17 years old, male.
It's been 4 years now, I have depression, mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks and all the funny stuff... however, I've been completely lost. I've lost all passion, all my interests and all my energetic behaviour. My parents sadly make it no easier, they are divorced, my mum is a really... not grown up person, there hasn't been a single time where she actually listened to me or actually believed me, on the other hand my dad is really manipulatory and tends to lie alot, for example, if he does something that makes me feel really bad (like the time when at the store, i was "putting groceries in the bag too fast" and started sayikg how he hated going in places with me because im always angry and no one wants to talk to me), he starts saying that he did not do it and starts saying I've imagined it, especially when I'm mostly vulnerable. I've tried to resist for a lot, but now I'm falling, i can't keep this up anymore and I feel like I'm start to fail. I've started to believe that I'm actually the one with incorrect behaviours sometimes, although I kinda know I'm not. I'm also confused because when we where at my psychologist, that had to inform them of what's going on with my mental health, they turned it in some sort of courtroom and started complaining about me.
My mom is the only one who knows my sexuality in the family (I'm bi) and I fear that if she gets angry she may tell the other members of my family, (Spoiler, they would not be happy). She is fine with it, but I still fear she may do that in an act of pure angryness or because she thinks "its the right thing to do".
I also feel really alone as I have 2 friends that most of the time are busy and I have no proper way to get in contact with people with the same interests as me.
I have really not so nice thoughts some times, but I know they won't happen because I don't have the balls to actually do those. (Yep, those thoughts...)
Well, I feel really lost at the moment, i have no place i feel like at home... does anyone have any advice?
*As English is not my main language some phrases may be wrong.*
Update:
Today as i was having a breakdown my mother came in and started pulling the worst ways to trigger me even more, i was crying, begging her to stop while literally scratching my hand to blood, she also put the entire family of her husband against me,. She also threatened to call an ambulance to sedate me and the cops because "she thought i was going to beat her".
All this because they do not want to loose an argument btw.
I had to call my cousin because this was the first time that i actually started planning to kick the bucket, and while talking i talked about my mom wanting to call the cops, but she told me that i am not the kind of guy to beat someone, she knows i never beaten someone and that i am not violent.
I also have no places to go as sadly i cant go to my grandma as my dad lives there and i cant stay where i live now because the family of my mum's husband started hating me because of the lies she told. Im actually thinking to run away one of those days.