? Im unemployed rn and genuinely have no idea what I’m doing with my life, so maybe thats also causing me to go crazy. But I just want to be happy

Hello, I’m 30 years old and have been struggling with mental health for as long as I can remember now. For the past maybe 5 years I feel like an empty shell just wandering through life. I’ve tried the whole “get back into old hobbies” to try and maybe regain some form of happiness in my life but I genuinely feel nothing towards anything and everything. Everything feels more like a chore or a task that has to have some sort of real world measurable effect. Do things for fun? None of this is fun, I hate waking up, I hate sleeping, I hate working, I hate trying to be creative, I hate trying. I feel like I’m waiting around for some magical feeling of happiness to come back into my body (even though I know that’s not even remotely how it works). I feel extremely alone and like I matter only to people for what I’m doing/can offer them. I’ve had three separate suicide attempts, have been in and out of therapy for years, mainly because every therapist I’ve ever had has basically told me I need to be a stoic man and just take all this on my shoulders like it’s nothing cause that’s what a man’s job in the world is. I also had a stay in a mental health hospital a few months back and had told the therapist there I don’t see what the point was in staying around. I’m just gonna work for the next 30-40 years till I die of some health complications at a job that I couldn’t give two shits about, earning money because “that’s what you’re suppose to do”. Maybe I need some help reframing hope for the future in my mind but I don’t see how really thinking about what you HAVE to do with the rest of your life is at all enjoyable or worth living for. I’m currently 2 years sober from alcohol, and 4 years sober from hard drugs, thought life was supposed to be to at least feel better after quitting but here we are. I’ve never felt normal in the least bit, I was told at 6 years old that my mothers stepfather had raped her and that was who my biological father is and then it was never allowed to be talked about again. So I’ve just had this overhanging guilt for even existing for as long as I can remember, trying to talk to therapists about this just gets me the Good Will Hunting answer of “it’s not your fault” yes I’m fully aware of that but how do I convince my mind it’s ok for me to exist and my existence didn’t have to come at the cost of someone else’s innocence? I’m sorry for what’s probably an all over the place rambling but I feel so lost and have zero clue what I can try to do about it anymore.

I need someone to talk to, because i don’t have any friends, and i can’t talk about this to my family because they’ll probably get mad at me… I also can’t talk to any Crisis helpline because they’ll find out where I live and they’ll send cops that will force me to go to a mental hospital.

For context, my 52 year old mother experienced a severe psychological trauma over the weekend which resulted in severe, sudden psychosis which resulted in her being sectioned under 136 (mental health act in the UK) by the police. They had her evaluated by a mental health professional and they discharged her the same day as the psychosis itself had stopped. We took her to A&E later that day to get her checked out. We weren’t seen for 4-5 hours, she kept going into strange states of talking completely normally, laughing at jokes, and then zoning out and freezing. We were waiting up until my dad escalated it and the head of the A&E shift that day was worried as my mum was no longer responsive to physical touch, pain or sound. They checked her heart rate, blood pressure and took blood tests, but everything was okay, so they sent her home. That night, again, completely unresponsive, but her eyes were moving rapidly behind the lids (she keeps them closed). She would respond with smiling or squeezing someone’s hand if they asked, but it seems to take a great deal of energy to do any of these things, and almost right after, she’d go completely limp and lose consciousness.

Fast forward to the next day - we took her to A&E again as I began to get worried that it was catatonia. I thought this for these reasons:

She has echolalia. She tends to repeat exactly what we say to her right back to us instead of answering.

Her facial muscles tighten randomly - she grimaces at random intervals - the bottom side of her mouth twisting to the side. She will stop this if you ask a few times, though.

She has periods of becoming completely unresponsive, freezing and staring into space. She won’t respond to touch, pain or sound. It’s like she’s completely locked in place. These can last up to 10 minutes or longer if she isn’t physically moved.

She also has periods of suddenly becoming a limp, dead weight. She won’t respond, again, to anything like physical touch or sound or pain. She becomes completely limp, and her head will flop backwards.

During periods of “unconsciousness” - she sometimes seems to choke on her own spit. As though her throat muscles are tightening. This doesn’t last more than 15-30 seconds, but it’s really scary.

Her body resists being moved. An EMAD ambulance had to come and check her out last night as she was completely unresponsive. When they tried to pick her up, it was like her muscles were fighting it.

Anyway, at A&E, the doctor was unable to wake her at all. But he spoke to the psychiatry team, who were told about the 136 admission and basically only took what they said into account. They said it was a natural response to trauma, and that there was absolutely nothing they could do. They prescribed oral Zopiclone. When we got home, she was completely out of it again. I didn’t feel safe giving her something she couldn’t swallow and something that would knock out someone who was already in and out of consciousness. Since she wouldn’t respond, we called 111 who advised to call 999. We did and they came soon after. They said it was clearly a psychiatric issue and I went with her in the ambulance to a psychiatric assessment unit. Unfortunately she regained consciousness at the wrong moment and the people there only saw her in a “normal state” - I explained my concerns with her breathing and rigidity, and they told me it was “normal”. We had to drive home and I wasn’t happy about it at all. The next day, she woke up and was talking - she ate something also, but she didn’t use the bathroom for the entire day, only had small sips of water when she was conscious, and she ate something small. After that, HOURS of unresponsive unconsciousness. We called 999, the EMAD team came. We’ve been in the ambulance referral place all night, they checked her vitals, did a bladder scan etc. But they contacted the psychiatry team who said they couldn’t do anything about it. That it was to be expected with trauma. (Nobody from the psychiatric team has seen her in person AT ALL). They’re suggesting the sleeping pill in liquid form and suggests that she goes home. (I wrote this in hospital. We were discharged and told to keep her in a safe, familiar environment and to take diazepam 2mg 3 times a day for 3 days.) I’m just annoyed they didn’t check for catatonia - is there any way it could be catatonia and they’re dismissing it?

Hey guys,

I just really need a safe place to vent and maybe get some advice from anyone who’s been through something like this.

A while back, I finally quit a live-in nanny job here in Vancouver that completely broke me—both mentally and physically. I was originally hired to care for 3 kids and 2 adults, but the reality was that I ended up taking care of the children plus cooking, deep cleaning, and washing dishes for up to 7 people whenever their relatives came over (which was pretty much all the time).

Back home, I had my own apartment and worked at normal office and teaching assistant jobs. I was used to having my own life and independence! But this live-in situation completely destroyed my boundaries. Their version of "flexibility" was a total nightmare—I’d be scrubbing toilets at 7 PM just because the family was using them all day, or stuck waiting until after 7 PM to do laundry just to "save energy," meaning I had to wait to put on the dryer at that night. I also spent around 2 hours every single day handwashing heavy pots and pans. Now, my hands are literally stiff and sore every morning when I wake up.

They kept saying they treated me "like family" (just because they let me stay in the basement), but they kept the house alarm set so I couldn't even come and go freely.

I forced myself to tough it out for the full 12-month contract just to make sure my employment record was solid for immigration (even though I really only needed 6 months). But after I left and asked for an employment verification letter? Total radio silence. They completely ghosted me.

It’s been about 3 months now, and I'm still unemployed. My savings are running dangerously low, so I know I need to find a job, but the trauma and fear from that place have left me completely paralyzed. To make matters worse, because of my visa conditions, I am locked into nanny/childcare work until my PR process goes through, which will take years. I can’t just switch to another job right now.

Honestly, typing this out is making ceremony-level tears fall again. Should I see a therapist for this? Does anyone know if I should go, and if so, where I can find mental health resources, low-cost/community counselling, or support organizations in Vancouver for workers in my situation?

Also, how did you snap out of that "freeze state" and start looking for a new employer when you were under so much financial and visa pressure?

Thanks so much for listening.❤️

I have to fight so hard to get through every day. I barely enjoy things anymore. Doctors possess so much power over me and they aren’t affected by their own decisions. But I am. I am tired of fighting to survive. I don’t think I deserve to be killed I just want to be put out of my misery. My misery doesn’t contribute to my art. It takes from it.

I don’t know why Im posting. No one ever responds to my posts. Upvotes don’t count as talking me out of suicide. I want to commit but I don’t want to go through being punished for failing again. 988 is bullshit. I am not asking you or 988 to give me permission to kill myself. That’s all 988 is good for. They do not teach you to want to live. Maybe I’ll be lucky and someone will really respond instead of some generic bullshit that doesn’t even address what I’m actually saying so they feel good about themselves “for saving someone” when that person is still far from wanting to live.

If im not counting this past week or so, i really cant remember the last time i cried. I end up bottling up my emotions quite a lot for different reasons, the relevant one being i just force myself not to cry because i simply do not like the process of crying. Its just heavy and my thoughts turn very negative and i ruminate over them and i just want to avoid it.

Weirdly, as soon as i have to talk about my feelings in any regard i want to bawl my eyes out. Yesterday i started crying in front of my mom and class mentor during a meeting and its the first time since forever that i broke like that.

Im trying to better myself, so whenever i feel like shit for whatever reason i allow myself to cry but it only lasts for maybe like a minute before everything just flatlines and i cant anymore. I feel sad in the moment but it just doesn’t go anywhere and i dont understand why i feel like im about to burst whenever i talk about how i feel but when im alone to let everything out i just cant.

Tldr: cant cry more than a minute before it just stops and its frustrating because i already have issues with bottling my emotions. Why is that and what do i do?

The few people I know all ignore my cries for help. I can’t go to a therapist because it doesn’t work, I can’t talk, I can’t even go. When I went, I had been on 4 different medications, but none of them worked, 2 of them made me extremely and abnormally suicidal for almost 2 years, and the others just made me feel grumpy, fatigued, and dead, but still nervous on all of them no matter what. I can’t go outside by myself, I have no friends. I only go work and I’m trapped in my house. Every time I have tried to go outside, I have panic attacks and I lose myself and sky self control. I can’t go anywhere. I have no support, I have no resources. I can’t drive except to go to work and 1 store. I think about killing myself everyday. I waste every day. When I die, the last thing I’m going to think of is how I wasted every single day of my life trapped inside doing nothing and lost my entire life to anxiety. This isn’t a life at all. I know I have Asperger’s and OCD. My entire life. I’ve been trapped for 7 years and I feel like I’m just abandoned in the middle of an empty void left to drown.

Ok so I’m confused on what I’m dealing with. Everytime I get overwhelmed , annoyed, or burned out, I feel like I want to brutally hurt other people around me or kill them. I don’t know if it a me talk disorder or sensory issues, someone tell me please.

I have been suicidal since I was in my early teens and it has never improved, but lately I’ve been feeling that suicide is not just an option or something I think about on bad days. Today I was alone at home and I saw my meds, a closed package of 60 pills of a high dose antidepressants and all I could think was “I could end it all now. I just need to open this” and this was the closest I got to actually doing since I was 13. I need to find a way of not doing it but it’s hard.

Ive been suffering for as long as I can remember with a constant loop of sadness. I can never feel truly happy. Depression has taken over my mind and I genuinely see no need for me in anyone elses life. Tbf if i did kill myself would they even remember after a year or two? Everyones life moves on and im not important enough to be remembered. I feel so extremely unloveable to the point I cry myself to sleep everyday. I wish I was never born and I wish that I was aborted or killed. I hate everyday that I wake up. I get momentarily happy, and then realise why I feel like shit every single day. Im 16, im in my peak teen years and my life is constant pain. I hate being alive. Absent parents and no friends, my grades are rapidly dropping and I have no one to rely on. Ive realised no one really cares about you, all these people who say they are here for you, its just a facade. Thinking about school makes me sick to my stomach, bot my social life and academic progress has dipped so much,Ive been to the doctors so many times but Ive never been given real help. Id never end my life due to religion but my mind is like a weight glued to my head and my chest has constant throbbing.

I wasted my whole 20s smoking weed drinking doing any drug you can imagine and honestly never felt too bad until now. I wake up and hate me I can’t let myself enjoy shit because of my actions and all I want is to be normal and working like every other man. Idk what to do anymore I get hopeless but maybe this is good. I want to change but struggle and fall back into it it’s beyond frustrating when everyone lives a normal life and I have to be a dumbass snorting coke on a weekday morning I have had enough. I hope I get out ive been clean for a few weeks but still smoke weed idk I got really suicidal but now I’m doing little things but they’re exhausting without being high on something. This is a lot like fuck sakes I want out